Vent here for Christmas

Vent here anonymously and safely for Christmas. No vent too big or small, and all topics allowed, from hating something about Christmas to hating that you’re bombarded with Christmas. No Misery Poker: everyone’s pain is valid. Give support if you have anything to give.

25 thoughts on “Vent here for Christmas”

  1. People who think there’s a "war on Christmas" in the United States have absolutely no clue what Christians go through in other parts of the world. You have the day before and the day of off. You have sales before and after so you can load up on material goods the way Jesus would have wanted. You’re so ignorant about the actual meaning of the holiday that you think Saint Nicholas’s real name is Kris Kringle. And yet just let someone say "Happy Holidays" to you and you just about shit a brick. Here’s a thought for you: not everyone shares your conception of God, your choice of a date to celebrate Jesus’s birth, or your (genuinely pagan) Christmas traditions. So if you really want to put the Christ back in Christmas, put down that fucking reindeer ornament and go volunteer at a soup kitchen. Now that’s really what Jesus would have wanted.

  2. I’m feeling some ungratefulness which is stupid, as I know I have much to be thankful for, but my husband came home with a significant cash bonus this year and the one person who might have given me some money to spend how liked for the holidays didn’t even give me a card this year. (My dad who in the past has been fairly generous as giving me money is usually his only way of showing he cares. In fairness, he has been doing a lot for our family this year by helping do some work around the house he feels isn’t getting done due to my husband’s heavy work load. And that’s a completely separate post.) I guess I’m just disappointed that my Christmas gifts are going to be simple and practical and not so much "fun" this year. I love to give and receive so while I know things could be so much worse, I’m feeling a little blue.

    1. It’s not stupid to feel ungrateful. This is a bizarre time of year; I don’t care what anyone says. Feeling blue is legit – and you aren’t alone. 🙁

  3. Everything my mother-in-law does annoys me. Everything. Even stuff that’s harmless. I will try to not find her irritating, and I fail, year after every year. It’s exhausting. She comments and comments and comments on EVERYTHING and I find it unbearable.

    1. I am thankful that I’m not really a mother-in-law although my second husband has kids but they are grown. And lord knows, I irritate them by my political beliefs and my beliefs about how they treat their father, but they don’t have to be around me nor I around them. If I had to be around my first MIL, I’d be posting your same comment. I hope you find space away from the comments.

    2. I am SO WITH YOU! But mostly in regards to my father-in-law. And my inlaws do so much for us and our family and they mean well and are never cranky or pushy but they DRIVE ME BONKERS anyway. And then I feel guilty for being driven bonkers.

  4. I hate Christmas, not just this year but every year. I hate the forced good cheer, the shopping, the overspending, the expectations of my family that are never met. If there were an actual war on Christmas I would volunteer to fight in it.

    1. Right there with you. Even as a child I never understood what all the commercialized bullshit had to do with Jesus Christ and his birth. Let’s go burn some evergreen branches, welcome the Yuletide and call it a day.

  5. Thankful that @Moxie provides this here for all of us. Hugs to each person – I’ll read and try to send you energy or good thoughts or whatever. This is a safe place. I know from years past.

  6. I am just so mad and bitter that I have to do All.The.Things and cook a big meal and deal with my MIL and be a big ball of stress and DH just eats and drinks and dosn’t have a care in the world. Grrrrrr. Too tired to write more but am pissed.

  7. I’m exhausted after double holidays (Hanukkah and Christmas) and 11 straight days of presents 8 for Hanukkah, Christmas Eve, Christmas, and then a belated Hanukkah family party. I’m just done. Plus a death and funeral and lots of emotions around this time of year that I got from my dysfunctional family. I just want to go to bed and sleep for a few weeks. Instead, I’m playing Santa.

    1. I hope you can at least go to bed and sleep for a few hours or somehow get away soon. Two holidays, all those presents, all that emotional crap bearing down… no wonder you’re exhausted 🙁

  8. I am trying to fight the good fight against commercialism and expectations while also trying to help set good expectations and an understanding of the real meaning of Christmas. I hate buying presents, I hate putting out all that money all at once, I hate the feeling that my kids are not having a "magical" Christmas, I hate feeling Scroogy while everyone else is happy, I hate all of the pressure, I hate being the one who has to plan every single thing, I hate that Christmas isn’t fun any more. I’m grateful most days, but on Christmas Eve I have to really work on it. I wish all of the expectations could go away and Christmas could be a quiet, reflective day with a real appreciation of what’s important. I think some people have that on Christmas, but I don’t, and that makes me sad.

  9. I am the bad apple of the family and everyone knows it, they are all so proud of each other and their various magnificent achievements, when talking about me it always has a negative spin, because they know that i’ll never be worth anything. My brother is a ray of sunshine from the asscrack of god himself, he’s only here for a few days because of his fancy job in a different country, so the entirety of christmas is just an excuse to shower him in love and adoration. He’s an amazing guy with an amazing life, and he deserves all the praise he can get, but sometimes it feels like there’s no rational reason for ME to exist, and occasionally their language betrays that fact. Sad panda 🙁

  10. Christmas has always been a reminder of how shitty my life was growing up. I think I (we) stopped celebrating when I was in the 8th grade. It just got too depressing. Three years ago my dad died on December 22nd. Four years ago, I got dumped on Boxing Day…in a parking lot. I gave my ex a pie after he dumped me and then went home and stayed in bed for days.

    But I really think I hate Christmas because it is a reminder of how lonely I really am. The truth is…I’ve got nobody. And the biggest fear is that I am going to die alone surrounded by no one.

  11. We are spending the holidays with my husband’s family and I miss my own family. And I am mostly just worn down by the fact that drinking booze is THE way they celebrate everything and they just drink so much. I am left with caring for the kids because I don’t want a bunch of people who are drunk off their gourds holding my baby or comforting my toddler. Besides booze, the gifts are the main focus in their family and I wanted my kids to grow up without feeling like they have to be obsessed with material things. The in-laws got my toddler so many gifts she ran out of steam before opening half of them. I am a grown-ass lady, but I just want to be with my own family, singing cheesy songs, watching movies, opening a few meaningful gifts, and then eating food that everyone helped cook. Instead I’m making all the food, trying to figure out where we’ll store all this new crap, and wanting to lie down in the middle of the kitchen floor because I am so tired.

  12. I am four days into a three-week visit from most of my husband’s immediate family. I never wanted this and I’m so done. This holiday is always bad enough as a reminder of how not on the same page my husband and I are and how far we are from what I’d wanted, and with so many of his family members here it feels even lonelier. Their most important holiday tradition is staying up past midnight listening to loud music and getting drunk, so my husband was even less help than usual this morning–the silver lining is that quiet time alone with my kid is awesome, so I’m trying to focus on that. My MIL has this constant running commentary about what my kid thinks or wants; it’s mostly wrong and always annoying as shit. She has contradicted me several times as I parent and oh, the boiling anger that inspires. I give almost no fucks about what they think of me anymore, but although that frees me to go about my routine as I normally would, I still have to do some interacting and not caring does not help with the suffocating feeling of having all these people in my space who will not be leaving any time soon. I drink very infrequently but I definitely took my coffee this morning with a generous splash of bourbon. Fuck this.

    1. Any chance of whisking away your little one so your husband and his family can have some together time (while you escape?!) I’m with you – not sure who thinks a 3 week visit from anyone is a good idea. And esp not from people who are in your business when you obviously already know how to handle your business 🙁

  13. This has been a tough year on a number of levels — my brother in law died of cancer, I’m battling infertility, and I somehow agreed again to host Christmas even though I don’t want to and seem to only do it for everyone else. And I got caught up in getting excited about presents that I purchased for others, but then get bombarded with guilt about the money spent and let down when their reaction is less than I hoped it would be. I feel like I am just crashing and crashing hard, snApping at my daughter & husband and family that is coming over for dinner. All I really want to do is sit in the dark and watch a Christmas movie and do crafty stuff.

  14. FU sibling favoritism – apparently, my brother and his GF can go out and for lunch and a movie without comment but my mother jumps down my husband’s throat when he starts making a can of soup for the 3 year old at 1pm because she had plans (and BTW, she is not even dressed yet)…

  15. When I was little, like 6 or 7, I asked to open a present Xmas eve. My Mom said yes, so I asked for more and again she said yes until we were always opening all presents Xmas eve. Every single year after that she would tell the story that we did that because I wanted to. That it was me deciding and we all had to…

    This year when she started in on this I said, ah, and you, the parent, said that was ok? You, the parent, decided to change the rules in response? She stammered yes and I followed up with saying, ok, that was your choice as as the parent to do that. I was a child.

    I got a therapist a month ago (my husband had been cheating online for years with text and videochat and I found out over the fall, that’s what prompted it). The silver lining is learning to stand up for myself, both with him — no one deserves to be treated with betrayal, no one — and with my Mom.

    Nicely, because I want to be a good person.

  16. I have always loved Christmas until this year because I suddenly have no extended family (my father is an alcoholic and, I suspect, has a narcissistic personality disorder) and my husband and I separated in March this year. We attempted the day as a family but ended up arguing and he left before the turkey lunch. It was a strange feeling spending the day just with my two kids. We got through it but the huge feelings of failure and sadness were overwhelming. I was so relived to take the christmas tree down on boxing day and pack it away. I know other families have grandparents for their children and were spending the day with loved ones, it’s very isolating when you don’t have that. Most of all I feel sorry for my children, when they are old enough to realise what they are missing. I hope I can make up for it, but it seems like a huge mountain to climb right now. Thanks for reading.

  17. I hate having divorced parents, but I hate it the most at the holidays. I hate schlepping my toddler and all her crap from house to house, and the hassle it imposes on my spouse as well. I hate having to get in the cold car in the dark and drive between houses. I hate having to plan and negotiate equal time.

    Most of all, I hate how my parents and other divorced people gaslight me about it to avoid their own guilt. Yes, I am "resilient", though I hate that term, but so what? It still sucks. It still takes forever. It’s still expensive, no matter how "resilient" I am. My daughter still gets less time with her grandparents. Hating and resenting these things do not mean I am maladjusted or that anything is wrong with me. Yet it is not socially unacceptable as an adult to have negative feelings about any of this, or even to want an acknowledgement of the time, effort, and money I am forced to spend accommodating their choice of divorce.

    Maybe they would have been unhappier together, but so what– it doesn’t change the fact that it is burdensome to me. They’re both still unhappy now, and I still hate their divorce. It puts the burden of their unhappiness on their children and grandchildren.

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