Q&A: What do you do when you feel like you just can’t do it anymore?

Anon writes:

"I'm a single mom of a 6-year-old and 2.5 year old twin boys. I got
divorced right after the boys were born and I've been doing it alone the
whole time. My 6yo is helpful but is having some very serious
behavioral issues right now, in the form of tantrums, acting out, saying
she hates everyone, etc. Her best friend's parents (my friends) have
even instituted a "break" between my child and theirs because her
behavior is so out of control. (Not physical, nothing dangerous. More
like a simply time out ends in 2 hours of screaming bloody murder from
her room). I think her behavior is due to the fact that her
horribly-unreliable father hasn't seen her in months and doesn't have
any plans to, despite promising for months that he'd be taking her for
the summer, as is written in our parenting plan. (He simply says he
can't, because he has to work and can't afford sitters for them.) I've
given her individual attention, I get sitters for the boys and take her
out alone, I've tried talking to her and truly listening (she says she
doesn't think anyone likes her and her dad doesn't want her), we do a
TON of fun stuff, I go to every school function.

The
thing is, I'm at the end of my rope. I'm so tired of being told that
she hates me, and her brothers, and doesn't love me, and wants her dad.
The boys ask for him all the time but don't have the resentment and
anger (yet). I don't work (I live off my child support/alimony, just
barely) because I can't afford childcare with the wages I'd make. So I
have no break. My friends and family are only
supportive in the "that's a bummer" way, not in the "let me help you
out" way. I wish they'd step up, because I think my daughter could
benefit from having another figure in her life who isn't stretched so
thin. Alas, there's no one here.

I just don't
think I can handle this. As we all know, the highs are high and the lows
are very low in parenting, and sometimes I do ok. But overall, I'm just
spent. I just don't know if I can keep this up. I'm on antidepressants,
I have anxiety meds, I have sleep medication (which I can't take,
because I'm solely responsible for these kids and can't be zonked out).
Still, I'm having heart palpitations and "losing it" a little more than
I'm comfortable with. I'm genuinely getting worried about having a
nervous breakdown. I exercise, I have friends, I hire sitters about
twice a month to get a break, I'm doing what I'm "supposed to."

I
just don't want to hate my life, and
constantly fight with my kid. I've tried a zillion methods of
parenting, but God, I'm just so tired and overwhelmed. I just can't
figure out how to make it work. I love my kids, of course. That's a
given. But it's so constant and monotonous…and the fighting, and the
screaming, and the tantrums, day in and day out times infinity.

All
I can think to do is drop the kids off with their father, just so I can
get a break. Legally, he should have them this summer. But I'm not sure
that's actually best for them, despite their longing to go. (Not to
mention, if he can't work because he takes them, he stops paying me.)

I
keep hearing "suck it up" and "dig deep" kind of comments…but I just
can't. There's nothing left to dig from. Please don't think I'm
overdramatic or whiny or whatever. It's not like I'm about to turn them
over to the state or anything. I'm just out of ideas for how to make
this work. It's not
working."

I'm really sorry people are saying "suck it up" to you. That's both clueless and cruel, and I'm guessing it's coming from people who aren't alone with their kids 24/7 and who don't have a child who's acting out constantly.

I asked Anon some follow-ups questions, and it turns out that her kids' father lives 500+ miles away. So she can't just give him the kids for a weekend or after work. He says he works six days a week, and is uninterested in seeing the children, although Anon is willing to let him stay in her house to visit the kids while she stays someplace else. He doesn't want to see the kids.

So.

Everyone: This is the fallout that happens when parents don't take their responsibilities seriously. I know it can be really, really hard to have to deal with an ex, but if you don't keep pushing to see your kids whenever you can, your kids are going to bear the pain of that. I know there's someone out there right now who's wondering if they can really keep dealing with an ex to be able to see their child: YOU CAN. You can do it, no matter how much it hurts you, because the alternative is hurting your child. Your child needs you.

Now, to Anon: Your daughter's hurt is more than you can deal with on your own. For one thing, you can't really comment on your ex to your daughter. And for another, you don't know enough about the grieving process in kids. You need someone who has experience with grief and separation to help your daughter through this. I would search for a divorce support group for kids for your daughter. If you can't find one, look for a counselor who has experience helping kids with grief. I'd call her school counselor or social worker as a starting point to find someone.

Once you find someone to help, you'll have that other adult who will understand enough about the process to be able to talk about it with you honestly and give you the feedback you need about how to help yourself deal with it.

In the meantime, I wish I lived across the street and could just tell you to send your kids over to play with mine and @jenunexpected's in my front yard while you spend some time alone. Not being able to afford to work is serious, and real, and happens to way more of us than people in different employment markets imagine. The good news is that eventually all your kids will be in school and you'll be able to work for pay. The bad news is that that's a few years away.

If you felt like you could, you could email me back and tell me where you live, and we could see if we could find more support for you, whether that was just finding a few like-minded moms to hang out with who would understand your stresses, or more substantial childcare or employment help.

What I do know is that even though you think you can't do it, you ARE doing it. I just wish the tunnel wasn't so long so it was easier to see the light at the end of it.

Who has words of help for Anon?

105 thoughts on “Q&A: What do you do when you feel like you just can’t do it anymore?”

  1. I wish with all of my heart there were some advice I could offer. But I do offer you my good thoughts and supportive energy. I know that is probably more annoying than helpful, since it can’t do that much to relieve your pain and stress. But know that somewhere out there, there is a person who will be thinking of you and sending you good vibes. I have twins, and don’t have any support network around me, so I know how hard that is, not even counting all of the other stress you are dealing with. Be well, and know that peaceful vibes are headed your way. xx

  2. I don’t have a lot to offer except virtual support, but one thought I had was perhaps to check and see if any nursery schools or day cares in the area offer scholarships (ours does). If you could get free or heavily subsidized child care, even for only a few hours a week, it would give you a little more time to regroup and maybe even do a little bit of income-earning work. I don’t know how well that would work in the summer when school is out and your daughter is home, but I imagine camps might have scholarships as well?

  3. I just quickly googled Big Brothers Big Sisters, and it looks like for at least the first location that came up, children can start programs as early as age 6. That might be a place to add another steady figure in your daughter’s life–and to find out about other resources for children in your area.That’s what sprung to mind. Best to you, Anon.

  4. Since it says he has to take the kids, I would push it, but I’m like that. And I also have a wonderful relationship with my father (divorced parents). He always worked two or three jobs but made us his first priority. My parents were not awesome as far as nurturing us children through their divorce but we did turn out OK, so there is hope. It would be easier if you weren’t so far apart though because then he could take the kids on Sundays and you could catch a break.I’m going to go all crazy now….ready? Since this is an untenable situation, you don’t have a job or a helpful support network in your current location, is it possible to move where their father is so he can see them on his non-working hours? If he truly doesn’t want to see them, this would just make it worse, but if he does, but logistically cannot figure out how to make it work, maybe it would help. Obviously, it is something you’d need to discuss with him prior to showing up.
    Also, have you checked into social programs like subsidized day care from the state? If your potential income would be low, oftentimes, the state will step in with very low cost day care (a dollar a day and whatnot) to help get you into the work force. If you’d like a break and a chance to work, this could be a partial solution until the kids are in school.
    I don’t go to church, but you might look into going to one. They can take the kids for Sunday school or nursery for a couple of hours while you sit quietly and possibly drink coffee and eat a donut engaging in fellowship with others and it could offer you a larger network of people (and counselors).
    Good luck!

  5. For the OP please remember your daughter is doing this because she feels utterly safe with you. She knows she can rely on you. It sounds a cheap and nasty thing to say, but it’s because you’re a good mother and a great parent for her.That’s no comfort sadly. I am not divorced but have had some similar experiences. My only child, daughter, now five has acted out during her father’s frequent absences. They are business trips, and the long hours where he’s not there in the morning or evening, and either still at work on the blackberry or just too tired from work to be much fun in the weekends.
    I am home with her and only do a bit of work from home, and none during the school breaks. All put together she is only in school for not quite eight months.
    She is an only, we parents have no parents left, we do have friends but the support system is basically not there except for expensive hired help if I am ill. Isolation happens easily, particularly if your friends don’t want your difficult child for a playdate. That happens and it hurts.
    She is like a different, miserable, child when daddy is away, and everyone can tell when he is off on a business trips who knows her at all, like in the local shops etc.
    It feels awful into the bone marrow not to be able to compensate/comfort her. It is better now she can talk on the phone etc. but she is still like a powder keg, and increasingly verbally acting out, but we are doing a lot better than before.
    Last year she had a series of physical tantrums when daddy was away and there was stress at preschool. One was so epic I was left bleeding from the scratching and unable to get her ” out ” of it. Other parents watched and the gossip about my mothering being terrible soon went round.
    Not paranoia, friends told me. The next day I went to school, said I had had it, saw the school special needs head who put a protocol in action that helped no end at school, so the teachers could work with her, and social stories for me to use at home too.
    She also suggested when to look for an educational psychologist etc. I found one who did play therapy and that was hugely helpful. I still work with the school, and they with her. If she went downhill again, I’d go back to the play therapist. I have a handle now on the situation.
    What I learned from that episode is don’t go it alone. If my daughter had a physical health issue, I’d find a doctor. With this I was just miserable and ashamed and felt guilty. Getting outside help changed the ballgame.
    OP needs help. Try the school first. Being at home can be very isolating. OP is not alone, lots of us have been there, still are there, and would be glad to be a sounding board etc.

  6. Just wanted to say this post made me teary. I have no experience with this so I can’t offer tons of advice, but I do agree with the ideas offered here so far, especially for professional help. It sounds like your daughter could really use someone else to talk to. There are definitely low cost or free counselors/therapists out there, though finding the right one might take some doing. I also like the idea of a church. My cousin isn’t religious but she joined a church after her divorce. It’s really helped her–put her in touch with lots of teenage babysitters, given her social events to attend, and even access to a support group for divorcees. It’s not for everyone but it might be worth investigating. I am sending you big virtual hugs!

  7. Oh, OP, I feel so deeply for you I don’t know how to articulate it. My husband is away much of the time for work, and I am on my own with my two. I work full time, so even though I get a break from them at work, my professional life is very stressful, and juggling the child care/ sick children/ constant management was so overwhelming to me that I ended up profoundly depressed. You are *not* whiny; you do not need to dig deep. You are digging deeply every moment of your waking life. You are doing a great job under extraordinarily difficult circumstances.I second all the suggestions to try different kinds of play therapy, social work, divorced play groups, etc. Your daughter needs more support than what you can give her alone.
    I didn’t feel like I could do anything for myself (making “me” time, getting more support, etc) so I did the second best thing: I got on medication. I started worrying about the long term effects of the amount of stress I was under, and I was more concerned about what a dark place I was in (and how it was affecting my parenting). It made a *huge* difference for me.

  8. Some practical advice would be to hire an au pair. This is costly, of course, but you really need another adult in your life that can share some of your burdens. I think you’re justified in asking for more money from your ex to pay for this since he is not honoring his end of the agreement and caring for the children during the summer.If you do get an au pair, it might be good for you to get a part-time job doing something as unstressful as possible. The amount you earn might not be much but I think working can be a good way to get a break from your children, carve out your own identity, and might help you form a plan for what kind of career you want once your children are a bit older.Another option besides work would be to go back to school and get additional training so that work towards financial independence.
    You can do this. It totally sucks but you will make it through it.

  9. I also have an older daughter with younger twin boys (mine are 8 and almost 6) so I wanted to offer some virtual support, even if I have no good advice. Are you a member of your local twins club? I like taking the kids to events with the club because all the parents are used to “zone defense” and it can help to take the pressure off. I think the suggestion about church is good also, and believe me, you don’t have to be a “true believer” to attend many of them.Hugs and best wishes to you and your kids.

  10. I second the question of where you live (if you’re comfortable sharing, even in private messaging) – this community is huge and varied and wonderful and who knows someone might be able to help in person.

  11. Anon, is it possible to directly ask your supportive friends and family to support you in an active way? They may not realize just how frayed you are and how much their assistance could help you. Is there one (or more) of these people to whom you could say exactly what you’ve said here?

  12. Not sure when your boys will be 3, but most school districts begin Head Start around that age (sometimes earlier if the child is potty trained). This might give you time to work or just to have a break

  13. I have a good friend who is a single mother and she has signed her child up for free programs through a local university and unitarian church that give her at least 2 breaks a week. The university offers a weekly program with an education major at the library and it’s one-on-one time with the student and the child to play boardgames, read books, do puppets or legos. The church program is Sunday school, but she picked unitarians because they teach a wider variety of religious information than most churches and they have a nice playground.central IL here, if that happens to be Anon’s location.

  14. First, I am so sorry that your ex is just not there. That sucks.Second, Your 6 year old needs another person to help her through her grieving the loss of her father. It sounds weird, but she is clearly having trouble with trust and it is spilling over to all parts of her life. Do you have insurance? You should get her to a therapist asap is possible. She needs to learn how to work with her anger (sounds really tough, but trust me, it works. Call the school and get her working with the social worker/counselor asap. She needs to deal with the fact that she can’t trust her father’s word, but she can trust others. I suspect this is a huge part of her anger. (FYI: my daughter had to go to therapy for anger at age 7. She was hurting herself instead of lashing out. I cannot express how lost I was at the time)
    Third: I agree with looking for childcare financial aide. You need some time to yourself. You’re going to lose it if you don’t. It’s clear you are having signs of anxiety already. The Big Brother/Big Sister is an awesome idea.
    Fourth: Can you look for single mom support groups? Something near you to allow you a chance to vent and such?
    Fifth: You will get through this only because there is no other option. I wish I could help you more.

  15. Having a child abandonded by one of their parens is really, really aweful. The reason that it feels so hard is because it IS so hard.It actually seems like it is good (even though it is hard) for her to be acting out. Therapy seems like it would help.
    I was thinking about big brothers/big sisters also, but Scouts could also be helpful – a place to be just one of the other kids, not a situation. And for you, expanding your network. The high school by us has a pre-k program that is cheap/free and (I think) starts at aget 3. Actually, the front office at your daughter’s school could be of big help here: both the school counselor might have some ideas and they should know of real life, local resources for the boys.
    You’re doing a great job — you’re a safe place for your daughter to act out. You’re looking for more ideas to help. I think you will work hard and get your family to a better place.

  16. Reading this hurt my heart a little. I’m sorry OP…I wish I could do more than be a cheerleader. We’re in NW Washington with a fenced yard full of toys.

  17. This sounds so hard, and I hope you can get the support you need as a parent and an individual. Try googling “respite child care” and your city or state to find a program that can help by taking the kids off your hands for an evening or a weekend now and then. The programs may be public or private and they’re usually low-cost or income-based. Evaluate them like you would a daycare. They may also be able to connect you with babysitting resources, support groups for single parents, and so forth.

  18. Sending compassion flowing your way, OP. My daughter struggles with emotional regulation–she flies into massive tantrums, only ever at home, just with us, never in front of other people, but tantrums that would last for hours and grew increasingly physically agressive (although she is quite tiny for her age and didn’t pose an actual physical threat to us, the aggression was getting scary). We started seeing a family counselor (just us two parents) and after 2 years with some improvement but still not really a good outcome, we’ve started making heavy use of the local children’s crisis line (we, or sometimes my daughter, calls them at night to get help containing her emotions) and are also now seeing a different counselor who meets all three of us. Slowly, things are changing. I don’t know whether there’s such a crisis line near you, but that might be another option–and one that might help point you to some other resources like some other commenters have suggested.I am so sorry that the people around you aren’t seeing ways to be more helpful.

  19. My kids are the same age, I’m married with my parents nearby, and I STILL think it is hard. You are an awesome woman and I wish you could come over to my house. You could get a break and our 6 year old daughters could do some dramatic screaming together and our boys could play in the dirt with trucks and we could have a glass of wine and chill. I could tell you that you are amazing, and then send you out for a long afternoon to do whatever you wanted. But since I can’t do that (unless you live in the NW) I will think of you and give you a long distance hug.

  20. I want to second what Wilhelmina said: Your daughter acts this way towards you because she trusts you to love her and support her no matter what. You are a great mom, and you are the best parent for your children.I am so so sorry that your ex has put you in this position, and that you feel so unsupported. I don’t have words of advice, but wanted to share my support.
    If you are anywhere near the Triad area in NC and felt comfortable with it, I would love to help give you some breaks this summer. (I don’t have kids, but I’m a graduate student in education)

  21. I’m so sorry. This situation is just plain hard. You sound like a great Mom.Lots of good ideas here…I hope you can make 1 or 2 of these work for your family.
    If you don’t feel too uncomfortable doing so, PLEASE consider telling Moxie where you are so that some real people can show up and help a little. There are lots of good people here who would love to help.
    Big hugs to you.

  22. My very first thought was “where does she live?” No one should have to go it alone. I hope that we can get a network going for her.

  23. My heart aches for you and your children. I am a child of divorced parents. My mom left my father when I was 10, my brothers 6 and 1. My father was not involved in our lives from that point. My middle brother (the 6 year old) had a ton of anger at everything and everyone. Anger that definitely stemmed from the absentee dad. What made the difference for us as kids, was our extended family. My mom was raising three kids alone, working full time and going to school at night. We were very blessed to have aunts, uncles and grandparents who loved us up and gave us attention. If it was not for the time, care and love of our extended family, I know things would have turned out much differently for us, especially my brothers.My advice to you is to find that support network of people – be it friends, neighbors or family that can be there for you and your children. I know this isn’t easy, but people make the difference.

  24. I’ve got nothing for you, beyond what has already been offered.For those reading, this is such a good reminder that we need to keep our eyes open for the women (and men) in our community drowning in the rough seas of solo-parenting. Ask people how they are and wait for a real answer. If you sense overwhelm, but get “I’m fine” as an answer, look someone in the eye and say, “Really?”
    Offer practical help even when it’s not asked for. Muffins on the doorstep are hugs from Heaven no matter who we are. If we’re not sure who’s going to come up with the next batch of calories for our clan, they’re a life saver.
    Be good neighbours to each other. Someone sees this OP every day and wonders if she needs a hand but doesn’t know how to help. Just do it.
    Huh. I wonder if I’ll remember this note for myself?

  25. I saw ‘expensive childcare’ and thought she may be in a major metropolitan city. If Anon is in Brooklyn, I can help with her kids!

  26. I don’t know the ins and outs of child support, but if the ex would take the kids for the summer IF he could afford child care, could Anon put her child care income towards that expense?It sounds so incredibly hard.

  27. I could almost have written that, except my kids are older. I do, however, know exactly how you feel. What helped me a lot was the YMCA, although your boys might be a little young for their camps. They were wonderful in working with us for discounts on summer camps and childcare. We’ve since moved to an area where the Y isn’t nearly as generous, but it’s definitely worth looking into.Also, honestly? You need to see a lawyer. All your ex is doing is outsourcing his childcare problems to you and upping your expenses, and one way or another, he needs to knock that off. I fully understand not being sure that’s what’s best for them – and I *have* been able to force my ex to take them from time to time, so I can describe the pitfalls in some detail – but the martyr act can come crashing down around your ears faster than you think, too (not just mentally, but physically – our bodies can only take so much stress). You may have some legal options you don’t realize, even low-cost ones. And, if you’re in central NC, let’s get together for a drink. As a wise friend of mine said (and it’s become a touchstone of mine for those tantrum days even though I rarely drink otherwise), “serenity now, Merlot later!”

  28. I don’t have much to add to the resource ideas already mentioned. The only other thought I have is wondering if OP can “do less” for a while. I know when I get overwhelmed or my health issues flare up I just stop doing as much. The boys get pb&j and cereal. They watch a lot of Blue’s Clues. I say no to any commitment that seems taxing to me. And we just try to be outside in the fresh air and relax.I hope something here helps OP, and she gets some room to breathe again.

  29. I agree w/previous commenters that her daughter acts out because she feels safe with her. My SIL was in the same situation (divorce) and her then 5 yr old daughter screamed and scratched her until she bled on a regular basis. She took her daughter to a therapist to help work on her anger issues. At school, they put her in a special class to help work with her social skills (and ADHD). Though it feels like it’s taken a long time (about a year now), we’re all finally starting to see improvements. Just a thought. > from SoCal.

  30. Moxie, why don’t you step up and offer her a complimentary coachinbg package? You could write about it (while preserving her privacy) and it would be a good showcase for your skillz.

  31. I am in a similar situation. My husband is in a nursing home with a neurodegenerative disease, and I am a full-time stay at home mom to 1 & 6 year olds. We live 1200 miles from family. I don’t know if it’s encouraging or discouraging to say that I have hit that wall that you are at multiple times. I have tried calling my church, asking friends, telling family members, but the fact is that people are busy. Everybody is busy with their own kids and jobs and lives, and it is easy to get lost in the shuffle. The only thing that has helped me is to let as much go as I can. When I hit the bottom, we eat cereal for dinner. Our clothes don’t match. The house goes uncleaned. I try to find one fun thing in the day to do, so I go to bed with that one success to think of. My 6 year old has cycled in and out of extreme behavior as well. If you can find a good children’s counselor that your insurance will pay for, that could be a huge help for her and you. As for the rest of it, I think by getting up out of bed every morning, knowing what you’re facing, is incredibly brave and powerful. You aren’t giving up even though that would be the easier choice. Here’s hoping you are able to find some concrete help. And soon.

  32. Hello Moxie and moms out there!My child discovered a website called VIDRYTHM and now all she wants to do is create these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Dp4Qmb4Gzo
    Please check it out and let me know your thoughts. I dont think it’s anything harmful, however she is now thinking of incorporating it into her next bday party and a possible school project. Should I be concerned?
    Thank you!!

  33. I just want to echo the others to say that you’re already doing a fantastic job. Your daughter trusts you and can express herself. I know that doesn’t really help that much. A local church might be really helpful. I say that as a not religious person. the school should be able to direct you towards resources.If you’re in the central NJ area, Moxie’s welcome to share my email with you.

  34. Ugh, I really, really feel for you Anon. I, too, wish I lived nearby and could help. I live in western NY if that means anything useful to you.I’m seconding Neuro’s comments re: church or school resources. I work in a small community, and there are lots of church groups and community groups that would help. If you can even get to a library where there’s a storytelling hour, you might buy yourself an hour or so. I’m also seconding someone else’s comment regarding a single parenting group.
    In the meantime, I am sending you every bit of strength and love I have.

  35. I don’t have anything practical to add to all the great tips that are already here. But I wanted to say that I’m another one on the list of people who wants to help if I can. It takes a village to raise a child, and maybe we can be your village.

  36. I’m in much the same situation, except my ex is an alcoholic and my kids are not safe with him. I have a 6 year old daughter and a 4 year old son, and my daughter has been in counseling since January. It has made a HUGE difference, and the private counselor I’m working with does a sliding scale fee. My daughter has gone the opposite direction, sliding towards depression and crying a lot rather than tantrums, but it’s all stemming from the same thing. Lack of a father. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this, and if you happen to be in the Texas panhandle/western Oklahoma area, email me. Let’s see what I can do to help.

  37. This is going to sound a little backwards, but can you try getting up earlier to carve out 30 30-45 minutes in the morning just for you? I wake up an hour before the children so that I can begin the day in quiet and peace. I find even if its been a rough night with the baby and I’m still tired, a good beginning makes a huge diffenece in what I’m able to tolerate for the rest of day.And if you happen to be in South Carolina, I’ll be happy to lend a hand.

  38. Joining the chorus to ask where Anon is – I would love to be able to help. (NW Missouri here.) Anon: even if I am not able to help, you and your family will be in my prayers.

  39. Sorry this is so long. You have every right to feel sad and overwhelmed. I love Moxie’s idea of posting the city where you live to see if any readers might be able to help. Here are two ideas to get help. One I’m sure you thought about.Someone posted, “He has to grow up.” IMHO, he needs to realize that these kids are 50% his, period. If he can’t physically help, then he needs to increase his financial support. He literally needs to pay to help you and the kids deal with the fall out of ‘his’ decisions.
    1. Since you’re alone you need to bounce your feelings off someone. A therapist would really help you forge ahead.
    2. Your daughter is acting out based on her fantasy of what life with dad would be like. She needs to work that out with a play therapist so she can get a handle on his rejection as soon as possible.
    3.You need a break, so a day camp and a sitter is in order. This doesn’t need to be expensive. Churches and social services have access to these resources. Young teen girls want summer work. A sitter could come to your house and play with the kids so you could have some down time.
    If he really can’t contribute financially then contact the social services around you.
    1. Try talking to multiple churches in your area, whether you attend or not. They have great resource lists that can help.
    2. Try visiting the school before the teachers leave for the summer to see what day camps and programs they suggest.
    3. Try going to the early childhood department at your local college. Students usually need to do course work related to real life; I know I did. They can help or recommend someone who can help.
    4. See if your local pool will enroll the kids in swim lessons for free. You can do that with art programs or kid gyms. Most programs have a fund for special circumstances.
    5. See if your church has a “help a family’ program.
    Developmentally your daughter is going through a lot as well. Here’s a partial list of developmental traits that may apply to your 6 year old.
    6’s try out relationship roles by using extreme behavior with authority figures. They can be bossy, mean, tease or tattle.
    6’s need routines. Routines create comfort 6’s can rely on, especially when stressed.
    6’s take failure hard.
    6’s have trouble making decisions.
    6’s are very dramatic.
    I hope you find support soon. If you need any parenting help, email Moxie and she’ll contact me.

  40. I’m peeking back in to say what I forgot to say earlier: If Anon is in my area (Minneapolis, MN), Moxie, please feel free to share my e-mail address with her. I would love to help. Every mama needs a village, period. For what it’s worth, I have experience dealing with a lashing-out little girl — so that doesn’t scare me. (My 7yo daughter has been having similar behavioral problems, for different reasons.)

  41. I am seconding and thirding the recommendations to begin with the six-year-old’s school (counselor, guidance, social worker) and also look for free/low-cost therapy for the child (this will naturally include the parent). This might be through a church, or you might find something by looking on your state’s government page under mental health. Also, see if your area has RIP (Regional Intervention Program) – 6-year-olds are the absolute oldest they take (designed for young children) but it is FREE and WONDERFUL, for children and parents (they’ll take the 2-year-olds, too). Good luck with everything. Take care of yourself.

  42. I am in Western New York with a 6-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son, and happy to help if she lives anywhere near. I also belong to a moms group that I found on Meetup when my daughter was a baby, and it made a big difference…organized play dates and story hours and zoo outings led to friends in the same boat, a true support group. Maybe she could find something like that in her area?

  43. Oh, this was hard to read. I was in a similar position when my kids were 3 and 5. It’s now about 4 years later, and things are much, MUCH better.This is going to sound overly simplistic (because it is, really, I know), but I found that everything was a lot more manageable if my then-5-year-old daughter had enough protein to eat at very regular intervals. Years later we talked about her tantrums, which could be screaming fits that lasted up to two hours before she fell asleep exhausted, and she said, “Yeah, I don’t know why I did that. I felt like I couldn’t control it at all. It was scary.”
    So, I know that’s not the answer for you, and it wasn’t the only answer for me, either. But it was one small thing I could do that made a noticeable difference for us.

  44. My 6.5 yo still throws tantrums a few times/month. I am oddly relieved to hear she is not the only one. I lose my mind after 24 hours of solo parenting (kids 6.5, 3.5 & 1). Also, I millionth the leverage-the-Moxie-community offer – I’m in Portland, OR.

  45. Sending so much love and support. My daughter is almost 8 and we’ve been having lots of challenges with her behavior as well. There is a place in Phoenix (where we live) called the Melmed Center that is covered by insurance and does broad spectrum behavioral/emotional/developmental screenings. Perhaps there is a similar type of service in her area?The only other suggestion I have to add from the great ones already listed is to spend as much time out in nature as possible. When we’ve been able to get our family outside it makes a HUGE difference. It’s free, it’s entertaining, it’s peaceful for everyone, and they can be there for HOURS so it’s almost like a break.
    And as the child of divorced parents where the dad had major issues, I can say first of all, that it will be ok in the long run. And also, the pains that I did suffer have become the source of my greatest strengths as an adult. Because my dad was bipolar, he could never see or love me for who I am. But because of that, now that I am an adult, I’ve made it my work to live in a way that truly sees those I love. I fail constantly, but it gives my life purpose and meaning.
    Sending waves of love and encouragement. And if she’s in the Phoenix area, please let me know.

  46. Boy, do I understand. I am going to go against the group here and say that if Ex doesn’t want to see the kids, it may not be automatically in their best interest to have him involved. Not the common wisdom, but I do not believe that a bad father(mother) is better than none at all. Also, you do not need the job of convincing him to see them on your plate. I would be in favor of going back to court for more money and to change the custody/visitation order to reflect the reality that Ex is not living up to his responsibilities — IF and only if the money, time, and energy of going back to court is not completely untenable.Second, there are no single parent support groups. Ok, maybe there are, but in nine years I have never found one that was not defunct. Single parents do not have time for support groups. And, they don’t need to sit around getting emotional support from each other. What they need is for coupled parents and single people — anyone who has more resources than they do — to step up and help, in practical ways. Babysitting, cooking, housecleaning, errands, financial advice, nonjudgmental emotional support of either parent or children or both.
    My daughter doesn’t have a father either, and what she needs more than anything is for a man to be willing to fill that role on a consistent basis — even a little. Play catch with her, fix her bike, take her fishing every week, *something*.
    From brutal experience I have learned that kids need us to be honest with them and accept their emotional experiences unconditionally. This means not defending, excusing, or covering up for the other parent’s failures. I don’t mean to bad mouth him, of course, and it is crucial to keep the personal stuff between parents out of it. But saying awful, hard things like, “I don’t know why he isn’t having you come this summer. I’m so sorry. He is missing out on so much by not seeing you. It’s not fair.” and letting the tears and anger be heard and validated can help the child know she is not crazy for feeling the way she does.
    Six is a hard age in general. I definitely agree with those who have suggested play therapy for your daughter, and I would suggest some therapy for you, too, because you are under an unbelievable amount of pressure.
    I decided when my daughter was about three that I was not going to turn down any offer of help (as long as it really was help). The sad thing was how rarely I had the opportunity to keep that vow, but making it was part of my process of admitting and acknowledging that I did need help. It’s not easy to ask for, and circumstances like these make it even harder because self-sufficiency seems like the only way to survive, but becoming more conscious of recognizing it when it is offered and giving yourself blanket permission ahead of time to accept can make it less of a dilemma.
    My best single piece of advice is to keep looking for those rare, precious people who can and do help in whatever form that takes. They will not all be the same people.
    I have a ton more to say but this is a novel by now and I have to get ready for tomorrow…
    Moxie, send the OP my email if she would like it.

  47. Dearest Anon,May God bless you and keep you, may God’s face shine on you and fill you with peace, dear sister.
    (North Bay, Ontario ready to be called up for service if wanted)

  48. I have no advice that hasn’t already been given here…but I am in the Toronto, Ontario area if that is of any help to Anon…

  49. I’m so terribly sorry. And if you’re in/near Chicago please let me know. I also know a good divorce lawyer here who might be able to help you figure out if there are ways to tweak/fix the divorce contract so you’re either getting personal or financial support.

  50. Hugs. I’m a single mama, too.Thankfully with a motivated, involved father for my son, but no family nearby.
    My son is three and we split when he was seven months. It took a long time to build the sort of social network i needed to support me to be the sort of mum i want to be.
    This is the stuff I did:
    – find a playgroup where you feel accepted. This took me a while, but was totally worth it. other mums to talk to, other kids to distract yours so you can actually talk.
    – ask your friends for help. Even the ones who are like ‘that’s a bummer’ – I found that the ones who did have become much better friends. it turns out we make friends much deeper when we ask for help instead of offering it.
    – found a registered family daycarer who took my son on my terms, in an environment that could be flexible to his needs. She is now like his second mother. and we are firm friends.
    hugs. maybe none of this will help. just no that solo parenting is the hard road and you are doing it. and that is enough.

  51. if you live in southern maine or nh, let me know – i can help out!other than that, my only advice is to be outside as much as possible. i have a high energy 5 yo son and an infant, and just when i think i’m going to break, if i can get us outside, all the bad energy disipates. nature heals somehow.
    i wish you so much strength.

  52. Oh, you ARE doing an amazing job. You are dealing with SO MUCH and still going strong, even if you feel weak. I wish I was close and could help you out. I agree with those above that support groups could be wonderful, and a counselor from your daughter’s school could help you find resources. Best wishes to you. I wish I could do more through the computer.

  53. Moxie, please email me if OP is near Philadelphia, PA.Crickets and OP–Pretzels are a totally ok dinner. Not every night, but on “those” nights.
    My older child had massive anger issues and eventually grew out of the tantrums when he caught up to himself–you have great advice here.
    The only other thing I’d add is to look for a moms group–MOMS club, Mothers and More, something. Many of them have scholarships for moms who can’t pay the dues.
    Hang in there. I hope you are close to some of us who might be able to lend a hand. It’s never “enough” but every little bit helps.

  54. I’m in Baltimore & a part time single parent. I’ve had great luck finding other mothers in my situation and getting together for weekly pot lucks. The kids play, we eat & drink & aren’t so alone. It made a huge difference even though it solved zero of my problems.

  55. Maryland/DC area here. Happy to step in if you’re around here.If you and your spouse have a way to Skype or do FaceTime on your computers or phones, that could be a more meaningful way for your Ex to connect with his kids than by phone (assuming he wants to connect).
    I have a very helpful spouse but no nearby family and I felt extremely isolated and depressed when my kids were going through tough times. Very hard to imagine doing it on my own with no break during the day.
    It sounds like getting your daughter help via a counselor or therapist is the first step. Then you can focus on carving out some help for you. Hugs to you!

  56. I was at the end of my rope almost 5 years ago with two kids under two and husband completely falling to pieces with PTSD and a job and two rentals to take care of and and and and and … I well remember that sinking-is-headed-toward-drowning feeling.What changed my life was joining a 12-step program (CoDependents Anonymous) that helped me tease out what I could actually do to change things and which bits I needed to just dig deep for.
    I don’t have time to read all your comments, but the first thing that comes to mind is that you might be able to change your message to your daughter about her relationship with her father. If you’re still trying to sell her “you dad *does* want you” … well, the sad, hard truth, maybe, is that that is BS and she’s getting old enough to recognize it as such.
    My parents divorced when I was 4 and my biological father has gotten progressively more absent in my life since then. He is not really a kid person and he had 3 teenagers from a previous marriage to raise. As I got older, we hung out occasionally (he lived about 3 miles from us) doing things like playing racquetball or going to a basketball game, and one summer when I was home from college, he bought me a membership to his gym and I ran into him there occasionally, which was kind of fun. But he was really never my “Daddy” after that. (I was lucky in that my mom remarried a guy when I was 6 who wanted the position, and he is a fabulous father to me and grandfather to my children.) The truth is, it did affect me, knowing my biological father never wanted me and didn’t enjoy my company much as a kid (and doesn’t feel compelled to make much of an effort now that I’m an adult). BUT, I’m grateful that while my mom never said bad or disrespectful things about him (she went out her way, for example, to praise the fact that he *always* paid his child support and continued to do so — after he was not longer required to by law — through my college years), she did point out that he loved me, but didn’t try to sell me on BS like “he wishes he could spend more time with [you]”. She always told me that he wasn’t much of a kid person, and that he loved me the best he was able to. Could you have that conversation with your daughter, maybe, without criticizing his inability? It’s a delicate balance, I know.
    I would also start collecting stories of people in history who didn’t have supportive fathers. Because she is going to need to know, as she grows up, that she has value as a person even if her father doesn’t want to be an integral part of her life. It sucks that she needs to learn that, but she does. If she were, say, missing a limb, you wouldn’t try to convince her that it was there (or that she shouldn’t care that it was missing) — you’d do your best as a parent to help her learn to deal with it, grieve it, and find her role models of people who had been successful without all their limbs. I think you can do that same thing with an absent father.
    Lastly, if you have good friends who commiserate with you and you think care about you, you might have to suck it up and ASK for specific help. I think something’s happened in our society that people somehow feel like offering specific help is going to offend you and they don’t do it anymore. Asking isn’t that commonplace either, but if you really need it, just do it. Helping out a friend in need feels good and it makes us all better people. It’s brave to ask if you need it, and it creates a greater connection between you, the people who help you, and society as a whole and as far as I’m concerned, the more connection we have, the better.
    If you are in the Seattle area, make me your first request. Moxie can give you my email.

  57. We can’t really get around that a lot of the suggestions are more work for OP, but hopefully more work (short-term) that will lead to a much better place (long-term). Someone early on had suggested moving to where the ex-husband is, but I would encourage OP to consider relocating to a place where her family is. This only works if OP likes and feels happy when she’s with her family. The “doing-it-on-your-own” thing is a new phenomenon, really — for generations, we’ve only been able to get by because parents or an aunt or a cousin pitched in. My husband’s dad left the picture completely when my husband was two – no money, no contact. My MIL relied on her mother a lot, and on her siblings. My husband’s uncle was a positive male influence for my husband and they are still close.We are in OK if we can be of assistance, and are sending best wishes for sunnier days ahead.

  58. Just wanted to share another possible resource — the National Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health is a network of parent-run organizations that provide support around children’s emotional, behavioral, and mental health issues. I worked for the Kansas organization for a number of years and believe a chapter near Anon (there are over 120) would be able to get her connected to resources and services in her community. Their website has all of the state and local chapters listed.

  59. I just wanted to chime and say I think a certain amount of honesty with children is a good thing. I don’t mean badmouthing the other parent, but acknowledging that your kid has legitimate feelings about how it’s all played out may be helpful. I’ve gone through a similar few years (split when my kids were seven and three), and it’s just so hard. I cut everything out of my life but work and kids – when I could manage anything else it was gravy, but lowering my expectations helped me. Their father is unreliable (alcohol and depression), so I have not been able to count on him for any time off. I moved so my job, their school and my childcare are within 3 kilometres of each other, and have slowly built up a network of friends that help somewhat.There’s no getting around it though, it’s a waiting game, because what really helps is the kids getting older. They’ve learned they can’t really count on their dad (we’ve talked about mental illness and how it’s affected their dad), and I say I’m sorry about that and unfortunately can’t do anything about it, but they can always count on me. It does help, in the end, but boy it’s desperately hard when you’re in the depths.

  60. My situation is similar to yours in many ways. I recently started both of my kids in therapy and it has been extremely helpful, for my son, in-particular. I second others’ thoughts that what might look like a behavioral issue might actually be a good sign if it means your child is externalizing her feelings. Also, I agree that it’s important to leave your daughter room to be mad at her dad. My only other practical suggestion is, if possible, to find another mom you can swap playdates with. I sometimes find it easier to have my two kids and three neighbor kids at my house than just the two alone. If you could arrange playdates in a way that would leave you some time without kids or with more one-on-one time, that might help. Final thought: kids are always changing. This sounds like a horrible time. It will get better. Then, it will probably get hard in a different way. None of this stays the same forever. What your doing is very hard but you sound like you’re doing it with a great deal of thought and love and perseverance. Best wishes to you!

  61. You might look into a YMCA membership. In my area the YMCAs have child care so you may be able to exercise, swim, or take a yoga class while your kids are looked after. I know it isn’t much but it may just give you an hour to recharge a little. Also, you could look into joining a MOPS group. Here, it only runs September-May and meets twice a month (each group is different). But they offer scholarships to join and many groups offer child care during the meetings. Many groups do registration during the summer months.

  62. Wanted to add – this is another you have to do some work suggestion – but maybe not too much. I felt like I had no time b/c I was working 2 jobs, my husband had a full time job and we have 2 little kids. In fact – I didn’t have any time – so I kept trying to find activities for myself to make myself happy – but I didn’t have time to set them up and do them and then they got onto my “another thing I haven’t done list.” Then I realized that all I really wanted to do was get into my bed. So I cleaned up my bedroom so it was pretty bare and put a pure white cover on my bed and bought two more pillows so there were pillows EVERYWHERE and gave myself permission to go to bed the second that the necessaries were done, even if it was at 8:30 every night, and read Harry Potter. This was great – during the day when I was overwhelmed I started fantasizing about my own bedroom which was great – b/c one way or another I was going to wind up there every night.

  63. OP/Anon here. Hey y’all. Thank you so much for the support. Those are some really good ideas, some of which I’ve looked into, and some I hadn’t thought of. What an amazing community this is! I emailed my location and told M she can give out my email. I just wanted to say I appreciate the support and commiseration so much. I’m definitely going to start with counseling for my daughter. Sending love and gratitude to all of you.

  64. I’m glad you commented, OP!This post has stuck in my head since I first read it.
    I can’t offer any ‘been there, done that’ sort of advice, so I’ll just say you’ve been in my heart lately and if you’re near southeastern WI you’re invited over for coffee. I’ll even make my blueberry coffee cake. 🙂

  65. 1. if you are in DC metro area and are comfortable sharing…happy to help in person if I can.2. I work at a Unitarian Universalist church. we take you no matter who you are, and I would really suggest finding a church (I suggest UUs:) for the Sunday childcare–you can skip the service and drink the free coffee in peace even!–and for the support.
    3. get your daughter to a good child therapist. some individual therapists and many group practices offer a certain number of reduced fee or sliding scale slots. as a broke grad student i have called around and emailed persistently until someone took me.
    4. Big Sister programs, Scouts, etc might be an option for your daughter.
    5. maybe see if you can find a listserv, or even Craigslist or something, for bartering. you probably dont want to trade childcare but i bet you could find someone to do some sort of barter. if you like to cook, maybe you could make an extra casserole in exchange for a couple hours of babysitting. or something.
    6. i dont know anything about the law, but it sounds like your ex is reallllllllly not holding up his end of the bargain. i’d see if there is legal recourse. if he doesnt want to see the kids–and that probably means its not good for them to see him, although i really dont know–then it seems like he’d have a legal obligation to up his alimony/child support.
    sending you many virtual hugs. it will be ok, eventually.
    also this is going to sound super corny, but reading dear sugar sometimes helps me when shit feels endless.

  66. Anon, thank you for checking in. Like others, I’ve been thinking of you since I first read this post. I’m cheering for you and those around you and praying for your village to take shape RIGHTNOWPLEASE.

  67. I don’t know if it’s been said or not, or if it will even help. But… my daughter was strong-willed and independent and when she was six it just about undid me. She would have hysterical hours-long fits over the most trivial things in the entire universe and I thought I was an absolute failure and had no patience and was on the edge all of the time (I also had a two year old son at the time and of course a lot more of my attention was focused on him most of the time). Sure, some of your daughter’s angst is due to the absent father, but hopefully most of it is a stage that she just has to grow through. This too shall pass, this too shall pass. I wish you strength and patience. Hang in there!! <3

  68. OP/Anon, thanks for checking in. You have been on my mind for the last few days and I checked back to check in on you to see if you commented.I agree with all the above: you sound like an awesome mom and I am not surprised you had tried some of the above and I am excited that some of the ideas are new. Continuing to send you good vibes from the “other side” of that hard developmental stage and wishing you peace and a nick-of-time sitter or other who can help. Hang in there!

  69. Chicagoland here with an overly-energied 2.25 year old girl ready to run her twins around if she needs us!I echo all the lovely suggestions.
    MINE:
    As a former teacher, I can promise that there is someone in her building who can help. Even if it wasn’t her teacher this year, there might be someone.
    We talked at my school about the “charismatic adult”. Every kid needs ONE person aside from a parent(s) who they know are on their team. One person who they feel knows them and cares about them.
    Maybe ask your daughter if there is a teacher, librarian, coach, whatever at school she really likes or feel knows her. That person probably gets what’s happening. They might not have the resources or skill sets but they might be able to give her an extra hug or some extra attention here and there.
    At our house, that is my best friend/neighbor. Since birth I’ve been telling my daughter “You can always talk to Jill. Always.” My hope is that if there is ever anything she can’t tell me, she will trust she can tell Jill (I’ve asked Jill’s permission to have this responsibility and offered my services to her girls.)

  70. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. You are NOT alone. There are so many of us who feel this at one point or another, but being a single parent, I’m sure, is especially exasperating and exhausting. sometimes friends don’t know how tough things are for one’s self. Perhaps you could reach out to your closest friend, and ask for some help outright, rather than waiting for it to be offered. You might do a trade, if they have kids, too. My kids were tantrum queens and kings, and I can tell you that it WILL get better in time. In the meantime, know that you’re not the only one and that you need to ask for help for everyone’s sake. You already took the first step by posting this :).

  71. I’m in the Tampa area, with a three-year-old daughter who loves nothing more than running around with friends. My house is a disaster but I’d love to go to the park or zoo. I even have an adult guest pass to share.OP, I sincerely hope you get the time to breathe, and have a chance to reach out to the amazing community here. Many of us would drive even an hour or more to help, I’m sure.
    Hugs!!!

  72. I feel our pain Anon I 2 am a single mother of 2 kids one is 10 and the other is 8 I wished that I could tell you how to deal with the stress but I can’t just today as my mom took my kids to school I cried myelf to sleep beacuse I feel like giving up on being a mother and I hate that feeling I love my kids and would do anything for them but with it being just me and the kids yeah my mom helps but it is mostly me doing the work so I guess all I can say is that you are not alone I too am going through the same thing.

  73. You and me are the same path only you have 3 i have one! I do have same issue about ex, my 2.5 yo daughter keep aksing me if i love her, and she is worried about if i leave her like her dad! I think kids can understan alot more than what we are thinking, i would recomend you to go to church regularly, teach your kids Thinks are not your fault, it happens sometimes and you can not stop !!! everything for reoson, that will work i think

    Dont take too much meds, they will help you only short term, find sometink natural like tea or some chines meds

    Good luck, i hope you have better days

  74. I have been in great bondage for almost 6 months suffering in the hands of a cheating husband,we were happy and leaving well until he meant his old time gilr friend and he started dating her outside our marriage before you knew it he stopped caring and taking care of his own family it was to the extent that now he was planning to get married to her and divorce me his own wife, i have cried and reported him to his family but he never listened to any one but to cut my story short i came in search for a real spell caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back me and our 2 kids on my search i saw people making testimony on how their marriage where restored by Dr Saibaba i pick his email and i narrated my story to him and he agreed to help me and after performing a spell on the third day they both had a quarrel with his girlfriend and he came home begging for i and my little kids to forgive him that his eyes are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family again and promise to be a caring father and never cheat again.I am so so happy that i did not loose him to the girl all appreciation goes to Dr Saibaba for you are a great spell caster and to whom this may concern if you have a cheating husband or wife you can as well email him on templesaibaba@yahoo.com

  75. yeah leave. I’m going to leave my kids too – not because I don’t love them, but because everyone is actively working against me – and if anyone tells you, a stressed out mother to do more and stick it out MORE they have no idea what you are going through.

    I take the same pills – I have tonnes of education – great health – I have to care for a mouthy teenager and a 17 month old baby??? Where oh where did their fathers go???? They went to selfish land, period.

    so what he has to work – it must be nice he gets to. if he is breaking the contract contact your lawyer now.

    listen go live your life – it will never get better – i have raised two families and there is no hope – things are gloomy they don’t change by themselves? your kids will never wake up one day and say "wow mom you are great" – well maybe they will in 10 years – if you don’t go crazy first.

    make a good choice to put them somewhere safe and go!

    you are not a bad person for trying your best.

    fact: you started a family with someone else (this fact matters)….the way i am looking at it, they leave and what???? – I get to win the be poor forever award? why am I useless in the world because my kids need me all the time?? why doesn’t anyone else care about them?……it’s not fair for anyone to say you didn’t try, and it’s not fair for them to ask you to do more….you didn’t sign up to be a single mother to a child from hell or three kids ALONE.

    why does he get to leave and no one cares – but if you want to leave – who is the woman – you are mentally ill…you are hurting them someone wrote? you are not hurting them if you are having a serious problem with your life satisfaction. you sound like you will never have any…and neither do i.

    i am not being negative – i am being factual – how does it get better?

    no – if you are at the end of your rope – take the hint before something really bad happens and you do lose it.

    if you were a man online asking about this – people would tell you to pay and walk away……honesty, when i think back to my own mother – she hated being a mother, so she drank. this was not in our best interests; it would have been kind for her to give us away. I am starting to drink and I have to stop.

    there is no shame in this – although this is a feeling like shame – oh yeah, it’s called failure- parenting is the hardest job on the earth….the people around you and me are selfish – why can’t you live your life????…..did you know that quality of life goes up when kids are with caregivers who can do it.

    I’m a middle class woman who can’t use any social services to help me with my kids, because there is social worker who wants to take them. I don’t do anything wrong – for christ sake I am children’s yoga teacher!!!!!!!

    if you don’t want to live like a poor teenage single mother (which is what statistics show happen to mothers left with their children) i don’t blame you one bit.

    will you screw up your kids for leaving – maybe, but who isn’t screwed up from something in their childhood…counselling will help them and if you are in contact you can have fun with them. it’s not the end of the world for this to happen – drop them off at your ex’s house….make him take responsibility for them – not you. they will be fine there….he can get childcare arranged or send them to some Church camp all day…they are free.

    they will love a new – not stressed out mom – i’m sure of it.

    your ex should be ashamed of himself for acting like a pig.

  76. I have regularly had dreams about my ex boyfriend ever since we broke up nearly 3years ago. They seem to have 2 different themes, either I dream we are talking again and working through our problems or I dream that I meet him or see him with his new girlfriend, in those dreams I have nearly always dream they are happy together. I once dreamt his new girlfriend had my name. But why is he still haunting my sleep almost every week. i decided that i dream about he because he is meant to be mine so i decided to get him back by all means i was scammed a couple of time by various spell casters until i meet dr kizzekpe who did a reunion spell for me and after 24hrs my man came back to me and we have been living happily since then i am happy to say i am 7 months pregnant now and i am expecting his baby which he is so happy about and has promised me an suv as soon as i deliver. what else can i ask for thank you so much dr kizzekpe for helping get back my ex. do contact him on email:kizzekpespells@outlook.com

  77. My husband left me when our boys were 7 and 10 and our twin girls were 8 days old. He quit his job, left and is GONE. I felt a lot like you are describing. I had a little help from my Church, but really had no one. My family was far away. It was so hard, I just did the best I could. Once when I found an address for their dad, I almost left all 4 of them on his doorstep. I didn’t though because they would not be safe. I can say try to take care of yourself and it will help the kids too. I wish I had asked for help more. Things got easier with time, the twins are 10 now and everything is so much better. Believe in yourself – you can be strong. Remember some days/times can be hard/bad, but only for a while, just keep moving forward and take it day by day, or even hour by hour, you should be so proud of yourself for what you do.

  78. Hi Anon, your little girl is very damaged and needs help. My daughter had the same, my plan was to ask for prayer,I talked to Ellel grange ministries and they prayed. Shortly after It came to me to tell my daughter to repeat that mummy loves j…. (her name) And j…loves mummy. The first time she said it angrily, by the third time she believed it and all the poison left her. Your girl feels unloved and somehow she needs to be restored to trust again. Best to keep dad away until she is through this?? He is torturing her I think, hope this helps, I’ll be praying for you x

  79. Anon, I am soooooo in your shoes (except my EX won’t even pay his court ordered child support!). I’m just wondering if you have seen any light yet, because I’m at the point of begging GOD to see it.

  80. Totally feel your pain. I solo parent my step children at the moment becaus dad works away arroubd 9months of the year. My oldest 11yr old stepdaughter has all these bad habits her birth mum never pulled into check like lying and tantrums ect… she has a learning disabilitie and is having problems making friends and dealing with her distance from her birth mum. I’ve also got her brother and my two toddlers. You just end up feeling like a crumpled up piece of paper thrown carelessly in the trash. They just keep telling me to stay calm and keep on being conistant. But its a long dark tunnel on your own. The tunnel does have an end though it wont go on forever.I had a similar experience as your daughter when my parents divorced I was 10. As long as you do your best and be honest to her and be aware of your kids when you diss the ex when she gets older and grows a bit of perspective she will love you more for it, and find her own peace.

  81. You live off alimony and child support. Why not use some of that money for daycare? After all, that money (the child support part) is supposed to be going towards the children anyways. And besides if you do decide to get a job your ex has to pay for half of day care. I know because I went through the same thing with my ex husband. So I say working is a good idea.

  82. This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me….My name is maria cooker … My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called papa ork who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called grace,she testified about how papa ork brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop papa ork e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give papa a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. papa ork is really a talented and gifted man and i will not to stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try the great papa ork today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here’s his contact: orkstarspell@gmail.com Thank you great ork.
    Contact him for the following:

    (1)If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3)You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4)You want women/men to run after you.
    (5)If you want a child.
    (6)You want to be rich.
    (7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8)If you need financial assistance.
    (9)Herbal care
    10)Help bringing people out of prison
    Contact him today on:
    orkstarspell@gmail.com you can also visit his website,
    http://www.orkstarspell.webs.com

  83. I’m all out of ideas for my personal situation as well and all.I know is everyone deserves peace in there life. I’m willing to make a sacrifice for that peace and im adopting to a relative and my brother for my umborn child.
    I feel like your mom100% of the.time when you need more you time and you can’t get it so you go.into.exscape mode. I hope you can find peace with your decision
    Roshar5777@gmail.com

  84. I have a similar problem i starting bto hate my daughter all she does is cry she wake up crying and go to sleep crying she cry cause she cant put her pants on right or if her sock don’t fit right she can’t keep up in school and refuse to do any homework. Im so tired i love her so much but it so hard for me i don’t have any body to talk to with them judging me i just want to give her up for adoption maybe there’s somebody you can help her cause i can’t I’ve tryed everything i even cut back on my hours at work so i can spend more time at home with her but that didn’t work either im having her tested for a learing disabilities there has got to something wrong with her i realyy at my wits end

  85. I’m sorry. No one can do this alone, 24/7. It wasn’t suppose to be this way. The father should help more. The kids need their father even if you think it might not be best. They hurt too. Where are the grandparents? They can be a great help. My daughter was a year old when I divorce, her dad didn’t help. He did pay child support. I had to work all kinds of hours, I’m so thankful her grandparents we’re there for me taking her at times. I hope it’s gotten easier and better for you since you wrote this post.

  86. I’m …holding back my tears not cuz I’m a man but because my 2 ur old is in bed with me with a fever and hasn’t stopped crying on and off throughout the night and I can’t be weak now…not yet..
    My 3.5 yr old has been in the dining room coloring…playing with play doh. .keeping herself busy…for about an hour this morning. But I gotta get up and make breakfast because it isn’t about us…but if it weren’t about us how could there be them in the first place? Priorities shift yeah but without proper care of ourselves how do we care for the you goings? ! I am so sorry for the pain we feel and my heart reaches out so deeply to ANON mom, her Kids must be around 10 now..I wonder how she’s doing. How might the kids be. Not just because of deep compassion but also for a spec of light for me at the end of this "tunnel" we’re in. I want to love my young wife in all this it’s so damn hard to keep batting away resentment day after day. Some days I let it in and then I’m stuck in a pit of resentment. Shes living with her mom, "dealing" wirh bi-polar and depression and recovering from my 4 yrs of emotional abuse to her. Or lack of care. We still have a shred of relationship..due to our kids. Mostly she keeps busy woth her 50yr old brother on a consistant basis. (My guess is it helps her mask her pain) but it pisses me the hell off to know shes more dedicated to her bro than our marriage..fine..our marriage i get it. But our kids…that one boils me. My advice is try to get informed on how to forgive others who hurt us. Allowing resentment and unforgiveness in our hearts is a life disabler!
    Anon, I’m praying for you, God knows who you are even if we don’t. Keep hope. Keep faith. Keep love. Reject the crap. sigh (Talking to another person older than 3 once in a while helps me)

  87. Hi everyone I know how you feel I have a 19yr old that moved with his dad when he was 15 I raised him n my 14yr old most of their lives except when I was with my husband now I’m getting so fed up with the way my son treats me my 19yr old n now my 14yr old is listening to his big brother saying things about me I’m trying so hard to keep it together but with all that’s going on my heart hurts everyday. My oldest keeps wanting my youngest to come to school where he lives for high school and I’m at the point where I’m like just go because I’m tired of dealing with all this I’ve been a Mom since 14 and yes I was young but I took care of my responsibilities as a mother lost my childhood n all I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like writing them both letters letting them know how they make me feel n how their hurting me and just leaving out of State maybe they’ll be happy than even though I have always been there for them, loved them, put a roof over there heads and been a support to both of them so do you guys think if I up an leave that makes me a bad Mom? I’m not happy with my life and I’m 33 not getting any younger idk what to do anymore

  88. I had to write to you, even though this post is four years old. This is me now. A seven year old daughter exactly the same. I have a nine year old boy too. I’m not single but I feel like I may as well be. Husband who does nothing but argue about every damn thing, does nothing because he doesn’t think he has to because he works full time and I don’t, yet criticises everything I do. I have no friends, I have social anxiety. It’s me and the kids and I’m going insane. I try and get the kids out there making friends, but it’s so hard, no one invites them anywhere. It’s school holidays and I am fast going round the bend. What did you do, are things any better?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *