40 before 40

So thank you for all the suggestions. I'm feeling a little spoiled because so many of them are things I already do or have! I have tons of nice underwear (HIGHLY recommend Hanky Panky thongs), I cook new things all the time, I go out with friends all the time, I'm in training for a 10K in March (and a half marathon in October at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, if anyone's interested in running with us), I take barre class three times a week, I dance around at the grocery store in my living room all the time, one of my best friends is a Mary Kay Director so I have half a dozen perfect lipsticks, I goof off all the time, I eat whatever I want that keeps getting me to my goals, I read magazines all the time (I have an actual subscription to Lucky, for Pete's sake–talk about frivolous!). I guess I just stopped feeling guilty about things a few years ago. Which may be part of why I'm not so excited about 40–I don't feel like I inhibit myself much anyway, so it doesn't feel like any big moment to release inhibitions.

So I'm picking things I think will be fun just for fun, not because I think I should do them. I also decided I didn't have to decide on all 40 right now, since I'm sure fun things will come up as I go. So here's the list, which I'll fill in as I go:

January 17: Get a mani-pedi.

January 18: Buy something pretty just for the heck of it.

January 19: Have dinner with my college friends (on an island!).

January 20: Drink a pina colada with my college friends.

Janaury 21: Do a pilates class with my college friends.

January 22: Go to the beach with my college friends.

January 23: Buy myself flowers.

January 24: Take a long hot bath.

January 25: Have lunch with my best friend from business school.

January 26: Have a liquid lunch with my business school friends. (Don't tell our afternoon professors.)

Janaury 27: Lie around and watch soccer matches in my pajamas all day.

January 28: Go to a movie by myself.

January 29: Go get donuts for breakfast with the kids at the good donut place and buy donuts for the old guys who are at the donut place every morning.

January 30: Get a facial.

January 31:Write an actual letter to my grandmother (the one who's 97, not the one with Alzheimer's, since she'll still follow what I write).

February 1: Solo road trip (I love driving trips).

February 2: See the groundhog in Punxsatawney, PA, with a friend from when I was 20 who has come back into my life again like a whirlwind of fun.

February 3:

February 4:

February 5:

February 6:

February 7:

February 8:

February 9:

February 10:

February 11:

February 12:

February 13:

February 14:

February 15:

February 16:

February 17:

February 18:

February 19:

February 20:

February 21:

February 22:

February 23:

February 24:

February 25:


If you had the flu, what items would you want to have in your house?

This crazy flu is spreading across North America like gangbusters, and there's another norovirus going around. (Which I think my younger son has–he threw up in his dad's bed in the middle of the night last night. Co-parenting Roulette…) Even people who have gotten the flu shot are getting the flu.

So what would you want to have in your house if you were sick?

I'm thinking:

white grape juice (not apple juice) to mix with water for rehydration




bread for toast

laundry detergent

trash can liners


toilet paper

ibuprofen or other headache pain reliever

flu symptom medicine


What else would you want?

Three facts and a question for you

Fact 1: I've started putting my goals and mottos for the 2013 Incredible Life Workbook on Pinterest. The boards are called 2013 Incredible Goals and 2013 Incredible Mottos. Don't forget about the Facebook group of those of us doing the workbook.

Fact 2: Registration for the Flourish Through Divorce online workshop closes this Saturday at midnight EST, and the first lesson goes out Sunday. Pass it on to anyone you think could use it.

Fact 3: My dishwasher is currently piping water into my basement instead of into the actual dishwasher.

Question: An anonymous questioner gets a migraine after she has an orgasm. And her doctor's got nothing. That is no way to live. Has anyone heard of this or have a solution to it? It sounds like either blood pressure or hormones, but then my medical degree is from Google. Anyone?

Data points on labor and delivery

You people know how to have fun! I'm going to sort through all the suggestions and pick 40 and make a list so you can all play along. There won't be any involving heights, as I'm terrified of them, so the hot air balloon ride is out. And some of these things I do all the time anyway, which has made me consider how much more fun my life is now than it was three years ago. So thank you for helping me get a little perspective.

Today can we give data points on labor and delivery? I feel like so many women get so many horror stories, and it would be nice to have some real, neutral info out there.(If your birth actually was a horror story, feel free to share. The goal here is a wide range of experiences, not whitewashing in either direction.)

I'll start:

#1: Normal pregnancy, midwives knew the baby was big so didn't want me to go too far past 40 weeks so I didn't end up in the hospital (I was using a freestanding birth center). They told me to drink an enormous amount of castor oil at 40w 3d so I did, and the predictable happened and I went into a weak, annoying labor. Many many hours later I went to the birth center, in the tub, out of the tub, break my water, vomit, start pushing and the cord was getting trappedd every time I pushed so they transferred me to the hospital. Got to the hospital, pushed for an hour. They finally got an IV in me (deep rolling veins) after 55 minutes of pushing. Two small tears. 9 pound 8 ounce baby. Born at 40w 5 d. Total labor time: 36 hours. Total pushing time: One hour. No meds. Went home 13 hours later. Milk came in over the course of a few hours on day 2 or 3.

#2: The birth center had closed and I was unhappy with my hospital options, so I decided to have the baby at home. Had wacky non-contractions from about 38 weeks on. At 40w 3d I walked two miles rapidly and labor started that afternoon. From 5 pm Sunday night to 10 am Tuesday I had one intense contraction every 15 minutes. Pain coping technique: cursing. At 11 am I couldn't take it (ha ha, transition) and asked the midwife for help and she told me to take a Benedryl so I could sleep. The second I swallowed the Benedryl my labor switched and I started having contractions every 3 minutes. About 45 minutes later my body jsut went whoosh and my water broke. 5 minutes later my body pushed twice and his head came out. Then my body pushed again and the rest of him came out. No tears. 8 pound 8 ounce baby. Born at 40w 5d. Total labor time: 43 hours. Total pushing time: Under 10 minutes. No meds. At home already so while they were weighing him I drank a gallon of Fierce Grape Gatorade. Milk came in within 12 hours.

(I have a theory that second labors after vaginal deliveries of the first either end up being the same labor as the first compacted into fewer hours, or some long pokey minor contractions until the last minute and then a super-fast delivery. Thoughts?)

Your turn!

40 Fun Things?

I'm turning 40 on February 26.

I have not been happy about that, at all.

I'm not sure exactly why it bothers me so much, but it does, and I've spent the last year trying to outrun it and out strength train it (I take barre classes a few times a week and am developing some good muscle) and make myself into a better person and I still don't want to turn 40.

A couple of days ago my ex-husband and I were talking about the calendar for the next few months and he asked me what I was doing for my birthday and did I want him to take the kids that night or did I want the kids with me. And I totally went all Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally" on him. "I don't want to turn foooooorteeeee…" I said.

He blinked at me. "Why not?"

"Because it's foooooorteeeee," I moaned.

"Look, I've been 40 for eight years now, and it's kind of fun," he offered, like he was trying to talk down a jumper.

"But you're a maaaaaaan. Men don't care about turning foooooooorteeeee." And that's when he changed the subject to where our younger son's gloves could be.

So I was carefully avoiding it while simultaneously obsessing about it silently, and was working along on the 2013 Incredible Year Workbook and feeling excited about my year and then I got to this page:

Birthing day page

And I did not want.

But then I took in a deep breath, and thought about it, and realized I needed to just suck it up and find a way to get ok with turning 40, and with being 40. And I said this to some people, and they all agreed that yes, I need to deal. So the way I'm going to deal is by doing 40 Fun Things, one every day, starting January 17 and ending February 25 to end off my fortieth year of life and transition me gently into my 40th birthday.

The first weekend of that time period I'll be on a mini-vacation with my friends from college (no kids, no partners), so I've got those four days covered for fun. But I still need 36 other things! (You can see that the page is still blank. No things written down yet.)

I can't afford to do expensive fun things, and I'm not looking for something deep and meaningful every day, and they don't have to be new (although it would be good if some of them were new, probably). But I'm taking all suggestions here in the comments. So lay some fun things on me, please!

Which sleep regression is worse?

Question 1: My older son made a wooly mammoth out off red clay (the kind that dries out but doesn't have to be fired) for school. One of the tusks just fell off. What can I glue it back on with? Krazy Glue? Elmer's glue? The mammoth is dry, so we can't just reform it and re-attach.

People with infants and toddlers: Does the question above seem like the kind of issue you wish you were having instead of sleep problems and food problems and tantrums? Then hang on, because in a few years those will be your problems. It's a self-solving problem.

Question 2: Speaking of sleep, how about those sleep regressions?

Which, in your opinion, was the worst for you:

4 months

9 months

13 months

18 months (also known as 16-21 months for some people)

24-27 months

3-year-olds refusing to go to sleep in the first place


I'm going with 9 months for my first child. For 4 months he had only slept a couple of 4-hour stretches anyway by then so I didn't really notice. His 9-month regression went on and on and by 10 months I was so demoralized I really didn't know how I was going to make it much further, and was so sad about what a crap mother I was turning out to be. The 13 month regression hardly happened, and then I was mad about the 18-month regression. But that 9-month regression just about killed me.

With my second it was the 3-year-old shenanigans that made things worse. I was alone by that point and just could not get that kid to go to sleep at night for love or money, and I imagined it could continue for years because of his personality.


What's your vote for Worst Sleep Regression ever?

With a whimper or a bang?

Reminder to Ann Arbor people that we're meeting at Fraser's Pub on Packard at 6 tonight (Thursday) to work on the 2013 Incredible Year Workbook. Bring your copy and pens. I'll bring my three hole punch.

Anyone else interested in talking about the process with other Ask Moxie readers, I started a FB closed group to talk about the process of doing the workbook and planner.

Now: waah! It feels like this holiday season was difficult for a lot of people. More difficult than usual. And like re-entry is difficult, too. Almost a collective groan as we have to start turning the gears again and get our kids back in gear, too.

It's not helping that everyone and their kids has been or is sick. Flus, colds, sore throats, general malaise. Some of you have had something for two weeks, gotten over it and gotten something else for two weeks, and then another thing.

This is starting to feel a little like Groundhog Day. (The movie, not February 2.)


Name it and get it out here in the comments. Once it's down here you can shake it off and move on.