Asking for support: Sick baby rejects mom

Johanna writes:

"I'm writing mostly to get words of support from your readers. I'm finding myself unable to go directly to friends because I don't know how to communicate such an out-of-the-norm scenario: my baby doesn't like me, doesn't feel comforted by me.

My son is 17 months and has some sort of undiagnosed health trouble. He has a pretty long list of food allergies and intolerances and it seems as though he has some sort of related or unrelated GI disease, but we haven't been able to diagnose him yet. He spends a lot of time seemingly in pain, a lot of time angry as hell, furiously tearing at me, throwing anything he can get his hands on, and hitting me. He also spends a lot of time just fine, which is sort of a mind-f*ck. It confuses me and it leads the doctors to conclude that he's actually fine, maybe a bit moody. But when he's raging it is crystal clear to me that it is abnormal, that it is because of physical pain or discomfort, that it is happening out of desperation. Additionally, he periodically loses weight, refuses food and bottles, and a long list of other frustrating and scary symptoms. It's been a saga, but I won't bore you all with it here!

Here's the problem I need support for – when he's raging and his health problem is flaring, he seems to absolutely hate me. He begs for his Daddy, reaches for him desperately, hits me, won't let me care for him, cries nearly to the point of vomiting until I hand him over. When he is in pain or otherwise struggling he walks past me, turning his little shoulders away against my outstretched arms, and begs Daddy to pick him up. He pinches me, scratches my face, yells at me, and then goes to Daddy, rests his head on his shoulder and is comforted. I know that this is what it is and I need to just let him get what he needs in whatever way he needs it.

But it's ripping me to shreds. I carried this baby in my body, I have shared nighttime duty as he's been up at least once — last night 8 times — for nearly every night of his life, I nursed him for 9 months and then mercifully weaned him so that he could, briefly, feel better. I don't know how to continue living if my baby hates me. Now, I know that he doesn't *hate* me. He's too little to hate. But the force of his frustration with me and rejection of me takes my breath away and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Dealing with the sleuthing necessary to find a diagnosis for his pain, the fallout with my older child, my marriage, and my health, AND stomaching the nearly wholesale rejection of me by one of my beloved children is about to break me.

Has anyone been through this before with a sick child? Did it end? Is it normal? Have I done something wrong?"

This tears me up for you. I remember distinctly feeling like I wasn't connecting with my younger son, like I was the wrong mother for him. He wasn't sick, but he seemed to be on a different emotional vibration or something than I was, and nothing I did was what he needed. Keeping on showing up even when I thought I was the wrong mother was horrible, and it still makes me feel like crying when I remember it.

It has gotten better, and what was a fierce pushing away is now a fierce pulling toward. I hope that the same thing happens for you, and I think it will, once the discomfort is over. It sounds like he's just drawn a division in his head, and you're on one side and your husband is on the other, and he won't be able to let you onto the good side until he feels better.

Has anyone else been through this with a sick child? How did you manage your emotions? And when did it get better?

305 thoughts on “Asking for support: Sick baby rejects mom”

  1. All I have for Johanna is support in that you’re doing the best you can.I’ll go all rainbows on you for a second: Perhaps it is a good thing that he associates you with the good times. He wants to go to you when he feels good and doesn’t want you around when he feels bad. He’s not rejecting you and your comfort. He’s saving you for when he can enjoy you more.

  2. My best friend went through this until her son Max was old enough to talk. My friend’s type of comfort was different from her husband’s and Max just needed her husband’s form of comfort. Until Max was 3 he had trouble processing the world around him. Sounds were too loud, colours too extreme and when he went through his bouts of overstimulation, his dad was a calming influence who was able to just be quite with Max in the way he needed it. My friend’s energy is more “hot” than her husband’s if that makes sense. She always seems to be buzzing with an energy – amazing athletic and exuberant energy that added to Max’s overstimulation. Now that Max is older and able to explain when he needs to be quiet and when he wants to be in the company of others my friend and her son have a much stronger bond. They connect in ways Max can’t with his dad because they have common interests in athletic endeavors and my friend can rough play and talk about pokeman for hours with Max.I hope you find this type of bond in the future when your son is old enough to communicate his needs verbally. Until then, hang in there and good luck. I hope you find some medical help that can give you some answers.

  3. I don’t know anything about the health portion of what your son is going through, but I do have two sons and 17 months on-the-dot is when they both got an intense need and preference for daddy’s care over mine, even though I stayed home with each boy for a year and did the night time care and nursing etc. So to me the preference for daddy sounds completely age appropriate.Hugs to you.

  4. I may be talking completely out my ass, but if your son associates you with nursing and nursing with pain, then perhaps you can work on changing his association?But I don’t know how to go about that except to try to follow his cues when he is feeling better. When he’s not feeling better, just be available to him?
    Sending you so many hugs, and hopes that it all will get better.

  5. I can speak for the opposite side which is my daughter’s strong dislike for my husband and preference for only me. Our way around is that I sit next to him on the sofa while holding her and we attempt to soothe her together. It’s not a guarantee that it’ll work, but so far it’s the best we can do.So much support and strength for you!
    Randomly, have you tried a pediatric allergist? They’ll probably have you keep a food journal and such but a doctor like that would be far less likely to write you off just because the good times come (and far more likely to understand how bad the bad times get).

  6. Now my DD is 14 months so I’ve only seen glimpses of this, but the first thing that came to my mind was that he’s raging against you because he feels so secure with you. If he’s in physical pain, and he doesn’t have the words or emotional capacity to express it otherwise, it makes sense to me that he’d rage against the thing about which he feels most secure. (A way more extreme version of being a brat for you but an angel for the babysitter.)And then of course there’s Daddy for the comforting bit. I don’t doubt for a second that it’s an impossible situation for you, but to me, his behavior sounds like an acting out against you because he has no other way to express what he’s going through. I would take the intensity of his rejection as the intensity of what he’s going through, and the fact that it’s heaped upon you, a sign of his confidence that you will always love him.
    I don’t mean to sound all rainbows and butterflies, but honestly that’s how I’m reading this, and I hear it’s developmentally appropriate for this age.

  7. My son had celiac disease, although I am not sure this had anything to do with it, but he has always had a STRONG preference for his father. It’s still that way, but it has gotten much much better. (He’s almost 5 now). At times he definitely needs and asks for me, and we do our own little special things especially before bedtime that he doesn’t really want his dad for. This probably isn’t helpful, but it also helped me SO much when I had my second (a daughter) and she came out with a strong preference for me. She likes her dad, but I am still obviously her favorite. This has made me realize it’s not ME, it’s just an arbitrary thing. I promise someday (hopefully) soon it will get better – you’ll hear “I love you mama” spontaneously and it will heal a lot.But I hear you loud and clear on how much this sucks, it was really hard to always be the one my son didn’t want.

  8. Dd, 5 in 3 weeks, has always shown a strong preference for me to the point that it almost seemed like she disliked her dad. When she wasn’t outwardly nasty to him, she ignored him, unless it was ‘convenient’ for her and then butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. It was awful to see, and needless to say, they have never really bonded. That is, until around a month ago. Now DD showers her father with attention, tells him how much she loves him, and cuddles up to him any chance she gets.I honestly think this preference for one parent is quite normal amongst small kids, but can be prolonged if all the ingredients are there. In our case, probably due to the fact that DD is a mini-he version of her father, and so hubby may just have rubbed her up the wrong way seeing they are so similar.
    Perhaps the child’s behaviour is also a way of trying to draw attention. You know, if you can’t get attention for doing good, you are certain to draw attention for being horrid.
    Just some ideas. Good luck.

  9. I haven’t a clue how to help. But Johanna, I want you to know that I’m holding you in my heart…that sounds really, really, really hard.

  10. I don’t know how to help except to offer empathy. My son, age 4, also prefers his Dad though the intensity of the preference waxes and wanes a bit. It breaks my heart too and it’s a struggle not to feel like a failure, or rejected, or let my own hurt feelings get in the way of showing up and being his Mom in the best way I can. One thing that has helped me is to make sure that I get enough time alone with my son where there’s no competition and he and I can just focus on whatever we’re doing together without opportunities for “choosing” between Mom and Dad. My husband and I also have a rotating schedule of a lot of tasks like bedtime and daycare pickup/dropoff so that it’s the schedule and not my son’s own preferences that get to determine which parent is involved. But none of that may help with a 17-month old when he needs immediate comfort and soothing. My heart goes out to you!

  11. Johanna, yes yes yes. My case was not as severe as yours (in that there were no overwhelming medical issues) but my first son DEFINITELY preferred his father in times of stress.I remember how hard it was to truly fix it in my mind “He doesn’t hate me, I’m not a bad mother, my goal is to get him comfort, no matter how [as long as it’s safe, obvi]” etc. etc. It. Is. NOT. You.
    And–it is not permanent. That’s so glib from the mom of school age kids. But this too shall pass. Really.
    My oldest still prefers my husband, but since we have found other ways and places to bond, I can celebrate and encourage that bond, which is awesome. But it was so so hard at the time.
    Hang in there. And I send you all good wishes for the holiday season.

  12. My best suggestion is for you to visit Hedra’s site. She’s been posting here for ages. Her site is HandFull of Rocks at: what she’s written about sensory issues and Fructose Malabsorption.
    She has first hand experience in this area. I am NOT saying that’s what’s going on with your child, I’m not a DR. I AM saying that reading what others write allows you to either eliminate or resonate with the symptoms. If you eliminate things, you save yourself and your child needless tests. If you resonate with the symptoms you can do further research to take back to your DR.
    Both Hedra and I have had to do our own research and go to many Dr’s to find out what was wrong with our kids. My child’s issues where strictly structural. When we did find out what was wrong we were able to go back to the Pediatrician with evidence and suggestions for treatment.
    As far as your child rejecting you emotionally. I believe you’re right, it’s a clue. There are times, and they’re rare, when a mother’s body is configured in such a way as to exacerbate the pain her child is feeling. Woman are curvy and men are more straight up and down. If your child has some structural issues that are causing or exacerbating his pain, then his rejection of you could be a clue. Make sure you include those clues when speaking to Dr.s, someone WILL hear you.
    Trying looking for an Osteopath who is also a Cranial Sacral specialist. He MUST have a specialty in young children.
    I think Hedra’s site is the best place to begin. I only know of Cranial Sacral specialists in SF, and Boulder CO. Contact me if you need anything.
    I wish you well and good luck.

  13. Both of my children were super-daddy-focused at about that age. I remember one night when I went to read my daughter books at bedtime, and she screamed for Daddy and hid in the closet, holding the door closed from the inside so I wouldn’t get her out. I know it is incredibly hurtful, but I think it is also age-appropriate behavior.

  14. First of all, I’m so sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. Not sure that I have much advice to offer since my only child is 14 months old but here goes.OK this may sound dumb but I sometimes think about how kittens are with their mothers. They beat on her, jump all over her, claw her, bite her ears, want to nurse all the time whenever they feel like it, and when they decide they’re done with her, they shun her. They play with each other, ignore her, and only come calling when they want something! My 14-month old has been biting me gleefully, hitting me hard in the face, head-butting me, kicking and screaming if I try to get him to lay down on top of me (even though he will gladly do it for everyone else), throwing himself backwards when I pick him up sometimes etc. It is wicked hard. I feel the rejection too. And I get frustrated with him when he’s really testing the boundaries, purposefully being beastly, etc. Then I feel guilty. What a fun vicious cycle!
    Also I hope it doesn’t sound trite because I don’t mean it to, but I’m a strong believer in astrological tenets. I’m curious about what your sun sign is, as well as your son’s and his father’s sun signs. There may be clues there about what’s happening among you’all.

  15. Oh man, I didn’t have the health concerns you do, but I definitely had the rejection.My son used to regularly tell me that I didn’t love him, that only Daddy loved him. He would scream and cry if I held him and fight to get back to Daddy.
    It was when he was about 16-20 months old, and it still makes me want to sob when I remember how horrid I felt.
    But it got better. Lots better. Now he tells me he loves me, and even nicer, that he likes me and chooses me most of the time (for reference, he’s 3 and a half now). He just went through a period where he wanted Daddy instead.
    For us, one thing that worked was to have lots of Mama/kid time with no Daddy around. Made him realize that I wasn’t so bad after all. We too started rotating bedtime, bathtime and pick up/drop off duties so that neither one of us was overburdened.
    Be strong, I know how heartbreaking and horrible this is, from the rejection standpoint. You can make it through the fire, I know you can.
    I hope you have good luck sorting out his health issues too!

  16. That is hard, emotionally. The amazing thing is that your son has what he needs in his family.My kids (6 yrs and 11 mos) have both gone through mummy and daddy phases. And my husband is better at being calm and I am the animator like someone posted about above, so it makes sense that they sometimes go to him for the calm, although that has varied too.
    When my oldest child was traumatized with an emergency appendectomy, I have to tell you he shot me looks of extreme rage and anger. He wouldn’t talk to me for about 24 hours, although he did talk to other people in the family. It was really hard to take even for that period of time but…in a way I was glad that he was so fiesty and not sort of…beaten down. He recovered and we are totally fine, he and I – which I know, because he’s old enough to articulate it.
    From that experience I think…don’t mistake this phase as your child’s verdict on your parenting or your relationship. He’s angry; you’re there.
    Trust in the love, if that helps. You are not causing this and it will be okay.

  17. Do you know how healing this is for me? Reading the comments, that is.I’ve been quiet about this except with one friend because I’ve felt shame that my son (who previously preferred me) now rejects me in favour of my husband. This has only been going on a month (since 2 years 4 months) but it hurts SOOO much. And we had IVFs to have them (they’re twins).
    Johanna, I cried while reading your email. My heart goes out to you. Really it does.

  18. Johanna, I’m so sorry you’re going through this & hope you have some clarity about what’s going on soon. Holding you & your family in my thoughts.

  19. We didn’t have serious health problems to contend with, but I definitely went through a lengthy phase, at about that same age, where my son wanted my husband and not me. If I tried to take him from my husband, my boy would hit and scratch me in face. It was so hard on all of us. It sounds like an awful lot of people go through something similar at that age. The upside is that it passed and my now almost 10 year old boy is an incredibly loving son to both his parents and a really gentle and caring big brother.I think it is really normal to look for connections between things. And there may well be one. But you may also be coping with difficult medical issues and a totally separate “daddy phase” at the same time. A difficult double whammy, to be sure. But not one single insurmountable issue.
    Hang in there. It will pass. Don’t beat yourself up. This is not your fault.

  20. Johanna,I was hoping that the other moms would address the commonality of this in their lives. Look back to see if you think there’s a developmental component in there too. See if whatever health issues you sense your child is having is being compounded by his development.
    I hope when you look at all the slices of the pie you might see that this situation needs to be looked at slice by slice, and not as one whole pie called, my son is rejecting me. The mothers here are so wise and giving. I hope their wisdom helps.

  21. I think it sounds like your son may have a bit of sensory processing disorder going on. I’m a pediatric occupational therapist…we work with a lot of kids with SPD. In a nutshell, some kids have lower sensory thresholds and can be “set off” by little things….they may be hypersensitive to sounds, smells, etc. There’s often underlying issues (like history of reflux) surrounding the gastric troubles you describe. Have you ever tried keeping a journal to discover what’s happening in your son’s environment at the times of his meltdowns? It could help you pick up patterns.An OT with experience in peds could evaluate your child for sensory and feeding issues. And my experience with my own son wasn’t exactly like this, but he still strongly preferred me to his dad for awhile….and still does to an extent. I think that’s normal for them to be “all about” one parent over the other sometimes. I’m sure the scales will tip one day!

  22. When my (then) three year old daughter broke her leg and was in a non-mobile cast she regularly beat the hell out of me. I didn’t talk about it much because it was so horrific.In her case, she is/was really attached to me and I was the safest person for her to vent on. She was frustrated and in pain and she needed and outlet. I was it. Mostly I kept calm. I tried to give her safer objects to hit (I was typically alone with her, so I couldn’t hand her over to anyone else, nor was she in a situation to be safely left alone). I did a lot of murmuring calming talking and singing.
    I had an endpoint, though, because we knew when the cast was coming off. She was still more prone to hitting afterwards but that’s resolving finally. I really hope you can find some answers to your son’s health concerns soon.

  23. My daughter, now almost 5, went through the same phase at about the same age. Only, with her the preferred adult was my mother, who was living with us at that time, and not her father. Yes, in some ways, that was harder to bear because even though I have a great relationship with my mom, I somehow felt she was ‘taking my place’.My daughter would want to be fed by my mom, put to bed by her, would want to be comforted by her when in pain or discomfort (although unlike Johanna’s son, she didn’t have any overwhelming medical issues). All this was happening at a time when I was still on my 2-year sabbatical from work and it made me feel like a complete loser.
    Somehow, things changed gradually even though I went back to work almost exactly as she turned two. She started ‘weaning’ herself from her grandma and today, though she still remains very close to her (mom still stays with us) she prefers me over every other adult. The only rational explanation I can find is, as I started getting involved in work (it was a tough job) and ‘detached’ to a certain extent, she started craving my company more. So yes, I would say stop caring so much. Children, as we know, can be a bit perverse about giving one what one wants.

  24. I have experience with the GI issues and allergies and intolerances…not as much with the daddy preference side of things.I do think that his rage could be related to his pain/stomach issues. Did you nurse? He might associate tummy pain with nursing. I know that I passed proteins to my son and he didn’t really like nursing until I completely eliminated wheat from my diet for quite awhile. Also, it could be a perfume or lotion — either the smell or the actual product that causes him discomfort. If there is a chemical sensitivity it could be that it stresses his body (and therefore his mind) to be next to the scent/product. I know our babysitter wears a perfume that I basically can’t handle…she’s pregnant and it often goes through my head “will she keep wearing that once she has the baby??” I’m sure she thinks nothing of it and wouldn’t occur to her that it might bother someone–much less her kid, you know?
    I do hope you can get to the bottom of the pain and the other emotional hurting that is happening in your family. I am starting to think that no one will figure out what is happening with my son and it’s a depressing place to be. I know mine has experienced a lot of chronic pain (he reacts to pain the way chronic pain sufferers do) and even though he has a great attitude about it, it’s SO hard to see your child suffer.

  25. Oh Johanna, I’m so sorry. This won’t last forever and it sounds like you’re doing a beautiful job trying to take care of him when he’s struggling with mysterious difficulties (and when he’s a toddler with difficulty communicating!). All I can say is that it seems like there have been different times in my parenting life where I was a better or worse fit for my kids’ needs. It’s an ebb and flow. I hope you can take some time to take care of yourself. Certainly, a more relaxed mama is a good thing. (I KNOW KNOW KNOW how hard that is, too.) Hang in there!

  26. Kids are weird.All of my 3 children have gone through periods where they intensely preferred me, and all of them have gone through periods where they intensely preferred Daddy. Sometimes they prefer each other, and both of us parents are chopped liver.
    I’ll bet that within 3 – 6 months, he’ll be back to wanting you, and not Dad. (And then you’ll feel guilty because he’s rejecting Dad for you. There’s no winning.)
    Have you considered silent reflux as a possible cause of his problems? My son behaves similarly when his is acting up.
    Also, the intensity of your words (“hate”) and your interpretation of his behavior has me concerned. Please speak to your doctor, or at the VERY least take an online quiz, to rule out post-partum depression. Yes, it can happen when your kid’s pushing two. Mine seems to peak (twice now) around 10 – 11 months, when the sleep deprivation gets really intense.

  27. Johanna, I know how hard it can be to feel rejected by a child. It’s especially hard for mothers – I mean, so many men must go through child-rejection, because most of the kids I know are attached to their mother’s hip. But it feels like that’s the way it’s supposed to be – for them to prefer us, so when it doesn’t happen it feels devastating. I imagine it must feel like that x 1,000 in a situation where your child is in pain and struggling and you can’t figure out why.I wouldn’t be surprised if the answer lay in a combination of suggestions others have already put forward – normal developmental ebbs and flows (my elder son was NOT affectionate at all as a toddler and now at 3.5 is on me like glue); perhaps a structural-vibe issue; and he could be angry at you, because if you’re his primary care giver, he might associate you with his pain. My toddler fell and split his lip and needed stitches. Like @Shandra’s child, he was traumatized by the experience, and after he had the stitches removed, he was so angry he refused to nurse (and he’s super super into nursing), pulled away, and just started hitting me. I don’t know if he blamed because I’d helped hold him down, or if he was just scared and angry and lashing out. Maybe a combination of the two. 18 months thereabouts is a challenging time in a toddler’s development, and adding physical pain to the scenario would make everything more intense, I bet.
    He doesn’t hate you. He loves you and needs you desperately. I couldn’t have more sympathy for your situation or how you feel. It’s just really hard sometimes. How could you not feel at the end of your rope? I can understand why you might not feel comfortable going to your friends, but you also might be surprised – I seriously doubt there is a mother out there who doesn’t sometimes feel strongly like a failure, or like she’s at the end of her rope. I know when I’ve really struggled as a parent, I’ve hidden it from my friends because I was ashamed, and that made everything even worse, because I felt so alone.
    You aren’t alone.

  28. Oh man – my older son went through a very strong “all Daddy, all the time” phase from ages 18 months to about 30 months. It disappeared after that and then reared its head again for a few months after my youngest son was born. I just applied the “fake it til you make it” school of parenting wherein I pretended it was not viciously killing me inside and injected myself into his world at all reasonable opportunities. I said “I love you” without expecting to hear it back. I kissed and hugged whatever body part would not draw ire.At just about 4 years old now, this is largely gone, though there are still some things that Daddy MUST be present for. If I even think to put him to bed alone, I’ll get an earful. And when he is very tired, he wants Daddy to hold him. The rest, though, seems less intense and preferential. My younger son is showing some signs of preferring me. I don’t know what makes this happen, but I think this all balances out in the end and over time.
    My sympathies and a tremendous hug.

  29. My son wanted no one but me for the first 12 months of his life. Then, very abruptly, he switched whole cloth to my husband. And displayed a lot of what you’re describing…yelling, “No,” if I tried to put him to bed, only hugging my DH, etc. We were still nursing, so he still wanted me for that, but mostly it was his Dad. And that remains to this day (he’s 5-1/2). It’s gotten better, but I suspect he will always prefer his Daddy.We stressed that he could have a preference, but he couldn’t be mean or disrespectful about it (“It’s ok to want Daddy, it’s NOT OK to tell Mommy she’s yucky.”). I was quite heartbroken about it, but eventually stopped allowing it to get to me. We had a daughter who is still in her Mommy phase, and that helped.
    I think as Sharon wrote, this is a combo of issues. Some sound developmental, which will change and get better and then worse and then better, and some sound physiological. You just happen to be at the nexus of crap and more crap right now. And that happens, unfortunately.
    Focus on figuring out the health stuff. Allow him to have his feelings, but don’t allow him to use you as a punching bag (physical or emotional). Stay calm, neutral and supportive. Cry in the shower or the car when you’re alone. Look for the things (even seemingly insignificant) you two can share which are positive. Don’t let your DH always have the fun stuff and you the chores.
    I believe most of this will resolve in the next few years…you just need to make sure you and your son’s relationship is intact on the other side of those years. (And your sanity is intact.)
    Hugs to you!

  30. My now almost four year old DD has eczema, food allergies and a related GI condition that’s triggered by strawberries and some other foods. I call it related but it is a totally different mechanism.There surely are times when she hates being in her own body and she acts that out on me. I think in a woolly fashion that it is hard for a very little child to fight feeling horrible without fighting mother because the bond is so close. Not claiming to be Mother Earth but in my experience eczema/allergy/GI tend to make the mother/child bond very close and dependent.
    That also means being on the receiving end and it’s horrid. My daughter would scream and thrash and rave and even the gas meter reading man who called round would do better than I did at calming her down. Her heart belongs to daddy anyway, but when a raving spitfire mother is Belgium in WWI.
    Being very close with someone desperately unhappy in their own skin is tough. You feel your child’s pain and radiate your fear and worry and that revs up the upset. Daddy ( or the gas meter man) doesn’t radiate the same thing.
    My daughter also blames things that she thinks made her sick. Like the boob. Rejection isn’t fun and with mastitis it’s something else.
    Not to say motherhood is a vale of tears! But I rely on a dermatologist for her skin, and allergist for the food Epipen thing and a gastro enterologist for the GI bouts. They help.
    And detective work to find the allergens/intolerances. I am lucky in daughter’s eczema being the canary in the coal mine. If she is reacting to something she gets eczema.
    That’s only since the eczema is controlled and the big allergens found. Before that you have an upset miserable child in a panic.
    I have found that some allergens, like annatto, the achiote bush, have central nervous system/ brain effects. Give DD a lot of annatto and she seems to be psychotic, not sleeping and raving.
    I don’t know how much help any of it is. But all I can say is that finding safe foods, a good skin routine and continuous vigilance have helped to bring those episodes way down.
    Getting older now too DD can talk more than just rage when she’s in discomfort.
    But the pattern is the same. Periods of growing fine, eating fine, being fine followed by bewildering interludes that take many physical forms but all get vented and felt by mother. Mother needs support!

  31. Johanna, I echo everyone’s support for you and your family and their concern for you.I am a bit troubled about the ped. suggesting your son is “moody”. I think that is a bit unfair to the child in that it is unusual for a baby to be “moody” without some physical distress. If he is living with emotional distress without any obvious physical cause then it might be a good idea for your ped. to refer you to a child or infant psychologist for support if this situation does not resolve as he passes through the developmental stage.
    Good luck, don’t give up. You can do this.

  32. My (not expert) experience with kids (having one and having been one) is that kids behave for their dads and are hellions for their moms. Not sure why this is or if it’s true for everyone.

  33. oh PLEASE look up Sensory Processing Disorder!!!!! My son was diagnosed a few months ago, and it changed everything for the better!!! There are checklists out there; google them. Hilary, I give you permission to give her my email address if she wants it.

  34. My son has celiac in addition to numerous food allergies. If he eats gluten, he immediately reacts with emotional meltdowns. Hitting, tantrums, yelling – it’s awful. So I totally get it on at least some degree. Keep pushing for tests – he was diagnosed a year ago at 18 months only because I pushed so hard, and it made a total difference.

  35. We didn’t have the health problems, but 17 months was when a demon possessed my sweet youngest girl, and it was AWFUL. 8 weeks of horror–very little sleep, raging tantrums, no comfort anywhere. And then, it disappeared. Sunshine, smiles, light!I offer a couple of pieces of hard-earned wisdom: 17-19 months can suck worse than you can imagine. But it passes. Also: each kid takes comfort differently. With my youngest, I have to sit on the floor and wait. If I try to approach her, she rejects me outright–hits, scratches, etc. But if I sit quietly and wait, she’ll fling herself at me when she’s ready. A tough thing to learn, but it works.
    I agree with the poster who recommended quiet alone time for the two of you. Just sit quietly–he’ll find you.
    Don’t think of it as rejection. Just think of it as him finding his way to comfort.

  36. Oh I know this all to well. My 21 month old son is going through this. It has been going on for about 3 months where he hates me and wants nothing but his dad. He will push me, hit me, and anything else just to get away from me but will always sit nicely with is dad to comfort him. I truly hope that it passes soon because I also want to cuddle with him and love on him because I carried him. It is a tough situation. This too shall pass.

  37. I’m pretty well versed in the food allergy department and how awful it is especially when they’re young and can’t speak and then pile on the emotional development happening right now.First of all – if the doctors you’re seeing aren’t taking it seriously, then please don’t stop trying to find one who will. Trust your instincts and stick to your guns. It doesn’t matter if you have to get 3 opinions or 13.
    Second of all – feel free to email me directly and I can contact my food allergy support group (moms) and maybe they’ll have some better insight for you. There are moms on there whose kids are allergic to CORN!. CORN!!!!! Think about how many things have corn in them!
    Then there’s some non traditional Allergy treatment that I’m intrigued by called AAT. My first had many food allergies and struggled. And I’m due in April with my second expecting similar issues. And its definitely, in my opinion, worth investigating. Many of the moms on my support group have had huge success with it. Its not just food allergies – but thats our issue so I’m always thinking food allergies.
    SO – all that to say – email me if you feel like I can help. And if you don’t – know that I’m thinking of you all. You can do this.

  38. My son quite often will lash out at me when he’s sick, frustrated, over-tired, etc. Sometimes he seems to need or want a little more space than I want to give him. (No kisses, ever???) And quite often, he’ll want to settle in with his Daddy in those times. So that part of your email, Johanna, really resonated with me. It seems normal. Of course it feels like hell though.Because so much of this happens when my son is overtired, I wonder if disturbed sleep might be part of the picture. My son had colic as a baby, and that sure disrupted his sleep. I’m finding out now that disrupted sleeps can really foul one up in terms of depression and irritability. I lash out when that happens, because in those moments I’m not really thinking straight.
    That’s not to write off the health problem(s), but just to say that sleep might be an added wrinkle that it might be helpful to watch out for. It sure helps to know that my son is acting like a jerk because he didn’t get his nap and not because I’m failing to raise a well-behaved person.
    Add me to the list of voices encouraging you to stay strong in your pursuit for a diagnosis. My son’s colic was related to a cow’s milk sensitivity, and it made a huge difference once that was eliminated from his diet. It also took a huge effort to eliminate it — dairy’s in just about everything. But it was well worth it.
    17 months might be old for colic, but gripe water or even fennel tea might help. And do take care of yourself, too: do what you can to get the support you need to get through.

  39. Just a PS to say that we FINALLY got a diagnosis yesterday morning. The results of a recent biopsy came back and he has something called Eosinophilic Esophagitis, which likely explains 100% of his thus far unexplained symptoms. I can’t express what an enormous relief this is. This coupled with your feedback – especially the “when my kid is sick he lashes out at me, too” info – has helped my mental health tremendously. Thanks again.

  40. Check out the GAPS diet or the Body Ecology diet. This has helped us with seemingly unrelated (mood–anger/depression/lack of empathy, sleep, picky eating, strange movement, behavior, ocd, anxiety…) issues with our daughter. All were stemming from her digestive system which got worse after many courses of antibiotics for strep. We were suddenly looking at the possibility of being on the “spectrum” out of the blue at 4years old. I have no idea if this is the answer, but after all the research I’ve done it seems quite possible. Look into quality probiotics, water kefir, cultured foods, grain and sugar removal. We also had to remove dairy. It takes time, but you’ll see improvements happening right away. I couldn’t really get deep into it with friends either, they just didn’t get it. Their kids acted that way too they’d say, but they didn’t get the intensity. I felt insane. Best of luck–I know how hard it is especially when the doctors have no idea and you have to do all the legwork yourself. Hearing her tell me she loves me makes my day so wonderful. Here’s a great starter, don’t be freaked by the label “autism”:

  41. P.S. we didn’t get a good night of sleep until we changed her diet. She even had nightly pain during the months of just breastfeeding. We felt we had a clean healthy diet, but didn’t understand the issues with grains/dairy. We would be up literally all night long working to get her back to sleep. 4.5 years, the first 2 the most brutal. Nothing worked, and she seemed in pain, even giving us the pain sign before she was talking. Ouch on our hearts! Also constipation (perhaps he has this too) is a horrible thing. Buffered Vit.C helps as does the water kefir. I could go on and on…sorry for the long post!

  42. I have a similar situation, though not with a sick child. I have a 4.5-year-old daughter and an 8-month-old son, and for about a year my daughter has strongly preferred my husband. I can understand her reasons. Pregnancy sapped my energy and now the baby is my priority, so I haven’t been the main parent who plays with her in quite some time. Also, my husband is much more willing to go along with her requests — he tends to say yes to her unless something is actually harmful, where I’m less willing to, e.g., pour her juice into a red cup if it’s already in a blue one.It sucks.
    I think I’m doing the right things as a parent, but it still tears me up when she throws a fit to keep me from helping her get dressed. Or when she tells me I can’t play with her because it’s daddy’s turn.
    I love her deeply, and I know some of this is acting out because so much has changed for her this year. And I’m grateful she’s pointing it at me and not at her brother, whom she adores. All I can do is wait for this phase to pass.
    I have no advice but deep, deep sympathy. (And maybe a request for advice, if Moxie has any.)

  43. I feel so sorry for her. I know what it’s like to just have a child with a minor cold, so I can’t imagine what this would be like. I am writing because I have a friend that has a sister that’s little boy was exactly as you described. I couldn’t even tell you how old he is now, maybe 5?? And haven’t heard a lot about what EXACTLY they found wrong. But the GI stuff you described sounds exactly the same. They found (maybe not sure) that because he was on antibiotics at such a young age it did something to his digestive system. Like I said I don’t know a lot about it, but thought it’d be worth mentioning.

  44. Quille Medicine , Less common side effects include rashes, itching, lack of coordination, swollen hands, feet, and ankles, as well as painful urination and back pain. – lunesta medication Doctors and patients may need to work together closely to find the right dosage for each patient, as everyone will respond to the medication differently. Less common side effects include rashes, itching, lack of coordination, swollen hands, feet, and ankles, as well as painful urination and back pain. Less common side effects include rashes, itching, lack of coordination, swollen hands, feet, and ankles, as well as painful urination and back pain.

  45. avmotbtlnpyjf, Credit Repair, vNFjzCR, [url= credit credit beura credit repair services cre[/url], AfYvZvc, Credit Repair, CBiUJEa, HCG Diet, uVVRjNG, [url= does the hcg diet work[/url], oaomsoh, HCG Diet Plan, eAtIuvp, Delaware lottery results, NsmKCrd, [url= lottery results[/url], gMjQcFZ, Lottery Results, SkJiMEq, Survey on prosolution users, RTekpSY, [url= Solution[/url], eUyafiw, Prosolution pills user reviews, CzVMVQc, Casino en ligne, ansGpFt, [url= en ligne[/url], ZBBtBko, Jeux casino gratuit en ligne, gLteGpu, Penis extenders in use, JXeDOvS, [url= Extenders[/url], YRyXgFZ, Real penis extender, fBAWrBT.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *