Goals and/or Changes for 2012

I skipped the Year in Review post, because my entire life changed and it would have been a bit unwieldy.

So how about some goals and changes for 2012? Write them down here, either with your name or anonymously, and then check back during the year to make sure you're staying on track.

Here are mine:

* Keep listening to my sons. They are more relaxed and chatty than they were last year, but this year we go into fifth grade, and I'm scared of the tween years. I have to be the one who stays open and keeps the connection going.

* Keep it up with the exercise. I feel my mind changing as much as my body is.

* Figure out how to balance school with everything else, including work, Ask Moxie, exercising, and reading books.

* Keep paying down divorce debt. I may be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

* Be a better friend.


And now for the SMART goals (specific, measurable, actionable, reasonable, timebound):

* Eat 6 servings of vegetables 5 days a week.

* Read one non-school, non-work-related book each month. (I read exactly zero last year, so one a month will be an improvement.)

* Do one field-trip-like acctivity with the kids each month to take advantage of living in Michigan.


Now you go!

41 thoughts on “Goals and/or Changes for 2012”

  1. * Get back into shape. Two years ago I was running 3-4 miles 3-4x a week. Now that would kill me. Fix this.(Also, figure out what to do in the hot summer, which is what derailed me in the first place.)
    * Cook more. Crappy kitchen situation + fussy child = way more sandwiches than I feel comfortable with. Kitchen renovation supposed to be finished by the end of the month. Once I can make rice without burning it, I hope to get back on track.
    * Figure out a way to feel more comfortable in my second language. It will probably feel worse before it feels better. Grow up and deal with it.
    * Find more work that pays what I am worth, instead of feeling like I have to accept every offer, no matter how small.

  2. Mine consist of:-No more snacking after dinner. I’m hoping to get my husband on board with this, as well.
    -Keep up my daily exercise/yoga, which seems to be necessary to ward off my upper tailbone pain.
    -Make diligent use of the gym membership I asked for and got for Christmas. This will include biking there and back, as well. A friend and I agreed to do a 65-mile ride scheduled for June. He’s already in shape for it. I haven’t been in riding shape like that for a few years now.
    -Do some serious gardening. DD is big enough to be helpful, and I hate not finding the stuff I want in the stores, and paying the prices they charge if it is available.
    -Find what I must find to be gainfully employed and fulfilled. This is so difficult in a country where they won’t really look at you if you don’t have an education from one of the schools here, and don’t believe in networking and learning on the job. I hate this.

  3. I am not much of a resolution-maker overall, but this year I would really love to figure out a way to own my self-description. I have become so tired of getting asked at parties and gatherings “so what do you do?” My answer is either child/SAHM-centric or 6 years old (I used to do x…). I want to find a way to describe myself that is accurate, current, and about ME.

  4. Of course I have my usuals about getting back to Weight Watchers and working out more, but the main goal is that my family and I are making 2012 The Year of Less Consumption.In December I went through a number of drawers/closets, and I realized we own TOO MUCH STUFF. Not only is the quantity of clutter upsetting to my mental health, but continually acquiring more material belongings is not good for the environment.
    It’s hard to translate any of this into SMART goals, because we still have to function in the real world, and sometimes unforeseen situations necessitate various purchases. But basically the goals are:
    (1) Choose reusable over disposable whenever reasonable/tolerable (e.g., reusable water bottles good, reusable toilet paper bad); (2) Choose second-hand, again when reasonable to do so; (3) Emphasize experiences over material goods, for ourselves and as gifts.
    Wishing everyone a wonderful 2012!

  5. Mine is to survive the unwanted divorce my partner is thrusting on me and to come out the other side smarter and stronger.

  6. (Posted before I was done). The SMART version of that is that the only tears I want to cry next holiday season are of joy.

  7. I love everybody’s goals, but I’m commenting for Sarah. I read your brief comment, Sarah and just had to give you a virtual hug. I was going to tell you that nearly four years ago, on such and such a date, I withstood The Conversation about the unwanted divorce my partner was thrusting on me in 2008 (took til 2010 to finish; expect about 2 years). But then I realized, after surviving it all, helping my kids survive it (because for them the divorce will NEVER be over), and remarrying in March with a cheering Moxie present, I CAN’T REMEMBER THE DATE. Feb. twentysomethingish? I don’t know, and someday some of the horrible details that seem etched on your heart indelibly (some of them still are, believe me!) will grow softer and dissolve. You will get there. In the meantime, make as much lemonade as you can, literally if need be. And check out “lemonade queen” on youtube. Strength! Serenity! Hugs! And you’ve found a loving, supportive corner of the blogosphere.

  8. 1) Have baby number 4 (yep, we’ve decided to go for it, any words of wisdom from mothers of four welcome).2) Get another book published. I have been overjoyed that my first book has been published and the first print run has sold out. As a stay at home mum who has left one career behind, it is incredibly exciting to be building another and I want to take another step in 2012.
    3) Exercise. I need to go from zero exercise to some but to accept that if I get pregnant any exercise will completely disappear.
    I am also inspired by Shannon’s post about 2012 being the year of less consumption. I’m feeling overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in our too small house. Clearing out and organising and not buying sounds good.

  9. Lemonade Queen, thank you. Your wedding (last year now!) was so filled with love. I can’t imagine how much smaller your life would have been had your cowardly ex not forced a divorce on your whenever that was. So glad to be able to be part of your joy and so have the privilege of seeing you become who you’re supposed to be. Sarah, you will come out of this stronger and happier.

  10. Hugs to @Sarah.My theme for 2012 is similar to @Shannon – for me it’s the Year of Less. Not just consumption, but weight. I’ve been carrying around a LOT of extra weight and need to buckle down. I finally found a way to eat that works for me, now I just need to stay on top of the planning.
    Less stuff. Not crazy minimalist or anything, but just *less*.

  11. 2011 was a year of big changes – mostly good ones, but any change is stressful. New job with longer commute, child starting Kindergarten, major home renovation, new car, etc…My goals for 2012 are to take it easy and try not to stress so much – especially over the good or small things. I’m hoping for no major changes this year, although I know one can’t plan on these things. But even the little things like getting dinner on the table or navigating through the clutter in my house make my shoulders and neck tense.
    I need to focus on relaxing more and doing some stretches. I joined the gym at my new office and hope to go at least once per week. Another goal is to make more of an effort on my relationship with my husband. I’d like to plan on more, ahem, intimate time, but this needs to be a collaboration. I should probably mention this to him!
    Happy 2012 everyone!

  12. First of all, hugs to Sarah – believe me if you were asked for a divorce you need one. There is happiness and peace after the end of a marriage – you just need some time on your own to find it and heal from the hurt (aka don’t rush into dating and relationships).My goals in 2012 are:
    To keep working my Consulting gig – I really enjoy it and the flexibility it provides. That being said – if DH doesn’t find a job with benes then I’m going to need to reconsider that.
    Be more positive – I find myself angry a lot of the time and hopefully will find a way to reverse that. (Gee, I’d love a therapist – but no insurance!)
    Get my daughter to graduate first grade -she’s struggling and it’s so hard to watch this. We are working with her and have hired an excellent tutor. However, it’s really all up to her. that’s a big burden to put on a 6 year old.
    My SMART goals is to read at least 1 book a month and to end 2012 at least 10 lbs lighter than I am now. Living healthier and getting some excercize should get me there.
    I reached a lot of goals this year (fix up the basement, go to Disney, start a new business, paint the house, be more social, improve the wiring of the house (we were very house focused because my end goal is to sell it and move to a better town with better schools)

  13. Thank you all, but especially Lemonade Queen. I’m a long time Moxie reader but rare commenter, so I appreciate all the encouragement I can get. I truly believe I will be better off because of it, but the pain right now is pretty overwhelming. (I’m also thankful that you guys don’t mind some slight hijacking of Moxie’s optimistic post).

  14. My goals are:1) Having my 2nd boy. My boys will be 19 months apart. My goal is to not stress and be easy breezy. I know lots of moms do this… But I’m a bit nervous to be a SAHM to 2 under 2! 🙂
    2) Be a more laid back wife. Let things go. Pick only the important battles.
    3) Keep one on one time with my first baby boy. Every. Day. Even if its only for a tiny bit when things are so crazy in the early days.
    4) Brush my teeth TWO times a day.

  15. My goals are to exercise at least 2x a week, to eat smaller portions, to get a new job as my current place feels like a sinking ship, and to pay more specific attention to my marriage/husband (more date nights, etc).

  16. Been focusing on positivity and gratitude since November, and will continue to do so. It does make your life better. The only thing is, being grateful and positive doesn’t always come naturally. You have to WORK at it. You have to make the effort to focus on what is great, joyful, and working well. So I’m doing that!

  17. This is my first time posting on a blog–ever! I have been reading Ask Moxie on and off for several years, after stumbling upon it while looking for advice about helping my daughter (now 3) to get more sleep. I have been impressed by the intelligence and wisdom of the people who post here, and the absence of judgemental comments. I figured it’s time to stop lurking in the shadows.So without further ado, here are my goals for 2012:
    -I would like to end 2012 feeling less angry than I began it. Most of my anger these days seems to be directed at my husband–not all of it deserved, he just seems to be the easist target at the moment. I need to dig deeper to get at the root of it and find ways to work with it so it doesn’t consume me and our marriage.
    -Do my at-home yoga practice at least 3x per week.
    -Set better limits: with my daughter, my in-laws, at work.
    -Find time for peaceful and replenishing activities.
    -De-clutter our condo, reducing our possessions by about 1/3.
    Happy new year to all.

  18. * Minimize my anger and impatience, esp at the kids.* Exercise – any kind, any amount.
    * Go to church more regularly.
    * Decide about having #3. Normally, this would be a no-brainer (we both want a #3), but our current family circumstances would necessitate some dramatic change and major sacrifice in order for #3 to happen. The clock is ticking on this one.

  19. I’m with Ara. I too have been lurking for a while but have never posted – in part because I usually read on my phone, while nursing, when typing is possible but not as easy.I too love the site for many reasons: the nonjudgmentalness she mentions, the community of smart, thoughtful moms (which I’ve found surprisingly hard to find), and especially the much-much-needed alternative to one-size-fits-all parenting advice.
    Lots of the goals here have resonated with me – clearing clutter, living healthy, reading more, seeking out better work – but especially Ara’s goal of reducing anger toward her husband. This is also my largest challenge at the moment: My partner is not without flaws, but he’s patient and kind and unfailingly willing not only to contribute as much as he can to raising our now 5-month-old boy but also to work on his flaws. I try of course too, but some days I go from 0 to 60 so fast and so unexpectedly that I wonder whether the triggers aren’t partly chemical/hormonal. I’d really like to get that under control.
    Anyway, I don’t want to hijack the thread, so I’ll add one more goal for the year: to devote as much to developing my own interests now, as a wife and partner, as I did when I was single (at least to the extent that that’s possible, given the obvious constraints…)

  20. @Erin, good luck with your decision. We are in the same boat, but due to work stuff and other factors (including one of the children we already have), it’s been temporarily-to-permanently tabled. (At my behest, which caused a few epic fights.) As much as you can be in your late 30s and “temporarily” table it.

  21. I would like to get more sleep, take full advantage of opportunities to make a bigger professional impact (I’m speaking at SXSW! Yikes!), and keep helping my daughter’s startup experimental school become what it can be. I’d like to be kinder to myself and less fearful. Objectively I’m fairly sure I’m not a useless fake, but I need to own that at an emotional level. Oh and I articulated my deep 2012 hopes to a friend and counselor as healing, harmony, and a little bit of sense. Plus, learn to ski.

  22. Goals, probably not specific and measurable:1. More patience, less anger. With both husband and four year old. But I’m pregnant and off my SSRIs, so this one is going to be tough. But with both relationships, the anger is mostly about me, not them, so it’s an unfair, poisonous kind of a thing.
    2. Find ways (including my new therapist) to manage the transition from 1 to 2 kids. Kid #1 will be 4.5 with #2 is born. I have my own attachment issues that make me think I am doing something horrible to #1 and forever ruining his life and he will hate me forever, so I am hoping to work intensively during this pregnancy and after the birth to get square with myself about all this — that is, to separate my own issues from those of my son.

  23. Goals for 2012:*take the next step in my career (or slightly shift my path). Onward & upward.
    *more and regular date nights with DH
    * organize our schedule & parenting duties so that regular exercise is possible. Then do it.
    *do more active things with DS on the weekend
    *clean out the back closet & room (the Achilles heel of our house) with DH by March
    *connect with more friends in person
    On New Year’s Eve I texted a friend that I was declaring 2012 the Year of More Sleep for Parents. Like we have any control…but it can’t hurt!

  24. Moxie, thanks for a place to verbalize my goals for the new year. I have a couple of them:*Finalize my divorce and move on.
    *Pay off one of the big debts left from the marriage.
    *Continue with my exercise routine (5-6 times per week) and participate once a week in the boot-camp classes offered through my place of work’s “Biggest Loser” competition. This scares me.
    *Commit one random act of kindness each week. My DS’s homework calendar for the month of December was a bunch of suggestions for random acts of kindness we could perform during the month. The ones we did (about 1/2 the month’s worth) made me feel so good, I want to try to keep doing it through the year.
    *Spend more intentional time with my kids. Pushing them on the swing at the park instead of just taking them there. Reading books with them instead of just directing them to read, etc.
    *Spend some time each day writing. One of these days I’m going to write a book. Maybe that will be next year’s resolution.

  25. Speak to others as you would have them speak to you – especially kids and hubby.Be more present when I read. Either give it my 100% or don’t bother reading it at all.

  26. Find a full-time job. And have that job not suck? I know we can find a way to make it all work, but I have been scared to plunge into FT. Not much of a choice anymore.Handle the divorce that seems to be on the horizon with grace. It isn’t being forced on me (I am a different Sarah than above). I think it is the right thing for the rest of my life. But God, it’s scary.
    Pay off debt.
    Figure out quality time regularly.And how to handle joint custody. Deep breaths.
    work harder on building up my friendships. I’m going to need them.

  27. Exercise. Any amount would be better than the none I am doing now. Set a physical goal and reach it.Take more pleasure in my family despite the usual headaches.
    Work harder at work, grateful to have a job I like.
    Be more patient and silly with big girl.
    Clean out embarrassing “Hoarders”-like upstairs closet.

  28. I always feel like resolutions at the New Year just mean I’m setting myself up to fail … but I can’t stop thinking about all the things I want to “work on” anyway, so here goes:-Become more efficient at working from home, so I no longer have to rely on my MIL to watch my daughter so often.
    -Start jogging with the toddler (even though I hate running w/ a jogging stroller, it’s got to be better than nothing).
    -Stop letting the toddler (ok, and me) eat so much sugar – I honestly never expected to be the mom who’ll give her 15-month old a bite of ANYTHING just to get her to eat SOMETHING.
    -Continue to monitor my stress and anger levels and see a therapist if/when I need it.
    -Stop buying so much. (For anyone else with this problem, I just heard on NPR the other day that this one could be a control issue – which would make so. much. sense in my case, because I’ve always been so good at not purchasing stuff I don’t need or really want – until I had a baby, quit my job, and started trying to juggle a freelance career with SAHM-hood. Now I can’t seem to resist … stuff. It’s awful, because I can see it as a true pathology in my MIL, and I can’t stand it. I would be horrified if that was me in 10 or 20 years!)
    -Find the strength to try for that next baby I really want but am terrified will ruin the delicate and mostly positive balance our family seems to have achieved after the first one.
    -See the Hunger Games in an actual movie theater (nobody said I couldn’t have one that was fun 🙂

  29. – Get back in shape. I’m 7 months postpartum and not happy with how I feel. I’m toeing the line of depression as well and I know exercise would help.- Get our financial house in order, starting with saving a fixed amount each month. I have a huge business expense coming in January 2013 and I would love it if we could avoid taking out a loan for it. That’s my goal. (I’ve figured it out in savings/week and I’m not sure it’s do-able, but we’re going to give it a shot.)
    – Shut off the computer. I’m really struggling in my relationship with my 2-year-old daughter, who prefers Daddy to me by miles. It breaks my heart. And I wonder how much of it is that I am often surfing the web while she plays instead of actually engaging. So: computer off when kids are awake, new rule.
    – And, somehow I am going to find time (ha ha) to actually have a hobby again. I feel like my whole identity right now is mom/wife/job/house and while I love all four, sometimes I wish I had a little corner of my life for me. I wouldn’t trade any of the other four for that but I wish I could find a way to fit it in.

  30. In the past 13 months, I’ve moved 1200 miles, started a new job, gotten unexpectedly pregnant, been dumped, decided to have the baby, and bought a house.The baby is now due in a few weeks. In 2012, I want to enjoy the baby as much as I can and cut myself as much slack as I can. Those aren’t specific or measurable, but you know, they’re what I’m up for at this point.

  31. Moxie – I didn’t realize you live in Michigan! We just moved here! If you’re anywhere nearby, you should check out the Leslie Science and Nature Center…I’m the new director there. It’s a great place to go for a hike, you can see our raptors (bald eagle, owls, hawk) for free and if you’re so inclined, join us for a public program. You’re welcome anytime :)My one measurable, attainable goal echos one of yours: 3-4 servings of vegetables every.single.day. So far, so good!

  32. I haven’t read all of the comments but the “not yelling/getting angry at husband and kids” I can completely relate to and something I truly want for my family. A lot of this for me is letting go of this idealized notion that life will start/be right when the house is clean and everything is “just so”. It’s just that my sanity is so tied to having things in order. It comes down to having too much stuff. I heard the Frugalista on NPR yesterday and she has been doing a no buy February for years. It was very inspiring. You basically just buy food, gas, pay your bills and as she said of course doctor visits, car repairs if needed. But “not even a gumball” as she puts it. I want to try this. Also, last thing, my husband and I watched “Fat Sick and Nearly Dead” last night. Wow. We bought a juicer (not February yet!) I won’t be doing a juice fast (still nursing) but I want to incorporate green smoothies into my diet.

  33. My biggest one is stop THINKING and start DOING! I spent so much time thinking about how to be better mom, spend active time with my kid, lose weight, bring back our sex life to where it used to be before baby, find info about more education…..could go forever. So I want to start doing little every day, every little try helps, right?!

  34. I am so excited to see some new names posting for the first time! Welsome to the Moxieverse! And to the first Sarah (who doesn’t want her divorce), peace and strength to you, sister. Moxie hasn’t written too much about hers, but the comments on the posts where she has mentioned it are very, very enlightening.We just moved 300 miles away from the area where I’ve lived my WHOLE LIFE, so I’m starting from sctratch with just about everything in my life except the huz and the childers. My goal for 2012 is to build our life here based upon lessons learned from our life before, which will result in better balance and more mindfulness. I’m also going to try to work out at home with On Demand workouts on the TV. My goal is to do this each day it’s too cold to walk outside, so the frequency will vary.
    Moxie, I would love to see a followup post to this one in, like, 6 weeks, then 3 months, then 6 months or something. Not so much for accountability, but just for updates.

  35. I’m expecting baby #2 this March and started my own law practice just a year ago in a new town/state where I knew nobody. How I am going to accomplish ALL of the following goals, I know not…but here goes:(1) Take 5-8 weeks full-time maternity leave AND reduce my son’s pre-school days from 5 to 3 days per week to afford my maternity leave.
    (2) GENTLY ease the new baby into a loving, workable, affordable childcare arrangement, preferably not to start full-time until at least 18 months.
    (3) Add $10k to my gross income from my law practice. (Hubby thinks I can NET 5x my NET from 2011, which would mean I’d need to gross about $30k more, but I think he’s deranged. How does one generate business momentum while on maternity leave?)

  36. Mine also include reading more. I feel as though I’m not reading enough so I have moved mine up from one book a month to two. I also want to start a kickboxing exercise program in addition to my already 4 day per week cardio program. I also want to expand my business and open a store this year instead of just my online presence. Hopefully everything will work out as planned.http://myamaternity.blogspot.com

  37. Good articles and thanks for sharing! But it’s so weird that you blog is in a mess through my new Firefox. I dont think it’s my explore problem? Beacuse it’s pretty normal when visit other websites.

  38. Thank you all, but especially Lemonade Queen. I’m a long time Moxie reader but rare commenter, so I appreciate all the encouragement I can get. I truly believe I will be better off because of it, but the pain right now is pretty overwhelming. (I’m also thankful that you guys don’t mind some slight hijacking of Moxie’s optimistic post).

  39. My goals are to exercise at least 2x a week, to eat smaller portions, to get a new job as my current place feels like a sinking ship, and to pay more specific attention to my marriage/husband (more date nights, etc).

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