Q&A: What you need to have a baby

Vanessa writes:

"Could you do something soliciting what things, both concrete and non, one needs to parent? I am thinking about trying to have a baby, but I'd be a single parent, and I am soliciting feedback in…every conceivable area!

Thanks!"

Simple answer: A baby needs diapers, clothes, a place to sleep, and something to eat.

Next level: You also need a car seat, some kind of carrier (stroller/sling/wrap/Ergo/whatever).

Seriously, though: You need that stuff. But you also need support. At the very least, you need a babysitter you pay who is rock solid, to relieve you when you need to do things without the baby, plus childcare for while you're at work (whether that's daycare or an individual babysitter).

Ideally, you'd also have personal support, in the form of family and friends, who can be with you while you're parenting your child, and who can be part of your child's life. We're really truly not meant to parent children alone, and the isolation can be horrible. The number one factor correlating with post-partum depression is lack of support, so I would take this part seriously. Make sure you have your support system lined up to be part of it.

What do you all think? I'd love to hear from parents who had or adopted babies on their own, from single parents of all ilks, and from parents in general about what you need. Everything from gear to larger-picture things.

52 thoughts on “Q&A: What you need to have a baby”

  1. Look into Single Mothers by Choice. I have a friend who, at age 38 or so, chose to become a single mother. Her kids are now almost age 4, b/g twins. They are fantastic. She found SMBC to be a great resource and source for advice and commiseration.For my friend, she was surprised by people in her life who she thought would be there for her and weren’t and people who she didn’t expect to rise to the occasion but did. It’s a personal choice for you, but a big deal topic that a lot of people in your life will have advice and commentary on. You gotta be tough. Good luck!

  2. My cousin is a single parent and based on what I see with her, you need to have a strong, varied network of support (either family or close friends) OR you have to be able to afford the kind of childcare that would be basically on-call. For instance, my cousin got a horrible stomach bug and was physically incapable of taking care of her 1 year old. She lives about an hour away from the rest of the family and doesn’t have tons of friends by her. I ended up going to pick up her daughter and take her home with me. Obviously if she was closer it would have been much easier, but at least it was do-able. Much farther and I don’t know what she would have done. You also want to think about how you can get breaks. As Moxie said, a good babysitter (or again, close friends and family who are actually willing to babysit, not just say they will) is necessary.

  3. You might also check out Anne Lamott’s book _Operating Instructions: A Journal of my Son’s First Year. Lamott is a single parent (though her boy is now grown up), and her journal deals with that.Frankly, I think every parent should read the book because it’s funny and real.

  4. Meet with a financial planner and have a SOLID financial plan in place, before the baby is conceived. Not only single parents should do this, but it’s vital for single parents.

  5. I love the Anne Lamott book!Over in the FB discussion, someone said you need to have money.
    Obviously, money gives you more choices and more options. But plenty of people who don’t have money have kids and raise them well.
    I don’t think anyone feels like the first 2 years are easy in terms of $, even if they have a high income.
    More than $, I think you need ideas and plans for how to handling things like child care, and to have a realistic idea of what they cost.

  6. La Leche League provides a supportive community for all moms, and it’s free. You can start attending meetings during your pregnancy. Leaders are available to answer questions and offer encouragement anytime by phone, and you might make friends with the moms at the meetings. LLL deals with mothering issues as they relate to breastfeeding, but it’s also a place to gripe about how tired you are, how to deal when you’re overwhelmed, and get ideas from more experienced moms.

  7. I agree with what people have said so far, and for the record, I am not a single parent. My thought goes for all people considering becoming a parent. It’s not like getting a dog (not saying the OP feels that way) which is a huge commitment in and of itself. You have to be able to accept the risk that comes with being a parent. Parenting is a demanding job when everything is going smoothly. Your child may be high needs or have special health issues. You have to consider how you can deal with these things financially as well as emotionally and consider how your support network works into that. I remember when my son was a newborn and I was just home from the hospital and very teary and hormonal. My cousin who was single at the time had been considering becoming a single parent. I was having such a hard time and I great support. I remember telling her straight out “Don’t do this by yourself!” Of course I was a wreck at the time and I realize there are lots and lots of wonderful and amazing single parents. Just really think about how you might deal with a blow out poop fest in the middle of the night without a second pair of hands as well as the bigger, scarier things that may come up. Best of luck!

  8. As a single mom, I can say that support is the #1 driver of leading a balanced life. Not just emotional, over-the-phone support, but on-call will drop anything and drive to help support. I’ve now been on both ends of the spectrum and my son is only 2. I’ve had the awesome friends willing to drop anything to help who would stay with my son as I traveled to work. I now have complete isolation with close friends & faimly over 2 hours away (not as practical as I thought for help). Hands down, support provided me with happiness and a community I could rely on. Isolation makes me a crazy-person who can’t wait to change her situation. In regards to money: It can help erase some stress such as paying a sitter just so you can get out – but having your kid smile at you and love you as much as you love him makes me think that you shouldn’t make it the #1 consideration… Just be ready to spend like you never have before and make sure you are ok with it.

  9. I’m not a single mom, and I’ve got plenty of family and friends nearby. And yet I *still* felt isolated and barely-hanging-on when my kids were little. I’d have to say that support is the most important thing that any parent needs. Have it planned ahead of time, because you will need it.

  10. I would second Single Mothers By Choice. I’m not a single mom, but I have a friend who found an amazing support network, and she and a friend she met through there are close enough that they’re effectively raising their two sets of twins together. She is also really creative about childcare – she has a nanny during the day, and has traded for childcare with another woman, a student, who stayed in her spare bedroom and was available to help with evening baths and bedtime, etc.As a single parent, it’s always your turn, so important to remember to take care of yourself and find ways to build that network. Good luck!

  11. I agree with everyone else that support is key, especially without another parent in the picture.Also, to truly evaluate how much support you have, judge people on their actions – not their promises. How do they treat you now? In the past? Did they drop everything to help you out of a jam? Did they lift heavy furniture when you moved? Are they prepared to drive long distances/at night if needed? Are they calm in a crisis? This is the kind of roll-up-your sleeves, get-er-done support that you will need. Good luck!

  12. this is just my experience. i am married.. i was consumed with the early years of my kids. i was a career woman who had no choice, due to internal wiring, to quit working. it was hard on us financially, but i could not bear to leave them with someone else. make sure you are ok not being a sahm. or do you have the fin. resources to not work for several years if you choose? now, i am not sure how i would have known that i would feel that way, because i loved my work and never doubted heading back after the pregnancy. i did not have the third child that i wanted, because we could not sustain more time with me not working, but i knew that i could not have a baby and not be home with him/her for at least 4 or 5 years. i was social mind you. i had friends and playdates, but i could not relenquish the 24/7 care. now, i work when they go to school, and i’m cool with it. they are starting to have their own lives and i am totally enjoying it!

  13. I was thinking life insurance and a will. It’s true for anyone who is having a baby, especially if there will be only one income.Also, it’s good to think about how to manage sick days [yours and the baby] – with my first baby, I went back to work when she was almost 2 and she was sick a lot in the first year. With the second baby, I went back to work shen she was 2 months old. She was sick a lot when she moved into the toddlers room, not as much in the baby room. Todders are mobile and licky. Also, I had strep and ear infections a lot when they were little, too.
    The other thing I’m thinking about recommending is a college fund. If you start something like a 529 plan when the baby is little, you don’t have to make as big of a contribution each month (same idea as with starting a 401(k) in your twenties).

  14. If the first or second playgroups/mom social hour groups you attend don’t feel like a fit, keep looking. I was very excited about LLL, but had a bad experience with my local group (I went while pregnant knowing I needed a c section due to a legitimate medical condition and they were incredibly negative and undermining regarding my “decision” to have a planned section). Husband’s coworker’s wife got pregnant around the same time I did, we ended up doing a nanny share and I got all the support I needed through that arrangement. Persist until you find people who make you feel better after talking to them. Then hang onto those relationships.

  15. A swing!I have all the moral support in the world, but had no go to babysitter lined up in case of emergencies or getting a reliable break. Also I have very few friends with kids the same age as my baby and I’m still working on building those relationships.

  16. I’m the mostly single mom of a 4 month old. I say “mostly” because really, I don’t feel single because I have so much help (including from the baby’s father, though he doesn’t live with us). So yes, support and help are crucial.Also, if you have a job, figure out how maternity leave works BEFORE you have the baby — ideally well before you have the baby.
    It’s also useful to learn how to say yes and to learn how to say no.
    You will never have enough money or enough time or the perfect job and house and family to have a kid. You just sort of do it, and somehow it works out.

  17. I’m not a single mom so I don’t have insight into that particular situation but I do agree with everything that’s been said about support. Practical and emotional. The poster who said ‘Persist until you find people who make you feel better after talking to them. Then hang onto those relationships.’ is spot on! That’s a great piece of advice. Some people make you feel terrible about your parenting difficulties. Flee! (or at least, minimize contact at stressful times) But the folks who build you up are worth gold.As for gear. Not that much is really necessary. In addition to Moxie’s suggestions, I’d add, bouncy chair, lots of wee cloths and muslin squares for wiping up everything. And a good (i.e. practical, fit for purpose and one you like)diaper bag. You’ll take it with you everywhere and use it daily, it’s worth investing in.

  18. Putting all the practical advice aside, I think you mostly just need to want a child and know that you are capable of putting that child ahead of yourself. And you need a viable plan for caring for that child – so that could be a financial plan, or enlisting family support, or whatever.I don’t think it’s that complicated. I am not a single mom, and while I think that job is super tough, I also know that if I hadn’t found the right guy to have kids with, it wouldn’t have stopped me.

  19. Patience… deep reservoirs of patience. The ability to defer your own gratification and goals indefinitely (or so it seems in the moment), as needed. A sense of humor. Perspective; ability to take the long view of life’s seasons and stages; practice cheer-leading yourself through uncertain, stressful, tiring, or repetitive moments when you’re in the only adult for miles. Obviously one can and will do all these things oneself, partnered or not; but it’s a relief to have another adult who can step in and help. Even partnered, I don’t think either of us expected to need those skills in such major doses during the first few months/years of our daughter’s life!

  20. My favorite, can’t-live-without piece of gear: a Boppy for breastfeeding.My one-word advice for parenting: routine.
    I am married but single-parent a lot because my husband travels quite a bit for work. During those times when I’m alone with the kids, having daily and weekly routines helps tremendously. The routines always include outdoor activities to get me and the baby out of the house and sticking to a schedule seems to help calm and reassure my pre-schooler who often misses his dad.

  21. I single-parent part-time because my husband lives in another state for a large chunk of the year (for work). One of the things that saved my sanity was hooking up with other mothers in similar situations. I met my good friend and her son through a nanny share (nanny shares are awesome if you live in the right area and find another family or two that you really connect with – it takes co-ordination but it’s cheaper than a nanny but helped me out of not wanting my little baby in daycare). We live near each other and have created a kind of family of our own – we drop off our kids with each other, watch them in a pinch, cook meals together, etc. It’s wonderful. You might find another single mom through the support group people upthread mentioned; see if any of them in your area are interested in creating a IRL community, especially if they live super close. I’ve often thought (seriously) that my friend and I should buy a house together, or a duplex, to facilitate the arrangement further.Baby things don’t have to be new; babies don’t need nurseries. Craigslist is a great resources for gently used baby stuff. Don’t get pressured trying to get too many things.
    If you can, save some money and hire a postpartum doula – some postpartum doulas will come at night. They are $$$, but so worth it for a little break at night. Sometimes in the night I felt like I could lose my mind. I desperately needed *company* as much as sleep, so I wouldn’t freak out.

  22. It’s useful to know where your local consignment shop is and when your local consignment sales are (in Atlanta, there’s a spate of church-based sales in Feb/March and September). It is absolutely true that you don’t need much stuff, but it’s also true that the right stuff can make life much easier — the catch is you don’t really know what the right stuff is until you need it. Some things I needed that others didn’t are a moby wrap, an ultimate swaddler, and prodigious amounts of gripe water. Some things I didn’t but was sure I would were a diaper bag, a carseat with a detachable carrier (too heavy to use!), a crib, and a boppy (not much use for football-hold — I wound up using two stacked 3″ thick pieces of foam from the fabric store).A consignment store means when you figure out the need, you can fill it with something decent for cheap. Along the same lines, I know folks who have good luck with ebay (especially good for buying clothes by the pound) and craigslist.

  23. Personally, I think we North Americans tend to get carried away with all the “things” that we think we need to parent effectively. I mean, parents have been raising kids for eons, long before there were highchairs, strollers, and wipes warmers.I kind of learned this the hard way. I live in Asia, and insisted on having all of the BEST NORTH AMERICAN things for my kid. I ended up paying thousands of dollars (which we didn’t really have) for a crib to be shipped to us from Canada, and guess what, my kid didn’t sleep in it until she was nearly a year.
    What I did find to be indispensable though, is help and support. My mum came to stay with me for five weeks after my daughter was born and I absolutely needed that. When my daughter was little, I didn’t have a support network, and I needed one. Friends to cry with, laugh with, reassure me that things were okay, or just be a warm body in a room with me when I was lonely and needed company who didn’t also require that I wipe their bottom.
    So, you don’t really need things. You need people. Support. Friends. Help.

  24. Support is key. You can find it in surprising places. Some friends and acquaintances will come through, some good friends won’t.Beyond the regular need for emergency childcare, you need to have other adults who are around enough to help figure out what is going on with your kid whenever you have a difficult period. My mom staid 6 weeks after the birth, then came to visit 4 times a year. So she can provide support by phone. A wonderful daycare teacher diagnosed the first ear infection, when I thought it was just another fussy period. A childless friend regularly brought bagels for brunch so we could have adult company easily. Co-workers can help in surprising ways… We’ve recently moved, and now have to rebuild a network.

  25. I agree with @Kate that the most important thing is really truly wanting a child and knowing that child will always be put first. If you have that desire, then you can make anything work. It won’t be easy; it may not even be enjoyable in the slightest at times ( which can be said for any type of parenting, but I would suspect that those periods of time could be longer as a single parent) but you can do it despite financial considerations or lack of a pre-existing support system. I don’t want to sound all ‘rainbows and unicorns’ because I don’t think it would be an easy situation but I think it would be worth it in the long run.

  26. On the practical side, I wouldn’t spend money on a lot of the traditional things they tell you you “need” (stroller, swing, bouncy chair, crib, etc.) until after you have the baby. You might have a kid like both of mine who detested all of those things. Better to borrow one to try it out, or go to a big store like Toys R Us and put your baby in the floor model to see how he/she likes it.The only things I really needed for my kids for the first 6 months were some type of carrier (I loved my Ergo, my DH loved the Baby Bjorn), clothing, diapers and my boobs. They hated their crib and the co-sleeper, so we usually slept together in the bed anyway.
    What I wished I’d had but didn’t was the support network. I had lots of long-distance support from family (which ends up being mostly theoretical or email/telephone-based), but no one in my neighborhood who I could have drop by when I needed it. Now that my kids are older, I finally have a list of several friends who know and love my kids and whom could back me up on a moment’s notice, and it is like night and day. I feel like I can exhale.
    I feel like you need a network of several different types of people for support. And they need to be close, like in your town…in your neighborhood is even better.
    Anyone can be a parent, but to be a great parent, you need to parent with intent. Since you are already purusing parenting blogs and asking questions, it sounds like you’re headed in the right direction.

  27. I second the consignment shop suggestion, it has been a HUGE help for us, especially because: you truly have no idea how small/big your newborn will be and during the first year they outgrow things so quickly. Also we received (no joke) approx 10 large garbage bags full of boys’ clothing for ages 0-4; holy moly it took forever to sort through but it was definitely worth it. Besides gifts we didn’t have to buy our son a single item of clothing until fairly recently. I also second a carrier of some sort AND want to emphasize that if anyone you know has used one ask them to show you (before you have the baby) how to use it and practice it. I wish I had done that because I didn’t start using my wrap until my son was 3 months old or so and definitely would have helped if I had known how to use it from the getgo. There are decent instructional videos on the web as well.

  28. I am a single mother who made the choice to get pregnant. I have to agree with previous posters about being amazed at the people who truly offered support and assistance and those who were good friends and judged and ran away. That said, it is the best thing I ever did and I don’t regret it for a minute. Is it hard? Yes, parenting isn’t for sissies whether single or in a committed relationship.My main advice is to work out the logistics at least in your head of how everything will work. If they are sick, can you work from home? If you are sick, what are you going to do? What is your childcare situation? Do you get called in on weekends, what would you do then? Pre-planning all of the scenarios really helps alieviate the panic when something goes wrong.

  29. Best consignment store story: I bought a highchair for 21 dollars at one consignment store; when we were done, I cleaned it up well and sold it at another consignment store for more than $21 (my cut was $14).Essentially, I rented a highchair for about 7 months for $7.

  30. The only thing that really occurs to me that hasn’t already been said is this: having a (much wanted and long hoped-for) kid has made me realize just how much of an introvert I am — not something I was blythly clueless about before, either, but something parenting has really driven home. I would guess (though I don’t know) that if you are someone who gets re-energized by down time away from people rather than from being around people, that being a single parent might be *particularly* draining (relative to being an extroverted single parent). (OTOH there is an angle where there is always SOMEONE in my house who wants my attention (kid, hubby) and maybe if I were a single parent it would actually be less draining because at least once DS is in bed I would get some peace-and-quiet. I don’t actually know.). But anyway, knowing whether you are energized by being around people or the opposite may help you plan for what sort of support system(s) will work best for you. And I concur with the many who have stressed the value of a support system (when I fell and broke my arm and had to be in the hospital for surgery for 2 nights and my DH was out of town, DS went to grandma’s just down the road, peaceful and content and secure as could be, because it was a familiar setup. Priceless. Utterly priceless.).

  31. Not a single parent, but in our homeschool community as well as parenting through long-term parent illness, I notice that the people with family near have enormously easier lives, and their children have a village. People without family near–this is especially true of homeschooling, I think–have either worked very hard to build a family of friends, or experience a high degree of stress and overwhelm.Having a first baby is one of the easiest times to make new friends, close friends, dear friends… but without a partner, I think you really do need a network in place, and it would potentially even be worth moving to be near family or an established circle of close friends.

  32. Not a single parent, but both of my boys surprised me by coming weeks ahead of time when we were truly without all the “stuff” that we would’ve otherwise prepared. That said, we ran out and got a pack-and-play, diapers, and onesies and were good to go. The only other thing that I really needed was a breast pump to help get my milk established. A stroller and Ergo came along, as did hand-me-downs and some assorted baby gear as we felt we needed it.Everyone here has already mentioned support. I had tons of it, and still had a rough time adjusting to my new role as “mom”. I am so lucky to have family who still helps out all the time, and a partner to share the joys and pains of parenting with. Make sure you have someone who will be there for you when you need it, be it friend or family.

  33. Single parent here.One of the things that is really different about single parenting than coparenting is that you can’t go anywhere after bedtime. (i.e. no quick trip to the grocery store because you’re out of milk for breakfast. If your kid spikes a fever at 10:00 at night, you have to bring them with you to the pharmacy to pick up some Tylenol.) All errands have to fit in between work and bedtime.
    Child’s bedtime becomes your curfew which can be isolating. If you have an evening babysitter and you’re coming home after the child is in bed, the babysitter needs to have their own transportation (there isn’t one parent to stay with the child while the other one drives the babysitter home.)
    Absolutely find a single mothers by choice group in your area or online; people are very happy to talk to people who are at the thinking/trying stage and you get to ask all your questions and hear different solutions different people have tried.
    Yes to secondhand baby stuff. You may find that you need to buy almost nothing.
    Yes to the financial plan; especially for a single parent the will and guardianship planning are super important. And you do need to think through schedule and finances and flexibility and several layers of backup.
    DD

  34. Support, support, support… in the form of family, friends or paid kind. Diapers, car seats etc. are secondary to all of this. And a financial plan.

  35. As a parent of now 6-year old twins, I have to agree with the votes for support system. Having a reliable babysitter and people you can call to hold the baby (or babies) while you shower or use the potty in blessed peace is crucial.A small thing — I think having a wipes warmer saved my life. It made night-time diaper changes a non-issue.
    Yes also to support groups and routines.
    Don’t forget the internet — whatever you’re facing, someone else has already figured it out (diaper in the washer, how to display kid art, how to deal with “not nap,” etc.). Use the collective parental wisdom out there. I like Pinterest for collecting projects and kid-friendly recipes.
    Other than that, breathe and try to have as much fun as possible.

  36. I have found that it’s also super important to have a friend or two who is totally in to listening to the excruciating details of things like sleep and feeding. In the early days… one needs someone to help obsess over the little things.Good luck to you – parenting is a gift!

  37. Some reliable people. I have family closeby 10 mins away but they would not help. My husband is away for two nights and my dd is sick with a fever and vomiting and I am so drained. I am also supposed to flying home tommorrow. Not easy on your own. With reliable people much different I am sure.

  38. Some reliable people. I have family closeby 10 mins away but they would not help. My husband is away for two nights and my dd is sick with a fever and vomiting and I am so drained. I am also supposed to flying home tommorrow. Not easy on your own. With reliable people much different I am sure.

  39. Something simpler but oh so complicated during breast-feeding phase: food. While I was making enough milk for twins, I was literally famished all the time and obtaining quality, nutritious food was often very tough. It’s hard enough being a new mom, but like someone said above, if I was single, I wouldn’t have let that stop me either though. Good luck and keep Moxie posted!

  40. Single mom here too. The most important is a support system for sure. Family, friends, whoever, whatever. Best of luck to you!

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  42. As everyone has said, support system is really key. Join a group, rely on family and friends. For me, having my mom near by is priceless. If you do end up with twins, there are twin mom groups, too. I joined one and fellow twin moms brought us food for the 2-3 weeks. Amazing and so much appreciated.As for running errands, I would join Amazon Mom and get diapers/wipes and baby stuff shipped to your house. That saved us time (and money) in the early crazy months!
    Best of luck

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  44. Why dont parents fully edcaute the kids sex wise then hand them posters with the info to superglue to school walls handing out leaflets with the info, losting sexaul health agencies and having any teacher trying to hide then info hospitalised for censorship and pushing ignorance so the other teens get informed agaisnt the wishes of ignorant irresponsible parents.How about a war effectly started to froced schools to adopt the weuropean style sex ed policy of weekly lessons from age 4 so by 12 all have had hundreds of alessons and know it allquoteEdit: Seriously, a friggin war ? Maybe use a lighter word, like campaign As camping is to pathetic and wont work you need to force the issue hard.And there is no normal or weird but lots of difference.its just logic here smarter kids make less errors.And the normal is often stupid.It used to be normal to have segregation, thinkn the world was flat, healing the sick was witchcraft, smoking etcquoteAnd by european’ what do you mean? Because in Eastern Europe sex ed is VERY DIFFERENT than UK’s Like the neitherlands and northern westrn european countries where sex education starts age four and covers everythign and I mean everything on weekly lessons till 18 coverign all aspects of , feeling, attraction, sexaul health, contraception, emergency birth control, playgounf myth busting ie the myth that sperm dies on contact with air and pulling out works, etc etcexplicit sex education videos in more advanced lessons showing actualy sex and condom ue on a rwal penisfeaturing loving couples yes.Porn like ass bandits 4 noas unrealistric

  45. I am a 19 year old girl and I believe I have had on-off depoessirn since I was 14 or so. I never have had any friends, I never go anywhere on weekends, and I feel like I grew up too fast. I work full time at a cafe and it wears me out. I noticed my depoessirn became worse after I made ‘s with a nice young man then he suddenly stopped talking to me. It was the last straw I suppose. Ever since, I feel like I’m stuck in a box. I lost all hope for a future. I always longed for and dreamed of being someone’s lover, homemaker, and most of all a mother. I didn’t want to be anything else, just that. Now I don’t see that anymore. I give up on my dream. Because it isn’t happening. If I cannot and never have had friends how the hell can I have a or much less someone to love me?I just want to die. I feel very lonely and hopeless. I have turned to suicidal thoughts. I also cannot drive due to being a loser and scardy cat of driving, I have no plans of college because I never wanted school, just to be a mom, and no money.I do have a wonderful family and parents. I told them today that I am so depressed I want to die, and admitted I was selfish and wrong. They agreed. I feel like a terrible person. I don’t think they realize why exactly and just how sad I am.Please, how can I express it to them and show them I really need them so much? They’re all I have.

  46. PLease don’t feel like dying. You have so much potential in life. Some times the life you want just comes to you late in your life. But paelse don’t kill yourself. You say you don’t have anything you want. That doesn’t mean you never will. But if you kill yourself you guarantee that you won’t. There is so much for you at an age of 19. Maybe quit your job. Go to college or university Start a new life. Your parents probably don’t understand for two reasons. They never felt that way. And they don’t want to think that their little girl feels like committing suicide. You shouldn’t kill yourself it won’t help anyone. Especially yourself or your family.

  47. Ok, so you know when you have a toddler, and it’s their briahdty and they turn a child. Ok, so if you did a good job raising your toddler- knows how to talk, walk, and potty trained- you can pick a trait. I’m wondering does the toddler have to like the parents fully? (the green bars that show how much sims like each other) This is for Sims 3! Thanks!

  48. Dude, don’t get your girlfriend pnnaegrt. She’s going to steal all your hard earned money through the courts when you gotta pay child support if you have a kid with her or when she divorces you if you marry her.Have sex with women and then throw them aside. Have long term relationships with women but don’t ever marry them or have children with them. That’s a legal license for them to steal money from you through the courts.Do whatever the hell you want, you’re not gonna listen to my sage advice so go get screwed and fucked over and then think about where it all went wrongHint: Feminist Family Courts aren’t going to give two shits about you as a father or the hard work it took to earn all that money you made. They’ll just hand 70% or more of your assets over to your wife. Bitch

  49. First of all, as I am sure you are aware, double dog dare is a brceah of etiquette. Let’s start with a dare, then we can go to double dog dare and if things go really well we can even go to triple dog dare (if you are game). I have always wanted to bring charity into my every day life in a real way, not just giving money. I want to help people in a more personal way, which will probably expose myself in a way I am not used to. This takes bravery. People who need a lot of charity (in the form of help from others) in their lives can sometimes be a little scary and I am always hesitant to expose myself and family to this kind of uncertainty. I dare you to add this kind of charity to your everyday life. Maybe you can get help from a friend or family member in this kind of venture

  50. No, you can go to hivtest.org and get ttseed there. Its confidential and free. It offers many locations in the us and you can always bring a friend for emotional support. Its like going to your local doctor, only you don’t have to pay.Note: standard std testing does not screen for herpes, hepatitis, hsv etc. For that kind of test you need to pay fees and it helps if you have insurance.Best wishes

  51. I am late too, but wanted to add that I’ll be prnyiag for you and to encourage you to pray about it lots too. I’d also encourage you to be firm and to approach the pastor or whoever you feel is appropriate, but to do it gently as well. I am sure none of the people making you feel uncomfortable are trying to make you feel unwelcome at church, but rather that you are making them uncomfortable too and they have responded to their discomfort inappropriately and without regard for you or the baby. I think you absolutely are right here and that the rights and needs of babies to be fed when they are hungry or need comforted come ahead of any right , real or imagined, of other adults to not ever feel uncomfortable or offended. But I think that proceeding gently will yield better fruit- you catch more flies with honey!@Pure Mothers-Sorry you had a negative experience with the Catholic Church. My experience with the Catholic Church is that acceptance of breastfeeding in church varies widely from one parish to another. Officially,the Church is very supportive of breastfeeding, and in my experience more traditional parishes are more open to large families and babies and nursing in church..-= Maman A Droit s last blog .. =-.[]

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