Today we need to knock out another six first-round matchups. Read the description of each problem in the pair, then vote for the one you think sucks more than the other. MY DESCRIPTIONS ARE ONLY FOR EFFECT, and you should vote on how bad YOU feel each problem is, not based on my description of it. Voting runs midnight to midnight, EDT.
15. Your child bites another child vs. Mother-in-law second-guesses you
16. Leave the house without any diapers or wipes in the bag vs. GERD
17. Your sister's baby sleeps 8 hours at 6 weeks old vs. Asked if you're your baby's nanny
18. Co-sleeping in a queen size bed vs. Pet wakes baby from nap
19. Waitlisted at daycare vs. Partner can't soothe baby
20. Carrying baby and bump its head against the wall by accident vs. Child puts golf ball down toilet and plumber can't get it out
Your child bites another child
You arrive at preschool pick-up and the teacher meets you with a serious look on her face. Your child has bitten another child in the class. Not enough to break the skin, but the other child cried, and your child is visibly upset. You see the mother of the bitten child rushing her child out of school. She sees you and gives you a look of pure hatred.
Mother-in-law second-guesses you
Things were ok–not great, but ok–between you and your mother-in-law, until the baby came. Now you're become stupid, apparently, because she can't stop telling you you're doing everything wrong. And going on and on about how your partner never had any of these problems as a baby, and how parents "these days" create so many problems no one used to have. If you didn't love your partner so much…
Leave the house without any diapers or wipes in the bag
Whoa, big poop! It's nice to be someplace with an actual changing table, though. You open the diaper and assess the damage while reaching into your diaper bag for the pack of wipes, which suddenly don't seem to be there? And wait, no diaper, either? The only diaper you have is filled with poop.
Puking, crying, not gaining weight. Oh, and how about the not being able to stay asleep? And did we mention the puking? And you have no idea how long it will take for the baby to grow out of it, if the baby ever does grow out of it? And the meds may or may not even help?
Your sister's baby sleeps 8 hours at 6 weeks old
After months and months of struggling with sleep with your baby, your sister has a baby who sleeps through the night at 6 weeks old. She, of course, thinks this is normal, and now wonders what is wrong with you.
Asked if you're your baby's nanny
Even when you were nursing the baby in public, people asked you if you were the baby's nanny! Aside from a shocking lack of knowledge of the possibilities of genetics, it's just rude. (If you've BTDT and still need the t-shirt, here are two: "I am NOT the nanny" and "NTN" created by a long-time AskMoxie reader.)
Co-sleeping in a queen size bed
A queen size bed is 60 inches (152 cm) across. That leaves 40 inches (100 cm) for your toddler, and 10 inches (26 cm) each for you and your partner.
Pet wakes baby from nap
15 minutes of nursing followed by the motionless contortioned transfer to the crib, followed by the Silent Ninja exit from the baby's room resulted in nap success. All until that !@#$% cat walked right into the baby's room and meowed loudly. Count one, two, three, and cue the crying.
Waitlisted at daycare
Very cordially-worded email from the daycare near your office telling you that you've been placed on their waitlist and they'll let you know when a spot opens up. You're going back to work in three weeks. Now what do you do??
Partner can't soothe baby
It's funny, because you thought you'd chosen someone resourceful and capable, but your partner doesn't seem to be able to figure out how to soothe your baby or stop the crying, despite lessons from you, plenty of alone time with just the two of them, and all the pumped milk in the world. You are beginning to think it's all an act, and are wondering if you will ever be able to leave the house at bedtime until this kid goes away to college.
Carrying baby and bump its head against the wall by accident
You don't know which is worse, the recriminations you give yourself for being so STUPID as to bump your baby's head against the wall or doorframe, the baby's crying because its head hurts, or the fear of telling anyone that you bumped your baby's head.
Child puts golf ball down toilet and plumber can't get it out
Seriously? It is 2012 and not only are toilets built to be the exact size of a golf ball but there is no technology that will push a golf ball out of the neck of a toilet without cracking the toilet? And the only solution is to buy and install an entirely new toilet? You are freaking kidding me.
We are in the home stretch! Voting tomorrow and the next day and we'll be finished with Round 1. Good job, everyone.