Flourish Through Divorce November 2013
This is the last live session of Flourish Through Divorce until at least fall 2014. I'm not sure if I'll run it again then or not.
The next round of Flourish Through Divorce will start November 4 and run through the holidays (on
purpose). Register now to get a head start on reading the recommended books before starting the workshop.
Feeling overwhelmed by all the changes and decisions and feelings of divorce?
Having a hard time processing your complicated feelings about the split and helping your kids process them?
Wondering what kind of life you can have now, post-relationship?
Wanting to work together with your former partner for the good of the kids, but finding yourself so hamstrung by anger and hurt that you can't see clearly?
So many of you are doing what you can to comply with the legal process of divorce that you don't have the time and space to tend your heart and mind and soul when you most need it.
What if you could:
- give yourself the time and space to consider what happened and what's next?
- talk about it honestly and thoughtfully with companions in the same part of the process that you are?
- have a structure of areas to process and create as you move into a new life?
It would be wonderful if you could get divorced with no effort and then fly off to Tibet to find yourself, but when you have kids that doesn't happen. Instead, you can take the online Flourish Through Divorce workshop. It's 6 now 8! weeks long, all online and on the phone, and starts November 4.
The workshop will:
- give you a list of the things you need to work through
- start you thinking about all the big ideas and working on them
- open your eyes and ears so when you do come to new ideas and processes on your own you have a framework to fit them into
- reserve space for you to think and process
- provide a forum for feedback from other people in the same process, running buddies, in essence
The workshop will get you started in healing and creating the new life you need. It’s an intense eight weeks, but the process will continue for you for months after the workshop is over.
This workshop is very special to me--I found getting divorced the most painful but transformative process of my life, and stumbled my way toward this new sparkly life I have. Four-and-a-half years from the legal decree I'm happier with who I am and my relationships with my children and ex-husband than I'd ever have predicted. (If you want to read about our co-parenting you can find us at When The Flames Go Up.) The Flourish Through Divorce workshop takes all the thoughtfulness and troubleshooting I bring to parenting on AskMoxie.org and brings it to the divorce process to give you a framework to make sure you’re tending to all those other parts of your family and life that need love. I want you to have a sparkly life (if you like sparkle), too.
“This workshop let me use my guilt as a motivator to make something new and better, and helped me understand what I really wanted out of interactions with my ex. It also confirmed that everything I was feeling was normal, and that I was letting go of the sadness every day.”S.K., Virginia
What is the workshop?
It’s everything I learned that got me from feeling like I was free-falling to being happy and exactly where I’m supposed to be.
It’s a structure to lead you through the big topics you need to think about and create new for yourself.
I’m there to give data points and help you frame and reframe, and you’ll do it together with everyone else in the workshop so you’re not the only one going through this bewildering and shifting experience. No echo chamber.
This course does not offer any legal advice and is not therapy. In this course we will explore issues, plan, and dream, but it is not a substitute for trained legal advice or therapy. If you feel that you need legal advice or the assistance of a therapist, I encourage you to seek help from a licensed professional. (And participants have been happy with doing this workshop in addition to seeing their wonderful therapists.)
(Don’t want companions on the journey? Think about private coaching with me instead and we can do the same framework and space with just you.)
Here are the big topics we’ll work on, one every week, with lots of nooks and crannies and space to think and work within each one:
Processing the split:
- Fear, sadness, shame, regret.
- A story that changes every day.
- Letting yourself be sad and hopeful and proud at the same time.
- Staying with your kids even when you cry whenever they’re not around.
- Helping them process while you’re processing, too.
- Working through it with guilt as your sidekick.
New family dynamics:
- Two houses instead of one.
- How marriage can end but family is forever (and how that can hurt).
- Getting past anger to create the best custody situation for everyone.
- Benefit of the doubt.
- Being kid-focused even when it hurts in the now.
- Being creative with how all needs get met.
Balancing the Ledger:
- Assessing the balance of energy, emotion, and money in your relationship
- Figuring out what you are “owed”
- Determining how to balance that ledger for yourself
- Taking action to begin the balancing process
What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
- What got you into a box in the first place, and deliberately crafting your life and family.
- Where being good got you.
- Determining what you value now that you have your choice of everything in the world, and going toward that.
- Sticking close to your kids while you explore who you are now.
Maintaining boundaries and staying centered so fights and conflict doesn’t destroy you:
- Even in basically friendly divorces there’s a lot of conflict in the process, and some divorces feel like a constant bloody battle. How can you stay strong and centered and calm so you can advocate for yourself and your kids without being ripped apart, constantly on edge, or afraid?
- Stripping away to the essence so you know what you can give and what you can't give.
- Drawing healthy boundaries.
- How letting go of anger and keeping score can free you.
- How to drop your end of the rope.
- And the physical letting go.
Nourishing yourself and your personality, and nourishing your kids and their personalities:
- Make your home a place where everyone grows.
- Figuring out who you are post-relationship.
- Looking past the immediate future.
As you can see, that’s a lot. It took me the better part of three years to stumble through all of that. We are not trying to get through all of the feelings and decisions and moments and transformations in the eight weeks of the workshop. (I don’t think it would be possible to, unless we were in a sweat lodge on an island with nothing else happening for the entire eight weeks.) But we'll dig far enough into it that you can keep going and fit all the pieces together as they come to you, and you'll have the private discussion group online to keep going with you.
“I found the written content you provided really thought-provoking and useful. In some cases, it was an articulation of where I had already gotten to; in other cases, it opened my eyes to what was causing a lot of my problems.” C.S., Vancouver
Flourish Through Divorce costs $389 and runs November 4, 2013 through January 2, 2014 (8 weeks). The course elements are:
- Lessons I’ve Learned and topics to think about sent out every week, with homework consisting of a model or framework that I lay out (with descriptions, examples, and metaphors so you see how it applies to you) and a series of questions that you think about, answer, and write down or draw to be able to see your own plan and progress (send it to me to get feedback, or keep it private just for you)
- Private hidden Facebook group for everyone to talk in during the length of the workshop and for another six months (especially helpful during the holidays, when you might need a safe place to vent with others who are going through the same thing)
- Two optional weekly calls (Tuesday nights at 10 pm EDT and Thursday morning at 11 am EDT) for everyone in the workshop, with a very short agenda of checking in on the week’s topic and then whatever it’s bringing up (you can talk or just listen, and the call will NOT be recorded). Calls are officially around half an hour (quick and sweet and you can listen in on a coffee break) but I'll stay on with anyone who can and wants to keep talking
- Reading list of two mandatory books (plus one more for people with children) and three more optional books (you don’t have to finish them during the workshop)
- Unlimited email support from me during the workshop
- (We will also have some special guests on calls or who write things just for us.)
I'm the one who initiated the divorce, and I feel guilty about moving toward a new happy life. Don't. You aren't going through the sausage factory of divorce to stay mired in hopelessness and guilt. If you're strong enough to rip your life apart, make it mean something good for you and your kids.
I didn't want this divorce. I feel like my life is being stolen. I'm sorry you're going through this. You have two choices: you can roll over and let yourself be discarded, or you can fight back by creating an amazing life for yourself. 365 days from now are you going to be empty and sad, or hopeful and a little bittersweet and full of potential?
Are you going to teach me how to beat my ex in court? Nope. I don't think anyone beating anyone is good for your kids, and I bet you don't really, either. I can help you release some anger, though, so you can maintain your own boundaries and work with your ex to create the best possible situation for your kids. I have a lot of hope that people can be great parents even if they were shitty spouses. (And we talk about that in the workshop.)
We were never married, so it's a split but not technically a divorce. Will this still apply to me? Totally. Since none of this is about the legal process and is all about the emotional and logistical process, it's right for you. Whether you weren't able to get married or chose not to get married, you're completely welcome.
I'm a Christian and am feeling torn apart by getting divorced. Me, too. I don't go into faith in the workshop except as a structure that can help if it's your thing, but I'm happy to share privately what I came to about grace and redemption and being the leper.
I can't get past the guilt of doing this to my kids. Yes, you can. Not overnight, but you can get past guilt into a place that creates a life your kids are going to love.
I don't have kids. Can I still do this workshop? If not having kids was a sad part of your marriage, then do NOT take this workshop because it is going to trigger every hurt feeling you have. (Email me and we can talk about it, if you’d like to.) If not having kids is a good thing, then yes, take it, and just ignore the parts about kids.
Still have questions? Email me at askmoxie at gmail dot com.
Sign up, and give yourself permission to come through this intact and hopeful.
When I started working on the outline and lessons for this course I realized that this is my heart, showing other people the signposts for the path to a new life during and after divorce. Getting a divorce was the most transformative experience of my life, and I hope I can help you find a clear path for yourself.
If you have questions or want to find out if this workshop is for you, email me at askmoxie at gmail dot com.
You can do this. Courage.