Primal Scream Friday

Yelling too much and want to stop (or at least cut down)? I revised my popular Release The Yelling course into a self-paced workbook and it’s up and available now. $12. All the details and the button to buy it are here.

The newest MoxieTopic is also up! Called “Parenting With Another Person” it talks about what can happen when the parenting gets lopsided so one parent is in charge of all the kid-related stuff and the other parent isn’t. Once it lays out the problem, it then tells you how to either avoid that problem or get back on a better track to share parenting in a way that feels equitable and keeps everyone in relationships and roles they’re happy having. $5. (This went out automatically last week for free to subscribers of All MoxieTopics.)

Heads up that I’ll be releasing a workbook about how to make the Christmas season work for you and your family no matter what you want out of it and what your feelings about the meaning of the day are. My hope for this workbook is that it will take the stress, disappointment, and sadness out of the season for us by letting us focus on what’s important to us. It’ll be out November 1, and I’m doing a version for people with kids and people who are childfree. If your community or religious organization is interested in doing an easy fundraiser that will help their members through the super-fraught holiday season, watch for the details about the fundraising program I’ll put out when I release the workbook.

Now. You see that I have written nothing all week here. I am busy. And stressed. I’m attempting to put a positive spin on my issues, but would like to invite you to do a Primal Scream Friday. Topic of your choice. No scream too big or small.

0 thoughts on “Primal Scream Friday”

  1. Our health insurance premiums are going up by 50% in January, from about $300 to about $450. We can’t afford it, but we can’t afford to get cheaper insurance, either, thanks to chronic health problems. The best part: our insurance is through my husband’s employer– a hospital! One of the most profitable not-for-profit hospitals in the country, in fact.

    I graduated in June with a Bachelor’s in Business Administration/Accounting, and it’s looking like I’m going to have to settle for a job that pays about $10/hour, which is less than I made working in an office BEFORE I went back to school and got two degrees. I’m so frustrated with everything right now. My husband and I are both well-educated, he’s a salaried IT professional at a thriving hospital, and we’re just treading water financially.

  2. After years of soul-searching, we decided to raise and have our 3 daughters baptized in the Methodist church. I was raised Catholic by a VERY Catholic father. My mother attended mass with us but never converted from Methodism. My husband is not Catholic and we both feel at home in the Methodist church. I thought my father was handling this reasonably well. The ceremony was last weekend and he attended and was pretty gracious.

    But on Tuesday he came to my house and said we needed to talk. He laid on a guilt trip while claiming to not want me to feel badly. He was discussing wishes for his funeral and lamenting that there was no one in the family who could take communion at his funeral. I was respectful and held it together until he left and then cried for half an hour. I’m angry too! The conversation served no real purpose. Well, maybe it made him feel better. He likes to ask me what Methodism gives me that Catholicism doesn’t. I wish I had the nerve to tell him that bull$!#t like that is exactly why we chose Methodism.

    I hate that this issue pushes us apart with no real solution possible.

  3. Husband and I are separated, and called me this week to say he couldn’t get a bank account because of some charge-offs (money was a huge factor in our marriage ending) so he proceeded to yell at me and hang up and all that fun stuff (also another huge factor in the end). Also my bipolar and difficult mother is up to visit for the weekend for my son’s 3rd birthday. Husband is asking me to meet and go over the divorce papers. I want the divorce. But feeling like not dealing with it either. Also my period is right around the corner which makes me extra anxious. That is all. Don’t have the energy to say anything positive ;(

  4. People who are in denial about their dogs being aggressive, and allowing them to hang out on a very long leash so that they come running and snapping up to the sidewalk, scaring the shit out of anyone walking by. Today, it resulted in a woman with a huge gash on her head and a dislocated shoulder, and me trying to talk her into sitting down while dialing 911, while keeping an eye on her dog and my son. I am so frustrated that I wasn’t able to do more for her – I’m trying to tell myself that getting her an ambulance quickly was important enough, but I felt so helpless as she was in tears because she needed to pick up her son from speech therapy, and the paramedics wouldn’t let me take care of her dog. Re: the aggressive dog, it took me a couple hours to decide that the right thing to do was call animal control. I am scared that the dog will be punished for the owners being irresponsible, but I am so angry that someone had to get hurt.

    1. There is a dog like that in my neighborhood. I keep thinking there’s nothing I can do about it…but your story has inspired me to do something. Thank you.

  5. I am behind on everything this week. Everything. Homeschool is barely happening, I have editors yelling at me for revisions that were due yesterday, laundry is quickly becoming Mt. Laundry, and the dishes aren’t far behind.

    Worse, I feel like I can’t complain because my husband just had two office workers quit on him, which pretty much quadruples his work load as he has to find and interview two new people, plus do their job, his own AND take the on call phone that those two workers usually take. Complaining feels like we’d just get into some kind of pissing contest, which I’m not interested in. Ugh.

  6. First-year teacher here. Working non-stop, totally exhausted. I love my students and am so happy I chose this job, but some days I do not know how I could possibly get it all done. Almost cried during class today. Feeling like I am not doing a good enough job, even though I am doing as much as I can. I’m worried that the amount of work I’m doing is not sustainable for the whole year. Also moving in 3 weeks and haven’t started thinking about how that is going to happen.

  7. I returned to work 4 days after I had gall bladder surgery. My PHD hubby can’t find a job after getting laid off 6 months ago. He has Aspergers, naps daily and forgot to pick up our 2nd grader after a 1/2 day. He says "well, I’d rather be working."

  8. My trusted babysitter failed to pick the kids up from school on Monday. Just never showed. Won’t return phone calls or emails. We have no idea what’s going on – we assume a major family crisis of some sort (she’s not a flake), but it doesn’t matter much when my kids are sitting around without anyone to get them. (Husband finally got them, but it was a Huge Deal.) Now I have no after care, an insanely busy schedule, and to top it off I have to run out and buy new extra car seats, because my extras are in the sitters car. I did not need this! Also major drama at work that I don’t need. I’m tired of feeling like I’m in non stop crisis mode.

  9. Most days I am a happy, enthusiastic person who is reasonably confident that I’m doing a good job as a Mom (FWIW, I’m a WOHM). I do fun stuff with my kids all the time. They help me cook. We do crafts. We have dance parties in the living room. We read. We watch cartoons. We make desserts. We play. I am an enthusiastic and happy person– I try to keep it positive. Not today. Today, I am so, so sick of being the bad cop in my house. I’m so sick of being the least favorite parent. I’m so sick of my 6 y.o. son telling me he loves me less than his Dad. I’m so sick of my 2.5 y.o daughter being 2.5 (i.e. resistant and boundary testing in every respect).

    My husband is a very loving, nurturing, happy go lucky person and I adore him and couldn’t do with out him. But. I’m the one who is the source of all structure and rules. It’s not like he never says "no"…he does–but if he were married to someone different or were parenting alone, I think the structure, routines, and healthy foods would be out of the window. Consequently, I’m the meanie in the house. And I’m fucking tired of it. My kids adore their father, they tell him they love him all the time and I’m happy about that. But when I come to pick them up from school (we divide pick up and drop off evenly, alternating days) my son groans, slumps his shoulders and says, "Why couldn’t Dad have come instead of YOU?" My 2.5 year old daughter never co-operates in leaving pre-school when I pick her up– I get part of it is that, after a day of good behavior and keeping it together, she’s letting it all hang out with me. But never making it to the car without her screaming and crying is a trial. Today after picking the two of them up, I just want to cry. Part of me suspects that, hey, kids, as wonderful as they are, can just be selfish assholes sometimes and I should be a grown up and not take it personally. But deep down, I suspect that I am the asshole. There must be a reason why my kids prefer their Dad. There must be a reason why my son can say "I love you, Daddy." and just says, "OK" when I tell him I love him. I cook meals, I wipe butts, I brush hair, I make our house a home, I provide the structure and order in our lives AND I work full time and I feel like I’m failing as a Mom. Not because my kids aren’t healthy, smart, funny, awesome little people. But because they just don’t seem to like me very much, and it really hurts. I know I shouldn’t depend on them too much emotionally (I grew up in a house where I was the parent, made to feel responsible for my Mom’s rage and sadness and I NEVER want to put that on my kids) but is it wrong to feel like my kids should love me and be happy to see me at the end of the day?

    My husband gets angry with the kids when they are rude to me or when my son says "Mom, I like you, but I just love Dad more.". And I, for my part, try to make it clear that everyone is entitled to their feelings and try to frame hurtful words as a politeness issue–"You don’t have to like me/the rule/the situation, but you can’t speak to me disrespectfully." Fine, so my son gives a half hearted "Excuse me."

    I know they need me. I know they need me to do my job and be the grown up. But tonight, on this particular day, I just can’t not be sad about being second best.

  10. Feel like I’ve been operating in crisis mode since early July. First, hemorrhaging led to a blood transfusion, hysterectomy and a week-long hospital stay in July. In August, exactly six weeks after my surgery when I was just starting to feel like myself, my mother died very suddenly. In September, I went for a baseline mammogram (I’m 39) and was called back for additional view and an ultrasound. Radiologist recommended that I get a biopsy. Breast surgeon who did the biopsy said the area looked very suspicious and was likely cancer, so I spent 48 hours scared to death while waiting for pathology. Turns out it’s benign (a fibroadenoma), but she still thinks it should be removed. I’m having it done on Monday, and I’m a little nervous. It’s the third time I will have gone under general anesthesia since summer. And I take blood thinners, so there’s the risk of bleeding when I have to go back on them after the surgery. Just ready for my life to go back to a more normal pace. The stress and anxiety is wearing on me.

  11. My wrist was broken by some cowboy at the roller skating rink a month ago (there with my daughter & husband), put in cast and then I had surgery 2 weeks ago to put a plate in because my wrist was "shattered." Now in theory I’m doing physical therapy (not seen for PT until next week) and I’m freaked out that despite 5 days of at-home exercises, I don’t even have a pincer grip!! My fingers seem mostly inert. Worried I’m losing precious time, but I’m not a #@! physical therapist!

    My husband has been travelling a ton, and is quite irritable with me when he’s home. Feel totally disconnected & can’t remember why I married him? My 7 y. o. is helpful. But she announced yesterday that since I broke my wrist, her life is boring b/c I can’t do much and her dad is never home. Too true (despite all my efforts to keep her life going along…).

    It’s exhausting me to get through each day minus a hand. The most simple tasks take forever. And my workload has exploded this month (of course), with deadlines right & left and client issues and stress because I am the project director responsible for it all… and I have only one hand to type. I know it’s all temporary, but what if my left hand never recovers??

  12. I feel like the worst Mom because my ex and I are divorcing and even though ex moved out a year ago my 5 year old is just coming to grips with it. Last night DS told me he wished Mommy and Daddy were dead because we don’t live together anymore. That wasn’t a great moment in my life. My son can’t stand the thought of being without me but is aggressive towards we when we’re together. I just feel like a giant failure and taking care of my house seems like too much work.

  13. Moving. Big deadline today, and boss would not let me take the day off to move. Fine, husband responsible for move. Husband’s company had a security breach so the whole company has been running on no sleep for the last 48 hrs trying to secure all data and communicate with clients. So I had to do all the packing. (Husband is handling all other move and renovation-related stuff so I’m grateful.) On top of this, FIL books plane tickets to arrive from overseas the day we are moving, despite our pleas for him to come after the move. Bah.

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