Some thoughts on managing and parenting while my kids are still gone

Today is day 20 of 21 of my kids being on their annual three week roadtrip with their dad, so I've been thinking a lot more for the past few weeks about managing adults in the workplace than about facilitating kids' development at home*.

You know how you always think your boss knows what's going on with your job so if they don't fix things that are bad you assume it's because they're deliberately not fixing them to spite you? And how if you're a manager you don't know what's really going on with your people because no one wants to complain and be seen as a whiner? So then everyone resents everyone? I developed a process for managers called Reporting/Interpreting/Solving Workflow Solutions (RISWS). It gives managers and team leaders a consistent flow of data that tells them what's actually going on with their people, so they can fix things or give their people the power to fix them, and everyone can be engaged and happy and just do their jobs.

I've been working on RISWS with managers in the last year and have been getting good results, and just started a group through the process as part of a grant-funded study of the process. (I'm excited about it! The study leader is writing about it here: risws.com/blog/)

It's no secret that a lot of the way I show managers how to work with employees is related to the way I try to work with my kids. Employees are just people, and kids are just people, and managers and parents are just people. And all people want the same things: to matter, to be good at things, to be heard, to be valuable.

It's a huge mistake--in my mind--to try to make your kids fit a checklist of well-roundedness instead of paying close attention to what they love and are good at, and encouraging them to run to those things. The same thing with employees--hiring someone and then trying to force them into a box you've created instead of looking at what's fantastic about them is going to end up making everyone frustrated at work, and creating less value for the organization. If we're being completely frank,it makes zero sense to pay good money for a salary and then not get the best out of an employee. People can sit at home being mediocre and frustrated on their own time. 

I had a meeting at my older son's school yesterday about class placement for next year, and it forced me to focus on who my son is and what he's good at, instead of choosing classes by what I think he should be good at. It's not easy, this parenting the child you have instead of the child you think you have. I'm a lot better at listening quietly and observing carefully than I was before, and releasing my preconceptions about what brings meaning. One of my RISWS clients had a similar moment of realizing she was releasing a lot of unnecessary tension at work by admitting that one of her team members was really good at something that wasn't strictly in the job description but could be useful for their team.

I realize that it's a luxury to have the time and space and complimentary work area to be able to really think about parenting strategy for a big chunk of time. I miss my kids horribly during this three weeks, but being able to think about strategy and tactics and mission without being consumed by their immediate needs has been good. And a lot of managers are so busy putting out fires that they never really get to strategize about their team or team members.

I wish I could give everyone this kind of risk-free space. Parents to think about how to interact with their children to help them self-actualize, and managers to think about how to interact with their employees to help them stay in the flow state as much as possible. If some time and space drifts past you, grab it and let yourself use it to just think for awhile. It's an investment in yourself, but also in the people you spend your time with.

 

* You know what's super-easy? Being a fantastic parent by text. My older one's been texting me throughout this road trip and I am KILLING IT when all I have to do is offer sage advice in written form. If only there was a way to do the first three years by text, this parenting gig would be fantastic.