How much sleep is the bare minimum you need to function?

My friend A had a baby 8 days ago, and was ecstatic today because she'd gotten a three-hour stretch of sleep last night.

Send yourself back in time to those early days and think about how much sleep you could function decently on (and by function decently I mean go through normal daily activities without walking into walls or bursting into tears for no reason). How many hours was that? How many hours do you need now, and how old are your kids?

Three hours did not feel like enough for me then, and it wouldn't now. Four was my number, and if I got five I was golden. Now, I'm a lightweight who has older children, and I need five, for sure. (I've also noticed that when I'm studying or doing schoolwork I just physically max out and can't keep reading–let alone processing–past a certain hour of the night. In undergrad I could go for 48 hours and keep on reading and understanding literary criticism. No more…)

If you'd like to pass along something to A that you wish someone had told you when your baby was 8 days old, please do.

84 thoughts on “How much sleep is the bare minimum you need to function?”

  1. I paid attention this time around because I was amazed on how little sleep I needed to function in the beginning (I have ALWAYS needed a lot of sleep). Three hours was great for the first 3 weeks. Then I crashed hard. After that I needed a solid chunk of 4-5 plus another 3 hour stretch. That was when my husband started taking the midnight shift so I could go to bed at 9 and sleep until 3. And I still didn’t feel ‘great’. Just functional. Now the little one is 15 months, and big brother is 4.5 and I am a much nicer mommy on a full night of sleep (8-9 hrs).

  2. 4 hours (at a time) really helps me.Here’s what I say to the parent of an 8-day old: I was consistently surrounded by people who told me how hard parenting is, and of course that’s true, but I wish someone had told me something that is even more true: this is the most fun, the best work, the most truly wonderful thing ever, being a parent, and you are going to love it. Enjoy!

  3. I needed 8 hours total, and about once a week I can get away with 6. Iwould go to bed at 7:30p when we were in regressions so that I could be getting ready for work at 6:30 with 8 hours inside that window of 11. It wasn’t too long before it needed to have one stretch of 4 unbroken (or, because we were co-sleeping a roll&boob&drift could be in the 4 hour chunk).

  4. I guess I needed 3 to 4 hours to function at a minimal level. To feel OK I need more like 5 or 6 hours, but that didn’t happen for a while.I was a hormonal, sleep-deprived mess for the first couple of weeks after giving birth. If I could say something to myself at that time it would be, “Don’t worry. You have NOT ruined your life forever. You will feel like a human again someday soon.”

  5. With both my kids, my first few weeks were fueled by what I can only assume was some sort of adrenaline rush. It wasn’t until about the 4 month mark that I really found myself unable to function if I didn’t get enough.And I’m someone that really needs 8 – 8 1/2 hours at night to function *well*.
    I’m pregnant now, smack in the middle of that horrible first trimester, and I’m going to pretend @Cori’s words are directed at me! (Because just yesterday I was thinking that I have forgotten what it feels like to have one ounce of energy and/or not be fighting the urge to vomit and that I can no longer imagine a time in the future when I won’t feel this way.)
    I would tell A what I tell everyone is my parenting motto: This Too Shall Pass. By which I mean both that the hard stuff doesn’t last forever, so try not to sweat it too much AND that the good stuff doesn’t last forever, so try to take the time to love what you love.

  6. Wait, did she get 3 hours total all night or a 3 hr stretch with other smaller stretches? I felt like the 3 hour stretch was the move back into sanity as a new mother. But my #2 didn’t sleep 3 hours in a row regularly until – let’s see, almost 8 months old. It was more like 1.5 hrs. I could function, but it wasn’t at a high level.To the parent of an 8 day old baby: You are doing a great job! Rock on! And, do not worry about housework.

  7. My wee one is nearly 6 months and I remember being thrilled in the early days to get a three hour chunk (followed up by various bits of 30, 60, 90 and 120 minutes). Then 3 became my bare minimum. Then 4. Getting a 4 hour chunk is a good night. But sadly, few and far between these days. I’ve also found that I need 8 total or it’s a hard day. 6 months in I’m finding the many nights in a row with less than 4 hours tough to take and yearn for 5 or 6. Or more . . . please sleep through the night soon baby O! I’ve always been a big sleeper and am amazed at how well I’ve done in the last six months on such little sleep. But I could sure do with more. I think the big shift for me was when I stopped needing a nap every day. I can’t remember when this was. About 8 or 10 weeks maybe?

  8. I was able to function well on 3 hour chunks as long as I got a few of them throughout the night, plus nap times. I took advantage of how much the baby slept and took a nap when she did. I never felt sleep deprivation until she was a few months older, for different reasons.She is now almost 12 months old and I am still woken at least every 2 hours, and I do just fine at work every day.

  9. To be functional, I need 5. To be kind, I need 6. To be myself and functioning at full brain capacity, I truly need 7.5.I would tell her it seems Like forever in the middle of it, but things will normalize. Really. It’s going to be ok, great even.

  10. I don’t think I got anything less than 4 hours a stretch with no.1 in the first weeks or so as he was a really good sleeper right away ( still is now at 6.5 yo).I probably wouldn’t have been able to cope on that for too long though, but for 6 weeks or so, I managed ( he started sleeping 12 hour nights at 10 weeks).Same with no.2. She started sleeping 12 hours even earlier ( 6 weeeks).
    So by the time we were at the 20 month stage with no.2, I was pretty used to sleeping 8 hour nights and wouldn’t have dreamed I could have survived on anything less. Ha! That’s when the fun started. No.2 started making little night visits to make sure I was still there, on a regular basis sometimes even up to 8 nights a night! And this went on until she was 3. So if you do the maths, I wasn’t even averaging 2 hours at a stretch. Ok, she didn’t need rocking or nursing back to sleep, but still it’s not the same as NOT having your sleep interrupted, something that was most difficult to convince hubby of.
    Now kids are 6.5 and 4.5 and don’t wake up at night, unless someone wets the bed, or has a nightmare or is over-tired. I get my 8 hours min a night, and wake up (myslef) before 6 only if I have to go for a run.

  11. One thing that would have helped me at 8 days was the reminder that rest is not selfish. I was so anxious to get things done and feel normal again, that I rested very little in the beginning and crashed hard around 6 weeks. There is really nothing in your external life that can’t be put off for a few weeks or even months while you recover and get to know your baby.

  12. OH, as much as everybody says to nap when the baby naps, I know that if I wake up mid-sleep cycle in a nap that I become the most unplesant person you have ever met … so unless I was pretty confident that he was going down for a long time I just watched Dr. Who reruns instead and sat slack-jawed on the couch.

  13. If I get woken up anytime during the first 3-4 hours after I’ve fallen asleep, then I’m a wreck the next day. Generally I seem to need 8 hours to be functional, although I can get by for a while on 7.I want to second Cori’s sentiment “You have NOT ruined your (or anyone else’s) life.” I really wish someone had said that to me during the first few months.

  14. I’m a nonfunctional harpy when I get less than 6 hours of sleep — and that sleep had better be in chunks at least 3 hours long. That explains why I was a nonfunctional harpy for the entire first year of both my kids’ lives. (Poor kids.)My kids are 8 and 5 now, and are fabulous sleepers. I would like to shower them with cotton candy and ice cream for that accomplishment, but that might be counterproductive, sleepwise. 🙂
    These days I usually get 7-8 hours of sleep. If I get less, it’s my own damn fault — typically because I’ve stayed up too late reading a novel.

  15. In the early days, getting 3-4 hours in a stretch was fantastic. Luckily, our son started sleeping through the night (going down at about 8pm, waking at about 7am) at about 3 months (I know, right?? Lucky me!). Now, my ideal time is 9 hours (I’m a sleep-aholic), but I can deal with 6 hours, as long as it’s only one day.As for advice for a parent of an 8-day old: repeat “it’s just a phase, it won’t last forever” over and over again. Also, don’t sweat the small stuff 🙂

  16. I needed a three-hour chunk with one-hour naps on either side not to dissolve in tears at strange moments.When the firstborn went down to one waking a night, I was ecstatic. And then someone told me that I needed to work on getting him to STT.
    Why would anyone tell a new parent to stop being happy about any sort of progress? Why?

  17. When my child was tiny, I very much wish someone had told me:1) *go outside*: walks can solve many problems, &
    2) your baby will get older and some of the attention-consuming things (for me, breastfeeding) will require no attention/energy at all: you will get stuff done again, soon, just not this week.

  18. I’m tripping over my own feet and walking into walls and ahem, crying often too. I had this silly expensive medical because I thought thyroid, hormones etc. And after all that I was just tired. I wouldn’t have gone for this medical if DD was one and a half instead of three and a half.I miss breast-feeding still purely because she wakes up so often, and stays awake. And nursing her would send her to sleep.That ended at 16 months as she refused. Sleeping did not improve then for another year.
    It’s never been very good but after the last teeth she’d often wake only once a night.
    Now we’re back to fights going to sleep, then won’t stay it. Every 90 minutes it’s wakey, wakey. I found out that cutting out a newly discovered allergen did help a lot. She falls asleep and will often then stay it for two hours and sleep deeply.
    I go to sleep at the same time then, to get this unbroken window.Then I get woken and woken and woken again.Anything wakes her up and she’ll get out of bed immediately if I am not with her.
    I’ve been sharing the marital bed with her now for more than 3.5 years too. With DH in the spare room. Work and travelling for work keep him busy.
    She’s doing fine in pre-school and can concentrate fine. She’s growing fast etc. etc. She keeps going and enjoys the park and has plenty of energy but not manic. And I am in good health too as per the tests.
    This has to be phase that started at 3 years and three months. It’s now six months later. I know lots of things that make her sleep worse, but still none that make it better.
    The problem is that when she was a new-born I still had reserves. 8-13 months pretty much left me unhinged. But I still had some reserves left. Mainly as I am SAH and she still napped once a day until 18 months.
    Now I have got none, as in reserves. And I am losing the sleep deprived plot. I forgot the access code for online banking and I had not written it down for security. And I see it never getting better. She’ll be four in January. Four. That’s also sleep deprivation.
    No her life isn’t ruined, and neither is mine. She’s the light of my life. Really.
    I just need more sleep, more rest. Three unbroken hours sounds so good……….I have no idea by now what my minimum is. No joking. There was a brief phase where she slept for five hours at a time. I then had insomnia…………I wouldn’t now.

  19. At the beginning, the 3 hour blocks were fine, as long as he slept past 6. A couple 3-hour blocks followed by a party at 4am was not cool at all. So I guess, minimal functionality is 3 x 3-hr blocks. That was before I started working.Luckily just before I started working he started to have a 5-6 hour block followed by feeding followed by 3 hour block, and my husband takes the first shift to resettle him if he happens to wake. And that 5-6 hour solid block followed by napping/dozing is pretty much sufficient to face a work day.
    On those nights when he devolves to 3 hour blocks again (or worse), I CANNOT HANDLE the workday.
    Of course, in my dreams, I long for 8-9 hours. That’s how much sleep I really need, but I can function on less.
    To someone at the beginning, I say: when he starts to smile at 6 weeks, that sweet smile in the morning will all but erase an entire night’s worth of frustration. He loves you, you’re his world, and when he gazes at you like you’re the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, you know it. Hang in there, it gets better really soon.

  20. At the begining, 3 hour chunks several times a day would do the trick. My babe was a pretty good sleeper at about 3.5/4 mo, so I started getting a good 5-6 hours at that time, which was perfect b/c I was back to work. It was the sleep regression at 7 months that had me getting less than 5 hours AND I was working. Total mental break down!!! Which has since been remedied, whew.My only advice to new mothers is do what you do, be who you are, love that new baby and know that even with big screw ups that baby loves you!

  21. I’m 6 weeks into life with our second newborn.Bare minimum is a 3 hour block with smaller chunks adding up to 6 hours. Below that, and I’m bursting into tears when the dishwasher didn’t get run.
    As for advice — “wait two weeks.” Pretty much everything will be different in two weeks (that applies to the entire first year or so). Also, if you are breastfeeding, do everything possible to master side-lying nursing in bed so that you can just latch the babe on and you can both drift back to sleep when they are full(assuming you are bedsharing).

  22. To A: Try to get at least 4 hours per day (consolidated), preferably in the evening hours. You need that for bare minimum functioning.Advice: Ask for help. You cannot take care of an infant (and yourself) without help, and you aren’t supposed to be doing this alone.
    Also, let someone else hold the baby while you have a shower. It is “you” time, and the water drowns out any baby noises. You don’t need to hear everything…it is better if you don’t!

  23. It’s changed for me. I was okay with a lot less sleep during the infancy of the first, but by the time I had the second I was a lot more sleep-deprived (we had sleep issues very late with the first) and so I had a lot less tolerance before I hit the wall. Even now that they’re both very good sleepers, I don’t have a lot of “cushion” before I’m grumpy and snappish.For me it’s not all about quantity. If I get to bed between 10 and 11 I can get up at 5-something and feel OK. If I go to bed at 12 and get up at 7 I still feel pretty crappy and grumpy.
    For me, co-sleeping during infancy made all the difference. It’s not for everybody (and I wanted them out around 6-9 months) but that meant I could sleep and nurse at the same time instead of fully waking up (as sharah mentioned). Hugely different, for me, and essential. Therefore–I won’t say “would have”–it DID help to hear that co-sleeping with a little one was OK for us, from friends I trusted (ones who were well-informed on the science) and my pediatrician.
    Later in the game it really helped to find sleep consultants who, again, knew their research and could help us set some boundaries with sleep. Otherwise I’d probably still be walking my 4-year-old around for hours at night, as we were doing when he was 18 months 🙂
    No time to read the comments, but best wishes to everyone navigating these early days! I have said it here before and will say it again–personally I found infancy just wonderful, despite the lack of sleep, and just cherished that time with my little babies. That doesn’t mean you’re lesser if you prefer other stages, and I’m no angel either; spots during toddlerhood have pushed every button I had, making for some very difficult times. But, to touch on what babyinterrupted said, I feel like the atmosphere here on Moxie is generally pretty negative about infancy, so that I really expected it to suck and was surprised when it didn’t. (I’m not trying to give Moxie or anyone here a hard time, that’s just how I see it. Your finding it sucky is completely legitimate and I assume that many people find it so–hence all the discussion of the suck.) But for that reason I do want to put that out there for those who are going to be there soon or who have just had babies: this may be a wonderful, magical time for you and your baby. Of course, I hope it is! And if it isn’t, this too shall pass, and soon enough you will reach a period you find just as magical.

  24. For a variety of reasons, breastfeeding wasn’t much of an option for me.So between my husband and I, we managed 6 hours uninterrupted. He took the pre 2am shifts, and I took the post 1am shifts, having gone to bed at 8 or 9, and he having fed the baby at 1 or 2. We managed that way for about 3 months pretty well. Then the baby started mostly sleeping through the night and has ever since. I was a giant hormonal mess, and didn’t feel human even with the sleep, but it kept me just on the edge of sanity, I suppose.
    This Too Shall Pass– Saw that advice up above and I find it useful every day.

  25. Babies make sleep deprivation fun.Advice:
    For the first six weeks, your baby is just an adorable digestive tract. Don’t expect much more than feeding and sleeping.
    Get earplugs for when someone else (partner, parent, bridesmaid) takes the baby and you go for a nap.
    Everything changes as you negotiate with your baby. Your baby needs to figure you out while you’re figuring the baby out. Find a compromise between baby-led and Mummy-convenient.
    Sing the songs that you want to sing. Your baby doesn’t know the difference between Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Anarchy in the UK (especially not if you sing it to the tune of Eidelweiss. Try it!)
    The first six weeks only lasts for about six weeks.

  26. It’s funny because not getting enough sleep was really one of my biggest fears about becoming a parent. Prior to having a baby (well getting pregnant really) I needed a minimum of 7 hrs, preferably 8. In a row of courseBut, once I had a baby I realized I still ideally need that 7 hrs, but if it’s interrupted 3 or 4 times I’ll be okay. I just have to go to bed earlier to get the total I need.

  27. Once my babies started sleeping in four hour chunks I was good. Five hours in a row is awesome. But I always tried to get a total of 7-9 hours. Now my 8 month old has been sleeping through the night for a couple of months, so I’m chugging along on 7-8 hours a night, but still feel like I’m making up for chronic sleep debt (or maybe it’s just nursing fuzz brain).In general, I need a good 8 hours to feel good. A few 7 hour nights in a row leave me way cranky. Wish I didn’t need so much sleep, but I do.

  28. I function best on 9, can do 8 for years with no issues, and 7 for weeks with some caffeine. At 6 hours, I’m really not good for much. It doesn’t matter if it’s interrupted but if there isn’t enough of it (or if the interruptions are less than 1.5 hours apart): crazed harpy. Also: crying.

  29. To A: As mother to a 5, 3, and 1 year old, my advice for you is to relax (as much as possible) and enjoy it. If everyone is alive at the end of the day, it has been a good day. Sleep when you can, don’t worry about the house (with my 3rd, I hired someone to come in and do the heavy cleaning every so often), and accept any help that is offered!My 2nd and 3rd didn’t sleep for longer than 3 hours at a stretch for the first year…learning to nurse on my side saved my sanity!

  30. @A – I have a close friend who just had her second baby, and what I can’t say to her IRL, but can say to you is that I want to echo @Molly (First the Egg)’s advice to get out of your house.If anyone offers you the chance to watch your baby so you can have some alone time with your partner – do it!
    One of the best parts DH and I look back fondly on when we think of our first child’s newborn days were the times we dared to take DS out of the house. We went to all of these random restaurants and public places with him when he was only a few days/weeks old. DS slept in his carseat the entire time (soon he would show us his true colors of not being much of a sleeper). Of course, some rude strangers had things to say about GERMS(!!) and other irrational fears(!!), but of course, they were all wrong. 😉

  31. I sleep about 6 hours on average. Some nights I only sleep 5 hours. I can function easily on 6 hours as long as once a week or so I get to have a little more and those 5 or 6 hours are not interrupted. Twice a week I work until 10 p.m. and don’t come home until 10:30 p.m. On those days, I go to sleep late (1 am) because I am wired and cannot sleep immediately. The house is quiet and I like a bit of unwinding time to myself. Then I wake up at 6:30 am to shower before getting the kids up for school. I work full time and have always worked. My firstborn was a terrible sleeper and my second one was a bit better, so I can stay up late and wake up early. But if you wake me up in the middle of my short sleep, you better be a) sick and b) under the age of 7 . If a dog barking or a neighbor playing music or my husband stomping around wakes me up, I am not pleasant. Honestly my husband tends to most of the middle of the night wakings, which are now very very infrequent. I paid my dues by breastfeeding both until almost 2 years of age while working full time. Now, the idea of waking frequently at night to rock a baby or breastfeed makes me recoil.

  32. Four hours uninterrupted is best. If I can’t have that, two three hour blocks or one three hour + one two hour, and I can function.Pre-kids, my optimum was 8.5 hours/night. Someday I’ll sleep that much again….
    What I wish someone had said at 8 days in:
    Drink more water. No, more. (Applicable primarily if breastfeeding.)
    Yes, your life has been torn apart and turned inside out. But the new normal you come to will be awesome. Just hang in there, follow your instincts, and accept help when you need/want it.

  33. (I’m a doula and childbirth educator) we teach our mums to figure out how much they need normally, say 8 hours. Then, starting when you and baby go to sleep for the night (9 or 10 or 11 or whatever is normal for you) count how many hours you sleep, every time you sleep, add it up till you hit 8 and then stop worry about “sleeping when the baby sleeps’.So, for example: I go to sleep at 11, baby wakes at 3am. I’ve gotten about 3-4 hrs. I feed the baby and put him back to sleep and get back to sleep around 4am. The baby wakes at 6am. That’s another 2 hrs (or so) and we are awake for 2 hours and back to sleep for 2 hrs till the baby wakes again. At about this point, I’ve racked up around 8 hrs. If I’m still tired, I can snooze some more with the baby but if I’m not dead on my feet, I can now stop worrying that I’m putting myself at risk of serious fatigue related problems.
    @A: Nobody gives a fig that the house is a mess, that you haven’t done the laundry or cooked a roast. And, really, anyone who does care doesn’t care about you. Rest a lot. Enjoy your new motherhood 🙂

  34. I typically get 6 or 6 1/2 hours on weeknights – that’s OK if not ideal. 5’s OK too for a little while, but less than that is rough. Weekends more like 8. Though I did go a period (when Mouse was simultaneously regressed, sick, teething, and transitioning daycares) where I don’t believe I got more than 3-4 total (not consecutive) on any night for a month. Not sure how I did that. If I go on vacation, I get 9 for the first few nights & then revert to 7 or 7 1/2 once I’m caught up. The only time I’ve ever taken a nap since the age of 1 was Mouse’s first week in the world – other than that once I become aware that the sun is up, I’m up until after dark.So I guess I’m like my kid – low need, not super sleep sensitive.
    @A: you don’t need to read any parenting books right now – if you get a chance to read (say while your kid is nursing for 45 mins) read something fun 🙂

  35. To be honest, I dont exactly remember I was zombie. 🙂 But I do know that when my son was about 5 month old, he started to sleep for longer than 3 hour block.I remember thinking than including my peeing every 2 hours when I was pregnant, I did not have longer than 3 hour block of sleep for over half a year.I never said I was tired because it was constant state. Because all of this I know for a fact that all moms here are superwomen!!!!

  36. I actually got better sleep as a new mom than any other time of my life because I was completely ensconced in the Baby Cocoon and I really did sleep when the baby slept. So I got a LOT of sleep, with fairly frequent interruptions. But I coslept, and she slept on my chest a lot, so I didn’t have to function higher than a fairly primal level a lot of the time. I know, I was really lucky and also I haven’t had a second child, which would be way different.Nowadays I need 6, really, to be fairly human the next day. I can survive on 5 but there will be a breakdown in the fabric of the household at some point – it could be a tantrum (on my part), or forgetting to feed somebody, or not taking DD to dance class, or something else, but it will not be a day when everything that is supposed to happen happens.

  37. I think how much sleep I could function on was sort of like a moving target. First 4 months…very little. Like someone upthread said, running on adrenaline. After that it was a sliding scale. The longer I was sleep deprived, the more I needed (in a row and total) to be able to function.I don’t really think of DS as a bad sleeper. At 3y3m he’s easy to put down at night and will usually STTN, except for the occasional blips due to developmental leaps or big changes. But, he only started STTN at about 2.5 (or was it closer to 3?), after 2 rounds of sleep training. Before that it was multiple night wakings, the usual regressions, etc.
    Now, I find 8 hrs uninterrupted is amazing, 7.5 hrs totally manageable, 7 hrs OK and 6 or less is me being snippy. I can totally function at 6 hrs, but it’s the bare minimum. And after 3 years, my standards for what I want to do in a day are higher (and I’m not talking housework….more things like addressing issues that are bothering me and I know I need to spend time on them).
    I’m amazed at how quickly I fall back into a sleep deprivation cloud/bad mood when we hit a blip – often for a week or less. My ability to have perspective is severely limited during the low sleep time. Though at least I can recognize it now and can remind myself to wait until the low sleep fog has lifted to get a more balanced perspective. Going outside for some kind of ‘me’ time definitely helps.
    @Wilhelmina, I feel your pain (or at least some of it). On-going sleep deprivation is totally brutal. I hope you find relief soon.

  38. 6 hours is a minimum for me to feel normal, but obviously that didn’t happen for a while after BabyT was born. I took Hedra’s advice from one of these posts to stay in bed/PJs until I got 8 hours total and just focused on nursing/resting. (I’m able to ‘nap when the baby naps’, fortunately. I can pretty much sleep anytime…)Of course, that only works with 1 kid 😀
    What I wish someone had told me? Sometimes you can’t make the crying stop, but that’s ok. Just *trying* to do something is ok. Or having someone else try.

  39. My advice to a mom of a new baby (and being pregnant myself with number 2) is that it all passes fast. I remember being up every 2 hours for 3 weeks as we tried to get DS to gain weight. And so we got about 30 min of sleep at a time. That was pretty hard but then it was over so fast looking back.And the best thing I did was NOT look at the clock when I got up. And not look at it when I went back to bed. My LC suggested that. It actually was great being unaware of the time at night. Couldn’t obsess over it. It was hard not to look at first but quickly I adjusted and then just Forgot to look.

  40. Pre-baby, I was a person who needed a ton of sleep. This delicate little flower could not function on less than 8.5 hours. Then I got a kid who didn’t sleep. I’m talking up ever 1-2 hours until she was 15 months old (ahme…that was last week. We finally cracked the sleep nugget. Now I’m probably jinxing myself. Oh well.) I’ve since found that I can do very well on a total of 6.5 or 7 hours. But part of that needs to be a continuous stretch of like 4 or 5 hours.I credit my child with teaching me the ability to function on less sleep.
    As for advice for an 8 day old mum: THROW AWAY THE PARENTING BOOKS. I had myself so stressed out from reading all the books. I was trying to do everything right, by the book: talk to my baby so many hours per day; get her to sleep this way; ensure she slept this much etc etc etc. Rare is the baby who actually conforms to the guidelines in the books. Don’t bother reading them at all. All they do is make you feel inadequate.
    Parent the way that feels natural and instinctual. Do what works for you, regardless of what the books say. If you have questions, ASK MOXIE.

  41. Agree with expatriababy re: the books.My own advice is that if you are having trouble, ask someone you trust. A relative, a friend. Call a La Leche helpline. Reach out to a neighbor who has a baby about the same age. You don’t have to do this alone.
    Re: sleeping. I have been an insomniac since high school. I *can* function on zero sleep. I am much, much nicer as a mother, wife, and human being if I get six hours. (Motherhood taught me how to nap–though that only happens now on Saturday afternoons.)

  42. I commend all mothers and as we have read every experience is different. I wish I had done less house work. I am glad I read so much/surfed/wrote text messages/whatever when my baby nursed for AGES. Where I live (Germany) co-sleeping seems to be much more acceptable or maybe it is because we all live in apartments, or maybe it is my group of friends who are of all nationalities, but I would almost be afraid to admit it back home. Anyway, do what works for you. I can survive on very little consolidated sleep, but I was very close to hitting rock bottom a few time. GOing away to relatives who live in a sunny climate helped A LOT. My darling still does not sleep well most nights (14 months) although I know why (vaccinations, getting six teeth in a row and having a cold and learning a LOT of new things), most days she naps very well though, so I guess I am lucky. I am hoping she will sleep better as she gets older. I try not to get to annoyed about it and do my best not to take it personally when she screams the house down because she does not want to got to bed every once in a while. Lastly, as above, THROW AWAY THE BOOKS if you are second guessing yourself a lot. I know people who went from Ferber to attachment parenting and the other way around. But let common sense prevail and enjoy this wonderful time.

  43. I wish I knew how short that bad no-sleep period was. I got really frustrated those first four weeks, feeling like my world was forever going to be sleep deprived and miserable as long as I was breastfeeding. Then one day, my baby starting sleeping five hours at a time and wasn’t constantly rooting for my nipple. It’s tough those first few weeks, but they really do fly by.

  44. This is really interesting to me because I am in the throes of being diagnosed with Narcolepsy. I had three solid years of multiple nighttime wakeups so I wasn’t surprised to be so tired that I could fall asleep at a moments notice during the day. But now that both kiddos are consistently sleeping through the night and I’m getting a solid 7-8 hours, I’m still falling asleep at inappropriate times during the day (like my commute) and feel exhausted unless I’ve had at least enough coffee to make me a jittery mess.I wonder if anyone else feels like they’re in this boat? The I’m getting “enough sleep” but I’m still problematically tired boat. Part of me wonders if its just a holdover of baby times. Like I’m still trying to catch up from those 3 years of sleep deprivation.

  45. I wish I had known the spitting up stops. And that the hot flashes are temporary. (No one talks about the damn hot flashes!!!)Now I need a minimum of five hours of sleep to function. In a row preferably.
    Back in the day, I was okay with 2-3 hour stretches and I, who can never fall back to sleep, always fell right back to sleep after nursing.
    But the night he slept 7 hours, I felt human. (I also assumed he was dead but he was just sleeping away…)

  46. Yes, crying and scaring your husband with the hysterics is all part of babyhood AND mamahood. Hell, my son is twenty months old and I got maybe four hours last night. Separation anxiety and teething taught me not to pray for patience.But, at this point, I am not in hysterics. I have accepted that my boy is not a dreamy angel sleeper and that things have improved over time… Looking at the big picture!
    I am at work on four hours of sleep. That can’t happen too much though. I am a nine hour girl… But am pleased as punch to get seven hours with three wakeups during the night.
    This TOO will pass! I am one of the moms who can say this now! And not just be told this. I feel it passing and it’s like earning a big gold badge.
    You’re doing so great, A. You are your baby’s mama- a super hero!

  47. @Jen,I don’t know if this helps at all. Not a doctor and don’t play one on TV. And for me the fog and lack of perspective descended again this summer as the multiple wakings came back. But before I was getting much more rest and felt exhausted. And the whole way I slept seemed to have changed.
    More difficult falling asleep, more staying asleep and the stages mixed up with little deep sleep. This was after three years of the multiple wakings too.
    I was tested for thyroid, narcolepsy, early menopause, anaemia etc. etc. All negative. Put down to lack to relaxation and true rest. Deep sleep to mend the aching back etc. Personally I find I have no reserves, or sprints or speed jobs left in me anymore. There is no competition for the overnight job or the daytime one so I’m it. For better or worse.
    It may well be that you have narcolepsy but don’t be too surprised if they tell you that you don’t have it either.
    I find there is very little information about long term sleep deprivation, and more specifically being woken multiple times every night. Friends do say they sleep worse since becoming mothers, as in their children are sleeping better but the mothers are easily awoken and dog- bone- stupid tired.
    Lots of military personnel who’ve done time at the front reported the same thing as in I’ve read accounts of WWI and WWII.
    Whether you work WOHM or SAHM or WAHM the days are very, very long. And emotionally hard work as well as physically.
    It sounds stupid, but how much time do you get off? Not being nosy, just wanted to say that I’m if not in the same boat I’m surely in the leaky vessel behind it. HMS Drip.
    Sorry not uplifting and no substitute for medical advice.

  48. 3 hours of sleep and I wasn’t running into walls, but I was definitely growling at people. 5 hours during the newborn days was a GLORIOUS occasion, I was ready to run a marathon LOL. Sleeping 3 hours, waking to feed baby, sleeping another 2 hours, does NOT equal 5 hours. It has to be consecutive. I prob. should mention that during my pregnancy I slept an average of 10 hours a night, against my will. I passed OUT every night. Little did I know, I was gestating an 8lb 9oz baby. hehe 🙂

  49. @jen – wait, im not supposed to be falling asleep on my commute- which is only a 20 minute train ride?! i now fall asleep at both 750am and 5 pm train rides before we leave the station!!!

  50. @Wilhelmina: I hear you. My kiddos are generally sleeping well these days, but the exhaustion remains. In addition to waking up at the drop of a hat, I find it *much* harder to go to sleep at night. And I think you’re absolutely on to something that we should pay attention to the toll of the emotional challenges of parenthood. Babies are exhausting, but dealing with 3 y.o. behavior is something else altogether and requires dig-down-deep behaviors. Have you guys ever read the Kindergarten Pirate? (Kid’s book). Anyway, there’s a metaphor for concentration in there of tying your mind tight. I feel like there are days when I have to tie my mind so tight to keep from losing it, to dig down and find that particle of patience I have left to keep from screaming, that I feel bone tired in a way I never thought possible. Too tired to sleep. I guess because I don’t have much quiet focused down time between waking and sleeping.I’ve been getting migraines since #2 was born. Well, I always got them, but now they are much more frequent. (They’re let-down style migraines, after periods of particular stress.)
    We definitely need more research done on the long-term effects of sleep deprivation.

  51. As long as you love your child, there is no one thing you can do to screw them up. They might wind up needing therapy anyways, but there is no one do-or-die moment. You don’t need to be a perfect parent every moment, or even every day.

  52. I second the PP about the sleep deprivation/frequent night-wakings starting from mid-pregnancy on. I haven’t had a longer than 3 hour stretch since early July 2010. I do OK but have occasional meltdowns. Oh and the 3-hour stretches are few and far between; usually 1-2 hours is what I get at a time. Without co-sleeping and breastfeeding I’d surely have jumped off my deck by now.

  53. Oh, man. I remember getting in a three hour stretch and feeling so rested…Though, looking back on that first 13 months I am astonished at how little sleep I was actually getting. Truly, I have no idea how I survived. I was a total zombie. And I was teaching at a community college at the time (super part-time, 4 hours a week! With good pay!!). Kinda feel sorry for my students- They got some caffeine-induced rants…Now, though, working full time at emotionally stressful job (yippeee for social work) I absolutely cannot function unless I get at least 7 hours of sleep. Luckily, Little Man (3 y/o) is a solid sleeper.
    Good luck to all the new parents out there, scraping by on a few hours of rest here and there!

  54. It’s 4-5 for me, but for doing every night in comfort, 6. I usually got 4 with our twins (my sleep time was 8pm-midnight, husband’s was midnight to 6am) but then got a catnap some days if Zack happened to be sleeping. I could put Nicky in the bouncy seat in front of the couch and he would fall asleep but then awaken every 20 min or so and look for me. If he saw me, he went back to sleep. I sometimes got 20-30 in that way before he was hungry again.Needless to say, whenever I had a doctor’s appt, I fell asleep in the train on the way there. I could fall asleep and immediately start dreaming.
    Only advice I can offer is to try to get people to watch babies on the weekend so you can get a nap. Naps on weekends saved me.

  55. omg…. I have a 2.5 year old and now just 2 months pregnant again. I forgot (blocked out) all of this and I think I just peed my pants. :/

  56. @Jen, I am feeling that way again after traveling across 9 time zones. It’s been 2 weeks, and I just. can’t. wake. up. Every 4th day or so, I have a good day, but like Wilhelmina, I’m about ready to get tests for everything because maybe it is perimenopause or something…? I’m 43, so well in the normal age range.@Wilhelmina, I wish I could send you my massage therapist. He is amazing, and often goes past the 1.5 hours he is paid for.
    @A, I needed at least 4 hours straight and at least 6 total in the early baby months. Then I felt like I could do *everything!* But less than that, and I was overwhelmed with the thought of emptying the dishwasher. As the one task for the day.
    To hopefully give you some perspective: The other day I was walking with my 5-year-old daughter while she pushed her doll carriage. We were on the same gravel road that I would walk her in her baby carriage to get her to nap. I told her that I couldn’t imagine doing this now back when she was a baby. I just couldn’t see past how things were at that time. And also told her it was much more fun to walk with her now 🙂

  57. Total sleep I need at least five hours or I feel physically ill. But stretches, I think 3 is acceptable. I’m my crabbiest during night wakings when it feels like I haven’t even been asleep long enough to get deeply into it, and that’s when I beg the baby to please, please stop waking up, it’s nighttime. But three hours and I wake up feeling refreshed, and relatively calm about the wakeup – but still tired enough to go back to sleep once she’s nursed back down.

  58. 6 hours. i like more but i don’t get it. my kids are 2 & 4 now. for the first year (very literally) i got 3 to 4 cummulative hours of sleep at night. didn’t funtion well at all. when he turned about a year i knew i just couldn’t respond any longer and let DH do all the responding. it took me about 3 weeks though to be able to sleep a ‘full night’ and for longer than an hour at a time. don’t miss it!

  59. The way I got the most sleep when my now 3-year-old was a newborn (through about 4 months) was to sleep with her.We set up the couch as the safest spot, including pillows on the floor “just in case” (she never fell), and when I went to “bed” I would lie with her curled up on my chest. When she woke up to eat, I’d turn onto my side, supporting her neck with my elbow, and doze while she ate. If I woke up enough, I’d roll back onto my back when she was done.
    It is true that I let her sleep on her belly, not on her back, when she was sleeping on my chest/belly. But she was healthy, there were no smokers in the house, the most I drank during that time was 1/2 a beer every couple of weeks. I felt like the SIDS risk was relatively low, especially since I could feel her chest rising and falling under my hand AND on my chest.
    IMO, tiny babies sleep best when held. And mommies sleep best when babies are sleeping.

  60. Completely bare-bones, short-term functioning? Four. Feeling actually decent and human? Six. Not all together, mind you. Since my daughter was born five and a half months ago, the most sleep I’ve cobbled together in one night is around seven. She’s actually been a pretty good sleeper (minus regressions, etc.) and so a lot of this is due to my own insomnia. The last week, I’ve been sleeping really solidly at night and averaging 6-7 hours, and I actually feel more tired, maybe because my body is starting to catch up a little bit? I wonder when I’ll see a solid eight hours again, if ever?

  61. Take naps when you can! The sleep deprivation adds up if your little one is not an easy sleeper.Signed mother of 8 month old that still doesn’t sleep for more than 2 hours at a time.

  62. We feel frustrated, feel farther away from their own ideals, lamented life very difficult. When the day has been feeling off-imposed telescope, only to find themselves ignored by each of the places where are sunny, flowers.

  63. My advice echoes many other’s–Sleep when you can; you’re not being selfish and the housework can wait. Eat/snack and drink around the clock. Ask for/accept help (this was hard the first go round). I also highly recommend cosleeping in the beginning at least, especially if nursing. Above all else though- do what feels right for you and your child.

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  71. Suponujemy kiedy to dokonac.SPOsRoD tym trzeba sie zgodzic, w koncu stawiajac sie w polozeniu banku, najpewniej zajarzymy, skadze taka casus.
    RRSO, czyli Niniejsza Roczna Stopa Wyskokowa, powiada o tym, tak jak wynosi faktyczny wartosc pozyczki w randze roku, gdyby wliczymy kazde daninie natomiast prowizje.
    Oprocz tego uklad dlugu gotowkowego istnieje odkad tych przeszlych z wiekszym natezeniem klarowna i bardziej melodyjna.
    Niestety, wszystko ma osobista zaplate, a kiedy trajkotamy o kredytach pozabankowych owo istnieje niewiasta wystarczajaco nie nieciasna.

  72. Jest dozwolone jej uganiac sie na exemplum w bankach.Wtorym, tak jak zupelnym, prowizja od chwili udostepnionej pozyczki. Te koszty spotkac mozna nie wrecz przeciwnie na zbycie pozyczkowym, natomiast rowniez w wypadku np. debetow.
    Zobowiazanie bowiem jest to zadluzenie nieplatniczego, jakie podobnie w sobie trwa tematem handlu natomiast nawleka przychod kredytodawcy.
    Jako ze istotnie pozyczki, w casusie ktorych instytucja pieniezna porzuca ze kontrolowania krajowej wiarygodnosci w Biurze Informacji Kredytowej, probuja co niemiara wiecej anizeli niezamiejscowego realizatory pozyczkowe jednakowoz kredytowe. ZAs rzeczywiscie egzystowac niestety musi.
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  73. Zamiast parabanku, lepiej ergo udac sie do banku.Przede wszystkim, jezeli w dwojce ze ujarzmieniem wydatkow jest dozwolone postepy dochodow.
    Zamiast zaczac zachowywac badz uraczyc wspomagajaca funkcje, pobieramy pozyczke, azeby oddac dlug wczesniejsza pozyczke. W ow tryb wpadamy w kapitalna petle dlugow, z jakiej wywleczenie sie stanowi nie lada prowokacja.
    Nietrudno sie w nastepstwie tego domyslic, iz jest pani najwazniejszym wspolczynnikiem, sluzacym az do zestawienia dwoch roznych podazy pozyczkowych.
    Niestety, w wprawy uwidacznia sie, ze Kowalski idzie absolutnie ciepla droga – o ile nie byc moze doradzic siebie ze splaceniem pozyczki to… podejmuje kolejna pozyczke! W implikacji wpada w klasyczna „petle kredytow”, z jakiej prawdopodobnie nie wywleczenie sie aktualnie do finiszu istnienia.

  74. Powinno sie pamietac, ze na tym lancuchu inwestor przypuszczalnie – oraz w wiekszosci wypadkow to wytwarza – zawezwac nas o utwierdzenie swojego poziomu walutowego.Ostatnia nowelizacja rekomendacji S eryguje, ze kredytobiorca zadluzajacy sie w barbarzynskiej dewizy bedzie zdolalby dostac kredyt wrecz przeciwnie na taka kwote, jakiej miesieczna splata nie bedzie doskonalsza niz 42 procent dochodow netto.
    Nawet, jezeli zgonimy calkowite tygodnie na zestawianiu ofert roznorodnych spolki pozyczkowych, jej danina bedzie wysoce naruszac niezamiejscowe wyniki pozyczkowe.
    Jesliby przypuszczalnie, spytajmy jak wiele bedzie bezapelacyjnie dawac w wyniku.
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  75. Pod reka tym oprocentowaniu istnieje to wielkosc pierwszej stopy wierzytelnosci splacanej w porzadku stawek spadajacych.Powiklanie tym bardziej natezony, ze tylko czemukolwiek z nas zdola w trudnej sprawie „zacisnac sznura” i zlikwidowac z duzego stanu istnienia.
    Joanna Krawczyk-Golba sposrod biura prasowego Nordea Banku reczy co prawdziwosc, ze system z zalozenia poleca awizo o zmianie oprocentowania przeciwnie na jeden adres.
    Ich uzyski w przecietnym wypadku pozyczkami prywatnymi nie sa.
    By zdolaloby do rzeczonego dotrzec, nowy wspolkredytobiorca musi byc wyposazonym artyzm kredytowa.
    pożyczka bez bik

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