Primal Scream Wednesday: Back to School edition

(Short update: Lots of things, including one big thing, came out in the inspection, so I am no longer buying a house. But I did buy a car yesterday, the first car I've ever personally owned. So things are not as I expected but just fine. Assuming I pass all my exams for school. But anyway.)

Everyone's either in week 2 of school or about to start school or starting school in three weeks, so I thought today would be a good time for a school-related Primal Scream Wednesday. Possible topics include: difficulty of finding and cost of school supplies, bad room assignments, screwed up bus routes, our own fears, social anxiety (our kids' and our own), and exactly how involved we want to be with the PTA.

Of course, non-school-related primal screams are also welcome.

I currently have none, as last week was one long scream. So you start.

94 thoughts on “Primal Scream Wednesday: Back to School edition”

  1. I’m so sorry the house did not work out for you, Moxie–I’ve been house hunting myself lately and it’s so disappointing to plan (fantasize!) about how your life will be in that house, in that neighborhood, and then for that vision to be yanked away from you (even if the house had a problem, like a flooding basement or the small matter of the poltergeist).But my primal scream has to do with my struggles to to accept that my body will be turned inside out and our lives will be temporarily upside down for a third baby in February. (My kids are 4.5 yo and 2 yo, FYI–fun times!) I show A LOT even though I’m barely finished my first trimester (and I’ve only gained 2 lbs), so there’s been a lot of inquiries at work and elsewhere. I thought I was done, but apparently not. I’m past my “Even thinking about it makes me cry and freak out” stage, but inside, I feel very ambivalent. (And very tired.)
    My best wishes to Moxie and everyone who I’ve “met” through here–I’ve said it before, but all your tales of sleeplessness/love/frustration have been a relief to be in my times of sleeplessness/love/frustration.

  2. My primal scream is really more of my son’s primal scream. He seems to be dealing with his transition to a new class at daycare by melting down at home in the afternoon.Yesterday, he literally screamed over everything from not being able to spear a ravioli with his fork to wanting a tissue instead of a wipe to clean his nose.
    And, my husband’s way of handling the meltdown differs wildly from my own, so we’re all having a blast at home right now. Screaming toddler. Angry dad. DEEP BREATHS.

  3. My scream is more of a wimper. I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately and just feeling blue and numb, very Eeyore. Kind of am unhappy with my job (or at least the $ that comes with it), but it feels next to impossible to find another one that would keep me at the same $ with the same benefits. Our house needs a million projects done, but my carpenter hubby seems to do everyone else’s projects in the summer. Plus we’d have to spend $ to fix things…I do try to focus on the positive and be thankful for all that we have, which is a lot.

  4. My school-related scream is more parent anxiety than child anxiety. My twins start Kindergarten at a new school in a few weeks. I’m a public school kid, this is my first private school experience, and although we picked a school that we (adults) are comfortable with, both educationally and socially, I’m still a bit overwhelmed by the potential parental expectations. I’m not currently working, so will I be expected to dedicate 100% of my free time to volunteering, baking (please say no!), organizing and fundraising? Because that’s just not going to happen. And then there’s the whole social thing … a new group of “mommies”…..But the kids …. the kids will be fine, of course!

  5. Yeah, the two weeks until school starts is looking pretty long right now. 7-since-June DD has a lovely new habit this summer of grunting angrily at DH and I whenever she is unhappy about something. Why am I having to say “use you words” to a seven year old?!? When it wasn’t an issue during her actual toddler years? Totally pushes my buttons.Not a new thing, but also maddening: the insistence that no conversation can occur until she has been comforted …when she is upset because she got in trouble for misbehavior.
    Otherwise, life is good. Thanks for the vent space. And I am so sorry to hear that the home purchase fell through, Moxie.

  6. Oh I need a scream! My 14 month old is getting all of his molars and not sleeping and is nursing 3 times a night and I’m getting no sleep. We went away this weekend and I forgot my depression meds and got horribly sick and am now super struggling to get my head back above water, AND my husband has a man cold. God help me. I don’t know if I can do this all today.

  7. School starts in 2 weeks and we are not ready! Just got the 16 y/o’s schedule and it’s not right, of course. The teachers haven’t posted school supply lists which means (like last year) we’ll be buying them the first weekend after school starts with everyone else in the city.The almost 4 y/o starts pre-K this year and still won’t won’t won’t poop on the potty. It’s such a contest with this strong willed child. It’s only half day so it likely won’t be an issue, altho I did just realize yesterday that he has the tendency to leave the bathroom after peeing with his pants still not quite pulled up. We need to work on that. And his stutter is getting worse, not better. And hubby will be going to Japan for two weeks right when school starts. Primal scream indeed!!

  8. No primal screaming here, just primal hoping. DD is starting kindergarten, and DS is switching schools (they’ll be going to the same school–finally!). I’m primally hoping for a good fit for both. It’s a big leap this year!P.S. Christina: “man cold” had me laughing out loud!

  9. I don’t have the energy left to scream.I found out last week I am pregnant. I’m 42. I used to want more babies, but I don’t anymore. I have two kids that I love more than life itself and a husband who has always thought that two was more than enough.
    I never ever thought I’d voluntarily terminate a pregnancy, but I think that’s where we are with this. I am just sick with hurt and fear and I’m terrified that I’m going to do something I won’t be able to get past and the rest of my life will be ruined. There’s simply no answer that doesn’t feel emotionally impossible.

  10. -My kid is the only one in his group of friends who is not starting kindergarten this year. It’s not like we redshirted him, he legitimately isn’t old enough. I know it’s dumb, but I feel left out.-I don’t like how the whole education issue has divided my friends. It’s like the private vs. public vs. homeschoolers are separate factions. I mean, not literally, but I feel the divide. I worked hard to cultivate friendships with moms who had similar parenting/life philosophies as I do, and now the school thing feels like it’s dividing us.
    -I signed my 4-y-o up for T/Th preschool again, and everybody and her sister likes to tell me that he will now be inadequately prepared to go to kindergarten, not going 3+ days a week to preschool.
    -Husband is a professor and classes start next week, and he is busy and grumpy and I feel disconnected from him.

  11. My husband, who commutes to the city so for all practical purposes only has weekends with our son, just got scheduled to go to the Middle East September 2-9 for work. So last big weekend of summer with dad gone, as well as doing the first week of school solo. Not so much a primal scream as just a *sigh*. Sad.

  12. I’m 7 weeks pregnant with a very sick one year old. Spiked a fever of 104.7 on Monday. Cried all day on Tuesday. And the puking has started today. The peds office said it would run a 2-4 day course. On top of being super sick from just being pregnant and super exhausted I’m also getting super sick from whatever DS has. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

  13. Well, I think I’ve been primal screaming for the entire month of August.The latest scream:
    -DS (3) is starting a new daycare Sept 1st (this part is a yay!), but I’m a bit worried about the extra time it will add to our commute (10 minutes farther than current daycare…and that’s not in snow storms).
    -Found out with no warning (again) that DS’ current daycare teacher had her last day on Friday. So my dreams of a smooth as possible transition will be more likely rockier and more challenging than anticipated. Not great since I myself have to navigate a transition back to work after being off for 5 months.
    -Kids did not get to say goodbye to their old teacher (they weren’t even told directly that she was leaving, and the parents haven’t been told either). My anger about all this is only contained by the fact that we are moving daycares in 2 weeks.
    Having learned from 5 other experiences of no warnings about changing of teachers, this time I organized a play date at the park with DS’ old teacher and her kids and DS was able to give her a card and egg carton caterpillar that he made for her – his own way of saying goodbye. She also said to me after that DS could see her as often as he needed to. So kind.
    I think this is all helping my ultra sensitive guy with the transition, but I’m still pissed that the current daycare doesn’t have the foresight to know what they should be more involved in helping kids through transitions like this, rather than sweeping it all under the rug.
    I met with the director this am to express my concerns even if we are leaving. It is a new daycare (only a year old) and they have good intentions, but they need a reality check on what the priorities are for the kids – stability and help working through changes, not summer parties or extra outings.
    -Just found out that DH has to go in for another MRI to take a look at a mass they found on his brain when he was in the hospital a few weeks ago for viral meningitis. Really, really hoping it’s not a tumor or something else of concern. He’s been through enough on the medical side lately and could really use a break.
    Amen to @ML’s “My best wishes to Moxie and everyone who I’ve “met” through here–I’ve said it before, but all your tales of sleeplessness/love/frustration have been a relief to be in my times of sleeplessness/love/frustration.”
    @SoAnonymousForThis, hugs to you. I hope that you will be able to settle on a decision that you can live with and work through and be at peace with. It will take time, but have faith that you can get there.

  14. My 6 1/2 year old is back to poop “accidents”, two weeks before 1st grade. Could be a tummy bug, could be lazy, could be stress, could be medical. It is gross, it is embarrassing (for him and me), it is stinky, it is frustrating (for all). Today he has to miss camp field trip to the beach so we are juggling work, meetings, social events to deal. When will we be done with poop?!?!

  15. @Christina – Man Cold! Ha! My husband just got over a pretty bad cold and it’s put a big temporary dent in our relationship. Isn’t that insane? He gets so grumpy when he is sick and colds seem to have a much more negative effect on him than they do on me or our son. When he is grumpy like this, it stirs up all the usual frustrations that get buried when things are running smoothly – like ‘why can’t he get a job that actually has a salary above poverty level?’ (I’m only exaggerating a little bit), ‘why does he not want another child?’, why does he not wash the dishes at night and instead, leave them to fester until morning after I cook dinner every freakin’ day?’, ‘why does he go to bed 3-4 hours after I do every night?’, etc. etc. etc… I’m not being fair – he is a good man, but this is just the cycle of our relationship. I think we need some romance, if you know what I mean, but see my last complaint…Anyhow, back on topic. My only child is starting Kindergarten in 2 weeks. We’ve had the same schedule for the last 4 ½ years with daycare and now things will be changing and I’m just trying to go with the flow. It is frustrating how many random days off and half days there are for public schools. It does not fit a household with parents who work outside of the home. Even before school starts, we were invited to a “getting to know you picnic” hosted by the principal and the PTO that is on a Tuesday at 10am! Hello? Do any parents but me work?! Then, two days later, we have a more formal orientation at 11:15 am. I don’t have to go to the picnic, but since he is my only child, I feel like I should just do it, but it’s frustrating to take time off of work.
    As for PTO stuff, I am going to see how it goes. Because I do work full time, I automatically can’t do a lot of stuff, but I will probably try do volunteer for some things – I could benefit from the social interaction with other moms. But I’ve heard that volunteering can be a slippery slope, so I will need to remember to stand my ground and not over commit.
    And finally, I’ve heard several times that once your child starts school, the time just flies by. My baby is growing up. (sniff)

  16. i feel like, having read all of the other posts, that i have nothing whatsoever to scream about. i will just whimper at the fact that i have three more syllabi to write, five online classes to build, and a bazillion “tutorials” to create using software that no one seems to understand/support and that i can’t figure out. so it looks like i’ll be shelling out $100 for a different program that i can make heads or tails of.and this all needs to be done by monday. and i have a 4 month old who likes to nap for 45 minutes at a time. and a house that very quickly need to be babyproofed, because boy is she starting to be on the move.
    and i need a minion. or a clone. or 24 more hours in each day.
    sigh.
    (but to everyone else, with so many more screamable issues than me: hang in there. you will be blessed with the strength and peace that you need when you need it. of this i know for sure.)

  17. @SoAnonymousForThis – I feel for you, and hope that you will find peace whatever decision you make.@JudyB “just feeling blue and numb, very Eeyore. Kind of am unhappy with my job (or at least the $ that comes with it), but it feels next to impossible to find another one that would keep me at the same $ with the same benefits”. You have just articulated what I’m going through right now. I need to earn more money – hate feeling like I’m dependent on dh. Maybe that’s why I do all the housework & cooking…to compensate! But all those resumes going out, and not getting even a nibble back is so disheartening. Way to make me feel good!
    But ds is a four-year old joy right now – spends every evening out on the street playing with his friends.

  18. I copped out and ordered the girls supplies from amazon. I just couldn’t face 3-5 stores to find exactly what the girls needed. 8 bucks in shipping for less agro.It is K and I am starting to kinda freak out. My overprotective nature is creeping in and I am worried about everything…The girls start in 8 days…then 5 days off and then start again sept 1.

  19. My scream has to do with my son starting kindergarten a week from today. I’ve heard nothing from his school about an open house prior, a practice riding the bus night, nothing. Am I just supposed to throw him to the proverbial wolves that day? Of course I won’t, I’ll drive him and walk him to his class myself. Argh!

  20. non-school related primal scream, but oh so needed anyway. I’m 9 weeks pregnant with my second, my first is in a (very part time) nanny share because his preschool shut down in june, at the same time that i graduated with my bachelors (finally!) and at the same time that my mom’s breast cancer (that had spread to her lungs, lymph nodes and brain) progressed so far that they stopped treatment and she moved in with us. now, a few weeks later, she is bed bound, on hospice, is expected to have a few weeks to live and is she angry, bossy and miserable. i’m doing everything that i can to give her a good life til the end, but morning (all day) sickness and first trimester exhaustion combined with all the dirty work of taking care of another adults body functions make it hard to imagine that there is any good in the world. on top of it, my 4 year old has spent the entire summer in front of the tv because i just don’t have the energy to do crafts with him and we can’t leave the house and leave my mother alone while my husband is at work. i’m exhausted.

  21. I am disappointed that the teacher I (and her last year’s teacher) requested for my older daughter is not the one she will have for the coming year. For now I am going to take a “wait & see” approach, but I’m not thrilled with this start to the year. Maybe it will turn out great, how am I to know right now?Also, I have been meaning to ask this for quite some time, but:
    “How do other parents deal with Day Care/Preschool Directors who are “difficult”? I had a Director who was great talking/interacting with children (part of what made the school so great) but is not really capable of talking with grown ups. I think this is a common problem, but the way it presents itself is that she comes across as “hiding” information, terrible with documentation/announcements of issues that might affect the school, school closures etc. Nothing that would directly impact the health and safety of the children, but stuff that worries parents. I know this is my issue, but any advice?”

  22. @soanonymous for this – it is a terrible and difficult world and sometimes we have to do terrible and difficult things to survive in it. You know what’s best for you and your family, and you will come to the right choice.

  23. I bought the school supplies from the PTO (back in the spring) as part of a fundraiser. I probably overpaid, but I don’t care. The money is “for the children” (ha ha ha ha). I mean, you want a specific brand of scissor, glue, eraser, zipper bag, disinfecting wipe, etc. I can’t play that. I just can’t. I would drive myself crazy like I did before kindergarten (when there was no choice of fundraiser in the spring since we weren’t enrolled yet). So for first grade, I just shelled out the $30 for the cute cardboard box suitcase of supplies.I work FT outside of the home, and I volunteer to do things I can do at home. There was a lot of pressure last year to volunteer more, but I decided to hold steady on my volunteering (one field trip, one in the class help the teacher day, one party, and I bundle Box Tops for Education into tiny little baggies in the evening while supervising homework or something). I also decided to send money to the PTO instead of selling stuff. I don’t want stuff and I don’t want to sell my family stuff, so I just send $5 (or $10 or $20…whatever I have and feel comfortable sending) when there is a fundraiser (with the exception of the school supplies which totally simplified my life).

  24. Non school related scream, but I have had a really stressful week. Found out my cousin, who’s like my sister, has been beat up by her husband repeatedly. She finally left him this week with their infant daughter, but the authorities are doing almost nothing to help her. The ex is threatening to kill her and the baby as soon as their very brief order of protection expires. And in fact my cousin was arrested for going to get the baby at her grandma’s house because she was worried her ex would go over there to kill her. So sad, and I’m so disappointed in the legal system that is giving my cousin so little help. 🙁

  25. @Sally, this is exactly our situation with our current daycare. Ultimately, I think (in our case anyhow) it points to a lack in confidence as a director and wanting to avoid (potential) conflict. I sat down with our current director now and outlined my concerns with what was happening from my POV as a parent and also from my kids’ POV. I was not aggressive in my approach, but firmly held my points or explained further when she got off track by bringing other issues or their internal challenges into the conversation.I also told her how I thought she could fix it (from my POV) taking into consideration their challenges. In short, I put it all on the table. Of course, this was a bit easier as we are leaving the daycare in a few weeks. Ultimately, the director needed to hear that her lack of prompt communication about important issues erodes the trust with parents and undermines the good work they are doing. I do want our current daycare to succeed as there are so many desperate parents in our city trying to find good daycare for their children and this place is good and has the potential to be great.
    I know in our current daycare that the management has good intentions, but I think it’s just their inexperience in managing (vs. taking care of kids) that is the problem right now. They’ve also hired someone to help them with this, so I know they are working on it (even if the progress feels too slow for me).
    On the flip side, our previous daycare turned out to be a nightmare and all the administrative issues were masking other deeper problems. I knew in my gut that something was up, but I didn’t speak up early enough. I don’t think it would have changed much at the daycare as I don’t believe they had good intentions, but at least it would have exposed their negligence to me much earlier and I would have pulled my son out much earlier. Anyhow, after that experience I vowed that I would not let my concerns go unspoken.
    I suspect that many daycare providers get so overwhelmed with all the details of what needs to get managed that they don’t see the larger effect. Parents should not be feeling like their daycare is hiding something from them. This is exactly what you don’t want to feel about the place that you leave your kid all day.
    Hope that helps somewhat and good luck.
    @becky, big, big hugs to you. So, so sorry about your mother. If I lived in your area, I’d invite your 4yo over to do some crafts with us. One summer in front of the TV does not make you a bad mother. Though I am well familiar with the guilt. I often feel the same when we have lots of medical issues going on around here and DS spends more time than usual in front of the TV/computer. Hang in there.

  26. My primal scream is not school related either. In fact the school sitution has panned out quite well seeing we only enroled the kids 6 weeks before they start school here in England and they both got accepted at our third choice.Sorry to hear about everyone’s PSs.
    My primal scream is that with 6 weeks to go before the marathon and with over 500 ks of trainiing under my belt, I have f…ked up my knee and can only manage a shuffle. I am so disappointed as everything was going so well: was finding time to run, managing the long runs at the right pace. Tomorrow the appointment with the doctor.

  27. @Anontoreply said it perfectly. Amen and many hugs to SoAnonymous.Becky and Judy and Jen and the rest of you dealing with such painful times–my heart goes out to you.
    and now I don’t feel very scream-y. My 3 year old just went back to preschool today, new class, new teachers. I’m thrilled–it was a long summer break acting as an umpire between him and his 6.5 year old sister. They’ve both been very much their ages and its been exhausting.
    In fact its been a rough month in general–my office building started to collapse on us and we were evacuated and the office has been in shambles–but I’ve been at home being parent so haven’t head to deal with THAT much of it. Just my books stacked all over the house. My daughter doesn’t start back until 2 days after I start up again (next week) and I’m not ready yet and havent’ published anything this summer or even tried to work on it. so I feel crappy there. But I didn’t kill my kids (yay!) and I did a lot of sewing and my house is really clean right now (except for the home office) and I made lots of jars of pickles and playing in creeks…. so it was good. just need to buckle down now that I’m down to one kid.

  28. My son’s entering public school (in grade 1; he was in Montessori) for the first time and I’m finding my expectations are all warped. The school doesn’t have at-school lunch for the first week (!); luckily I’m on mat leave but walking there and back 4 times a day will be 1 hr. 20 mins, plus at lunch I have to take a 6 year old home to where his toys are, give him lunch in 20 minutes, and turn him back around. This is probably going to produce meltdowns. I’m seriously considering feeding him in the park.And after that, he may not be welcome anyway because it’s for “working parents” and I’m home ’til Jan with the baby. This is kind of annoying me. Yes, he’s my responsibility but I don’t think expecting I don’t have to spend the winter getting him in snow clothes, home, fed, and back for lunch every day was excessive.
    Sigh. Small bumps but it’s just symbolic that Montessori was set up to accommodate us paying people and the public school system is just – weird.
    @SoAnonymousForThis, in my day job I interviewed a fairly prominent doctor about women’s reproductive health and after teenagers, women over 40 have the second highest rate of pregnancy termination in my country, anyway. It’s a combination of social factors (we might not be as careful about birth control; we might know we cannot handle another child) and hormones (as women go into perimenopause their ovulation cycles get erratic).
    I’m sure that doesn’t help your individual situation – anontoreply said it best – but just so you know: It is so NOT just you.

  29. I am sitting here emotionally spooning nutella b/c I am so uncertain and upset about my daughter being in kindergarten so far. We CHOSE this house in THIS neighborhood b/c the public schools were ‘so great!’ but here she is in a elementary school the size of my high school and is not thriving even though she is almost six and very outgoing. She is exhausted at the end of ‘all day kindergarten’ and I fear that this is just too much for her, especially coming out of a nurturing preschool program. I don’t like that she is learning so many ‘sight’ words instead of phonics. I don’t like that she just goes and goes all day and really they dont socialize or rest much except for a 15 minute recess outside in 105 degree heat. My husband is in afghanistan and I am navigating this alone. I am thinking of homeschooling but selfishly I know I will probably lose a lot of friends in this neighborhood who sing of this schools praises. I am also thinking of sending her to private school but I will need to get a part time job. I wish her teacher were sweet and personal like in preschool.

  30. Not school related but..I was rear-ended last week and I am still in quite a bit of pain – sore neck and back and now tingling in my leg when I sit for long periods (not good with a desk job and a lot of necessary driving). Plus all of the insurance hassles (not that its been that bad, but still, one more thing to deal with!).
    Having huge problems with opposition and defiance from 3.5 DS. Lots of screaming (mostly his), anger, and flat out refusals to do anything he’s asked to do. Plus super late bedtimes (around 10pm no matter what we do!) His OT thinks he’s having a hard regulating due to numerous factors, but its exhausting and I really need a break.
    Just had to move 19 month old DS to toddler bed because he was trying to climb out the crib. He keeps falling out (just today I decided to move him to just the matress on the floor with lots of pillows around him) so his sleep is messed up plus he’s getting all four of his eye teeth and seems to be having another allergic reaction to something.
    In-laws are on vacation so we have two dogs at home, lack our normal childcare routine. And before they left, my husband got into an agruement with them about something total unrelated (dropping our car off at the shop before driving them to the airport, with ample time), and my FIL says something about not being able to take the boys all the time. They watch 19 month old DS 3 1/2 days a week, and 3.5 DS one day (on their request). This is the first we’ve heard it was too much for them (though I’ve had a few suspicions, 19 mo DS is a handful!) and I’m not sure what we should do. We’d LOVE to send the younger one to the same daycare as older DS, but can’t really afford to.

  31. @Shandra: This “I’m sure that doesn’t help your individual situation – anontoreply said it best – but just so you know: It is so NOT just you.” is so incredibly EXACTLY what I needed to hear.I *could* have this baby. We’re happily married, we have ‘enough’ money, we’re good (enough) parents. We just don’t want to. (In varying degrees. I don’t want to and my husband feels like the very idea of it sucks every ounce of joy out of his soul.) And I feel so incredibly selfish about that and worried that I’ll feel guilty forever and ever.
    And meanwhile, I’ve got all-day ‘morning’ sickness so there is not a single moment, day or night, when I can just stop thinking about it already.
    Thank you to everyone who’s been kind. More than anything, I think I’m afraid to tell anyone for fear that they might not be kind.

  32. Ah this is perfect!! Just got the packet of info for our 2 day a week preschool and am very overwhelmed by what I’m getting into!! So we are not Jewish so have $150 nontemple fee to cover, plus a $50 supply fee, $240 a month which appears to need to paid every two months so I need to come up with $480 by 9/1 and I need to either donante $200 for the year or I have to commit to buying $200 in gift cards a month to do my shopping at local stores( Target, Jewel ect) No whole foods though. Is this normal, I have to participate or I guess we don’t go or I give them $200 for the year??? Why not just charge everyone an extra $20 per month? And we have exactly gotten one vaccination and need like 10 and a physical at this time of year will be near impossible to do, grumble grumble oh and since we are T/Th and most Jewish holidays fall on Thursdays this year he won’t have a full Month of school till December, again is this normal?? Thanks for the rant!! Hugs to everyone:)

  33. I’m a regular commenter, but I have to be anon today …one of my very closest friends is almost 30 weeks pregnant with a baby who will die at, or shortly after, birth. I went to the store with her today to buy a new outfit for the baby. To die in. ONE outfit. we were both weeping as we walked around the baby store, bumping into pregnant bellies everywhere. It is so unspeakably horrible.
    Another close friend had a double mastectomy for BC in both and just finished her first round of chemo. She is 35 with a 3 y/o and a 6 y/o at home. it is so unspeakably horrible.
    A third close friend was diagnosed with MS this spring and woke up Saturday with head pains and vision disturbance. She’s going to the neurologist tomorrow to find out if the plaques in her brain are making her GO BLIND. At age 32. 2 tiny kids. It is so unspeakably horrible.
    I have spent the summer coking meals,sending cards, babysitting during doctor’s appointments and crying,crying, crying. My kids are healthy, and my body still works the way it’s supposed to. I nevr realized how fucking lucky I am.
    SoAnonymous: So sorry for your pain. Abortion may be the right choice, but it’s never the easy one. Be gentle with yourself (especially in a few months around your due date) and know that your are NOT alone. NOT AT ALL ALONE. Praying for your peace.
    TOPIC: my 4 y/o starts preschol in 2 weeks. I will be the helicopter volunteer, so you girls who can’t stomach that part of it, fear not. I will be totally annoying and over involved — enough for all of us, I’m certain.

  34. @SoAnonymousForThis: I also thought about terminating my pregnancy–2 kids was more than I wanted and the prospect of having another helpless and needy being (in addition to the ones I already have) was/is seriously upsetting. I was even googling “self-induced miscarriages” for a few days. I too have a relatively happy marriage, “enough” money, but my husband would LOVE another baby. In this case, I’m the one who feels like my soul is being sucked out each day. I’ve been afraid to say my true feelings to anyone, so I’m glad you piped up with your story and please decide what is best for you.@SadFriend: I salute your support for your friends–you’re worth your weight in gold–and your strength.

  35. SoAnonforThis: Big hugs to you. Please be so kind and gentle and patient with yourself right now. Anyway you look at it you are grieving right now: Grieving the loss of the future you thought you had as a ‘tidy’ family of 4 or, perhaps, grieving the loss of your potential third child.Whether or not you are the praying sort, may I gently suggest you pray to God or even “god, if you are there, whoever you are” to guide your heart to the right decision. The answer you get may surprise you and bring you peace.
    Could talking to a therapist or counsellor be of help as you and your husband make this decision?

  36. @SoAnonymousForThis I posted my scream above but I couldn’t bring myself to add this other item to it. Now that I see your post, I thought I’d add it: I terminated a pregnancy 2 weeks ago. I have one child and in fact I may want more later, but I am not sure. I had a terrible delivery with some horrible complications that required several surgeries and a full year of pain. Long story short, I came out very, very lucky in the end. I can technically have more kids but I’m not sure my body is up for the challenge. I’m supposed to start an extensive regime of physical therapy, which would be off limits if I was pregnant. Emotionally I am still a mess and need a lot more counselling before I can even think about whether another child is appropriate. My husband and I literally only had sex 3 times since I was finally cleared for it in march (after not having sex for 1.5 years while I was going through surgeries), and on the last time I got pregnant. I was absolutely terrified and could not imagine having a baby right now. I spent one tortured night thinking about having the child and when I got up the next morning, I realized the best option for me was ending it. I was only at 6 weeks so I took the abortion pill. It was stressful but I now that I did it, I’m positive it was the right choice.I just wanted to share my story so you’d know there are others out there grappling with these decisions too. I’m so sorry you have to join that club, but I’m wishing you strength as you make that choice.

  37. After being very excited all summer about the prospect of starting school, my 3 year old started pre-school last week and says she doesn’t like it and cries when I drop her off. Its only 2 1/2 hours, 3 days a week, I know the school & the teachers well (my older one went there as well), I know she is just fine, but I still feel horrible and want to cry when I think about it. She isn’t crying the whole time she’s there, but she’s not very cooperative and has a lot of attitude with the teachers. She also started a new babysitter and her big sister went back to school as well. I know in the rational part of my brain that she will adjust, this will all make a great story when she’s older, she’s going through a lot of changes, etc. but right now it kind of sucks.

  38. My home day care provider always takes a week off for vacation over the summer (I still have to pay for the week, though, to hold my son’s spot). My husband is a teacher yet she ALWAYS picks the week before school starts back, when he has to go to work every day for planning and meetings, to take off. So we are always scrambling and taking shifts bringing the kid to work or to our moms’ houses to get through the week. It is annoying and hell every year.We do have some good news, though. My husband has an interview for a job that would make our lives so much easier. I am crossing everything that he gets it.
    As a home owner I can tell you it’s good that you dodged a bullet with a house that has issues. You will find something else you love and it will work out even better. That is always how it goes! Good luck!

  39. SoAnonymousForThis, I’m wishing you wisdom and peace. Also relief. I had all-day-all-the-time sickness with both my kids and it is SO. DEMORALIZING. It makes every act, every decision, every single goddamn thing so much harder. ((((hug))))

  40. I am counting down the days until September 1st when my nearly 4 year old and 2.5 year old go to Montessori in the afternoons. I am worried that my 2.5 year old is too young, but she’s sharp as a cartload of monkeys and so advanced in speech that she really needs more than I can give her at home. I feel like a bad mother because I am looking forward to spending a little time alone and with my 6 month old.I am stretched too thin and I am too tired and my husband wants another baby. At 41, we either have it now or that’s it. On a good day I feel our family is not complete and I’d love another. On a bad day I feel I cannot cope and three children under the age of 4 is more than enough. I am giving myself until Xmas to settle with our current size of family and make up my mind (can’t conceive before then due to breastfeeding). My marriage will be under severe strain if my answer is no. I can’t figure out how I could cope with 4 children under 5 if I say yes.
    Also, my grandmother is dying. She is 93, so hardly unexpected, but I am in another country and it feels so far away. I saw her a few weeks ago while we were on holiday there, so at least I saw her not so long ago. Her end could be swift or it could take months. She is comfortable and well cared for and I couldn’t wish her to stay in her current state of health, but I don’t want to let her go.
    Anonymous, I wish you peace and strength. You will make the choice which is right for you and your family.

  41. My 5 month old was sleeping through the night quite well – but over the past week and a half, she’s started waking up twice a night to feed! Since my husband has been traveling last week and this week, that means I have to deal with her all evening, wake up twice at night, and still go for a full days work. Arrgh! At 5 months and 2 weeks now, I can’t figure out if this is a late 4 month sleep regression, an early 6 month growth spurt, or just something random! I have tried feeding her more in the evening, but she just spits it back up (reflux baby). Fortunately, all is well with her otherwise.

  42. @Sky, if YOU decide your answer is no, but DH is not okay with that, who’s to say that you just aren’t as lucky with conceiving this time? There are things you can do to make it so – this seems like a case where perhaps honesty is not the best policy? I would say that about very few things, but where honesty seems like it will have one or the other or both of you quite miserable, maybe this should be an exception.@Moxie, really sorry about the house, hopefully you will find something else you love and that will be without issues, soon!

  43. I feel a bit reluctant to add my minor primal scream after some of the heartwrenching previous posts. My heart goes out to all of you dealing with loss of whatever kind. There were times last year when the world was so full of sorrow (only tangentially connected to me) it seemed unbearable.My school related scream is this – we’re starting preschool this year, and I don’t have much anxiety about that process. What I don’t understand and is making me CRAZY is this: What do you do with your kids after school and on holidays if you work full time? Daycare is awesome! Because it lasts until 5 or 6! I cannot leave work at 3 to pick up my kids every day, and I’m having trouble finding someone to do it for me. There must be services that exist, but I don’t know anything about them. Advice from working parents out there? (The preschool has aftercare, but the toddler isn’t eligible. I guess they figure everyone in the toddler classroom is a SAHM.)

  44. @SadFriend, So sorry for all that you and your friends are going through. Know that your love and support is making a huge difference for your friends. They are lucky to have you.@Sky, love this expression “she’s sharp as a cartload of monkeys”…I am so using that!

  45. @creatingbalance, This seems weird to me: “I need to either donante $200 for the year or I have to commit to buying $200 in gift cards a month to do my shopping at local stores( Target, Jewel ect) No whole foods though.”What does the $200/year go to? I’d ask more questions if it doesn’t make sense to you. Everything else does not seem unusual, in that we’ve had to do/pay for what you mention or have looked at preschools that ask this.

  46. @creatingbalance, our neighborhood preschool, on whose board I sat for several years, had a fundraising policy. Sell a set amount of hoagies per month or pay $30 per month. We did this in order to keep tuition low. Some families could not afford that extra $30, but could sell many hoagies. If families did not want to sell, they could pay the money. We were on a v tight budget, no extra money for scholarships, in a low-income neighborhood. If the preschool were selling gift cards to the grocery store that I use anyway, I would buy the gift cards. If not, I might just act as though tuition is $200 more per year and be done w/ it.

  47. So Anon for this, thinking of you, and wishing you peace & clarity. I hardly am able to have sex, I’m so afraid of getting pregnant again (got pregnant first we ever didn’t use bc in our first attempt to conceive when I was 40.) 47 now, and my body, hormones, emotional health, finances, and family could not handle the stress of another pregnancy and newborn. I thought I was in your shoes a while back, and was agonizingly ready to terminate. but I was mistaken.my primal scream seems silly compared to some of the heavy stuff you all are dealing with, dying mother, stressful pregnancies, terrible things happening to friends. Sending everyone who needs it a big hug, and hoping everyone gets a break from the difficulty & sadness soon.
    so, my son’s going back to public school, rising first grader a week from tomorrow. he had a hellish year in kindergarten & we’ve all got PtSD from it. Just walking in the school yesterday to meet the new principal made me feel like throwing up, as I plastered a fake smile on my face. We lost the assistant principal my son liked, and who was to help make sure this year is better, have a brand new guy who is good at boosting test scores & that’s all we know of him, and I discovered last week that son’s psychologist who we had to hire to help him through last year, will be moving across the country in 5 weeks.
    I’m trying to be positive about it, and hope for the best…the first grade teachers are younger & don’t seem burnt out, but I tried to be positive last year after hearing a lot of vaguely troubling things, and they did not keep my baby emotionally safe. he’s a trooper & we’ll get through this, but I will not go through anything vaguely resembling this, and yet, homeschooling would not work for us at all, and I’m not seeing other options yet…not yet.
    we’re refinancing our house, and looking to move, but I can’t figure out what part of town, and my husband wants a bit further so he’s closer to work and I’m just starting to bond with other moms of school aged kids…
    agggh..I’m so sick of this damn saga it’s been eating at me all summer, never mind all last year.
    wishing everyone all the best.

  48. oh and really sorry about the house Moxie! that must have been a drag. hope you are liking (loving?) your new wheels!

  49. SoAnonymous–I am 42 years old and 8 weeks pregnant with my third. I wanted a third forever and had a miscarriage 2 years ago. We tried for a year and nothing and figured the ship had sailed. This was a surprise. More surprising is how I feel about it (pretty negative). I too think about abortion. But I can’t seem to act. My DH also was perfectly happy with two. Today was the first day that my all day sickness and headaches subsided a bit. I never thought I would be in this place and it is so so so hard. Good luck to you and to me.

  50. @Jen, please feel free to email me about your cousin’s situation. I’m so sorry she is going through this. I really understand, as longtime Moxie readers will remember.I’m happy to report though, that as of last Monday, I have “sole and exclusive physical and legal custody” of my daughter, and the abusive ex is forbidden to have “any contact whatsoever” with me or my daughter. I feel really lucky, and I know many victims of domestic violence are not so fortunate, but maybe you and your cousin can take some hope from my story.
    So, no primal scream from me this time (woohoo!), and much support and love to all of you with struggles large and small.

  51. Ditto on the Yay for Maria! Wow, that’s been a long time coming, and I’m so glad you have that in place now.Also Ditto on the compassion for Anon… the thing that I think is unrecognized (often) in the discussion is that part of the decision is between two ‘bad’/challenging situations, but the other part is between two good things. It is the good side of the choices that sometimes are harder to balance, because we’re taught so hard to not be selfish. Choosing a good (baby could be an unexpected joy) vs. a good (life as it stands is good) and where neither are guaranteed? Tricky to balance that. So, additional sympathy for having to choose between two complex situations where the outcomes are uncertain, and have both positive and negative aspects on each side.
    If the talking with God thing doesn’t work for you, you might also try just talking to the baby (though likely you have already). Having had very strong ‘soul to soul’ connections with my kids pre-conception and pre-birth, my belief is very strongly that this is a TWO WAY contract. You can ask them to find another way here. I’ve also talked with many other women who have had that soul conversation, where they were feeling pressured to let a child in, and where some of them made a choice not to say yes (even pre-conception), and instead said ‘another lifetime, or find your way to me in this life in another way’.
    My own childhood memories include remembering before I was conceived, where there were many of us ‘in line’ for my mom (she ended up having seven kids, the first six unplanned, the seventh with my step-dad who was infertile…). I remember us all kind of jockeying for position, knowing the further down the line we were, the less odds of getting in. There were those who didn’t make it in. And… now there are people who have joined our family (younger than my youngest brother) who are completely at home in our family. We call them friblings (friend/siblings), and there is universal feeling that they just found their way to us, having come in by another route. I know adoptive parents feel the same way – that their child was unable to join them the ‘typical’ way, so found another way. Other ways are good.
    My own experiences also include six miscarriages, one of which came with very strong sense that the child was not mine (even well before any signs of anything wrong). I suspect I’ll encounter that soul again. (G, the eldest, told me when she was later born to another mother. He was 3 at the time.)
    Elisabeth Hallett wrote a few books on pre-birth communication (experiences like mine), and through multiple conversations came to the same general conclusion – that you can decline the offer of being the route through which the soul comes here. You might be their first choice, or you might not even be the first option for them, but you’re not their last option. There are other ways in, good ways included. She has a website with some stories on it, which may or may not be useful to you (www.light-hearts.com)
    I don’t know if that helps. Hopefully it doesn’t make anything more challenging. Best to you, and like others said, be gentle with yourself.
    I have no primal screams other than the house not being ready for school to start. And that’s more like a primal meh.

  52. another *huge* ‘YAY!’ for maria & her dd!! i’m so so glad he kept showing his ass enough that even the legal system caught on.no screams here except i quit my job this week. mainly for logistical reasons – my son starts pre-k in the autistic classroom 30 min away next week, which means driving him to & from every day at hours that aren’t compatible with traditional nursing shifts – but also because they expected 10 hours of work to be done in an 8 hr shift & i couldn’t deliver. i’ll find something…
    i’m mainly excited about pre-k, though. i really hope he learns some skills & gains some tools.
    peace to all of y’all/us struggling, though. and new digs vibes for moxie, lod, el c & el p.

  53. Erin: We stayed in daycare vs enrolling in a traditional preschool. DH and I both work fulltime and we could not find the solution. Frustrating! We also picked our daycare because their van will pick up at our kids eventual elementary school so there is after school care. Again- can’t leave work at 3!Daycare provides social interaction and they do have lessons- colors, numbers, letters, etc. so we are gambling that it will be enough in addition to what we do at home.

  54. @Erin – We did the same as @Amy with our son. Our daycare has the same setup for elementary school – with the buses picking up and dropping off at the center, if needed.Our daycare is in the same town that we live in (so same public schools) which helps of course, as other town’s school districts won’t bus kids out of their town.
    I can’t say enough good things about our daycare. It is a corporate center, yes, but they are NAEYC accredited and they have, from what I have been told, a very good play based preschool curriculum. My son has thrived there. I will admit that I never did compare it to more traditional preschools because we both work full time and daycare was the only option that would work for us, so I don’t know what we are “missing.” But I’m so not worried about it.

  55. @Amy & Stacy – yes and the frustrating thing for us is that we signed a preschool contract & paid a deposit and THEN got a miraculous spot at the university daycare, where we had been on a waitlist for 3 years. But we can’t back out of the preschool contract (at least not without significant financial loss) and don’t know if the kids will have spots next year. So we’re kind of stuck. Grrrr. . . . I guess I didn’t think hard enough about how the preschool logistically wouldn’t work for us.

  56. Good luck @Erin! One of the most frustrating things about being a working mom is how it seems like the world of kids is not set up for the traditional 9-5 (plus commute time, so 8ish-6ish)work schedule!

  57. I’m 37 weeks pregnant. Healthy pregnancy, but scared out of mind for labor/delivery/recovery. I have a pre-baby to-do list both at home and at work, both a mile long. I’ve had an increase in contractions from about 3-7 PM each day. I need rest more so the contractions subside, but I can’t figure out where to cut back on my to-do lists. I’m so fatigued I’m making ridiculous and time-consuming mistakes, which is just adding things to the pile. And I have clearly lost a healthy perspective and a sunny outlook!

  58. My primal scream: The back to school stuff is no sweat really. Even I’m going back for 2 classes A&P 2, and Chem 2, and I’m good. Oldest is 6 and going to 1st grade, very excited and just ready. School supplies done early and we’re dropping off at the Meet the Teacher night, and school no issue.The issue is my 2 year old I took in for her 2 year old pediatrician check-up and the doc told me that he wants her to be checked out by a pediatric cardiologist for a murmur, in my head I know that a murmur can be no big deal, but I’m worried. Through some friends we were able to wangle out an appointment on Monday Aug 22, and hopefully we’ll know more then. I’m glad we have such supportive and helpful friends, but I’m so scared to death that there is something wrong and the health of my kids is just something I will always get worked up about.
    Oh and I’m about 17 weeks pregnant, and some days I’m not sure what the hell we were thinking, but other days I can’t wait to meet this little one.
    SoAnonforthis: I’ve been in the same headspace where you are. I wish you peace.

  59. @Maria – HOORAY!!! Your news totally made my day! ;)@Moxie – I’m sorry the house was not as advertised, though what a blessing in disguise that big finding during the inspection was! Best of luck on your exams.
    @Paola – I’m sorry your marathon plans had to be put on hold, and I wish you a quick recovery.
    @Anons going though pregnancy-related upheavals – Hugs to all of you, and ditto to all of the sage advice here. I’m glad this is a space where you can find the nonjudgmental support you deserve.
    @Working parents trying to figure out school logistics in a world that is soooo not at all structured to support a working family’s schedule – It sucks. I wish you flexible solutions, trained monkey assistants, and some serious understanding from employers and coworkers as you attempt to find what works for you and yours.

  60. @Maria – hooray!@soAnon…I’m glad it helped. I got email about that piece and really, really: You are not alone. I am certain whatever you decide you will run with and be ok. I was thinking last night how ironic it is that a lot of people would…well, not praise, but be at greater peace with a teen for knowing what she could not handle, but not be equally at peace with a 40+ year old with life experience about the same belief/knowledge.

  61. @Maria – I am so very happy for you both!!! Wonderful news!@SoAnonforthis and everyone sharing their stories, thank you for the honesty and compassion you are showing with each other. Pregnancy in any form doesn’t touch on my situation currently but they are things I’ve thought about since turning 35.
    @the milliner – sending positive thoughts your way!
    @sadfreind – those things are unspeakably horrible. I was, before reading your post, worried about the upcoming school year and finances and other little things…that seemed big until I realized that as of right now, the boy and I will get to have this upcoming school year. I am incredibly thankful for that.

  62. Like others, my primal scream seems petty compared to other posts, but my need to scream is pretty big, so here goes. My 15-month daughter was just getting over Coxackie virus when my husband came down with it. Bad. Bedridden for days. I work part-time, but have a months-in-the-making huge deadline next week, and am stressed about health of baby, health of husband, making it through the day, and making deadlines. I’m up with her at 5, and by 8am I need a nap or I start throwing up from stress and exhaustion. And, underneath it all, a dread that I’ll get sick next – and then what? How do you take care of a toddler while lying in bed with a fever? I feel like there is just no room for error right now, and what’s adds to it is that my situation isn’t even that bad – how will I manage it when things are really complicated?? All I want to do is catch up on sleep and have someone else take care of everything for a day.

  63. I am loving this post! Best wishes to everyone…My primal scream is: The cost of full time day care is insane!!! I am a single mom to my four year old daughter. I work full time, so she is in day care full time. I love her school, but that monthly tuition is killing me. I make too much money to get any assistance, and don’t make enough so that it’s not a struggle. Every.month…I am so grateful that I just have one more year of it.

  64. Sorry about the house Moxie. I have a different kind of primal scream – dealing with the frustration of not enough time as I’m trying to launch an online reading and math program for kids.

  65. @dory, don’t underestimate the impact of sleep deprivation on your ability to function normally and feel sane. There is a reason it is used as a form of torture.(Which is just to say- go easy on yourself. You’re allowed to think things suck right now.)
    @Erin- do you have something like College Nannies and Tutors in your town? I ask because you mentioned a university day care. They are in the back of my mind as a potential solution once we move from day care to school, if the after school care doesn’t work out.
    I don’t really have a primal scream, just a whine. Our day care, which we really like, has lost a bunch of kids to a newer center recently, and I’m a bit worried that they might go under, forcing me to find a new place. Which would suck. But like I said, that’s a whine not a scream. And I keep telling myself “don’t borrow trouble” because they’re still there now, and probably things will pick up for them before the situation gets critical.

  66. @Cloud – I’m working on the college babysitter angle. I have lots of experience with college-aged sitters and they can be great, but it’s also a hassle. They have complicated schedules and can almost never do 4-5 days a week, so you usually have to get more than one, etc etc. It’s a lot of work to set up and manage, IME. But that’s my next step.Someone recently said to me when you get your kids out of daycare and into school you realize so clearly 1) how many SAHMs there are (whereas in daycare everyone you know works); and 2) how much life is structured for there to be a SAHP. But it’s also true that my town has a standard after-school care program in all its elementary schools. Of course, if I weren’t a part-time single parent this wouldn’t be so fraught.

  67. Maria! I am too so very, very happy to read your news. Wonderful!Paola hope your knee is getting better and that you’ve found a good physio.
    the milliner, I really hope your DH will find there’s nothing wrong in those tests. He doesn’t need another thing…..Good thoughts.
    And Moxie, sorry about the house but honestly, it’s so much better to find out before you’ve bought. Ask me how I know. Not. It’s boring.
    Not even a whimper here, and feeling so, so lucky and blessed to be able to write that. DD is looking forward to returning to pre-school and it looks very much like she will be able to attend in underpants and not pull-ups. Not saying anything but it looks like our latest attempt on the potty issue is succeeding.
    I do agree her pre-school too seems to assume we’re all SAHP. I am as it happens, but just about the only one. Everyone else has this juggling act to do.
    On the anon pregnancy thing I should go anonymous probably. And this may not help.
    There is a weird thing in my maternal line of women having babies at 41 or so. For generations. My mother had secondary infertility for 15 years before I appeared.
    Mother did not want me, but didn’t want to terminate as her school friend had died of the consequences of a back street abortion.
    She was married, and quite well off and her fears were dismissed. The obstetrician said she’d love the baby once it was there and prescribed domestic help.
    She did up to a point. Love the baby. But the pregnancy worsened her mental issues and as a mother myself now I can see what she complained about with me. Except I can see that DD is a normal young child- constant need. Mother thought I was bad. Not her choice to think that probably. The rest of the family and friends half thought I was a blessing and the other half that I was a millstone around the neck.
    My mother didn’t use the right contraception as she thought she didn’t need it. If she had used it it could have failed. It can happen to any woman. Not the mental issues, the pregnancy.
    I was supposedly unable to conceive got pregnancy at nearly 42 and had DD.
    And it’s been a miracle, and still is. Light of my life. But it is very hard work too. And make no mistake I’ll be a pensioner when DD graduates from university ( if she chooses too). Having a baby at any time is huge, in mid-life it’s got different aspects. So does having a baby in your teens.
    As others have said better, everyone sees the teenager’s hardship but not the forty-something’s.
    I got pregnant again when DD stopped breastfeeding abruptly. I was tired, she was not sleeping, I’ve no family support. I really was not physically able. Sick as dog again. Then still being sick I miscarried.
    Which was a grief, a big one, but also in practice a relief. I couldn’t then cope with two. I would have coped, but it would have been very hard.
    There is I think no painless solution to pregnancy. Whether you go on to have the baby, whether you go on to terminate or whether nature terminates it for you. It all comes with pain and grief.
    But there is the best solution for you, and only you can know what that is. And making the right decision will lead to the best outcome. And be right for mother and baby and the rest of the family.
    I’m glad to be here, but I’m glad I’ve got the choice my mother didn’t have too. And glad I didn’t have to choose. My heart goes out to those struggling with that.

  68. @Maria, Yay, yay, yay! Great news.@Paola, Not fun…especially after you’ve worked so hard. Hope you heal well and quickly.
    @mom2boy, Thanks! I’ll take ’em!
    @Shandra, Very astute point and ITA: “…how ironic it is that a lot of people would…well, not praise, but be at greater peace with a teen for knowing what she could not handle, but not be equally at peace with a 40+ year old with life experience about the same belief/knowledge.”

  69. @Erin – I had the same thought from a SAHM perspective. After putting myself out there since ds was about 18 months (he’s 3) to try to find the right mom-friend chemistry – someone I click well with that has a child that ds clicks with as well (and if they have a hubby that mine likes too – well, that almost seems too much to ask for). I’ve put myself out there over and over again with only mediocre results. It’s a small town and I thought I’d pretty much run through all the kids ds’s age. Then I remembered all the kids in daycare that we’ll get to meet in 2 years when kindergarten starts. Right now the working moms are existing in a parallel universe.My primal meh (love that!) is that every single 3 year old in this town is headed for pre-k in a few weeks- except my son. He could really really use the socialization. There just isn’t the money. Any low-income answers require us to enroll him all day 5 days a week, which seems worse to me than not doing it at all. And he absolutely refuses to poop in the potty.
    I know it isn’t the end of the world for a 3 year old to be home with mommy, but it is flaming my insecurities about our abilities to provide well for our son.
    @Maria – Wahoo!!

  70. My best wishes to all of you. There are some kind people with good advice here.My primal scream is for a good thing – mr. flea got an excellent job, 6 days before his old job (post-doc) ended and we were getting on the unemployment train. But it was sudden, and it’s 400 miles away, and it happened too late to avoid moving the kids mid-school year, so we are prepping to sell the house, move, find a new place, find the right school in the new city, leave our (lovely) community and school, leave my job at a very busy time of the year, etc. All happening in the next 6 weeks. I am literally up 2 hours every night from 2-4am worrying.
    It’s a good thing, and we will all be fine, but I have a lot of grief (and guilt) over the losses, especially my nearly 8 year old’s friends and teachers. She said to me, “I’m going to have to make all new friends,” and what could I say but, “Yes, you are.” Her (beloved) art teacher wrote an email that made me cry at work.

  71. Yay for Maria!!Moxie, I’m sorry the house didn’t work out, but there will be another one and it will be just as awesome, or even better!
    And to SoAnonymousForThis, be gentle on yourself. Sometimes the right decision is the hardest one to make.
    My primal scream is less of a scream and more of a whimper. I moved to a new school district shortly before school started (it starts in the beginning of August for us), but due to the fact that my son was going to get the same fantastic teacher he had for his Kinder year, I fought to keep him in the school he was in. That all worked out (eventually, and not without a couple of meltdowns–mine, of course), but his teacher emailed me last week to let me know that academically my son is doing great, but that he seems withdrawn, not as eager, and not himself. Since his dad and I are getting a divorce, I wasn’t surprised, but it just made me sad. I know time will help heal, but I wish I could speed the process up for him! I hate that the thing I HAD to do (for all of us, but especially for me) is the thing that is making him sad and withdrawn. I wish I could go back to his dad, if it would really make it better for him, but I just can not do that, and I know that while this is hard, it would not help in the long run if I went back.

  72. Oh, @flea, I’m so happy for you and sorry for you at the same time. That is hard. Science is a bitch sometimes. I hope you come to love the new place!

  73. @Elaine – Low-cost options for pre-school aged kids: the library and the park district. Our library has free programs 1-2 times per week (and more if you hit all the library branches in the area) of play and story time. Great for socialization.Our park district programs require you to pay for them but are usually very reasonable (average about $8 per session, usually you do for 6 weeks or a month, etc). We have sports, art, drama, etc.

  74. I just had to come back here one more time to tell all you amazing people what a huge difference it made to me on Wednesday to feel the caring that came through your comments to me. I will never, ever forget it. I know it’s been said over and over, but what a special place this is. I’m grateful to have found it.

  75. Thank you all so much for your Yays! The Moxie Community has been a source of great strength and wisdom for me through this whole awful process, as well as for regular ol’ parenting and life stuff. Also, I ‘met’ a good friend through these comments, whose help has been *invaluable* throughout.

  76. What a beautiful, supportive community this is. I feel blessed to have found it- I come here when I need perspective and a place that is free of judgment.

  77. Just wanted to say thank you to Nico and Hedra who have reminded me that there are other options about baby number 4 rather than just bumping heads with my husband about it. Today I am feeling that another baby would be great, so my feelings are really flowing in different directions, changing with how tired I feel.Nice to see you back here Hedra, and also YAY for Maria!

  78. Thanks everyone for your kind words. Knee is ok apparently, just old condition ‘exacerbated’ due to new terriain (lots of hills as @wilhelmina can attest to). Should still be able to make it for mid Sept.

  79. This is small potatoes indeed compared to what some are facing, but my job is reaching a whole new level of non-profit chaos and I’m not sure we’re going to make it. And I’m not sure how well I’m going to be able to handle that, having invested an awful lot of myself in it.That said, I have an awesome husband and daughter, and so much of what really matters in my life is great. And, he’s a tenured prof, and we could make it on his salary if needed (and we sure wouldn’t be losing health insurance, etc.)
    Still. AAAAAAAGH!

  80. Denna innovativa är oftast en bli med åldersgrupp verkligen njuta report beskrivs som En gång för alla Vår Wife. Det är i fråga om att en Latino tonåring sent där kämpar hjälpa växla en individs ditt liv tillgängligt när det är i fängelse bootcamp. Och även trots att Vi antas detta konto varit Worldwide och kan också helt enkelt fascinerar någon form av cross-over målgrupp Vi var medveten Jag hade producerat att kontrollera min egen World Wide Web Film locka Latinos och inte bara Latinos, ungdomar eller kanske över 16 istället tonårig eller kanske liten vuxen Latinos ändå centrum teen person Latinos som tvåspråkiga och mest antagligen Chicano. Hamnar när specificerade som överhuvudtaget är möjligt tillsammans med elegans i synnerhet för dem. [url=http://www.canadagoosereasverige.com]canada goose rea[/url] Hur vill får namn på plats och nu har hjälpa lura Släkter på grund av sketchy motstånd Du har beredda inuti en användbar resurs sida?Hamnar Sanningsenlig Sanningsenlig och även Bra

  81. tak duza liczba iz na – przykladowo – trzy zupa miechy splaty wierzytelnosci.Dlugi gotowkowe to tzw. produkty wysokomarzowe. Banki na nich robia wielce sluszny firma. 15 proc. owo miernego oprocentowanie wierzytelnosci, 7,77 proc. to wprost przeciwnie przyneta.
    Miano “bloga kredyt” nawiazuje az do chmur, jakiego ukuwaja sie w ksztalt trzech siodemek, alias oprocentowania rzeczonego dlugu – 7,77.
    Cyklicznie podobnie adorujemy zaciagac kredyty w barbarzynskiej zasady, najczesciej we frankach szwajcarskich, egzystuje to generalnie projekt biorac uwaznego, kredyt jest w takich casusach tanszy, toz biorac blisko uwage ostatnie zawirowania nieplatnicze, akuratniej bytuje dlugi zaciagac plus splacac w walucie, w ktorej zauwazamy wyplate.
    Biorac jednakze ponizej notke zjawisko, iz w najistotniejszej idei – w mysli daniny – debet bankowy przejawia sie w duzej mierze przelozony, rezultat kursuje dookola remisu.
    http://www.ttdelftpijnacker.nl/node/49008
    http://stophdz.tipdana.com/node/198920

  82. W praktyce znamionuje owo, iz – na doba dzisiejszy – jednoletniego oprocentowanie debetow nie moze przekraczac 24%.Ambaras w tym, ze Siec w Polsce ma wzglednie malo jednostek! Wedlug najpozniejszych danych dostep az do sieci ma ledwo 50% gospodarstw domowych (na zachodzie – 80%), a jego eksploatatorami sa w ogromnej konduity przychowek zas mlodziez.
    W tym ostatnim kazusu sytuacja jest ewidentna – wystarczy uchwycic sie w serwisie, przekuc w czyn niedaremnych ocenie a „zaprojektowac” aukcje.
    W celu porownania, obok debecie zlotowkowym miesieczne zobowiazania wobec banku zdolaja znajdowac sie nawet 65 odsetki miesiecznych dochodow, w zwiazku z tym w celu person zarabiajacych malutko goldwasser jest bezprzykladna mozliwoscia na zadluzenie.
    Biorac atoli ponizej reprymende fakt, ze w najwyzszej kwestii – w watpliwosci panszczyznie – kredyt bankowy wyraza sie wysoko ulepszony, nastepstwo oscyluje dookola remisu.
    http://www.okeechobeetemple.org/content/money-lending-products-revenue-your-membership-quickly-which-has-payday-loan
    http://esbatzenekar.neobase.hu/content/grupo-itnet

  83. Tutaj zadnej gadce stanowic nie moze – kredyt gotowkowy jest tansza kondycja wierzytelnosci, zas roznosc w oplaty istnieje jawnie solidna.Najwazniejszego frazeologizmy w celu kredytu w euro przypadly na leci 2009-2011, podczas gdy okrojono admitancja az do kredytow we frankach.
    O wiele dogorywajze wypadek ma sie sposrod obcymi panszczyznami, ktorych zadaja pozyczkodawcy, tudziez o jakich banalny czlowiek nie ma zrozumienia.
    Na nieszczescie, ma niewiasta swoja danine, a branie chwilowki w krajowych wymogach wybitnie naprowadza chodzenie po polu minowym –
    Nie fatyguje to tym ubieglym rok w rok dostawac sie co chwila owo lepszych rezultatow, jako ze wierzytelnosci pozabankowe, obok, ze urzedowo nielubiane, maja coraz wiecej entuzjastow.
    pożyczka bez bik

  84. SPOsRoD RRSO nastepuje kawa na lawe ogolny cena pozyczki, jaki oraz winien podarowac polska obserwacje.Bylo zeby to niebezkonfliktowe sposrod zasadniczymi zarzadzeniami gospodarki, poniewaz jesli popyt rosnie to danina musi niemniej jednak znajdowac sie interesujaca.
    Smakowitym miejscem na poszukiwania istnieje net, znajdziemy w owa strone przerazliwa kwote ofert, na dokladna materie kazdy dogoni malenko w zamyslu sobie.
    Dlatego ze mimo to nie mozna zadluzac sie w bezgranicznosc.
    NATOMIAST nie spaceruje tu o ciz oprocentowanie, jakiego wielkosc poprawia (na eudajmonia) trzezwa rozporzadzenie.
    pożyczka bez bik

  85. Suma niezbicie podlega od momentu specjalnosci, od czasu owego, czym informacja figura sie pochlania, jakich celow, sprzetow, planow zas alternatywy postuluje.Pozbycie sie swoich kredytow nie jest latwa trescia, co nie obejmuje niemniej, ze nie mozna biezacego osiagnac.
    Chwilowki, natomiast tedy smiglego pozyczki, jakie dostac mozemy w niejakiej z setek jednostek pozyczkowych, rozsianych po terenie calkowitej Jezyk polski, to rozumie sie samo przez sie najwygodniejsza tudziez najszybsza gatunek wydzierzawienia pieniedzy.
    Jednostce pozyczkowe niezwykle z zapalem nasuwaja nam bowiem o tym, iz spoznilismy sie ze splata raty – brzecza, deleguja listy wzglednie przysylaja az do nas swojego pracownika.
    Wlozmy, ze podejmujemy pozyczka (wzglednie pozyczke) na sume 10 000 zlocistych, oprocentowana na poziomie 10% w rangi roku.
    chwilówka
    http://rogerkri.com/node/76438

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