Is it ok to post pictures of other people’s kids on the internet?

Yesterday I ended up in a conversation with a stranger on Facebook in which she said that she took pictures of her kids and their friends at events like her kids' birthday parties and posted them on Facebook for her friends to see.

I was gobsmacked that she'd assume that it was ok to post pictures of other peoples' kids without their permission. She replied that she posted them to "Friends only" so it was fine because she knew everyone who was seeing those photos.

But what about the fact that the kids whose faces are in those photos (and the parents of those kids) don't know all the people who can see them?

She said that if I objected to having photos of my kids up on Facebook I could let the parents know and the parents would have the choice of whether or not to invite my kids to their birthday parties.

I'm stunned by all of this. It would never in a million years occur to me that someone else would put a photo of my kids on their Facebook page without my permission, or would act as if I was infringing on their rights by asking not to have pictures of my kids on Facebook.

I don't even know how to assess this situation. Am I extraordinarily conservative? Or is she taking extreme liberties?

Thoughts?

133 thoughts on “Is it ok to post pictures of other people’s kids on the internet?”

  1. Personally, I think this whole ” something it’s going to happen because my kid’s picture is on the internet” idea is totally overblown, so I don’t have any problems with friends posting pictures. In fact, we usually do to show each other how cute they are being at the time. I would of course refrain if I knew someone who objected, but I don’t. I would not feel the need to ask every parent whose kid happened to end up in the frame (and most likely only on the sidelines, since my focus is on my kids).

  2. I might be naive, but I guess I don’t understand what bad thing could happen if someone sees my daughter’s picture at a birthday party on FB. How is this different from kids being photographed for the local newspaper at a parade or filmed in their classroom on MLK day and shown on the local news? I think that if someone asked me not to post b-day party pictures (or whatever) I would definitely comply, but I honestly wouldn’t think to ask a bunch of parents for permission. I think my friends would think I was weird for even asking. Maybe I’m missing something, though.

  3. I do this with group photos of nursery school outings etc. I tag all the parents of the children so that they can remove the tags if they want to, and I never put anyone’s full name up. When I post photos of my kids with other kids (at dance class recital, for instance), on my Flickr account, I don’t name the kids at all.I think that’s a reasonable amount of caution, but I’m open to persuasion that I’m doing something terrible, if you really think so. If someone asked me to take a photo down, I would of course do that.

  4. I’m with you. I don’t know why but I am just not comfortable having my kids’ faces and names out there. Even if I were okay with it, I would never assume that other people were and wouldn’t in a million years ever consider posting a photo of someone else’s kid without their permission.

  5. In this day and age, I don’t think it is safe to assume that everyone who posts pics to FB will ask permission. They SHOULD, but they don’t. I think it is your responsibility as a parent to let people know that you don’t want pictures of your kids posted on FB. It would be really insane if they acted like this caused them a problem. I can’t imagine not getting a party invite because of it!Personally I don’t care if my kids’ pictures are posted and I only ask permission from people who don’t have FB or who never post pics of their kids.

  6. I wouldn’t name someone else’s kid on FB, but if I post a picture of my kid and there are other, unnamed kids in the shot (a group photo, or in the background), I wouldn’t think it was problematic. Even unnamed, I wouldn’t post shots of other children alone (like, I don’t know, a series of portraits of my kid’s friends or something), but as part of an action shot of my kid having fun at a birthday party with a bunch of other kids having fun, I don’t seea problem.

  7. Most of my friends on facebook and I never both to ask and I’m fine with it. However, friends who do not have facebook and therefor wouldn’t know that their kids’ picture was there, NEVER without permission. Also, when I bother to blog, I never post pictures of my friends, family, or their children without letting them know that I plan on doing it and giving the opportunity to choose not to be included.

  8. Maybe this is an age issue? My kids go to plenty of birthday parties where we’re not friends with the families (the kids know each other but the parents don’t). So it really feels like a stranger posting pictures of my kids on FB. Obviously it’s different if it’s your actual friends, but for someone you really don’t know?Janet, the difference is that the newspaper and the school are required by law to ask permission before posting pictures of your kid publicly with identifying info. You get the chance to say No.

  9. Moxie, that’s a good point about the ages of the kids involved. My kids are 4 and 6 and so never really go anywhere that I don’t know the parents reasonably well. I don’t know that I would feel quite as flexible if they were 10 and it was the parents of some kid they know from school but aren’t good enough friends with that I know the parents beyond saying hi to.

  10. It might be an age issue. As my daughters get older I find I am far more careful about where I post their pictures, and whether their friends are in the pictures or not. If I am friends with the parents — or, say, it’s my sister’s kids — I’ll post the pic to a filtered Facebook group because I already know everyone is good with that. If I have a picture, like several I took at the school carnival last week, where my nine-year-old daughter and her friends are in it, I won’t post it because I don’t necessarily know the parents of those kids, and I wouldn’t assume it’s ok with them that their kid’s picture is on the internet.

  11. I guess my question is about “posting pictures of your kid publicly with identifying info.” It doesn’t sound like the woman you were talking to *is* identifying the kids at all, beyond the fact that they are friends with her kid. This is *really* common practice among my FB friends. Also common–though not something I do, or really even understand–is tagging the kids with one or both of the parents’ names, as Christine mentioned above.

  12. I would not post a picture of s kid I didn’t know, because I always think of things like…what if there is a crazy ex out there wois trying to track this family down and kidnap the kid? Etc. I am paranoid. You never know somebody else’s situation. However, just because I wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean I think others wouldn’t. If I were the parent trying to keep my kids faces off the web for whatever reason, i would NEVER just assume people wouldn’t post photos. I think it’s standard operating procedure these days to throw everything on Facebook and if I wanted something different it’s my responsibility to say something.

  13. I think if someone’s kid is in the background of a picture I’m taking of my kid, and I don’t identify the kid when I post the pic online, it’s fair game — as long as we’re all in a public space and I wasn’t hiding the fact that I was taking pictures. That said, if a parent ever asked me not to post his or her kid’s picture online, I’d comply.

  14. It depends. If it was a birthday party and I was showing kids in the background? yeah, that’s okay. Or like my daughter’s skating video. The girl ahead of her is getting off the ice.If it is just random photos, no, I would try to ask permission first.
    But this is me…

  15. I think parenting in the Facebook-era is a new thing and we are all learning the ropes as we go along. We have no manual for this type of thing, so we need to be aware and respectful of other people’s wishes.That being said, I personally am very into internet privacy and believe the norm should be no posting of other people’s kids without permission. This stuff just doesn’t go away, and even if it harmless like a 5-year-old’s birthday party…it still never goes away.

  16. I haven’t even thought of that!My facebook is Close friends and family only and the pictures I post I choose to whom I’ll share them. I never saw a problem with it.
    I have a cousin who doesn’t want any picture of her kids on the internet so those pics I sent her directly to her e-mail, but she always sends a reminder before any party so we can consider her wishes.

  17. In a word, “NO.” I don’t care WHAT your philosophy is, they are MY children. If you want to post pictures of them FOR WHATEVER REASON, ask me.We could be in the witness protection program for all they know.
    But usually, for the “cluelessly inclined,” I simply say that it’s out of respect for their birthmothers. And that usually makes them say: “OH.” And then sometimes, “Why?” To the which I reply, that our birthmothers didn’t TELL their families about being pregnant. And if someone saw someone who looked like them online, they might question it.
    But really? If I simply say: “Please don’t post pictures of my kids on facebook.” THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH.
    End of story.

  18. Oh, I HATE when people do this! And it doesn’t matter that only your close friends can see it – if they comment, or even ‘Like’ the album or a picture in the album, all THEIR friends can see the pictures and often the entire album. That’s an average of 150 1st level friends, their 150 friends each – that’s 22500 random strangers on the internet who can see my child’s picture, download it onto their computers, run google searches or other image matching searches. The internet is a BIG place and most people still don’t know how to use the privacy settings on their social media well enough for me to trust them with my children’s images.So yeah, hell no. I’m totally with you. I wish people would ask before putting up these pictures!

  19. Is it something special about the internet or do you feel the same way if someone puts pictures of your child in a photo album that they then show to other people? Is it something about photos or do you feel the same way if someone relates a story about your children to other people? Or posts something cute your kid says on Facebook?Everyone is entitled to draw their boundaries in their own way, but I’m having a hard time understanding what the actual concern is and why it is more problematic for someone else to post a photo that my son is in than for me to post funny stories about him.
    But for what it’s worth about my own personal boundaries: I would think it was weird to post a picture that was solely of a child not my own, but I would have no hesitation about posting photos with other kids in group shots or in the background. I would NOT tag the kid’s parents in the photo because associating a name to a face feels iffy to me, although I don’t have any good reason for that. If a parent asked me to remove a photo I would respect their wishes, but I would probably mock them for being paranoid while I was doing it.

  20. I’m with you, Moxie, but I think we’re in the minority. I think the current norm is that it’s fine to post pics of other people’s kids on FB. In my experience, the parents who are less comfortable with it are those of us (like Moxie and me) who started parenting before social media and photo sharing. (My kids are 6, 8, and 10.) I also hope that people use discretion–like not posting pics from pool parties– and I would have no qualms about asking a friend to take down a photo if I had concerns.

  21. If anyone ever told me not to post pictures of their kids, I would be surprised, but of course I would comply. It would never occur to me to ask permission before posting a picture. In my mind, the downsides (in terms of actual dangers, not parents being unhappy) are so infinitesimally small, it just doesn’t seem like something worth worrying about.In my circle of friends, many (including me) post pictures of our kids with their friends, and tag the parents of the kids. This is so that the parents (friends on FB) will notice the pictures. Many people then repost photos with their own kids. The main purpose of FB for me and for many of my friends is to share info about our kids with far-away family members.

  22. I would never post a photo of someone else’s kid without permission (though as someone else noted, I might do so if they were in the background of a picture of my kid, or if it was a *close* friend’s kid). That said, I don’t think there’s any harm in strangers seeing photos of my children–it’s really just a privacy/control issue for me.

  23. I generally don’t post pictures of other people’s kids. When I do I don’t put any identifying information in the tags or anything and if the parent saw it and wanted to take it down I would take it down right away. I have had other people post pics of my kids online and I am totally fine with it but I understand that others might not feel the same way.

  24. People put my kids on facebook all the time and I hate it. Not because I am worried about internet safety, but because I don’t want facebook owning pics of my kids.

  25. Laura makes a good point. I started blogging (first infertility, and then adoption) 10-12 years ago when people still regularly locked their *Diaryland* sites. And a lot of parenting friends at that time would only post non-identifying pictures of their kids on their sites. So that was the norm I started with. My friends who have had kids more recently seem far more open about posting kid pictures, both publically and on sites like Facebook where, nominally, we can control access.

  26. Wow, I had NO IDEA that this was an issue. Like many previous posters, I post pics of birthday parties and include shots of other kids — and tag the parents if we are FB friends. Never occurred to me to ask, because, as others have said, it’s common practice in our circles. And it would be fine with me if other parents did the same w/ pictures of my kid (who is 6).Obviously, if someone asked me not to post pics of their kid, I wouldn’t… but I’d be taken aback a little bit. I just don’t see what harm will come of it.
    Also, to Takshaka: There is a way to change your FB settings so that friends of people you tag can NOT see your photos. That’s the option I typically choose.

  27. I think FB would be the only place I would post pictures of other kids but I never name them. I have my FB on pretty secure lock down which is why I would maybe post pics of other kids.Other areas (twitter, blog, flickr) I always block/blur out the other kids unless I have permission and it’s almost always pics of kids of other bloggers who already post images of their kids online. And, again – I don’t used real names.
    When others post pics of my kid on FB I untag and request they don’t use names.

  28. My husband and I both are sensitive to this and we don’t post pictures of other people’s children on FB without asking their permission first. I would hope that others would extend the same courtesy to us, but I am sure that some of my daughter’s friends, whose parents I don’t know, may have done it. We also do not use their real names online. If someone says something about my kid on FB and uses their whole name, I remove it immediately and remind them that we prefer to not use their whole names online.As far as camera crews etc., you have to sign a waiver when your child goes to school saying whether or not they have permission to photograph/film your child. You can always say no.

  29. I only have one friend who has expressed any concern about her son’s face appearing in a picture with one of my kids (they’re very good friends). She only asked that I not tag the pictures. Since then, I don’t tag pictures of anyone else’s kids if they appear in my pics.99% of my pictures contain my kids’ faces only, because, truthfully, I’m not that interested in taking pictures of other people’s kids. But when my son has his arm slung around his best friend, yeah, I take the picture. And generally post it. I’m not concerned about this, probably because my kids are little and anywhere they are where pictures are being taken, I am.
    My friend’s aftercare program takes pics and posts them (I assume with the parents’ permission). This seems more problematic for the ultra-cautious, since it’s linking a face with a place.
    But then, I think the risks of predators finding my kids via Facebook are extremely small (if that’s what concerns people).

  30. If you’re not comfortable with it, you’re not comfortable with it. It seems irrelevant whether someone else would be comfortable with the same thing or what they think your reaction should be. That said, if it’s second nature to them, they might not think to ask you. But of course they should follow your request once you make it! And to suggest that it means your children shouldn’t be invited to parties is honestly just horrendous. I can’t imagine your friends would follow that, and I can’t imagine you’d want to be friends with someone who would.

  31. What Alex just said.It’s not about YOU. It’s about the feelings and requests of another child’s parent. Just respect it without judgement, and honestly? Get over yourself. It’s NOT ABOUT YOU.
    And if someone said that they wouldn’t invite my kid to their parties because i asked them not to post pictures of them on the internet? It’s obviously someone with whom I wouldn’t mesh in the first place, so I’d have o problem saying sure, no problem. I’ll be happy to not have my child attend your child’s birthday party.
    It’s pretty black and white. If a parent says “please don’t…” then don’t.

  32. I have never posted a picture of anyone else’s kid on on Facebook, and I don’t think I would. I have posted pictures of my nieces and nephew on flickr, though, which is more public. Their parents see those pictures, so if they objected, I would remove them right away, but they haven’t said anything.On the other hand, I have had friends post pictures of my young kids on facebook (and tag them), as part of pictures of an event, and I didn’t mind. The owner of the daycare my son goes to also regularly posts pictures of my son on her facebook page, and while I actually like it and enjoy seeing the pictures, I was a little surprised she didn’t ask permission. I do like that she doesn’t tag them and it would give me pause if she did tag them, perhaps because there are so many of them.
    And then, to take this one step further, my daughter’s school has a picture of her on their website. I don’t mind that, either, and they didn’t ask permission. My son’s daycare DID ask permission about putting a picture of him on their website, and I gave permission. I know some other parents didn’t.
    Clearly, I don’t get very worked up about pictures of my kids on the internet. I absolutely respect someone else’s right to, though, and I’m sensitive to the fact that people might not like it, so don’t do it myself.

  33. I feel like what makes debates like this difficult are the unspoken judgments and feelings that accrue in the background. In theory, neither position seems like a big deal to me. Although one can certainly dream up hypothetical situations in which having a kid’s picture online led to something tragic, or even simply awkward, the situations described so far are really, really unlikely — so I wouldn’t blink at parents who choose to disregard them, or to whom they simply never occur. By the same token, *not* posting pictures of someone else’s kids (by cropping them out, or choosing another shot, whatever) isn’t exactly a hardship, so there’s no reason in the world not to honor such a request without feeling like the other family can no longer be part of your life. And asking first is certainly a good habit in any case, though I can see how one might make assumptions based on general practice.Easy-peasy. Except: what the other mom is hearing when you say you don’t want pictures of your kids on Facebook is, “You have terrible judgment as a parent. You’re endangering your kids and others’ because your such an idiot.” So she responds in a way that communicates, “You’re an overprotective, judgmental a**hole, and I don’t want you in my life.”
    So to me the challenge is how we can have these kinds of conversations without triggering those emotional responses. Parents who don’t like photos of their kids online could begin by acknowledging (even just to themselves) that we all do things every day that put our kids at much more likely risks (driving, say), and that we do so because the risks are either small enough to disregard or worth incurring. Parents who would like to post photos online could begin by acknowledging that all parents have their own comfort levels, and that learning to accept others’ decisions without interpreting them as a judgment on our own choices is the only way to be a sane and happy human being. Once that’s in place, the etiquette will hopefully take care of itself: asking permission is perhaps ideal, but so, too, is politely and promptly responding to any requests for removal.

  34. I think this is something worth writing a serious article about – reasons why people might not want you to post their child’s picture on the internet.I’m very firmly in the camp of not caring at all, and I really wouldn’t have thought twice about posting a picture on Facebook with other kids in the background. In my wonderfully safe and ordinary little world, nothing bad can possibly come of it. Yet reading the comments here, I can see all sorts of reasons to avoid doing this sort of thing – especially given the way Facebook makes you feel like you’ve posted things in a very private forum, to be seen only by certain select people, and then with a simple button click those people can wind up sharing them with a much larger audience (totally unintentionally!).

  35. I often post pictures to Facebook and Flickr of other people’s kids (usually with my own, but occasionally alone if they are close friends or family); it has never occurred to me to ask permission beforehand, although I do make sure that no full names are associated with anything I post publicly. If I post to Facebook, I tag the parents of the other kids so they can be alerted to the photo and share it with their own friends.I do think somewhat different rules apply in the situation where the parents are close friends or family, and the situation where the parents are casual acquaintances. In the latter case, I probably would not post pictures of their kids alone (without my son); at least as of yet, I have not done this, although I have posted pictures like this that include my son without asking in advance. However, if I was taking pictures at a playdate and got a particularly great shot of someone else’s kid that I thought was worthwhile to share on the artistic merits alone, I wouldn’t hesitate to post it to Flickr.
    Like others, if asked I would certainly comply with a request not to post photos, but I would be surprised as I don’t quite understand what the concern is.

  36. I’ve gotta say, Shelli, that it seems to me that it is the parents who are paranoid about photos on Facebook that are making it all about themselves.

  37. I’m okay with the idea that my kid’s face appears in someone else’s photo on the internet. That’s not the issue. The issue is if someone else identifies my child (like include my child’s name) along with the photo. I think I’m a little weirded out by the idea that someday my children could google their names and find photos that they didn’t even realize were taken.

  38. I agree with you 100%, Moxie. I never post photos of other people’s children and have been stunned at times to see pictures of my kids posted without my permission – and then have my name tagged in the photo! If this had been done by a close, close friend or family member, I wouldn’t have minded, but it was by a neighbor whose friends outside of the neighborhood I didn’t know at all. I err on the conservative side on this debate.

  39. In my circle of friends, it is just known that we are all ok with photos of our children being posted. I can’t remember ever asking permission. A previous poster said that parenting in the age of facebook is very new. In the beginning we didn’t even think to ask permission. That said, if one of my friends asked for me to not post photos of their child, I would certainly comply. I would still invite them to birthday parties, I just might not take pictures of their kid.

  40. I whole-heartedly agree with you, Moxie! I hate when other people post photos of my kids. Most ask me now. Once those photos are out there, anyone can copy them and do anything with them. That totally creeps me out. I always ask before I post anything with other kids.

  41. No no no no no no no. Would not post someone else’s kid pics and would not want them posting mine. I don’t even post many of mine. Crazy old dinosaur, perhaps, but no.

  42. A slightly different perspective: I’m a single, full-time working out of the house parent who misses a lot of my kids’ activities at school and elsewhere. As such, I love it when people post pictures that include my kids of events that I can’t attend, and when they let me know that they’ve done so so that I can check the pictures out.It would never occur to me to ask permission to post a picture of my kids that had their friends in it. If someone asked me to take it down because it made them uncomfortable, of course I’d do it.
    I would never attach a child’s name to the picture. But to simply post the unidentified image? I fail to see the harm.

  43. I try not to post pics of other people’s kids on Facebook.But in general, I feel like if you are in public, your picture (or your kids) might end up on the internet. It’s something we all have to get used to.
    I’m sure my kids have been random background kids in other people’s park/zoo/whatever pictures. Do I chase down everyone who raises a camera in my child’s general direction? No, that’s absurd.

  44. It doesn’t bother me if people post pictures of my kids on FB or elsewhere. I am in the same camp as others who have said that they don’t see any real negative consequences to this; I keep a family blog that is out there for the world to see.All that being said, I deleted my FB account four months ago because these issues were getting too complicated. Not just with privacy, but also seeing parties we hadn’t been invited to (yes, my inner middle schooler came out) and in general disliking the Peanut Gallery of comments. Because FB etiquette is still evolving, it’s easy to offend someone accidentally. I am glad I got off that roller coaster.

  45. I think it’s sad that someone might not take pictures of their kids’ friends because of this. It’s not necessary to post every picture publically; I keep the vast majority of my pictures private but I’m glad I have pictures of my friends from when I was a kid and likewise, I’m glad I have pictures of my kids and their friends hanging out together.It is interesting that both Tertia and Heather Spohr had real incidents with their childrens’ pictures being stolen, but it hasn’t stopped either of them from posting pictures of their kids. Have either of them said how they moved past it?

  46. it’s funny that you should post about this today, because we just took my toddler to a kids’ museum, where there are inevitably other kids in the pictures we took. as we are doing more and more fun things with her, and as she is more and more curious about other kids, they are in our shots. i was wondering about what to do. i don’t know these kids, and i don’t think i would particularly have a problem with someone else including a shot that included my kid in it, but i’m not sure where the line is.is there some sort of etiquette here? i wish there was a rule of thumb. should i keep those pictures for my personal collection? crop them?

  47. I honestly don’t really get the big deal with kid pictures. I just don’t. I personally feel like it’s overblown paranoia.

  48. Well, it’s one of the reasons I despise Facebook – because you become at the mercy of other people’s stupidity or indiscretion!So, I’m actually not on Facebook anymore because I was so fed up with it. Even so, I got tagged in someone’s photos of a Thanksgiving dinner I was at last year, which of course meant that eleventy-nine billion “mutual friends” then knew what I’d been up to for Thanksgiving (because everyone in the Moms’ Group in this town feels the need to “friend” each other on FB). And then random casual acquaintances felt no shame in mentioning my personal affairs to me…so weird!
    There is no such thing as privacy anymore. None. Don’t delude yourself! You can hope for obscurity, but nothing more.

  49. No. It’s not OK.I don’t have a facebook account and when my sister asked if she could post a picture of my newborn to her facebook account for our family to see, I said no. She had already given his name, birthdate, weight, etc (which I would not have allowed). Since I don’t go on facebook, I don’t know about the groups and the privacy settings, but I would bet my mom (who is on facebook) has no idea how to work any of that since she calls me to ask me where her read mail goes on her AOL. So my rule is no pictures on facebook.
    Although I have a large online presence as SarcastiCarrie, I have virtually no online presence under my actual, real name since there is a violent ex-boyfriend out there who does not need to know the state where I live let alone anything else about me. I worry that someone else posting (under their real name) a photo (or a mention) of me on the internet/facebook would be enough to tip him off to do a zabasearch or a public records search, etc. For example, if ex-bf is checking out my sister’s facebook and sees a photo of me in some clearly identifiable place, he might start looking. So even if my name isn’t attached to the photo, my sister’s name is and then BAM, you found me. Paranoid, perhaps…but he did threaten to leave my body in a place they would never find it and then showed me the place (and seriously, no one would have found me).
    I blog. I post picture of my kids. But I keep our names private so there is no identifying info about us to attach those pictures to us. In fact, SarcastiCarrie is not even my real name. Shocker, I know. And my kids were not actually named after clowns (unless you count their uncles).
    I try not to take pictures of other people’s kids when we’re out in public because waiting for a kid to leave the frame is a whole lot easier than figuring out how to crop the picture or photoshop them out so I can get a good picture for the photo album. We do have one picture on a thing where the kids put their faces through a board to be different animals, and someone’s kid stuck his head through when I took the picture and now anytime anyone sees the photo, they ask me who that little boy is. I’m always like, “No idea, random kid.” THe photo would be a lot nicer if only my kids were in it.

  50. Facebook. Sigh. I’m still not on it, don’t plan to be, nor am I on any other social media. It never occurred to me to worry about my kid’s picture, so thanks for the heads up! My primary concern is that I don’t want to give ownership of my kid’s image to anyone else. It is his and I have the responsibility of safeguarding it until he is 18, not Facebook’s, not Instagram’s, this is something with me, him, and his dad.And I do see this as completely different from physical picture albums. Those are owned by private individuals, not corporations. Maybe this comes across as paranoia, but with evolving terms of use from social media companies I am not comfortable transferring ownership of my pictures to them to do who knows what with them in the future.

  51. I use Facebook, but I don’t trust it for a second. I don’t post photos of my own kids there, let alone someone else’s. If other people tag my kids in photos I remove the tags. I also usually refer to them in posts by their first initial. Yes, probably paranoid, but I don’t feel like I have a good handle on how things are shared there, since it’s continually changing to make everything more public. And, as someone has already said, the Internet is forever…

  52. I just wanted to chime in with support for Cathy’s comments. She’s entirely right that this is complicated because of the implicit judgments. And actually, this is a place where Moxie’s post surprised me. Normally Moxie is so non-judgmental, but this post just screams with judgment. And it may be why her friend reacted the way she did.If anyone has any suggestions for how to Disagree Without Judging, I’d love to hear them. I aspire towards it, but it’s hard.

  53. oh, oh oh….the first rule of facebook is don’t mention SarcastiCarrie on facebook.So, really, re-reading my comment… I guess I don’t care at all about my kids’ pictures being out there…I don’t want our names out there (or our names with faces or our faces with the real names of anyone else who knows us in real life).
    In fact, I would have no issue with a random stranger taking our picture on the Golden Gate Bridge and posting in on facebook since that wouldn’t be tagged to us in any way.
    It’s complicated.

  54. For those of you saying it’s overblown and paranoid: Why do you feel the need to post pictures of other peoples’ children? Go ahead and post and tag away your own children, but why do you need to put up pictures of other children?

  55. I LOVE Cathy’s comment above. I think she hits it right on the head when she says there’s implicit judgment in this discussion. You can see it in a lot of the comments here. One side seems to imply that accepting ANY risk in this matter is irresponsible, and the other side thinks worrying about it is just overprotective paranoia. Of course, there’s a middle ground if we step back and look for it rationally. That’s tough when it comes to your kids though!Personally, I don’t have a problem with others posting my child’s picture in an anonymous way. (And now that I think about it, I have posted another child’s picture twice on FB. I’m going to be more conscious of that in the future.) I do have a small problem with people attaching my son’s name, and if they did so I’d ask them to remove. He’s only 2.5 so this hasn’t really come up yet, but my brother in law created actual FB pages for my two toddler nephews, complete with their full names, town they live in, and picture (and fake age). To me, that totally crosses the line and makes me quite uncomfortable because it’s going to exist forever and be tied to their real names. It’s not a safety thing to me personally, but more of an issue of letting your kid decide for themselves what to share online when they are old enough. I can see why they would do it and try to respect it though.

  56. I don’t really see the problem. I don’t see how something bad will happen because a picture is there from the bouncy party last week.That said, I don’t post pics of other peoples’ kids, because I know some people are sensitive about it.

  57. I’m with Moxie on this. We don’t post pictures of our kids and I’ve asked other people to take their pictures down. Not because we are scared, or paranoid, we’re not in witness protection, and we don’t have stalkers.We have our reasons. Isn’t that enough? Our kids, our rules. Do we need to psycho-analyze our reasons and justify them? Seeing how the standard at law (where I live) is that permission should be obtained, I would think that would be the presumption.
    If someone disinvited my kid from a party because they wanted to post pictures on facebook and I asked them not to, I would think (though probably not say) that they were missing the point of the birthday party – would little Mary prefer to have their non-facebooky friends at the party, or prefer that mummy post pictures of the party on facebook?

  58. I’m with Moxie too. I think my kids should decide what pictures of them are owned by facebook, not me (when they are adults. I keep a locked-down blog where I post for my out-of-town relatives. And while I would love to be non-judgy, your friend’s comment about non-invitations is just strange to me.

  59. Seems to me most parents don’t give a crap about other people’s kids, and don’t think at all about other parents’ privacy concerns. Non-parent friends don’t consider privacy issues either.For a while, I tried to kindly ask that people not post photos of my kids, or to at least restrict them somehow. But go to a dance recital, soccer match, oversized birthday party, whatever, and what are you going to do, use a megaphone?
    I have given up. Unauthorized online images of my kids are part of the price of participation.

  60. I do not post pictures of my kids on FB, and I have asked friends to not post (or take down) pictures of them. I also try not to mention their full names on my own page — basically thinking that FB can’t use what it doesn’t have! Like SarcastiCarrie, I also have an ex who I would prefer to remain ignorant about my whereabouts.My reasoning for locking down images of my kids is multilayered, but here’s the story that convinced me to enforce it without compromise: A state police officer from the sex crimes unit came to my moms group to discuss safety from sexual predators. There had been a rash of child pr0n busts in our area recently. He described the materials they confiscated as being “difficult to prosecute” because the pr0nographers had lifted the faces of live children from online images, and ‘shopped them onto CGI bodies. So it wasn’t live children in the material, but the images had the faces of actual children.
    Not an urban legend. Straight from the mouth of the man who witnessed it with his own eyes.
    I decline permission to photograph my kids at school, the library, etc. I know it will be unavoidable eventually (like Jennifer siad, it’s “the price of participation”), but I will retain as much control as possible, with white knuckles and bloody fingernails.
    Also, I HAVE asked friends and family not to post their photos of my kids on FB. We are still invited to birthday parties!

  61. Given how poorly most people manage Facebook security (and how often FB changes it), I’d be *deeply* concerned about anyone putting pictures of my kid out there. DEEPLY concerned.Too, a friend of mine used to post pictures of her kids on her website, until she looked at the analytics and saw what kind of searches were used to find them. Nasty stuff.
    And aside from the pedophiles, this is the beginning of my kid’s digital identity. He can’t protect himself, but I sure can try.

  62. I’m with you Moxie, but I’m not zealous about it.I never post other people’s kids’ pics without permission, and it irks me when people post pics of mine. But it seems like such the “ordinary” thing to do, that I don’t make a fuss about it.

  63. Yes, you are very conservative. No, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.In general, I post pictures with other people’s kids in them and tell the parents (separately) they are welcome to tag their kids if they want to. I don’t think there’s any way to search for a kid by face. Of course our mutual friends know who’s who, and anyone beyond that doesn’t really need to know.
    I am not coordinated enough to send photos directly but know that I love seeing cute photos of my kids that other people took and so I like to share for that reason. (If your kid doesn’t look good–I don’t share the picture!)
    And I should note–not even all my friends can see my pictures. So I draw some pretty arbitrary lines, now that I examine it. All this to say–I see both sides here.

  64. I expressly request that no photos of my child be posted on social media without my express permission, and if I do permit the photo to be postd, I ask that it not be ‘tagged’ with my or my child’s name.I work in a securi sensitive job, so there’s that but. Do think it is common courtesy. I do not post my niece or nephews’ photos without asking parents first, andi ask every time.

  65. It’s the norm among my friends to post shots of kids doing fun/funny/cute things together and tag the parents so they can see it, share it, save it if they like it, etc. I always like seeing what my daughter is up to when she’s with someone else. And a lot of us will tag husbands in a good kid shot so it shows in their feed too. If someone asked me not to, of course I wouldn’t, and wouldn’t do it with people I didn’t know well.This is a crowd based around a preschool moms group that is very active on FB and kid stories are a regular feature. Note as mentioned that they are the age where this has been normal since their babyhood. At my age, most of my far-flung FB friends have kids at home and I can’t think of anyone there who doesn’t ever post pics of their kids.
    I really like what Cathy had to say above.

  66. Hmm, I hadn’t really thought people would have issues with posting photos of kids at a party. I certainly don’t, but I also don’t tag names, so I guess I do have some discretion.if anyone asked me to remove them, I would. But I have posted both of my daughter’s birthday party photos with the pro photographer on our photo site so the other parents could download what they wanted. No one complained and it’s not password protected or anything.
    We do give our daughter’s daycare/school permission to post photos or videos but do draw the line at identifying her by name.

  67. Seems to me most parents don’t give a crap about other people’s kids, and don’t think at all about other parents’ privacy concerns. Non-parent friends don’t consider privacy issues either.

  68. I agree with Moxie. However, I have done research that does indicate that pedophiles and such typically do not access FB sites because there are much easier ways to access pictures of children. So I have lightened up a bit and don’t freak when someone shares a picture of my child, but I don’t put up pics of other children myself.And the suggestion that your child doesn’t have to come to the party is unnecessary and intended to hurt the child.

  69. One hundred and eighty fifth chapter Qincheng rain the road leading to Qincheng, Mercedes-Benz with a pedestrian, they are riding a horse, the front face is a charming little girl, a white dress, fluttering in the wind, but she is now tilted mouth, face the unhappy, put the horse bolted some fit of anger, self-willed into it. behind the little girl followed the two young men dressed in armor, wearing a black body armor, wearing a white armor, the two looking helpless in front of the wayward girl, afraid to let the girl in front of a stampede. fourth horse is a very delicate, small girl wearing a pink dress, her face covered with smiles, bolted for the front of the three do not seem to complain very understandable way, and the fourth parallel is an old man young girls, it seems in good spirits, Weibi eye inadvertently revealed a trace of dazzling light. Finally, the four horses are four tall, wearing a black brilliant clothing of the Han, they face some excitement, and in front of a few people happy, helpless

  70. I post very minimal photos of my kids on Facebook because I don’t trust the company and I don’t need to give them information so they can turn around to sell ads to me.I know some people (the Rumor Queen at China Adopt Talk, for example) who are hyper-vigilant about these things, and won’t post any identifying photos of their own children or anyone else’s because they fear predators. I’m not really motivated by that fear, although there are more and more stories of potential abusers using otherwise-innocuous information gathered online to convince a child that he knows that child — able to describe friends, a school, pets, family, etc. It’s just a privacy/anti-commercialism issue for me.
    Most school districts warn parents that children at school are considered off-limits for public photo sharing. In other words, if you take a photo of your kid at school, you post that photo online, and there are other kids in the background? Depending on your state laws, you’ve just violated that child’s privacy and need to take down the photo. Birthday parties probably aren’t protected in that same way, and I wouldn’t be shocked or offended if my kid’s photo ended up online because someone posted a birthday photo, but I’d also block the photo from being tagged with our name and if asked, I’d prefer that the photo NOT show up on Facebook. It’s really just a privacy issue for me — and yes, the Internet is different from the photo albums on my shelves because a few random changes in Facebook’s default privacy settings and the whole world gets to look at my child.
    The big-name bloggers who use daily photos of their kids to drive clicks and ad revenue sort of give me the willies.

  71. If I was asked not to post pictures of someone else’s children on Facebook, of course I wouldn’t- I would edit them out of the shot or I would simply not post the picture. I think that the reaction of that mother was simply her responding to the assumption that she was a terrible mom for posting about her children. Nobody likes to feel like they are being told that they are doing it wrong. I don’t mind when people post pictures of my kids, but I do want to be taqged in those pictures and to keep my kid unidentified by full name.

  72. Forgot to mention: I share a LOT of photos of my kids’ friends with their friends’ parents. I just use the “email this photo” option in Picasa and off the photos go. (I did change the default settings so parents were getting high-quality versions of the photos, though.) I could attach the photo to a different email account if I decided Google had gotten too evil re: ads and privacy (I’m getting there). I know that social networks seem like the easy way to share things with friends but we don’t actually have to give up all that information about ourselves to corporations to build our communities.Multiple companies are working hard to perfect the technology that will let you scan one photo and then look for every other image online that might have that face. Based on how well Picasa and iPhoto are doing with the face-recognition function, I’m thinking it’s only a few years away from operating frighteningly well.

  73. I lock them down to “Friends Only”, never list a full name, and tag a parent and would take it down or block them out or untag them if they requested, but yeah, I always post the pics and most of my friends do as well. Even my SIL who used to be fanatical (sent several NASTY emails to anyone who posted a pic of her first born on facebook or personal website) now posts pics on FB and uses the “Friends Only” option or even sometimes uses the “only these people” option and manually selects who can see the pictures. She never, ever uses her children’s names (uses nicknames and so do the rest of us when talking about her kids), but I can respect that.I don’t think I’ve thought to ask permission, but then it hasn’t really come up very much since most of the kids I’m taking pics of, I’m friends with their parents on FB and THEY do it, so it’s obvious that it’s not a problem for them.

  74. Hmmm…there are lots of valid points out there and Cathy’s comment is spot on. All my friends know I’m on FB and post photos. when they were really little, we asked if we could post photos to FB and no one had a problem with it. In school and church we’ve signed waivers allowing web/pr photo permission (and because Kelsey is diverse, she gets in a lot of them prominently).If someone had a problem with it, I’d respect their feelings – it’s their child and I’d never even consider not inviting the child to a party – you would hurt the children (theirs and yours) and how could anything else be more important?
    We use FB to connect to our family and friends around the world – so photos are important.

  75. I’m with Jennifer, above; it’s unavoidable. Most recently my work hosted a get-together for employees and families at a sporting event and now my, my son’s, and my husband’s pictures are all online (along with pics of a bunch of my coworkers and their families) showing us at that event (not on Facebook, and not privately, either — if you had the link, you could find them. They’re not terribly interesting, though). I’d find it weird if someone snapped a bunch of photos of just one of us (or whatever) without securing permission, but having our pictures taken (among many, or as a single snapshot) at a public event and posted online? I just take it as the new normal.

  76. I wouldn’t mind my kids’ pictures being posted on the internet but I always ask parents before I take a picture that might be posted on the internet. I also am very careful about pictures involving my nieces because they have a psycho estranged father and grandmother who are total jerks (< ---and that's putting it mildly). For those girls, it's definitely an issue for their pictures to be put on the internet so that's why I also ask parents first. You never know who has an unstable ex or estranged relatives who might do something with or because of those photos.

  77. I’m late to the party, but I can’t help comment.You can search google images by uploading a picture. Can google find a picture of your child? Can you find an image of yourself using this tool?
    I’m curious. If you have a minute, give it a try and report back.

  78. I agree with those who are in the no posting camp – my kids or any one else’s. Children are entitled to privacy and their parents should protect it on their behalf. After all, a person is a person no matter how small, as Dr. Seuss put it.

  79. I think Cathy is 100% right on. That said, while I don’t mind posting pics of my kids or having other people do it, I know of enough people who are concerned to not post online if I don’t know other parents are ok with it. My daughter’s t-ball team pic i took ould hav been so much easier to distribute on fb than on email, but I did it email b/c I wasn’t sure if people had issues. Sorry for all the typos, too many toddlers in this house have wrecked my lapotop keybord.

  80. I had kind of shelved these thoughts for awhile but now this post is here, and some things have changed… I want to see what you all think.I’m more concerned as my child gets older about photos. I think pics of your kids when they’re babies seem more innocuous. That being said, my child is almost 20 months so I’m starting to get a little freaky deaky about all the pictures of him online. Mainly I’m concerned about my MIL posting pics and videos of my son on facebook; she’s currently going through a rough time, and doesn’t quite understand the concept that you can’t trust everyone on the internet. She has a whole bunch of friends (male and female) on her page that she has never met in person. She’s insistent that they are all nice people, she talks to them all the time, etc. BUT I think what’s really happening is (long story short) she’s unhappy in her marriage and seeking/getting validation from random men on facebook. Now my son comes into the mix where she posts pics of him all the time and always has. Also want to point out that our daycare will often tag me and/or my husband in our son’s photos, then my MIL will “Share” them on her wall- so regardless of my settings for photos, or even the daycares’ settings (friends only)- once my MIL does that all of her friends and more can see pics of my son. I don’t know if she even has hers set up to be Friends Only- and even if it was she’s never met half of them!!!!
    OK I’m venting a bit here too- we’re concerned about her behavior but not sure what to do/how to help. AND I don’t know how to draw the line in the sand about these photos especially when I’ve never said anything before. Any advice?

  81. Moxie, I hope you will bump this last post from Anon (about the MIL and facebook sharing) to its own thread. Seems like a lot of people might have good ideas about how to handle that (and I _think_ there’s actually a privacy setting involving tagged photos of you, to stop the MIL from sharing them in that way, which hopefully one of the FB-users would be able to describe.)

  82. The only way to keep things “private” on FB is to create a group page and limit it to invited members only.From FB faq’s on privacy:
    “Have something you only want to share with a few friends? Send a message, or create a group.”
    Facebook isn’t about keeping what you share private. It’s just not.

  83. Maybe I’m not a paranoid person, but I just don’t get the fuss. I have one friend who doesn’t post pictures of her kid anywhere and one friend that doesn’t have facebook, or again, post pictures anywhere. So, I would never post their kids’ pictures. But the majority of my friends have pictures of their kids all over the internet (facebook, blogs etc.). And we all post pictures of each others kids and tag the parents. Of course if someone asked, I would take down any pictures.I just can’t give that much energy into being paranoid. I don’t think there are THAT many people in the world out to harm kids (really, the stats prove this to be right) and the ones that do probably aren’t going to target my kids (really, it’s 1 in a million). It’s WAY easier for me to world-proof my kids (teach them how to interact with strangers, to never go off with strangers, to report inappropriate behaviour etc.) than it is to kid-proof my child’s world.
    And if there was an issue with an Ex or something tracking down a kid, I’d totally respect that parent, but to live so paranoid that I pre-ask all the parents seems crazy. Those that have to live with that fear make it known so I don’t think the rest of us have to be paranoid of all the “just in case” situations. I can come up with so many ridiculous situations that if I were to abide by the self-imposed rules they all cause I wouldn’t be living anymore. Maybe that sounds rude, but really, let’s get some perspective.

  84. I do not agree with putting pictures of other people’s kids on the web at all. Personally I hate Facebook in general and refuse to have any part of it. Our son is 10 months old and from the beginning we have told all of our “Facebook obbsessed” friends not to post any photos of him. Since then we have been told about two incidents that some were posted and we called each person and asked them to remove them. Of course they thought we were being crazy but I didn’t care – no photos allowed!I don’t think parents should have to worry about it and have to keep kids from enjoying a birthday party just because the other parent can’t respect other’s privacy.

  85. I guess my son is still young enough that I am facebook “friends” with pretty much all of his friends’ parents. So I know that they post pictures of their kids and are comfortable doing so. We post and tag each other so that we can see the photos. Once I hesitated before posting a photo that had another kid in it because I realized that I had no idea what the child’s parents policy was regarding online photos. I ultimately decided not to post it, even though it was adorable, because it just didn’t feel right.That said, I really can’t seem the harm in posting a picture of my son in his Halloween costume on facebook. Or on my blog. I just can’t live in fear of the “what ifs.”

  86. So here’s a link about where the law stands on your rights having your photo taken…http://webuiltthiscity.tumblr.com/post/24004721741/just-an-fyi-as-a-lawyer-to-fellow-photobloggers
    basically “You have the right to take pictures of anything on public view, while you are on public property. Using a photo you’ve taken of a stranger for commercial purposes, using a zoom lens to look into a window of a private residence, and taking photos on private property (like inside a store) are another matter.”
    So by being out in a public place you and your child maybe photographed and that photograph maybe shared and posted. The good thing about the tagging in Facebook is that it gives you the knowledge that your/your child’s image is out there, then you can accept it, or ask them to please remove it. WIthout the tagging you would not even know the photo was up there.
    I take lots and lots of photos, I share most of them VERY publicly. When it comes to pictures of other people’s children I tend to be conservative. I make most of those more private – family and friends only on flickr, not calling out who is in the photo if I don’t know the parents feelings. If I know the parents have strong feelings against publicity I share the photos only with them and let them decided (EVEN if I think the photo of my kid is amazing and I want to share it).
    But you don’t really have any expectation of privacy if you are out in public. You or your children. At a birthday party at someone’s house… well I am not sure. But I also think as a parent and individual you have to decide how to deal with changing assumptions of privacy. Everyone has a camera connected to the internet with them at all times (smart phone) and if you assume that you are ‘safe’ or that without your expressed permission no one can broadcast your image on the internet you are setting yourself up to be shocked, hurt, scared, angry ect. So it is better to start thinking about how you feel about that, what you want to control, what you can control… because the issue is not going away.

  87. Wow, I’m had the exact opposite of your reaction! Why WOULDN’T it be OK?? Is she also posting the exact address or schedule of these same kids? Is she giving information on how to break into their house, or where they MIGHT be alone for a second?No, she is not. She is posting a PHOTO of a child. I have NEVER heard of a case of someone finding a picture of a child on the ‘net and tracking that child down for nefarious purposes. NEVER. It is this kind of thinking that just boggles my mind and makes me frustrated.
    Why do people assume that every action that doesn’t keep our kids under constant supervision and out of strangers view is one that will put them in mortal danger? It’s just ridiculous.
    And if you think “But crime rates are so high!!” you should take a look at this article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303768104577460332267762086.html

  88. @Karen C. – your comment assumes that the only reason that people don’t want pictures of their kids on facebook is because of fear of pedophiles or other people. Not true for me (and I am sure others).The photo happy/snappy, instant-sharing, instant posting world we seem to live in just bothers me. It makes me feel like we’re all being stalked like paparazzi all the time. I don’t want that for my kids. I want them to be able to relax, to do goofy things, to be messy, to make mistakes, without having to check over their shoulder for a camera all the time.
    Frankly, I don’t like people posting pictures of ME on facebook without permission (unless I’m at a public function, in which case I understand and my awareness of the possibility of pictures being taken probably colours my behaviour). I’m not scared of nefarious persons. It just feels invasive. And until my kids are old enough to make those kinds of decisions for themselves, to really understand the difference between public behaviour and private behaviour, I’ll be making these kinds of decisions on their behalf, which is my right and obligation as their parent.

  89. I just wanted to throw out another perspective. Lots of folks here are saying that choosing not to invite a kid to a birthday party would be mean-spirited, if the issue were the parent not wanting pictures posted on facebook.I see this a bit differently. My kids are young, and nearly all parents are still at the birthday parties with them. If a parent tells me they want ZERO pictures of their kid on facebook– well, I can respect that, but I can’t guarantee that every other adult present at a party and taking pictures will do the same.
    I post pictures on facebook of my kids (carefully edited) and I understand pictures being posted by other folks where my kids are in the background and/or spending time with their kids. Usually my kids’ names aren’t attached, and for now I have privacy settings set up so that I am notified when someone attempts to tag me, but I can choose whether or not it posts on my wall. Ultimately, the way the law is set up, I can’t stop people from posting pictures when they are in public places, and I suppose I’ve just had to let that one go. I wish we all had more privacy– adults included– and our every move wasn’t chronicled. But the trend is going ever more in that direction, and I feel like getting angry at other parents for snapping a cell phone photo is mis-placing my discomfort with how our use of all that technology is shifting.

  90. Husband and I do not post pictures of our son on facebook or anywhere else on the web. We do not even use his real name in our facebook posts, although we have strict privacy settings and post only to friends and family. Our parents and family know that we do not allow posting pictures of him. MIL has posted only one picture of him since he was born 6 years ago, most probably by mistake, and he wasn’t named so I did not make a big fuss about it. They respect us and everybody is happy. I do not know any parent who posts pictures of other kids on FB. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, or I am too old and hang out with other old paranoid people.

  91. I just don’t get it. Do people who don’t want pics of their kids posted not take them out in public either? I mean what is really the difference between seeing a photo online and seeing them at a park? Gobs more strangers see my kids at parks than online.Gobs of strangers see my kids at the zoo, aquarium, theme parks, mall, school events, etc etc. If I had a choice, I much rather they would see a pic of my kids looking cute than throwing a tantrum outside a toy store. If only.
    In terms of controlling your kids online profile, the more you understand the internet and social media, the better you’ll be able to teach your kids how to use it. As special as you think your kids are, an insignificant number of social media users see your kids’ pics. And probably 100% of those are friends and family. What do overprotective parents think of all the celeb’s kids pictures plastered in every magazine, or the President’s kids, or even family bloggers like Amalah or Dooce? What danger are your kids supposedly more protected from than these kids if you don’t post any pictures? Again, I just don’t get it.

  92. @Shanna: I find this statement telling “In terms of controlling your kids online profile, the more you understand the internet and social media, the better you’ll be able to teach your kids how to use it.” The majority of people I know who don’t post pictures of their children are more concerned with maintaining a level of privacy than some perceived threat.Personally, I understand the internet and social media just fine. I just want my children to be able to choose the level of privacy that they want when they are older. My kids are young and I don’t believe that it is my choice to determine what their level of comfort ought to be. We do not post identifiable pics of the kids on the internet and I have asked others to remove them in the past (family and our church). When they reach an age where I believe they understand the possible consequences of what they post on-line I will let them make those decisions for themselves.

  93. We’ve discussed the ethics of posting kid pictures on FB here before, and I think a lot of good points were made that are worth another read now:http://www.askmoxie.org/2011/02/qa-posting-pictures-of-your-baby-on-facebook.html
    I’m with @Moxie. I’d never put a *tagged* picture of someone else or their child on the Internet, and I certainly would never do that without obtaining their permission first. I’m less concerned about the untagged group photo where my kid happens to be somewhere in the background.
    To me, the identifiability of the tagging and the forever-ness of anything put on the Internet is what clearly differentiates “seeing a photo online” from “seeing [kids] at a park.”
    It boils down to this: if some day my kids want to make a choice not to have any photos of themselves on the Internet, I want them to actually get to make that choice. So when well-meaning people post tagged photos of my kids, they are effectively taking away my kids’ ability to ever make that choice for themselves.
    Personally, I have no love for FB and have never been a willing part of it, because I don’t trust this large corporation in particular, and I really, really value my family’s privacy (in all of the old school meanings of the word “privacy.”)
    My own choice to stay away from FB is not judging anyone else’s choices to trust FB and/or to have different boundaries than mine. To each their own. But. Getting consent before you assume everyone is cool with FB owning their images is a really kind and thoughtful thing to do.

  94. I don’t post pics of friends kids w/o asking first, and I’d prefer friends do the same for us. However, I do have some friends who have posted pics of DS, and I’ve been OK with it. That being said, I’d haveno qualms about asking someone to remove something I was uncomfortable with. Also, I specifically wrote in our first daycare contract that I did not want any pics of DS posted on line by them (didn’t want to link my kid to a location). Also, I don’t post many pics of DS on FB due to the fact that FB has the right to use your photos in their publicity, etc. For photos from DS’ birthdays, I send a link (closed to general public) via Picassa to the other parents so that they can grab whatever photos they want.

  95. Since you can set your settings so that only your Friends can see your pictures and no one else, I don’t worry too much about the photos being posted. We have tons of photos of our kids on Facebook and on my husband’s blog. That doesn’t really concern me.I have two opinions on this: 1) Set your FB settings correctly and then don’t worry so much and 2) Do what other parents ask you to do concerning their kids and ask them if they mind before you reveal any info about them or post pics of them.
    Seems simple to me! And that whole “well then you can’t come to the birthday party” thing is just blackmail. That’s right, punish the kids because you want to be able to post whatever of whoever. Very nice attitude.

  96. You know, I don’t even post identifiable pictures of my *own* kids on facebook.It has very little to do with the Imaginary Internet Boogeyman (omg!) although I do find it bizarre when people post enough information about their kids to make identity theft a legitimate concern.
    What it boils down to with facebook is that they are incredibly bad at (or incredibly good at, depending on your perspective) safeguarding privacy, overriding and resetting privacy settings at random and like to arbitrarily declare ownership of stuff you upload, which…no.
    My primary reason for not posting pictures of the kids online is that the Internet has an incredibly long memory, and it’s not my job to decide for my kids what kind of Internet presence they would like to have.
    My sister once told me about a (pretty innocuous) picture of her as a preschooler that my mother had framed and put up in the house. I have a vague memory of this picture and it was kind of cute, but when my sister started having school friends over, she found it utterly mortifying. When Mom wouldn’t take it down, my sister stole it in the middle of the night and destroyed it.
    To be clear, this was a totally typical preschool picture that most people would find charming, but it gave my sister that horrible bone deep feeling of humiliation, and she didn’t have enough words to explain it to my mom.
    Fast forward to today:
    Mom/Auntie/Mom of Friend shares a cute picture on facebook.
    Kid finds it incredibly embarrassing later.
    What options does the kid have?

  97. Personally, I tend to side with “WTF is really going to happen if a photo of my child is on the Internet?” That said, I also want to know if someone else has posted a photo of my child on the internet. My own online actions reflect this stance. If I post photos of other people’s kids, I do so either with permission or by tagging them (and then sending a message stating I’ll take down the photos if they aren’t comfortable with them being up). We recently took a field trip with my son’s daycare class and I only posted photos on FB of kids whose parents I’m friends with on FB, so they could decide whether or not to keep them up.

  98. Polo Clothes. Abercrombie And Fitch Calamity Pond Hoodies. Cheap Abercrombie Fitch. New Vision has pioneered liquid nutrition for over 14 years, introducing the number one selling liquid mineral supplement in North America. However, do be careful with distressed jeans. om and Consumersearch. hy don’t you start looking for the designer checks coupon today. or others, this was the first garage door opener that was able to lift their heavy door. Like I tell all my customers, a stun gun is your last line of defense. These rings are greatly available in UK. manufacturer, Spin Master, there are 150 different versions of the creatures and 200 different playing cards, so we will be collecting these for many holidays to come. Abercrombie And Fitch Calamity Pond Hoodies. t’s well worth bagging my own groceries.. To start, look to see how many electrical panels you have, and if you are unsure contact your builder, electrician, or realtor. n case a name tag has fallen off a suitcase or a carton, a TT with a broad covering may also be used for labeling purposes. They look generous, comfortable and luxurious. Bedding made with Pima cotton have a silken finish, which makes them very comfortable. They can read about the sports that occurred late into the evening on Saturday. Some other aspects that are worth careful consideration and comparison include available discount, return policy, and shipping rates and so forth.

  99. I think that this is an issue very much influenced by the age and media use of the parents. I am 29 with an 8-month old daughter. I was in college when facebook began, but back then (2003-2004) facebook was a totally private universe where you could be sure that only your classmates were seeing pics of you tagged at a party.As facebook grew and changed, my generation had to learn how to adjust our expectations and use of social media. My facebook page is now something that would be totally appropriate for a potential employer to look at. Sure, there are pics of my infant daughter, but just the kind of thing that I would also display around the house.
    Parents of school aged children should be teaching their kids about how to manage an appropriate “internet footprint” that undoubtedly will be an important part of their lives as they enter high school and young adulthood.
    I am also a high school librarian and struggle with teaching my students about internet etiquette, the permanence of their online interactions, etc. Sure, the internet is a big scary place, just like world in general. Moxie — soon your sons will be tagged by their peers in fb pics, so it’s never too early to teach them about internet safety and social media.

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  103. holding yosluerf back scared judging , fun , spreading over school. take a chance. easier , once doing – come naturally: yosluerf caring others . People same things relate become friends naturally. people don’t need a daily concern. people don’t care others highly themselves others’ opinion matter. everyone girl- look confident! Give yosluerf time slowly practice mirror. something , don’t know- . Don’t , embarrassment intimidation. I always daughters ( now teenagers) laugh everything always a come back a negative comment .

  104. That they choose to go doesn’t mean they know what they’re gentitg themselves into. If you go on an adventure to a far away country, you can prepare yourself by learning a about the language, culture, customs etc but there is NOTHING that can prepare you for the things that you’re about to experience. And I’m just talking about an unplanned vacation. The feeling of suddenly being confronted with a reality you were unaware of is not something that you can imagine if you haven’t experienced it. I’m sure this feeling is a lot more intense for a young soldier in a war. Believe me, watching discovery channel doesn’t teach you anything about the real world outside your living room. You may not like what they’re doing or who they’re representing, but they deserve our sympathy and respect none the less.

  105. they sold out of everything at the store she went to in 15 mintues. It is too late for me. “Sigh”. I am stuck at work and the website has been down for hours now:( I would love to see what you picked up:)

  106. #26 and #32 This is the stuff the media needs to show! Real men and women with good hearts triyng to do good for people they don’t even know and real deaths. Don’t hide the good and for god’s sake don’t hide the deaths! Our soldiers and our allies soldiers deserve so much more respect than they are getting!

  107. Leanne – HOLY MAJOLY!! sexy mama!! yes. i would agree with both you and meg. Who would even want to marry someone shotrer then them?! They would be missing out on the good life of high heels.:) Too bad we couldn’t wear those in Chile. we would get so many contactos!! lol. MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  108. What a happy way to start my day, finding msyelf on your fabulous blog! Thank you again, and btw, the quote by Chanel is one of my very faves, so true. xoxo Jessica

  109. We had a terrific kick off event with the West Coast Martial Arts demo team prinoemrfg for us! Mr. Zuniga of WCMA talked a little about the history of marial arts and then he and the demo team showed us their stuff! We had 123 kids and 50 adults in attendance.Talk about COOL!!! Go to Dodge City Public Library’s children’s webpage and scroll down to the pictures to see them breaking boards, work with swords, and do fantastic kicks!

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  111. if the parents of the kids say “yes you can put th eicture of my kid on the web” then and only then do you have that right imo. not your kid? not your right to post pictures of them up!

  112. So my situation is very different. I went on my ex husband’s wife’s fb page and through a little click here and there, found a link to a modeling page with MY daughter’s first and last name, intoducing my daughter as one of her children, no permission, several professional photos done and I am outraged and not really certain how to approach this.

  113. Of you read the rules stated on facebook terms n conditions it states you are not to post photos of other people’s children thaat are under the age of 13yts without the concent of the parent so putting picks on of kids parties is a no no if the parents of the kids in them say no. If you do this then the parent can report the pic to facebook who will remove it or if they want to go to the police!!!

  114. I am surprised by the first couple of responses. Don’t be naive, in this day and age it should be obvious why posting kids photos is not safe or okay. I cannot believe how people feel they have the right to post pictures of other people! And why do they need to share them on the Internet? If the people you want to see them are truly friends, you could show them the actual photos in person. This subject is one that seriously drives me crazy! When you take a photo do people really think they have all rights to the content on those pics? Because you don’t! Think about it before you post it, please!

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