Backby popular demand!
I’ve gotten requests to bump up the start of
this next round of Flourish Through Divorce to August, so we’ll be starting
August 15. The next round will start November 4 and run through the holidays (on
by all the changes and decisions and feelings of divorce?
Having a hard time
processing your complicated feelings about the split and helping your kids
what kind of life you can have now, post-relationship?
Wanting to work together
with your former partner for the good of the kids, but finding yourself so
hamstrung by anger and hurt that you can’t see clearly?
So many of you are doing what you
can to comply with the legal process of divorce that you don’t have the time
and space to tend your heart and mind and soul when you most need it.
What if you could:
yourself the time and space to consider what happened and what’s next?
about it honestly and thoughtfully with companions in the same part of the
process that you are?
a structure of areas to process and create as you move into a new life?
It would be wonderful if you could
get divorced with no effort and then fly off to Tibet to find yourself, but
when you have kids that doesn’t happen. Instead, you can take the online Flourish
Through Divorce workshop. It’s 6 now 8! weeks long, all online and
on the phone, and starts August 15.
The workshop will:
you a list of the things you need to work through
you thinking about all the big ideas and working on them
your eyes and ears so when you do come to new ideas and processes on your
own you have a framework to fit them into
space for you to think and process
a forum for feedback from other people in the same process, running
buddies, in essence
The workshop will get you started in
healing and creating the new life you need. It’s an intense eight weeks, but
the process will continue for you for months after the workshop is over.
This workshop is very special to
me–I found getting divorced the most painful but transformative process of my
life, and stumbled my way toward this new sparkly life I have. Four-and-a-half years
from the legal decree I’m happier with who I am and my relationships with my
children and ex-husband than I’d ever have predicted. (If you want to read
about our co-parenting you can find us at When The Flames Go Up.)
The Flourish Through Divorce workshop takes all the thoughtfulness and
troubleshooting I bring to parenting on AskMoxie.org and brings it to the
divorce process to give you a framework to make sure you’re tending to all
those other parts of your family and life that need love. I want you to have a
sparkly life (if you like sparkle), too.
“This workshop let me use my guilt
as a motivator to make something new and better, and helped me understand what
I really wanted out of interactions with my ex. It also confirmed that
everything I was feeling was normal, and that I was letting go of the sadness
What is the workshop?
It’s everything I learned
that got me from feeling like I was free-falling to being happy and exactly
where I’m supposed to be.
It’s a structure to lead you
through the big topics you need to think about and create new for yourself.
I’m there to give data points and
help you frame and reframe, and you’ll do it together with everyone else
in the workshop so you’re not the only one going through this
bewildering and shifting experience. No echo chamber.
This course does not offer any legal advice and is not
therapy. In this course we will explore issues, plan, and dream, but it is not
a substitute for trained legal advice or therapy. If you feel that you need
legal advice or the assistance of a therapist, I encourage you to seek help
from a licensed professional. (And participants have been happy with doing this
workshop in addition to seeing their wonderful therapists.)
(Don’t want companions on the
journey? Think about private coaching with me
instead and we can do the same framework and space with just you.)
Here are the big topics
we’ll work on, one every week, with lots of nooks and crannies and space to
think and work within each one:
Processing the split:
sadness, shame, regret.
story that changes every day.
yourself be sad and hopeful and proud at the same time.
with your kids even when you cry whenever they’re not around.
them process while you’re processing, too.
through it with guilt as your sidekick.
New family dynamics:
houses instead of one.
marriage can end but family is forever (and how that can hurt).
past anger to create the best custody situation for everyone.
of the doubt.
kid-focused even when it hurts in the now.
creative with how all needs get met.
Balancing the Ledger:
the balance of energy, emotion, and money in your relationship
out what you are “owed”
how to balance that ledger for yourself
action to begin the balancing process
What is it you plan to do with your
one wild and precious life?
got you into a box in the first place, and deliberately crafting your life
being good got you.
what you value now that you have your choice of everything in the world,
and going toward that.
close to your kids while you explore who you are now.
Maintaining boundaries and staying
centered so fights and conflict doesn’t destroy you:
in basically friendly divorces there’s a lot of conflict in the process,
and some divorces feel like a constant bloody battle. How can you stay
strong and centered and calm so you can advocate for yourself and your
kids without being ripped apart, constantly on edge, or afraid?
away to the essence so you know what you can give and what you can’t give.
letting go of anger and keeping score can free you.
to drop your end of the rope.
the physical letting go.
Nourishing yourself and your
personality, and nourishing your kids and their personalities:
your home a place where everyone grows.
out who you are post-relationship.
past the immediate future.
As you can see, that’s a lot. It
took me the better part of three years to stumble through all of that. We are
not trying to get through all of the feelings and decisions and moments and
transformations in the eight weeks of the workshop. (I don’t think it would be
possible to, unless we were in a sweat lodge on an island with nothing else
happening for the entire eight weeks.) But we’ll dig far enough into it that
you can keep going and fit all the pieces together as they come to you, and
you’ll have the private discussion group online to keep going with you.
“I found the written content you provided really
thought-provoking and useful. In some cases, it was an articulation of where I
had already gotten to; in other cases, it opened my eyes to what was causing a
lot of my problems.” C.S., Vancouver
Flourish Through Divorce
costs $389 and runs August 15, 2013 through October 10, 2013 (8 weeks). The
course elements are:
I’ve Learned and topics to think about sent out every week, with homework
consisting of a model or framework that I lay out (with descriptions,
examples, and metaphors so you see how it applies to you) and a series of
questions that you think about, answer, and write down or draw to be able
to see your own plan and progress (send it to me to get feedback, or keep
it private just for you)
hidden Facebook group for everyone to talk in during the length of the
workshop and for another six months (especially helpful during the
holidays, when you might need a safe place to vent with others who are
going through the same thing)
optional weekly calls (Tuesday nights at 10 pm EDT and Thursday morning at
11 am EDT) for everyone in the workshop, with a very short agenda of
checking in on the week’s topic and then whatever it’s bringing up (you
can talk or just listen, and the call will NOT be recorded). Calls are
officially around half an hour (quick and sweet and you can listen in on a
coffee break) but I’ll stay on with anyone who can and wants to keep
list of two mandatory books (plus one more for people with children) and
three more optional books (you don’t have to finish them during the
email support from me during the workshop
will also have some special guests on calls or who write things just for
I’m the one who initiated the
divorce, and I feel guilty about moving toward a new happy life. Don’t.
You aren’t going through the sausage factory of divorce to stay mired in
hopelessness and guilt. If you’re strong enough to rip your life apart, make it
mean something good for you and your kids.
I didn’t want this divorce. I feel
like my life is being stolen. I’m sorry you’re going through
this. You have two choices: you can roll over and let yourself be discarded, or
you can fight back by creating an amazing life for yourself. 365 days from now
are you going to be empty and sad, or hopeful and a little bittersweet and full
Are you going to teach me how to
beat my ex in court? Nope. I don’t think anyone beating
anyone is good for your kids, and I bet you don’t really, either. I can help
you release some anger, though, so you can maintain your own boundaries and
work with your ex to create the best possible situation for your kids. I have a
lot of hope that people can be great parents even if they were shitty spouses.
(And we talk about that in the workshop.)
We were never married, so it’s a
split but not technically a divorce. Will this still apply to me?
Totally. Since none of this is about the legal process and is all about the
emotional and logistical process, it’s right for you. Whether you weren’t able
to get married or chose not to get married, you’re completely welcome.
I’m a Christian and am feeling torn
apart by getting divorced. Me, too. I don’t go into faith in
the workshop except as a structure that can help if it’s your thing, but I’m
happy to share privately what I came to about grace and redemption and being
I can’t get past the guilt of doing
this to my kids. Yes, you can. Not overnight, but you
can get past guilt into a place that creates a life your kids are going to
I don’t have kids. Can I still do
this workshop? If not having kids was a sad part
of your marriage, then do NOT take this workshop because it is going to trigger
every hurt feeling you have. (Email me and we can talk about it, if you’d like
to.) If not having kids is a good thing, then yes, take it, and just ignore the
parts about kids.
Still have questions? Email me at
askmoxie at gmail dot com.
Sign up, and give yourself
permission to come through this intact and hopeful.
When I started working on the outline and lessons for this
course I realized that this is my heart, showing other people the signposts for
the path to a new life during and after divorce. Getting a divorce was the most
transformative experience of my life, and I hope I can help you find a clear
path for yourself.
If you have questions or want to find out if this workshop is for you, email me at askmoxie at gmail dot com.
You can do this. Courage.