Going in

Lately I've been in some kind of phase. And part of that phase is that I've been going deep with my children.

You know how there are those days, weeks, months, when you're holding things together, getting things done, checking homework and making meals and giving hugs and making sure everyone's got what they need? Now is not that time for me. Everything we do feels deliberate. Chosen. It feels like the conversations are happening in slo-mo. I am reaching in to feel what they feel and know who they are in this minute and what they need from me now, right now.

I don't know where the time is coming from, to have this slowness and depth, because we're still going on as usual with school and homework (for all three of us) and everything else. I didn't do this deliberately, either. I just realized one day that I'd been spending a huge amount of time staring into my kids' eyes and holding their hearts in mine.

I wonder if this is happening now so we can all store this up, before the older one rushes headlong into middle school and leaves us--me--behind. Or maybe it's just happening because it was time. My still-little people and I want each other.