The Table of Contents

Wow. Thank you, everyone! What a lovely outpouring of support for writing my book. It makes me only slightly less terrified to post the Table of Contents.

There are going to be two different "tracks" in the book–the chronological "this is likely to happen now" track, and the topics for discussion track (including ideas about learning to make decisions as a parent as well as the stuff that crops up as you go along). I had thought of doing two separate sections, but then realized that I'm the kind of person who would just read the chronological section and miss out on the discussions, so maybe it would make more sense to put the discussions in when they're likely to happen, as intercalary chapters.

Here's the outline as it stands right now:

Introduction

Chapter 1: We’re all in this together, separately

  • Discussion of the shock of new parents
  • Sources of support and protecting yourself from anti-support
  • Importance of finding your own method and assessing the usefulness of expert advice

Chapter 2: Problemsolving for Parents

  • What are your goals? Make a mission statement for parenting to help guide you through the decisionmaking process
  • Principle-based parenting vs. rules-based parenting
  • “Safe, respectful, and kind” concept
  • How to approach solving specific problems. LIFO approach, FIFO approach, TQM, or low-hanging fruit method.
  • Designing your own framework for decision-making in the moment

Chapter 3: Sleep, Crying, and Tension, aka Anti-Chaos Theory

  • Discussion of baby sleep and what’s realistic
  • Developmental spurts and when babies go through sleep regressions (references to Wonder Weeks and Bed Timing)
  • Tension Increasers/Tension Releasers Theory
  • Characteristics of Tension Increasers and how to handle them
  • Characteristics of Tension Releasers and how to handle them
  • Sleep prognosis

Chapter 4: Birth through 12 weeks

  • First days
  • Days and nights mixed up
  • Breastfeeding: When to get help
  • Three-week growth spurt
  • What do you do all day?
  • Six-week growth spurt
  • 6-8 weeks is the peak of crying
  • Maybe, finally, starting to settle into a routine
  • 3-month growth spurt
  • Back to work/not back to work

Chapter 5: Worry

  • Normal worry vs. unusual worry
  • Persistent thoughts
  • Worry as Defensive pessimism
  • Turn worry to your advantage

Chapter 6: Is it possible that you have PPD? Let’s find out.

  • Signs and symptoms of PPD (for moms and dads)
  • For people who have PPD, ways to get help now.
  • For people who don’t have PPD, ways to keep your system balanced so you’re less likely to get it.
  • Stories from people who came through PPD.

Chapter 7: Four months

  • Sleep regression!
  • Naps are ridiculous, but improving
  • Things are getting serious now
  • Chapter 8: Anger
  • Why anger now?
  • Who are you angry at?
  • Productive ways to channel your anger
  • Allowing yourself to be angry and allowing your child to be angry

Chapter 9: Friendship

  • How your pre-baby friendships may change, and the range of emotions associated with that
  • Why now is the easiest time to make friends since the first week of college
  • Making friends (for people who are going back to work)
  • Making friends (for people who will be staying home for awhile)
  • Maintaining parent friendships through different decisions
  • Don’t make weekends “family time”

Chapter 10: Six months

  • What is exactly is going on?
  • Sleep transition time: good, bad, or just different
  • Is your child flipping days and nights? Or feeding in weird ways?
  • What’s the new normal?

Chapter 11: Your body, yourself

  • Six months out, and your body still isn’t back to the way it was prepregnancy (probably).
  • What’s the prognosis?
  • Realistic standards, realistic expectations
  • Taking care of your physical health

Chapter 12: The linear notion of time, or what does not exist

  • The old normal
  • The new normal
  • Focus
  • Learning from this amorphous phase

Chapter 13: Nine months

  • Sleep regression
  • Independence/clingy phase
  • Increased fear

Chapter 14: Doubt, and who you are now

  • Why is nine months so hard for parents?
  • Finding where you are in the landscape
  • Reality check for your capacity right now
  • Realistic timeline for improvement

Chapter 15: One year

  • You all made it!
  • What happens at one year
  • Switching the way you feed your child (if you decide to do so at the one-year mark)
  • Beginnings of toddler behavior
  • 13-month sleep regression

Chapter 16: Love and sex

  • How loving your child affects loving your partner
  • Who you are as a romantic partner now
  • What about your needs?
  • Um, sex

Chapter 17: Young toddler

  • Constant busyness
  • Opposition
  • Exercise, the miracle cure
  • Not taking it personally

Chapter 18: Independence

  • The beginning of true independence
  • Side effects of independence
  • Food resistance
  • Communication goes both ways, sort of
  • Independence for you

Chapter 19: Sleep: Yours

  • Are you sleeping through the night?
  • How much of your sleep is related to your child’s sleep and how much of it is you?
  • Nutritional needs for better sleep
  • Other support for your own sleep

Chapter 20: 18 months

  • The worst sleep regression yet
  • Defiance
  • Food refusal times three
  • A huge period of growth combined with disequilibrium
  • Communication

Chapter 21: Anger, redux

  • Why toddlers can tap into your anger so effectively
  • Managing your anger
  • Thinking about this phase as practice for later phases
  • Perspective

Chapter 22: 21 months

  • New fluency and cheerfulness
  • Communication
  • Better sleep

Chapter 23: What’s next?

  • Figuring out what’s next for you now that your child is out of the baby and toddler stage
  • Who are you as a parent?
  • Are you satisfied with your family configuration and workload?
  • Making changes

Chapter 24: Two years

  • You made it—no longer parenting a baby
  • Strong separation anxiety phase
  • Maybe thinking about having another, or maybe not
  • Oh, and there’s another sleep regression from 24-27 months

Appendix: First, do no harm: Books you can read that won’t gaslight you, websites that won’t make you feel inadequate, and other resources

  • Book list
  • Website list
  • Other resources

 

What am I forgetting?

97 thoughts on “The Table of Contents”

  1. I would include some kind of “your body/yourself” around Chapter 4 as well (or make it part of that chapter). That chapter could also be called “What the heck am I supposed to wear?” at least for the women going back to work. :)All the standards talk about a 6-8 week recovery period, but no one says how that really feels. And there’s the fact that your body is still out of whack at that point. I remember feeling much better…less exhausted, but still exhausted, less fat, but still fat. And then there’s the whole issue of boob management.

  2. Love this. Thanks especially for including the part about making friends if you are going back to work. I had a hard time finding information for working moms.Maybe something specifically about sex and breastfeeding?

  3. I would love to see a chapter about dealing with going through it all a second time, with the addition of an older child–but maybe that is its own book!

  4. This is an ambitious and very much needed project! Thank you for taking it on, I swear I’m gonna buy a copy for every pregnant friend I have once it’s published. You are the best! And congrats! I think this is going to lead to exciting things for you. 🙂

  5. I agree w/Erin! I will be handing out copies to all my pregnant friends. Your blog was such a huge help to me when my son was going through sleep regressions and separation anxiety.

  6. Annika, definitely a second book!SarahB, yes about the body stuff. I feel like “9 months in/9 months out” doesn’t really sum it up effectively.
    Kari, yes. The going back to work stuff all seems to be about the logistics, too, not about the isolation.
    Thank you all!

  7. I don’t have any suggestions for things to include, but I’m having a rough time with my 17 month old right now and found myself looking through your TOC for this age and wishing I could read the book right now! 😉

  8. I haven’t thought through what else I’d expect to see in a focused way, but I think this is a great start. I have 2 pieces of feedback: 1) It’s not clear to me why chapters 23 & 24 are separate, esp the first bullet points for both seem pretty much the same. Either differentiate better or combine. 2) Food refusal comes up a couple times, but nothing about food introductions in the ballpark of 6 months. For us, the things that most colored that experience for us were a) the joys of making his food combined with b) his awesome reactions to each new food and c) my own anxiety due to many severe food allergies on both sides of our family which thankfully our son is not burdened by. I think overall, the variety of ways people handle food introductions and modern increase in food allergies warrant some discussion in your book.Going to read everyone else’s suggestions now!!

  9. Adding on to what the first commenter wrote: my chiropractor told me it takes 9 months for relaxin to totally get out of your system after your first baby–so really your musculo-skeletal system is still being held together by loosey-goosey ligaments for that long! No wonder we feel wonky at 4months!!!

  10. I think that this is such a wonderful idea – both to you writing a book, Moxie, and to this open way of doing it.I love the idea of including the “What’s next?” My kids are now nearly 4 and 6.5, and is it so different.
    I also think that this book will be good for me with my friends who have younger children. I don’t feel that I am good at remembering the details of the different stages, and I am wondering what the best way to be a good friend is. Honestly, so much of the early years seem so foggy to me! All I can say is, “Yes, it is really, really hard. It gets easier. You are doing a fab job, and my goodness, your teeny baby/hilarious 18 month old is utterly adorable!”
    After this, I can say all those things AND waft your book under their nose, and actually feel useful. 🙂

  11. The outline looks really good. There is SO MUCH stuff to talk about, and putting it in some sort of useful order is tough. (idea – for the e-edition, can you add hyperlinks within chapters to other relevant chapters or sections?)If not already planned, include some data or resources for pumping in the ‘feeding’ or the 3-month section for those nursing moms who are going back to work or WAH parents) – I’ve found that many moms start to feel inadequate at this point.
    It may be out of scope, but what about ‘sibling’ interaction (for those babies with older sibs OR multiples)?
    That’s all I got for now. Looks like an amazing resource and I think your next book should be the “F**ing Fours!”

  12. I think it would be more useful to have all the timeline stuff in a row at the beginning. Maybe starting with the We’re all in this together, then moving onto the timeline chapters. What I would do to make sure that people went to the appropriate discussion chapters as they need them is to have sidebars that bring up the discussion topics, briefly give some info about the topic (like sleep patterns, for example) and then tells you where to find the discussion chapter (see page XX). This would keep the timeline folks satisfied because they can find the info in a straight line in the first half of the book, but it also brings up issues by age and then points them to the appropriate discussion to help them through it. Remember how sleep deprived and stupid we were…I think readers need a straightforward map with pointers.Oh, and I would divide the discussion chapters into two groups too…the discussions on how to best deal with taking care of the baby, and discussions on taking care of yourself and your spouse.
    And maybe something about multiples? There are so many multiples today and a nod toward the challenges there would help a lot of people. Twin books mostly just talk about the physical things you deal with in pregnancy. I would be happy to give you some coping techniques we used when our twins were born. I’m sure other readers would too.
    As well, a chapter on how to cope when you already have one small one and along comes #2. I think there are a lot of issues and fears that people have when they will be dealing with more than one child.
    And lastly, a really good index!

  13. Great! When my daughter was born (31 years ago) I did not buy ONE book (that’s right, I didn’t read ANYTHING) I just followed my instincts (and doctor’s advice when it suited me.) My family couldn’t believe that I didn’t have a library of books! Your (proposed) book would have been one I could have used though.

  14. Wow, just wow. We are still trying to conceive so I dearly hope you stick to your timeline and this is ready for purchase before I need it! It looks amazing, and the crowdsourcing idea is brilliant.

  15. I want this book now! Looks great. I’m so glad that you’re talking about issues like worry, friendships and relationship/sex because those have all been issues for me I’ve had a hard time bringing up with people / not knowing if what I’m experiencing is normal, etc. etc. Can’t wait, go Moxie!

  16. i would love to see stuff in here that acknowledges non-traditional families, though i kind of hate the separate chapter, and would rather see — as i’m assuming you will do — examples and acknowledgements just woven through. ditto for adoption. many of the issues are the same, but not all of them.

  17. I would like to gently ask that you review your wording on cry it out methods and maybe try to be a little less harsh in the book than you are here on this site? In the main article you have on CIO, you call CIO cruel, which breaks my heart a little bit because I admire and rely on this website in so many other ways. We tried e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g under the sun to get our baby to sleep more than 90 minutes – two hours at night. When he was six and a half months old we did do a variation of a CIO method and two days later he was sleeping 4 – 5 hour chunks in his crib at night. CIO saved my marriage, my sanity, and my job. I understand that you may not ever be a fan of CIO, but when I think of my beloved Ask Moxie thinking that I was cruel to my baby, I get pretty sad. CIO did work for us, as a last resort, where other methods failed.

  18. I would include either a separate chapter or a section in chapter 2 about co-parenting–how to handle/resolve when you and your partner have different priorities or expectations or philosophies. (Comes up whether you are still in a relationship with your co-parent or not.) And, it doesn’t seem quite like co-parenting, nor does it seem to fit in with the “love and sex” chapter as you’ve outlined it, but what about that phenomenon of (temporarily, for most) totally hating and wanting to divorce your husband after you have a baby (and you think you’re the only one who feels that way until you start talking to other people, because in public people just talk about how much closer having a child has brought them)???

  19. I second the add info about introducing solids at 6 months. My son pretty much *refused* all until somewhere around 10-11 months when he started eating way better. It was very stressful for me in particular because I was nursing and working and pumping… and feeling like he was starving during the day was pretty rough. I’m sure it would be impossible to include all the possible medical issues in this book (as causes of sleep problems, etc.) but maybe you could just include the major/most common ones like food allergies, GERD, anemia, etc.In the worry section I would add GUILT and how to deal with it.
    Thank you Moxie, this is gonna be AWESOME. I think everyone is really excited, and it is sooo cool to know that we are all a part of it/in it together!

  20. hi hi-you are writing the book i said i wanted to write. which is great for you and maybe even better for me since now i don’t have to figure out how to do it!
    a wonderful resource on self-publishing is this tedtalk by jill salzman, founder of the founding moms. she self-published her first book on mom entrepreneurs and shares what she learned: http://booksbywomen.org/the-challenges-of-self-publishing-and-why-id-do-it-again-by-jill-salzman/
    good luck!

  21. One thing about the books that “can do no harm?” Could you also, kindly, please, maybe find a more loosey-goosey way of naming that section? I ask because I am That Person, who told that the WTE books are satan’s own invention and must to be avoided, have found that they are the *only* books that actually answer whatever questions that either of us have had. In contrast, I hope that when the violent feminist revolution comes, Dr. Sears will be the first to be taken out and shot. In other words, “can do no harm” is massively subjective.

  22. It would have really helped me to have you talk through all of the formula vs. breastfeeding/pumping bullshit that was making me an insane person when E was an infant. I had started a ridiciulous “manifesto” on my feelings on the whole situation, the anxiety I felt through 9 months of exclusive pumping, the judgment society seems to throw at you, etc. I know it’s a sensitive topic to tiptoe around, but someone caring and supportive saying, “Feed your child in the way that is the most loving and makes the most sense for you and your family; don’t kill yourself just because you think that’s the way you should be doing it” would have been immensely helpful to hear.

  23. I think this looks great. If I could make one suggestion is that I wish, if you have a chance, touch on PPD more as a range of post-partum disorders. PPD is important and the most common, but there’s also post-partum anxiety, OCD, and PTSD, for example.I was diagnosed with PTSD due to childbirth several years ago. In the months leading up to my PTSD diagnosis, I was wondering why I wasn’t feeling ok, but the self-tests for that most books/websites have didn’t match what I was experiencing because the tests were for PPD. I thought I was just being a wimp or something. I think it took me longer to realize that I wasn’t just being a wimp and seek help because I didn’t know there were other post-partum disorders. I wish I had had access to that possibility sooner.

  24. in the non-gaslight section, please include ‘preemies’ by mia doran. it saved my life.a word about how you might find yourself changing your mind about your parenting plans based on your actual baby might be nice. i had planned to be pretty crunchy & attachment-y and had a preemie on oxygen with an ileostomy and feeding tube. there went all wearing, nursing, feeding, cloth diapering plans, totally out the window. i really grieved for this, but the baby i had was the baby i had to parent.
    this will be a great book, moxie. you are the perfect author for your book. 😉

  25. i don’t have time to read the comments, so it’s possible that 953 people have already said this, but please include something about siblings and transitioning to two children. regardless of when it happens, i’m sure it has hallmarks that are the same. i think that’s an important element, even if it’s just something for parents to consider in those early years. (for me, it’s imminent, so…i’d like this book now, please. 🙂 )

  26. You really did me a world of good when you posted my question about not being delighted with being pregnant. Especially because I saw so much ambivalence about it from others. I think that it could use mentioning that the emotions around being pregnant don’t automatically mirror those about being a mom.I don’t think I ever told you, but my whole pregnancy was a total mental misery (physically it was great) but about 18 HOURS after ShortStack was born I went back to being myself, no PPD, no misery.

  27. Hedra certainly has been a huge contributor but I also would like to give you kind a blanket approval to use anything I’ve put on this site if it will help.

  28. Agree with @Anonforthisone. I think if you have a certain kind of child (ie. colic), sometimes you need to resort to more extreme measures to get them to sleep on their own. As well, a gentle suggestion that the TOC seem pretty ‘sleep heavy.’ Sleep tends to be a divisive topic, it would be nice of Moxie’s book could be a uniter, in the spirit of this blog!

  29. I second @marci about how your pre-imagined preferred parenting style may not fit your actual baby or family. I had planned on being a pretty AP parent, which was what I had heard was right (ahem, living in Ann Arbor), but turned out to have a baby who needed to be put down quite a bit to be happy. I couldn’t breastfeed the first one due to birth complications; we did CIO to save our sanity. We love our sons and have great relationships with them, but we had to pay close attention to what they and we needed, and it didn’t follow the expectations we had set in advance. Maybe this is covered in Ch. 2.Also agree with the organizational structure suggested by @kathleen.
    I feel so invested in your book, Moxie, because not only has this site provided me with good advice, it’s made me feel like there is this world of kind, smart moms (and dads) out there who generally think like I do (along a spectrum, to be sure) and would wish me well. Sometimes when the going gets tough I imagine you all out there working through the same issues with good will and intelligence and it’s a comfort.

  30. 1. Love the idea of putting the timeline stuff first.2. I’ll echo the suggestion of what to do wrt a new sibling on the horizon and immediately after the new baby shows up – I love the posts on your site around that topic.
    3. One I don’t see here (at least not directly), and is what brought me to AskMoxie in the first place – grandparents. How to deal with your parents as an adult, the grandparent role (esp the excellent stuff Hedra talks about), how to maintain your own boundaries when the grandparents want to do their own thing with your kid.
    4. Going back to work/finding childcare/pumping logistical type things would be helpful too, but maybe that’s a different book?
    So excited 🙂

  31. I agree that a section on how to manage different parenting approaches/philosophies with the other parent would be very helpful. And perhaps also some strategies for key single parent issues as well (as those particular challenges come up on Ask Moxie pretty regularly too). Unless I missed it, I feel like there needs tone something about teething and all that entails. It’s probably my own preoccupation, but I thought the sleep chapter should be more involved. I LOVE that you have a ‘your sleep’ section. I would also add in something about weaning and making the decision to wean (if, in fact your child has not already made the decision). Agree with the others on the chronology of the book (grouping all of the linear stuff together), a little à la Wonder Weeks. And lastly, I think you mentioned in yesterday’s post that you would include differing opinions/experiences on different topics, and I think this is key. For a parenting book to acknowledge that wildly opposing opinions on how to do something could both actually be valid, well, it would be a relevation. The only other parenting book I can think of that does this is Bed Timing. For me, the different points of view on any one subject is a big part of the Moxie experience. You’re off to a great start!

  32. books for young children in the appendix?pls consider adding a section on organizing!!! (home, time, balance of who does what now if there is a partner, how to have a rhythm that is not a stranglehold, how to pack the diaper bag the night before, how it is harder to run out to the store, and correspondingly, how to plan ahead for meals, diapers, milk, etc.)
    i love the sequence

  33. No suggestions from me but just wanted to say I am so happy to hear that you’re writing a book! It was so interesting that publishers want controversy – such a shame for parents. I read so many books as an anxious first time mother and they really did make me feel so much worse until I came across your blog and it literally saved my sanity and was so very helpful. I’ll definitely purchase your book for myself and for all my friends and will spread the word around Australia as much as I can. Congrats Moxie!

  34. I am so excited for this book! Thank you so much for talking about PPD, anger, worry, friends post-baby… all things that don’t get brought up enough in the vast majority of books. The only thing I would add is something for dads in the PPD section. My son is 6 months old and as I am still struggling with PPD, my husband has had a really rough time of it but felt like there is little to no support for new dads. Lots of stuff for new moms, but even conversations with friends revolve around how the baby and I are doing rather than how *he* is doing. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned through all this craziness, it’s that no matter what the issue is, I am not the only one going through it.Thank you again – your book is going to be so helpful for so many people.

  35. I’d love to see cultural expectations of motherhood mentioned (unless that will be embedded in the ‘different experiences/opinions’), and something on grandparent/in-law boundary setting. Given other comments, maybe a whole chapter on ‘family relationships’ – which could include spouse/co-parenting, sibling-in-law attitude, mother’s mom controls and boundaries, dealing with unsafe relatives, in-law boundary setting, how to keep relationships healthy when you are parenting differently than your parents did or siblings do (finding common ground, etc.).Ditto on the dads and PPD.
    In non-gaslight, include Mothering Multiples for multiples parents. (Not sure if you want to even mention multiples strategies in the book?)
    Also, for the ‘safe/respectful/kind’, let me know if you need any kind of signed paperwork on that (used with permission stuff). I know with publishing houses you have to cover all those bases, not sure on self-pub. Glad you’re including that, since the manuscript I started on that is … er, gathering electronic dust in my computer. I can’t picture me picking it back up again for another five years at least. (Feel free to quote from my blog on that, if you want, too. Not sure what your format/style will be, in terms of quotes or restating…)

  36. Dude, as long as you include sleep by any means necessary and info about half year disequilibrium this book will be golden. Both ideas were game changers for me (says the woman who is currently dealing with sudden excessive clinginess of a suddenly four and a half year old).Oh, I hadn’t even thought of it – but I do like the idea in other comments of briefly touching on the fact that if you had an emergency type birth to look out for PSTD. It wouldn’t have to be huge, but it could be hugely helpful to someone who doesn’t even know that’s a possibility.

  37. Might have missed this if someone already posted, but maybe mention something about it changing your relationship with your parents and how some parents may see your choices as rebuffing theirs, etc.Also, can you please please please put at least one line in there about how if these things aren’t working and your baby seems extra awful, that there might be some underlying medical cause? And to trust your instinct. Oh, and when choosing a pediatrician, especially as a first-time parent, you might want to pick one that has children of their own…you know, so that they don’t say something like, “well, maybe your six month old is trying to drop his naps and you might just want to go with it.”

  38. This looks like a fabulous book! I’m sure you’ll mention it, but the advice I find myself telling new moms over and over is “TRUST YOURSELF. YOU are the expert on your baby.” There are SO many parenting books out there. They all contradict and so many people feel like if they don’t do things exactly like the book says then nothing will work. This lines up with previous comments about parenting shifts to fit the child you have. There are lots of things I changed from my imagined view of parenting. There are things I also changed when I got a second kid with a completely different personality! Things that worked with the first no longer worked. So I had to trust myself. I wish more parents felt empowered to trust themselves.I totally agree on the whole body – I’m still fat- section someone else mentioned including. I’m pregnant with number 3. The thing I cried the most about when I found out was the thought that breastfeeding (which I plan to do again) will mean another year of choosing clothes that have boob access. Those clothes are rarely cute. Sigh. Clothing was always the most depressing thing for me with my kids. You don’t want to spend a fortune on a wardrobe you only wear for a few months, but the clothes you have suck or don’t work. And somehow every other mom looks put together.
    Introducing new foods was the other area I hated. I felt there was nothing my kids could eat (more i was just bored) And there’s that awkward stage between much and real food where you have to find things they can actually chew. Blah! And I had a premie with an aversion to things going in her mouth (the spoon) and I was beside myself trying to figure out why she wouldn’t eat.

  39. May The Muse be with you all summer on this ambitious timeline! You are the woman to do this, maybe even The Best Parent For Your (book) Baby?So maybe this is mean when you’re this far in, in which case please disregard. But I wonder if your content is more suited to a topical TOC as opposed to a Timeline as you have it now? With the chapters having their own internal timeline? So as an example, Sleep: Killing You Softly for At Least Fifteen Months; 1 – 6wks; 6wks – 4.5m; 5m – 9m; etc. It’s how my own brain works, so surely it’d work for the whole rest of the world?
    And just in case you don’t know any people crazy about punctuation and sentence structure, please add me to your list of potential beta readers.
    Can’t, can’t wait… and cheering you on from this corner of Canada.

  40. May I just say how excited I am for your book! I have a dear friend who is TTC at age 40 and if her IVF efforts are successful, your book will be the first gift I buy her. I found your site invaluable during my Foo’s infancy (and now!) and have recommended you to friends countless times over the years. You have the best commenters of any site I follow and I’ve learned so much from all of them as well. Best of luck to you, wholeheartedly.

  41. This is going to be a great book, especially as I’ve been thinking that trusting myself as a parent is the thing that is hardest for me and probably so many others.I remember you once mentioned how common it is for moms to read parenting books and ask their husbands to read them, and their husbands won’t. I was so relieved to hear it wasn’t just us – but it got me thinking that you might want a section on why people should buy your book and where it fits with all the parenting books we might otherwise buy.
    I can’t find your past discussions on the LIFO approach, FIFO approach, TQM, or low-hanging fruit methods of decision-making but I’m looking forward to seeing htem in the book as this is the other issue that haunts my parenting: feeling like we don’t have a guiding principle… which means, in the end, after I buy it I will want my husband to read this too! 🙂

  42. How exciting that this is happening! This site has been a safe haven for me as I navigated infancy and the beginning of the toddler years. Can’t wait to see the book!

  43. I’m so excited! I’m definitely buying the book, even though Im on my third baby (5mo)–and last. I wish I had your book before I conceived the first time, but life turned out OK…for now. We’ll see when I go back to work full-time and my husband gets super-busy in September. Who will make dinner? is our million dollar question.

  44. This looks fantastic! I think the part about friendships will be really interesting and a valuable contribution. It really took me by surprise how much my friendships changed, and not in ways that I would have expected.I agree that a section on siblings would be very helpful.
    I’m not sure if anyone mentioned this already, but a short section about your own relationship with your parents/your kid’s grandparents would be incredibly valuable to me (and aren’t you just writing this book for me?). 🙂 Both my husband and I were thrown off a bit by how many issues came up for us with our own parents after the baby came. I feel like you could address this topic in a really wonderful way, just in terms of giving people a heads up of the range of issues they might face.
    I can’t wait to read it!

  45. Just a thought: what about a “choose your own [parenting] adventure” style appendix? I think sometimes I was able to wade through long chapters of information because a) I was spending hours bfing twins and b) I read quickly. My hubby, however, didn’t have those two “advantages” so I was often left to translate books for him. I think if there was a “if your child is 4 months and not sleeping go to page 78, if your child is 4 months and you want to jump off a bridge go to page 106” maybe the sleep deprived/slow reader/frustrated Dad subgroup may find it helpful! I can’t wait to buy this book…sign me up for a dozen copies!!!

  46. Amen to what @electriclady said about developing relationship troubles in otherwise healthy relationships once a new baby comes home. It helped me to read @Hedra’s thoughts on “Survival Mode” the first year a new baby or child is brought into a home.non-gaslighty relationship reads: “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix and “The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work” by Joh Gottman et al.
    Also amen to @Emily’s point about “how common it is for moms to read parenting books and ask their husbands to read them, and their husbands won’t.”
    Go @Moxie!

  47. I’d like to second all the comments on getting to know the baby to determine parenting. I thought I’d have my baby in a crib in the nursery, but he is spirited/fussy/High needs so I ended up more on the ap side of things than I could’ve ever imagined while pregnant.

  48. Also, could you in all caps/bold somewhere state that if a method says do it from day 1 or it won’t work means it probably doesn’t work ever! Thanks

  49. I was recommended to your blog as a “safe” place were folks don’t get overly judgmental and have found that to be true. Thank you.My recommendation is to add something about finding a good fit pediatrician, our first one was not so much I have high hopes for this next one.
    Also I know it is controversial, but perhaps if presented as range of approaches to the vaccine issue.

  50. Hi Moxie,I LOVE that you’re writing a book. It’s a fantastic idea. However, I have some questions about who is the audience for the book.
    Maybe this is just me, but I’ve come to askmoxie time and again because I was struggling. Really struggling. Other websites’ advice was geared toward “normal” babies and just didn’t work with my first baby. On askmoxie I’ve found support, advice, and hope that things will get better (quickly followed by another crappy regression :).
    I joined a playgroup when my first baby was 6 weeks old and am still good friends with the other moms. But I never felt like I could relate to their experiences in the first two years because my baby was so much fussier, needier, and intense. So like many moms with “challenging” babies, I turned to askmoxie. Based on the comments, I suspect that many of the readers feel like me – either struggling because their baby is challenging or because they’re dealing with own emotional issues (PPD, etc).
    I don’t feel like askmoxie.com is geared towards the average mom-baby pair. Many, many babies don’t have sleep regressions or problems at 13 & 18 months. Many new moms are doing really well from 6 months on. When those lucky moms are having problems, they tend to get advice from “vanilla” websites like parents.com. I’m not sure that an askmoxie book would work for them.
    I’d really like to hear what other askmoxie readers think. If nothing else, the book needs a long and detailed section on challenging babies and feeling different from other new moms.
    P.S. Book references: Wonderweeks was a giant no, unfortunately. I wanted to love it, but gave up after a few months with baby #2. It was just too repetitive. Bedtiming is a much better book on baby development, and the sleep section was crazy helpful for baby #2.

  51. This book is exactly what I never knew I wanted/needed. I’ve been a huge fan of Ask Moxie since I googled “4 month old won’t sleep at night” almost four years ago.I’d love to see something regarding second babies or sibling rivalry.
    In response to @Mom of 2… My first was fairly average, and I used Moxie as a resource constantly. And I mean constantly; reading all the archives, checking the site everyday, referring other people to the site, quoting commenters (especially Hedra). What I found here was something I didn’t find at any “vanilla” website, a place where I could be reassured that my son was, in fact, within the range of average… That I wasn’t the only one having these experiences and tough times with my ‘average’ baby… and most importantly, all advice and opinions were given by intelligent, caring people with little (if any) judgment or harsh tones. It is a Community and one that I would be proud to be a part of in real life. Honestly, especially in those early years, I felt kind of like these people were friends. They were there in the middle of the night for me offering advice and encouragement when I was up for a hour with my perfectly normal baby… So, in conclusion, I think every single parent out there could benefit from an Ask Moxie book. No matter how “normal” a baby is, you worry and question if they are, you make mistakes and feel guilty, you have relationship issues with your significant other, you have hormonal changes that make you feel crazy, you suddenly have a tiny being in your care and have no clue what to do with them. Having a voice, a rational, non-judgemental voice, telling you that you are a good parent (when there are a million people/books/websites/tv shows/news reports telling you what you are doing will ruin your child forever) is something that EVERYONE can benefit from. That being said, I don’t think a chapter on challenging babies would be a bad idea… Especially since my second is way tougher (but I don’t worry too much because I know from Ask Moxie experience that challenging babies are normal too 🙂 ).

  52. OMG, I love Wendy’s idea.And I CANNOT WAIT to buy like 20 of these books. PLEASE offer a way to send as a gift when ordering online. I’ve discovered that many small vendors don’t do this, and I just don’t have the time/inclination to have gifts sent to me and then resend to the giftee.
    Or, maybe this is just all electronic and this is a moot request?

  53. I know a few people have mentioned they want the chronological stuff all together, but I think the way you have it laid out is perfect. I think topics need to be by the chapters they are most relevant to. I’m a read-the-book-straight-through person and can’t stand flipping around.

  54. I’m sorry if this is a repeat, but I’ve been trying to read the post and comment for a few days and I just didn’t have time to read all the comments.At any rate, I hope you include something at the beginning about releasing your preconceived notions about how you’ll parent when reality conflict with said notions. I feel like that is something that is super hard for a lot of people.
    Also, I know it might require a whole separate book, but it would be nice to have a little something about the transition from one to two (or more children).
    Finally, it adds work for you, of course, but it would be helpful to have explanations of why different books are helpful or not in the appendix of books that do no harm. For example, the Sears books can be helpful, but only if you take them with a handful of salt so you know you’re not a failure if you put your baby down every now and again…

  55. Something on choosing care providers would be great (pediatrician but even more so, daycare). Daycare could be a whole separate book but something in the “back to work” section would be good.

  56. It’s been said in the comments already but please please include stuff about adding another baby. For us, the newborn stuff has been relatively predictable the second time around, but the social dynamics with the older sibling has us weeping. And I haven’t really found honest, thorough, good advice in this area (but maybe that’s because I’m too busy to search too deep, I dunno)I’ll buy it! This book will be such a fantastic resource for so many parents.

  57. Firstly….21 months = better sleep….PLEASE tell me more. As a parent of a 20 month old cr*ppy sleeper, reading this is getting me very excited.Chapter 4:
    The reality of a newborn vs. media images – ie some newborns need to be held/worn constantly meaning you will spend most of your time feeding and holding bubs in the early days vs. the media image of mom and dad cheerfully out to brunch with bubs peacefully sleeping in stroller.
    Chapter 4:
    Breastfeeding: the grieving process when breastfeeding does not work out as expected. I had/have unexplained low supply and it meant I’ve always had to supplement. For me there was a huge grieving process associated with not being able to b/f exclusively.
    Chapter 10:
    Starting solids – discussion of different approaches: purees, baby lead weaning. Discussion of what many “starting solids” books advise vs. the reality of feeding a baby ie many books cheerfully say “offer your baby something 20 times and eventually they will eat it”…not my son, when he doesn’t like something it doesn’t matter how many times I offer it – he won’t eat it. Discussion of some of the myths/beliefs that may cause personal angst, such as the idea that if you introduce fruits before veggies your kiddo will never eat a single vegie in their life, the idea that their eating habits in the first year of life determine how they will eat for the rest of their life. Basically a discussion of normal kiddo habits…ie being picky and refusing foods no matter what you do – kids have their own food preferences and cannot be forced or persuaded to eat what they don’t want to eat.
    Something about life as a work-outside-home-mom, and stay-at-home-mom. I don’t mean a “who has it harder” argument, but some examples of how moms following each track are likely to feel – ie work outside home moms have to juggle more and may feel guilty for not being around bubs, but have more adult interaction and sense of personal achievement. Stay at home moms get to spend more hands on time with bubs, but experience day to day boredom and lack of adult company. Some honest examples of what moms feel on each type of track.

  58. I would just like to echo what Marta said about nontraditional families and that they belong in the text, not in their own chapter. And like Marta, I’m sure that’s exactly what you’ll do. 🙂

  59. you will have to wait until after your bankruptcy has been digahcrsed before you can apply for any kind of a loan but your interest rate will be high if the bank will give you a loan at all some might not it depends on what bank you try to get a loan from

  60. The sad thing is a lot of car dealers have their own fanincing and advertise dealing with people who file bankruptcy but why take the risk of getting in trouble again? Why not shop around for a good used car from an individual? In my state if you buy a car from an individual that’s 7 years or older you don’t pay a vehicle tax. Check with your town and local DMV on this. Go for something that’s been inspected and taken care of, get the motor vehicle report to check for it’s history before you buy. GOOD LUCK and PEACE.Vin

  61. I’m finally here! My human is hlpeing me do this comment using her new software that types for her as she speaks, so she can rest her arms from her RSI – it’s not bad,huh? But it does still make mistakes and my human has to keep stopping to correct it so it’s a bit annoying and very slow – it takes us double the time to do the same thing! So please excuse any funny words or spellings in my comment!That sounds like a lovely book! What a beautiful picture on the cover!Slobbers,Honey the Great Dane

  62. by the way, refering to PP stuff, do you know how many Maro Mayu vouelms are out?i only got a raw version on the first one (i dont get a word they say but i still downloaded it) but time ago i saw on a japanese webpage what seemed like the Vol 2 cover. The G-Fantasy webpage also shows what i think is behoimi manga’s first volume, but i only have 6 chapters.

  63. Hmm yeah I heard about these, but no idea on volumes and such. Was very inteeestrd in reading both Kurumi’s and Behoimi’s spin of manga, but havnt had any luck in finding them. I saw Maro Mayu was being done as a joint here and with the waffle house, but I guess none of it was ever translated? :SOh, and good to see you’re still about Achrmaeiad

  64. It’s never too late to start reaidng, my dove. Any more than it would be too late to start reaidng Sailor Twain. I’m not sure if I can release it in another format due to it being based on a Disney property. But I’ll keep you in the loop if I do.

  65. McNair Academic High School, Jersey City chapter is spnnsoriog Quote of the Day to celebrate Reading Month during the month of March. Faculty, students, staff are submitting favorite quotes from books that they have enjoyed reading. Quotes are read in the morning as part of the daily announcements and then posted on the bulletin board in the Library.

  66. Cococrash11 / Maybe there aren’t in Real Japanese School but in Freezing a fictional world they do. No ofsnfee but if you had read the entire Freezing Chapters you would have known that the Manga mention 4th years a lot of times. For example they mention it in Chapter 25 to 27. The character that are 4th year are Milena Marius. You can look at Wikipedia to see if I’m wrong.

  67. / Have 4th year students of Genetics ever been meienontd? I dont think so. Schools in Japan (and Korea? Not sure on that one) have 3 year high schools. 1st years are Freshmen, 2nd years are Juniors, and 3rd years are Seniors, in terms of equivalency to european and american schools.

  68. / I’ll make sure Vexed is aware of this in the future he hasn’t been tinrslatnag Freezing from the beginning, and I hadn’t worked on it back then around chapter 25, so we simply missed that fact and left it under the assumption that its the usual Japanese-style 3 year education.

  69. My son would never ever have shared an ear bug of his mp3 peaylr with me or anybody else.usually he never had any problems sharing things with other kids or other people but there was something about those ear bugs. I never found out.

  70. H_Dogma / Haha i know what u mean After cleaning and reeilsang, i started reading the new chaps and i was like omg gogogo xD and then nooeess need to work on the nect chaps asap XDD

  71. Z010 / I checked the site this mnroing and I felt the same glee as finding that lost 20 dollar bill in the couch when you been eating top ramen for 2 days straight :DAwesome effort lads!

  72. My favorite triiatdon is .. Ever since we moved to our new home five years ago we have a big family cookout. Our whole family is invited, and we BBQ, for lunch, and then everyone brings a dish for dinner. We play pool games and create silly games like this year for example we had a Pool Olympics Its a blast. Then we all change into our regular clothes and head over to this park by my house where they have a fantastic fire work show. This year my grandma had the strength to make it out too, and we sat on the grass in an open field away from all the crowds, and shared a night that I dont think any of us will forget. This 2009 4th of July was the best one ever, one I will never forget. We started a new triiatdon though, of a group picture during the fireworks.

  73. Jo Posted on Kai, I loved this story! I am so glad I met you in my living room, ;-), and got cuoruis as to what you were up to now. You are such an amazing source of inspiration and have such a beautiful spirit.This story was great. While I can easily get in a car and drive across country and have some excellent reflective moments, I’d never do it without music, staying in a tent, or not speaking! Wow. The outcome was amazing. I call that a spiritual experience. I always try to listen to my gut, because it talks to me. Sometimes I forget to listen. What a great story to remind us all to keep in tune.

  74. I guess our tradition is to watch fkrrwoeis on the back deck which faces Lake Washington the past serveral years the fkrrwoeis shows have been getting more and more elaborate the gathering for a family barbeque and then the clammoring for a chair that has the choice view in front (the seats are all good!) I do remember one year as a child (maybe 6 years old?) and being told that I couldn’t leave the dinner table to watch fkrrwoeis until I ate my salad (with peas) .sadly that year I missed the show because I fell asleep on the chairs

  75. Like Mom of 2, I think your site was the one place of solace for me with my super fussy, non-sleeping, colic-until-9-months first born. I had some very dark days in that first year (is there such a thing as colic-induced PPD?) and your site had such great advice and great community that helped me feel less guilty about not loving the early motherhood experience. We all survived and everyone is great now, 5 years later, but I think a little advice for mothers of babies with colic would go a long way.

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