Fathers Day Vent Here Safely

Today can be painful, annoying, hurtful, resentment-inducing, orjust plain disappointing. Put it all here safely. You know the deal: No
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A hug to everyone.

33 thoughts on “Fathers Day Vent Here Safely”

  1. Oh sigh. I just feel kinda sad that my siblings and I make ourselves celebrate two holidays a year with our father: Father’s Day/his birthday and a Christmas meal sometime around the holiday. And thats all we care to allow him in our lives due to his narsisicm and cold behavior. His ability to twist us and others in his complicated shemes and out of sync view of life is awful. Every year I feel like the oddball when FB and the Internet are filled with the love of fathers tomorrow and I can’t join in. And I feel crappy and alone when my dad doesn’t remember my birthday but pouts if we dare neglect his.So glad my boys are growing up with a man that loves them dearly will never forget the days they entered the world. So glad he is involved and delighted with them, it helps me deal with the lack of love I am given. What I would give to have a caring dad like him!

  2. Not really a BIG deal, but annoyed at my father’s inability to avoid buying himself things so that he doesn’t ever want/need anything at Father’s Day, birthdays, or Christmas. Also annoyed that my parents’ inability to properly raise my 24 year old sister has resulted in her being a naracisstic, self-centered adult 3 year old. This makes family events pretty crappy. Have sort of adopted my husband’s family as my own. And see them more even though they live 5 hours away and my own family is less than an hour away. Tough when you want your kids to have a relationship with your own family..

  3. I kind of hate Father’s Day. My parents divorced when I was a kid, and he was a summer dad, and he made me do all the work in our relationship, and I finally got fed up with it. Now we have a very superficial relationship, and he STILL doesn’t put any effort into it, including never calling, never visiting, forgetting birthdays, etc. (Case in point, he didn’t tell me when my grandmother passed away. I found out ON FACEBOOK. When I called, he said he didn’t want to “disrupt me.”)And yet. If I don’t get him a card or call him, I will get the biggest freaking guilt trip ever. I will get screamed at by his wife. It will suck. (And forget trying to improve the relationship, I’ve tried in the past, and it just…doesn’t work). So I buy the card, and I do the call, but man I just freaking dread it. I hate having to look through all the cards of loving fathers, fathers who were “always there for me” or “taught me so much.” Where’s the card for, “You’re my father, and you’re nice enough as long as I don’t expect a damn thing from you”? And that call. I dread that call, and pretending like either of us have the relationship we pretend we have. The minute it’s over is the minute I’m able to relax and enjoy celebrating my step-dad (who WAS there for me growing up) and my husband (who is an amazing father).

  4. This day is hard. My dad was kind of shitty to begin with, due to addiction issues and the fact that he never really wanted kids in the first place, and he died of a drug overdose when I was 15. So Father’s Day has never been any fun for me and I kind of hate it.And then my husband turned out to be an alcoholic too, and we had a really shitty first year as parents, and then he got sober and things gradually got a lot better. So now I have even more baggage around Father’s Day.
    But this year I put on my big girl panties and made a huge effort and surprised him with a new gas grill. But what with one thing and another it didn’t go quite right and my planned surprise ended up going off the rails, and I HATE it when my plans go off the rails especially when it comes to surprising people, but he was really thrilled so it was worth it. But then one thing after another went slightly wrong and we are both kind of grumpy and now he has a really bad attitude and it’s all a little ruined.
    Father’s Day is never, ever going to be a good day for me.

  5. My dad was an incredibly nasty paranoid mean jerk to me recently, and I’m stuck having to rebuild our relationship AGAIN. He has a couple of good excuses (his health is rapidly failing (his mental capacity with it), and my sister/his daughter just died unexpectedly, plus the last thing she’d said to him is NOT the last thing you want to have heard from your daughter before she dies).He let loose with financial paranoia directed at my mom about my sister’s estate (I am her executor), using a bunch of emotional sticks to beat me with (‘I won’t sign any legal papers unless your mom (multiple demands including paranoid ones entirely divorced from reality)…’ and ‘You KNOW when I get emotional I get really STUBBORN and this is REALLY EMOTIONAL…’).
    What I really want to say instead of Happy Father’s Day is ‘you were divorced forty-five f*cking years ago, mom Does. Not. see you as her nemesis, and hell, she never did. She wants you to be happy and have a good life, but you’re too ego-involved and get too many points from playing poor-pitiful-me to notice. Oh, and by the way, when your daughter/my sister named *me* executor, handling her estate became my sacred duty; you think I can’t take on anyone, including you *or* mom, in defense of her wishes? Think again. And thanks for so clearly under-estimating my intelligence, astuteness, discipline, integrity, devotion, and willpower. Want to call me ugly, too? I’m both tougher than you and more stubborn, so back the f*ck off. Plus, thanks for making this whole job immeasurably harder.’
    Instead, I will swallow all of that (except here, and to my siblings, to whom I tossed that challenge, and who have straightened him back out more gently than I would have, hence me handing that task off in the first place), because his health really IS fragile, and I do love him even though he can be a spectacular jerk (hence the ‘again’ on rebuilding the relationship), and he does actually work on stuff on himself so it’s not all on me. He’s just not going to be able to do much of that anymore. He knows I love him. We’re going over to visit next week, and while I will be glad to see him every time I see him in whatever time he has left, I am *still* not recovered from that conversation.

  6. I have a great dad. It’s my husband that I’m supposed to go all out for tomorrow and I’m just not into it. I know he can’t help it that he’s been a flake lately because he’s depressed, and I should feel more compassion but sometimes all I can feel is resentment. He blows up at me and the kids at the slightest provocation and they just don’t deserve that. It makes me feel so sad and alone, and I have no one to talk to about it.

  7. Feeling a a little sorry for my daughter and I today, that she doesn’t have a Dad in her life. Luckily though, we have my Dad, who is great, when he is around.

  8. Unrelated to Father’s Day, but needed to vent. SD announced tonight that she wishes daddy would live with mommy again and I can live with mommy’s SO. Such a kick in the gut. And I love my husband dearly but he will never understand how shitty it makes me fell. I know she doesn’t understand the impact of what she’s saying or how it affects me but it doesn’t make it hurt less.

  9. Father’s Day also happens to be our sixth anniversary this year. My husband is in another city having hangout time with two friends from high school. Which is fine and I signed off on it a while back. But I didn’t know he would be sick all last weekend such that I would have to do everything for two weekends in a row, especially when this past week I pulled two all-nighters for work. I have never screamed at my kids like I did today and I feel horrible about it. But why is it always me that is the default breadwinner/caretaker/housecleaner/meal preparer? I do it all and all I get is criticism for not dressing better and not having loftier intellectual ambitions.

  10. My dad was diagnosed with late-stage cancer two weeks ago; he may have only a few months to live. He wonderful and my role model and my hero and I have no idea how to tell him or how to let him go.

  11. It ticks me off that my kids are going to tell their Dad tomorrow what a great father he is, when the truth is that he is probably the shittiest father I know personally. Not only did he suggest aborting all of them, but he steals from them and denies them opportunities every chance he gets and it makes me crazy. And oooh, the things he says about them behind their backs are just vile. He doesn’t parent, he uses them as pawns to try and get back at me. And on top of it all, my eldest screamed at me the other night about not taking him shopping to get anything for his father, when my car wasn’t working and all he’d gotten me for mother’s day was excuses! I feel awful for them that they don’t have a real father that cares about THEM, and I feel even more awful that they don’t know it.

  12. I just don’t really like my dad. He is basically an overgrown toddler who pouts if he doesn’t get his way. My mom goes to extremes daily to make sure he doesn’t get bent out of shape about some tiny thing (i.e. how the dishwasher is loaded) and take out his annoyance on her.He was a good dad when I was younger and he is a good grandpa to my son, but as soon as I got old enough to have opinions of my own he lost control of himself. Nothing I do is pleasing to him, and he takes this to ridiculous levels.
    For example, for years he hassled me about not having a good enough job to make money to save for retirement. Now I have a good job and he hassles me because I work for the government and according to him all government workers are lazy and useless and stealing his tax dollars.
    To top it all off, we had to borrow some money from my parents recently and so I have to be extra nice to him all the time, while enduring questions about any tiny purchase I make (like a sippy cup for my son or a sun hat for myself) because he wants to know how I can afford to buy things when I needed to borrow money from them. Argh.
    My husband is a great dad, though. And I am thankful for that.

  13. What irks me about this and all the hallmark holidays is the one-upmanship. I’d prefer to keep this between me and my father, husband.

  14. I have only seen my dad once in the past ten years. He and my mother are both mentally ill, and have never seeked treatment.My father used to stand there and watch as my mom would abuse me, and then he told me, “better you than me”. After I moved out at 21, he called me and begged me to come back so that my mother would leave him alone and abuse me instead. I hung up on him.
    So, happy fracking Father’s Day you SOB. I hope you get all that you deserve.
    To anyone that is hurting today: I am with you and feel your pain. Xo

  15. I hate all the Facebook pictures of people hugging their dads. Even if their dads have been dead for years, at least their dads were a positive presence in these people’s lives. My dad hasn’t given a shit about me for 30 years.

  16. I want to hide half my facebook friends today. As if it weren’t enough that for the past month I’ve been flooded with your anniversary pictures and statements about how your soulmate has made the past 15-20 years of your lives heaven, today I get all of the “couldn’t ask for a better father for my kids” posts. Well, good for you. Go out and celebrate your great luck with him, and show him how much you love and appreciate him in person. And for those of us who weren’t nearly so fortunate, DON’T RUB IT IN!!!

  17. My dad had his faults like any other human being, but overall he was a great dad. Speaking as a dad, my only problem with father’s day this year is it’s the first one since my wife and I separated (August 2012), and my daughters won’t be spending it with me.My oldest (17) has a very good excuse. She is going to Buckeye Girls State, which starts today at noon. My soon to be ex-wife is taking her there, and is taking my youngest with her, instead of letting me spend some time with her today.
    We haven’t finished our dissolution yet, so I don’t have a court order to defend my rights to see my girls. Without that my soon to be ex limits my time with them to about 3-4 hours every other weekend, unless she has something planned, or has family coming into town.
    I wish I could spend more time with them. they are my pride and joy, but my soon to be ex keeps getting in the way. All that does is just remind me of why she is my soon to be ex.

  18. I’m so glad I’m not on FB.I thought Father’s Day didn’t bother me, and I’ve never paid much attention to it before, but it turns out that it is bothering me, on my own behalf and on my daughter’s.

  19. Wow, so glad to read these and know I’m not alone. Sorry for everyone’s pain. My father was an asshole narcissist alcoholic and my only sister followed right in his footsteps. I didn’t speak to either of them for 12 years after my grandmother (his mom) died and found out that he died 2 years ago and my sister didn’t even have the decency to let me know. ASSHOLES. And I hate father’s day because everyone gushes about how great their fathers were – i guarantee some of them weren’t and some people are in denial because some of my friends are pretty messed up when it comes to the men they have chosen in their lives…

  20. My parents couldn’t care less about father’s day and that’s fine, but I usually call home on a Sunday and I did today too. But my mother has Altzhiemer’s and a conversation with her is mostly pointless. I coudn’t talk to my Dad because she said he has some sort of infection or soemthing and can’t hear properly, so he couldn’t come to the phone. He’s getting more and more frail and is her sole carer and it’s pretty depressing becuase he was always a fit, healthy, strong man who hates sitting still. She’ll outlive him by a decade, probably. They have no internet connection and I live an ocean away and have no siblings. I’m just sad I couldn’t talk to him today.

  21. This isn’t a vent, though I’ve vented here plenty in the past. I feel like at 40 I am finally having a peaceful Father’s Day. After years of addiction, my dad is mostly ok. He has rebuilt several important bridges. He respects my boundaries (and there are many). I am able to put the past behind me. It took 20 years and counseling, but here it is. My own husband could care less about Father’s Day, but was happy enough to receive some adorable hand made cards from his kids and grill dinner for us tonight. The key to this feeling FOR ME was lowering my expectations. It is not easy and it takes real work and a shitload of compassion, but freedom from those feelings of failure and low worth is everything. Oh, and also not buyjng into Hollywood’s version of fatherhood. Parenthood, anyone? that show is downright painful to watch when you are part of a dysfunctioning family. I am thinking of you all.

  22. My father never was in my life until I was 26, but I had an amazing grandfather who took me under his wing and took care of me, even after already raising 6 kids. Had one of the SHITTIEST stepfathers, but eh, am grown now, no big deal, that’s what therapy is for.My vent is over my ex-husband. The kids love spending time with him, even though I left him due to abuse. My daughter scares me, or he scares me with my daughter. He never stops touching her. He is still showering with her, he carries her everywhere. She will be 5 in August. I cannot figure out if any abuse is going on, but I know he has strong father-daughter fantasies. He only dates VERY young women (I am 11 years younger than him, his 2nd ex wife, I am number 3, was 10 years younger than him) and I was his oldest at 21. He left me for a 19 year old when I was 27. When we ended up back together because I stupidly slept with him and got knocked up with said daughter, the week I told him it was over, he slept with my 18 year old cousin, in my house. He was actually feeling her up and being really obvious something was going on there, in front of my friends and neighbors. I told him it was over for other reasons, but that sealed the deal. So, father daughter fantasies, and I have talked to several people who know him, one who works at my daughters school, and they all say that they get a skeeved out reaction to him, and think that I really need to watch my daughter and make sure that she is ok, and not being abused.
    I have her in therapy, and I talk to her therapist tomorrow, and we are trying to figure out if there is abuse. The therapist says it sounds like there is, from what I tell her, but my daughter hasn’t had anything to say that proves it. I can’t do anything without proof right now. There is no taking the kids away from him without proof.
    I am so scared of the father of my children. He raped me. He raped his second ex wife, he raped the woman he dated right after I told him it was over. He doesn’t take no for an answer, and he has no problem using sex as a way to be violent against women. He beats the womans sense of self down so far when he is with her that she never thinks she is good enough, and when raped, thinks that the police will tell her that it wasn’t rape, that she deserved it, that screaming no and fighting was not proof that it was rape. Even if it happens the day after you tell your ex it is over.
    Yeah. I am scared.

  23. Well, holidays are the only days my dad actually answers the phone, except he hasn’t the 2x I’ve called him today. Ok then. I successfully hid the event from my kids, so they don’t have to deal with the exact same problem with their dad, the ignoring and not answering.

  24. My father in law us a great dad, and he died today after six years of suffering from Alzheimer’s. I want to post a sign that says “if you didn’t come visit him even once then you are not welcome at this funeral.”

  25. In a rocky period in our 14 yr marriage. Husband did nothing for me for MD – nothing. Now I have to pretend to care about FD. And he’s not a great day. So I can’t even post some sappy crap on FB and call it a day. Kids made cards, I even bought a gift. But I can’t help but resent that he did NOTHING for me for MD and now I need to pretend he’s great on FD. Yesterday was a bad bad bad day. I hope to be divorced by next year so I can really ignore the day (except for making sure the kids get a card for him).

  26. My Dad is totally awsome and I’m so grateful to have him in my life. I’m so sorry for those of you who don’t have a good relationship with your Dads or your children’s Dad. Maybe its not too late to change this? It would be awful to look back and see wasted opportunities when it’s too late. Some people are capable of change, but most men are incapable of admitting they were at fault. For those that care, maybe you should try one more time too bridge the gap.

  27. Why can’t Hallmark come up with a Father’s Day card that says “thanks for being a mediocre dad” or “thanks for coming to one event a year while I was growing up” maybe “thanks for being a drunk during my entire life”. Those I would buy. All the others out there saying “#1 Dad” and “worlds greatest”? Not my dad.

  28. @Kris, that is terrifying. I’m so sorry. I am fervently hoping that a solution emerges somehow before damage is done.

  29. I agree, I hope @Kris is able to figure out what’s going on for sure and get the court to take action if need be.I have a pretty shitty relationship with my own father, and my only sister (which doesn’t help). I hate these stupid hallmark holidays.

  30. Despite telling him it would be too dangerous with kids and pets in the yard, my father put out rat poison in his garden. Our dog (his grand daughters) is now dead because of this. I can hardly even look at him or speak to him and don’t know if I can ever find room to forgive him. He is truly sorry, but so pig headed that he couldn’t listen to start with. The kids don’t know what happened so I get to keep this lovely secret to myself.

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