Q&A: Being there when you’re barely there

A, who is going through a painful and disillusioning divorce and now unemployment and financial troubles, asks:

"How can I be there for my son when I'm barely holding it together myself?"

Answer: Burn it down to what's really essential and let the rest go by.

You all know I've been through some stuff in the last few years. (Including being in eviction court twice in 2009 and sometimes having single digits to my name for a week at a time, which I never talked about because a) I didn't know how to talk about it (and still don't), and b) I didn't want to ask for help. I am still shocked and thankful when I can pay my rent on the day it's due and that I can buy my kids impulse items at the grocery store.)

In those days when I could not sleep for more than two hours at a time from worry and recrimination about how horribly I'd miscalculated and how off the track things were, the one thing I did that kept me from spiralling off, untethered, was making the deliberate decision not to roll over.

I thought about what my kids really needed. And what it boiled down to was food, water, clothes, a place to live, love, and security. They did not need a perfect magazine mom, who cut their sandwiches into shapes. They didn't need a mom who went on endless fun outings with them all the time and bought them fun toys. They needed a mom who hugged them a lot, who listened to what they said and paid attention, who took their feelings seriously, who showed them that they were important, and who waited until they were asleep to cry.

And they needed a mom who kept going.

So keep going. You will find another job. You will dig yourself out. You will be cupcake mom again. In the meantime, pay attention to your son and take him seriously and love him. The rest is fun, but if you don't have the resources he won't even notice.

You are doing the best you can, which is all he needs.

Who's been there?

49 thoughts on “Q&A: Being there when you’re barely there”

  1. Five years ago, I had two children under two, a husband who was both seriously underemployed and an emotional and mental basket case due to what we would later learn was undiagnosed PTSD. I had just gone back to work and just found out that my trusted caregiver was pregnant and would no longer be available to look after the kids within a few months. I was beyond exhausted physically (I would later find out that I was suffering from undiagnosed severe sleep apnea — my breathing was stopping and waking me up approximately every 45 seconds while I ‘slept’).You know? I got through it because what other choice did I have? You put one foot in front of the other and sometimes you fall down, but you can’t just lie there because how would that help?
    For me, parenting has always been about figuring out what’s important and letting the rest go. I guarantee you that my mother was *horrified* by the state of my house at that time, but I would (and still will) always choose reading and cuddling at bedtime over a freshly mopped kitchen floor.
    You don’t say how old A’s son is, but I can tell you that there’s no better time to cry than when you’re rocking your baby. There were many nights when I stayed in my kids’ rooms rocking and crying and eventually just breathing them in *long* after they’d fallen asleep. It was meditative, almost.
    Avoid the what-if game and just focus on what is right in front of you. The truth is that your kid needs breakfast whether you’re being evicted tomorrow or not. The laundry needs done even if your soon-to-be-ex is emptying your bank accounts and using the money to buy his Latin lover a new wardrobe. And your boy needs you to hug him and kiss him and listen to him tell about his day even if your world is collapsing around your shoulders.
    I say that not to be fatalistic. It’s comforting, in a way. No, maybe you can’t fix your current situation in the next ten minutes. But you *can* do the next right thing. You can. Often the very hardest thing about doing the next right thing is knowing what that thing is. When your kids are little, it’s right there in front of you — it maybe not be the perfect thing, but hugging your kid and sharing a story is pretty darn sure not the wrong thing.
    All good thoughts to you, A. You’ll get through it and when it’s over, you’ll survey the damage, pick up the pieces, and go from there.

  2. I have been there and I am still there. My divorce is pretty recent. I have some good days and I have a lot of bad days. But I know that no matter what I have to get up the next day and be there for my kids. I have to remember to listen to my inner voice that quietly tells me it will get better and you can do this. I appreciate what Moxie says about being there for your child. Talking, hugging, listening and lots of love, yes the rest is fun stuff but the love and just being their Mom is what matters most. It is a rough road but you will and can get through it. Sending you good wishes!

  3. The most that anyone can ever ask of you is for you to do your best. How could anyone expect more? If you are doing the best you can in the circumstances you are in, then you are being the best mom for your son, hands down.

  4. I haven’t been in that position and I think Moxie’s advice is amazing. But from my own hard times I just wanted to add the thought that learning to be in a family involves the tough times too.Your son is learning how to “keep on keeping on” and that has a lot of value. Resilience is a critical quality. We can learn it from those around us, as long as the love is there too.

  5. Oh, A, my thoughts are with you!I highly recommend any book by Pema Chodron, especially “When things fall apart” and “The places that scare you”*. These books have have bolstered me through some pretty difficult days.
    Chodron would say: try to stay present. Remember, we think we know an outcome, but we don’t. We call things good, or we call them bad, but we really don’t know. And: when you feel sad or scared, let yourself feel sad or scared. It’s okay. I think, you know, you may feel calmer, and that trickles down to your son. Be sure and take care of yourself.
    *I wish Chodron’s publishers could come up with cooler titles. I mean, people see you reading that stuff on mass transit it’s like a neon sign over your head that says, “This chick IS TOTALLY FREAKING OUT. Everything IS FALLING APART.”

  6. A cruel paradox of divorce is that when your kids need you most, you have the least to give. It’s just a tough time.Moxie is right – focus on the essentials, and get to the rest when (and if) you can. Also, ask for help. Trying to meet a child’s needs is a challenge at the best of times. When you are struggling, call in relatives and friends to spend a little time with him so you can get a break. These same folks can also be a sounding board for you, so that you can release and then go on.
    Good luck!

  7. I’ve found the hardest part of parenting dealing with a personal/emotional crisis – something where I was in bad shape myself, but the relentless pressure of kids, work, house, finances, etc, meant that I never felt like I had time to feel my emotions. It was a terrible feeling, because I had to be so shut down just to get through the next cycle of things that Had to Be Done. I didn’t want to cry/lose it in front of the children. Experiencing any kind of serious emotional upheaval while parenting (especially while parenting alone!) is really really hard. I definitely had to find new strategies for coping and dealing with my hard times once I became a parent, because the old ways did NOT work. It was so hard. I don’t have any answers, only heart full of empathy.

  8. I am reminded of research done about the trauma (or lack thereof) of children in London who went through the bombings during the war. Many kids came out of it relatively unscathed. Why? Because their parents didn’t freak out and treated it all as a great adventure. Hiding in the bunker under blankets in the middle of the night can be kind of like a cool game rather than terrifying if the parent models the right attitude.Our culture tells us that kids need stuff and neat outtings and fancy classes. When we look at other cultures and ways of child-rearing we realize what they need is at least one loving and consistent parent figure with a good attitude.
    Of course, the hard part is being the parent with the loving, positive, empathetic, teaching, gentle attitude when you are going through extremely stressful times. However, when in the midst of terrible health issues, scary financial situations and painful relationships, our attitude is one of the very few things that we CAN control. It is very hard but it is possible and the pay off for the kids and yourself is immeasurable.
    Like someone else said, it is in these times when the kids learn the most. Guess what time period Brits are most nostalgic about? …the war.
    I don’t mean to sound too Pollyanna-like. There is no denying these times are terribly difficult to get through.

  9. Thank you, Moxie. This is so well-put. When things get tough for us (and, thankfully, we’re mostly okay most of the time), I try to remember to look for the good. Thank G-d for everything you DO have. What else can you do?

  10. Thank you, Moxie. We’ve dealt with some of this, too. First my husband’s head injury and subsequent brain injury, disability, and unemployment, combined with an injury-induced emotional instability and sensory overload that made both marriage and parenting a 2-3 year old difficult. Oh, and the kid slept very little, plus we ended up “homeschooling” a year of preschool because his school was such a terrible fit. Then DH’s healing, and my extreme stress (which I didn’t “let” affect me during two years of crisis mode, but which came out big time as memory loss and anxiety once i could let go a bit. Now: Husband 99% healed, marriage back on track, working together against a common enemy (debt). Kid sleeping and happy in school. I’m less overwhelmed and my brain is returning.But: Nice little buy-a-house nest egg evaporated, medical and consumer debt in the high five figures, IRAs gone. Much of the last six months, single digits in the account at the end of the month. I’m lucky enough to be working furiously, finally getting beyond that state a tiny bit. DH still job hunting.
    We much prefer financial insecurity to emotional/medical hell. Definitely helped by thinking “what’s the worst that can happen? Gee, our perfect credit is in the toilet. So what? My husband is healthy and we’re all sane and happy.”
    The worst is when I have to wait to buy the kid new shoes, or to go to the dentist, or have to figure out how the hell we’ll pay for medical care for the next 2 years, since we’re all basically uninsurable at this point. But day to day, it is getting better, and we made it through the worst.
    You will too.

  11. Thank you, everyone. Don’t know why life has to be hard sometimes, but here we all are — making it through and doing a pretty good job of taking care of our kids. Today I just want to cry (depressed husband), but I had a good, peaceful night with my girl last night (with the power out because of storms) and today I just need to do my work with quality. I’m going to try to do everything that’s in front of me today with “quality.” (I’ve been listening to Eckhart Tolle.)

  12. My husband left me when I was 8 month pregnant with our second child – the thing that helped me most was focusing on staying in the present moment. I didn’t know if I would be ok in ten minutes, but I knew that the world was still turning right then. When I did break down in front of my son (age 3) I just told him that I was sad and crying made me feel better just like it sometimes did for him. The other things that helped were writing (and I’ve never ever been one to journal before) and spending as much time as humanly possible with family and friends.I also found that my son started acting out the most once I was starting to feel better – the good news was that I had more emotional resources to do the research on how to support him and he seemed to work through it pretty well.
    I’m so sorry you’re having such tough times, A. Accept all the love and help that comes your way and then ask for more!

  13. I read “My Many Coloured Days” to my son alot… and then make reference to the moods… I tell him I am having a green day, like the fish in the book.”green days deep deep in the sea, cool and quiet fish that’s me”
    Much luck to all of you getting through hard times.

  14. I’m going to speak to this from the perspective of the kid in this situation. I know things can be really, really hard–close to impossible–and I want to just say that Moxie’s advise is fantastic. I think, and I say this having grown up with parents who were for whatever reason unable to do so, that one of the most important things you can do for your kids is to keep taking care of their basic needs. I don’t just mean clothes/food/water but emotional needs, to keep them feeling safe and contained and all that other good stuff.I really, really hope that doesn’t sound condescending and I have no idea how *I* would react as a parent in that situation, but I’d like to think that I’d be able to do that much. I guess that having grown up that way I just want to throw my hat in the ring, encouraging folks to keep things together just enough to keep the kids feeling safe.
    (that isn’t to say there aren’t going to be bad days, days when you scream more than you mean to, days when you send the kids to bed without listening as closely as you meant to,etc, but that’s not wht I mean).

  15. I love, love love Jan’s advice about doing the next right thing. The next time I’m really in the shit, I hope I can call on that.And those of you who are being honest about money problems? Thank you. Thank you from the depths of my soul. Things are temporarily OK with us now, but, well, I don’t use “temporarily” to be cute, let’s put it that way. And a few years ago, honestly I don’t know how we managed but we did and it took my MIL dying and a chunk of money from her estate to get us out of serious desperation mode. I felt SO ALONE because it seemed like no one else I knew, online or in real life, struggled like we did and I felt so crappy and poor and anxious ALL THE TIME because no one else seemed to wear the same clothes for years or buy all their kids’ stuff at Target because that was what they could afford or have a house crumbling around them because they couldn’t afford to maintain it…instead, it was all awesome overseas vacations and $1800 sofas. So…thank you. It’s hard to talk about the weeks you’re praying nothing comes up because you have exactly $9 in the checking account for three more days and dammit you are smart and educated and why is it like this? There’s such a sense of shame about looking middle class and being anything but. So, thank you for telling the truth. It’s awful enough to have that burden, but to feel like no one else you know ever faces this is that much harder. So, you’ve lifted one burden even if yours is heavy right now, and I hope karma comes back around to lighten your load too.

  16. The thing I went through was analagous but not the same. The thing I wish I would have done differently? Ask for help. I told myself a lot of stuff about being alone, that wasn’t really true. I think I made it worse for myself than it had to be. So my feeling is, ask for the help if there is someone who can help you. Chances are that if somebody asked you for help at their lowest point, you’d do it for them. It really is okay to be on the receiving end.

  17. I have read the Information which you have to post here and also read all the Replies of user and i am feel very sad after reading you all ‘s Post.

  18. @AmyinMotown- thank you for what you wrote! You wrote what I feel too. I feel alone alot; most of my friends are more than fine financially. My husband has been in and out of jobs for the past few years. Right now he’s working at a convenience store and he’s miserable. He wants to quit, but what will he do instead? GAH my stomach is churning with fear/anxiety/theblackholeofdepression… we have negative digits in our bank account.Reading these posts has made me feel just better enough to get through the day. Thank you all.
    A, I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. You have already made a great first step in writing to someone and asking for help. Keep going. You may be surprised at the goodness out there in the world. It doesn’t seem like it’s there, but it is.

  19. Oh, how I’ve been there. Matter of fact, I’m still there. Marriage completely went off the tracks last September. About 10 weeks ago, he quit his job. (No child support! Yay!) A week later, he moved out of state. (No more weekend visitation/breaks for mom! Yay!)Then, about 8 weeks ago, I went to pick my (severely disabled, 74#) child up to return her to her bed and blew out two (more) discs in my lumbar spine. (No lifting over 10 pounds! (my purse weighs more than that!) and no lifting my daughter! Ugh!) Right now, I’m drawing disability (thank goodness for FMLA and the insurance!) and trying to figure out how to support both of us financially on 60% of not-very-much.Most days, I don’t worry about it, but when I get a bill for the MRI at almost-$600, and then another one for the injections at almost-$400 I wonder how on earth I’m supposed to ever get caught up/back on track.
    I’m fortunate. My daughter is school-aged, so she is out of the house from 8-4. I cry during those hours. (When I’m working, it’s much harder to schedule time to cry and worry ~ I usually do it after she’s in bed.) I’ve had to learn to ask for help. It makes me want to throw up, but I do it…not for me, but for her. I listen to her and explain to her what’s going on, I facilitate phone calls with her father when he calls (even when I’d rather stick nails in my eyes than speak to him right at that moment!) and if I do lose it and cry in front of her, I explain that sometimes Mommy gets sad/scared/worried/fill-in-the-emotion here and that crying helps me feel better…and she usually pats me on the cheek and gives me a hug. (My kid with intellectual disabilities has a HUGE, empathetic heart. <3)
    Basically, I remind myself that we have a roof over our head, food in the pantry, and if our clothes come from Goodwill, at least we have clothing. As for me, I've learned that I'm stronger (emotionally and mentally) and more resourceful than I ever thought possible. Even when I feel that I can't do it another minute, I look at her face and know that not only CAN I do it...but I MUST do it...and with a smile and a gentle word. And I do.
    One more way she's made me a better human.
    I love that kid.

  20. Me. Still there. We’re in foreclosure but as far as our son knows we’re looking for a new place to live because it’ll be fun! And we want something smaller! Something that’ll be easier for mommy to take care of when daddy gets his hip replacement! And we waited to tell him until I could hold it together and hide my feelings and only be positive.

  21. I haven’t had as big of dips in my marriage and with my kids as a lot of you, but we have dealt with ongoing depression/anxiety in my spouse and I have felt the burden of keeping the family going more on my shoulders than his a lot of the time.I had a very unstable, scary-at-times childhood, so I vowed that no matter what happened once I had kids, I would always keep our home (wherever/whatever that home was) as a safe haven. I wouldn’t speak to my kids like they were adults as my mother did, placing my burdens on them. I would make sure they heard from my lips every single day that I loved them.
    And amen to the pps talking about financial struggles. I feel like my DH and I have already peaked financially in our jobs (we’re 41). We’ve been in the same tiny townhouse for 15 years and it doesn’t seem like that will end anytime soon. BUT. We love each other, we have enough to eat, the children have clothing and shoes. And we have fun together. I think that’s enough.

  22. I am so deeply sorry for each of you living with such objectively Terrible Things. I will believe that peace and rest will show up soon and leave you feeling a bit less lonely.This reminds me to keep my eyes open for the ones I know who are feeling thin and stretched beyond what is reasonable. Surely there are people in my circle who need peace and rest to show up for them too and I wonder how I can be part of delivering that?

  23. I have not been through anything like this, but I do believe I learned from the crisis I went through with Post Partum Anxiety/panic attacks last year. (Also, the comments here remind me of something Oprah once said … all pain is the same. It may come from our experience with a devastating divorce, or abuse, or struggles with mental health, or many other things, but in the end, the pain is the same and we can all lean on each other because of it.)Like Moxie already said, SIMPLIFY. Feeding yourself and your kids, doing a load of laundry on occasion, loving on them and being present with them — these are the important things. (You may add one or two more things, that you feel are essential, but NO MORE.) Everything else can be set aside for now. Only do what MUST be done and free yourself from thinking or worry about anything else.
    Do not allow yourself to think about or worry about anything other than RIGHT NOW. Each hour, each day has enough trouble of it’s own. You will work through those things THEN. Force yourself to stay in the moment. Every time I allow “tomorrow” or “what ifs” to creep into my thoughts, I only experience anxiety and panic attacks and then I’m completely frozen and stuck and can’t do ANYTHING, so I have learned to make myself STOP IT. I can’t tell you how much this has helped me. You will deal with “it” then. NOW you can — load the dishwasher, read a book to your child, go grocery shopping — whatever is in front of you right now.
    Force yourself to get outside every day, whether you feel like it or not. Walk around the block, take your kids to the park, meet a friend for coffee or run an errand. When times are tough it is SO easy to hole up. Getting out for even 15 minutes will help you SO much.
    Feed your body. Protein helps me tremendously, so even if I feel upset and overwhelmed and sick to my stomach, I force myself to eat toast with peanut butter or an egg or a healthy protein bar. I know I won’t be able to deal with my crisis if I haven’t given myself semi-healthy nutrition every day. A good multi-vitamin helps a LOT, too.
    SLEEP. I also don’t handle stressful situations well when I’ve not slept enough. This can be tricky of course, because falling and staying asleep can be next to impossible during very difficult times. Not everyone is comfortable with this, but I take one Unisom when I need to. It doesn’t knock me out, so I personally don’t worry about being home alone with the kids when I’m on it and I know I’ll get at least 4-5 hours of sleep. (I’ve heard Melatonin can help with sleep as well.) Do whatever you can to help your body and mind get the rest it needs.
    Surround yourself, as much as you can, with people who will support you and your children through this. Family, friends, your church if you go to one, people from your school community — whomever you have. Even talking to ONE person about what you’re going through will help you SO much.

  24. I would add to the excellent advice above that you allow yourself to count the tasks suggested about as successes. Doing the laundry and having a clean house? Gold star. Everyone fed? Gold star. If your life really is overwhelming you, set basic self-care as your goal, and pat yourself on the back when you meet it.We praise our kids for doing what they ought to do – we should praise ourselves as well. And when everything is falling apart, doing the basic, simple, everyday things warrants praise. Good for you!

  25. So sorry for what you are going through.I haven’t been through divorce, but I did suffer from a debilitating bout of depression and post-partum depression during the pregnancy/babyhood of my younger son. There were many days I honestly how no clue how to deal. So, as Moxie said, I dropped everything but taking care of the kids (which I actually enjoyed – it was everything else that I hated). We did simple, basically free things that did not require me to leave the house and interact with people (which I couldn’t bear to do) – baked a lot of cookies, read a lot of books, built a lot of forts out of blankets and chairs. I found solace in their happiness. I would rock my infant son at night and sob at how much I loved him and how much I hated the non-child aspects of my life and it was cathartic.
    I have long standing issues with anxiety and insomnia and in general, have a hard time turning my brain “off”. I craved a way to escape my problems – at least temporarily. So I joined the library and started devouring engrossing fiction after the kids were asleep – it was one of the only ways that I could stop thinking about my situation and I found the couple of hours immersed in someone else’s life and ignoring mine very helpful.

  26. Reading your column and all these responses has made me feel so much better and able to deal with my situation. Thank you!

  27. What great advice. I would also encourage to ask for help and form a team around of anyone who can help. A pastor, friend, or family member.During my dark days, I reached out for help despite having to swallow some pride. And it helped. It helped me not feel alone and eased my burden. I felt that I could get to the “next right thing.”
    How many times do we tell people, “Let me know if you need something”? I personally despise that phrase… I’d rather just assume that they do need something and do what I can to help rather than wait to be asked…. BUT people mean it! People really, truly want to help. It makes us feel good about ourselves when we can help someone. SO – I would ask for it! Ask for the help you need to get through the day.
    Thoughts and prayers to you, A.

  28. Goodness…reading everybody’s comments here is making me feel *so* much better about coping with the not-so-great things in my life. AmyInMotown’s comment, especially. And ACJ, what a ray of sunshine your comment is! Even though I’ve got crap of my own to deal with, I can keep my eyes open for others who need a kind word, too. I can do that much.

  29. I am fortunate enough not to have been there (so far), but I am the daughter of an amazing mother who was there for many years. She left my alcoholic, mentally ill father when I was a baby, and I shudder to think what our lives would have been like had they stayed together.One Christmas, I told my mom that I wanted to give my toys to the poor kids, having no idea that I was one of them (we were on welfare at the time). I didn’t feel deprived. Mom always gave me love and attention and let me snuggle with her in bed.
    Today, I am a proud mother of two with an incredible husband, a master’s degree, and a rewarding career that I look forward to returning to when my girls are older. I’m proof that a person can turn out just fine even when the circumstances are less than ideal.

  30. I am in the midst of this right now…feeling guilty for all that I cannot give my two young children (while daddy and his soon-to-be new wife – less than 8 months after our divorce – can afford to do everything and give everything…AND lets them indulge in too much tv/computer time..but I digress)..And all that I can give is a stable home and love…that’s it. It feels like not enough most days, and I fear that they will resent me/hate me for it..but it’s all that I have to give.
    I take comfort in your words, for a myriad of reasons, including (despite all of the “things” their father gives them) the time/listening..because he doesn’t. I feel sorry for him for missing out on these great, amazing kids…but I feel worse for them, since he’s a surface person.
    Thank you..
    “…I thought about what my kids really needed. And what it boiled down to was food, water, clothes, a place to live, love, and security. They did not need a perfect magazine mom, who cut their sandwiches into shapes. They didn’t need a mom who went on endless fun outings with them all the time and bought them fun toys. They needed a mom who hugged them a lot, who listened to what they said and paid attention, who took their feelings seriously, who showed them that they were important, and who waited until they were asleep to cry….”

  31. I just read this post the other day thinking, ‘I really hope I don’t have to go through what we went through last year with DH losing his job, and us barely making it.’ What do ya know, husband is losing his job that he’s been at less than a year. Universe, what are you telling us?

  32. @Alice, the universe is just saying this is the not time right now for your DH to be in that job. That is all.We’ve been there with my DH’s jobs, including him losing his job 4 weeks before DS was born. This was not good timing, needless to say. We took a big hit financially that took a while to dig ourselves out of, but in the end he was able to spend the first 4 months of DS’ life fully present with him. It was a huge gift in retrospect.
    I truly do believe that with every bad thing that happens, a door (even a tiny door) is opened for the opportunity for great things to happen. I sincerely hope that this newest change in your lives does open a great big door of opportunity for your family.
    In the meantime, one day at a time. I know that inner voice of worry that attacks your sense of security all too well, and it has no place in determining your future. You will find a way. You will get through. You will even thrive.
    Take care of yourself and hang in there.

  33. Thank you all for your honesty, especially re the money thing, which is a big taboo I think should be broken – it causes so much pain when we can’t speak about it honestly.A, I hope things improve for you soon.
    And Geraldine, thanks for reminding me of the need to count my successes.
    When things were bad and I felt so overwhelmed I was veering into depression, I came up with the idea of a Done (vs. To Do) list. I wrote down everything I’d done that day – edited a client’s brochure, folded two loads of laundry, balanced the checkbook, cooked dinner, read the kid 4 books, taken him to the playground, whatever small or large things i’d accomplished down to diaper changes and getting dressed. Looking at the list, which often went onto a second sheet of my yellow legal pad, made me feel less inefficient, overwhelmed, etc.
    In a similar vein: At one point DH and I wrote down approximate hourly totals per week for everything we had to do, including work, childcare, and keeping the house livable.
    His total was something like 75 hours, which is bad enough – mine was 113, which is obviously unsustainable. He took on some of my load (as much as he could given medical stuff), and we just let other things go. I was still stressed, but it was better, even just knowing that it wasn’t my fault.
    Also, a bit off topic, but: 4x recommended dose of Omega 3s. Reduces my anxiety and overwhelm big time.

  34. Hugs to all of you — I am so impressed by your strength, and thank you for sharing.I really, really hope that I am able to see when someone near me is struggling, and the courage and strength to do something about it.
    And I also echo those who are encouraging anyone who’s struggling to ask for help. It’s not an easy thing to do, believe me I get that. But it’s amazing how people WANT to help, and the helper generally gets as much or more out of it than the one being helped. So if you can, make the effort to reach out, OK?

  35. Going through divorce process. Glass of milk from yesterday came flying out of the fridge this morning (and I probably put it there), let out an f-bomb in front of my two girls. Which wasn’t about spilt milk at all. It was about EVERYTHING we are all going through. I apologized, cleaned it up, and got them out the door. And… I let them ride their bikes to the bus stop, which is such an easy treat, but I almost always say no because I have to wheel them home on my own. But how easy it is to say yes. I think we could do all do it so much more, and not for material things, but for bikes, and picnics inside, and …

  36. My older son was four-and-a-half and my younger one 18 months when my ex and I separated. Around the time of the separation and for maybe a year after it, older boy had many tantrums, younger had some developmental, to-be-expected tantrums, and I had the occasional grief-induced tantrum too (yelling, being short-tempered). Based on material from Lawrence Cohen’s PLAYFUL PARENTING (learned about it from this blog), I taught my kids about the word and the concept of RECONNECTING. That is, we all get mad at each other sometimes and feel that our connectedness gets broken or frayed, but then every single blessed time, we do something to reconnect. A conversation, a hug, a scoop of ice cream together, a walk, reading a book. Any activity will do as long as there is an intention to reconnect with each other and restore the sense of love and gratitude for each other. We even ended up writing a children’s book about a boy having a tantrum and how he and his mom reconnected. I hope to publish it someday….

  37. Like Alice in Wonderland, Laura frighteningly finds herself in a time and place far removed from her quiet Cornish village and it is only after a series of extraordinary and dangerous adventures that she thinks she finds herself back home again.

  38. Trend is often a lot more wise within the countryside than in the towns, possibly even thought Mrs McKenzie. The lady was obviously a physician, and had visit the actual outskirts involving Detroit only to provide the good aged peasants as well as villagers with minimal spend. The girl as well as the woman’s partner ended up the two medical professionals, yet this particular had not halted these people form being just about any much less fashion-conscious than their particular metropolitan friends hanging out inside top-notch golf clubs or perhaps watering holes! Brooches, dresses, jewellery, shoes, Mrs. McKenzie regarded very little at least a fashion professional while you’re on a new buying exercise inside the neighborhood shopping mall. So that as it takes place within the typical chit chat, items as well as goods that women in the area acquired ordered in recent years ended up mentioned for debate. Mrs. McKenzie directed those the following also, along with outstanding as well as precise product reviews, like a well-informed assess of products available in the market.

  39. Rzeczeni, jacy wypatrzyliby sie w dojmujacym polozeniu sposrod chwilowki powinni wiec zaniechac – nie jest owo rozwiazanie ich pasztetow.Zagwozdka w tym, ze Internet w Polsce ma stosunkowo niewiele persony! Wedle najnowszych danych admitancja az do sieci ma zaledwie 50% obejsc pokojowych (na zachodzie – 80%), a jego konsumentami sa w gigantycznej proweniencji przychowek a mlodzi.
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  40. Niemalo pozyczek pozabankowych oprawi sie chocby z uiszczeniem wyplat manipulacyjnych, cen inauguracyjnych badz wyplat w srodku rozpatrzenie morale.Pora pozyczki niewlasnej na stale zadomowil sie juz w nielokalnym pozyczkowym leksykonie.
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    W ciagu wszelkiego takie przypomnienie powinno sie w wiekszosci wypadkow placic – od chwili kilkunastu az do kilkudziesieciu niezlociutkich jednorazowo!
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  41. Jednak… badz w caloksztalcie jest dozwolone tutaj powiadac o niepewnym modusie?W zestawieniu sposrod latami uprzednimi byl owo spory postepy. Obszerny uczestnictwo w glorii kredytow w goldwasserach puder i rzadowy aplikacja „Rodzina na swoim”, ktory poreczal doplaty do kredytow hipotecznych.
    Pozyczki pozabankowe sa opatulone kiepska znakomitoscia. Pragmatycznie nie ma dnia, zeby nie przeczytac w gazetach lub w Necie, ze owego gatunku pozyczki sa kosztownego, poprzetykane przeroznego rodzaju „plataninami”, i w efekcie sa nieslychanie szalencze.
    O pozyczke spolecznosciowa istnieje trudno, bowiem inwestorzy potrzebuja od chwili pozyczkobiorcow pism natomiast ekstraktow sposrod kont bankowych oraz wyrzadzaja nastepstwo niebacznych pytan.
    Chca wobec tego na tych frasunkach zarobic. W jaki modus?
    kredyty chwilówki

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