Q&A: Your MIL and Mothers' Day ownership?

Today's question:

"Here is an "anonymous" question...no way I'd post this with my name! Ever since we've gotten married I've send my MIL a card for mother's day. I've been a mother for 5 years now and not once has she sent me a card. She will call and wish me a happy Mother's Day though. She sends a card for everything else (birthday and anniversary). (And yes, this now sounds petty!)Is there some rule I don't know about...do Mother's Day cards only go one way generationally speaking?"

The devil is in the details, and it's the "petty" things that can eat away at us.

From my limited experience, some women have a big problem giving up the "I'm the Mom" identity to a daughter-in-law. I don't know if it's lack of confidence, or never having transitioned into a new identity that integrates other parts of who they are, but if you feel like your whole worth is in being a mother (and maybe you're not so sure of your skills in that area), and you feel like your child has left you to be with a daughter-in-law, then I can see how it would be hard to share the Mom role.

I'm not sure if you, as the daughter-in-law, can do much about it, except just try not to take it personally, because it really is more about her than it is about you.

You can decide to be a different kind of mother-in-law if your own child gets married someday. My own mother has made a very conscious effort to be as open and welcoming as possible to my brother's wife, and I can see how different their relationship is from my mom's relationship with her own MIL. It's possible, but it really has to come from the MIL, from what I can observe.

Thoughts? Who has a great relationship with a MIL or DIL and can identify why? Who has a bad relationship and can identify why? Who needs to vent about yesterday? Lay it on us.