To the kid who thinks they've done something really really bad

Not too many kids read this website--most of you are past experiencing what we talk about personally and not yet onto what we're talking about navigating with our own kids. But maybe you ended up here by searching "mom will kill me" or "dad hates me" or "parents won't forgive me for this" or "i did something really bad" or "no way to get out of this."

Here's what I want to say to you: This is going to get better, no matter what you did.

I'm a mom. I have two kids. Boys. They do stuff that I don't like sometimes. I always like them. I always love them. There is nothing they could do that would make me not love them.

Your parents love you. You might have done something that's going to make them really mad at you. Or, even worse, really disappointed in you. They might punish you. But they love you. And they're going to help you fix whatever it is that you did. So stay here, even if it's scary and you can't see how it will possibly work out. Your parents will help you.

What if I'm wrong, because I don't know YOUR parents? What if your parents don't know how to love you, or how to give you the benefit of the doubt? What if your parents hurt you?

I am so sorry. You deserve to be loved. And taken care of. And not hurt. And someone out there will love you like your parents should, even if you haven't met that person yet. But there is someone that will help you. So don't kill yourself.


This morning, a friend of mine posted a letter from his brother and sister-in-law, whose 14-year-old son killed himself. Here's part of the letter they wrote to their son's friends:

"This message is now for all of you. If you want to honor our son, then promise to NEVER think there is a problem that can not be fixed. Everything can be worked out someway...everything. Never solve anything on your own. We just found out that our son panicked thinking he had made a terrible choice over a common teen pressure. His life ended for NO reason. There is nothing that he could have done that would have made us no longer love him or help him. He just made an irrational decision. All he had to do is come hug us and tell us he had a problem. We could have worked through anything. Please know that that you to can work through anything. Just talk to your family, friends, teachers, or preachers. Most of all, look out for each other. Do not pressure each other for things you are not ready for. If you are truly a friend, then want the best for each other. It is time to honor our son's life by how you move forward in your own life. May our sweet baby rest in peace. We love him more than mere words could ever convey. Our life will never be the same."

No matter what you've done, it is going to get better. Just tell someone. Your parents love you and want to hug you and work through it. If you really can't tell your parents, talk to one of your friend's parents. (You know you have that friend whose mom tries to hug him in public? Or whose dad keeps trying to ask him how his day was? Go to them.) If there's no parent you can talk to, talk to a teacher.

Just please, please don't kill yourself. It won't solve your problem. The only way to solve your problem is to tell someone about it. Please stay.


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