Report in from Krissy about having a third baby

Remember Krissy, who was on the fence about having a third baby after her friend put the baby bug in her ear? Well, she reported in the other day:

"So the update is that I found out on January 14 that I am, indeed,
pregnant.  Still hadn't "decided", was still on the fence, and yet
pregnant (which is what happens when you are careless; sometimes not
making a choice is actually making a choice).  I felt two things when I
found out: relief that the indecision is OVER and terror about what I've
allowed to happen. I have no idea how I'm going to make this work; I
don't even know why I wanted to try in the first place, honestly.  When I
look past the baby/toddler-hood phase I can get excited about the
person that will be a part of us forever.  But I have to admit that I'm
having a hard time looking past the looming baby/toddler years.  I went
back and read the entire thread and am grateful for the warmth and
supportive feedback.  If you don't feel like people are tired of this
subject I'd love to hear feedback now that the train has left the
station.  Though the indecision is over, I'm pretty scared, and
honestly, feeling pretty alone.  While my husband and I have always been
able to tell each other anything, I'm having such a hard time talking
about this with him, because deep down I know he has the same
fears/concerns, and deeper down, I know he did this b/c it was what *I*
Either way, I am so grateful for the wonderful community that you have
created, and the wonderful, smart women (and men?) that have gathered
here to share."


*I* think it's great, but that's because it's not me. (And because if I had a third baby now my older two would be 11 and 8, and that's a huge difference from two little kids and a baby.)

Now that the deed is done, what do you have for Krissy? And how can she be honest about being scared with her husband, when she feels like she doesn't have the right to be scared?

Q&A: 15-month-old nap weirdness

Amanda writes:

"Hoping maybe I can get some help from your awesome followers.  My
son is almost 15 months old.  And I don't know what the HELL is going on
with his sleep. 

He used to go down easily at
night (after a routine that has been the same since 4 weeks), even
saying "down" or reaching for the crib.  He almost always sleeps through
the night, with the occasional 2-minute scream fest that he puts
himself back to sleep after.  He used to sleep until 7, but it's gotten
earlier and earlier and lately he's been getting up at 5. Sometimes
earlier.  Ready to GO.  So we've started letting him cry and not getting
him until 6 at the earliest, which has helped.  He will cry for a while
and go back to sleep until 6:30-7, and some days he'll sleep through to
about 6:15.

All of a sudden, it is BLOODY MURDER every time we
put him down.  First it was the naps, then the night.  We've been
working on transitioning him to one nap, because he was fighting the
second nap so hard, and he seems to be the right age.  We keep him up
until about 11, then do the routine.  He falls asleep like a stone as
long as he's held, and as soon as we put him down, it's the rigid body
and the screaming.  And screaming and screaming and screaming.  We've
tried graduated interventions, but he just falls asleep as soon as we
pick him up and screams again as soon as we put him down.  For the last
few days, it's been an hour of crying every single time, both at nap and
at bed.

He's never been a great napper– at his very best,
we could get an hour and fifteen minutes out of him. Now we're down to
an hour of crying, 30 minutes of sleep, and a terrible mood for the rest
of the day.  We put him to bed early– one hour of crying.  We put him
to bed late– one hour of crying.  I just don't know what to do anymore.
 I'm afraid he's getting chronically overtired, but I don't want to
start holding him for all his naps.  Then we'll just have to go back to
the screaming eventually.

What can I do?  Please help.  We are lost, and losing it."

This seemed weird to me, as usually 15 months is an age in which kids who haven't been sleeping START to sleep. So it seemed strange that this would be an age with some kind of sleep disturbance. Plus, the intensity of the crying made me think something was off, so I suggested that maybe he was in pain while lying down, and this could be reflux or heartburn.

Amanda cut out all acidic foods, but didn't see any change:

"He was getting insanely overtired, so we caved and started holding him
for naps. I know. But he slept 2 hours plus, every time. And we got the
nights back, down like a charm, and waking at about 6. My stress level
plummeted: there are way worse things than napping with a baby on you.
 But now it's been a couple of weeks of nap holding, and we're totally
screwed. I love holding him, it's cozy and sweet and all that.  But he's
heavy, and he's getting bigger, and that's the ONLY time I have to get
anything done.  I can't commit to doing it every day until he's four.
 But I don't know what else to do.  I"ve created this habit, and I don't
know how to break it.

Any advice?  Thoughts from your readers?"

The fact that he sleeps while he's being held but not when he isn't is making me think this is some kind of physical discomfort issue that's being alleviated when someone holds him. I wonder what happens if he's in a car seat or stroller, if he can fall asleep then (that's kind of the classic tell of silent reflux or heartburn, if a child sleeps fine upright in a car seat or stroller but can't sleep lying flat). Or if it's something that's not tummy-related, but is still causing him pain.

It just seems odd to me that this came out of nowhere. What am I missing?

Thoughts on common names?

A friend just had a baby boy, and the name they love for him is very common right now. They're hesitant to give him that name because it's so common, even though they love it.


I myself love having an uncommon name. (And a big story with my name.) But my boys both have common names. (One was extremely common until recently, and one is still very common.) If I'd had a girl, my girl names were all less common than the names my boys have.

I tend to feel like unusual names are easier for girls to carry than for boys to carry (at least here in the US), so a boy with a common name may not notice as much as a girl would.

I'd love to hear from people with common and uncommon names, and what you decided to give your kids. And why. Anyone?

Groundhog Day

I'm not doing so well on all my 40 Fun Things. Last Monday the kids had a snow day, so I didn't get to go see a movie but I did hang out all day with them. And then on Tuesday we went into Detroit to the DIA. Wednesday and Thursday I had so much to do I didn't even get a chance to stop and think about fun, let alone have any.

But on Friday I did get in the car and drive to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, to meet my friend John and two of his friends. We ate at Mary's Place in Punxsutawney (I ate way too much lasagna), then went to our hotel and went to sleep. The next morning my alarm went off at 4 am ("Rise and shine, campers!"), stuffed myself into a bunch of layers, and we met in the lobby at 4:15. We were in line for the shuttle bus up to Gobbler's Knob at 5:15 and got to the scene of the groundhog by 6. It was 1 degree F (-17 degrees C) but there were thousands of people there (they estimated 30,000) dancing to a live fiddler and guitar player. Then some people came up and danced to "Groundhog Style" (the obligatory "Gangnam Style" parody: "Heeyyyy, Punxsutawney!"), and songs from "The Blues Brothers." There were fireworks at 6:30, to the Star Wars soundtrack. More music and dancing, and someone came and showed everyone how to perform CPR, and then it was time (7:25 am) to pull Phil the Groundhog out of his stump. If he saw his shadow, we'd have six more weeks of winter. If he didn't see his shadow, we'd spring would begin immediately. It was cloudy, so he didn't see his shadow, but it still only went up to 16 degrees F by the end of the day.

Groundhog Day was fantastic, though (later we had groundhog-shaped pancakes!). And it was one of my goals for 2013. I've wanted to go for 20 years, and finally did it! Hooray for goals!

One of the other sections of the Incredible Year Workbook is listing people you want to spend time with this year. The first name I put down was my internet friend Deesha Philyaw from the website She and I have been online friends since she was so kind to me when my ex and I started our co-parenting blog, and I've wanted to meet her but never thought about making it happen. As soon as I put her name down on my list, though, the details for Punxsutawney were finalized and I realized I was going to be very close to her on my way home. So we met, and she made me a delicious lunch, and her daughter entertained me with stories of parasailing. I'm so glad I put her name on the list, because I'm not sure I'd have thought about actually making it happen if I hadn't.

And then I drove to my parents' house in the driving snow, because my parents had kindly agreed to have my kids over for a sleepover so I could go to Punxsutawney (their dad was at the Dad 2.0 conference). The trip was uneventful (except for when I dropped my keys in the disgusting black slush at a rest stop) and my boys weere happy to see me and to get their groundhog-shaped chocolate bars.

So that was definitely enough fun for the week.

Anyone else out there with an older child who wets the bed?

K writes:

"I'm writing for the first time ever — and with a
question/seeking support and advice from your community of moms. My son,
who is 7/12 still wets the bed. DH and I both have taken the "no big
deal" approach with him ever since he was potty trained at age 3y 2m (in
just a few days and with minimal regression). The first year or two, we
kept expecting him to start to have dryer nights. Or waking up in the
night. Or something. But instead, we just keep buying more absorbent
pull-ups (the kind for 70 pound kids) and doing a lot of loads of pee
laundry. Not only has he never *NEVER* woken up dry, it remains uncommon
for him to soak through a mega pull-up a few times a week.

The trouble with bed wetting (well, aside from the yuck factor
and potential shame factor — which we strive to protect and shield him
from) is that there are no experts. Not since I was nursing did I feel
like our pediatrician just didn't really "get" it. Great doctor, great
lady, but just not the right expert. Trouble is, there's no bedwetters
equivalent of all the support groups and books out there for nursing
moms. I've heard and read everything — including the reason why every
option is doomed to failure. Setting an alarm at night / he won't learn
to wake on his own. Limiting fluids / even if I thought this would work,
it is not reasonable in my house. Using one of those wetness alarms
that wakes him up when he starts to pee / expensive, and these get
lukewarm reviews, at best. Most recently I heard someone mention
chiropractic treatment. And while I love my visits to the chiro now and
then, that seems like a stretch (and an expensive one by the time we've
had 4 or 5 office visits).

We've been doing the "wait and see" approach now for more than
4 years. My daughter, on the other hand, turned 3 last fall and wakes
up dry most days already. Which obviously can get awkward for my little
guy. 🙁 And FWIW yes, he's a heavy sleeper, and yes it seems his dad wet
the bed when he was little, though not when he was this old.

We get great empathy and encouragement from family and
friends. A nearly entirely judge-free zone, and very grateful for that. I
just need to know how long is it really reasonable to wait and see? Are
there are even real parents out there who have used methods
successfully? And I'm not talking about 3 year old betwetters — I'm
talking about kids who are in elementary school, who have long since
passed the point where everyone says kids just start to stay dry at

I don't know if this is something you'd be willing to push out
to your community or not. I'm just reaching my wit's end with this, and
I'd like to see some light somewhere on the horizon. Just like nursing
strikes and losing sleep and everything else, if you know there's an end
to the madness, I can muddle through in the meantime."

As we know, I know nothing about potty training, and nothing about bed-wetting. I've got nothing but sympathy, because this sounds like the kind of thing that everyone wants to offer advice on or judgment of, but that people who are dealing with it have already tried everything.

So I wish I could just give you a big hug and and It Gets Better.

Is there anyone else out there in this same situation? How are you coping?