Today we need to knock out the penultimate six first-round matchups. Read the description of each problem in the pair, then vote for the one you think sucks more than the other. MY DESCRIPTIONS ARE ONLY FOR EFFECT, and you should vote on how bad YOU feel each problem is, not based on my description of it. Voting runs midnight to midnight, EDT.
21. You stink like sour milk vs. Business trip when your baby's under 6 months old
22. Baby sleeps through night but you have insomnia vs. Mommy drive-by from friend
23. Food allergy vs. Woken up more than two times in an 8-hour stretch
24. Potty training vs. SAHM shunned by WOHMs at school
25. Asked "When are you due?" when baby is a year old vs. You mix tomorrow's formula bottles and forget to put them in the refrigerator overnight
26. Crib in a bedroom allllll the way down the hall vs. Mommy drive-by from stranger
You stink like sour milk
All the time, every time you catch a whiff of yourself you stink like sour milk. It's been months now, and you wonder if there will ever be a time when you don't smell like the dairy cooler at a sketchy bodega.
Business trip when your baby's under 6 months old
It's not just the hassle of travel, or of making sure everything's all ready for your baby for while you're gone, or worrying about your partner doing everything, or worrying about your baby missing you. It's missing your baby while you're gone, and having no one to talk to about it on the road.
Baby sleeps through night but you have insomnia
After months and months and months and months of constant wake-ups, your child is magically sleeping through the night. And now you wake up at 3 am every night, and can't get back to sleep for hours. You're as tired as you were with a newborn, but your child is sleeping through the night. You don't know what's wrong with you, and you feel guilty and resentful about not sleeping.
Mommy drive-by from friend
She was the last person you thought would drop a bomb like that, intimating that you're a shitty mother, and then take off so you can't even talk about it or defend yourself. You're not sure you want to talk to her again, and don't know what you're going to do the next time she wants to hang out.
Eating nothing but chicken breast, white rice, and sweet potato doesn't sound that bad until you're in Day 8. It's worth it, though, to see what it is that's making your baby scream and scream after every feeding and break out in an angry red rash. Once you find out, you know what you can't eat for the next year, and what you'll have to scramble to make sure your child doesn't accidentally eat someplace else. If only you knew if your child would ever grow out of the allergy, or if it was permanent.
Woken up more than two times in an 8-hour stretch
You go to sleep immediately after the dream feed at 11 to try to catch a few hours, but then you're awakened at 12:30, 2, and 4. And then the baby's up for the day at 7. You'd be drooling at your desk if only your body remembered how to drool.
You couldn't wait to be freed of diapers, but now this process is stretching on forever, and your child seems no closer to being in actual underpants than they were a few months ago. You can't count the puddles of pee you've wiped up or the laundry you've done, and would put the kid right back into diapers if they didn't have to be trained before preschool starts in three months…
SAHM shunned by WOHMs at school
They all stand together at the fundraiser in their suits and nice shoes, having come straight from work. During drop-off they run in and out, off to someplace important so they can use their college degrees, never sparing a glance for the mom in yoga pants who's going home to put the baby down for a nap. You were probably in grad school at the same time, but now they don't seem to think you exist.
Asked "When are you due?" when baby is a year old
And then the cashier looked at you with bright, friendly eyes and asked, "When are you due? It will be so nice for your little sweetie to have a brother or sister!" You go home and throw the clothes you were wearing into the garbage immediately.
You mix tomorrow's formula bottles and forget to put them in the refrigerator overnight
All that money. All that work. And the worst part is that you didn't discover the bottles until you tried to take them out of the refrigerator to pack them, so now you're late to daycare drop-off and work because you have to mix up replacement bottles.
Crib in a bedroom allllll the way down the hall
Your brain struggles to pull you back to consciousness as you hear the wailing coming through the monitor. You slowly swing your feet out from under the warm covers to the cold floor, then hoist yourself out of bed to begin the long trek down the hall to retrieve your crying baby. Do you sit up in the glider to rock them back to sleep? Or go back into your bed and fall asleep with the baby there, then remember to wake up to transfer the baby back to the crib? It's so much easier to decide when it's light outside.
Mommy drive-by from stranger
Honestly, what on earth would make someone say something so judgmental and hurtful to someone they don't even know as they pass by on the street? People are horrible.
Tomorrow's the last day of Round 1 voting! Vote early and often!