"My ex and I have been divorced/separated for 2.5 years. The divorce was emotionally messy, but we worked out all the custody and financial issues in a couple of months. We have 50/50 physical custody and attend kid events together, have joint birthday parties for them, and generally do a good job being "civil" etc.
Over the past year she has started blogging about her life with the kids- a public blog read mostly by friends and family. In it, she completely ignores that there are two households or that I exist at all. She will, for example, say "we had such a busy week. Son had a birthday, did x and y, and he said something really funny about z- I have no idea where he came up with that! I was amazed when Daughter 1 displayed a deep understanding of thus and so. It's so much fun to raise them." All of this ignoring that I'm the one who took Son to X or Y, or taught the girls to do the things she finds incredible, or that their stepsibling taught them turn of phrase Z. Or that they weren't even at her house for half the week! It's been particularly worse, or feels worse, since she and her new partner moved in together, so the blog seems like they are a happy family of 5.
I am concerned that this is indicative of how she views and thus discounts my role in their life, and what verbal or unspoken narrative she tells them when I'm not there (there have been instances where, despite our civility, she has told our younger daughter the divorce was my choice, etc). My other concern is that this is the modern-day equivalent of a baby book/photo album, and I'm being cut out of all the pictures. I know her blog cannot change reality and the kids know that I am their parent and half-time caregiver. And I probably shouldn't sweat a stupid blog. But it still *feels* wrong to me. I worry about how this impacts them- if at all- and why she feels the need to write me out in the first place...
I just need some thoughtful, arms-length advice. I really can't tell if I should just let it go- but I worry the readers-- my friends, ex-friends, family, and most importantly in the future the kids-- actually believe or will believe I'm not involved in any of this. Sigh."
Ugh. Being written out of existence must feel horrible. I asked Lauren if she'd asked her ex to stop, and she said that she had, but her ex had told her it was her blog and Lauren can't tell her what to do.
As a divorced person who writes about her life (in blogs and social media accounts), this level of removing the ex seems weird and dysfunctional to me. I don't go out of my way to talk about my kids' dad (except on our actual co-parenting blog) (and except when he does something extremely nice or extremely funny) but I can't imagine being so insecure that I'd need to pretend publicly that he doesn't even exist. I'm guessing that all of you who write about your lives and have another parent of your child are feeling the same way.
So it seems to me that Lauren has two choices:
1. Start documenting her life with the kids in some way (a blog, Flickr or Instagram account, family Pinterest, etc.) so there's a reality check out there in public that Lauren is her own kids' mother, too, and/or
2. Let it go. Which means trusting that the people whose opinion she cares about understand that Lauren is in the kids' lives, too. Whether or not those people wonder why, exactly, Lauren's ex is trying to erase her isn't something Lauren can control. And just keep documenting her daily life with the kids privately however she normally does (with pictures, writing down funny things the kids say, etc.).
I know which one I'd do (which is why you're reading this site right now). But maybe Lauren just wants to walk away.
Thoughts for Lauren?