Evergreen

Hi.

I don’t know what to say. This has been a really difficult week for a lot of us.

This was supposed to be the beginning of a new year, of new things, of detoxes and new plans, of bullet journals and new projects and coming around the bend into the second half of the school year. Of peace and calm and a fresh page.

But instead we were snowed inside, alone and lonely, or with kids who were bouncing off the walls, or with someone we wish we still loved. Our normal coping skills were taxed past reasonable limits. Missed days of work, missed pay. Fights with people we need to work together with. Treacherous trips out of the house. -40 F (-40 C) in some places and 120 F (50 C) in others. Goals already off-track because we lost a whole week.  The seams of tenuous relationships coming apart, stitch by stitch.

Wishing things were different.

White-knuckling it.

Bad news.

(Cancer.)

 

For those of us who watch our steps carefully as we walk because we know the edge is always there, waiting for us to slip over, this has been a challenging week. “Challenging” is a euphemism.

 

We are still here.

We have each other. Even when we don’t feel like anyone else can hear us. We are here together.

 

We are still here.

21 thoughts on “Evergreen”

    1. Rachel, you are in this community? Wow – how terrific that you and Magda, two such wonderful people – and writers – know each other.

  1. so, so true. cancer, pneumonia, Parkinson’s. a failed pediatric dentist visit resulting in a future $3500+ out patient hospital visit just to fill a cavity. siblings who normally get along fighting like cats and dogs non- stop. I want a 2014 kickoff re-do.

  2. Well, that about pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it? Not sure what 2014 has in store exactly. But it’s certainly got my attention. Hugs to all that are having a hard time of it right now.

  3. We’re still in the year of the snake. Most of this will get better once we get to the year of the horse! We can hold on for a few more weeks!

  4. Oh, cancer is such a thief. It has stolen my parents’ plans for their golden years. F* cancer and the horse it rode in on. I’m so sorry that it is something you are having to deal with.

    Our new year went off the rails before it even started when our much beloved cat was hit and killed by a car on New Year’s Eve. We’re lucky that that’s the worst that’s happened but it sure took the bloom off the rose of the new year.

  5. I’ve been largely spared (in California, health holding for those around me, newly insured [!], only stress the usual financial crap, well out of fall’s edge-of-depression), but I know so many of you have not. Sending what support I can through meditation and plain old good thoughts.

    One thought in this weather, if you have any cash or time to spare: Homeless folks are in danger every winter, but especially now. If you can help your local shelter or homelessness support organization in any way this winter, please do.

  6. Challenging is definitely a euphemism. Thanks for being here – having each other and being here together definitely helps.

    I’m so sorry that someone in your life has cancer. That just sucks.

  7. We spent the week that straddles 2013 and 2014 with swine flu. We’ve been house-bound for almost 2 weeks now. The 7 month old is teething and his already crappy latch is even more craptastic; I’m getting plugged ducts every other nursing session. The lack of sunshine and fresh air really brought on my PPD in spades. I had a day where I could NOT stop crying! I just kept saying, "I want a do-over! This is not how life should be!"

    But I thought of all the excitement and opportunity we have for 2014, and I thought, well, of course all that goodness and light is going to be met with ugliness and darkness. We just have to keep on fighting in faith that it will get better.

    Magda, there is a beautiful daily devotional book called Jesus Calling that is really speaking to our hearts every day. I’m not a "daily devotional" type of person, but this one is something special. See if you can find a copy.

    xoxo

  8. "Challenging is a euphemism."

    2014 – bring it on. I’m through wallowing thanks to you, Magda (you succeeded in this where no one else did; you rock) and it’s time to take this to the mattresses.

    F*ck cancer indeed. We’re still here.

  9. I’m so thankful for you! I am also sorry that you & others are dealing with so much. But misery (or overwhelmed-ness) loves company & it does help to know that I am not the only one trudging through some eyeball-deep muck right now.

  10. "For those of us who watch our steps carefully as we walk because we know the edge is always there, waiting for us to slip over, this has been a challenging week."

    Yes. This. Thank you. <3

  11. @Magda: So sorry to hear that someone has cancer. That super sucks.

    @Laura: I stopped getting plugged ducts when I started taking lecithin after having my second child. I only take one pill every other day and I haven’t had a plugged duct since. Lactation consultants swear by lecithin; other health care professionals haven’t heard of it (in my experience). You can get it at the drugstore. I found out when I had my second child that having had chronically plugged ducts with my first child (I didn’t take lecithin then) gave me scar tissue in one breast (which now doesn’t make as much milk as the other one). Also, PPD sucks. Hope you are able to get treatment for it. I find it very helpful to see a therapist that specializes in post partum depression (the issues are different than those in other types of depression; who knew?) and Zoloft is my other best friend.

  12. Thanks, Mary. I have been considering lecithin this week, for sure! I have never had chronic plugged ducts, and am hoping this is just a factor of his teething. I have had mastitis twice with each of my three nurslings, though! Maybe I’ll pick some up; I’ve heard good things about it, too.

    The PPD is manageable this time, unless other circumstances start piling up. I still pop a placenta pill from time to time, if it gets really bad.

    I love this community.

  13. <3 to you. So sorry to hear someone you know is affected by cancer. "Cancer can suck it!" as my bracelet says!! We do have each other, and thank you Magda, for this community!

  14. Wow, I wish I’d read this Friday. I thought it was just me and/or hormones. I’m in CA, so I can’t claim being snowed in, but the unseasonably warm weather actually bothers me a lot – I get irritable when it’s too dry out, and when we get horrible high winds, it’s just like a rainy day in that you can’t really take the littles out to play. Also, I hate that it still feels like fall but my second (and likely last) daughter’s first year is slipping rapidly away. Plus work stress and chronic neck and back issues have just made me a total bear. I was so determined to start the new year off right and it’s just sucked so far. Today, the baby wouldn’t nap so it felt like more of the same, but I handled things much better, so maybe things are looking up.

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