If anyone remembers our delightful Nanny B from several years ago, she got married over the weekend and the boys and I flew to the West Coast to be in her wedding. We’re so happy for her!
An anonymous (because she hasn’t announced her pregnancy yet) but regular reader writes:
you written anything about how not to be totally overwhelmed with
second pregnancies?? I’m in such a bad place right now and even the
smallest of symptoms is causing me to panic.
It’s like I had forgotten how rough pregnancy is physically.
I left the “Gahhh” in because I thought that was the essence of the email. 😉
To give some background, her first pregnancy was uncomplicated and her child is a preschooler now, but she was worried throughout that pregnancy that something bad would happen.
I was the same way. I wasn’t relaxed for a second until the baby was out and I could see that he was fine, either time. And I had depression during pregnancy both times. So those nine months were a time period to slog through to get to the goal of having the baby, not something I could enjoy.
So the first thing I’d say to Anon is to cut yourself some slack about feeling bad. Some women love pregnancy and enjoy it, but others do not, and there’s nothing wrong with being either way. Liking or not liking pregnancy doesn’t mean you’ll be a better or worse mother.
I also think that once you’ve gone through pregnancy and labor and delivery you’re not as fearful of the delivery because it’s not unknown anymore. So if you’re a person who enjoys pregnancy you can enjoy it more, but if you don’t like pregnancy it seems even more interminable and every symptom is both insult and injury.
I’ve really got nothing for Anon, because my coping technique the second time was just to complain constantly. While I think it was the right thing for me at the time, I don’t recommend it to others.
So, what do you have for Anon? And yes, she does know she’s lucky to be pregnant and to have a live child already. She’s thrilled about both of those things, just not about the actual experience and emotions of pregnancy.