Vent here safely

If you're feeling sad/angry/resentful/overlooked, post it here. If you're here, post something to support someone else. No Misery Poker–everyone's pain is real. If you need to post anonymously, put in a fake URL (we tend to like for these occasions).

72 thoughts on “Vent here safely”

  1. My husband is being an ass. He did nothing to help me prepare for Easter. He did not thank me for staying up late making baskets, getting up in the wee hours to hide eggs, or generally preparing the festivities (not that I need “thanking”, but if you aren’t going to lift a finger an acknowledgment that I did a good job would be nice). He hates my parents so is not joining us for Easter lunch, but then bitched that we (kids and I) spend every holiday with my parents (which is not true but when I suggested we invite his dad and step mom to include some of his family he said no). So, he’s pouting in his man cave. Every holiday goes something like this and when I try to draw him about how we can do it differently so he feels more included he just blows it off. Aaaargh. It makes me want to scream. A few days from now I’ll get the “I want to be a better father/husband lament” but nothing will change. It’s maddening.And that is my sad/angry/resentful lament for today.

  2. I am really hating this pregnancy. It was a horrible emotional roller coaster for the first two trimesters, and once I worked through all that I now have developed carpal tunnel so badly that even typing this is turning my hands into blocks of numbness. My feet are so swollen that it’s painful to walk (but my swelling is still “within the range of normal”), and nothing is helping reduce it.I’m also so not into Easter this year. Trying not to feel guilty about the lack of eggs and candy for the big kids, or even being Jesusy about it around here. I just want to hide and be miserable until this baby is born, and then hide in bed with the baby for a month.
    Thanks for holding space, Moxie.

  3. Oh, hey, a-non! We must be married to similar guys! Mine effectively ruins most holidays, and today is no different! It is a feat of will most days to muster up any positive feeling for him, but his behavior on holidays makes it much, much harder. I hate what he’s teaching/showing our kids, but he thinks a functional extended family relationship is what’s weird, not this weird isolationist thing he wants to impose. Infuriating. Frustrating. Heartbreaking.

  4. I miss my family and religion. I live very far away from them, but still love them dearly. I’m sad on days like these when they all get together and I’m stuck in a tiny house with just my mini-starter family: hubby, the kid and me. And I’m sad being an atheist; I miss all the tradition and community, but I can’t join in because I’ve faced the stark reality of truth (finally, after years of being agnostic). It’s a lonely place where you love all the hymns but have no reason to sing them. I do anyways (on my own) but it’s not the same.

  5. Baby got my husband’d disgusting cold, basically because he is too dense to wash his hands after blowing his nose (fucking ew). He says his hands get too dry. I’m sure, but I also heard there is this thing called LOTION which may help you there. Poor little dude is so stuffy he’s having a hard time breathing through his nose enough to nurse, which of course makes naptimes and bedtime LOADS of fun. Hoping he won’t further piss me off (I admit I am ripe for it) when we get to my parents’ house. At least there will be wine.

  6. I’m worried about my kids’ health and wishing parenthood were simpler and I was more on top of things. Peasy, nearly 6, has a rare bone disease that causes chronic pain and often requires multiple surgeries. She also has some mental health issues (ADHD, anxiety, possibly bipolar). Most days, she’s mostly ok on both physical and emotional fronts, but I’m getting some glimpses of what could be a rough road for her and for us and I’m just sad and scared and wishing that we didn’t have to go through this. I also have an almost-1-year old who’s very sweet but a crappy sleeper, and a full time job, so I’m tired all the time. My kids are loved (and know it), fed, bathed (semi-regularly), sleeping (sorta), and getting to school and doctors as needed. But I’m always behind at work and stuff like bills and cleaning get done far too irregularly. The idea of staying on top of regular chores for my daughter, sports, cultural enrichment, or any of the more complex moral development makes me want to weep. I just don’t have time/ headspace for that stuff right now.

  7. My positive thoughts and prayers to all who are hurting today. For all whose kids are ill or challenged in some manner, may you find the strength to cope; we never hurt as much as we do when our children are hurting. For those in partner relationships that are out of sync, may you find balance. Special positive energy to A-nonny; I hope that you can find the same kind of tradition and community that you are missing in another manner.Easter blessings to all (even those who do not believe.)

  8. I am home w the kids, day 502 in the basement, my husband who will not agree to separation is out with his mistress. And I still can’t figure a way out because he controls so much.

  9. My husband stayed up until two am two nights in a row playing video games and then acts put out if I ask him to help with the baby so I could have a break. Because he needs to nap, you see. Because he’s tired and needs “downtime” because he works and I’m on mat leave. I will be back at work in a few months and he’ll be on leave and I am fighting to not just act exactly the way he acts when I have the opportunity. I can just not imagine myself leaving him with the baby all week and all weekend while I nap and play games. Plus, I suspect he’ll still expect that I clean the house like I do now, even when I’m back at work. Argh. I honestly like it better on days when he’s at work because at least then I’m not wondering if I’ll be able to convince him to take the baby so I can read a book or watch TV or go for a run or something.

  10. We live all the way across the country from every single relative we have on either side. The holidays vary in degrees of difficulty. Some don’t even bother me at all, but today has just been hard.My general coping strategy is to lower my expectations, and honestly for Easter I would rather just pretend it didn’t exist at all. But my husband is always all big on making every holiday special, which my MIL thinks is so sweet, whereas I just hear “What are you going to bend over backward to do so I’m not disappointed?” And then he makes some comment about how, say, the restaurant we’re going to is really lame for Easter, and I take it personally, and I just don’t know why he didn’t get on the phone and make a reservation somewhere else if it was so important to him. He’s been in an inexplicably grouchy mood for a few days now, and I always take it personally. Now he and our son (also whiny) are at Home Depot running typical Sunday errands, and I’m sitting at home crying.
    I saw another family down the street with a line of cars in front of their house, and a younger man helping an elderly relative out of her car, and they were all carrying casseroles, and it just gutted me.

  11. To A Nonny (at 1:44), I am an atheist as well so I have some of the same issues with Christian holidays. One of my Jewish friends and I went out for dim sum today and we’ve decided to make it our annual “Easter” celebration. Just something you may want to consider for next year.

  12. My step-FIL sat us all down as soon as we finished Easter dinner and berated us all about some comment someone made three years ago that he’s still angry about, then made us hold hands so he could pray to be able to forgive us. And then my MIL couldn’t stop crying from the mortification and she won’t stand up to him even though he’s emotionally abusive. 🙁

  13. I’m really barely holding it together right now with a 3 year old, 4.5 month old and we just moved into a new house – the second one in 9 months. I want to enjoy this part of my kids’ lives, but dear Lord they are DRIVING ME BATSHIT INSANE. Hubby is also super stressed and I think it’s affecting his ability to be a caring parent to our 3 year old. But I have no idea how to even begin to have this conversation with him.

  14. I’d actually like to be seeing my relatives today. We live an ocean away from our families, and when I called home to wish my mother a happy Easter she didn’t even know it was, because she has Alzheimers and we have the same tedious conversation every week. My Dad doesn’t like to talk on the phone. So we just have another boring and slightly depressing Sunday, just like ever week.

  15. I’m a single mom, got fired from my job, my last day will be on the 12th. Can’t tell my parents because they will get all stressed out, and I don’t feel like dealing with that. I have a job interview next week, keeping my fingers crossed. I feel like I’m in this totally alone because I can’t talk to anyone about it.

  16. You know what? We’re okay. I wish I could have made it to church; I wish my baby would sleep; I wish people would stop chewing on my nipples; I wish the older would have enjoyed the egg hunt her father and I set up instead of screaming about the younger also wanting to participate; I wish I wish I wish etc.But we’re doing okay. We’re healthy and I’m only slightly insane. These feelings of okay-ness are still rare, so I feel compelled to share. We’re okay. We’re okay.

  17. Really struggling with emotional attachment in my very new marriage. Husband is very nice and patient but it just kills me I can’t give him what he wants right now.Sending positive vibes to/praying for everyone who has posted here. We’re in this together.

  18. Son’s best friend has large tumor in chest. Biopsy results Tuesday.Friend does best when not given too much info (anxiety). Son does best when given tons and tons of info + time to talk it out. So we have told son nothing yet about what’s going on with friend. We’re going over there tomorrow for all-day playdate/giving friend’s parents some support and/or space as needed.
    I’m just praying a lot (or my version of it – compassion meditation). And listening. And making them soup. And rehearsing for eventual conversation with son. Sigh.

  19. (to clarify: not giving info to son because he would then be likely to interrogate friend before friend ready to talk. May try to have metaconversation about differing needs beforehand, but my gut says wait until situation more of a known quantity, or until he asks [on the way home tomorrow]).

  20. Hugs and love to all who are pissed or hurting.To stuffy-nosed baby mam: squirt some breast milk up baby’s nose! I tried it for the first time last month, i swear it works better than a humidifier! And spray hubby with Lysol (preferably in the face) when he decides to be disgusting. Or just start showing episodes of cartoons that talk about germs whenever he is around. 😉

  21. Even though my husband is a great husband, last year I fell in love with someone online. I can’t get him off my mind. He lives really far away so it can never get physical, but it totally has ruined my year. I will never get that time back. As of mid-Jan, this person and I do not talk. Turns out he suffers from severe mental illness (anxiety, perhaps bi-polar or worse – dissociative disorder) and our situation overwhelmed him. He even blocked me on FB which has sent me into a deep depression and I have had to seek therapy. This person offers me no future in real life except for misery. He is miserable himself. My husband is excellent and we have a great life. Why can’t I be happy with what I have and forget this person?

  22. Like many, I struggle with my husband. I have a best friend who has children similar in ages to mine, and our/my life is So. Much. Easier. when we’re together. Neither of us are lesbian, but we both appreciate the unspoken understanding that shit just needs to get done. Without asking, reminding, bargaining, etc. When we’re together the teamwork ensures it gets done. Is it tiring? Yes. But sadly, so, so much more redeeming than our respective time with our husbands. Who just don’t get it, at all.This makes me sad. Honestly, it’d be easier if I was in love with her. As it is now, nothing’s going to change, we just will enjoy our time together and suffer through our time with our husbands.

  23. I am so frustrated and ready to give up. I have a chronic disease, and severe pain that comes with it. The only thing that even touches the pain is heavy-duty pain pills.My two-year-old has never seen me act “normally”, and that breaks my heart. The house is a pig sty, and I hardly cook. I try to tell everyone that everything’s okay, but its not.
    I just want to be a good, normal Mom, and wife-but I pretty much suck. They deserve better.

  24. Thanks, Jess – that is a good idea. I always forget to try breast milk on all the things it’s supposed to be good for.Sending some hope for improvements and healing to everyone here needing it. Thanks for the thread, Moxie.

  25. I’ve been seeing a lot of friends posting ultrasounds on FB and announcing pregnancies. Seeing the ultrasounds makes me semi-regret telling my husband, family, and friends that we’re one-and-done. I would like to give my child a brother or sister because sibling bonds are unique and strong. But, I’m at a really unhealthy weight (at least 40 pounds heavier than I should be). Getting pregnant would do nothing but complicate it. I don’t like the idea that I would be gestational diabetes-bound and bed rest-bound. So to fix that, I’ve been trying to workout and make healthy choices. However, my results are so slow that I end up sabotaging myself later. If I ever do finally get to a good weight, I’ll probably be too old to conceive again (I’ll be 34 this year)… and let’s not forget about high risk pregnancies after 35. At this point, I’ll just have to suck it up. But in the meantime, it makes me kinda sad.

  26. Lots of hugs to everyone today.My marriage sucks right now. I’m 11 weeks pregnant and have been feeling so tired and sick the whole time. This mean I’m not able to do as much round the house or with our son, and husband has to pick up the slack. Usually, things are 50/50, but because he’s doing more these days, there’s a. Lot of resentment in my direction. We are barely talking and we aren’t sleeping in the same bed due to my sickness and his very bad back (he tosses and turns a lot, waking me up a lot), so I feel very disconnected right now.
    Thanks for letting me vent – no where else to talk about this.

  27. My partner and I had been together 14 years before we had our first child. I thought I had been clear that I didn’t want to have a family with a partner who wasn’t willing to share half the load. Turns out he only agreed with me in theory. My son is 11 months old and I am leaving it another year before deciding if I will try for another child with my partner. I’ve told him he needs to think hard about how he wants our relationship to be in the future. This time next year I’ll be deciding whether to stay or go. It makes me sad that I am fantasizing about life as a single mum. As things are I can’t be true to myself and I am sure I will be a better mum alone than if things continue as they are.

  28. Period pain. Mother and sister in law and hyper nephew arrive to visit tomorrow. Wish it was my family instead of my husband’s, I miss them! Thanks Moxie for helping lighten the load!

  29. Feeling intensely grateful that, comparatively (both with my past and with what others are suffering here) things are pretty okay right now. I’m 28 weeks pregnant this week, and while I’m growing more uncomfortable, I seem to be holding out okay. I can work (slowly, and absentmindedly, but at least I’m present!) and my intense fears of miscarriage are behind me. My husband has been incredibly hard working and helpful, albeit sometimes emotionally distant, through the pregnancy. I’ve often been too tired to do pretty much anything but dress, eat, bathe, and follow a robot-like path to and from work, and he picks up the slack.At holiday time, the hardest thing for me is continuing estrangement from my nephews. Since my brother’s death nearly four years ago, my bipolar/BPD SIL has been erratic and unstable, sometimes demanding my presence, other times not talking to me for weeks and months at a time, leaving me cut off from the boys. This past year, I’ve finally forced myself to detach a bit more, to get off her roller coaster, as the emotional whiplash was really hurting my physical and emotional health. I didn’t even call them yesterday, which fills me with guilt, but I just can’t take the intensity of pain and drama involved in close communication with her as the gatekeeper to them.
    Thanking Moxie for this space, and wishing all of you peace.

  30. My MIL lavished attention on my oldest when she was young. She basically ignored my second one. My sister in law had a baby and the kid is more spoiled than mine was. My husband walked by the playroom and caught niece jumping on the bed, told her simply “no more monkeys jumping on the bed.” She screamed bloody hell and now they are all comforting her because she is scared of my husband. Neither he or I can walk into the room because it scares her to be told no. Meanwhile, my oldest, who was the apple of everyone’s eye, is being told to watch tv, or go play somewhere else.I’m sad that my kids are so forgotten, and they are setting my niece up for such disappointment in real life. No happens, it isn’t that big of a deal.

  31. Spousal troubles for me as well. My husband is a kind man and a wonderful father and I just don’t feel like he is right for me. We have our share of problems: the primary one, right now, being that he is unable to deal with intense feelings, whether his own or someone else’s. I feel totally stifled by not being able talk openly and honestly about the big things in life with the person who is supposed to be there for me more than anyone else. Yet I have no idea how to weigh that burden against all of the decent things in our relationship.I find myself wishing something glaringly wrong would happen (like he would cheat on me) so that I would have an excuse to leave. As it is now, there are just these constant low-level feelings of dissatisfaction and loneliness and I just don’t know if that constitutes a good enough reason to break up our family.

  32. I can really understand what your going through I used to feel the exact same way but even though you may wish to find him cheating, You probably deep down do’t want that as it will cause you more hate and loneliness. Men often find it difficult to express their feelings but try not to force it on him and mention the problems subtly every now and again. But as you mentioned you should focus on the positives in your relationship and work even harder on those and before you know it you and your partner will become closer and the negatives will soon disappear all by themselves. I wish you all the best in your relationship.P.s You need to ask yourself if it would really be worth breaking up your family by ending it with your partner?
    I hope this helps.

  33. JM you are the best mom for your son. He loves you more than anything and knows that you love him more than anything. Asked three things that I know to be true, the first one for me was that ‘I know my mom loves me’. The relationship is sometimes better and sometimes worse, and sometimes I’m a better or worse mom to my kids. But that love is the rock and your son feels it and knows it and needs you. I can’t begin to understand the kind of pain you’re in, but you’re trying every day and that is what makes you amazing. It’s what makes every one in this community amazing. We come here because we care about being parents and people, and somehow we muddle through together and keep showing up in our own lives.

  34. What a strong and wonderful community this is. Moxie, this safe place is such a gift. This site has been such a source of comfort in tough times. Wishing everyone here peace and better days ahead.

  35. I am beyond worried and into serious anxiety about my husband’s mysterious sudden loss of sensation and nerve pain and weakness. We have more tests in a few days but I am imagining what life will be like if this is a long-term or degenerative disease, and our four little ones never get to have Daddy go for walks with them or go out with them again, because he can’t. I am worried about my elderly parents, with dad’s Parkinson’s and my mother’s increasing memory loss. I’m right now (I mean this minute) sleep training our year-old twins so that I can quit nursing every hour and cosleeping, and they’re shrieking their heads off. I’m worried about our diabetic five-year-old and my middle son and whether he gets forgotten in the chaos. I’m so tired and I’m trying to hold it together because right now I’m the one keeping everything else going.

  36. KC: I am so grateful for your post. You knew exactly what to say to me and gave me something to hold onto. I actually took a screen-shot of your post, and I’m going to keep it. Much love and hugs to you. xoLissar: there’s not much I can say that would be helpful, except that I’ll be thinking about you, your husband and family. I know that stuff like that is scary. Just take one day at a time… One moment at a time. Xo

  37. @JM,I’ve been thinking about you a lot since I first read your post. I was going to write almost exactly what KC wrote. The idea that the people we love would be better off without us, or with someone else is one of the most deceptive symptoms of depression. I don’t know what you’re dealing with, but I went through a really dark time with a chronic illness (as in, it last for months and months, though it was temporary in the sense that it eventually went away) when I was so ill and depressed not only could I not care for my toddler, I didn’t even want to be around him. The memory of not wanting to be in his presence is my most painful from that time. But what KC says is deeply true: whatever we are or are not, whatever our failures or limitations or imperfections, they love us and more than that they need us – not “someone” but us.I wish I could come over and clean your house and bring you a hot dinner (and a frozen one to stash for later). Is there no one who can help you? People love to help. I’m always happy to help and find it difficult to find people to take me up on my offers!

  38. I don’t know where to start. Um, I have 3 kids, 8, 4 and 7 months. I work part-time and my husband works insanely long hours. I am tired, angry, resentful and sad. I am overwhelmed with meeting everyone’s needs and have no time to even think about my own. I feel guilty for feeling this way. My best friend has had 3 miscarriages in the last year (while I was pregnant with my third) and has distanced herself from me. My cousin is battling untreatable cancer and my heart is breaking for him and his family. My husband thinks I should work more. Most days I feel like I am drowning and then someone throws me three more balls to juggle. I want to be Wonder Woman, but I am struggling and I have a really hard time admitting it.

  39. I have become a cliche. I hate my MIL. She’s passive-agressive and horrible to me. And she assumes that I’m passive-agressive too. She plays favorites with her kids and grandkids. She holds grudges FOREVER. She’s petty. I just hate her so much right now. I didn’t want this to happen! I didn’t want to be a cliche! I tried to get along with her for eight years and now I found out what she actually thinks of me and I just give up. No relationship with my MIL for me. The end.

  40. @Classified – I got pregnant at 36, 40 lb over the top weight in my “healthy range”, and had a great pregnancy and super fast C-section recovery (2nd C-section). So you might be putting too much pressure on yourself to get pregnant at the exact perfect physical state.

  41. Oops, hit Enter before I was done.Anyway, @Classified just wanted to say good luck. I nearly failed my glucose test at 28 weeks, but managed to keep it under control just by not eating many simple carbs.

  42. My boyfriend is cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend that cheated on him! Not only is he going behind my back but he’s lying to my face about it! Part of me wants to catch them in the act & hurt both of them, but at the same time part of me is holding back because that’s not in my character. I swear I’m going to end up in jail over this fucking girl.

  43. fuck you. fuck you for always being such a manipulative little fuck bitch. fuck you for all the shit you put me through. fuck you for never seeing how fucking hard I try for us. I fucking hate you. all the love I had for you – where the fuck did it go? I’ll tell you where it went – it all went down the goddamn drain after you left me the first time. I should’ve never gotten back with you. I hate you. I hate us. I hate what we’ve become. for fuck’s sakes, I can’t even be open with you. I have to go here. I hate you. I don’t want to be with you anymore. I should’ve just fucking said that yesterday like I fucking planned. maybe, all this is why she fucking cheated on you. fucking scum. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you.

  44. You’re really a shitty person. We grew up together pretty much our entire lives. And this sick sense of humor you have is really starting to become discusting. I’m so tired of your insensitivity twoards everyone. You need to shut up! You’re not funny. Making fun of everyone is stupid. You’re supposed to be growing up but you can’t.

  45. ok so..i noticed nobody used this blog for like a year so i feel more free to vent here, i know nobody will read this.
    i am 17, from italy..
    I hate to know that my mum is dying. She has a breast cancer and doctors say it is terminal.
    i also hate to know that i am kinda alone, but that i created this lonelyness my myself.
    my mum cries at night and i can’t sleep for all my suicidal thoughts.
    i am a problem for many people..for everyone.
    i want to ask for help but in those days if you do, you are and attention seeker and nobody listens.
    i always thought i was lucky. nice family, many friends, no problems..then everything fell and destroied me.

    it looks like my girlfriend hates me. She know about all the problems i have and that i had in the past. she knows i used to self harm, that i had many anxiety attaks, how i felt..but she keeps destroing me with her words day by day. forgetting i have feelings and that i don’t care ONLY about her. I think she’s not in love, she’s obsessed and she makes me live in hell. She insults me, even when i need her..
    there is so much more to say but i think i will just stare at the wall crying for tonight..bye bye..

  46. Everyone thinks that when you’re a teen, you’re young and don’t have anything to worry about. However, there is SO much pressure, drama, family problems, and heaps more.
    So much that I actually WANT to relapse back into cutting, or just end it here and commit suicide.

  47. I don’t understand why he thinks he can just be whatever the fuck he wants. and Why she has to be such a bitch. I mean shes my best friend why cant she understand that a heartbreak is a heartbreak no matter boy boy girl girl 15 and 24. It’s still love. Why did he have to lie and say he still loved me when he didnt? Why did he choose her? Why? Why? Why? I want to get over it. I’m so sick of caring. I’m so sick of love. I feel like a bad person and I told him everything on how I felt and he just said k like he didnt care. He was my first true love in person, and he didnt even care. A heart break hurts. It fucking hurts a lot.

    1. First of all, 15&24 is illegal, if you can’t get that through your head, then you needed to be dumped. Damn.

  48. My mother is being such an ass. Okay, I brought home one D. But what happened to you loving me, huh? What happened to us staying up all night talking about boys, or schools or whatever. Now all we ever talk about is….well we never talk much anymore unless you’re fussing at me. I mean, I want to love you, but how in the hell am I supposed to know what love is when I can’t even get it from the source?! I AM TIRED OF CRYING, I MEAN BAWLING, MY EYES OUT, because you are being stubborn. I’m only 15, I don’t know what to do, or where to go in my life.

    Remember that makeshift sign I made, yeah, the one that said ‘I Love You’, I know you remember it. I made it when you didn’t speak to me for a whole week. Yesterday report cards came home…today I found that sign on my pillow, but when I asked you about it you said "I was just giving it back. I know you don’t love me."

    I’ve never felt so cold in my own home. The residence of a mother’s love.

  49. I am so tired of having to try to fit into this mold of a normal teenage girl . I am artistic and ever changing . Everyone makes it seem like wanting to change my style is a terrible thing . I don’t want to be like everyone else . I want to be myself . I think of myself as an omnipotent goddess . I love art and music and visual representation. I just want to become wise and creative but the world wants me to be a certain way : a teenage girl that wants to be "sexy" and get attention from others . That’s not what I want at all . The world has brain washed everyone into only seeing from one point of view . It minimalists differentiality in individuals and pinpoints everyone’s mistakes and flaws . It makes everyone feel like they have to be the same and follow every social standard set for them at birth which is complete and udder stupidity . We all have a purpose . And I’m pretty sure it’s not to constantly stay in someone else’s normal boundary . Too many people are afraid to live out of the box . And I want to change that .

  50. People are afraid to live outside the box . The world has brainwashed everyone into only seeing out of one eye , only one point of view . No one can feel comfiest ale in their own skin . We’re all doomed to live in society’s norm . We’re ridiculed for wanting to change ourselves and be unique . People believe we should all be the same .

  51. People are afraid to live outside the box . The world has brainwashed everyone into only seeing out of one eye , only one point of view . No one can feel comfortable in their own skin . We’re all doomed to live in society’s norm . We’re ridiculed for wanting to change ourselves and be unique . People believe we should all be the same . And it’s driving me crazy .

  52. fuck this
    my dads being a fucking ass being overprotective
    and my fucking teacher is a cunt giving not enough credit
    ok i fucking attend all the sessions bt u dont giv me shit?
    go dig a hole and die in it you bitch
    uni stress
    exam stress
    fuck everything
    fuck my ‘friends’ – i feel like a backup
    dk enough ppl
    gonna fail head boy application
    fuck everything
    fuck school
    fuck this shit
    not suicidal or anything
    just wanted to vent
    fuck this

  53. I am tired of getting "ghosted". Talking to a guy for weeks and then he vanishes. I get it, he probably just wanted to flirt or something like that but it hurts when I actually begin to trust a guy and open up then poof. Gone.

  54. I must be just about the only non adult here but I miss everyone that once constructed my life and my childhood and I know that they don’t miss me anywhere near as much. And I’m stuck in some sort of teenage drama I guess you could call it that where my bestish friend likes the same person as me but I’m never gonna tell her I like him too because she deserves to happy more than me but everytime she tells me about what they’re doing together I wanna bash my head against a wall or something and this isn’t a crush thing I’ve known this person for a long time. Long enough to really appreciate them as a person and their personality and I just desperately wanna be one of his good friend but I feel like I’m being clingy and bothering him everytime I talk to him and I’m always third wheeling and I don’t know I just always end up being on my own in the end or surrounded by people who wallow in self pity over something so stupid like crying over someone that died before them as a baby when some of us lost people in our life that we actually had memories. And I know I sound like one of those people and I’ll never be able to explain it all in this website but I can’t talk to anyone so this is where Im gonna vent because I don’t have that special friend to entrust with my problems

  55. I have so much guilt in me.
    I am a serial cheater.
    I have stolen money from my family and friends. Probably over $3,000.
    I love my boyfriend that I am with; truly, with all my heart. I am still cheating on him.
    Two years ago I was raped by one guy (my boyfriend at the time) and than last september I was raped by four men, and this may I was raped by three men.
    My biggest supporter was killed by other people two years ago, the two year date just passed.
    I cuss my parents out when they pick a fight with me.

    I hate myself and am trying to love myself. but i can’t.

  56. I got a new hair cut and it was terrible. I know that’s a concern everyone has, but mine was so awful that it makes me so angry and I want to rip my side bags out of my head. I had recently been having some depression, and when that finally calmed down a little, the hate of my hair began to spiral down into immense hate of my face, my legs, my eyes, even my feet and now in drowning in self pity and immense hate and I have to now write an essay critiquing myself and I can’t do it. I’m about to snap.

  57. my mom is a bitch. all she does is yell and complain about everything, shes clingy even though she constantly tells me i should go live with my dad (im 17 by the way) and i want to but i know even though she tells me to she’ll hold it agianst me and act like she didnt do anything wrolkdngSKs I FUCKING HATE HER

  58. I feel fat. I tell my boyfriend of six months, he’s never hurt me this whole time. He’s never let me down, he’s never upset me intentionally. I told my boyfriend this, he knows that I have disorders and I need help. He knows that I’m upset, he knows that I need to be supported when I am unhappy. He knows I used to be anorexic. He replies "…" So I write, "help me" and he replies "K". It’s obvious he doesn’t care. This happened before. But now I took it to heart because I’m getting my monthly soon and he knows I had a bad day. Out of anger, I wrote "Okay then Bye." And he wrote "Goodbye." Back. If he did care, wouldn’t he try to support me – at least a little? I support him through every little thing!

  59. Me again. Haha. Yeah, I’m quite an angry little one. My "friend" keeps hurting me about things I’ve "hurt her" with (UNINTENTIONALLY) in the past. She won’t let it go, and makes me actually feel like shit. Then she threatens me with suicide and it keeps me up until 2am, because of pity. Because I’m a good person and I know how valuable lives are. But no, she doesn’t care! She isn’t grateful! Who is? Nobody!

  60. I don’t want to live anymore. Every single day is a drag. I just think about starting a day, and I get physically ill. I don’t want to live anymore. All I do is cause myself and other people pain, anxiety, and I am an utter nuisance to everyone around me. I’m stupid, ugly, fat, and overall just an unnecessary piece to this Earth. I can’t take this anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay. I am not right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to take my own life..I don’t know.. I’m already gone..I can’t erase what’s already gone. Almost all that I’ve ever known of myself is completely gone..there’s no way out. I am stuck. I can’t get out and it’s physically eating me alive. There’s literally a physical pain in my chest, choking me out. I cannot handle this "life" I’m living anymore. I’m dead, but breathing. Hardly. I do not. want to live anymore.

  61. So I resently had a birthday last week. I turned 16 on Nov 4th. Big accomplishment for me. I’m the youngest, and the only girl of 3 boys. Last few years I haven’t had the best of birthdays. When I turned 12 my sister in law died on my birthday . When I turned 13 hurricane sandy was on my birthday , so therefore I didn’t get or do anything. When I turned 14 it was just a boring day. I didn’t do anything. 15, I got a gift from one of my brothers. Sneakers. I like them. This year, I was hurt. I got nothing from my family. They walked past me and said happy birthday. I got my nails & eyebrows done though. I payed myself from when I babysat. It’s like they didn’t acknowledge anything I do/did. I’ve been getting good grades and staying after a lot actually. The only ones who bought be a gift were my cousin, brothers ex and his other ex. So Saturday they said they’d have a little party at my house for my birthday. Saturday came and we did nothing like they said.. I had an attitude after I noticed and they couldn’t figure out why I was so mad. No one understands me really. So I stay locked up in my room. I only got a birthday cake which I didn’t want anymore. So they cut the cake and everything without me. I didn’t even have a piece. My brothers said they were "too broke " to take me out or buy anything . But they went bowling that night.. And they want a new dog. I’ve been crying for the past few days. I would’ve expected just a card but I didn’t get that

  62. I am using whats app to talk to my boyfriend who lives in Spain and my account keeps getting hacked. He tells things about himself to the hacker thinking its me and i miss out on some of the conversations he had with"me". And he has been hinting that we have sexted before which we have not. And today i checked my phone and i saw the hacker sending sexually explicit texts to MY boyfriend. Now not only is he unkowingly kind of cheating on me but I have to see it. And if I get it fixed what if idont want to sext him or what if the hacker was better at it then i was. Im upset and this hacker is ruining my life.

  63. My mom keeps on abusing me on a daily basis and she just attacked me and started scratching me and beating me for no reason like legit no reason, she left a lot of marks on me and i hate it i fucking hate it and she always makes me feel like shit for being over weight she always tells me I’ll never fucking be able to love someone and ik that sounds so cliche and fake but it happens it really does she won’t stop bullying me about my weight and the thing is I’m completely healthy even the doctor said it himself but she still doesn’t feed me properly and whenever i eat she beats me afterwards and i can’t even call anyone for help bcs I live in an arabic country where they encourage to beat your kid they don’t give a shit and they don’t validate mental illnesses all they think about here is god and I’m losing faith in my religion from so much hate i hate this and the worst part is my mom won’t validate my mental illnesses and she says it will go away by praying and it doesn’t ITS A FUCKING MENTAL ILLNESS AND THIS BITCH RELIGION IN HERE WHY THO

  64. I hate every single human being I know , including myself, I have no life, I wake up to go to sleep again. I feel soooo depressed all the time but I’m trying to ignore it, I literally fight my parents every single day. I try to look happy in front of my friends. If I get sad ill ignore the feeling until something really stupid happens, then ill cry. Im not suicidal , but I think death is way better than living. I don’t cut, but I want to get rid of this empty feeling. I never loved someone, even if someone loved me. I always push people away even if I didn’t want to, my minds messed up. I love to sleep, but then ill see my grandpa crying "why did you hate me so much?"or "I still love you". I wanna be loved, I want someone to take care of me, love me , always check on me, but then again, I push people away, even if I didn’t want to. now sometimes I feel so sad , but why can’t I cry? why can’t I get rid of this feeling? will it ever go away? am I going to be loved in the future? will I have real friends? dammit. I hate this. -G 1-1-2017

  65. I cleaned my whole room, house, everything just for this girl to come over and spend the night (no sex involved). we were flirting for a good minute… its now my show (im a dj) and its time for me to go on. she stayed outside and didnt even watch me spin, and then she didnt even go home with me. didnt spend time with me. just wasted everything. this is not the first time in a row its happened either. this is 6th time in a row and honestly, im so done with this dating bullshit and being lonely that i might move to a different area with a different lifestyle.

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