Mothers Day Vent Here Safely

Today can be painful, annoying, hurtful, resentment-inducing, or just plain disappointing. Put it all here safely. You know the deal: No Misery Poker. Everyone's pain is valid. If you have any extra to spare, support someone else.

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A hug to everyone.

65 thoughts on “Mothers Day Vent Here Safely”

  1. I’ll start. I wish all the soccer matches had been scheduled yesterday when I could have watched them, instead of today when I’ll be doing brunch with my family at a crowded restaurant where my kids have to behave.Now I’ve set the bar low, so release the hounds.

  2. Not related to mother’s day, but on Friday my husband basically accused me of ruining his life because I decided–over a year ago–that we shouldn’t have another child in order to better serve the children we have now…and for other reasons.He later apologized, but it’s good to know that the resentment still seethes! Yay! How many more years do I have to look forward to?

  3. I am having heart surgery tomorrow and I hate that I’m having thoughts like, What if this the last Morher’s Day I’m here? My dad died a few days before Father’s Day of a heart attack. I’m so anxious.

  4. We don’t really make a big thing of Mother’s day, and that’s fine with me. I have a birthday, which is the only day I expect to be treated royally, and this is really just a Hallmark holiday like Valentine’s Day – a day when people who don’t conform to the “norm” are made to feel lacking. And instead of being unable to get a table for two in the evening, you can’t get a table for brunch. I just think it’s all a bit overblown. (Also, my mother has Altzheimer’s and maybe I’m a bit pissed off about that. It’s not Mother’s Day today where she lives, though.)

  5. Today is Mother’s Day.I have two beautiful kids. I am also single as the result of a divorce from their father. Parenting is difficult for everyone. When done alone, it is especially difficult. What do I want today? I want my normal life back, when I can get up and not make breakfast, make beds, do laundry, feed anyone but myself, and have to pick up toys and clothes. I wanted to sleep in. I wanted someone to shuffle the kids out for five hours so I can do what I want, when I want, the way I want. I want to not be a mother on Mother’s Day. I’m tired of being responsible and having to make sure that their basic needs are met before mine. I want to be completely selfish today and other days.
    I don’t like Mother’s Day. It is as bad as Valentine’s day; a day when expressions of love are contrived. There is an expectation that today, I will be adorned and lavished with attention and care. Without a partner but with two relatively young kids, it simply won’t happen. So, I am tired of battling the judgment that people place on that (poor Kristen, nobody did anything for her for Mother’s Day). And even with a partner, would it matter and would I want it? No. Not really.
    I want the world to know that I am a remarkable woman and mother, even when I am sick and tired of being a mother and want to quit. And I want the world to know how remarkable I am so that there is no longer a day when others feel they need to prove it. That would be a gift for all mothers, and probably non-mothers. That we simply accept that we are perfect in the moment and we all stop looking for acceptance and approval.
    So that is a gift I can give only to myself. Without validation from anyone or anywhere, I know how good I am for my children and the world. And there is nothing that Hallmark can sell to match that.

  6. I’m babysitting for a pregnant friend who plans on making her pregnancy public today.If I hadn’t had my miscarriage, my baby would be around her baby’s age. Mine would have been turning a year old right around now.
    Today hurts.

  7. I always say I don’t care about holidays. No big deal, it’s all good.But I’m a liar. I don’t want a big to-do, but a fucking card would be nice. Or a “Happy Mother’s Day.”
    My husband is English and also a dick sometimes. He has said, “You’re not my mother” in relation to this holiday, and so I get no recognition at all. Just adds to what I already know, he doesn’t agree with how I’ve raised my daughter (his step-daughter), who he’s never bonded with.
    My daughter is a teenager now and going through a lot. She will likely write a FB note after she sees that I wrote to my Mom.
    I’ve never had breakfast in bed.
    I’ve never had a mother’s day brunch.
    I’ve never had a ‘normal’ life and most of the time that’s OK, but other times I really do feel like I’m missing out. This holiday and others like it are a recipe for disappointment.
    Signing anonymous even though M. will totally know who this is, even without my email.

  8. Ugh. On one hand love mothers day because I am sing celebrated by my kids and I think I am doing a reasonable job of mothering them. On the other hand I am estranged from my own very mentally I’ll mother whom I haven’t talked to in six months. Just a vague feeling of unease all day. Yuck.

  9. I traveled a long way to have Mother’s Day with my MIL, and the toddler wouldn’t sleep in the travel toddler bed and I got no sleep and have a headache and am with my MIL.Worst part – I offered to make the trip when we hadn’t planned to make it to be nice to my husband. Yeehaw!

  10. Happy Mother’s Day.I grew up with a mom who didn’t like today – party because she is an introvert and partly because of some painful family history.
    I feel guilty for today, my own family has been generous with me and resentful that my husband is leaving for a business trip tonight.

  11. Sending special hugs and understanding to you, dee. I was there many times for many years, and I’ll never celebrate this day without first remembering women in your shoes. I’d gladly make MD disappear forever if it would reverse what we have gone through and erase the pain that is there every day, made worse especially today. Peace to everyone needing it today.

  12. it’s mother’s day and i have two beautiful children so i’m basically excited for this day. problem is, my mother lives in town so she always DEMANDS we celebrate her as well even tho she has 3 other children, only one other of whom is a mom. i don’t mind celebrating with her, but she REFUSES to acknowledge me as a mother on this day – won’t even wish me a happy mother’s day – and instead swans around like she’s the only mother who ever lived. it always ruins it. i’m trying to get to a compassionate place where i just pity her for needing the mother’s day credit so much it blinds her, but since she is like that abt everything – her needs blind her ability to be compassionate in general – it’s tough. i’m thinking medication will help me thru : )

  13. I miss my mom today. And Dh completely sucks at special occasions. In 17 years I’ve never had a card or had him go out of his way in any way for a bday, anniversary, or Mother’s Day. Today is no exception. I’m blessed in so many ways and feel guilty and needy for getting upset over the fact that he is not doing anything, or worse, teaching our son to take the woman in his life for granted.A piece of advice for anyone struggling with the day – Stay off facebook today.

  14. I’m in the hospital getting treated for leukemia. I get out today, and I should be glad of that (released on mother’s day and all), but I’m just so anxious about everything, short term and long term. I’m so scared and sad.

  15. I am not a mother and have a difficult relationship with my mother, who had a difficult relationship with her mother. One of the reason I didn’t have kids was to end that cycle. Meanwhile, my husband had a beautiful, wonderful mother who died a few years ago. So all I have today is guilt and one awkward phone call to make.

  16. I’m the mother of a child with profound disabilities who will never understand Mother’s day, and the DH is awful with holidays. For Father’s day, I go out and get a card which I have the child write her name, but I have never gotten one on Mother’s Day. Ugh. Will stay far away from Facebook today.

  17. I will celebrate my mom today, but I just don’t feel like cekebrating myself as a mom. My child is very spirited, high needs and a terrible sleeper. These things make me feel like a massive failure.

  18. My mom informed me maybe 3 wks ago that she required me and my sis and our families to come and paint her dining room and pull up the carpet for Mother’s Day. I have had a couple things planned for months last night. Today when I called to wish her well, I recieved a cold reception from both parents. Lately I have gaining points on the worst daughter award because I am pretty much a single parent from my husband working out of town and I don’t live near my parents. I don’t have the time, $ or energy to drive everytime they are sick or have issues. Can I get a Mother’s Day?

  19. I’m not a fan of this holiday but feel obliged to celebrate it with lip service at least to appease the mothers in my life that do. We had to euthanize one of our cats yesterday and it was somewhat sudden and complicated. I’m just worn out with the sadness. Oh and I am losing my steady consulting job and my husband is losing his job in slow motion due to sequestration and I’m worried we are going to lose everything since he’s in a very narrow field as a career research scientist. I really just want to be in bed in the fetal position.

  20. I miss my mother. She died about 7 years ago. I thought about her all afternoon Wednesday while I helped a friend sew a dress to wear on Mother’s day. My mom taught me to sew and as she made my clothes she talked about what she was doing and why she cut each cut and pinned each pin. She was a gentle teacher by example.I wish I had appreciated her more while I had her. I am so glad she got to meet my current husband and love him, too.

  21. Ah Mother’s Day. How do you celebrate a day that has no meaning because your own mother left when you were 3 years old (to rub away with a dwarf wrestler no less – and no, I only wish that was the punch line to a bad joke).As an adult Mother’s Day has meant a day where I end up reflecting on all of my own failures as a parent and the ways in which I may be scarring my own daughter. While I know that I am here and present and do my way to give my daughter a good life, I can’t help but worry at the lack of motherly influence and example and how that affects the way I parent.
    In essence Mother’s Day – a day full of existential angst for me and a day I really don’t need.

  22. I now have no relationship with my mother (which is a good thing considering what things were like when she was in my life). Seeing all the displays of mother love today is difficult.

  23. It’s 9:00 a.m., and I’ve been up since 7:30 with our 4-year-old. My husband is still asleep. He told me yesterday, “I didn’t get you a card or plan anything special for Mother’s Day.” He did the same thing on Valentine’s Day and Easter and my birthday and basically every holiday– he’ll tell me the day before that he didn’t do anything special, like it should absolve him of any guilt if he warns me in advance not to have any expectations.I don’t expect Mother’s Day to be a big deal, but a card, or even just a handwritten note, or maybe letting ME sleep in for a change, would be nice. Just a little recognition for the fact that I do this full-time with no pay and no thanks from anybody.
    I’m feeling sad and unappreciated today.

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  25. I’m apparently having a pity party and maybe an anxiety overload today. Husband is currently working nights so I’m alone with my daughter today. Which is fine, but we basically have to leave the house all day bc you can’t exactly keep a 3 year old quiet and he needs to sleep. This morning, I was trying to get her ready to leave home and i started getting frustrated and found myself picking her up and sitting her firmly on the couch, telling her I shut up when she got upset, and eventually scaring her when she wouldn’t get in her car seat to the point where she was crying (harsh words, loudly closing the opposite car door). Shortly before that, I walked away from her twice because I knew I was forsaking out and ended up crying on the floor, completely overwhelmed. Yay Mother’s Day! Not. I brought her to church bc that would give her a place to play (and be away from me for an hour) and I figured I needed a little grace today of all days.So, now I’m sitting outside of church listening to the sermon on the overhead speakers trying to pull it together. I know I’m lucky. I know I have more than so many other people. I also know I have help and could call my MIL and she would take my daughter today, but the thought of “getting rid of her” today sounds worse than just being frustrated with her.
    Like I said, pity party. 100%.

  26. You and me both, anonymous; you and me both – how I wish this were MY first Mother’s Day as a mother, and instead, I’m coming to terms with the idea that I may just never get one of those. Plus I spent part of the last year caring for, losing, and then grieving the loss of my grandmother, in a complicated ‘nobody seems to realize i’m still grieving’ kind of way. I’m so glad this is here, and I’m thinking of all of you.

  27. At 41, the stark reality is that I may never be a mother. I love children, and had never imagined a future where at least 2 kids wouldn’t be a part of my world. Friends and family offer all kinds of advice, but it is very different to become a single mother because your partnership doesn’t work out, and deciding from the start to go it alone. If I was 35 now, then maybe there’d be a chance, but when I was actually 35, I still had hope that I would have a partner in parenthood…and so I “wasted time”.Today just depresses me because of lost possibilities.

  28. ooof, sending love and support to all of you struggling today. I was infertile for years and have a complicated relationship with my own mom, so even though I am having a nice day I remember the suck. And for those of you feeling like failed parents, give yourself a break. This is haaaarrrddd and I always tell myself that a bad day is just that, but parenting is about the long game. It’s easy to feel like the world’s worst mother, but chances are good you’re actually doing pretty awesome.

  29. 33, single, childless, considering freezing my eggs. Not financially stable enough to have kids on my own right now, but have wanted kids forever. Like, since I was 16. Would have been happy meeting someone in college, marrying at 23, having first kid at 25 like some friends did.I didn’t really mind Mother’s Day until the pharmacist wished me “Happy Mother’s Day” a few years ago on Mother’s Day, and now I sort of resent it. I’d been picking up birth control pills, anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety medications there for years, and never sent any sort of male to pick up my meds, nor did I send any female except for a roommate a few times years ago. She’s never seen me with kids.
    My mother never wanted anything for Mother’s Day–she always said something about how all she wanted was for us to all behave the other 364 days a year, so we mostly didn’t do anything for her. I am not planning on calling her, but maybe I should. My parents are sort of against all personal celebrations for some reason. (My family doesn’t really do birthdays, or didn’t until my siblings got married and their spouses were appalled by the total lack of personal celebration. The first and only time my parents ever took me out for dinner for my birthday was when I turned 33, at my brother-in-law’s instigation. He also bought me an ice cream cake–which I love!–for a different birthday, when he and my sister were dating.)

  30. My mother is only happy when I buy her things. She barely raised me as a kid, even though we lived in the same house.No hugs, no I love you.
    I hate her.

  31. The hardest part about feeling crappy on Mother’s Day is the guilt. I should be over the moon with happiness that I have two healthy boys who love me enough to make presents for me and tell me they love me. I am just tired of doing it on my own. I am exhausted and having a hard time finding joy today.

  32. I don’t like my mother. I think I’ve recovered somewhat from the longest adolescence ever — starting at age 7 when she first slapped me and continuing through the years after college even after our respective hormones had settled down — at least to the point where I can stand to have a conversation with her and staying at my parents’ place for a weekend doesn’t have nasty anxiety fallout… but I don’t really know how to deal with her. I rarely do more than the bare minimum of a card for Mothers’ Day. And that has my PO Box as a return address because I don’t feel comfortable having her know where I live. And I’m sick of explaining that (and WHY) to people who love their mothers, so I don’t mention it much anymore. And maybe I will be okay with it after the next move. But will it mean that I’ve established healthy boundaries, or that I’ve failed to protect myself and will blame myself when she knocks them right down? Again.

  33. My first mother’s day as a mother yesterday (I live in New Zealand, we’re a day ahead). Up at 4am with a sick baby. Baby only able to nap while physically on top of me or my partner. Baby’s cough sounding worse as the day progresses. Worried, I called the health advice line at 6pm, they say he needs to see a doctor TODAY. Eat dinner as fast as I can (including special Mother’s Day chocolate cake which I hardly tasted) because I was already tired and wanted to get to the after hours clinic and get that over with as soon as possible. Spent about 2.5 hrs at the after hours clinic (could have been a lot worse). In the waiting room, I kept trying to keep my baby from getting closer than necessary to the half dozen other babies with coughs and runny noses and weird rashes. And then I handed him to my partner and he let this toddler come up and lick my baby on the forehead, bleh! Home and in bed by 9:30 cuddled up with a sick baby who woke me up approximately once an hour with nasty worrisome cough. Not the idea first mother’s day as a mother. But as the mother of a baby, it also seems somehow completely appropriate. I’m sure some mothers had a much worse day than this. But I’m still exhausted and that still sucks.

  34. My mother passed away when was 11 and I was raised by an amazing father. I never had a step-mother or someone who was really like a mother to me. Dad has been everything. I still think about my mother every single day and emotions are a little more raw on Mother’s Day.I am now in my late 30s and single, with no kids. So, what BURNS ME UP is men (women never do it) who think it’s appropriate to wish me a happy mother’s day. Why would anyone say “Happy Mother’s Day” to a woman walking down the street alone? I want to be happy for the mothers out there, but this inconsiderate gesture has made me come to hate this holiday.

  35. Today has actually been decent, for the first time in a very long time. My mother died ten years ago and we had a very fraught relationship. My mother-in-law is nuts and tolerates me just enough to see her grandchildren. This year the in-laws are out of town, so we’re off the hook. My sons gave me the gifts they had made at school and behaved themselves through brunch at a fancy restaurant. Then I got a nap, the best gift of all.I remember those years that I desperately wanted to be a mother but wasn’t, the years I hated my own mother and everything she did to me, the years I had to pretend to like my MIL or watch my husband take her out to dinner and leave me home with a baby. My expectations are low, I just want a day with my family without any interference from the mean or the crazed.

  36. I’m having an okay Mother’s Day – really, it’s just like any other Sunday with laundry, cooking, parenting, etc., but with a card and gift first thing in the morning.I feel grateful to be a mother today, after going through two miscarriages, but I have a hard time not feeling guilty about it as well because I have some close friends who have had losses and haven’t been able to have a child yet. My heart breaks for them (and those here who are dealing with the same), thinking how hard this day must be for them.

  37. Love my mom and happy for my sisters and SIL who have children. But my stepchildren are unlikely to thank me today and we weren’t able to have any ourselves. But I did get an unexpected text from my niece which read “9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their AUNT.” She’s gone to the top of the inheritance list.

  38. Bad PMS that is making me very sad and anxious, and made about 1000% worse by the panic that my depression is back. And soooo overwhelmed by work. My family lives all the way across the country and I feel sad here with my little family of 3. I am always disappointed by our celebrations, even more so today because of aforementioned mental health concerns. I faked my way through lunch because I knew it was important to them, and then I took a nap. But still it feels like a really long day, one I just want to end.

  39. Listening to my 6 week old twins cry and cry and cry… And fail to take good naps. With my 3 yo crying in the background, as hes been horrible since the babies were born. Hoped the babies would get a little better at six weeks, and instead it’s gotten worse. And none of my singleton sleep tricks work (carrier, cosleep naps) because I need to tend to the other one. And I can’t just deal with short naps because they don’t overlap, and eventually I have to eat. And i need sunshine but barely get outside since leaving the house alwats makes things worse. So I’m thoroughly hating this phase, which I loved so much with my first, and feeling horrible for leaving them to cry for hours a day – despite knowing I have no choice… Only have 2 hands. Yea, so I’m blessed to have 3 healthy kids ands a husband who’s trying to make it a good day, but I mostly want to crawl into a hole and cry.

  40. I had a rough start to my day and was feeling sorry for myself and why don’t I get to rest and I’m so tired and blah, blah, blah. And yelled at my kids for fighting and then was hating myself. But you know what? I’m incredibly lucky and so blessed to have three amazing children. Yes, it’s tough and rarely easy, but I love them so much, and I KNOW it’s worth it, and I strive to be the mom I want to be. Also have a great husband, even though he has to work today (part of my pity party) and have a wonderful mother myself. I started feeling like Mother’s Day just makes us feel like things should be easier and about us, even though, with young kids, it just isn’t. I actually was hating Mother’s Day all morning for even existing when it could just be a regular old day (which it is anyway!) without expectations. But life is good! It really is! I need to find joy more and count my blessings, which are so many.

  41. Well we all survived and next year will hopefully even be good. Love , hugs and healing to all of you magnificent woman and mothers out there.

  42. I like Mother’s Day as an opportunity to remember all the blood, sweat, tears, and love that moms put into a job that doesn’t pay and often goes forgotten, underappreciated, or unsung. But I don’t like the way Mother’s Day seems to become the catch-all, as if people who aren’t enjoying being mothers today, or right now, somehow negate the rest of the year/their lives. Or the way that motherhood on this one day can get phrased as the end-all and be-all as a way of making up for the other 364 days we fail to thank moms, such that all the people who didn’t have a good relationship with their moms, aren’t moms, or haven’t been able to be, somehow feel deprecated. It’s so all-or-nothing.My husband is not a gift-giver and we’re low on funds anyway, so I didn’t expect much today except something small that I remembered for myself. But he did give me the best gift at all, which was taking my crazy kids off somewhere so I could just be myself today and do some art. I’m not gonna feel bad about it at all. I’m an introvert and one of my favorite things in the world is when everyone leaves the goddamn house and lets me chill out on my own for a while. So there!
    I love my kids and I’m so glad I’m a mom, but it doesn’t do any of us a service to feel obligated on this one day to feel nothing but good about momhood.
    To everyone who is having a tough time right now, who didn’t get along with their moms, who has struggled with primary or secondary infertility, I am so sorry. Sending you love and hugs regardless of your relationship with motherhood.

  43. Both husband and I overtired. And I am sick of talking about my anxiety and anger issues and resentful of my own mom/life circs for “causing” them. But have to talk about it all the fucking time b/c I lose my temper all the time. Want to be healthy but sick and broken instead.Lovely day, kids great, husband attentive but strained and stressed b/c of both of our MD expectations of him and his own exhaustion with dealing with me and overwork. Day interspersed with both husband and I totally freaking out (v. briefly) and now I feel crappy about our life and like I’ll never be ok but maybe I will.
    And now I have to leave the house and go fulfill another “save the world” style commitment which drains my energy but I feel a duty to do and I probably should say no to things but maybe I shouldn’t I don’t know…

  44. Glad today is almost over. It’s not like it was terrible, it just wasn’t special–and since it’s Mother’s Day, “not special” = terrible. I have lots of responsibilities at church (technically volunteer but I don’t have the gumption to say no, knowing that there’s no one else to do them). Husband is not religious and is always telling me to quit going to church, but I go alone every week (with our son). Came home tired after church, husband was grumpy, I was grumpy. He did make dinner, although that’s not unusual. Baby’s in bed crying because he’s in some sleep regression and has forgotten how to fall asleep and stay asleep. I just want to sit on the couch and watch Mad Men and then go to bed. I know they’ll ask me at work tomorrow how my mother’s day was…trying to decide if it’s easier to just lie and say my husband bought me flowers.

  45. “This is for all the mothers who didn’t win Mother of the Year.All the runners-up and all the wannabes. The mothers too tired to enter or too busy to care.
    This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with a sick toddler in their arms, wiping up vomit laced with two minute noodles and cherry Kool-Aid saying, “It’s okay honey, Mummy’s here.”
    This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see, and the mothers who took these babies and made them homes.
    For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes, and all the mothers who don’t.
    What makes a good mother anyway?
    Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner and sew a button on a shirt all at the same time?
    Or is it heart?
    Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?
    The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 a.m., to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
    The need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a school shooting, a fire, a car accident, a baby dying? – I think so.
    So this is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to, but just couldn’t.
    This is for reading “Goodnight Moon” twice a night for a year. And then reading it again just one more time.
    This is for all the mothers who mess up. Who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair and stomp their feet like a tired two-year-old who wants ice-cream before dinner.
    This is for all the mothers who taught their daughters to tie their shoelaces before they started school, and for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.
    For all the mothers who lock themselves in the bathroom when babies keep crying and won’t stop.
    This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
    This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls “mommy” in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home.
    This is for mothers who put flowers and teddy bears on their childrens’ graves. This is for mothers, whose children have gone astray, who can’t find the words to reach them.
    This is for all the mothers who sent their sons to school with stomach aches, assuring them they’d be just FINE once they got there, only to get a call from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up…right away.
    This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation.
    And mature mothers learning to let go.
    For working mothers and stay-at-home-mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without.
    This is for all of you.
    Hang in there.”

  46. I feel like my vent is probably exactly the same as last year’s – that Mother’s Day around here always comes with the stress of getting together with my husband’s family. My husband really works to show his appreciation (always, but also on this day) whether it’s in a big or small way, and I’ve managed to help alleviate some of the stress by acknowledging that it will likely be many years, if ever, before I actually get a day to do just what *I* want. But man, Saturday night was awful with my toddler and I had a complete meltdown over bedtime issues, and Sunday morning did not find me feeling much better. I spent half the day feeling like I was failing as a mother because my 2.75 year old won’t do a thing I ask her to. Every single thing has become, if not a battle, then at least full of passive resistance. She is amazing, and adorable, and I love her to pieces, but I’m 8 months pregnant and I just don’t have the energy to deal with any of it. I spent a lot of time sighing and cursing under my breath because why can’t she just do one thing I ask when I ask it? That would have been the best MD present.

  47. I know Moxie says you’re all the best mothers for your children. And you are. Because you are trying to be and that makes you. But I don’t think any of you would consider giving a newborn to an 8-year-old to raise. (Not, mother’s little helper, no. This baby is your responsibility.)Today I called my big sister “Mom” for the first time and she called me “Daughter.” And it made more sense than any Mothers Day ever. Because she was my mother for all intents and purposes.
    I hate Mother’s Day because I’ve never been able to embrace the goopy sentiment over my resentment of a woman who was depressed (yes, I know that its an illness, but a 5-year-old doesn’t) and addicted (and yes, I know that its a disease, but when you’re 11 and are subject to repeated sexual abuse because your mother who should protect you is asleep on the couch pretty much all day and leaves you prey to neighborhood teens, you really don’t care why). My real heart mother left for college when I was 10 and left me floating in a very unsafe place, but she was my sister and deserved a life of her choosing. She didn’t know until she was 60 what had happened to me when she left.
    I have a wonderful life. But it came after years of therapy. And I will never know what any of your love would have been for child me.
    So if you’re depressed, seek therapy by whatever means is at hand. If you have a drug or alcohol problem, do whatever it takes to get well. Not only for yourself (which should be the most important reason), but for your kids.

  48. Too many years wanting a child left me disliking Mother’s Day. Now I’m 44 with a lovely girl, so I had a good day. I’m lucky. Love to all you having a harder time.

  49. I hated Mother’s Day when I was struggling with infertility, and though I am now lucky and blessed to have 2 children, I’m still not a fan of the holiday as it highlights the fissures in my relationship with my own mother (who is alive but fairly remote).For Mother’s Day, I asked to go out to dinner with my family to my favorite local Mexican joint–a treat for me as my kids are not particularly adventurous eaters and I knew it would be challenging for them to find something to eat there (but I also knew I planned to thank them with chocolate churros). As an added bonus, my husband took the kids for an outing in the afternoon so I had some downtime, but the day got away from them and by the time they came to pick me up for dinner it was late and everyone was cranky and when we got to the restaurant, there was a long line that I didn’t think the kids could handle.
    I know it’s small and petty, but I’m irritated that I didn’t get to do the one thing I said I wanted to do for Mother’s Day.

  50. Ah Mothers Day as a divorced mom…who will organise the kids to do something nice for Mom?…no-one, unless its me, and that would have been weird. so it was a day as usual, although my lovely kids (9 and 12) did mow our giant lawn without complaining when asked and tried very hard not to bicker all day and told me Happy Mother Day. I am grateful for that, and for them, and for my own lovely mom.I just wish it didnt bother me that my ex-husband (with whom I’m on decent terms) didn’t say happy mothers day, or tell me I’m a good mom to our kids when we spoke. But it does, still, so so much. I know I’m a good mom, just wish he did too. or that it didn’t matter what he thought.
    (My lovely boyfriend texted his ex what a great mom he thought she was and sent the kids over to take her out for lunch with his debit card and they aren’t really on decent terms…now that’s a good man)

  51. Yesterday is lingering with me. My nephew’s birthday party was yesterday and the family was celebrating mother’s day as well. It was out of town and couldn’t bring my 2 yr old because he came down with a cold… my husband stayed home with him so I could go. Wish I could have gotten away with staying home too.My mother is the most selfish person I know. Doesn’t ask me how the kid is, what he’s up to. Doesn’t call him, doesn’t see him. Ever. No interest whatsoever. All she cares about is herself. I know I need to step back and say the serenity prayer but it just breaks my heart. And to top it off, I visited my grandma’s grave (she’s been gone almost 2 years now) and there is no name plate on the stone. My mother was supposed to take care of this. She was the executor and beneficiary for fucks sake. My sister asked her to take care of this over a year ago. a year of excuses. Oh, the rage I feel right now.

  52. Resentment resentment resentment. I set the bar so low for MD and he managed to climb under the bar. I don’t need much – just “something” and the something never came. Just another day in my book.

  53. Our LO is 14 months, so DH did the card/gift thing for me…and it was an actual gift that I’d like instead of macaroni glued to construction paper, which I will also like, but in a different way. :)But.
    My relationship with my mother is…strained. Tricky. Unfulfilling. Frustrating. Because of a chronic pain condition she is not the mother I grew up with. That person was fantastic. The mother I have now…not as much. I struggled even thinking of something to write in her card because she’s *not* the world’s greatest mom and she’s no longer my role model for motherhood.
    It’s like I’m grieving for losing my mother even though I haven’t actually lost her. I’ve lost the person she was, which would be hard enough, but I’ve also gained the person she’s become, which is not especially awesome.

  54. I loved Anne Lamott’s “Why I Hate Mother’s Day” post.I miss my mother, who died 11 years ago, before my kids were born.
    I hate feeling like I am failing to live up to the societal expectations of “good mothering” because I am a crappy and ungracious cook, a lousy housekeeper, and completely disinterested in the Legos and superheroes that my kids are all over right now.
    (Yes, I look hard and often find common ground with my kids. But something about the holiday makes me feel like a fraud. And my continued misery at not having my mother to celebrate with makes it hard to enjoy.)
    All that said…this was probably the best one yet. It was low key but sweet. We had brunch with my in-laws and my kids played with cousins all day and I got to be mostly alone (they are all welcoming but also very tightly knit with each other and as the only daughter in law, I will always be an outsider). I got poems from the kids and a hanging basket for the front door that makes me smile every time I come in.
    That all makes me feel crappy about myself for hating the holiday. But I am hoping I am turning a corner and coming to peace with it. Wishing the same for all of you.

  55. A little late to the party, but while my husband and kids did get me flowers and cards, I had this feeling all day that all the “extra” stuff he was doing (laundry, children wrangling), was really only because it was Mother’s Day and not because he should be doing that stuff each day. Everything went back to “normal” Monday. Goody. I couldn’t really articulate what I did want beyond time away from the very people that made me a mother. Is that wrong?Meanwhile, we sent my mother a gift out of obligation because she expects something. The longer I am a mother, the more I realize what a terrible mother she was, and what a terrible grandmother she is, yet I have no easy way to not have to deal with her beyond living really far away and seeing her 1-2 times a year.

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