Braindump for me and Primal Scream Thursday for you

Wow, I don't even know where to start. But here's a braindump:

1. I'm opening up a new workshop tomorrow with a collaborator that I love on a process that I adore and I'm super-beyond excited about it.

2. I'll have a vent post up for Father's Day (Fathers' Day) on Saturday at noon EDT running through Sunday, for anyone for whom this weekend is hard or irritating.

3. Drowning Doesn't Look Like Drowning. Our kids are all going to pools and lakes and the oceans in huge numbers and knowing what to look for could save someone's life. Please, please read this for the actual signs of drowning.

4. Julia from Mom Meet Mom is helping to put together help for Anon with the 6-year-old and twins from last week. You are all amazing for wanting to help, and I'll let you know what's happening when I know.

5. I'll be in the Twin Cities next week. Anyone want to do a meetup? I'm thinking Wednesday 4-7 pm (so people can come with kids after naptime or from work with or without kids) but we need a location. LMK if you're in (with or without kids) and if you have a location suggestion. I won't have my kids, fwiw.

6. The last week of school is grueling.

7. Too much work is way better than not enough work.

Now, Primal Scream Thursday for you. Release the hounds!

39 thoughts on “Braindump for me and Primal Scream Thursday for you”

  1. Oh boy, I’m first! Here is my primal squeak. Recently, my 12 year old cat was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and either lymphoma or IBD. We are treating the hyperT with meds. To get a definitive diagnosis on the cancer or IBD, we’d have to spend $2-3K on a surgical biopsy. And the treatment for both is pretty similar so we decided to not do the biopsy and start him on prednisone. He has responded beautifully to the prednisone, and has been on it, and weaning down for about 4 weeks now. Today, I came home and he threw up for the first time in several weeks. It’s not the end of the world yet, but it was just a reminder to me that whatever he has is not cured and will be coming back. I just don’t know when and how long it will take to get bad. I hate worrying about him and had been feeling so cautiously happy that he was feeling better. Until today. Now, I’m back to worrying.

  2. I’ve been sick for over a week, which is unusual for me, and I’m just exhausted and over it, trying to carry on with lots of commitments and work. My husband is making me insane with his uselessness on many fronts. The house is a disaster. I can’t drop my standards much lower. There’s way way too much uncertainty, the vast majority of which is totally outside of my control (like husband’s impending likely job loss combined with stunning levels of denial about how we should be preparing for it, or at least hedging our bets). But yes, too much work is better than not enough. Ah, the joys of freelancing/ entrepreneurship!

  3. My team got a requirement for a BLOCKING feature for a HUGE multi-program deployment that happens Sunday night on Tuesday morning. We are moving heaven and earth between an on-and off-shore team to get it done and my team found a BLOCKING issue in our staging (pre-prod) environment this afternoon. Now we get to deal with the fallout of missing the target becauset the business fucked up their requirements months ago.

  4. My kid just suddenly dropped his sleep needs. He now needs to fall asleep at 9pm but I NEED him out of my hair at 7.30. It’s not fair on him to expect him to entertain himself for an hour or more (he can’t read, yet) but I CAN”T be on duty until 9pm. I called the mortgage company about how we can’t make the payments, and guess what, long story but they can’t help us. It’s the birthday of my friend who died from leukaemia last year. We have to decide whether to wrap up our business and go and get jobs for ‘the man’, or keep going and hope work comes in before the bank forecloses on us.

  5. I finally decided to get treatment for my depression. I’ve called five providers and have been told by each one that they’re not accepting new patients. I’ll keep trying next week, but it really sucks to finally get it together enough to seek help only to get turned down.

  6. You’d think, after 7 years of freelance writing/editing, that I would finally have gotten this scheduling thing down. But NOPE. It’s always feast or famine. Argh.I assume you mean the Twin Cities of Mpls./St. Paul? If so, I’m here and would love to join a meetup. Next Wed. is a busy day for my kids (and me), but we could probably swing by the meetup sometime during the first half of that 4-7 window.

  7. Two-year-old son won’t sleep through the night due to (what we think is) nightmares. He’s up two or three times a night.Pain is still my unwanted companion, even though I’ve tried new treatments.
    I stress eat, so I’ve gained a crap-load of weight. I miss having one chin.
    I’m sick of being stuck in our condo, but I’m anxious when I leave it.
    (I’m so thankful to have this space to vent, btw.)

  8. Just exhausted – a 5 1/2 year old who was just diagnosis as ODD (in addition to his SPD and anxiety, which feed the ODD, nice to have something to call it, but we still really need to find someone to help us with it);A 3 year old who no longer wants to nap or go to bed and as a result is a tired, cranky mess and may have a UTI so is legitimately up a LOT because he needs to pee (or at least thinks he does – so sad);
    And an almost 4 month old who is either constantly spitting up or constipated (due to the tiny amount of rice cereal we’ve tired adding to her formula to help with the spitting up) – at least she sleeps well!
    Plus juggling a full time job, therapy for the oldest kiddo, need marriage counseling to deal with communication issues and lack of help from husband (its our 10th anniversary today and then father’s day – and I want to celebrate, but its really hard when you feel like your marriage sucks and he’s not doing much as a Dad)
    So thanks for this!

  9. Wait, there are other Twin Cities? Yes, I mean Minneapolis and St. Paul. Tine, since you’re the first responder, you get to pick a location, if you want.

  10. When I am in charge we will have Universal Nannies from 6-9 am and 6-9 pm every day. Nannies will be teenagers, who will be required to do a two-year shift in service (paid), so the program will double as a birth control promotion system.

  11. @julieI have often wished there were cards that said. “You are a dad and it is father’s day” or “we are married for ___ years today.” Because sometimes you can love’em and not like’em and that makes card buying difficult.
    I think the Father’s / Mother’s day cards would also work for complicated adult relationships.
    “You’re my mom. It is mother’s day. Here is a card.”

  12. I’m working on a big project almost entirely on my own. The client is super-micro-managy and its messing with my confidence. Upside is that my son is with his dad for 2 nights so I can drink copious amounts of wine when I’m done work.

  13. I’m with @sigh. I’ve got nothing left to give, but that doesn’t mean the work stops at work or home. I have to just keep going and pretend that I can. I have a new job, and with that plus everything at home, I say that my new job is just to let everyone down. So many requests and needs, not enough energy or time. So many things are good, so it seems like I shouldn’t feel this way, but somehow I’m not OK. Right now I just feel like a failure.

  14. I think the mirena I’ve had since 2010 is making me sick. I’ve started having chronic hives and a number of other autoimmune issues that seem to be tied directly to my cycle. I’ve tried talking to my OB and GP about it, but no one seems to think the mirena is to blame. I’m hoping to get somewhere with the allergist/immunologist they are sending me to on Monday. I just want it out, but the fact that I have to be on blood thinners complicates things.

  15. Well…if you have any ties whatsoever to Minnesota, there’s only one set of Twin Cities, of course. :)Hmm…location….
    The forecast for next Wed. looks nice. Summer took a really long time to arrive here, and if any of the other locals are like me, perhaps an outdoor spot might be appealing (and handy for those with kids in tow).
    How about Lake Harriet (, which has a groovy playground, an excellent concession (, and is just, well, lovely in so many ways? There’s even a 7:30 concert in the bandshell if anyone wanted to stick around for it.

  16. @Anna, if you read this, call your state attorney general’s office. They may be able to help you work with your bank or point you to a legal services organization that may help. Keep in touch with your bank while looking into those resources, though.

  17. My 6.5 year old and 3.5 year old have hit their wall with the new baby thing. They are So. Over. It. Just bring back Mommy the way she was, please. Honestly, I feel pretty much the same way; the newborn phase is not pleasant for me. Pretty much the whole first year is dumb, in my opinion. He’s cute, but I’m exhausted. Thankfully he sleeps better than they both did!But yeah, it’s been constant meltdowns and whining this week, and I’m so, so weary of it.
    Also, why do I birth such crappy nursers? They all have the tightest latch ever, to compensate for their tongue thrust. They have to bite down hard to keep my nipple in their mouth when the tongue starts trying to push it out. I am SO SORE.
    And then there’s the food elimination I have to do to keep them from screaming and breaking out in hives. This time it’s thankfully just dairy and gluten. That’s way more doable than #1, which was everything – and I mean everything. But I’m still craving cheese and yogurt like crazy. The breastfeeding hunger doesn’t mess around.

  18. Took my kid to the emergency room at the urging of an advice nurse, only to find out the ailment was nothing. We got the bill last week and it was outrageous. We have the money to pay it, but it makes me sick thinking of what else we could have done with that money.

  19. I might be pregnant – which would be awesome, but a few cycles ago I had a chemical pregancy, so I’m worried about a repeat. I took a home pregnancy test yesterday and had a faint positive, which is how the last one tested. And though things seem tenuous, I apparently can still stress about finding infant daycare and the difficulty I have with dropping off a 12-week-old at full time care.

  20. I am just tired. Other than that I cannot complain so much. I am now in full time employment as freelance and academic work was just not paying enough. Working for the man 9 to 6. It is not as bad as I thought although I miss my child dreadfully. I do not even have a picture in the office as it makes it worse. Ok must go wake her. (I am in Europe and it is 8 am). Sending love to all the ladies.

  21. @Anna – for the child who dropped his sleep needs. This happened recently with my four year old, and like you, I am done with parenting by about 8:00 (plus I have a baby that wakes up all night long so I really need a break before that starts up for the night). What we are doing is allowing her and her older brother (6.5 years old – they share a room) to “journal” before bed – sometimes for a long time. I bought them each a pretty, plain paper (unlined) journal and a set of colored pencils (do not use markers or crayons in bed!). They happily doodle and draw in their journals for quite a long time. They don’t use their journals at any other time but before bed. My oldest is now writing in his journal as well which is awesome. I also bought several different sets of these: which are great for quiet in-bed play.My primal screams: I am currently on leave from my job while I gear up to file a pregnancy discrimination lawsuit against my employer (and we really can’t make ends meet on one job so the anxiety of what is going to happen is crippling), one of my children is transgender and is suffering teasing because of it, and I have these stupid calcium deposits in my shoulder that continue to plague me. Oh and my 18 month old baby royally sucks at sleeping. But my freezer is stocked with ice cream, so it’s not all bad.

  22. I want out. I’m not in love anymore. It has been a gradual growing-apart. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling indifferent to my partner. I have no idea how to tell him this. And I worry too much about what kind of negative impact our separation might have on our child. That fear has kept me here too long. But I want to have sex again. I want another child. I want to share my life with someone who supports my dreams and ideas. I know what I should do but I’m too afraid.

  23. universal nannies, the mother’s compound, and monkey helpers – the future is bright!i’ve just come through a crappy patch, with 2 jobs for 2 months and the others who live in the house not adjusting to the fact that the housekeeping fairy had two paying jobs instead of none and they needed to get off their asses and the boy having a small bowel obstruction and spending a week in the hospital with a big abdominal surgery, but i’m on the other side & things are smoother at the moment.
    virtual hugs and hand holding with soothing little pats to those in their crappy patches currently.

  24. @mamamamamama – I feel your pain. I’m there. Almost 18 months ago I FINALLY spit out the words “I want a divorce” which took me 2 yrs to say. Yet I’m still here. No movement. Stuck. I still want out.

  25. Getting ready for vacation–which is great–but am the one moving the kids, husband, and mother, on that path, too. Sometimes I feel as though I’m the only one who can plan, keep track of details, or make decisions. Overseeing an elderly parent who still lives independently is hard, and it doesn’t have the forward movement of childcare. It’s more stressful for me than I have been realizing, and I need to find a different way to handle it. So tired . . . I’m burned out and I’m afraid the vacation won’t cure it.I’m wishing you all peace and a comforting beverage.

  26. Lake Harriet bandshell and playground sounds good to me. I will be there with kids in tow. As for dump….three years old is rough. Have to remind myself that I’m not raising a terrible child…that it is just a stage.

  27. I’ve been having similar “I want out” feelings as @mamamamamama. I cannot tell if they are a result of my severe depression and anxiety or if they are real. I am so angry and sad and barely-holding-it-together every day, and I am terrified of how it is affecting my extremely empathetic 2.5-yr-old daughter. Plus, when I’m in the depths of it, I don’t feel like I have the energy to do anything about it.As for the Twin Cities, I third the Lake Harriet Bandshell. Awesome new play ground, Bread and Pickle (yummy food), right on the lakeā€¦it is lovely.
    If another location is needed, Minnehaha Falls at Sea Salt Eatery is a great place, as well.

  28. I thought of Minnehaha/Sea Salt, too…they have wine & beer, and I’m all about that. :)But the playground there is older than me (and even more pathetic!). And I’m betting that it’ll be a mosquito bonanza in the PM under all those big oaks. The skeeters have been TERRIBLE lately. There’s always a nice breeze at Harriet. Thoughts?

  29. I’ll add another vote for Lake Harriet’s new playground.I’ll probably have my kids with me initially. I’m hoping my husband can pick them up on his way home from work around 5.

  30. Just wanted to thank you for #4!! That poor mama needs help and I so appreciate you going to bat for her!!!!!

  31. I’m going to try to come out on Wednesday, too. I was going to suggest the Bandshell. I will have at least one child with me, possibly (hopefully not) 3.

  32. New baby arrived a week ago. Tandem nursing was supposed to ease the transition for my almost-three year old, so I gritted it out for 9 months of pregnancy. And now, my daughter LOVES her baby sister – so much she’s likely to smother her – but can’t stand sharing her “nummies.” She actually tried to push the baby off my breast the other day under the guise of patting her head. Today, she tried to hit her – she was clearly testing because we were talking about how she could and couldn’t touch the baby, and she lifted her hand and looked at me for one long second before bringing her hand down (which I caught), but ugh. The worst part is I can just about read every thought in her head – I KNOW how she’s feeling, I completely understand how desperate she is not to lose my attention, and to get reassurance that nothing’s changed – i.e., she can nurse whenever she wants, which wasn’t even the case before the baby came, but tell that to her toddler brain. But understanding and being able to teach and correct the negative behavior are two different things.To make it all worse, my mom is here to help for a couple of weeks, which is great in almost all ways – except for the part two days post-partum where she got weepy because she’s “never” encountered a child with a “defiant” streak like my daughter’s, and why wouldn’t I try timeouts or Supernanny or some other punishing technique because clearly my gentle discipline techniques weren’t working (some of this was stated, some just implied). And of course, she never let her own children get away with such behaviors. I suspect she’s managed to selectively forget a vast quantity of battles she picked with my difficult older sister, whom she even admits to spanking too much, but of course I can’t say that. Fortunately, my daughter’s behavior (which WAS really erratic right after the baby came home) has calmed down. But it was a rough couple of days while I overcorrected trying to “prove” to my mom I could handle her, and my toddler had meltdown after meltdown because of all the things I wasn’t letting her do and I had meltdown after meltdown over how harsh I was being, but not knowing what the heck was left to try. The absolute worst was when my daughter started a fight with me over whether the light would be on or off while in the middle of a poop change (it needed to be on – I couldn’t see otherwise). How do you “discipline” a squirmy toddler covered in crap? I’m pretty stressed about what will happen when my husband, the Master Distractor, goes back to work next week.

  33. Sending virtual hugs to rbelle. It gets better. I’ve had two babies now, with a 3 year old older sibling (and this time also with the now-6 year old, who is still emotionally about 3 – particularly in the area of emotional regulation and impulse control). IT GETS BETTER.Her behavior has nothing to do with the quality of your parenting skills. It’s just a really really really hard transition for a kid. For the whole family, really. Be patient and loving with yourself. It gets better.

  34. Moving house. With a two-year-old. And a new job looming on the horizon. So much transition for everyone. So many boxes. So many to do lists with stuff not getting done. I’m even four days late to primal scream Thursday! Argggggghhhhh.

  35. I may not be able to join the group at Lake Harriet tomorrow….My kid is in the Mpls. Youth Chorus, and his Wed. performance has been moved up. I don’t know if I can get him from daycamp, fed, spiffed up in his tuxedo, and deposited downtown at 6:00 PLUS meet up with Moxie et al. before that. It’d be a stretch.
    I’m trying to think of a way to make this happen, but if I don’t get to Lk. Harriet…I’ll be there in spirit!

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