The reveal

FInally. If you follow the co-parenting blog, you know my ex-husband and I were negotiating something tough. We signed an agreement today, so now I can finally talk about it: We're moving to Ann Arbor, Michigan, at the end of the month!

I'm keeping my job at the best educational video game company in the world and working remotely from my new home (No. More. Subway. Crazies.), and doing the Weekend Part-Time MBA program at the University of Michigan. We're 45 minutes north of my parents, so they'll be able to see the kids all the time, and we'll finally have the support system we've really really needed this whole time. I won't have to miss work trips anymore because we can't cover childcare. And my kids will get to know their grandparents.

I can afford a house, for less than I pay in rent here. And I won't have to walk up to the 4th floor, and I'll have a yard, and a dishwasher, and laundry machines in the same place I live.

The MBA program actualy started in May, so every other weekend I've been flying there for class on Friday and Saturday, and then flying back. And doing my job and the commute and everything else, and also my homework. The academics: Not easy. The people in my program: Fascinating. Scheduling it all: Making me nuts.

So you can see why there were days when I needed to post something here, but instead was just staring at the screen, half-drooling. When your emotional refuge is running TINV functions in Excel for Statistics class, something's got to give. And it finally did.

Now I just have to finish my homework, go to class, find a place to live for me and one for my ex-husband, sign the kids up for camp, pack all my stuff, drive it out to Michigan, and take final exams for this semester. Piece of cake, right?

What's up with you?

108 thoughts on “The reveal”

  1. Moxie, so glad to have you in A2! You and your family will love living here–quality of life is very high. Email me if there’s anything I can do to help or if you’d like to get together. Congrats!

  2. This must be THE best, most beneficial, most considerate, flexible negotiation of all time. Everyone wins. If you and your ex never accomplish another thing in your life you can look back with pride on this. Amazing. Now get back to studying!

  3. So happy for you, Moxie! Reading about your morning commutes made me hurt for you. I’m so excited for you guys- all the best on this new adventure!

  4. Holy cow! Congrats on working it out, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been.And welcome to Big10 country 🙂

  5. I’m so happy for you, and very jealous! We lived in Ann Arbor for several years but had the opposite problem of our support network being in Chicago, so we moved. We miss A2 though!

  6. Oops, should have read here first. Congrats! I really like the people I know in that area (or have known). I hope that the re-rooting goes well for all members of the family.

  7. Big hugs, back slaps, congratulatory bleating and flabbergasted dog barking to you! You know I was rooting for you every step of the way, albeit in a remote “Insert Rooting Here” way.Woo!

  8. Wait! So LOD is moving too? I’m interested in hearing more about that part.I’m glad you guys got it all worked out. It sounds like it’ll be good for everyone.

  9. Congratulations! That’s fantastic. I hope you’ll be telling us more about the negotiation, ’cause I know I could learn a LOT from you.w00t!

  10. I’m so so happy for you! Congrats, Huzzah, and a big Anassa Kata to you!The back and forth must be so grueling and it’s awesome that it will be coming to an end for you soon.

  11. Congrats to you and LOD for making things work; that is such an impressive thing you’ve both done for one another and for your children. It makes my heart smile to see parents who are able to put aside their differences and do what is best for the whole family.

  12. So excited for the whole family. Ann Arbor is indeed a wonderful place. Here’s hoping all get settled fast.

  13. That’s great! Congratulations. I’ve lived in NYC, so I know that, while it’s fantastic, it’s also overwhelming (I can’t imagine it with kids!) and I’ve been to Ann Arbor–fantastic! You do such a great thing here providing support for all of us moms, so thank you!

  14. HOLY AMAZING! What a great, great thing. I’m so happy for you… and selfishly super happy that Michigan is gaining such an awesome family! You and your ex are awesome parents to have worked this out.Ann Arbor is great, and Michigan as a whole is pretty darn awesome, despite the bad rap it gets in the media.

  15. What kind of car are you going to get???? Because you’re leaving the big city and now you get to have a car.And I must say that this must have been a heckuva negotiation that you’re both moving amicably and you get to pick his new place (that you’re stuck doing it or that he trusts you to do so, I don’t know).
    And it just sounds great. I’m sure with U of M nearby you’ll get a great school district for the boys, plus I know Ann Arbor has restaurants and art and things that you would miss from NYC but on a much smaller scale. I think even the pan handlers are nicer in Michigan.

  16. YES! Michigan! …the feeling’s forever!Ann Arbor is one of my favorite cities in the world. So great!

  17. Yay! Glad to hear that things will be looking up for you. Hope all the preparation to make it happen goes smooth!

  18. I want to say something a little bitchy about him, but here I am being all adult and biting my tongue! First time’s the hardest!!Congrats, Mox. Goldurn, but don’t you deserve it by now!!!

  19. Congratulations!As I am also looking at a big move coming up (nothing certain yet), with kids old enough to have close friends but not old enough for Facebook, I would love to see some thoughts from you on telling your kids, helping them cope, and managing the emotions of the move, which is probably going to be more bittersweet for them than for you. (I feel like I’m going to wound my kids by moving. Tell me it isn’t so.)

  20. Congratulations! I did the weekend program at MSU. It was tough but definitely worth it! Having family in the area will definitely help. Oh, and two words… Zingerman’s Roadhouse!!

  21. I’m almost in tears reading this because I really think it’s amazing that you were able to come to this type of resolution. My parents divorced when I was young and we lived in the same town and barely saw each other, so the fact that you are all moving across the country (and especially that LOD is coming with you) really is special. I’m so happy for you and your kids and for him.

  22. Congratulations! I think you (and your ex) are amazing. This is so great for the 4 of you.

  23. Congrats! Wow! That sounds like an amazing plan! So your ex is moving there too? So cool. I don’t know much about Michigan, but it sure sounds less stressful than NYC! Although this month sounds like it will be insane for you, the end result sounds totally worth it 🙂

  24. Flea, I had no idea you were possibly moving! I don’t know how much help I can be, though. My kids were being worn down by NYC, and were always complaining about not having a yard, and spending so much time on the subway, and not living near friends from school. So getting all that stuff PLUS two houses with yards PLUS living so close to my parents, who they adore, is all positive for them right now. I know the honeymoon phase will wear off when we’ve been there a few months, but for now the older one is just plain excited and the younger one is high on life anyway. And they’re REALLY excited to live near Grandma.LOD and I are looking for places to live in the same school district, preferably walking distance from each other. We’ll see how that intersects with reality…

  25. That’s awesome!By the way, you and LOD are my latest inspirations in co-parenting. After all, if you can negotiate a move to halfway across the country, surely my husband and I can negotiate disciplining our 6-year old.

  26. Way to go MOXIE! You deserve this one! I’m thrilled for you!Is everyone’s life changing BIG TIME?
    PLEASE Forgive me for hijacking the post for a moment.
    We’re moving to SF from AZ in 3 weeks! YIKES! Time to be with aging parents and see my kids again.
    Today, I’m on the east coast saying a final farewell to my brother-in-law. This one is hard!
    Is anyone reading from SF. Do know of a home for rent? Or to housesit? Or the most amazing job in the world? LOL! I will be starting my practice in SF and wanting to visit mom’s groups. Hope to meet some of you soon!
    Moxie, I would send you my boxes after I use them, but we’re moving at the same time!
    Here’s to you Moxie! You inspire us each day. You make motherhood easier and pass on the best information. I’m send you great thoughts and raising my glass to you. Be well and enjoy!

  27. Wow! Super impressive. You and your ex are so inspirational.Much luck with the move, and congratulations on getting the bleepity bleep bleep out of New York!

  28. huzzah and yippee for you!! I’m really happy this worked out for you and the kids (and the ex). MWAH

  29. Still excited for you and posting so here too. The grad program…whoa. You are kind to remember you have a blog over here! Cheering you on, while sad the east coast is losing you. So so happy about the move though, it sounds awesome. I can feel the relief/excitement flood.

  30. Wow! Congratulations Moxie. And Wow! again for LOD. Both of you for the negotiations while the children were not aware and both of you for being surely the best of the best parents of your sons.This move sounds a great one and I wish the whole family a wonderful new chapter in Ann Arbor.

  31. You will love Ann Arbor. And, I know the best therapist in the world there (if you need one :)) And, w/ U of M football and Zingerman’s and about 14 other restaurants that I adore, you really can’t go wrong! Lived there for ten years and loved every minute of it! Let me know if you need any recommendations about anything. Congrats!

  32. Congratulations to all of you! And, welcome to the neighborhood!! We live in a small town outside of Ann Arbor (Plymouth) and LOVE it!

  33. We moved from San Francisco to the Detroit area 1.5 years ago. Midwestern town life after city life is amazing and I appreciate every single minute of it. See ya at the Farmer’s market! :). Congratulations on everything!

  34. Congratulations Moxie! I can’t imagine how difficult those negotiations must have been. Best of luck in grad school and enjoy Michigan!

  35. oh wow, that’s great! I live a little north, in the middle of the mitten, and after some adjustment (hey we moved here from VA) I like it. Michigan is so pretty and has lots to offer. A2 is such a neat town. Congrats!

  36. What delightful news. I lived in New York for two years, and now have a magnet on my fridge that says “I love New York…from a comfortable distance.”

  37. Moxie, How amazing for all of you!! In Chicago and a midwestern girl at heart, I know you and your family will love it here…. Love it when good things happen to good people, I see lots of positive happenings for you all very soon. Congrats!!Something worth mentioning:) Sleep issues brought me here and my little guy who still woke up twice a night at 2.75;s is now sleeping through the night all on his own, its been a week and I’ve stopped holding my breathe. I’m not cracking open the champagne but I feel like we’ve turned a corner. I can’t tell you how much time I’ve spent searching archives looking for clues, gleaning wisdom and getting support I would never have in “real life” Its been a long hard road but I’m glad to have this place to come to and be a part of. Thank you and I hope you can continue Askmoxie with a full time job and school!!!!

  38. Thrilled for you and your family! Raise those mason jars at Dominick’s and celebrate: A2 truly rocks!When my husband and I were looking for a place to land back in the USA after several years abroad, all I wanted was to find a place like Ann Arbor.
    We landed in Bozeman, MT, because my hubby has an unfounded bias against the Midwest. I’m loving Bozeman, so I can’t complain, but I do miss A2 — it feels like the ideal place to raise a family.
    Are you staying in Michigan after completing the MBA program?

  39. Wow! What great news. I follow you from Ann Arbor and love living here. I have a close friend graduating shortly from that same program. Once you’re settled you should post a meeting time and maybe you and other Ann Arborites could meet up at a local cafe.

  40. Congratulations! I moved to A2 ten years ago and love it! I live on the Northside where my kids will be able to walk to elementary and middle school plus we have a community pool! Would love to have you in the neighborhood!

  41. @Sharon, there are a bunch of SF Moxites – I’m one, you can find an email address at the page linked in my sig. Do you know what area you want to live in?

  42. I’m just so impressed with your divorce. I love both of your dedication to the kids’ outcomes. It’s so…un-divorcelike.I hope that with your influence, the way people divorce can become a better experience for everyone involved.
    Thank you, and bless you. And I *know* you will love Ann Arbor. It’s lovely. The winters – not so much. But whatever. 😉

  43. Yipee!!! So happy for you & yours! I spent 2.5 years in A2, and absolutely loved it. Ditto the aforementioned cheers for Zingerman’s and Dominick’s.

  44. I am so happy for you. And I love how you and your ex are able to actually work stuff like this out. It’s amazing. COngratulations!!!

  45. Congratulations! I am completely blown away by both of you moving away together. It is just so impressive. Best wishes for your move!

  46. It’s nice to see such good things happen for you. You’ve been such a positive influence for so many of us, and you deserve all the best. Congratulations!

  47. Congrats! We have been in AA for the last 5 years (moved 4weeks after our first was born). I found Ask Moxie shortly there after! So happy to have you in town, we love it here, it has been great for us and our boys. And that comes from 2 OSU grads now both working for UM.Looking forward to meeting you face to face!

  48. Wishing your family ALL the best with this change. My experience with people from U of M is that networking is everything, so I’m hopeful that this could mean some assistance finding a job that LOD would like, the school district that would serve your family best, and the right accomodations for you all. Best wishes for the move, too.

  49. Welcome to A2! My kids attended a wonderful day camp. (Now, at 12 and 14 figuring out summer activities is far more complicated–day camp years were awesome!) Your kids are the perfect age for it. If you’d like more information shoot me a message. I’ve lived here for 20+ years and still haven’t found anything I don’t like about A2 :).

  50. Congrats! You rock!I’ve been hearing the Michigan ads on the radio with the piano music and “Pure Michigan” in the background. Seriously has brought me to tears because I love the midwest so much. In other news, I’m a sap.

  51. Congratulations Moxie & LOD & boys! And Grandparents win too! Good for you on all fronts – work, school, blog, kids, you – congratulations. I am grinning from ear to ear for you. Big relief is in sight once you get settled. Yippee!

  52. Congrats to Moxie!!@J – Who’s that best-therapist-in-the-world, cause we need one over here and we’re in Ann Arbor! Send the name to Moxie and she can send it to me, if by chance you see this.

  53. Thank you so much, everyone!@FedUpWithLunch, the Pure Michigan ads bring me to tears, as does the “Imported from Detroit” series with Eminem.

  54. Woot! Yay! So happy for you Moxie. I was hoping this was going to be your news (moving) when the negotiations were over as it seemed that it was the one thing you really wanted (as far as someone who doesn’t know you IRL can tell).It’s all good and the rest of the stuff will work itself out.

  55. Congratulations Moxie — that’s all wonderful news!Here, I’m phinishing a dissertation and just trying to hold things together until the deadline is met. I’m eating too much candy, drinking too much liquor and coffee (not at the same time), and staying up too late. I’m looking forward to decompressing and spending more time with my son when I’m through.

  56. Congrats, Moxie! As we’re still living in graduate student housing, that bit about the dishwasher and laundry machines made me a bit misty…*sigh*, someday I’ll live in a house with a washing machine, too!Hugs!

  57. Wow! It sounds like a great move for your family.@Schwa da Vivre: finishing your dissertation is a wonderful feeling. Keep yourself going, it’s totally worth it!

  58. Hurrah! So happy for you, Moxie, and SO sympathetic about the commute (maybe we should do a round about commuting & parenting in which commuting is defined as not living in the same state/general area as your kids for part of the time – more and more people do this, divorced and married??). And SO full of admiration of you and LOD for being able to pull this off.Yay to ending the subway crazies and being able to buy a house! We just moved into a house with a washer & dryer – and they are upstairs! It rocks.

  59. Congrats Moxie! I suspected a move was in the works – but am floored that LOD is coming too. I think that is amazing. Truly, truly amazing and wonderful for your kids.Perhaps a moving with children post would be in order? We’re moving in 10 days and I am stressed right out. The house is a disaster of boxes everywhere, and I am seriously concerned about poor DS who, in the past year, started a new school and became a big brother and now has to move to a new house in a new town and start another new school. And he doesn’t handle transitions too well. Sigh…
    Anyways, here is hoping movers on this board all have smooth sailing.

  60. Ypsilanti’s less expensive than Ann Arbor and right next to A2. We paid about $150K for a 2000 square foot house with fenced yard, garage and central air. I paid more than that for a 1000 square foot cape cod in Ann Arbor with no air and no garage and no fenced yard–in fact, very little usable yard! Good luck and welcome to town!

  61. Fabulous! The fact that you have continued to blog, at all, with the level of life-changing stress going on (good or bad, it is still stressful!), makes you an unbelievable super woman. Honestly! Grad school, motherhood, moving, negotiations, etc…whew. I am exhausted thinking about it. Congratulations! You have set in motion things which will make your life so much easier in the long run. Whoop!

  62. OMG! Congratulations! I used to work for the full-time MBA program there and miss it so much. You are bold to take on an MBA, especially with a full-time job and kids and everything else, but you will do great. Enjoy Ann Arbor – I’m so jealous!!!

  63. Congrats Moxie & LOD, way to go!! and good luck with the move, hope the transition is smooth.Good luck to flea & Sharon too w/their moves, and to Schwa da vivre on the dissertating.
    we’re still trying to figure out if we can/should move, waiting to find out if the school made Adequate Yearly Progress & if we’ll get school choice to transfer. won’t find out until July 21 about a month before school starts. waiting for more to be revealed. and after a bit of de-tox from vile kindergarten, I’ve got my fabulous fun boy back, who just turned SIX and I threw him a great Star Wars bday party.

  64. Congratulations! Negotiating anything with an Ex is difficult. Safe travel prayers for all!

  65. Yay! Congrats! I bet you will love MI and look forward to hearing about your move, new environs, school, and so forth.

  66. Chiming in here to say congratulations and best wishes for all the exciting new transitions!Also chiming in to say YES! YES! please! to some posts about moving. We’re looking at a move in Sept. for one academic year (my son just turned 3), and then another move next academic year (this time for good). In the interim, we’ll have another baby born in October, a new school/bedroom/sleeping arrangement for the 3 yo (not to mention the *sibling*). It just seems like… so much. I’m sure it’s pregnancy hormones, but I’m constantly weepy at all the upheaval I feel like we’re bringing upon our little guy’s head. I know “the kids are alright”… but still… any words of wisdom or commiseration, practical advice or just sympathetic sighs, from Moxites out there would be so very, very great.
    Also – because I just love this site, and I love the way people here talk and think, and because I sometimes yearn for the co-present, IRL company of people like you… is there a way we can possibly connect with other Moxites in our respective areas, without hijacking the beauty of this site as it is? I mean, seriously, who knew so many of you were all together in A2?
    Makes me wanna ask…. anyone near Princeton, NJ, next year? And Charisse/Sharon/etc… SF-area folks… we’re moving to Palo Alto (hopefully Forever) after that. Can we somehow connect?!? I’m keldaj (at) [the ubiquitous one that starts with “g” and includes “mail”]…..
    Right. Didn’t mean to write a novel here. Mostly wanted to say a huge congrats and a thousand heartfelt thanks to Moxie, who really has created a uniquely wonderful forum here. And good luck, everybody, with all that’s on your plates!

  67. Ann Arbor is a wonderful place to raise a family. There is always something going on. Have to give mention to 2 other wonderful restaurants in A^2, Pizza House and the Maize N Blue Deli. We live about 45 minutes east now. All of southeast Michigan is great place to live. Welcome to the Mitten!

  68. I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time, through three babies I think! You are such an inspiration–thanks! I’ve lived in Ann Arbor for 15 years, and it is such a great place to live and raise kids. Let me know if you have any questions about town, activities, schools, etc. Good luck with your move!

  69. Wow, well done, Moxie! I’m impressed with your ability to negotiate with your ex, and move things along for yourself and your family.

  70. Such great news :)Did the same, but in a different way; we sold our house and bought apartments in the city, in walking distance from each other (as in five minutes). He then got a lovely girlfriend, who has kids our son´s age, and they´ve now moved in. And we have dinners together once a week and we go on holidays together. She´s a lot like me, except she´s more like him than I am. If you see.
    Seems you´re both really doing this to the benefit of all. Glad to hear your family is around, too.

  71. OMG I can’t believe you are going to live here! Your blog often reflects what I am going through that same day. I’m excited to share something back. My love for my home town.

  72. You know it might take you a whole 30 minutes to get to work or to class…whatever will you do with all that extra time of NOT city next to some crazy dude for 90 minutes??Congrats on all of it and I hope you find your stride quickly.

  73. Yay! Sounds like a well-deserved combination of freshness and security (I somehow just managed to make your news sound like a sanitary napkin ad, sorry). Ahhh. So happy for you and your family. Many blessings on your new life!

  74. Congrats!!!!! As a family therapist, I love hearing these stories. As a parent and partner, I NEED to hear them ;0)Sharon – feel free to get my email from Moxie for some SF love!

  75. I thought it must be a move because of the way you had been speaking about New York. Good for you. 🙂

  76. Congratulations! I’m glad you and LOD are able to work together to make everything work for all four of you. Best of moving luck to you.

Comments are closed.