Q&A: 12-month-old not sleeping through the night

J writes:

"Hi!  My 12 month old son doesn't sleep through the night, which seems to ludicrous to other people. I dread it when anyone asks me how he is doing in this area, because then I get an incredulous stare. It seems like everyone else I meet with children his age have no problems…they put their babies happily to bed each night and sleep blissfully till morning. And there's always an undertone of "you must be overlooking something obvious" or a notion that we made a stupid parenting decision somewhere in his infancy that doomed us to this fate.

I don't know in retrospect what I would have done differently.  I felt that CIO was wrong and went against my instincts as a parent…so I ended up getting up a million times a night to coax my son back to bed before my husband suggested co-sleeping for my sanity.  That was great for awhile.  But now we've evolved to…THIS.  Which is no consistency at all.  Some nights, I am able to get him down in the crib with little difficulty, and he'll sleep for a few hours before waking up, at which point I move him to bed with me.  Other nights, it's a fight to go to sleep…then a fight to stay asleep, meaning frequent waking, restlessness, thrashing, tugging my hair, etc.  Nursing him is the only thing I can do to consistently calm him, but that doesn't even always get him back to sleep.  Now it seems that night terrors have begun…he is crying and inconsolable, though his eyes are open, and pushes me away..then it just stops suddenly and he's ok.  The take home message is that restlessness and frequent waking are the norm now.  In the past week, he's also increased his nursing…we're averaging 4 times a night.  I'm slowly weaning during the day, but I have no clue how I can wean at night being that it's currently my "crutch" to get back to sleep.

My pediatrician told me at his well check today that my reports are not uncommon, but he thinks the only solution would be to stomach crying it out, or stop breastfeeding.  Do you have any good solutions?  Is this crap normal?  I keep telling myself that he won't be breastfeeding forever, sleeping in my bed until he goes to college, and that I think kids sleep how they sleep regardless of what we do or don't do…but it's hard to keep that resolve when I get those incredulous stares.  It makes me feel like I'm a shitty parent, and I should have done something differently along the way.  Or that I'm lazy because I'm using nursing as a crutch…but I work full time and am alone many evenings since my husband works shift work.  There's just many a night I say "screw it" in frustration and don't even have the energy to fight getting him in a crib, since he's gonna end up in the bed anyway. 

Any thoughts?"

My thought is: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

And also: Those people you know, they're a bunch of liars.

And your pediatrician hasn't had any special training in baby sleep–they don't cover it in medical school, so he's working from the same info you are.

Everyone who had/has a baby who doesn't sleep through the night at 12 months, please comment. You can count me as two. My children who both sleep just fine now didn't sleep through the night at 12 months, either of them.

The only thing at all that strikes me as remotely out of the norm is the thrashing and fighting. Does this ring a bell with anyone? I don't know if it's personality, or something that could be tweaked. So if anyone else had a fight-y baby, speak up.

But the idea that all babies except yours are sleeping all the way through the night at twelve months is just ludicrous. You didn't cause it, and who knows what would have happened if you'd made different decisions. You do what you think is right. But don't let other people pretend all 12-month-olds universally sleep. (Especially since there's another sleep regression coming up at 13 months.)


233 thoughts on “Q&A: 12-month-old not sleeping through the night”

  1. My hand is up.We did some serious readjusting at 14 months and again at 16 months. After that I answered sleep questions with “we have found something that works for us” (even though some days it didn’t).

  2. J – I feel for you, I really do. Neither of my kids slept through the night at 12 months, so please do not feel like you are alone. We tried CIO with my first, but he was one of those that wound up with crying so it was not a solution for us. For us, whatever arrangement resulted in the most sleep for the maximum number of people in the household is what we did (cosleeping). I think the objective in those early years has to be survival, especially if you working full time! It is hard while you are in the middle of it, and I know you hear so much conflicting advice, but from the other side I can assure you that this will all pass with time. The important thing now is to do what is best for your family, and if that means cosleeping in order to rest and be present for you baby during the daytime hours that you have together, so be it.We experienced something similar to the fighting/thrashing when my son was about 12-18 months. It seemed as though he wanted more space, but was also clearly not ready to be on his own in a separate room all night. We ended up buying a small, low bed at Ikea and placing it next to our bed. It worked like a charm and helped reduce the night nursing due to the slightly increased separation.
    Around age 2 both of my kids just developed the ability to sleep through (barring illness/nightmares) seemingly overnight, and we have had zero sleep issues since. They are 7 and 10 now. Believe it or not I remember those cosleeping nights very fondly now that they are older and so busy with their own lives.

  3. I have two boys, 5 and 2, with number 3 on the way in August. Neither of my two older children were sleeping through the night at 12 months. We did “sleep train” around 10-12 months, which dropped nursing down to about once a night, sometimes twice. A few things my pregnant brain can remember as being key to helping the boys sleep: 1. My husband was the primary caregiver at night. 2. We had definite set nap and bedtimes. No playdates or going out if it meant we would fudge on those sleepy times. 3. Routines before going down for nap/bedtime were the same.My husband would start out sitting by the crib/bed until the child fell asleep, even if they were fussing or crying he would just stay there with them. Then he would move to another part of the room say two days later, then by the door two days after that, then to the stairs. It took 7-10 days and was a major sacrifice for him as far as evenings/sleep go, but was totally worth it in the long run for us as a family.
    Both of our boys had terrifying night wakings as toddlers, it did stop as they got older.
    This won’t necessarily work for you, but I remember it was helpful to hear what worked for others and take what sounded like it might work for our sons and try it out. We always tried to stick it out for a week. The first two days are the hardest, it seems like day three was usually a breakthrough day in terms of kid sleep with us.
    PS-Don’t feel like you have to quit breastfeeding. It will not automatically make him sleep at night, which is what it seemed like the pediatrician was implying from your email.

  4. My now-2.5 year old woke 3-5 times a night until he was 18 months old. At times, it made me insane, but for the most part I nursed him back down pretty quickly. So night waking at 1 year seems pretty normal to me. I would disagree with your doc about quitting breastfeeding (full disclosure: I am a la leche league leader) because that seems to be your only “weapon” right now!! If you are trying to wean during the day, he may be making up for those missing nursing sessions by nursing more at night. Would it be possible to nurse him a few more times after you get home from work, but before you both go to bed? Also, I totally agree with using some kind of cosleeper type of arrangement … A pack &play next to your bed, a small bed on the floor like @Emily suggested, or even trying the cradle/bassinet on the floor (instead of on its rocking stand).In 2 weeks, this will be different. Come back and tell us what has changed, ok?!? Hang in there, Mama. You are doing some excellent work here. Hard, but excellent. Keep it up.

  5. at 12 months, we started getting up every TWO HOURS which lasted until around 15 months, and was due to teething, those DANG first year molars.all those people w/easy sleepers are full of it. many people don’t disclose their crappy sleepers for fear of judgement from the self-satisfied easy sleeper parents.

  6. Practice saying this: “he sleeps just fine, thanks!” My daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was eighteen months old, so I lied a lot. For us, it was night weaning (again, the other times didn’t stick) that got her to finally start sleeping better. (But don’t think that is the only answer, we tried it a few times before that and it didn’t do anything. So I just went back to nursing her at night to calm her down more quickly.)Some kids are just not sleepers and there is not a lot you can do about it. Even now (she’s two and a half), she sometimes wakes up at night and she has trouble going to sleep and she doesn’t nap. But she gets it honestly, her dad and I aren’t great sleepers either. (The difference is that when we can’t sleep, we don’t scream and wake everyone else up.)
    So if the sleep isn’t as much bothering you as the incredulous stares, just lie like I did. Do whatever the easiest path is for your family and ignore everyone else. On the plus side, in a few more months, stupid people will start to assume that he sleeps through the night and start bothering you about potty training instead.

  7. None of my 3 kids slept through the night at 12m. They were still cosleeping. At 19m with #1 and 14m with #2 we night weaned from nursing and moved them to their own full-sized bed with bedrails in a different room. (#3 is 11m, she’ll be moving this fall) We kept breastfeeding during the day until after 2 – there is no reason to stop nursing completely if you just want to stop at night! They were annoyed about it (1 moreso than 2) and cried some, but either I or my husband was in the room with them so they were crying with a loving parent and not from abandonment. Then after about 3 days they started sleeping pretty decently. I wouldn’t say either slept through the night *consistently* until they were close to 2, but they would generally only get up once or so a night from the point they were night weaned. It’s not a magic bullet, but it helped me transition from cosleeping. And seriously, there’s no reason to wean completely, i just don’t understand that line of thinking at all!

  8. My 10 month old still hasn’t slept through the night:) I’m not holding out much hope that it will happen in the next 2 months…. But yes, I know what you mean about others giving you a look when you tell them this. Sometimes I feel like EVERY other child in the world sleeps through the night. Except mine. But I know this can’t be true!!It’s a phase, this sleep thing, I know. It’ll be better this time next year:)
    Only help I can offer: Smile at your baby in the middle of the night while you nurse, lay down and sleep while you nurse, get hubby to take the babe for an hour or two after baby wakes so you can sleep longer. Hugs!! You can do it!!!!

  9. My 2.5 year old was not sleeping through the night at 12 mo either. He had already been night-weaned at that point but he woke up at least once, if not 2x per night. I think it improved at around 16 months – that was when the sleeping through nights outnumbered (but only barely) the not-sleeping-through nights. I also agree that you really are surviving through the first 18 months. That’s what it felt like for us! I think it was at around 16 months he started sleeping through, and after a couple of months of that we felt rested enough to try getting pregnant again 🙂

  10. Neither of my kids slept through the night at 12 months! And I felt pretty hopeless about it. My almost 4-year-old is much better now… and my 2 year old is fine as long as he is not sick or teething.We never did CIO (though there were some days where we let them cry more than others, based on why they were awake in the night – illness/teething vs. something else) and I’m glad – because they still know that they can rely on me any time of the day or night. This has been beneficial for us because my son has had some frightening, severe, almost life-threatening asthma-like attacks in the last year (related to viruses, as he doesn’t even have asthma), and we would never have known except that he cried out for us and we didn’t ignore it. It all gets better with time. I noticed that in converstaions with friends, if they said their kids slept well, once I delved deeper I found that their kids did not sleep all that differently from mine. They may have had *some* nights where they slept well, and some nights where they slept horribly, just like any other child.
    I was wondering if the thrashing and upsetness at night might possibly be related to your own tension levels. I know that my kids are so susceptible to my own frustration, so if i felt upset about their sleep and just wanted them to GO TO BED, they were much more likely to get upset. Maybe not related but who knows. Thought I’d give it a shot.

  11. Ugh I feel you only my son isn’t 12 months yet. EVERYONE (and their mother) acts like babies SHOULD be sleeping through the night by now (he’s 8 mos). I think I remember reading somewhere that only 50% of babies STTN consistently at 12 mos. And I can’t even count the number of times someone has said to me: “Oh no he’s in bed with you?? You better break that habit NOW or you’ll regret it!” and I get FURIOUS. Or my bipolar mother who was a total wreck when I was little (my dad divorced her and got full custody) criticising me and TSK TSKing on the phone, or the lovely judgmental silence and I have to be like “HELLO? Are you there?” GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH ARGGGGGGGGG it makes me so MAD!I can totally identify with the F** it I’m not trying the crib tonight. I’m too tired, he’s in a mood, etc. Then I berate myself the next day for not being consistent. There is no consistency for this child, and it’s not our fault GODDAMMIT.
    Ok sorry to vent. I guess it’s hard for me to comment on your post because I’m hoping that my little monkey will be STTN sooner rather than later. I don’t know how much more I can take. OH WELL. MUST.KEEP.GOING. You must too 🙂 You’re doing a great job, don’t listen to them, their memories are skewed. Jerkheads.

  12. “Practice saying this: “he sleeps just fine, thanks!” ” Ditto!! Unless it is a close friend you know will offer an unjudgmental ear, treat any inquiries into his sleep as a stranger asking how you are doing.

  13. My son slept through the night for the first time at 2. Now, at almost 3, it’s an occasional thing.Up until September, bedtime was a giant fight. He would thrash, pull hair, scream. For hours. If it only took 1 hour, we were thrilled. Two was normal. Every night. It was awful. Then…I changed bedtime. No more rocking, we got a MyTotClock.com and didn’t follow it’s rules. Our routine became – get in bed and nurse while the Tot Clock had it’s yellow light on. When light turned to blue and story came on, no more nursing (until the yellow light the next morning). Then I would lay next to him listening to the story. At the beginning, he was allowed to get ou of bed during the story, but once the music came on afterwards, I’d put him in bed with me and make him stay. For some reason, with the time we’d already spent in the dark, he wouldn’t fight me and would go to sleep within 20 minutes or so. The entire process (nursing + story + music) is about 50 minutes, bu most nights it takes about 30. And we don’ fight. We cuddle.
    But…he was 2 when we started that. I liked it because he could understand clock light on (nurse/awake) clock light off (no nurse, snuggle). I don’t know that a 12 mo would get it.
    Regardless, it will get better and you are SO far from alone!

  14. Mine’s 11 months old on Thursday and last night he woke up at 7:30, 8:30, 9:00, 12:30, and 4. He may have woken up between 12:30 and 4 but he’s in bed with me and sometimes I don’t remember all the nightwakings. So, not a year old yet but this has been our typical nighttime song and dance since he was 5 months old so I don’t expect anything to change any time soon.Until about a month ago I nursed him back to sleep for every blessed nightwaking. Then I instituted the “no nursing between baby’s bedtime and mama’s bedtime” rule. It does involve tears but he was never alone. He still wakes up before I come to bed but will settle back down with a few pats on the back, which I’d say is progress over a 20 minute nursing session.

  15. My now-2.5-year-old started sleeping through at 17 months. With 3 girls sharing a bedroom, and a husband traveling 3-4 nights a week, I was all about the path of least resistance. I would put the older two to bed, then take R to my bed to go to sleep and move her to her crib. When she would wake up, I would take her back to bed with me to get her to sleep, and she would stay there the rest of the night. (In other words, by the time she was deep enough asleep to move, I was too.) One night, out of the blue, she just stopped waking up, and we all rejoiced. :-)FYI, the 5yo was about 16 mos when she slept all night, the 7yo did at 2mos, then quit , then again at 11mos, but not truly consistently until she was over 2 (with help from some allergy meds). They’ll do what they’ll do – don’t beat yourself up.

  16. Yup. My son slept through the night at 2 years and 2 months. I thought that was bad, but now his sister, at 2.5, is sill nowhere near sleeping through – I sleep with her most of the night, and she wakes 2-4 times. I nurse her back to sleep, and am sure I should stop or something, but it’s so haaaaard in the middle of the night…I know your 12-month-old seems like a big baby to you now, but he’s really still very small. Lots of teeth and sleep regressions still to come.
    If you’re looking for something concrete to try, there’s this: http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html
    Good luck! It gets better. 🙂

  17. My son turned 1 on Saturday and was up 3 times last night. He slept through the night a couple times prior to being 3 months old, and has never done it again. I lie to those who will judge me, and share my pain with my close friends 🙂 Good luck mama, just know I’m right there with you!

  18. Two hands up here! Neither of my kids slept through the night at 12 mos. They are FABULOUS sleepers now (5 yrs. and 8 yrs.), and they did it all by themselves. (Sometime between age 1 and 2, if I’m remembering correctly.)I think it’s developmentally normal…babies’ brains take some time to get wired for long, deep, uninterrupted sleep. It *might* happen by 12 mos. But it might not.
    My guess is that the thrashing/restlessness has something to do with a developmental leap that baby is making. My kids always act weird when they’re working on some physical or cognitive transition.

  19. At 12 months my baby still woke up to feed 1-3 times/night and that was actually _much_ better than many of my friends’ baby’s.When I got really desparate and thought I should night-wean, I tried having DH get up with DS. Pah. It would take > 1 hr to settle him back down (during which time I wasn’t sleeping, either!) and he would usually wake up again. None of us could get up the next morning and any semblance of a daytime routine went out of the window. Eventually I said to DH that I would feed DS as much as he wanted and try to keep him quiet, but then DH had to be responsible for getting us all up in the morning. Within a couple of days, DS was actually sleeping much better!
    For me and my friends with bad-sleeping babies, their sleep did improve with weaning. BUT: we all let our babies wean themselves (well, only gently nudged the process along). For me this happened at 15 months. I know other Mums who decided to wean, hoping it would help sleep, but it didn’t.
    Now my son is 19 months and for the last 3 months we have been able to put him in his cot, say goodnight, walk out of his room and not hear from him for 10-12 hours. This is still _amazing_ to me! Now, like others have said, I do actually miss snuggling up with my baby.

  20. No advice, just some sympathy. We’ve got 2 kids – the first (boy – happy to be left alone to cry) slept through pretty much from 3 months. The second (girl – not at all happy to be left to cry) didn’t do it until after 17 months. We did the same stuff with both (or so I think) – but our kids were just different.The most frustrating thing was that her sleep followed no discernible pattern. One night, she’d go down well, but wake at 11 and then 3. Another night it was a struggle to go down and then only one wake-up at 1am.
    Breastfeeding (and therefore night nursing) stopped at around 8 or 9 months. After that, we just stroked/soothed/cuddled and then, by 12 months or so, just some consoling words (“it’s OK, go to sleep”). If it was a bad night, one of us would sleep in a sofa bed next to her crib cuddling her – although we did co-sleep in the very early weeks, we wanted to avoid habit-forming by bringing her into our room once she was several months old
    From 17 months, she began to sleep through most of the time and now aged 19 months, she’s reasonably reliable. Now, she just wakes up at 5.30 – and that’s a whole new issue to learn to deal with
    So, as I said – no advice – just some similar experience to share. Hope it gets better soon

  21. I seriously dreaded this question for a long time until I went to a talk and the lady said only 30 % of kids actually sleep well. I was SO relieved and thought, “hey, we’re not the odd ones out. The sleepers are” LOLbig hugs to you and I say just ignore those annoying judgemental people or if you’re more aggressive like I am, tell them if they have something to add, they’re welcome to come try their hand. Which night would they like to sign up for?

  22. Well, I will confess right off the bat that both of my kids slept through the night at 12 months – they slept through the night from 7.5 months on, both of them. It’s worth noting however that *everybody’s* children, even the best easiest sleepers in the universe, go through periods of unsettled sleep. We had a nightmare 18 month sleep regression that lasted 3 months, and the kids’ sleep is constantly evolving (they’re 3 and 13 months). So it’s not like you magically solve the sleep problem and voila! they always sleep. Before 8 months, their sleeping was a complete nightmare, esp #2, who was waking up 5-7 x every night.But I’m commenting mostly because of the fighting and thrashing. What led us to night sleeping was night weaning/ CIO (they both cried for less than 20 minutes the first night and by night three fussed quietly for 5 minutes and then slept). What brought us to try this (besides desperation) was how unhappy they seemed at night, fighting, thrashing, they just seemed miserable & desperate for sleep. With #1, he got to a place where even nursing wouldn’t re-settle him. It took me a long time to figure out that my babies really and truly wanted to be left alone. They don’t like cosleeping and find it very difficult. (Until very recently when my 3 year old started climbing into bed with me during his dad’s prolonged absence. See above comment on sleep changes.) I think they overstimulate easily; they think they want to be close with us but can’t really settle down near us. So CIO worked really easily and effectively for us. It doesn’t have to be a big scary traumatic nightmare. It’s worth considering. But as others have said, and Moxie always says, the only person who knows your child is you, and you know what’s best for him, and for your own sanity which is an extremely important thing!
    I used to feel like a failure as a mom because my babies were the only ones I’d ever heard of who didn’t like to co-sleep!

  23. It might be the 13 month sleep regression that started round 12 months for us and went on till around 14.5 months. We had teeth coming through and learning to walk at the same time so it was pretty brutal for a while. In fact, let me say it was one of the most brutal periods of all.That description of the thrashing could be a sign of night-terrors. Or not. DD had night terrors until she was 3.5 and there was a lot of thrashing and crying and irrational behaviour. Some lasted a couple of minutes ( although in hind-sight I wonder if they were real night terrors or just waking up possed off) some up to 40 minutes. You didn’t say how long those epidsodes have lasted.
    Night-weaning will not make a difference to the number of times he wakes up (IME). My DD was night-weaned at 7 months and still woke up continuously till past 3 years. She was obviously not waking up for titty. So my advice is not to night-wean or any wean for that matter until YOU feel you are ready to do it.

  24. Just tell people he sleeps like a baby.My 2.5 year old doesn’t sleep through the night. Heck, my 5 year old wakes up still sometimes.
    Someday, they will go to college, and this will not be my problem.
    Actually, it’s not really a problem usually now. Just because they wake up, doesn’t mean they need me to do anything for them.

  25. Neither of my kids(now ages 3 and 5) slept through the night at 12mos. And both were still nursing and co-sleeping with us at that age. DS, who is 3, still only sleeps through the night 1/3 of the time while DD slept through the night every night starting at about 20mos.DS had and occasionally still has, night terrors and nightmares. We go in and comfort him back to sleep. If he is too distraught we bring him back to bed with us and let him go back to sleep snuggled up with me. Generally I fall asleep too and then wake up a bit later and take him back to his bed where he will often sleep out the rest of the night just fine. I honestly see no problem with giving him the comfort he needs, especially when something like night terrors occur which are completely outside of our control. Now that he’s in a regular bed he comes into our room on his own sometimes. I allow this to a point and then take him back to his own bed.
    Our pediatrician has a 3yr old himself and says that the situation is fairly similar at his house. Would white noise or blackout curtains (if you aren’t already using them) help? Have you ruled out reflux? My little guy had problems with reflux long after the “standard” age for it.
    And as for peoples’ rude questions and reactions about it, it’s really none of their business. Find some stock reply to give them that isn’t rude but stops the questions and move on with it. He won’t be a teenager in your bed, he’s not going to breastfeed until he’s ten, and at some point he will sleep through the night. I would try and not fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other peoples’ expectations and do what gets you and your baby the most sleep.
    And just as a side note, if any of these people asking have/had formula fed babies, it is more likely, though by no means a given, that they were sleeping through the night earlier. Breastmilk is “designed” to only last a couple of hours and a 12mo old is generally not eating enough solids to compensate for all night without food. This isn’t really the time and place to go into all the whys and wherefores but there are thought to be a number of biological reasons why this is desirable. I didn’t expect my babies to fully night-wean until they were eating enough solids that I felt confident they could make it through the night without a top-up. This was around 15mos for my daughter and 18mos for my son. I did however cut both of them back to 1-2 feedings between their bedtime and waking for my own sanity.

  26. J. My son was sleeping through the night and then it stopped at 12 months. I figured out it was because he did not need 2 naps a day. Sleeping too much during the day made him unable to rest at night. Once we went to 1 nap, he went back to sleeping for about 10-11 hours.The thrashing sounds like night terrors to me from being overtired. If he is sleeping too much during the day and not resting at night, then I would guess overtired is creating the night terrors. You didn’t mention how he does at naps.
    I did do CIO at 4 months old, because I could not calm him. He wouldn’t sleep with me due to sensory issues so he needed to learn to calm himself. I never left him to cry endlessly. It usually only lasted 5-10 minutes and I would walk in every 2-3 minutes, rub his back to calm him, and then go. My son is 3 now and I can leave him in his crib and he will play until he falls asleep. He wakes a lot overnight now because he is trying to stop napping. The only great thing is he will play until he gets tired again. I am DREADING changing him to a bed.
    I am a big believer in CIO. As I said, not leaving them alone forever. Just walking in and walking out every few minutes. You are reminding them you haven’t left. The crib is safe. It is so hard to teach them to fall asleep alone. (((hugs))) It was the hardest thing that I ever did. Standing in the hallway listening to the cries, but it paid off now.
    @Erin…I felt the same way! Everyone had kids who co-slept and mine could not.

  27. My first one definitely didn’t sleep through the night at 12 months. She was waking every 2 hours and would only nurse back to sleep. My second maybe was sleeping through the night, but at some point he stopped, and then started again. It’s on and off. He is 2 and 3 months now.It’s totally not your fault.
    I was in a similar situation to yours with my first. We were co-sleeping because she woke up so often and it was exhausting to get her from her bed so often. But my husband and I really wanted our bed back. And I really wanted my SLEEP back. I was a walking zombie! When I started getting extremely angry and resentful about all the night waking I decided that using a little CIO would be better than continuing with the way things were. It worked for us.
    I don’t want to add to your pressure. I too was very against CIO. Still am for tiny babies, but by 12 months they are able to self-soothe. Maybe worth a shot.
    Let me just add that I live in Asia and here the conversation goes like this: “Does the baby/toddler sleep through the night?” “No.” “Are they breastfeeding?” “Yes.” “Well OF COURSE they aren’t sleeping through the night. That’s what breastfed babies do. My sister’s/friend’s/cousin’s baby is 2.5 and breastfeeding and still doesn’t sleep through the night either.” Completely different standard over here.

  28. Neither of my daughters slept through the night at 12 months, even the one who loves sleep didn’t sleep through the night at that age. I just had to get up with her the other night and she just turned 2 – but she did settle into a more consistent “sleep through the night” (a few nights in a row) by the time she was 22 months or so.My eldest didn’t settle into being able to sleep through the night till she was probably 4 with any consistency. She was the one who slept like you described – never wanted to settle down, fought sleep. We’d rock her and sing to her for 20 minutes some nights until she was 2.5. She co-slept in our room till around the same point; first in our bed, then on her crib mattress on the floor next to me. I then slept in her room with her on a couch we had in there as she adjusted to a toddler bed. Then she managed to fall asleep if there was music playing so we moved a radio into her room and let that settle her. Now at 5, she’s in her own big girl bed and has been sleeping “alone” with a bed full of stuffed toys and books and her radio but still needs the radio, and the chance to look through books. Last night I think she fell asleep around 10:30. My point is, she doesn’t like nor want sleep. Never has. And so I just do what I can to give her the opportunity to get the most sleep that is possible. She’s meeting all her milestones so it’s possible she’s just one of these kids who doesn’t “need” as much sleep as the average kid and I roll with that. When people ask how my girls are sleeping, I’ve learned to take it for what it’s worth: Small talk. And none of their business. Good luck. Try and get as much sleep as you can when your son *does* manage to sleep and know that you are right, he won’t be in your bed forever, he won’t be up all night forever.

  29. Totally normal for 12 months+ not to sleep through the night! Mine didn’t! One thing that sometimes has helped is to have my husband cosleep instead of me for a while. For some reason they haven’t been as bothered to go back to sleep with him there (probably because they know he doesn’t have milk), whereas for me they won’t settle for anything less. For a while with our first my husband handled night wakings for a while, usually 3ish our little boy really wanted milk and he’d bring him in, but it helped to have that longer chunk of sleep.I know it’s hard, but often people don’t get it! Plus, sometimes a baby sleeps through the night once or twice, or for a week, and someone brags, but they aren’t coming back later when their child has started waking up a million times again!

  30. Why do people ask about sleep so much? I’m with mom2boy; I simply say something vague like, “Nights are going fine.” I’m not sure why people aren’t more honest about how their children sleep, but I only talk about what’s really going on with close friends who don’t judge me. When strangers ask me how my kids are sleeping, I’m always tempted to ask, “So how’s your sex life?”What goes on in our beds is nobody’s business but ours. End rant.
    For the record, I have a three-year-old who still regularly wakes up at night. But not every night.

  31. I feel for ya, sister. Don’t feel badly, you are a great parent, this is really hard stuff.My first kid started fiercely biting me while nursing at 11 months, so we ended up weaning before I would have liked. I pumped/supplemented with formula until he was 12 months then switched to whole milk. We had previously co-slept and I would nurse him to sleep in my bed (with TONS of wakings, esp. during the early evening).
    But when we started doing the bottle thing, he rarely just fell asleep, so I was rocking and rocking him and he wouldn’t fall asleep! This led to a modified CIO- meaning, I’d feed him, rock him, put him in his crib and then go do the dishes in the other room for about 10-15 minutes so that I couldn’t hear him cry. And I was shocked that first night when I turned the monitor on that he had fallen asleep. I don’t know if it was the change in routine, the little bit of crying, the formula, the bottle- but he started sleeping much better with no or only one waking at night (when he’d get another bottle).
    For us, I think part of the solution to better nighttime sleep was weaning (which made me sad). But in hindsight, I am so grateful I started getting more sleep. So don’t feel badly if that is what ends up happening for you.
    Best wishes!

  32. I absolutely feel for you. Yes, my child slept through the night at 12 months, but it was a steady evolution to get there. I scoffed at “sleep training” and CIO seemed so harsh. I mostly tried to take tidbits and lessons from everywhere and apply things as they seemed to fit our philosophy or needs. Our first rule was that the baby had to cry for 5 minutes before we would attend to her. 85% of the time she never lasted that long and could soothe herself back to sleep. If the crying went on longer than that, one of us would go in to assess the situation for dirty diapers, illness, hunger, etc. We kept lights low and wouldn’t speak. We would touch, caress, and hum so she knew we were present and attentive, but removed all of the fun and typically tried to keep her in her crib.I think we started all of that around 6-8 months. Slowly her night time time wakenings became fewer until she was sleeping 12 hours. Every kid is different. I think the point of everything is to establish rules that you and your husband are happy with and follow those consistently until your kiddo catches on. Whatever you try, give it a few weeks to settle in.

  33. everyone has a friggin’ opinion on this. if you do cio, they have an opinion. if you don’t do cio, they have an opinion. you can’t win. what you can do is what everyone else here is suggesting and just do what works best for you. complete strangers – and dear family/friends, for that matter – ask the most insipid, invasive questions like it’s no biggie. crazy.regarding cio, i think it’s important to remember that you don’t need to necessarily follow “the books” and go whole-hog. it’s totally possible to tweak the concept for what works best for your kid, when it works best. like others have suggested, you can stay in the room if it feels kinder. we ignored the ferber method of drawing out the times between visits to the crying babe and went in every 10 minutes no matter what. we also picked her up and held her. it’s not a one-size-fits all. when you find the right formula it totally has the potential to work beautifully. or not, and then remind yourself you won’t need to tend to their waking when they’re away at college.

  34. When my DD was 10-ish months she was sleeping in our bed, nursing all night and thrashing around keeping everyone up. It was a freaking nightmare. I didn’t want to do CIO either and so we tried to get her to sleep in the crib without doing CIO and one night my husband literally walked around with her for hours while she cried. Finally we did the Ferber method — starting with night weaning (not weaning altogether, she’s over 2 now and still nursing at bedtime) and she actually cried LESS doing CIO than she did when we were trying to get her to sleep in her own bed with our help.She still wakes up sometimes in the middle of the night, but almost always will go back to sleep after a quick diaper change. Most nights she sleeps through (and a few nights are just miserable). When she was working on molars we had more miserable nights and fewer sleep-throughs.
    Anyway, my opinion is that CIO is hard, heartbreaking, yet effective and sometimes necessary. If everything else isn’t working, maybe it’s what you need to do. At least that was my experience.
    Oh and it worked so fast that the longest we’ve ever had to leave her crying is 20 minutes in between checks.

  35. Our nineteen month old still sleeps with us, still wakes up like clockwork several times in the night and I still breastfeed him. my older son was sleeping much longer through the night much earlier, but he could not sleep near us, and my husband went in to him at night starting at 10 months old when I abruptly weaned as a result of medication that I had to take for my appendix. But that was pretty traumatic for all of us.If your kid is thrashing around, you might want to put him in his ‘own’ bed somewhere near you so he gets a bit of space…he could be getting super over heated like our little dude. He only wears a diaper to bed!
    Sometimes when I weigh it up I wish I had not coslept and fed him all.night.long because I wonder when it will end…but then I think of how rested I have been and it’s been worth it. On the other hand, my other son killed me when he was in bed with us.
    So if it’s working, don’t stop. If it’s driving you mad, do stop. Many of the posters here in the past have talked about ‘assvice’, the bunkum that people feel obliged to tell you just because you spawned a child and they did the same once too. Blah to them. Like someone else said, unless people are willing to come and take a turn, they don’t get to comment.
    12 months is just that, a random age that every one has decided babies are supposed to be able to do things by. That’s like telling someone that by 28 they should be able to write a novel and if they haven’t they should be seriously worried and see a doctor.
    You’re doing a great job, and speaking as someone who has been happy to have one tool (nursing) that consistently works, I understand what you mean. Things just resolve themselves… Don’t beat yourself up.

  36. I’m angry with the world today because my 4 year old calls me in the middle of the night and apparently I am the cause of it. Really? I am doing the best I can, judging the situation as best as I can. She’s a good girl and she’s scared for some reason, and I want to comfort her. Yes, I need more sleep so maybe I need to come up with another solution. But DH, please don’t tell me we need to “discipline” her (even though you may be right).

  37. My 7-year-old was in a horrible sleeping place at 12 months – she had started sleeping decently (which is to say she woke up generally only once/night to nurse, which was fine with me) about 7 months but between 11 and 13 she was teething and sick and waking up 5-6 times a night. I remember getting a lot of crap even when I was perfectly fine with her sleep, about how to “kill” that last waking though, from people who were sure it was a “bad habit”. Ignore them. You and your baby are perfectly normal.(Um, and yes, except for the occasional bad dream or really loud noise outside or illness, she sleeps through just fine now.)

  38. I just want to chime back in quickly with what @Jessica said re: CIO – sometimes being in the room and trying to help them get back to sleep *does not help*. It can make you feel better, but it doesn’t necessarily help them. Our made up CIO rules were this – Do not go back in, unless the baby is really crying. There’s a difference between sobbing and fussy-crying. We didn’t let them sob. But fussy-cry, they could do. It wasn’t heartbreaking for us. I’m only saying this b/c people often think of CIO as terrible, but sometimes the things we try to do to make them feel better aren’t really what they need. I know I’m probably in the minority – with @Kristina! – but my kids really needed me to put them down and leave them alone, even though it seemed totally counter-intuitive to me. (I thought, well, they’re crying, they must need me.) Obviously, it totally depends on your child’s personality. @Paola had a totally different experience than I (for me, nightweaning = sleeping baby). All our kids are different. Too bad there’s no cookie cutter that works for everyone’s sleep “problem”! (But I totally agree with people who argue that the whole idea that it’s a “problem” is kind of fabricated anyway.)@Moxie – we love you, too! You have saved most of our sanity at least once.

    1. Thanks for posting this! I know this is an old thread, but it’s a good one. My kids hated co-sleeping. They could never settle and if they did sleep, it was only for 20 minutes. I tried for months; it was a nightmare for the whole family. Then I tried soothing them beside their crib and it really antagonized them. I tried that for weeks to no avail. Then I left them in their room alone and they started sleeping within a week. My daughter also weaned herself suddenly at 13 months. It feels like people don’t believe me or think I’m doing something wrong when I tell them these things. But I think kids come into this world with their own personality and set of needs; we just need to figure out how to help them.

  39. There is a reason why that book “go the f* to sleep” is getting a lot of word of mouth in my office. And that is an office of mainly dads (software development).Is your baby getting new teeth? I remember my first one (right as she started to sleep through the night near 12 months) then began to sprout like 4 teeth at once and then the 13 month sleep regression. Fun times. Or would he have started drinking cow’s milk recently (as you’re nursing less during the day and he’s at about that age) and be sensitive to it? [it is hard to resist troubleshooting. sorry.]
    My older daughter was one who had a lot of trouble falling asleep, too – she just wouldn’t (coudln’t?) let herself relax and sleep. At age 3 1/2 or 4, we began working on “resting our eyes”. At age 8, she still does a lot of flopping around in her bed before she settles down, but generally stays asleep until morning and no longer needs company to fall asleep.

  40. @Erin: yes the difference between sobbing and fussy crying! People told me there was a difference and I couldn’t tell — because I had never let her cry long enough to find out! But now I can tell the difference between sleep-crying/mumbling and actually being upset.

  41. We practiced Lie and Deflect. Lie (Oh, sleep’s going okay) and Deflect (hand the child something strange to eat like tofu, both are great eaters and it was all we had). It worked like pointing at something shiny.The older definitely didn’t sleep through until he was three and dropped the nap. He just doesn’t need much sleep. Never did.
    The younger started earlier but not before a year, but I don’t remember when. She’s always been a better sleeper and we really did everything about the same. It’s just who she is.

  42. I’ll pile on…My son who is now 3 wasn’t sleeping at 12 months, and he also had night terrors. They are just as you describe – inconsolable thrashing, sobbing, kicking and nothing calms him.
    We tried CIO, and that would only work for a short time before he’d be back to waking again.
    We also started having my husband tend to him during the night wakings. He was better able to get him to settle in the crib without picking him up. So, that seemed to be the best ‘solution’ – it didn’t stop the night wakings, but did help decrease them a bit and felt like another soothing tool besides nursing.
    Nothing could be done for a night terror though…those unfortunately involved lots of crying for up to 30 mins. We would just make sure he was safe and have to wait it out.
    So my son is 3 now, and he has evolved into a pretty decent sleeper. He will wake up on occasion – seems to go in phases- but he settles easily once we check on him.
    I have a 3 month old now, and i’m not looking forward to dealing with all this again! Good luck to you!!

  43. I don’t know anyone who has a baby that sleeps through the night. I know a lot of people with children.My son started sleeping through the night at 3 yrs when I finally weaned him. I could have done it a lot earlier, but not 12 months.
    My 14 mo doesn’t sleep through the night. I don’t know when she will. I don’t CIO and it would be wonderful to get sleep, but I know it will happen one day.
    I did not have that attitude with my first, but having gone through it all before I am not concerned about much because I know things will get better (and some things get worse–like having a mouthy 5 year old, but we won’t go there).

  44. Two kids – neither slept through the night at 12 months. Each got up 1-2x a night (usually around 11-12 and 3-4) to nurse. For the older one sleeping through the night didn’t happen until about 17-18 months…which was after she weaned completly.The younger one is 14 months and nurses down then gets a bottle of whole milk for the 1st wake up and nurses at the 2nd wake up. He’s recently weaned off of all daytime feedings. Just in the last week the 2nd wake-up isn’t happening every night.
    The killer with the younger kid is that he slept through the night (8+ hours!) every night from 2 weeks until nearly 3.5 months. I thought I had one of those mythical sleeping babies. BUT! Ever since then he’s up 2-4x a night.
    Good luck!

  45. me! I’m on baby 2 who didn’t sleep at a year. Number 1 started STTN around 17 or 18 months. Number 2 is just starting to do it at 20 months. And they both have different stories. I was still nursing when they started STTN although DS1 took a bottle to go to sleep not nursing. And DS2 is still nursing before bed.One thing that I think has helped with DS2 (but I think I did this AFTER DS1 started STTN but I can’t remember), was to get him to learn to fall asleep in his bed. I’m not a CIO mom either… and this isn’t a “no cry” solution but I don’t leave him. I put him in bed almost asleep (or even asleep but I jostle him) and then I say night night and lay on the floor by the crib. I put my hand through the slats so I can hold his hand or rub his back or whatever. It was an ugly fight the first few times, I won’t lie. But now he actually points to the bed and lays down and I lay on the floor without even having to touch him and I play scrabble on my iphone under the crib for the 15 minutes it takes him to fall asleep. Now I need to start moving farther away from the crib so I can start just getting out the door. It’s not a fast process, but it didn’t feel like I was abandoning him to the dark of night and even though he was crying sometimes I was there with him. ANd once he learned how to fall asleep, that seemed to help him in themiddle of the night. I do think this has been easier to do a little older so I can reason with him a little though….
    Anyway, you’re not alone. In my play group with DS1, a few of the kids didn’t STTN til over 2 years old. And none of us had those “STTN from 6 weeks old” kids who I think are unicorns anyway.

  46. This sounds just like my daughter. I felt very desperate that at 11 months she would sometimes be waking up and nursing up to four times a night. And then if nursing didn’t work, she would start fighting- hitting in the face, pushing away, biting (not very pleasant when you haven’t slept all night.) I decided to night wean (had done that during the day easily) and realllly dreaded it, because, as you say, it seems to be the only weapon in the arsenal. But it just got to a point where it didn’t seem like things could get any worse. We night weaned all at once, and there was a lot of crying involved (she would refuse to be comforted or snuggled, just go right into fight mode and motion that she wanted to get down to play or go downstairs) and took about two weeks. I think whatever you do, commit to trying it for a week straight, and then re-asses. She sleeps through the night 98% of the time now. No matter what you do, it gets better eventually!

  47. My 26 month old doesn’t sleep through the night yet. It’s still a struggle to get her to go to sleep in the first place. I think it helped her when she got big enough to sleep in a twin bed on the floor (no bed frame — just the mattress and box spring on the floor). She falls asleep w/ my husband, then he puts her in the bed, then when she wakes up she can come find us. (Our bed is on the floor too.) But 12 months is a little young to be able to do that.As far as the thrashing, etc, I’ve had to stop nursing our daughter after like 8 at night, until she wakes up the first time, because she wouldn’t go to sleep — she’d just keep nursing and driving me crazy. One of us would still hold her and try to help her go to sleep, and there was (and still is) some crying involved, but she falls asleep faster than she would if I just kept nursing her.
    And she still wakes up 2-4 times a night to nurse, but we co-sleep, and she goes right back to sleep (usually).
    Hugs!! A friend once told me that I’ll have to give up a lot for my baby, but that she’ll also have to give up some things for me. That’s part of what makes us a family. Follow your instincts, but don’t feel like you have to do it all!

  48. Oh yeah, and one other thing — stop telling people when they ask!! Ever since my daughter was born, when people would ask, “Is she sleeping through the night yet?”, we’d say, “She does a really good job!” or something vague like that. It’s not really any of the their business, and if you know they’re not going to be supportive, just don’t put yourself through that.

  49. @J: The idea that a baby should be sleeping through the night at 12 months old is ludicrous to me. I know you need sleep, but please don’t feel like a failure because your baby isn’t sleeping. It’s normal!At 17 months my DS was not sleeping through the night–that is the last specific age that I remember, because at 17 months I told myself that I wasn’t going to let it bother me and quit worrying about it (well, sort of). If he woke up, I just let him come sleep with me in my bed, and some nights I just let him sleep in my bed from the get go. He is 6 now and sleeps through the night just fine in his own bed.
    My DD has night terrors and once I realized that there was nothing I could do for her–and she doesn’t remember them in the morning–I check on her once, and leave her alone. If she continues to wail for 5 minutes or so, I check on her again, and sometimes at that point, she can be comforted down. She will be 4 in August, and still comes to snuggle in bed with me most nights (around 2-3 am or so).
    And @Sherry–my opinion (although you didn’t ask for it, so take it for what it’s worth) is that a 4 year old does NOT need to be disciplined for waking up in the night and being afraid. Maybe she could come to you instead of calling for you? You might get more sleep that way.
    @Moxie-we love you, too! I’m pretty sure my parent friends are tired of hearing me start a sentence with “Well, Moxie says…”

  50. My 29 month old daughter has slept through the night a grand total of ONE time. She weaned at 27 months and it made absolutely no difference in her waking up at night. She just needs a bit of help getting resettled 1-2 times a night. Even now, letting her cry gets her too worked up to settle down. It just seems some kids sleep better than others. I never sleep through the night, either, and I’m 26 years old, so I guess I know where my daughter gets it.

  51. I mostly lurk around here these days but just had to offer my support. My oldest was a GREAT sleeper and I assumed (as we do, right?) that it was because I did everything “right”. Hahahahahahahaha!!!! Yeah. Now I firmly maintain that it depends on the kid, and they are built with their own sleep issues.Second didn’t sleep through the night till she was 2 and our nights mostly looked exactly like what OP described. The “terrors” thing and all (although she didn’t scream out in terrors, just hysterically cried, with eyes wide open, and couldn’t be comforted until it suddenly stopped.) No CIO, 24 months of partial-to-whole nights in our bed.
    Third was looking to go the same way; I finally sucked it up around 13-14 months or so and did some CIO at bedtime (didn’t feel good about it but was desperate and starting to feel like I couldn’t mother the other two because of exhaustion). Fortunately the crying times decreased quickly night by night until we were able to get him down at bedtime fairly painlessly; but he continued waking 1-4 times/night for at least another 6 months. I always went to him when he cried at night, and yeah, frequently so tired he ended up in bed with us so yeah, I started getting a semblance of a night’s sleep when he was around 20-22 months.
    I firmly believe that the speculation, day after day after week after week, of why it’s happening and what you’ve done that has affected it one way or the other, is just as exhausting as the sleep deprivation. And the guilt and the stress, combined with the sleep deprivation, feels like it will kill you.
    Sorry, no help, just offering that truly, you are not alone, no matter WHAT others say. In my experience, many moms who sound like theirs are doing better are wishcasting or misrepresenting or just glass half full people I guess. Most of the moms who really don’t have sleep issues have other issues they deal with, some which I would not trade for if I could.
    And truly, it does eventually get better. Believe it or not. And FWIW, I have yet to find a pediatrician who seems to be helpful, and we are military and move every 1-2 years (as do our doctors) so I have seen MANY peds. They act like they have the answer but as Moxie said, they are operating on the same info you have. Many times less.

  52. Count me in. My son didn’t sleep through the night until he was, I dunno, 3? (Before we stopped BF, so neener neener to the ignorant doc on that.)FWIW, he’s 6.5 now and a fabulous sleeper. Goes to bed (in his own bed, after 4+ years of co-sleeping) at around 7:30 and sleeps through until morning except in very unusual circumstances (e.g., he’s sick or I’ve been away).
    I feel your pain. I got REALLY sick of the incredulity and the constant conversations (“yes, I’ve tried that, it didn’t work; yes I’ve tried this, it didn’t work; yes, I’ve tried that other thing, it didn’t work.”
    It WILL END, I promise! (Not the nosy conversations, alas… but they do move on to other subjects.)

  53. @Cathy- “Go the F*ck to sleep” has been VERY popular in our house as of late. Mostly at naptimes though. Both my kids really, really do better if they take a nap but both fight it like crazy. I find it cathartic to listen to the things I’m muttering under my breath or saying in my head. I’ve never actually said any of it to my kids but boy do I sometimes want to.

  54. Neither of my kids slept through the night at 12 months. Somewhere around 3 for my son, somewhere around 20 months for my daughter, the night wakings stopped. They both self-weaned at 16 months and still didn’t sleep well. I tried it all and the mommy guilt was only exacerbated by sleep deprivation.The only practical tip I can give you is: If you are still breastfeeding and ever drink alcohol, don’t. Half-life of alcohol in the body can vary considerably from person to person, and it is linked to poor sleeping in babies. If you’re not drinking, ignore this PSA 😉
    Good luck. IT GETS BETTER.

  55. I kind of fell off my chair laughing because my son is 15 months old and has “slept through the night” exactly twice in his entire life. Now, when people ask how he sleeps or if he sleeps through the night, do I mention that? No, because my vision of what sleeping through the night means has really changed. My son goes to bed sometime between 8-9pm and he gets up for the day somewhere between 5-6am. During that time, he usually wakes up once or twice, more often if he’s not feeling well.The few people who have asked me how much he sleeps? I just say that he sleeps really well – and he does! Well enough for me at least.

  56. My now five year old slept through the night at a little more than two and a half. Before he could do that, he had to stop napping and potty train himself.My daughter does not yet, at one and a half. (Well. SHE sleeps through the night. As long as there is a boob handy. I am trying to get her down to once a night nursing so I can sleep through the night.)

  57. I wanted to add, I’m firmly in the camp that spouses/partners should be helping out with nighttime duties. While they can’t nurse the baby, they can certainly rock him or walk around with him or help sooth him in whatever other ways work. I cannot function on the type of sleep I’d be getting if my husband didn’t help with nighttime.

  58. This is maybe a long shot, but: my son is now 11 mos and DOES sleep through the night, but only because we kind of figured out what the problem was at 9.5 mos and “fixed” it. We know that he has multiple food allergies and although I was on a hugely restricted diet, he was still waking up every 3 hours, almost like clockwork, every night. No one but me and my husband thought it MIGHT be related to allergies, in that something else was in the breast milk that he can’t tolerate and so his body was still so, so uncomfortable. No one agreed with this theory, which is why it took us so long to wean him.I finally decided to wean him at 9.5 mos (which wasn’t hard for me – I don’t particularly like BFing – but I know it would be heartbreaking for a lot of women) and within a week he was sleeping through the night. If/when we don’t give him Zyrtec he will wake up once, but the combo of no breast milk and a dose of Zyrtec is like magic.
    Before I weaned him he was, like I said, up every 3 hours, arching his back, scratching his face/scalp, and banging his legs violently on the bed. Only nursing or a bottle would get him to settle down. It was so obvious to me that he wasn’t just awake because he’s a natural night-waker, but because he was incredibly uncomfortable.
    For what that’s worth. GOOD LUCK. It is so, so hard, this long-term interrupted sleep. We were unhappy, mean zombies for the entire 9.5 mos.

  59. My son was a decent night sleeper (terrible napper) until about 9 months, when he started waking frequently at night. So I’d bring him our bed, which worked for a month or two until he started thrashing in his sleep, like you describe. He kicks and punches and pinches. He’ll play w/the collar of my t-shirt so much that it drives me crazy and I JUST WANT HIM OFF ME. Not good. So we did a little sleep training. We sat in his room while he fell asleep in the crib, easing him into it. Then eventually we became a distraction, so I decided it was time to let him cry a little and my instinct was right. He needed to be left alone to fuss a little and work himself into sleep. So now when he wakes up at night, I give him a few minutes and he never cries more than three minutes. If he does, then I know he’s not just stirring, he’s extra upset about something and I go in and see if I can soothe him.I never would have thought I’d ever let my child cry for any amount of time, but over the past few months I came to realize that when we went in there, we were only lengthening the period he was awake and upset. He actually needs to fuss it out a bit.
    He also recently started doing the whole “push me away” thing when I went in to soothe him sometimes and I wondered what that was about… is it possibly a night terror?? Yikes.

  60. @carmie I’d love to see some research that talks about what you’re saying about bfing and alcohol. I’ve never heard anything like that before.

  61. My two data points (both kids nursed on-demand and co-slept):Kid one CANNOT fall asleep easily, but sleeps like a log thereafter.
    Kid two CANNOT stay asleep unless she’s held, but falls asleep in five seconds, give or take.
    Both raised the same.
    I find it much, much easier to just trust that they are doing the best that they can, and adjust our lives around it.
    When people ask, I have learned to say, “Oh, thanks, she’s sleeping fine.” (Meaning, I am fine with how she sleeps.)
    If someone is genuinely interested but not judging, I might go into details, at a LLL meeting for instance. If it’s a bleary-eyed mom who wants company, I’ll share more. Or if it’s someone who really wants a dissertation on sleep, I might share that kid two has trouble staying asleep, but I waited five years to get to hold a sleeping baby, so it’s mostly ok. YMMV, but the biggest thing that helped me was making my own peace with my children’s sleep.

  62. @Sherry, my friend’s dad was upset that she was going to her daughter at night. She said, “But, Dad, what if it were mom? [her mom was dealing with early dementia] What if mom were in a nursing home, and woke up confused or thirsty or helpless and scared? What if she rang her call bell, and no one answered?” That one worked on her dad, maybe it would help your husband see your position?

  63. My twenty-month old is far from sleeping the night, but she and I still sleep fine anyway most of the time. No lies. I’m used to interrupted sleep.Forget babies, sleeping the night isn’t normal *human* behavior on a historical scale.

  64. PS: I should say, “no one except me and my husband and MOXIE thought it might be related to allergies.” Moxie was right!!

  65. Oh, I soooo sympathize with J. My older daughter was a champion non-sleeper, but she was super cheerful about it, and by the time she was 3, she was consistently sleeping through the night (before that, the best we could manage was getting her to bed around 10, and then she’d make her way into our bed sometime between 12-5).On the other hand, my younger daughter, now 3.5, wakes up like she’s being chased by wolves and has done since she was an infant. So, IF I can get her to sleep at a reasonable time (say 8-9pm), I generally can expect her to wake up screaming like a banshee somewhere from 11pm-1am, and if I want her to sleep beyond that, she needs to be touching another person, preferably me. This is not ideal, obviously, but I figure she’s potty trained and she puts on her own clothes most of the time, so sooner or later she’ll sleep through the night. She has to, right?

  66. Our little guy was still waking up several times a night at 12 months old! His sleep improved a *very little bit* when we night weaned at around 15 months. We did try night weaning a couple of months before that and it went terribly – really really awful, so we gave up; at 15 months it was much easier so we reasoned he wasn’t ready earlier. But even with night weaning he still woke at least once a night and needed to be soothed back to sleep. And we did everything else “right” that “they” say you need to do to encourage good sleep habits – he had a consistent routine, went to sleep on his own, had good self-soothing techniques, etc. Once we accepted the fact that he was just a bad sleeper, life got so much easier. Not because he slept better, but because we stopped blaming ourselves for his poor sleep and also stopped trying to “fix” it.Eventually, he did start sleeping straight through the night. He just grew into it, there wasn’t anything we did to help (at least not that we could identify). That said, at 3.5 he continues to be a kid who sleeps lightly, is prone to night terrors, talks in his sleep, etc. I was apparently like this as a child too so I probably should have seen it coming!
    All that is to say: you’re not alone, don’t blame yourself, and it does get better. Maybe not tomorrow or next week or even next month, but eventually it WILL get better.

  67. First of all, I am sorry. Second of all, I understand. I have found that those children who are so adamantly opposed to sleep seem to be the exception not the rule. But know that this is perfectly normal.Not to scare you, but our oldest is almost 4 and we just recently got him sleeping soundly through the night. (of course, it had nothing to do with our efforts) Although we perpetual panic about if he looks a little tired, he is happy, and lively and really doing well. If you are looking for suggestions on what to do, my suggestion is to take all suggestions with a grain of salt, don’t worry about judgement from other people, or worst of them all, yourself. Do what ever feels like it gets you all the most sleep, and things will slowly come together.
    I wish you the best.

  68. I remember the 9-15 month range as being the absolute worst, sleep-wise. My daughter would only really relax on top of a parent. My son routinely woke up between 4 and 5:30 PLUS at least one a week would have a 2-3 hour awake period in the middle of the night.What I realized in retrospect, when my son gave up his only nap at 2.5 and still only slept about a 10.5 hour night, is that he’s truly a child who doesn’t need as much sleep as the books say he should get. I could have saved so much agonizing over why my baby wasn’t napping/sleeping on schedule.

  69. My now 4 year old did not sleep through the night at 12 months. In fact, he didn’t sleep through the night until he was 2. I couldn’t tell you now what his sleep looked like at 1 (ie, was it one wake-up or more), but he sleeps pretty well now. He is still an early bird, but he sleeps all night most of the time.

  70. Neither of mine slept through the night at 12 months (and still don’t at 3 and 15 months). My mom learned to stop asking for the most part and my usual answer is they sleep fine. Yes, it is a struggle.Are you guys going through any big family changes? We had the kicking and flailing a lot at night around 18 months when we moved across the country. Our daughter does NOT like change. Does it seem to matter whether your husband is home or not?
    I nightweaned my older daughter around 19 months since I couldn’t imagine trying to nurse two little ones all night long, but that didn’t help the sleep at all. For some it does, but not for us. We nightweaned by letting only daddy sleep with her for a few nights. It was torture and the crying really bothered me, but she wasn’t alone and was safe, if very upset with daddy. Once I started sleeping with her again I had to remind her many, many times that we would have milk in the morning (I usually made it to about 5 am before I gave in). There was definitely some screaming and unhappiness at the beginning, but she could eventually fall asleep with cuddles instead of nursing. But take all this with a grain of salt because at 3 she still doesn’t sleep through the night. If I am laying next to her she will often sleep all night, but that isn’t guaranteed.
    Good luck and just learn to smile and say just fine and immediately change the subject 🙂

  71. My daughter is still not a great sleeper and she’s 2 and half. My son, on the other hand, is a champ and he’s only 9 weeks old. I don’t believe I have influenced my children’s sleep patterns much, if at all. I don’t take the blame for my daughter’s restless sleep, but I also don’t claim the credit for my infant son who only wakes once between 9pm and 5am. Kids sleep how they sleep. My daughter got much better after the 18 month regression passed, but “much better” for us was only waking once or twice for a brief “check-in”, then right back to sleep.Many people have posted an informative link about sleep. I’ve decided to pass along a link to something that might make you (and anyone else who has sleepless children)laugh yourself to tears. It’s a youtube video of Samuel L. Jackson reading the book “Go the F*ck to Sleep”. This is an actual book and judging by the popularity of the video, we are far from alone in this quest for sleep!
    http://www.sffaudio.com/?p=29842. If the link doesn’t work, just google the title of the book. Enjoy!

  72. My daughter is about to turn 2 and she is finally (finally!) sleeping through the night. It will happen. It just takes some kids longer than others. I found that the sleep thing over the first 2 years was so transitional. Once we figured out one routine and it worked for a while, things changed and we had to readjust. Good luck!

  73. Didn’t have a chance to read all the comments but this sounds like my child when he was this age!!!Very similar – poor sleep from day one, constant night nurser, crying, thrashing, restless, many many wake ups, hard to get to sleep…..this continued on even after I had to wean him at 18 months because I was undergoing major surgery. I began to really observe and look at what was going on. when he was sleeping, he snored or breathed very loudly. He also mouth breathed. He had reflux as a baby which I know did not help his sleeping as an infant and even though I was sure that we had “fixed” the reflux, I began to question what was going on.
    To make a long story short – it took me to get my family doc to refer him to an allergist who took one look at my son and said “this kid needs his adenoids out” and then looked down his throat and said “This kid’s tonsils are kissing”. Why my doctor didn’t look down his throat you ask? (it’s Canada, and docs are run off their feet and visits don’t include a lot of “examination”). The allergist referred us to the ped ENT department at the children’s hospital. 6 month waiting list. By calling weekly and sending in video footage which revealed that my son was actually experiencing sleep apnea episodes, we got him in quickly. He had his tonsils and adenoids removed and also needed ear tubes. Surgery was in June 2009 (when he was 3 years old). In July he had his yearly dentist appointment – found out that he had excessive dental decay (within one year from his last appointment) and would need dental surgery to save 8 of his baby teeth!!! (they think his chronic mouth breathing and reflux was to blame). Finally had the surgery in Oct 2009. Up until this surgery, constant waking up due to dental pain at night, although breathing improved from tonsil/adenoid removal.
    So finally at age 3.5, I had a child who could sleep through the night!!!!
    Of course there have been periods where this didn’t happen, such as dealing with our subsequent divorce and transitioning between homes and the anxiety/insecurity this caused. He still needs a lot of help falling asleep. But I am so thankful that he can get a good night’s sleep now.
    All those people who judge you – they should judge themselves. You are doing the best you can for your child. No one child is the same as the other. Stick to your guns, explore all the possibilities and don’t believe that CIO is the cure-all. If I had listened to that crap, I might have had a very sick child both physically and mentally!
    It will pass. You are a great mother. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

  74. My secondborn slept through the night for the first time ON the eve of her first birthday.Yes, she went from at least three night wakings/nursings (on a good night!) to ZERO. (Imagine the breast pain! hee hee!) I had done absolutely *nothing* to encourage this, as my firstborn conditioned me to expect very little sleep for the first 2.5 years or so…
    Fast forward to 16 months, and she’s back up again usually once per night. Combine that with the now-4.5 year old who has been a consistently inconsistent sleeper waking up to pee or get a drink (mommy-spidey senses lurch me out of slumber for those, even if she doesn’t disturb me), and I get very little consolidated sleep right now.
    I would think that weaning during the day would contribute to more frequent night wakings, if the baby is not yet ready to wean.
    Something also to remember is the difference between tension-increasers and tension-diffusers. A gentle “CIO” method can really work for tension-diffusers. My presence in the room with Dd2 will actually *keep* her from settling herself to sleep, which sometimes requires some flopping and moaning before she’s ready to shut-eye.
    ***** Furthermore, I’ve found that on the nights where I nurse her and put her down before she’s totally zonked out – when she has to kind of work to go to sleep on her own, complaining or not – she sleeps much better: either doesn’t wake up, or if she does, can soothe herself back to sleep very quickly *******

  75. I have 3 kids, 7,4 year old and 9 months. The older two did not sleep through the night at 12 months, my 9 months old doesn’t either. It will get better, I don’t remember when though. My older two sleep fine and have for awhile. I think there is a lot of wisdom in just not letting it bother you. If you just need to try something, I also recommend the book No Cry Sleep Solution. She recommends keeping a diary of sleep issues over a period of time, so you can see the progress however slow it may be.I once had a doctor tell me to stop breastfeeding at night in order to get the child to sleep to address my own depression issues. She told me that everyone would love to get up in the middle of the night and eat cookies and milk, but none of us need to so the baby could do without breastfeeding. I work outside the home, so night time feeding and cuddling are especially important to me. I stopped seeing that doctor after that. I was depressed and sleep did play a big role in it, but there were other ways to address that which I did.

  76. My oldest didn’t sleep through the night until she was about 2.5, and she would still have the night terrors occasionally even then. I’ve had to go back to co-sleeping with my 13 month old so she’ll sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, even if she doesn’t want to nurse. CIO just gets me a super angry screaming baby. This is a baby who slept at least 5 hours at once almost every night when she was smaller!

  77. Although I never ever thought we would, we do CIO here. And though its not what you asked to hear, I wanted to add this little tidbit. DS2 is 12 months, and has slept 7 to 6 for about a month. But, every time he spends the night at grandma’s (thank you mom!!!) he wakes in the middle of the night. She refuses to let him CIO, so she spends a couple of hours once or twice during the night getting him back to sleep. Then, the next night at our house we have to CIO again. Then good sleep returns. Repeat.All this to say, IMO, a 12 month old is capable of knowing what your “rules” for sleeping are. Set them how you like.

  78. I could have written this letter. My son is 16 months old, and still doesn’t sleep through the night. I still breast feed him at night to get him back to sleep. We did make a rule about a month ago that we will try very hard to get him to go back to sleep in his crib if it is before 1am, but anytime after 1am is fine to come to bed with us. It was for our sanity. I can’t imagine dealing with it by yourself; I would cave most nights too. It looks like there are some good suggestions here; I hope something works for you, if you want to make a change, and if not I hope you find a good response to people who inquire!

  79. My hand is definitely up–my daughter did not start sleeping through the night until a few weeks ago–she’s 22 months. My son started sleeping through at 9 mo, which at the time, seemed late, but no longer! (Cue bitter laughter here.)

  80. I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. Lack of sleep PLUS judgement sucks. Like all the previous posters, I can say that my boy did NOT sleep through the night without waking at 12 months. Not even close. I believe at that time he was waking 4 times on a GOOD night and more on less goodnights. At that point we were deep in a bad place in our family. I was back at work full time, my husband had a barely there job, financial strain was HIGH. My mom had lost her mother and had to move and my mom was and is my son’s other primary care giver while we work. It was disaster all over. And our sleep definitely showed the strains we were experiencing during the day.My motto then and now is to get the most/best sleep for all of us. For a long time that meant co-sleeping (as in shared room but not shared bed). Then we did bedsharing as a family of three. Then Daddy got moved to another room due to snoring so it was just bub and me for over a year.
    I was a committed nurse to sleep mama and no one could convince me otherwise. It was soothing for both of us and it worked very very well. At 12 months he was still nursing to sleep very well and it got him back to sleep when he woke. Sometime around 18 months it stopped working as well and we encountered other sleep issues. The prolonged bedtimes didn’t start for us until he was more than 18 months I’d say but we too have battled them. For us they signal that he has had too much daytime sleep. Sadly this boy of mine does not need as much sleep as other kids his age so we have to be careful about when he gets it to ensure that we can all get a decent nights sleep.
    As for nursing, we are still at it 10 days before his third birthday. I don’t think I have that much milk anymore but he still requests it daily so we still do it. When he stops asking, we’ll stop. Most nights he sleeps well if we’ve had a good long busy day without a nap. He’ll go to sleep happily and quietly and sleep most of the night. In the last year he’s developed a pattern of sleeping all night without waking about once a month. He’ll have one night a week or so when he sleeps 12 hours with just one wake up. The other times are a crap shoot. 🙂
    I share all this to show that you didn’t make your kid the way he is anymore than parents with “good” sleepers made their kids the way they are. Try to get as much rest as you can and now that no matter what it will improve with time. Until then, the correct answer to busy bodies is, “Fine thanks.”

  81. 1. Do NOT do CIO or stop breastfeeding unless that’s truly what you think will work best for you and your family. A 12 month old still needs to trust that his caregivers are there for him- his cries are not a form of manipulation.2. My THREE YEAR OLD doesn’t sleep through the night! And we’re ok with that.
    3. This too shall pass. (Repeat this to yourself like a mantra.)
    4. Re: the crying/thrashing/upsettedness- my kid did this stuff (still does from time to time) and what worked for us was keeping the house dark and quiet, talking in a calm soothing voice, just sitting with him quietly until it was all out of his system and THEN getting into bed. It wasn’t always easy to be a quiet calming presence but this was usually the quickest way back to sleep for all of us.

  82. My oldest didn’t sleep through the night until he was 15 months old. I am a working mom, and he started reverse-cycle nursing as soon as I returned to work. I let all my kids self-wean, and he hung on to two during-the-night feedings until I lost my job. When I was home with him full time for 3 weeks before starting my next job, he gave up those feedings and started sleeping through the night.My middle kid started sleeping through the night right away. Ironically, I had to wake her to feed her in the middle of the night because she had “failure to thrive.”
    My youngest kid didn’t sleep through the night until she was about 13 months old and started walking. Before that, she would just sit up in bed and start calling for me or just playing and amusing herself. Once she started walking, she started running, and then it was like instant “off” when she went to bed, because she was so tired. She still is a very light sleeper (age 7) and talks in her sleep all. the. time. Which is why I still don’t sleep through the night myself.
    But by the time our kids turned 5, they all knew the rule: they could lie awake in bed quietly or get up to use the bathroom or to tell us they are sick or had a bad dream, but they if they get out of bed for any other reason, they have to do chores or school worksheets. Works like a charm.
    Anyway, my kids are all intelligent, happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. If you are working toward a consistent bedtime routine and a consistent reaction when your kid gets up, then you’re fine. Remember that some kids don’t learn things in a few days or weeks. The kids that grow up to be really capable, creative, independent adults are the ones who need a lot longer to learn the lesson!

  83. Just want to add my support and data points. Neither of my girls slept through the night at 12 months. The oldest did around 21 months and the younger at 19 months. I do think night weaning had something to do with it, but that may not be the case for everyone. We did some modified CIO with both girls- somewhat successful for #1 but totally didn’t work for #2. Definitely not worth doing if you’re not comfortable with it. As for the comments of others, I firmly believe most people are lying…and you should too. I like Brooke’s idea- just tell them he sleeps like a baby! No really, I see nothing wrong with telling people he sleeps fine. End of subject.

  84. My first response was the same as Moxie’s (hahahahaha)My 22 month old daughter sttn at 18 months. Her twin brother is only now, from time to time, sttn. His preference would be to nurse right through the night but that’s not working out so well for me. I’ve been gradually nightweaning him and it has been working, but each time we reach sttn he gets sick (by coincidence, I’m thinking) and I can’t deny my sick son the breast which comforts him greatly.
    I tried CIO with both of them, telling myself that after night 3 it would end. It didn’t. Nor after a week. Then it wasn’t just that I couldn’t take it anymore (I hated it) but it simply wasn’t working and NOONE was getting any sleep.
    So I just resigned myself to sleep deprivation. It wasn’t fun at all. But I didn’t know what else to do.
    And yes, everyone thinks I’m weak/a failure/what-have-you because of my pathetic sleep situation, but it is what it is.

  85. Screw those idiots. You’re doing the best you can, doing what’s right for your kid. Lie, or boldly break down assumptions, whatever you have the energy for.One thing to check for, if you haven’t already: anemia. T’s sleep, which was never easy, went to hell between 8 and 11 months, to the point where he was waking 8x/night and never napping for more than 20 min. at a stretch. Everyone told us to sleep-train, but my mom-sense said something was not right. It turned out that I have some rare condition where I wasn’t transmitting iron in my milk, so he was becoming more and more anemic. One week into the iron drops, and he was taking 90-minute naps and waking only twice a night. I suddenly understood how other mothers had the time and energy to, say, shower and make phone calls. He’s healthy and happy now – no permanent damage done.
    Even after we figured out the anemia thing, however, sleep was our bete noir, and a big reason why we have only one kid. Seriously, though: Some kids just take longer to get to the point where they can sleep all night. Some kids need less sleep.
    We coslept full-time for 6 months, half-time (the second half of the night) until 20 months. It saved my sanity. From 20 months-3.5 or so years, i got up once or maybe twice a night to get him back down, which wasn’t fun, but was easy compared to before that. (DH was recovering from a head injury at the time, and T. never took a bottle, so I was the designated nighttime parent.) I nursed him to sleep for ages, because that was what worked. No regrets.
    Sometime between 3 and 4, T. just started sleeping through most nights – now at 5.5, he might wake once a week (street noise, kicked off his covers, etc.), and one of us will come in and rub his back for a minute or two until he falls asleep again. He sleeps about 9-10 hours a night – less than his peers, but the right amount for him.
    We made it through. You will too.

  86. I know there’s already a million responses, but I wanted to chime in with something that I recently noticed. My 16-month-old has never once slept through the night, but we cosleep and now we mostly sleep great. I don’t mind the 2 or 3 quick wake ups. (even tho my ped is horrified.) Usually he goes to bed quickly (30 mins) but sometimes he’s in a thrashing, playing, pinching, wiggly mood. I can’t just leave him because he will just get up and follow me out of the room ( one drawback to no crib) but sometimes I need a time-out, so I send Daddy in to lie down with him. He will not go to sleep for Daddy, and actually cries hysterically, so I usually stay out only 10 minutes or so. But when I do go back in, he falls asleep in my arms almost immediately. It’s like he needs a good cry to wind down. So now it’s another tool we sometimes use.

  87. My first one didn’t sleep through at 12 months and he did the fighting and thrashing thing which scared the daylights out of me at first – was he sick, uncomfortable who knew? Finally I figured he was just tired, frustrated, annoyed, not wanting to be held, wanting to be held etc etc – it was tough to rock and sing in any sort of a calming way despite the sleep deprivation while he was throwing his full baby weight around in my arms but we eventually got through it – anyway now he is 3.5, sleeps through the night and still fights and thrashes when he is sad, frustrated and … tired. I figure its just his personality and he still likes being held securely during these times to help him calm down. Good luck – you will get through this and like me may not even remember at what age he actually did start sleeping through the night.

  88. It’s so shitty that people ask that question all the time — and even shittier that your pediatrician recommended weaning. Just lie to your friends and family if you have to…they don’t really need to know.My daughter, who’s almost 3 now, didn’t sleep through the night until around 21 months, I think. And even then, not always. It’s true that most babies I know who were breastfed didn’t sleep through the night until they were weaned. But I think you can night-wean. I can’t remember when I did it, but I think it was somewhere around 18 months, when she started sleeping on a futon (she was tall and could climb out of a crib). We live in a one-bedroom apt and at the time we shared the bedroom with our daughter. To night-wean, I slept in the living room, and my husband dealt with night wakings on his own. I didn’t intervene, even if she was really upset. He gave her water if she was thirsty, and some cereal if she was hungry. I can’t remember how many nights it took, and it was hard on him for a few nights, but she eventually slept better and could handle it when I said “No nurse until morning.” She still woke up a couple times a night, but would go back to sleep more easily. It’s sort of a modified cry-it-out approach, in that the baby is still with a loving parent — just not with you and your milk.

  89. Oh how I feel your pain. My first son didn’t sleep through the night until he was 2 1/2 years old. I mean, I don’t want to scare you by saying that or anything, but alas, there it is. I remember getting angry with people who would complain about their child waking up 1 or 2 times a night because my guy was waking up EVERY HOUR, EVERY NIGHT. It didn’t matter if he was in his crib or in bed with us, and he would nurse non-stop most of the night. About 12 months of age was really the worst of it.My advice would be to A) ignore people who say they “should” be sleeping thru the night because they’re full of it. B) Ignore those who say their kids sleep through the night because really, you don’t need to hear about it because it’s only going to make you feel worse. C) Ignore your dr. If you don’t feel comfortable with CIO, as I did not either and still don’t, then don’t do it. D) don’t stop nursing. If nursing works, then do it.
    If there’s one thing I’ve gained from having child #2, it is perspective. #2 is now 17 months and he doesn’t sleep through the night either and you know what? who cares? I do what it takes for him to sleep as well as he can and I am most comfortable too. Our new motto at our house is pick a bed and sleep in it. Could be a crib, could be our bed, could be the couch, I don’t care, so long as we’re all comfy and resting the best we can.

  90. Wow, I wish I had read all these comments back when my daughter wasn’t sleeping through! It wasn’t until she was around 26 months that she finally slept all night, by herself, in her own bed, with no crutch – I mean nursing session. I truly thought it would never ever happen for her, but it did. I feel your pain and I definitely side with the do-what-works-best-for-you-right-now camp. I know it’s so draining and seems like it will last forever, but I’m here to tell you there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t do anything differently, either – she just got to a point where she could sleep. I love the idea of telling anyone who asks that your son sleeps just fine. I wish I had thought of that myself, instead of getting all those incredulous looks from people. Good luck, and this too shall pass!

  91. Yep – same here. I don’t even respond to the sleep questions anymore (or I lie). My 18 month old does not sleep through the night and it’s as inconsistent as your baby. I can’t make him sleep, so I power through and I try to take care of myself. Yes, I work, but I’m lucky to work part time. I need to pay for full time daycare so sometimes I leave the kids at the sitter’s and take a nap or get a pedicure, or do something for me. It helps to recharge a bit. I may have read it here, but the only people qualified to give you sleep advice are the ones that are willing to come to your house in the middle of the night and help you out. Good luck – sleeplessness is TOUGH.

  92. No time to do more than add a data point.My now 4 year old didn’t start sleeping through the night until she was 2. When she just, um, started sleeping through the night. No idea why. Even in retrospect, I don’t think there was anything that would have made it happen faster. Not even CIO. She is one stubborn kid.
    My now 21 month old sleeps through the night sometimes, but only when cosleeping. She went through a sweet, one month phase when she was about 2.5 months old where she slept through the night, too.

  93. I wore a firm bra and thick sweatshirt to bed, tied back my hair and explained to my son that he would not be nursing at night any more, and lay with my back to him enduring the tantrum. He was 19 months old at the time, and after two bumpy nights, I went back to wearing pajamas, and he now sleeps through the night. I let him nurse while in bed with me, once it’s light out.He’s a classic tension increaser who pukes really easily, so I wasn’t willing to do an unattended cry-it-out, but I was end-of-my-rope frustrated. (I always keep a basin handy at bed time, since he seems to gag and puke often if he’s got a stuffy nose.)
    At 12 months, all crying seemed like a one-way path to a train wreck of total sleeplessness, but around 15 months, I started being able to distinguish “angry” from “miserable” in his cry. I had to start the night weaning project on a night when my own frustration/resentment/anger had built up to a sufficient level to steel my resolve – it gave me the confidence to see it through on the first try.

  94. My daughter didn’t sleep through the night with anything approaching consistency until around two years old. We weaned from nursing to sleep (our last nursing session) at 27 months (when I became pregnant again). Co-sleeping was our life saver! I work full time and just didn’t have the energy to be back and forth all night.We also had night terrors show up around 15 or 18 months. I’d just lie there with her until it passed. There was nothing else that seemed to help.
    Also, remember that it’s somewhat luck of the draw — not necessarily anything you did. Our twins sleep much better than our first did (and we’re grateful for that every day). We may be more experienced as parents, but I don’t think that’s enough to account for the drastic difference in their sleep patterns.

  95. My girls started teething at 6 months and didn’t STTN consistently until just recently at age 3. That said, I think my going in and rocking them didn’t help the situation either. They needed to learn how to put themselves back to sleep. Eventually that skill came with age, but for all of our sakes, I wish they had learned it earlier.I think the thing to keep in mind is that there are short term solutions and there are long term solutions. Sometimes the short term solutions seem like the only possibility, but really, if no one is getting any sleep is that the best solution? Little tweaks to things can go a long way, and no CIO isn’t the only option out there but it is one option that shouldn’t be tossed out completely, especially if you haven’t read the books. Sometimes just making sure my girls knew their crib was the only place they were sleeping (and not bringing them into bed with me) helped the situation immensely.

  96. Wow. I needed to read this post and comments today. My daughter is 22 months old, and occasionally will sleep through the night for a few nights in a row. I’m feeling frustrated, and a bit sick of nursing, but I can’t stomach CIO. I suffered from PPD and still am dealing with anxiety (treated with exercise, therapy, and a low dose of medicine). CIO made me a wreck, which can’t possibly be good for her. I have no answers, except to say you’re not alone.

  97. I’m so sorry and I can totally relate. I have a son who is 2 1/2. He didn’t start sleeping through the night until 22 months. It happened to conincide with me weaning him from breast feeding completely (we still had one morning feeding). Now at 2 1/2 he mostly sleeps through the night. We are on week 3 of no diapers (day or night), so there have been more frequent wake ups, but we are getting back on track. At some point your little one will sleep through the night.For us, CIO (check and console) was the only thing that worked. And, consistency. Like some other posters, my son cried more with the “gentle” methods of sleep training. You will find what works best for your family. To hell with everyone else!

  98. *raises hand*My 2 yr old still wakes at least once during the night. We are still bed-sharing and nursing. It could be said that my still nursing her back to sleep is a crutch. I say, a crutch is a useful tool to help a person when they need it. It doesn’t hurt my daughter, and I don’t mind it (all the time).
    I sometimes wonder what will happen down the road when we have another child, but figure we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, I’ll do what we need to get the most sleep possible and everyone with a perfect child who sleeps 10 hrs straight thru the night can kiss my pattooty. 🙂

  99. Oh, and my terrible sleeper was a formula baby from day 5. And then cow’s milk from a year. And then every sort of “milk like” product for the next in an attempt to tie something external to his craptacular sleeping habits.At some point I switched him from a milk bottle to a water bottle when he woke up at night but he was still drinking from a bottle up until he turned 3. I was TERRIFIED to take it away because it was the only thing that would calm him down from a screaming fit or get him back to sleep at night.
    He’s now 3 years and 9 months old and I couldn’t tell you when the last time he woke up for more than a minute during the middle of the night or fell out in a screaming fit. Those days (and nights) are fading fast into a blur of memory.

  100. My son is 13 months old and is still waking 4 times a night. He will usually go to bed around 7:30pm without a fight, but then he’s up at 12am, 2am, 3:30am, 5:30am to nurse and then awake for the day at 7:00am. He only wants me and will only nurse back to sleep. If Daddy goes in or I try and hold out on nursing, he’ll scream and throw a fit. I’m exhausted, but don’t know what else to do.My daughter is almost 4 years old. She didn’t really sleep all the way through the night until she turned 3. I keep telling myself, this can only last 2 more years. If I can get him to turn 3, then maybe he’ll sleep straight through the night.
    I have no advice, only commiseration. I think babies and kids just sleep how they sleep (like you said). My son is currently transitioning from 2 naps a day to 1 nap a day. My fingers are crossed that somehow this will magically fix his sleep (even though I know it probably will not).
    Looking forward to reading other comments to see if anyone has any ideas…
    Best of luck.

  101. Haven’t read through all the comments, but our 26 month old just started sleeping though the night, and in her own bed all night. It happened practically overnight (hahaha!), and for the past year or so she started out in her bed, but ended up in ours by 1am. I nightweaned at ~18 months which helped her sleep longer even though she was in our bed.Also, it took me a while to get to this stage, but I never question what I did in the past and how its influenced/caused what is happening now. We did what worked at the time and that was the right decision. Now that I have a second baby who goes to and stays asleep waaaaaay more easily also makes me think that kids sleep how they’re going to sleep for the most part.
    Finally, I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders when I stopped worrying about what I thought she should be doing. The fact that the tides have turned and she’s sleeping in her bed and through the night have confirmed that we did what was best for meeting her needs.
    Good luck!

  102. Your ped is a twit. Why would you stop breastfeeding, and lose one of your best tools for getting rest??You are not doing anything wrong. Some kids are just shitty sleepers. I have one. My 5-1/2 year old does not sleep through the night (don’t spaz, keep reading). Her sister is 4, was parented EXACTLY the same way, and she does. Go figure. It’s something they’re born with, and you didn’t do anything wrong. And you need new friends who don’t lie.
    Here’s my rule – do whatever works so that everyone gets as much good sleep as possible. Try putting a twin bed in the baby’s room, nursing him to sleep there, and then leaving when he’s fully asleep. Try going back to THAT bed with him instead of bringing him into your bed at night. IF that works for your family, keep doing it until it stops working. Then think of something else.
    And when people ask you about his sleep (which is so none of their business and simply one of those mommy-competition areas that people like to gloat about, when the fact is that babies are born being good or bad sleepers, and hopefully their next baby will knock them off of their sanctimonious high horse!), just say, “We’re all getting enough rest, thanks for asking! How is little Johnny’s eczema coming along.” In other words, address the question in general terms, and then change the subject.
    Learning to sleep independently is a g-r-a-d-u-a-l process. It won’t happen overnight. My oldest (bad sleeper) slept in the swing, then slept with us, then slept in the toddler bed but snuck into ours in the middle of the night, then slept in a twin bed but snuck into ours in the middle of the night, then slept all night in her own bed but had to come down and complain about it nightly, and now she’s finally not coming down to bug me even though I hear her awake at night.
    You probably don’t sleep through the night, either, you know. It’s a myth that people should sleep soundly for 8 straight hours. Everyone wakes up.
    Do what you have to do to get enough rest. Do what you can live with – if CIO seems wrong to you DON’T DO IT. Research doesn’t support it, anyway. Find more supportive friends who don’t lie to you about their kids. I guarantee those people do not just put their babies in a crib at 8 pm and walk out until 8 am every night. Liars liars, pants on fires. Most of all, remember this, you are not a bad or stupid mother. My kids are great, and we all survived my bad sleeper.

  103. NINJA PLEASE. My daughter didn’t sleep through until 14 months, and I *had* done a (very modified) CIO, only because my kid was miserable and exhausted, 100% of the time, so I felt that I had to do SOMEthing to help her be less miserable. But even with that, it stopped her from waking 5-6 times a night to 1-2, and then 1, always around 4 a.m., which stopped at 14 months once I nightweaned her.Another woman I know had a kid who didn’t sleep through until WELL past 16 months. She almost lost her mind, but it ended.
    Pah, to the people who tell you what should be happening. LA LA LA, I say, because these are the same people who take credit for their kids who are naturally good sleepers. Like they ENGINEERED good sleeping kids. Which, HAAAA NO.

  104. Heather, that’s great. Thank you! To the original poster, I’m afraid I didn’t sound sympathetic: Yes, she is going through this months-long waking-up-in-the-night phase, but dealing with it is nothing like the exhaustion of a typical night-time with a typical 12 month old. It will get better.

  105. This was around the time I started fantasizing about slipping chocolate or espresso to the easy sleepers, just so their parents could experience my hell.My son is almost 5 now, and I’m feeling much more well-adjusted. I hardly even mentally swear at well-rested new parents.
    Hang in there.

  106. Wow, this site is amazing and so are you all! I wanted to share that my older daughter woke an average of 6 times per night until at least 18 months. I now have a 10 1/2 month old who wakes to nurse usually 3 times per night. The sleep deprivation is really getting to me. But your point I think is that people’s attitudes are even worse!When she was 6 months old and people asked me if she was sleeping through the night I looked at them like they were from Mars and said, “of course not! it’s not normal for mammal babies to sleep that long!” which is a totally BS made-up factoid, akin the the made-up info they’re passing on when they act like there’s something wrong with babies who don’t sleep.
    My feeling is that if anyone’s comments are louder than my intuition, they have to be removed. I have actually stopped having conversations with certain people because of this. But I’m not tough enough to constantly overlook the understated criticism when the fact is that I really do wish there were a solution that I believed in.
    I try to keep the perspective that this has been only one year of what I hope to be my child’s VERY LONG LIFE. But I also despair every few days, thinking I can’t go on like this. I anticipate the long nights will probably last for a while longer. I also believe that, like the rest of life, there is never an easy solution or path that makes everything totally perfect and restful, even if it looks that way when you tell it as a story. So hang in there, momma! You are real!

  107. I kind of remember this…I was so sleep-deprived I thought I would die, so things are a bit fuzzy…We did pretty much the same as you – tried/abandoned CIO, bounced from crib to bed, dad on the couch. Basically whatever would let us survive. Around 12 months my son also started wanting to nurse a TON at night and I was getting so worn down. He was totally doing that thrashing/screaming thing you’re talking about and taking up to an hour to come out of the weird zone he would be in and get back to sleep. It was awful. I have no idea what was going on. Teeth, night terrors? But it was the worst.
    The only major thing we did was night wean him. Dad would be responsible for him between 12-5 am and I wouldn’t nurse him in that window. We would do our best to put him down in the crib, but he would mostly end up in bed. It was still pretty hideous, I won’t lie, but I got enough sleep on the couch to get some sanity back. He gradually became easier to soothe back to sleep, and I continued nursing during the day until 17 months. The crazy night freak outs just ended one day.
    He’s always been a crappy sleeper, but he’s an amazing kid. I got this sense back then that his little mind just wouldn’t shut off at night. It can still be hard for him to stop chattering and telling stories at bedtime, he talks in his sleep, and at 27 months typically wakes up 2-3 times but can easily be settled. The good news: he sleeps in his own bed and has stayed there, bedtime to sun-up, for the last 5 nights. Since the new baby will be here in 10 weeks, that seems just about perfect.

  108. I wish I had spent the money I spent on books about getting my kid to sleep through the night on wine instead.Here’s my story:
    My 4.5 year old didn’t sleep through the night until he was 2.5. We tried everything. Even CIO one night out of desperation. Eventually we stopped “trying” and just had him sleep with us. And we got more sleep, but not a full night’s sleep. Regarding breastfeeding? I would say that I weaned when my son was 15 months old and it didn’t get him to sleep through the night.
    I think he had night terror. And it definitely got pretty bad around the 12 month mark.
    But it will get better. It will. It truly will.
    Our little guy sleeps through the night every night. We even can laugh about it now.

  109. My child did not start sleeping through the night until 26 months. I nightweaned him at 21 months. He has been & still is a thrasher. He co-sleeps with us and some nights I can barely keep him on the bed. He sleeps on a cot at daycare by himself with no problems other than he will get up and sleepwalk which I imagine the nighttime thrashing would lead to if I let him get away! And yeah, I don’t discuss our sleep issues/situation with anyone, even our pediatrician – I outright lie about that and extended breastfeeding.

  110. Do whatever you need to do to get enough sleep for yourself and your kids. My kids slept in the bed with me until they were 3. I liked the cozy snuggling. Other people thought I was ruining their lives by sleeping with them. I don’t care. We needed sleep, that’s how we got it.Parenting is about learning to trust your own judgement about your own kids. Experts and other people may or may not have helpful things to say, and it is good to get helpful advice. But as parents we know our kids best, and we have to trust our own inner voices. This is true whether you are talking about a sleeping 12 month old or making decisions about your 15 year old learning to drive. So screw the other people who are judging you and do what is best for your family.

  111. Yeah, mine didn’t sleep through until 13 months. He wasn’t nursing either, just a hard to soothe sleeper.One day we went to IKEA and he went mental for thus bunk bed where the bottom “bunk” is actually a mattress on the floor. We figured what the hell, he’s not using his crib anyway and bought it. Did his whole big boy room and made sure everything in there was a baby safe toy or bolted down. First night, he woke up twice. Second night, he slept ELEVEN HOURS.
    He’s since become that mythical child whom you put in bed fully awake, kiss gently and leave for the night. Well, most nights.
    Of course, this is just what worked for our son. And we got a lot of looks, too, when we said we were ditching the crib so early. But you gotta do what you feel is right for your kid.

  112. My two-and-a-half-year-old now sleeps through the night 19 days out of 20. But let’s define our terms: when I say “sleeps through the night” I basically mean, “doesn’t wake me up”. He still sometimes wakes to nurse (2-3 days/week) when I’m getting ready to go to work and then goes back to sleep, but because I’m already up, I don’t count it. Occasionally, he wakes up after he’s gone to bed but before I do to nurse, and then goes back to sleep. I don’t count that either.But this was sudden, about two months ago. Before then he was waking once a night to nurse (6-6:20, like clockwork) since he was about 18 months. Before that, it was all over the map. Because of how sudden it was, it really feels to me like he was just ready then. Before he was ready, he wasn’t ready. Simple as that.

  113. My child didn’t sleep through the night, not even once, until 20 months. We had a couple of factors that may have contributed to this. He had reflux, then recurrent ear infections, plus we lived in a noisy townhouse (the next door neighbor worked second shift). All of these factors disappeared when he was 19 months, and sleeping through the night came soon afterwards. I don’t know if that was just his time, or if those factors really impacted his sleep that much. And for what it’s worth, he slept like a rock for years after that–12 hours, uninterrupted sleep. It’s something to look forward.I thought that at the post-12 months of not sleeping through the night, I felt that whatever I had to do to maximize my child’s sleep and my own sleep was the right thing to do. After all, those who said that my son ought to be sleeping through the night by now are not the ones who were getting up with him!

  114. Nursing was my saving grace. Nursing to sleep was the last one I dropped. After a point, if it worked and he went to bed I didn’t care. He nursed until he was 40 months, btw. We never co-slept, but the ups and downs during the night were/are our norm.Not sure about the night terrors. Spud had them for a little while. Sounds odd, but we’re 98% sure it was food doing it (Kraft mac and cheese specifically). Once he didn’t eat it he didn’t have terrors. Eventually we tried him again with it – like after 6-8 months – and he was fine. I think he may have just outgrown them during that time. My brother, on the other hand, had them for years as a kid so I think it’s pretty individual (though he did have behavioural issues due to food).
    I agree that you should just say, “yup, he sleeps great!” I started to tell my own parents that after a while. Quite frankly it’s not anyone else’s business.

  115. I’m out of town, with my wife and 12/13 month old who sleeps “just fine.” He wakes up a lot, I’m tired as hell, but it’s alright. It’ll eventually get better… maybe around 3? At home, I’m not as tired, but things are more routine and predictable.This week while living in a hotel we’ve decided to let the tyke “fight it out”. He struggles for an hour on this King Size bed (we’re upgrading when I get home) and mom and I block him from falling off the bed. Then out of the blue he stops, and we both carefully back away, and get ready for bed ourselves.
    It’ll get better… might get worse along the way… but I might get used to it.

  116. Coming back to add- my 21 month old who every once and awhile sleeps through the night, but only while cosleeping? She is still breastfed. And I never actually nightweaned her.(Not saying that there is anything wrong w/nightweaning- I did it for my first- just adding more data to my data point).
    My point is: every kid is different and the “right” thing to do is different for every kid. And actually, I don’t think there is one “right” thing to do in most cases- just different decisions that may or may not put you on different paths.
    It took me a long time, but with my first kid- the crappy sleeper who magically started sleeping through at 2- I eventually learned to ignore all the judgmental crap I’d hear about sleep. And also to stop worrying about her- SHE was fine. Never showed any sign of sleep deprivation. The grown ups were the ones with the problem, so we troubleshot that problem, instead.

  117. @Lydia thank goodness I’m not the only one with a kid who still needs “chest time” to sleep. Our daughter is 9 months and when she starts thrashing in the middle of the night, sometimes putting her on top of my chest (or my husband’s) is the only thing that settles her back down.My daughter doesn’t yet sleep through the night and I don’t expect her to by 12 months. But I wanted to share the tale of at least one decent pediatrician. When my friend was struggling because her 18-month old son still wasn’t sleeping through (and our coworker was urging her to just try CIO), she came to work one day and shared with me that her son’s ped had said that, in his experience, the really bright kids were often crappy sleepers.
    Not to imply that good sleepers aren’t smart, but it made my friend feel soooo much better, and I think of it often when my daughter is waking repeatedly.

  118. My 14 month-old daughter doesn’t sleep through the night – and she co-sleeps. I couldn’t manage the CIO method without feeling cruel and that I was failing my kids (which I’m sure I do in a million other ways anyway.) She WILL NOT go into a crib; although she started in a cradle beside our bed and had no issues with it. My son was the same… Our solution? We’ve bought her a bed (being delivered today) and will start the slow shift from our bed to hers – and work on night weaning as well.We did the same with our son (4) and it worked well. He sleeps well, through the night, and has very few issues about going to bed. That said, they’re all different and I know of so-called ‘good sleepers’ who STARTED co-sleeping at 3 and scream for hours before actually going to sleep – and I know that because I can hear him next door…
    As hard as it may seem now, and as tired as you are, it’ll all change soon enough. Do your best (and whatever works best for you so you can all get some sleep) and, although it’s hard, stop listening to ‘them’ as they’re not in your shoes…

  119. My almost-4-year-old STILL usually doesn’t sleep through the night*. He’ll have periods of better sleep, where he might sleep through for a few days in a row, and then he’ll have periods of worse sleep, where I have to go in at least 2-3 times a night. He’s just a crappy sleeper; always has been. And I’ll tell people that, lightly – I don’t go into detail, because then you get the judgy-ness and the suggestions. I just say, when people ask why I’m tired, “Oh, J’s a crappy sleeper. He’ll outgrow it eventually.” and then the conversation usually moves on.*And I’m not talking about any of the baby books “5 hours is ‘sleeping through the night'” bullshit. I’m talking “I am not awakened by my child even once.”

  120. Wow! I’m “J”. Thanks so much everyone for the responses. I love this site…I’ve poured through the posts (especially those on sleep, of course) many a night while breastfeeding and rocking my son to sleep. It’s so wonderful how everyone is very non-judgey…I really appreciate that. To clarify a few things and answer questions from some of the responders…no, I don’t drink any alcohol while bf’ing, so that’s not a factor. My son naps inconsistently, just like he sleeps…but he seems to want to follow a 2-3-4 schedule, and averages about 2-3 hours total over 2 naps during the day at daycare. We have a consistent bedtime routine…but actual bedtime varies. I try to read his “tired” cues, and avoid putting him to bed overtired…I joke that I have to get him down within the “magic window”, or else it’s battle time for both of us. I’ve been told by various people that my bedtime is too late or too early, though, depending on the “wise” person I’m talking to. And of course, naps are about to change…when he moves up into the one year old room at daycare, they do one group nap mid day, and it’ll be an entirely different schedule.I’ve been trying to wean during the day only because I’m soooo tired of pumping 2 x’s daily at work…and my pedi gave me the thumbs up at 11.5 months to filter in cow’s milk. But I had definitely considered that the transition to cows milk might result in some reverse cycling and might be contributing the the night nursing. I don’t mind continuing to breastfeed at night…but it’s the frequent restlessness that’s bothersome. I wouldn’t be heartbroken about night weaning though, especially since biting has also been a recent issue…we had one bad incident that broke the skin and sent me to the doc for antibiotics, but pushed through it.
    As for CIO…I made a few half hearted attempts in the past, trying various modifications…leaving the room, sitting by the bed, shushing, patting, etc…everything seemed to fail, and he just screamed to the point of hysteria. It felt wrong, and I thought that if it felt wrong, it was probably wrong for my son…who, after reading lots of Moxie’s sleep posts, I have diagnosed as a “tension increaser.” That said, he’s a lot older now, and I maybe should try it again…especially being that he’s able to fall asleep independently at daycare. But no, we’re not having any major family changes or events right now. I have no doubt that our sleep has been screwed by various health issues though…the babe has suffered 3 ear infections in a month, plus teething and learning to walk.
    I just felt so incompetent because we had this beautiful “honeymoon” period from about 2-4 months in which he actually slept through the night…then it all changed when I returned to work, and the dynamic is always constantly changing. And I find that an incredibly hard aspect of this whole parenting gig is dealing with the masses of unsolicited, judgmental advice from others…and it seems that nothing brings on more judgment than choices related to sleep. I got some horrified responses when admitting to resorting to co-sleeping at first, too. Ugh.
    Thanks again, everyone…I am truly grateful for the kind words! And I got some good ideas from the posts above. i know this will all work out in the end!

  121. My son definitely didn’t sleep through the night at 12 months. He is almost 3 and still usually wanders into our bed around 3 or 4 am. I just stopped nursing altogether (he was still nursing to sleep at naptime and nighttime and sometimes at that 3 or 4am time). I thought it would be a nightmare to quit those minimal but seemingly vital (to him sleeping) nursing sessions, but it was ridiculously easy! And although he does wander into our bed in the wee hours, I consider him basically sleeping throught he night at this point.But anyway, back around 12 months I was also all stressed about the sleeping thing. But I kinda just got over worrying about it (thanks to this site) and it all worked out eventually. Also, people stop asking about how your kid sleeps after a year or so, since everyone assumes they all STTN at that point. I just let everyone assume that and enjoyed not having too discuss it anymore!
    No clue on the night terrors though- that sounds rough. Hope you get some help from other commenters 🙂
    Anyway, I guess my main message is to try not to sweat it if you’re basically ok with how you all sleep, and to have faith that he will sleep better and will be able to wean- whenever you are both ready! Good luck 🙂

  122. None of my three children slept through the night on a regular basis until 2 years and 9 months. Things that helped in the meantime: changing up the bedtime routine to nursing first, then brushing teeth, then reading stories, then having me or my husband read stories and then snuggling to sleep rather than nursing to sleep; putting blackout blinds on the windows; talking during the day about what the routine would be at night — the mum-mums/nursies/milkies etc. needed to sleep at night and would be available again when the sun came up. When my child was ready it helped to turn over night duty to my husband, but again, that usually did not take place until at least 2.75 years of age.I think the others who say their children sleep through the night are a combination of (1) liars, (2) people who let their children CIO and whose kids still wake occasionally in spite of that and, frankly, whose kids have other problems because of the CIO (acting out, trouble adjusting to school, food issues because the kids control the one thing they can control), (3) people whose kids who took pacifiers and still use them and will need to be broken of that habit later (not that that’s such a bad thing — but my kids never would take a pacifier). It’s certainly not popular to say so, but I am very serious when I say that I believe that there are unrecognized short-term and long-term consequences to CIO. That said, I don’t think sleep deprivation for mothers is the answer either. I don’t have all the answers but I knew, for me, which was the lesser of two evils.

  123. Hand up here too. When my son was 12 months old, I was also not totally convincing myself when I told myself and my husband that I wouldn’t be breastfeeding and co-sleeping forever.Over time he’s gotten more consistent about staying asleep except when he’s thirsty, and getting right back to sleep after dealing with it. He started sleeping in his own bed more around 28 months, I nightweaned when he was… 32 months I think? and then weaned fully (not as child-led as I was hoping for) when it got excruciating when I got pregnant with #2 when he was 3 1/4. Nightweaning just meant he started asking for water if pleading to nurse didn’t work, and I started getting a bit more sleep. He’s still in our bed for at least part of the night most nights, but it’s easier and as I look back at the last 3.5 years the progress is obvious and I’m no longer worried it will go on forever so it’s easier to let it go.
    I do want to have him almost exclusively in his own bed by the time his younger sibling’s born, right around his fourth birthday. But he wakes up less if he’s sleeping next to one or both of us, so the co-sleeping (which I was really not planning on doing while pregnant the first time) has helped with the sleeping through the night, at least for us.
    Please don’t beat yourself up, J. Over time people will stop asking about sleep so much and I’ve found I don’t even have to lie and deflect anymore. The only person who was annoyingly snoopy about it after 18 months or so was my mother-in-law, who would ask my son if he’d slept in his own bed, but since he’s not interested in answering those questions and we don’t answer for him she dropped it a year or so ago.

  124. Older DS didn’t sleep through the night or go to sleep without a lot of help until he was 15 months old and we switched him to a toddler bed. I was rocking him to sleep and then trying to put him into the crib on his stomach (he wouldn’t sleep on his back but couldn’t/wouldn’t roll himself over while he was sleeping) – I’m not that tall so trying to reach the bottom of crib without waking him up was nearly impossible. CIO didn’t work for him – he a tension increaser and would just make himself sick. He ended up in our bed more often than not.When we switched to the toddler bed, we had a few nights of him getting out of bed repeatedly and eventually falling asleep on the floor – after that I guess he just decided it made more sense to stay in his bed. But even now at 3.5, he still needs a pretty long, consistent routine and extra comforting to go to sleep.
    On the other hand, our 18 month old DS has been sleeping through the night for quite a while (I really don’t remember exactly, and we have the occasionaly quick wake up) and would rather be put in bed awake/alone then be rocked to sleep.
    All this to say – who knows – we didn’t intentionally do anything different the second time round, just different kid so different sleep. Its definately nothing you’ve done thats causing him not to sleep.

  125. Wow, @Angela – wasn’t going to comment on this thread, but I can tell you that DD has been sleeping through the night since she was 8 weeks old. She doesn’t take a pacifier. We haven’t had to use CIO. She’s now 7 months. I’m not a liar. The only thing I can say is that we didn’t do anything differently between her and my son (who woke up every 45 min – 1.5 hour until he was 5 months old). It was apparent that she was a sleeper her first day at the hospital and kids are the way they are.PS. We did do CIO for my son. It worked for us and for my son. No ‘consequences’ so far except for lots of lovely sleep.

  126. Just wanted to add that I know we are extremely lucky with DD and it wasn’t a result of our ‘good’ parenting. We do call her our unicorn baby. But being called a liar is a little hard to swallow.

  127. I’ve read none of the comments but just want to say that my DD (now a champion sleeper) was wakeful as a toddler and I too thought this was defective somehow. She was wakeful when teething and my husband thought she just got used to having company she could summon if she woke up. If you think teething could be an issue at all…what worked for us during it was to have a bedtime dose of Tylenol. It helped keep her from crying if she ever did keep waking up. We only had one night waking per night though, and no night terrors. I have no advice on NT.Wishing you some helpful ideas from commenters up and down stream.

  128. My 12 month does not sleep through the night either. Sometimes she only wakes once and I am very satisfied with this. She is always nursed down or rocked to sleep and again I have no prob with this either. Some of my friends are sleep training their 10 week olds (CIO) – I am very curious as to whether this will work. It seems standard for a lot of people. I was not able to do it and felt my baby would not understand – but do they understand anything at that age?Oh and I change the subject when I am asked about food and sleep as my child has her own ideas about that – just fruit, bread and yoghurt and not always. I was so sick of people telling me to give my darling banana or carrot. like duh…
    It does sound very stressful so maybe there are underlying issues. Be strong and it will not be like this for ever.

  129. J writes: Hi! My 12 month old son doesn’t sleep through the night, which seems to ludicrous to other people. I dread it when anyone asks me how he is doing in this area, because then I get an incredulous…

  130. J, our babies share very similar sleep terribleness. My girl is almost 13 months old, and continues to wake up a minimum of 3 times per night. She also had the weird night terrors that you describe where she wakes up, screams bloody murder and seemingly doen’t recognize me.We tried EVERYTHING. I’ve read so much on baby sleep, I’ve tired CIO, I tired homeopathy, I even hired a sleep consultant. The only thing that I’ve learned is that baby sleep books are full of crap, a baby who does not want to sleep can not be forced to sleep, multiple night wakings are normal, so are 20 min naps, and that poor infant sleep habits will in no way affect sleep later in life. And most important of all, HOW YOUR BABY SLEEPS IS NO REFLECTION ON YOUR PARENTING SKILLS.
    That being said, here are a few things that helped improve our sleep a bit (my daughter used to wake up 8, 10, or 12 times per night and not nap):
    Night terrors – caused by being over tired. For a period of about 2 weeks, I watched vigilantly for signs of tiredness and put my baby for a nap as soon as I saw a hand move towards an ear. She took frequent naps for 2 weeks, then night terrors stopped, and she graduated to a 2 nap schedule
    Early bedtimes – helped get to sleep with minimum fuss. We started with a 6;30 bedtime, and now settled at around 7 or 7;30
    Trashing around – we were co-sleeping up till about 11 months. Then, I noticed that my daughter slept better in her crib. I moved a bed in her room for me, because I’m not trekking down the halls 4 times per night thankyouverymuch. Not ideal, but working.
    Nap times – I’m vigilant about keeping nap times consistant (and i’m totally NOT a schedule mum). A missed nap spells a horror show of a night. So we always nap at home, in a dark room, phone OFF.
    Hang in there. You’re not doing it wrong. Sleep issues are hard. And the culture will have you believe that babies should be sleeping the whole night through from six weeks. This is absolut crap. Your baby will sleep when your baby is ready to sleep. And you continue to do what gets you the most z’s.

  131. 4.5-yr-old twins here, neither of whom were sleeping through at 12 months. After the 13-month-ish sleep shakeup (I hate the term “regression” here) we nightweaned with the goal of getting them to go from bedtime to 6 AM without nursing. Succeeded for Daughter, but Son really clung to that 4 AM nursing for a long long time and I rolled with it because we got more sleep that way than by fighting it.About a month after nightweaning we did a modified check & console for Daughter’s night wakings (which were infrequent) by putting her in a pack-n-play in OUR bedroom if we couldn’t resettle her in her crib a minute or two into a night waking. We did this because at around nine months old it became obvious that she was a “tension releaser” for naps (sometimes), so it seemed like a little crying would actually help her out.
    Tried the same with Son shortly thereafter. Unmitigated disaster after one night. Took us three weeks to regain his trust enough to put him into his crib awake at bedtime and leave the room.
    By 15-ish months Daughter was sleeping through most (not all) nights. Son was not doing this consistently until 21 or 22 months old, and even then I think it was mainly about him being able to find his missing pacifier on his own.
    Since then, we’ve have pretty solid sleep. There was a phase around 2.5 yrs when Daughter woke up around 2 AM almost every night needing to pee (but never making it to the bathroom before she soaked her diaper), which we indulged b/c we wanted to encourage awareness of body signals. Each kid has had their share of nightmare phases, bedtime delay tactics, whatever…but, really, it’s been pretty solid, and besides that one loss-of-trust incident with Son, we have not had the sort of bedtime battles that a lot of other preschool parents complain about.

  132. Me me me! This was my son, our life. SO hard! Someone (very wisely) told me, when I confided in her when my son was around 10 months old, I think) that anyone who makes a big deal out of other people’s babies sleeping through the night are only trying to overcompensate for their own insecurities about their child’s sleep. (Come to think of it, that makes sense in a lot of contexts…) And while we weren’t cosleeping with him at this time, but there were spells when we were nursing more or less constantly at night.What I know is this: We kept thinking we would just buckle down and gut through a week of CIO. But life is busy, and we just never had a convenient time to get even LESS sleep at night. So I nursed, we woke up a lot, and eventually, the dude figured it out and just magically started sleeping better. Happy days, those were.
    What I can also say, though, is that every baby is incredibly different and it has NOTHING to do with you! My daughter came along 4 years later and is basically the baby I used to hate to hear about. I’m sure we’ll pay for it in some other miserable fashion…

  133. Delurking to say my son didn’t sleep through until 15 mos! Starting at 4mos he would sleep in his crib until 10-11pm, then come to bed with us. Cosleeping was the ONLY way for me to get enough sleep, because in the crib he would wake up every 2 hours. He gradually dropped night nursings. Around 12 mos he was down to nursing only at 5am (then sleeping another 90-120 min), but he still woke up at 11pm every night to insist it was time to come to our bed. Around 14 mos we decided we were done with cosleeping (he suddenly became restless), and we did let him cry a bit then. It took about a week before he stopped waking at 11pm, although I don’t think he ever cried for more than 10 min before going back to sleep, and it was never intense crying. We would also soothe him with words, but not picking up. The 5am nursing pushed back to wake-up on its own, although wake-up also moved earlier…

  134. My 13 month old has never once STTN. Last night was the closest we came. Down at 8, woke at 9 and 10…and then slept till 6am. He skipped his night feeding for the first time ever also. But I won’t expect it to happen again any time soon…..We co-slept until around 9 months when I finally tried relented to CIO because he was waking every hour and wouldn’t go back to sleep without laying on my chest. My husband and I were sleep deprived and we were all pretty much miserable. I HATED it. But it worked at the time for what I needed, which was for him to be able to sleep for a few hours alone in his crib in the evenings and to get some longer(ish) stretches at night. (I have always gone to him at his first waking which is around midnight and slept after that on a queen mattress we have on the floor in his nursery.)
    Around 12 months he decided he HATED the crib at all costs and I didn’t want to CIO again. He now goes to bed fairly peacefully on his floor mattress while I lay with him. I leave the monitor on and the room is totally childproofed so I feel okay when I leave him there in the evenings.
    He then wakes anywhere from once to five or six times at night (depending on teething, etc).
    I’ve given up wondering. And the rare nights of good sleep make me think this could really get better eventually. And then there’s all these other comments that let me know we are totally normal.
    Oh, and he does the kicking thrashing thing too. I now just don’t even attempt comfort other than saying “It’s OK” unless he reaches out for me. He’ll usually cry for a minute or so then just lay back down and go to sleep. I think it’s just because he’s really half asleep….

  135. ugh – so sorry about the current frustrations. you are soooo not alone. hopefully all these fine folks’ comments here will prove it to you.what you describe is exactly what we went through with my son. he was never a sleeper, and there always seemed to be a “reason” for him not getting through the night. colic, early teething, early on the developmental “milestones”, driven, frustrated, a “tension increaser” (read up on this here at moxie if you haven’t), had night mares and night terrors, and on and on.
    honestly, nothing seemed to work or not work. i nursed at night multiple times until it got to be too ridiculous (like more than once an hour) for at least a year because that was our “only way” just like you’re saying it’s your “crutch”. honey, it’s not a crutch – it’s comfort! for everyone!
    but when i was going insane and feeling like i was doing more harm than good with the nursings, i picked up the book “the no cry sleep solution”. while the ideas are solid, there unfortunately ended up being a LOT of crying. i would stand at his crib when he woke and hug him while he was standing up on the other side of the bars. and then try to be further and further away while “soothing” him. it was heartbreaking. i don’t know if it helped, but at least i wasn’t nursing all night. i would set a limit and then try to stick to it. so hard.
    but after months of working on it on and off, he started to be ok with falling asleep in his bed for at least a few hours and then coming into our bed to cosleep. when he could communicate with us around 18 months is when things got a lot better. at least i knew (sometimes) what he wanted.
    next piece of advice: don’t talk about your situation with people who you know are not going to be supportive and empathetic. you don’t even need advice on what to do, you just need people to listen. you are doing a fantastic job with your babe! you’re responding to his needs, going with your instincts, and getting as much sleep as you can for yourself and your baby. people who give you that stare are either lying about their situation, are parenting in a different way (i.e. CIO), or have one of those mythical babies that actually does sleep.
    the fidgeting thing is interesting. my son would do this, too. i think, like me, he has very sensitive skin. so (i’m sure you’ve done this, but it might bear repeating) make sure all tags are gone from his pjs and blankies, that they are made of cotton (organic?) and washed in pure soap (charlie’s is a great brand), and that he’s neither too hot nor too cold. some nights footed pjs saved the night, and some nights it was the weight of two blankets on him, but not on his feet. take a stab at it!
    and lastly, take a deep breath. my son is almost 3 now, and he still wakes once a night to come into bed with us. (i hope that didn’t bum you out!) he no longer night nurses, which we discussed about 6 months ago and he was surprisingly ok with. i am thinking about getting him a bigger bed that he can get in and out of so that if he wants to come see us, that i might not even have to wake! all that’s to say, they are only little for a little while. and i know the nights drag, but it’s just for a surprisingly short while.
    big hugs to you and your family!

  136. I haven’t read the comments, but did want to represent as another parent who thinks the claims of babies sleeping through the night at 12 months is ludicrous. IMNSHO, people who say this are a) lying, b) sleepwalking, c) in denial, or d) need new batteries in the baby monitor. Hang in there, and don’t worry, he will sleep through the night eventually!Probably other commenters have suggested it, but if I were you, when I got asked That Question, I would smile sweetly and say “Oh we’re doing just fine thank you!”

  137. My 3-year-old definitely wasn’t sleeping through at 12 months. There was way too much teething going on to even push it. My 9-month-old has slept through one time. It was a freak incident. She’s working on her molars so I don’t expect sleep anytime soon. The one upside to her being an early teether (if it keeps up at this pace) is that hopefully she’ll be totally done teething by 18 months and will start sleeping.Keep trying different things to find the best solution for you. Sleep is hard and there’s rarely a quick easy answer. Good luck!

  138. I have not read all the comments but will be. To add my data points, my almost 6 yr old sleeps fine now – for him. He wakes up now and then, reads, goes back to sleep.He slept through the night after turning 3. We tried everything. Cosleeping was the only way to get sleep at all.
    He would wake up having tantrums, mad at dreams I think. But had relatively few awake.
    My 5 month old is completely different. Same parents, etc. I think it is very individual.

  139. I remember when my twins were a few months old, thinking “oh well, a year from now, they’ll definitely be sleeping through the night”. What is it about the 1 year mark that makes us think babies will be sleeping through? In our case it was definitely a low point in terms of sleep- very all over the place as you describe, and still nursing, and I was exhausted and lied about sleep to all but my close friends. My MIL who was visiting and couldn’t help notice the wake-ups was pretty incredulous and unhelpful. We did try some low-level approaches to improving sleep, around 14 months.. can’t remember the details, but the bottom line is night weaning (~18 months) helped for one boy but not for the other- it’s not a magic bullet. Good luck!

  140. My first one didn’t sleep through the night until he was about 3. Number 2 however is now 12 months. He was waking up every hour and a half at night wanting to nurse and I thought I was going to lose my mind. I thought it would pass in a few weeks, but after a month and a half or so, we had to try something else. My husband took over for a couple of nights, consoling him, offering a bottle to him. He’s now sleeping through or only waking up once or so. I hate to even write this, because it’s probably not going to last. I can’t believe the change however. Might be worth a try?

  141. I haven’t read a single comment because I’m too tired and have a big presentation early in the morning, and I KNOW that my 17 month old WILL NOT SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT tonight so I better hit the sack. So I guess I’m saying I’m in the crowd of non-sleeping-through-the-night 12 month olds, and then some.I will say though that my first certainly did sleep through the night at an early age (2 months) and I’m not a liar – she really did. She had some regressions here and there but generally by 12 months she was a champ. So it is possible. But oh so unfortunately rare. I can’t even express how happy I am that my first was such an awesome sleeper or she may have been an only child.

  142. Yeah, my 17 month old is frequently a rubbish sleeper. I’m constantly trying to second guess the “too hot, too cold” sleeping conditions… Anyway our coping technique at the moment is co-sleeping from the first or second wake up. Last weekend my husband convinced me to try getting her to go to sleep without being rocked & just patting her (as they do at daycare). After a trying for 1 nap and 2 bedtimes, for a combined total of 3 and a half hours of sitting next to her cot – I came out and told him screw this, rocking works and we should probably just be grateful that she frequently sleeps past 8am (in our bed) and quit trying to ‘fix’ it.And yeah, in another data point – my MIL had 6 kids and apart from the fact her first must have been a great baby (there is just 14 months btwn him & my husband) – she now seems to need ~ 6 hours sleep a night. I maintain this is because she must have lost the ability to sleep more!

  143. No advice, as in my case it is too long ago.BUT
    All those people ….. the incredulous ones.
    They are the same people who categorically state that it only takes them, say 20 minutes to travel in peak hour from their home to the centre of the city, when we all know that it is at least a 40 minute trip and that is on a Sunday morning at 3:00am with a tail wind blowing.
    And they are the same people who can never, ever understand why anyone else ever has trouble with anything at all, because in their perfectly organised, perfectly functioning, shiny, smooth life nothing is ever difficult, not ever at all.
    And … they are all a bunch of complete fibbers , or else completely self-deluded.
    So there.
    And all that has made me remember. The very first time that my daughter ever slept all night was at 8 months old, the night after she received a vaccination. And after that single instance, she went back to not sleeping and I remember wondering how bad a mother it would make me if took her back for an occasional unwarranted vaccination, just so I could get a night’s sleep.

  144. i had night terrors as a child until age 13. (and then again the first week postpartum. good times.) hallucinations, crazy behavior, the works — night terrors are not the same as nightmares. what changed at 13? my mother gave into my frivolous desire for a feather bed. it turns out what was messing up my sleep (and therefore hers) was that i was getting cold in the night. that kicked up the neurological problem of the night terrors. it’s worth looking for any physical stimulus that could be contributing. (if you haven’t! but you probably have! but just in case, since a lot of people think night terrors are just bad nightmares.)if the night terrors happen at a predictable time of night, it also sometimes works to disturb the sleep 20 minutes ahead of the expected terror. night terrors are associated with a particular stage of sleep. you don’t have to wake the kid all the way up, just break the sleep cycle.
    as someone who remembers what it was like to be having that problem and recently relived the horror, i encourage you to keep being compassionate about it. it’s a truly terrible thing to have your brain do to you.

  145. DD is 3.5 ( nearly) and it’s better than it was but sleeping through she doesn’t. I remember being so tired that I went to see the doctor when DD was 12 months and explained she woke every ninety minutes at night. I breast-fed at those points and she went back to sleep.Anyhow at 16.5 months the breastfeeding stopped as demand ended abruptly and DD still woke up and now could not be soothed back to sleep. Presently it’s only three times a night that she wakes. Night terrors sort of went after 18 months but bad dreams set in. Thing is I find you do get used to it and we function fine now.
    And nobody asks about sleep anymore. But at 12 months the most surreal experience I had was being told by one mother from ante-natal times that her son now slept Fine. He had been Knocked Into Line. Straight through at 1 year.
    What was surreal was that this woman looked appalling with her face haggard and her eyes swollen from lack of sleep. Zombie walking.
    Why she needed to tell me that she was so successful at the sleeping thing I’ll never know.

  146. My son didn’t sleep consistently through the night until he was 4. Yeah, I said 4. At that point, the Sleep Lady techniques worked well for him. He was also a restless sleeper and still talks in his sleep quite a bit.I stopped talking about his sleep issues around a year (even to my pediatrician). Unless I was willing to do a sleep study (which I toyed with now and then), it seemed like time was the only thing that would really help.
    The poster doesn’t say much else about her son’s personality, but my son’s sleep issues were very much tied to the other parts of his brain development. He had extreme sensitivity to noise, light, sound as a baby. He wouldn’t tolerate any “mechanical mamas” or being held by anyone other than me. I wore him a *ton* when he was little.
    My suggestion would be to do what works and forget about anyone else’s opinions. If co-sleeping has ceased to work (which is also what happened to us), she should explore other options. There are alternatives to CIO. I felt like the Sleep Lady was an acceptable alternative, because I stayed in the room with him until he fell asleep (but he had to stay in his crib). He was never crying alone in a room.
    We did a lot of talking about and visualizing his body and brain relaxing. I would tell him a long story very slowly in a soft voice. I started dimming the lights 30 minutes before bedtime. I stopped any TV use an hour before bed. Physical exercise was always key. All of these techniques helped him a bit and also helped my mental state.
    But the best solution was really just time.
    (By the way, my DD, who’s 3 years younger than my son, didn’t sleep through the night until she was 2.)

  147. I’ll add to the just say, “they sleep just fine”… it’s like when you got pregnant in the first place and strangers ask if it was planned…. really this is none of your business, neither is their sleep…. our family works how it works, night time and all!!!

  148. My son is 9.5 months old, we co-sleep and breastfeed, and he wakes every 1-2 hours right now.I don’t expect him to sleep through at 12 months. I’m just holding out for ONE four-hour stretch during adult sleeping hours (i.e., not freaking 6pm-10pm). That would be heaven.

  149. My son (now 3 1/2, which is a whole other story) didn’t sleep through the night until he was 2. About a day after his birthday, something clicked in his brain and he slept. It was nothing we did. Until then we had to endure people telling us to just let him cry it out at night. To which I wanted to say (and probably should have) “I’ll see you at our house at 8 so that you can sit and listen to him cry while I go out to a movie.” The few times we tried it, he would only escalate and cry for hours (until I just couldn’t take it anymore–clearly no one was benefiting). To this day he still wants us nearby when he goes to sleep, though otherwise he is a happy, outgoing, funny, adventurous little kid. I really believe that he needed all that close-to-momma time, that it allowed him to feel safe during the day. So in short, do what works for you, what gets all of you the most sleep. And ignore those who just don’t know.And we had/have the night terrors, too. I just heard a good definition of night terrors vs. night mares. Who is more upset after them? If you are, it’s terrors. If the child is, it’s mares.

  150. Late to the game, but it can’t hurt to hear of yet another wee one that didn’t sleep through at 12 months!So, yes, we are in the not-sleeping-through-at-12-mos camp. Of course, he didn’t sleep through at 18 mos either. We hit all of the regressions by the book. Now at 3 he mostly sleeps through, with occasional wake-ups for reasons that elude me. When he does wake up, I do BF him back down. And it does not cause him to start waking up every night again.
    ITA with others who’ve commented that sleep is not a linear thing. There are ups and downs, like almost everything. I finally got the courage at about 23 months to try modified CIO sleep training and it worked for my tension-increaser. He only cried for 5 mins at most and it worked in about 3 nights. Well, it worked for a while until it didn’t. Back into night wakings.
    Honestly, the thing that helped me feel the best about our sleep situation (and finding the courage to try different things, when the time was right) was finding someone else (on line or IRL) with a kid who had very similar habits. A HUGE support, from someone who really gets it. Also, when the sleep training worked the first time, I really felt it confirmed what my gut was telling me: DS wasn’t ready before that point. After this I found I got much more confident in knowing when to wait to try something new and when to go for it.
    As for dealing with others’ questions, I love the response from (I think?) @mom2boy: treat it like the question ‘how are you?’ I think for the most part (especially when it’s people you don’t really know or care to know) it’s not worth the effort of doing anything other than telling them what they want to hear. I’d probably make more of an effort to dispel myths with friends or family. But that depends on how much sleep I got the night before and how open they are to another POV.
    Hang in there! It will change. And until then, do what you need to do to get the sleep *you* need.

  151. “Those people you know, they’re a bunch of liars.”Yeah. If Moxie hadn’t said it, I would have been sure to. It’s amazing how this drive for perfection breaks the spirits UNNECESSARILY of new moms. I am so fortunate to work with women who are honest about their experiences since my social group isn’t always.
    My son is 4.5 and still doesn’t always sleep through the night. He’s simply restless. It has become much better within the past year, but sometimes I still have to lay down with him to get him settled. I overheard him telling my mom that “that’s just the way my body is, so it’s okay, Grammy.” Guess he’s listening more closely to what I say than I thought!
    You are doing an awesome job, Mama! Take this one night at a time and a solution will present itself.

  152. There is an abundance of comments, but I’ll throw my two cents in anyway. I have year-old boy-girl twins. Both have the same bedtime and naptime routine and schedule. Both have had the same “training” of being put to bed awake and learnign to sleep on their own since almost birth–they are twins and I can’t nurse/rock them both to sleep!But–my daugher sleeps like a champion, and has for several months. Usually never up at night, goes down easier to sleep, and takes longer naps. My son … He’s still a night waker, up to 3 times a night. He will not nap longer than an hour. So, you know–kids will do what they are going to do, sometimes regardless of what training, structure, or opportunity you provide them.

  153. My DD is now 15mo and still doesn’t STTN. I did sleep train for the beginning of the night because I was tired of 1.5-2hr. BT battles every night. One thing that I can recommend that has cut down on the NW’s is an early BT. At 12mo, I tried to have her asleep by 3.5-3.75 hours from the end of her last nap. When you miss their sleep “window” and they get OT, it just makes everything that much harder. There are SO many things going on developmentally at this age that can disrupt sleep. I just try really hard to control the things I can control, and giving her opportunities for sleep at age-appropriate intervals. I nearly had a nervous breakdown when DD was between 5.5-7 months because I was convinced that IT WAS ALL MY FAULT that she wasn’t an easy sleeper. I’ve finally lightened up on myself because otherwise it is just too crazy-making. For your own sanity, you might consider putting LO in the crib and letting DH attend to the NW’s. My DH handles all NW’s before 4am and it has really helped me. GL!

  154. We went through something similar with my daughter who is now 5 years old, always feeling like there was something we were doing wrong because everyone else’s children were sleeping just fine all night long. We tried our own version of CIO, and Ferber’s suggestions (by “our own version” I mean we adjusted it to what felt comfortable for our family), which worked after a couple of nights, only to go back to waking up after a while. All she wanted was to breastfeed and go back to sleep. The only person I should have listened to was my ob-gyn who said “give it a year”. I wish had! Instead I worried but then, a few weeks after her 1st birthday, over the course of a week, she started waking up for her middle-of-the-night breastfeeding later, closer to the morning, until she gave it up completely. Just like that! Of course there have been different phases since, but my point is: children will do it when they are ready for it. And I am always skeptical of people who proudly claim that they “trained” their babies early on – I think they just got lucky that it happened when their babies were ready to make the sleep transition. Hang in there!! it will pass, you are doing nothing wrong, and there is nothing wrong with your baby either! And I totally agree with Moxie’s theory of the 2 types of kids: those who release tension by crying, and those who increase it. So what works for some will not work for others depending on the kid.

  155. My near 2-year old daughter has slept through for a total of about 15 times in her life. Seriously. We just took her nighttime bottle away. An actual bottle at 22 months. As for the no sleeping- I’m so sorry. I can totally relate because my son acted the same way. Sleeping was a total hassle. We had a respite from about 15 months to 24 months but then all hell broke loose because he started climbing out of his crib. I swore I wouldn’t try to potty train him or move him from the crib until my daughter was born and he got used to her but the joke was on me. From about 7 to 10 months pregnant, I was sleeping on the floor next to him because it was better than not sleeping. I work full time and sleep is precious. For my son all the moving around is a bit of anxiety and overtiredness. Maybe your son is experiencing the same? Ps- cruches are awesome because they help us. Long live my daughter’s pacifier.

  156. J-about your not wanted to pump anymore at work: you can stop pumping (cut one session for one week then drop the 2nd) and not actually wean your baby during the day.I work full time and I quit pumping completely when my daughter was 11 months. Since then, I still nursed pretty much on demand evenings, nights, mornings and on the weekends. My boobs totally adjusted and I don’t have any issue with engorgement. My daughter is over 2 yrs old now and this still works for me.

  157. I’m going through this right now. My son turned one last Wednesday and we have a lot going on: back to work for me, starting daycare for him, and weaning.He started out a great sleeper, but it deteriorated at about 4 months and just kept getting worse. He’s always been in a crib, and every time I’ve tried to cosleep, even for a nap, he’s annoyed by it. I tried a few times to change things up to see if it would work, but in the end I think I was just making it worse. Then he started fighting me every time I was trying to comfort him. Queue agitation and anxiety.
    I looked around and decided that we’d do CIO. I felt strong enough and confident enough that it would work, and my husband was on board. The first night he cried for 4.5 hours before we gave in. I was a *#$ mess. The next night he cried for 3 hours before I begged my husband to go in. By this point my poor son was terrified of his crib and clingy as all get out. I felt/feel awful about this episode. Serious, serious guilt.
    We waited a few nights to try and recuperate (gave him whatever he wanted, got him to not flinch in terror from the crib, gave him the boob again, etc.).
    Last night we started a modified CIO, with me sitting by his crib and reassuring him every few minutes. He cried for 20 minutes and then went to sleep. Phew. I woke him up close to 11 and gave him a big dream feed of formula and put him back… no crying. He woke up at 5:40 and there were a few tears as the plan I’m on says not to take him out of the crib until 6am.
    I’m now clinging to this plan and hoping for the best. So far I’m cautiously optimistic.

  158. @J – I stopped pumping when my DD1 was 9 mos. I am not a good pumper – I would only ever get 4+ oz (total, both sides together) when I woke up at 2 am to pump! So my daytime pumping (~3 oz at the end of the day) was just adding some BM to her formula at daycare. We continued to nurse at morning and evening until she decided to stop (which was exactly when I got pregnant…). There is no reason that you can’t bottle feed and nurse. DD2 is 9 mos and I (currently unemployed) am ready to give up the afternoon nursings! To be able to not stop in the middle of a task… a girl can dream, right?I can’t help very much with the sleep – I was very lucky to get two good sleepers… DD1 slept through (7 hours) from 2 mos and DD2 slept through from 2.5-4 mos… then regressed… then started sleeping through again at 6ish mos. The only way I got her sleeping through again was to listen to my instinct to just leave her alone – she wasn’t fussy, just making noises. So I just let her coo and went back to sleep. And eventually, she did too. (Fingers crossed for the upcoming regression…)
    I guess – just follow your instincts… you really are the best mom for your kid!

  159. My almost 3 yr old has slept thru the night maybe 6 times total. 5 of those times he was sick. It has taken a long while, but I now accept that this is what Nature has dealt me. Knowing others in similar straights helps a ton; strength and comfort in numbers!

  160. Without trying to sound like I am competing in the pain olympics or anything, our first baby girl was a trial by fire in many ways, but the first and largest of her babyhood was SLEEP- as in, she didn’t. Looking back on it, I don’t think that she slept very well until she was three. What sleep we had was hard won and only won through battles and cosleeping. She also had colic, and I had a bona-fide hatred of the term “good baby”- since what everybody described as “good baby” traits were traits my kid didn’t have, I got all upset and figured they were calling my kid a “bad baby” by default- there is NO SUCH THING! Grrr. End rant.Our second daughter is just now 12 months old and well, duh, she is different. She eats differently, doesn’t jump through the milestone hoops months before she is supposed to (she meets them fine, her sister was just early. Makes my perception of “normal” different) And she sleeps, sort of. We started a modified cry-it-out about three weeks ago, where she spends the first part of her night time in her bed, even falling asleep there for the most part. But! She, is DIFFERENT- this blog is where I first found the term for my older daughter- tension increaser- and my second baby girl ISN’T one of those. Her “cries” when she is going to sleep, with one of her parents standing by the crib, are more just low moaning or complaining, not the ear splitting, screaming, vomiting cries that her sister had.
    I am not telling you to try cry it out if that is not what you are comfortable with- instinct alone told me that with my first one, it wasn’t going to happen. Maybe I am just trying to say that yeah, you aren’t alone. Even my “good sleeper” still wakes up at 3am every day and comes to our bed. Recently I went back to my old workplace for a baby shower of a coworker. All of the women that sat at my table- about 6 of us- had babies that were roughly the same age, a couple of first time moms, a couple that had two and one lady that had four! When the honoree of the shower opened her bedding set, we all admired how pretty the bedding was, then compared notes- none of our 6 babies had spent that much time in their cribs at all, all of them were sleeping with their mamas and dads.

  161. I have 3 kids. My older two did not sleep through the night by 12 months. My third is on track to be night waking/nursing at 12 months. At this point I’ve decided I don’t care at all though. I want to do whatever it takes to make the most people happy and get the most sleep.In my opinion stressing about sleep only leads to stress and not more sleep. You’re doing fine. My suggestion would be to choose something that you can be okay with for a night time routine and do it. If that’s nursing, do it. If it’s co-sleeping, do it. That way you and your baby both know what to expect when the night wakings happen.
    It’s okay to readjust, too. If what is working now doesn’t work in 2 months, reassess your situation and figure out what works for you at that point.
    I’m not willing to restrict our lives and routines to a point where going to bed at 8:15 vs. 8:00 is going to throw my kids off routine so strongly that it will be a big deal. I just go with the flow, and we all sleep.
    I, too, agree with Moxie. Your friends, family, and acquaintances who say that every 12 month sleeps through the night are lying or don’t know real kids. Saying something like, “We’re doing alright.” generally ends that conversation pretty quickly.

  162. Hand up! Neither of my kids slept through the night at 12 months, and I also got tired of apologizing or pretending that I thought they were weird. I agree with Moxie that pediatricians do NOT always know best – I got really crappy breastfeeding advice from one whose only experience was based on his wife and one baby. I shudder to think what he would have thought of our sleeping arrangements!I did like some ideas from “The No-Cry Sleep Solution,” which had lots of ideas for improving sleep in breastfeeding and co-sleeping babies. PLEASE don’t feel compelled to stop either of these practices in an attempt to improve sleep!
    With my older son, I decided at some point (around age 2, maybe? 2.5?) to night wean him. I tried moving myself to the guest room and leaving DH with the baby. R would have none of this, and I went back after a few hours of on -and-off screaming. He was old enough to understand that I was not going to give him milk at night anymore, and he agreed to just snuggle if he woke up. This did improve his sleep, BUT it required a baby old enough to understand what I was telling him. Younger son did fine sleeping with Daddy alone, and we did that for a year or so. I slept in the guest room, and DH snuck in to sleep with me when baby allowed. My point here is only that every kid is different, even in the same family.
    It’s still a short phase of their lives, even if it feels like it’s taking forever. Don’t worry about other people, and just do whatever seems to work for you! Good luck getting some better sleep soon!

  163. My (now four-year-old) daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was 22 months. I’m not saying that to scare anyone, it was just the truth for us.We co-slept until she was about 10 months old, then I started nursing her to sleep and putting her down in her crib and bringing her into our bed when she woke up the first time at night (usually only a couple of hours). At 13 months I night-weaned her. It really didn’t make much of a difference. I am still glad, in hindsight, that I did it, because it didn’t affect our daytime nursing (she nursed until 16 months, at which time she self-weaned) and it helped me feel a teensy bit less ARGH since then my husband could help me soothe her back to sleep. She would basically wake and cry and need comforting several times a night.
    We eventually (at almost two years) had my husband sleep on the floor of her room with her in the crib for a couple of weeks and she finally got the hang of it. That was sort of forced and hard but I was really sick (cancer) and I just could not do it anymore.
    Now she sleeps like a dream most nights–12-13 hours a night.
    Good luck!

  164. wanna hear from a tiny minority? my son slept through the night starting when he came home from the hospital. at 7 1/2 months old. with a feeding tube that fed him slowly all night long. though i did have to wake up to empty his ostomy bag sometime around 4 or it would get too full & fall off.so, see? my son slept through the night from about 7 1/2 months! it’s the truth, but not the whole truth. 🙂 and there’s something somewhere that folks whose children are sttn aren’t copping to – struggles with feeding, or horrible constipation, or something. you’re doing fine and so is your child.

  165. Haven’t read any of the replies yet but my kid is 28 months old and STILL doesn’t sleep through the night. 2 or 3 nights he does and it’s blissful but just not normal for him.People were always looking at me crazy when I told them about his sleeping and offering all kinds of unsolicited advice. Drives me crazy!!
    As soon as you just accept it and try not to compare him to your friends 12 WEEK old baby that sleeps 13 hours straight, you’ll be better. It sucks but you have to just ride the wave. It will get better but honestly, I think a lot of Mom’s lie about the sleeping thing because we think that we’re a bad parent if our kids don’t sleep. We’re not. (((hugs))) to you!!!! Hang in there Mama!!!!

  166. p.s. CIO didn’t work for us because he’s a sensitive little dude. I agree with the others that when they ask about how he’s sleeping, just be vague about it.

  167. I also had this crisis of confidence at around 12 or 13 months, when Pumpkin started waking every hour (which he hadn’t done since his 4-month sleep regression), and when I thought, “well, damn, he’s not a baby anymore — he’s a *year old* — shouldn’t he start sleeping better?”Well, no. At 12 or 13 months, it gets so much worse because separation anxiety really kicks in. But now at 17 months, my son has gone back to nursing down to sleep in 20 minutes or so and then waking up 2 or 3 times per night to nurse (but he nurses for, like, 30 seconds before he rolls over and goes back to sleep, and after his first wakeup we cosleep, so I barely even wake up).
    But here’s the thing. If you’re not going to do CIO, and you’re going to cosleep, and breastfeed on demand at night (which is NOT lazy, but strategic and kind, as far as I’m concerned), your kid may not sleep through the night until 2.5 or 3 or even 3.5. But he WILL sleep through eventually, and become a sound and unconflicted sleeper. How do I know this? Well, I was raised with a family bed (and I’m sure my mom never actively weaned me), but I slept really well as a child, and I sleep great as an adult. Other cosleeping/breastfeeding moms I know now have middle schoolers who sleep fine. It just takes a long time. So, hang in there!

  168. Our now 21 month old has still only slept through the night maybe a handful of times in the last two weeks (hopefully writing about it isn’t a jinx!). So basically, he’s in the category of no sleeping through the night until 20 months.About two months ago we night weaned, but I still lie down and nurse him to sleep. I do think that has made a difference for us, but it was because I had noticed that the night nursing was not helping him get back to sleep like it had before – I just went with it until it wasn’t working. (side note – there is a great Mothering article about night weaning that was very helpful – I think the key was being able to explain it to him the week in advance – I’d advocate for waiting until you feel your child can understand the plan).
    I also experienced all the judgment about not having a child sleeping through the night, and the main things that helped me (that have been covered in all the other wonderful comments) were: (1) discovering that children who slept through the night early often began night waking later on – nothing is ever set in stone and the myth about baby sleep being a ‘problem’ you can ‘solve’ once and for all is just ridiculous; (2) learning that in many other cultures, no one asks about whether other people’s children are sleeping through the night; (3) learning all the developmental, natural reasons why many children do not sleep through the night until 2 or later and that it’s perfectly normal and way more common than it seems; (4) reading this blog and realizing that kids just sleep the way they sleep and we way over-estimate what we as parents can do to change it – best to just do whatever works to maximize sleep for everyone in the family.
    Hang in there!

  169. Okay, 171 comments and I’m just adding, not reading — so this is just data.My son? 3.5 years old, doesn’t reliably sleep through the night. It’s a different game now, but we still cosleep most of the time. At 12 months? No way did he sleep through the night. CIO would have gone on all night if I let it: he’s my son, and when he’s got something he wants, it’s do or die. But sometime around then, nursing to sleep (or back to sleep) stopped working reliably, and he signaled to me, in similar ways as the OP describes, that he needed something different now. Following his cues worked better than anything else. At some point, what he needed was just some room to figure it out. I’d try to settle him down — he still doesn’t settle himself well, even after an exhausting cry — and if he didn’t need it, he’d let me know, usually by batting my hand away. The other night, I calmed him down by telling him a story; halfway through, he said “don’t tell the story” and dozed off in 5 minutes.
    By any means necessary, including evading the truth with anyone who asks about baby’s sleep. Just do what works for you, baby, and family.

  170. There’s a fabulous article here (http://www.phdinparenting.com/2011/05/09/the-history-of-sleep-training-in-germany/) that talks about this notion that babies “should” sleep through the night by a certain point. There’s also a good article here (http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/infant/sleep/want-baby-to-sleep-be-emotionally-available/article1668641/) in which research indicates it’s OKAY to be there for your kids at night — you’re not ruining them later on (and in fact it might be better for them). 🙂 Please note I’m not pasting these links as any kind of judgement on moms and choices they make, because I think all moms do the best they can… I’m just sharing them for those of us whose kids don’t sleep 12 hours straight through the night who have to endure criticisms of those who wonder why.

  171. More data points: only got to the blissful sleeping 11-12 hours with *no* interruptions after 3rd birthdays.I distinctly remember that my first baby gave up her 1 am nursing at age 12 months (therefore going straight from 7p to 4a–is that considered through the night?), but only because I had the flu and my husband did all the soothing for a few nights.
    I proceeded to get pregnant like four seconds after that, so then I had two nightwakers.
    People thought I was crazy for refusing to CIO, but I KNEW my daughter. I knew even then, before she could speak, that she was stubborn and would get so involved in the crying that she would NEVER wind down and go to sleep. Hypothetically I objected to CIO on principle (your baby communicates in the middle of the night the only way s/he knows how & your job is to respond), but when you get to a certain level of fatigue principles don’t matter…but the OP should trust her gut.
    Don’t wean if you don’t want to; if you do, it should be a slow progression. There are so many reasons for the nightwaking. I broke up with a pediatrician who told me to nightwean at 9 months.
    You know your child best. Don’t let anyone tell you what “should” be happening.

  172. My child is 22 months and still hasn’t slept through the night. In the early days, I honestly didn’t think I’d survive. I had no idea it would be so hard. I just thought kids slept! End of story! Ha. Finally I ignored my doctors orders completely and took him into our bed. Things didn’t get better right away – I am naturally a nervous person I suppose – and I spent a lot of time awake, making sure he was OK. But then he got bigger and stronger and I was able to sleep more. He still woke up several times a night to feed.Now I’m trying to cut out the night nursing – but he still wakes up and needs to be soothed. He’s in his own bed, but it’s right next to ours so I don’t have to get up. Anyway – I just had to add my two cents. I remember meeting lots of people telling me their kids slept through the night at 4 weeks, 4 months, 6 months, etc. I kept thinking “next month it will happen…next month it will happen….” And getting completely depressed – hopeless even – when it didn’t. I did meet one mother who told me her kid didn’t sleep through the night until 2 and a half. At the time I thought that was unthinkable…but now it looks like it might be us. Best of luck. 12 months and not sleeping through the night is absolutely normal! Not fun, not fun at all, but normal.

  173. Hi again – I forgot to add that my son also went through a period where he had, what I can only think of as ‘night terrors’. His eyes would be open, he’d thrash and cry. My attempts to sooth him didn’t work. The only thing that did was letting it pass. I’d sit close and watch and talk to him. They didn’t last very long – a minute or so in duration and only for a few months off and on – but it was terrible. I’ve heard from other parents that their children experienced similar things – usually around growth spurts, or learning a new skill.

  174. How is it I just saw this thread???? I can’t rad the comments now as it’s way past bedtime, but S is almost 21 months and has never, ever, ever, ever slept the whole night. But last week she did 8 hours in a row. Yippee!I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I stopped worrying about it and it got much better. For me. I obsessed over sleep for about 15 months before I stared to give myself a break. Some days I would drive myself crazy, thinking we were the only family on the block who wasn’t putting baby down to bed at 8 and waking 12 hours later well rested.
    So to reiterate Moxie: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! They’re duping us on the sleep thing! They are! It’s a conspiracy! Like “don’t cosleep” is a conspiracy! It’s a trap to make you feel guilty, to sell books, to distrust fellow parents, to doubt yourself, to make stupid 4-minute news segments.
    You’re not alone. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish that there was a whole lot more honesty out there about this whole dang sleep thing. Sincerely, I lost a whole lot of much-needed sleep over it.

  175. There must be thousands of replies to this by now, but my little 20 month old son was up 3-5 times a night until he was 18 months old. Then something just seemed to switch on, and now he sleeps through the night. (Older daughter was more or less sleeping through the night at 10 months.)I sometimes think that sleep training techniques were invented to give you something to do until your child works out their own sleep issues.

  176. My 14.5 month old daughter has been sleeping through the night (11 hours) for several months and has been taking 2 naps a day (1.5 hours each), no problem….BUT, for the past few days, she’s been falling asleep on the boob for naps (the usual) but waking up when I put her in her crib and NOT going back to sleep. I’ve left her in her crib for 30-45 minutes, hoping she’ll fall asleep. No dice.2 naps to 0 naps. I’m at a loss. I can see her dropping one nap, but both?? She’s so tired throughout the day. *sigh*

  177. I needed to read this story so badly! My 12 month son is so restless at night. The odd thing is that he slept well until 5 1/2 months (also the 26th wonderweek and when he started to learned to sit up), with no identifiable help form me. But since then progressed (or regressed?) to waking 1-3 times per night to breastfeed, which worsened around 8 months when the restlessness started. He tosses and turns and thrashes and cries out and since he learned to crawl and walk (both at 11 months) he pushes himself around the bed like a bulldozer in his sleep! I can’t do CIO; it feels wrong for us and not the solution for restlessness anyway, though how I would love to help him (and me) sleep more restfully. Since 8 months we co-sleep every night after the first night waking. It does not help him sleep better, though it helps me sleep better. I nurse him back to calm/sleep in my bed when he gets so restless he wakes himself up or I think he might, which happens ALOT some nights and other nights only a few times. He gets worse during the Wonder Week times when he’ll get so restlesss and cry out to the point we just have to wake up and go watch TV for an hour or two and go back to bed when he is ready.If we wean I am afraid he will loose his greatest comfort at present – the magic boob! He takes a soother, but at night he takes it out, throws it aside and wants the boob.
    I am afraid we are getting deeper and deeper into posssibly bad sleep habits, according to the so called baby experts anyway, but what else are we supposed to do? Parenting was never supposed to be convenient; it’s 24 hours a day, rain or shine.
    I feel like his little brain just can’t shut off at night. I don’t know this, but I feel this. I hoped it would end when he learned to crawl and walk, but sadly no. Nothing I do different for him seems to help, so I live with it. It can’t last forever, right? “This too shall pass” is my motto most days. It’ll just take time.
    By the way, I have a nephew that supposedly sleeps throught every night. When he was 6 months, my husband and I were visiting his parents and during the night we woke up to guess what – crying nephew! His parents did not hear him crying. He cried for and hour and then stopped. They never once got up to check on him. The parents slept though the night, not the baby. Makes my heart break for the little guy.

  178. I found this post while looking for other Moms in the same position as me! Turns out there are lots of us. My son will be 1 year on September 4th and sometimes he sleeps through the night and sometimes he does not. Lately, he does not. He gets up once and the only way to get him back to sleep is to go in and rock him for about 30 minutes until he is sound asleep and put him back in his crib. Then, sometimes, it’s smooth sailing until between 5-6 am.I have to say, CIO has worked for us in general but I would never want someone who thinks it’s not good for their child to do it. For our little guy, it was better to let him cry, since going in would often just make things worse. Now we have evolved to the scenario I just described. Things are constantly evolving and changing when it comes to sleep, and every night, when I hear him cry (or don’t) I have to take a minute and think about how I am going to deal with this tonight.
    I love this website, I love the Wonder Weeks book, and I just assume that what we are going through is normal to someone, no matter what it is. We are all such good parents, we think about, worry about, obsess over, and love our children so much that sometimes we forget that we are good at this!

  179. I have been feeling a failure regarding my son and sleeping. He has not wanted milk during the day since he was 10 months but still has two feeds at night and water. He is 12 months old and still shows no sign of sleeping through. You lot have made my day and I do not fell alone any more. I have been told so many different things and the lastest is that it is not normal. This was from a “friend.” Thanks for the tips and helping me relax.

  180. Same story here. My baby does not sleep though the night. HOpefully one day I can just remember this phase. :-)But it was fun reading all your posts.

  181. I could have written your post word for word. My DS is 12 months on Sunday and he wakes every 1-3 hours most nights but like your baby is so inconsistent. Last night he slept 6 1/2 hours which was great but that’s only happened a couple of weeks at the most in his short life and it’s not that I do anything different. I have tried CIO but it only makes him worse and then he doesn’t like his cot and he stands up immediately once I place him in the cot. I have managed to not breastfeed him at all night wakings but it takes alot longer to get him to sleep and when I think he is deep enough a sleep (after rocking) he may or may not wake as soon as I lower him into cot. The problem is he wont lay down in cot awake (which would be ok as I could pat him to sleep). Today I tried putting him in cot for day nap and when he stood up I just patted the mattress and he played and cried and winged and kept lying down at which stage I patted/stroked him but he still got up…it got slower and slower and he eventually went to sleep without me holding him (50 mins) but then he only slept for 50mins (usual time he sleeps in day). But then I gave him a breastfeed and he seem to want to keep drinking for 20mins then he fell asleep again..so he is tired but why can’t he continue sleeping!!! This was a great forum to read through as there are so many that are or have been in a similar situation. Now that you baby is 17months, how are you going with it now? I hope to hear so good news as I’m desperate for a good nights sleep and want to know if there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And knowing that he won’t be depriving me of sleep when he is in college doesn’t give me any comfort as I need sleep now and want to enjoy every moment with my son. He is a gorgeous boy and so happy and funny during day…I just wish he slept better (night as well as day). People ask me the same questions…asking a stupid question like “Is he a good baby” – what exactly constitutes a “good baby”…sleeping? I just say he is a good baby, just not a great sleeper. 🙂

  182. My daughter is turning one year old next week. Her sleep habits have been as follows:1-2 months: during a 24-hour period, would sleep for two hours, be awake for two hours, then go back to sleep for two hours. I believe this is the “norm” if there is such a thing.
    3-4 months: would wake up about 3-4 times a night, about three naps during the day.
    5 months: would sleep 7-10 hours at night, 2-3 naps a day
    6-9 months: would wake up about 3-4 times a night, 2-3 naps a day. This is when we started feeding her solids.
    10-12 months: would wake up once during the night (usually about 3am) but would sometimes take 1-2 hours to get her back to sleep.
    My daughter slept in a bassinet in our room until she was 10 months old. I’m guessing that moving her to her own room at this time is the reason she only gets up once now but I can’t figure out why she doesn’t want to get back to sleep right away. My wife breastfeeds her but it seems that doesn’t help until I actually give her a 4 oz. bottle (sometimes two.) Last night, my wife actually put her into the car and drove for 30 minutes until she went back to sleep.
    Reading these posts, I’m assuming at this point that she’s excited about learning to walk and possible having teething pain. Anyone else have this issue with their child?

  183. Ok, so it’s eight months down the track. I wonder how you’re getting on now?I’ve ended up here due to what I’m assuming is the 13mo sleep regression. We have a very placid baby who is generally a good sleeper and we’ve all generally slept pretty well as a result, save the last week (waking up and staying up for two hours until he falls asleep in my arms at which point I put him to bed). In the lead-up he is very thrashy and fight-y.
    My chiropractor put me onto Aletha Solter’s “The Aware Baby” which many of you probably already know about and she puts the thrashy stuff down to reliving birth trauma. Now, I am a total justification-slut so I will use any explanation that works for me at the time, to get me through whatever the issue is at the time.
    Leading up to DS’s birthday last week I found myself totally immersed in remembering the weeks up to his birth; the light, the smells, the weather all triggered things off so I figured if that was the case for me, then why wouldn’t it be for DS? His birth was pretty bloody complicated albeit incredibly well managed. Neither of us was overly distressed at any stage really (except maybe my partner?).
    So I took Solter’s advice and stuck with it (just held him and allowed him to just cry without trying to “make it alright”). I don’t know if it would work for others but it certainly made it easier for me. I found it helped me be a little more compassionate towards him (but I don’t know how many nights I will be able to keep it up 🙂
    The phrase “whatever gets you through the night” was totally coined by a mum.

  184. my daughter is 4 monhts and i am starting to try her in her crib Also! this is the 5th night. . . for the first 3 nights i rocked her to sleep, or if she fell asleep on the couch its ok 2. . . then after she was sleeping in her crib the layed her and then she woke up there on the night of the 4th layed her in the crib at her bedtime and she fussed a little then fell asleep, same thing tonight she is getting the hang of it. . . Maybe You Should try this, They have to get comfortable with the crib she was first ITS very scarywhen younger i would lay on the crib sheet A Few nights and get my scent on it, That Way When She was in bed She Could I still smell . . . That Was Easier then putting a shirt of mine in the bed with her. . . . .

  185. I have to same problem with my daughter…when she turned 2 months she slept in her own bed all night long…i was so happy cause i though yay i dont have a baby that wakes up all night….but tht only lasted until she was about 5 months then she just started waking up every hour screaming her full head off…idk wht to do…she would only calm down when i nursed her…it came to the point where i couldnt get up cause i was so exhausted my husband tryed to help me as much as he could but her works during the day so there is only so much he could do…i tried everything..let her cry it out…a pacifier…a bottle…nothing works….she hates the crib and i cant figure out why…she is 12 months now and its just getting out of hand to the point where my back hurts like crazy and i can barely keep my eyes open during the day cause im so exhausted…and when people ask me about i hate telling them cause they always say its my fault for doing this and that and i dont like it i know alot of mothers have this problem! idk what to do..i just want to get her to be a happy baby a night..and i want to break her from breastfeeding…if anyone has any suggestions please help..!

  186. Habit, You are trying to break the habit of comfrot of the mother. This will not be? easy. . . . Take slow, it will have? sleepless nights as he adjusts. This? when you have to make some new habits. Try a new routine, perhaps he states how he is falling asleep, but the stand? Pat and continue back and comfrot him. once you fall asleep to be ready to keep returning to comfrot him (but do not take him to bed), even if you have, toy pool, Paci, etc.. . . he must have this. When you can console him? have to take it but stay in her room and when? calmed down yet again. . . . and again. . . . a rocking chair in his room might be beneficial for you. If the crib? Room. . . . cos it does not work?, why? still associated with your bedroom with te.Tu’re the best security blanket, and of course he will not give you up so? Consistency and patience will be? your best tools. Also, remember to 8 months because he does not understand? your changing the rules , so do not arrabbiano.Mio son has been sleeping in my bed, till? was not 18 months, I was a single mom. . . . I took 2 years to his room but he would wake in the middle of the night and come to my bed. When he was 5 years I got married and I had to wean him off to come into my room, at first when I woke up and he was in my bed I would take him back to her. A few months later I wake up and tell him to go back to bed. It took about 8 months or IM? of l?, but he? of 7 hours and sleeps all night. Of course he still loves to sleep with the mother? a cuddle bug and he does not like sleeping alone. I only allow him to sleep with me if my husband? at home and only once a month or IM? of l?,? a treat:). Good luck!

  187. to have a bear womb and have white noise in the round back. . what have I done? I took a pillow and sleep on that Bobbie had in my bed for a week or two then I put it in its cadrle and it was soo used to sleeping on that Bobbie? fell right asleep in his cot. .

  188. vase shoroooe kar kohobe vali kheyli ja dare k behtar az ina beshe.omidvaram haminjoori bemoone va ba mavazine eslami va farhange irooni monafati peyda nakonesepasgozaram

  189. Although most 10 year olds would tend to sleep in their own beds all the time their is no problem with him sinpeleg with his mum every once in a while. This simply means he wants to spend more time with you. There is nothing wrong with this. He is just very loving. If you really didn’t want him to sleep on the couch with you then you should just take him back to his own bed each time he comes to sleep with you. This would work in the end but to be honest i think it would be best just to let him sleep with you when he wants to.Hope this helps

  190. Oh my gosh !!!!! These pictures are so aainmzg of precious Colby Jackson Lemish !!! I got tears when I saw the picture of Jay and Kate and Colby !!Colby’s Grandma is my BFF and I am soooo proud of everyone for this beautiful child . I only hope to see Colby in person one of these days !!Hats off to Ludwig Photography on capturing THE most beautiful poses of Colby. Reminds me of another photographer, but these are sooooo much better !!!!!!!!! : )

  191. He’s no conscience like a prneest shooter, unwilling to pass on any chance, and the field-goal proportion the last two seasons continues to be the worst associated with his career. But he’s still averaging near to Eighteen factors an evening, and it is terrifying to think what lengths this team would have fallen with out him or her.

  192. The first one took my breath away it looks like the cover of a mgaazine. Absolutely stunning, Laura! He looks so peaceful and content. A feeling of calm just settles over you while you look at his beautiful portraits. Mom is so blessed, both in her sweet boy and these images.

  193. Extra Strenght Nytol (50mg), take two of these then eat a meal, you’ll be out in a half an hour, and sleep a full 8 hours!There’s your best answer!PS Simply Sleeps are a joke, they don’t work!

  194. if you want herbal then get some vlriaean forte. thats supposed to work well.can’t say it works for me though, nothing short of 300mgs of seroquel will put me to sleep. good luck!

  195. Kava KavaValerian Root (tea)Chamomile tea (or soak in bath)Warm Milk (yes it works)ExerciseAnd if you are in college, read your hiostry or economics book. Always works.

  196. Gingko Biloba is a well known remedy for imirpvong circulation all over the body. Better circulation in the brain is what should improve memory and mental function. In males, it can be used as a kind of aphrodisiac, since better circulation in the genitals in some cases will be seen as a better erection. Gingko should be used for three months in a row, then should not be taken for another three months and so on. I wouldn’t not know about gingko and breastfeeding, though.

  197. >Sounds like depression I have stglegurd with depression since a child, and your symptoms fit. I’m currently going through a bout of it myself, and I can tell you I feel blah alot lately, with sporadic days of “yeck” and all I want to do is sleep I’m also having some troubling dreams as well, which isn’t helping matters any. Hope you feel better soon!

  198. Thanks so much Karen!I totally agree that the feeignls of inadequacy brought on by trying to keep up with the cyber Joneses never ends up helping my personal progress in any way!And yes.. a break, which I took last week, was what I needed to regroup and focus on my intention of supporting moms to remain calm, to find their voices and to take care of themselves.Listening to my inner compass is the only way for me!I appreciate your feedback and support my friend!

  199. Sleeping to much can actually be bad for your heath strgeanly enough.Have you ever noticed if you sleep longer you feel even worse and are even more tired, than if you only sleep the recommended 8 hours.

  200. My son is only 6 months and my stemopm just asked me that the other day,and i was like yeah he’s only 6 months, She was like i’d be pumping and giving it to him in a bottle. I think it’s just that people who never BF dont understand the closeness and the joys that come along with it. Or it could be they are jealous that they didnt get to experience what we experience when nursing a baby! I get sick of it so i just change the subject it your baby and your business really, no one elses opinion matters! your doing whats best for your son!!!

  201. I would say that it depends on the baby. If the baby is thissis hungry then it would take longer period of time but if not then a short suckle will do. I really don’t have time limit in nursing my baby. I’ll just wait my baby’s cue that he had enough then I will stop breastfeeding my baby. -Jan

  202. Sleeping too much is almost as bad as too liltte sleep and makes you feel very weak and very tired. It is no good for your health. Too much bed rest also depletes your calcium levels.

  203. I wouldn’t take ahitnyng like that while nursing, w/o consulting your doctor.The problem with supplements like this is even if they work, you likely shouldn’t or wouldn’t want to stay on them long term and what happens when you stop taking it? Unless you’ve made a lifestyle change, you’ll just put the weight right back on. My advice, save your money and do it the right way…eat right and exercise.Found online (you can do your own research as well): However, there have been no published studies on the safety of hoodia in humans.Hoodia marketers often claim that hoodia has no side effects because the San Bushmen in the Kalahari desert of Africa have been using hoodia for thousands of years. But hoodia simply hasn’t been around for long enough in North America or undergone safety testing to know the potential side effects, drug interactions, and safety concerns.Jasjit S. Bindra, PhD, former researcher for hoodia at Pfizer (the pharmaceutical giant that licensed the rights to develop hoodia for $21 million but later returned the rights), stated in a letter to The New York Times that although hoodia did appear to suppress appetite, there were indications of unwanted effects on the liver caused by components other than the active ingredient p57 that could not easily be removed during processing.Bindra added, Clearly, hoodia has a long way to go before it can earn approval from the Food and Drug Administration.And as a general precaution, because the safety in pregnant or nursing women, children, or people with liver or kidney disease hasn’t been established, these people in particular should avoid hoodia.

  204. =( $45 is too much =( $45 is too much to be flopping my twins ..have you tried gluraommom? I like them but they shrink after few washes.Do you use any nursing pads? I always gets a early let-down even if I feed my baby on time and it leak like crazy! any suggestion to avoid it? Thank you luvs!

  205. Great pic! I love to see mama’s doing extended befastreeding…although I’m not quite sure why it’s called extended…but that’s another post!And you almost have to multitask while nursing! I had too…for sure! Happy WW!

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  207. I know this was posted a year ago, but I’m in the same boat as you were and I felt incredibly alone until reading this. It almost makes me cry reading your story. It’s exactly the same for us (except he has a bottle not breast). Our son hasn’t slept through the night since birth, (he did have horrible acid reflux until 7 months, so we know that gas pains kept him up a lot).He was unable to breast feed because of the acid reflex and is still on special forumla. He will be a year next week and sleeping (including naps) has been the most intense part of parenting him. He ABSOLUTELY hates the crib. He will sleep there from 20 minutes to 4 hours and then wake hysterically crying. We played the crib game, back and fourth, up and down all night long for a long time until our bodies we’re becoming so unhealthy from no sleep. We brought him into our bed. At this point, my partner and I take turns sleeping on the couch each night because he thrashes and fights rest so much. I feel like the most horrible parent that i haven’t “mastered” this still with him. Does it ever get easier?

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  209. I googled “12 month old not sleeping through the night” as I sat here glassy-eyed, listening to my 12 (almost 13) month-old wailing in the bed with my husband. He is breastfed and the story above (minus the thrashing and pushing away) could have been written by me. This is our 3rd baby so its not like we’re new at this. But circumstances change with each child as much as each child is different. To be honest we felt our way through the other two and half the time I was so sleepy I can’t tell you how we did it or what strategy we used. I have basically used bf’ing to calm this baby too, and have not allowed him to cry it out until now. He wakes consistently to nurse at 2 am and again at 6am. I have been gradually weaning him during the day as he eats more. Its more of just following his lead on nursing and he has been less interested as more foods have been introduced. However, he is stil an avid nurser. In a few hours I am going to board a plane to leave for four nights without him. I have pumped some milk to give him right before bed and when he wakes up. I don’t know if he will be sleeping through the night after this and I feel horrible imagining his sadness. But I know for my sanity and health I need him to sleep more than a few hours at a time. And I think he probably needs it too. We are all exhausted. If I were anywhere near him I could not bear to let him cry it out. I left the house when my other two got to the point where they had to cry some in order to learn that its okay and to go to sleep…it’s so hard. But totally normal.

  210. reading all this makes me feel so much better…my son is 12 months and still not sleeping through the night and I’m 5 months pregnant with baby #2 and not sure I want to be having both my young children sleeping with me at this point but I pray things will get better!!

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  219. My baby wont sleep through the night either, he’s going to be 12 months in July. I am so happy you posted this b/c I am totally in the same boat you are. I feel like everyone elses kid sleeps through the night but mine!!!!!… Not to mention, I am exhausted breastfeeding him all night long. My peditrician suggested cio but i cant bring myself to do it, but my husband and i would like to have another child soon but dont think its possible with all the breastfeeding I still do at almost at 12 months!!!!

  220. Ughh I am also going through something very similar!! My son who is 12 months has never given me a full nights sleep. It doesn’t matter how short I make his naps, it’s the same thing. It’s not so much a struggle to get him to sleep, just a struggle to keep him asleep. He will often wake up an hr to two hrs after putting him down, when I give him a bottle he will go back to sleep. However, he wakes up another 2-3 hrs after that and a lot of the time he’s awake awake. Won’t go back to sleep. So he’s getting an avg of 5-6 hrs of broken up sleep a night. Doesn’t seem like enough for a baby!!! I’m so frustrated because now I have to go back to work, but am extremely exhausted. I know what you mean about everyone else saying their babies sleep through the night, some 12 hrs straight!! It’s so frustrating. You’re not alone that’s for sure. I know I’m no help, but just know I’m going through the same thing.

  221. Most comments are from 2011 and it’s now 2015, can any previous posters please fill me in on your progress, or lack of today, Nov. 2015. My grandson is 13 months and lives with my daughter her husband and myself and even great grandma. (No crowding, each has a room except the baby’s family is all in the master room) BUT…..the house is awake during most of the night and my mother and myself can’t handle to much more of the "crying it out" method. It’s been over a month and I’ve cried every night. It literally seems inhumane. What is so wrong with a baby wanting to be held, EVEN if it means ALOT. THEY WONT BE LITTLE FOREVER! I KNOW it’s a crutch, but I almost wanted my daughter to wake because I craved to hold her close, or at least sleep next to me. It NEVER mattered to me as to WHEN WILL SHE SLEEP ALONE. Personally, I would miss her. Long story short…….I can’t be the only one who craves the closeness of their baby, even at bedtime. My daughter slept with me until she wanted to sleep in her room, which was made up for her from the first month, and got age appropriate as time went on, BUT to be honest, her choosing when she wanted to sleep alone was just sooooo much easier on me. I missed her, but at least I knew she was comfortable, and that was my goal as a parent, to make my child comfortable with sleeping alone, with going places without me, being comfortable in her own skin as a teen, and it worked. She’s a wonderful, smart, and loving girl and now the only problem is her version of her baby’s sleeping pattern, well…..lack of sleep. The MAIN thing we disagree on. I hope someone will post how their story changed over the years. It could really help US out now. THANK YOU, Sleepless in AZ

  222. My daughter baby has not slept all night since born,he is 12 months old,just wants to play all night,lucky to have 2 hours sleep per day.
    My daughter is so tired,can you help please.
    She lives in Perth WA.

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