Q&A: coping with a miscarriage when a sister-in-law is at the same stage of pregnancy

(Please keep adding your online store or small business to the list of places to shop this coming weekend.)

Anon writes:

"I really enjoy your website - I spent many late nights perusing it while nursing my son, and now check in regularly for information and advice.

I'm in a really difficult situation right now. My much-loved sister-in-law and I were thrilled to have due dates with very wanted babies within a week of each other in June. However, last week I found out at a routine ultrasound that the baby's heartbeat had stopped, and now am waiting to miscarry naturally or to have a D&C. This is a devastating event for my husband and I, as it is my second miscarriage, and comes on top of my father's death 1 month ago. I'm just really, really despondent.

On top of grieving our loss, I'm finding myself feeling very resentful and jealous of my sister-in-law, who hasn't done a single thing to deserve these thoughts. I don't know how to be around her now, or how I will cope with watching her pregnancy progress. These feelings make me feel like a very small, very selfish person, and I know that she would be able to offer support, but I just can't let her in. I feel like she will grow to judge and resent me if I continue to shut her and her family out, but I just don't know how to pretend that everything is OK.

Thank you in advance for any advice you or your readers might be able to give."

Oh, Anon, I'm so sorry for your loss.

And I think you need to be gentle with yourself.

Ask your husband to tell your sister-in-law. She will understand that this second miscarriage on top of your father's death is too much for you right now. She'll sit by silently until you're ready to be around her again, without resenting you for feeling your feelings.

It won't always hurt this much. You will feel joy again. But you don't have to force yourself right now, because right now is too raw.

Readers? Any words of comfort for Anon?