Last day of Round 1! Today we need to knock out the last six first-round matchups. Read the description of each problem in the pair, then vote for the one you think sucks more than the other. MY DESCRIPTIONS ARE ONLY FOR EFFECT, and you should vote on how bad YOU feel each problem is, not based on my description of it. Voting runs midnight to midnight, EDT.
27. Nanny quits vs. Partner soothes baby better than you can
28. Two in diapers at the same time vs. WOHM shunned by SAHMs at school
29. Sex for the first time post-partum vs. Partner's business trip when your baby's under 6 months old
30. You wake up at midnight, drooling, on the floor next to the crib vs. Mommy drive-by from your mommy
31. "Mom. Mom! Mommy!! MOM! MO-O-OM!!!!" vs. Electricity goes out and you lose your frozen breast milk stash
32. Mastitis vs. Walk into room to find baby climbing out of crib
After a long, stressful day at work, during which your main consolation was knowing your child was in good hands, you come home to your nanny telling you she's accepted another position and is starting there in two weeks.
Partner soothes baby better than you can
All you've got is nursing, and if that doesn't calm the baby down, you're out of tricks. Your partner, however, is the freaking baby magician and can practically soothe your baby using telepathy from the other room. Don't babies like their mothers more than anyone else? What are you, chopped liver?
Two in diapers at the same time
10 diaper changes per day for the baby, and 6 per day for the toddler. It seems like some days you do nothing but change diapers and wipe poopy butts. It seems like you'll never be done changing diapers and wiping poopy butts.
WOHM shunned by SAHMs at school
Every time you drop off and run out to get to work only a few minutes late, you feel their eyes looking at you. You don't know their names, except from the emails they send asking for someone to bring in cupcakes at 11 am for the class party, or sharing photos of the field trip to the apple orchard on a random Wednesday right during your office's busy season. None of them has introduced herself to you, even though you've volunteered to organize and send out the monthly class email. It feels like your child is out of the loop because you can't go for coffee at 9:30 am.
Sex for the first time post-partum
Sex? Wait, what? I have to take off my yoga pants for this? And you're going to touch me all over? What if the baby wakes up? And who knows if my parts even work anymore. Wait, what?
Partner's business trip when your baby's under 6 months old
Just when you'd finally gotten the routine down and gotten into a great bedtime groove, your partner has to go out of town. Suddenly the two-person house of cards turns into a one-person scramble, and you're desperately hoping your partner's flight home isn't delayed even a minute.
You wake up at midnight, drooling, on the floor next to the crib
Bedtime is largely taking care of itself, as long as you sit next to the crib while your sweetie falls asleep. Which means that sitting next to the crib while your sweetie falls asleep is worth it for a no-fuss bedtime. Until you wake up with your cheek smushed into the carpet, drooling, at midnight, and you didn't get anything done that you thought you were going to get done. Plus you're drooling.
Mommy drive-by from your mommy
Why do the judgments seem to hurt the most when they're from your own mother?
"Mom. Mom! Mommy!! MOM! MO-O-OM!!!!"
Electricity goes out and you lose your frozen breast milk stash
Three months of doing a pumping session after the morning feed, storing it all up so you'd have plenty when you went back to work. And all of it gone. It isn't even about the financial cost of replacement in formula (hundreds of dollars), it's about the effort and planning that went into building that stash and now it's as if you did nothing.
Hot, swollen, burning, shooting pain, complete with angry red streaks, along with hot flashes and fever and dizziness. You're not even sure you should be driving yourself to the doctor to get a prescription for antibiotics, and all you want to do is drift off into sleep anyway.
Walk into room to find baby climbing out of crib
You hear a noise on the monitor, so you go to get your toddler out of the crib before they start screaming. As you walk into the room, something seems a little off, and finally you realize your child is CLIMBING out of the crib!
AND WE ARE DONE WITH ROUND 1. Voting for Round 2 will contain four match-ups each day, one from each division, starting tomorrow morning at 9 EDT. (These midnight votes were killing me.)