Progress or stagnation?

Last weekend a lot of bloggers were in Miami for the Mom 2.0 conference. I was not. Instead, I took two days off work for the kickoff weekend of my second year of business school. (Did I mention that I graduate in 361 days?)

I was at school on Thursday from 9 am to 9 pm, Friday 9 am to 10 pm, and Saturday 9 am to 5 pm. I had about 250 pages of reading to do before the weekend, and two cases to prep, and arranging for my mom to take care of the kids while I wasn't there (their dad was one of the bloggers in Miami, so thank goodness for my mom). It wore me out.

But how happy am I? I'm the happiest girl in the world right now, I think, because I am making progress.

I'm writing a series this week over at Moxieville on "TV Moms We Can Learn From" and today's mom is Alice from the tv show "Alice." There are tons of reasons to love that whole show (have I told the story of falling all over myself when I met Polly Holliday who played Flo?), but the strength of Alice's character was that she took a huge derailment in her plans for progress and turned it into lemonade, and ultimately got where she wanted to be.

I have been thinking a lot lately about feeling stuck vs. feeling progress, and how for me that's always the key. If I feel like there's the possibility for movement, I can be content even if things aren't optimal. But if I feel stuck, then I'm unhappy even if things appear OK on the outside.

Where are you right now? Is there movement? Or are you feeling stuck?


(For those of you on Facebook. First, you should Like the Ask Moxie page. Then, if you're interested in a totally self-paced, self-defined, and self-rewarded summer reading challenge, Like the Summer Reading Challenge page and make your pledge of how many books you'll read between May 15 and September 15.)

48 thoughts on “Progress or stagnation?”

  1. Some stuck, some movement. Loving the conversations and interactions with the 4.5 year olds. It’s a blast to do things with them (well, most days). I love being the guide, teacher, and playmate.But right now I’m paying at work for making my children the priority for those first years. I’m feeling stuck there, but the situation will force either progress or unemployment (tenure, anyone?). So it’s a lot of late nights and weekends, since unemployment isn’t an option. Hope to be unstuck soon.

  2. Hear, hear, Clementine. This is basically my work-life balance for the past 5 years: feel like my career (if not my actual skills) is like a treadmill, like I work as hard, if not harder, but never get anywhere while I’ve made three small children in the meantime. I try to leave promptly at 5:30pm, rush supper, bedtime, etc. and then wonder if I’ve actually spent enough time with the kids. Meanwhile, my work projects threaten to boil over. I happily don’t have to worry about tenure (I’m not an academic) but unemployment is not an option for me, either, living in an expensive town. I don’t know if things will change anytime soon, since the youngest is 2.5 mo…

  3. Currently stuck with hopes of movement in the near future.We’re voluntarily leaving the house and neighborhood we both love in order to shorten DH’s commute so he can spend more time with DD and me. This is a wonderful thing, but leaving still hurts especially now that DD’s arrival meant that I’m finally making friends in the area after 6-7 years of living here.
    So ironically we’re moving forward with the process of moving while I or we, even, feel like we’re stuck in limbo until all the details get resolved.
    I am very hopeful that the offer we put in today will be successful so we will be able to start moving forward both mentally and physically!

  4. progress here – and possibly some disruptive and interesting (if scary) movement on the horizon. Mouse’s new experimental school, some strong developing career interests, some deepening practices in response to my birth family’s insanity. All good. Scared about that upcoming movement though – it may present enormous opportunities, but not in the way I’m used to.

  5. Progress: professionally, I couldn’t be happier. After a ten year break from undergrad, I am going back to school in the fall to get my Master’s in Higher Education. It is a two-year program which will allow me to land a job advising college students. I’m currently interning at my alma mater twice a week and the time I spend with staff and students is completely energizing and inspiring.Stagnation: life at home has been a constant source of stress. My husband, our two year-old, and I moved in with my folks roughly a year ago in order to save some money while I applied to grad school and stayed home to raise our son. Two months after we moved in, my mom was diagnosed with a rare dementia that affects her frontal lobe, speech and personality. So, we agreed to stay with my parents throughout the duration of my studies in order to help out at home. My mom is still able to drive and care for herself, however she has very intense mood swings and can’t seem to handle the constant commotion of a toddler. She is unaware of the severity of her condition, but she is quite depressed and it is difficult to feel like my husband and I have been thrown into this role of maintaining the balance of the household. We do all the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and any light maintenance. It’s mostly stressful between my mom and myself. I feel like we’re having a major power struggle over our role reversal and it’s not healthy for anyone.

  6. Such an interesting bit of serendipity. I was just texting with a friend about our shared sense of being in limbo:”You can’t get settled, or know what life is going to be like a few weeks from now, and you feel like you can’t make any decisions cause you don’t have enough information. And you feel out of control of your own destiny.”
    Today DD had a day of “diagnostic assessment” to see whether there’s some addressable logic behind her social and emotional difficulties this year. It’s likely that she won’t be allowed back to her school, which I LOVE, and to which she’s attached. There isn’t another good option that is a) affordable and b) nearby, and even if there was, the school didn’t tell me they didn’t want her back until it was too late to apply to most schools. Her teacher has been harping on her lack of fine motor skills all year, but when the tester interviewed her she didn’t even mention that, which sort of entrenches my sense that the teacher just doesn’t want to deal with her.
    So I’m waiting for the results of this assessment and I’m waiting to find out whether her school will take her back (with a different teacher). All of which will be revealed in the next few weeks, I think, and with any luck things will become more clear. Meanwhile, I’m in limbo and hating it.

  7. Definitely stuck. We have finally sold our house after nearly a year onthe market. There were two houses that we were interested in and we would have been happy with either. The first has been sold and the second has been taken off the market. I am haunting the estate agents and have dropped letters through people’s doors in the hoPe that they might be interested in selling but nothing. No new houses of the type we want have come to the market in the last 3 weeks. With 3 children under the age of 5 and pregnant with number 4 I am desperate to move. The only thing I can think of doing now is to do a huge clear out to tell the universe we are ready to move, so I have 3 big bags to go to a charity shop today.

  8. Progress, at least in every area but physically. I feel stuck in my personal health and fitness goals, but that’s really all up to me.This year we had: new job for me, new house, Kindergarten for oldest. Lots of changes, lots of progress.

  9. Movement! Finally learned that I could adjunct at a community college without a PhD, so I have been teaching one course a semester. DD#2 is fully entrenched in toddlerhood, and DD#1 starts Kinder in the fall. Feel like I can develop and implement a few personal goals for the first time in 5 years. WooHoo!

  10. Progress, overall (I’m running! lots!), but I am on here to send luck to @Clementine, since I am also an academic, and hugs to @Courtney.

  11. I’m feeling pretty stuck right now, but I’m trying to make peace with that since my 4 year old finishes pre-school for the year in a little more than 2 weeks and there won’t be much time for unsticking in the heat of the summer. Hoping for more movement in the fall.

  12. Some and some?Have PT work that is good (UNSTUCK, FINALLY), but because it is freelance threatens to suck up what is supposed to be kid/spouse/house time. (Afternoons & evenings)
    I cannot stay on top of housework due to lack of skill or interest, but don’t make enough $ to justify a cleaner. IMO. Also feel like an idiot when I say “I can’t clean/straighten/stay organized” because I AM AN ADULT, WHY THE HELL NOT?
    I wish I could get my husband to help more in the house. He says he wants to help me, but at the end of the day he doesn’t. I don’t want to fight about it but sometimes we do. Stupid.
    Cannot decide if I want another baby. (Read: try for one) Literally I have yes days and no days. Running out of time. This issue has been on my mind for 2 years. Way to feel like an absolute idiot. STUCK STUCK STUCK

  13. stuck? progress? I guess knowing the answer would imply that I think about my own desires and am willing or able to take steps toward achieving them. This. Is. Not. Happening. Overall, I feel fairly content, but I am so entrenched in the day-to-day that the thought of a plan seems foreign. Full time job, twins in kindergarten, loving and supportive hubby- it isn’t a long list- why isn’t there a bigger picture for me? Huh…guess I better get on that.

  14. Progress/movement here, especially on the work front (finally). Hard won after a long and painful stuck period. I feel like the stars are aligning for it all to go somewhere new/interesting, but we’ll see. For now I’m happy with basically enjoying my job again.On the home front had a momentary stuck period with 3.5 potty accident antics. At it’s worst a few weeks ago, 6-8 accidents per day& refusal to go potty. Happily things are back to a yoyo-ing phase of some accidents, no accidents…way better IMO than constant potty issues. I’ve been doing a fair number of work trips lately and DH & DS have done swimmingly well. So, overall, I’m going to call it movement on the home front.

  15. Work/life: stuck. Parenting: movement. I guess if I had to pick, I’d take that split.The almost-1-year-old is finally crawling (he’s a stroke survivor, this is a huge deal) and blowing kisses and even saying words (it is TOO a word if I knew what he meant.) And his sister isn’t beating him up as much. So that’s progress.
    Work/life: we are buried under mountains of student debt and every time I think we are finally getting there, another curve ball comes along. This week it’s the fact that my salary is being cut – no, not frozen, but an 18% cut effective 10 days ago. Ouch. I have a big expensive degree, all my family and most of my friends think I’m a rich doctor, and I’ve had one month out of the last year that didn’t end with an overdraft. I feel like I’m drowning in debt and it’s depressing. I keep thinking if I’d just quit after undergrad and found a job, we would be so much further ahead right now. I love my job, but I am working like a dog at it, I’m exhausted all the time, I miss my kids, and for what?

  16. Tengo la esperanza de que la oferta que ponemos hoy en día será un éxito por lo que será capaz de empezar a avanzar tanto mental como físicamente!

  17. Oh im sorry i wasnt replying to you buh yeah it’s right music cenaghs just like tastes. And to be honest american rnb is still the best (and im not talkin about todays pop-rnb-dance crap im talkin bout oldschool) and jap rnb is really really excellent. And im so pleased that Teryiaki Boyz released their american album lolz. American rappers should be ashamed now. Im just tired of peeps who compare jpop with kpop it’s so obvious that they’re different ^^

  18. I’ve answered this same qtisueon at least twice recently, and Doug has a point. My other answers however were to take it to a professional photo lab. For one thing they have the experience; and might also suggest and offer than a duplication be made, before any attempt at removal. Hopefully too they will suggest, as I do now, PHOTOS should never directly touch glass.Steven Wolf

  19. Submerge the photo in warm water. After removing the photo from the glass, it shloud be dipped in a product such as Kodak Photo-Flo, then hung to dry. This is a product that lessens the tension of the water on the print, and allows it to dry spot free. Just a quick dip is all it takes, then you could use a photo squeege (very carefully) on it to get most of the liquid off before drying. There are some photographic papers that will curl badly when drying. These need to be sandwiched in a drying pad, specific for the purpose. Any decent size camera store shloud have the items, or at least tell you where you can get them.When you try to peel the photo from the glass, do it *very* slowly. If it sticks too much, don’t force it, and give it more time in the water. I have soaked photos for two or three days before being successful. Occasionally, there will be a print that will not release, but most of them will.Next time, mat the photo so it will not touch the glass.

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  21. [..YouTube..] Hey Baz really good avidce. It’s all about variety as well. There’s definitely a place for white backgrounds, but if it was all about white backgrounds people would definitely get bored. We film outside inside, wherever we happen to be!Greg and Fiona Scott

  22. [..YouTube..] Hi Baz, great video, I’ve been following you for some time on You Tube and I think you are a very geunine guy. I would definitely join you in any business. Sorry for the late feedback, have been so busy. Your location looks beautiful, keep up the great work, best wishes, Catherine ? ? ?

  23. [..YouTube..] Hi Baz, great video, I’ve been following you for some time on You Tube and I think you are a very geniune guy. I would definitely join you in any business. Sorry for the late feedback, have been so busy. Your location looks beautiful, keep up the great work, best wishes, Catherine ? ? ?

  24. [..YouTube..] Hi Baz, great video, I’ve been following you for some time on You Tube and I think you are a very gnuniee guy. I would definitely join you in any business. Sorry for the late feedback, have been so busy. Your location looks beautiful, keep up the great work, best wishes, Catherine ? ? ?

  25. I’m not an expert or aiythnng but I’m just going to throw an idea out there. Maybe if you get a tub of hot, steamy water and hold the picture over it for a while, the steam may unstick the picture from the frame. Now, I have no clue if this works so please only attempt this if you are desperate or as a last resort.

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