On the road

I've been thinking about stress and pain and loss lately. Today's selection for the Musical Advent Calendar is the song "La Peregrinacion" by Ariel Ramirez, Argentinian composer, from his piece "Navidad Nuestra," which means "Our Christmas." The whole piece is amazing, but this song, which means "The Journey," is my favorite. I wrote a post about the lyrics almost exactly five years ago, so go read the lyrics (in Spanish and I included an English translation) and listen to the gorgeous harmonies.

I remembered writing that post, but when I found it and read it again in prep for the calendar it shocked me. At the time, I was slowly processing the fact that my marriage couldn't continue, and I was slogging through each day with a 3.5-year-old and a 7-month-old. It was an extraordinarily difficult time for me, when I didn't know who I was anymore or what kind of future I could possibly have. In a lot of ways it felt like I was going to be there forever, just trying to get through each day, unloved and unrealized.

I want you to know that whatever your specific hurt is right now, whether it's the grind of having little children, or a relationships having ended or being in the process of falling apart, or not knowing what your future is, that you are not alone. Many of us have been there, or are there now. We are on the same journey.

This song, for me, was a signpost.

If you've been there in some way, could you leave a signpost here for someone who is still on the rough part of the journey?

52 thoughts on “On the road”

  1. I’m fairly sure–positive, even–that I’ve posted this quote here before, but I’ll share again because it’s a sentiment that’s pretty much held me together for the last very difficult several months: “We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”–Pema Chödrön

  2. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Moxie. It is affirming not only to know that others might be hurting when we are, but also to know when the hurt stops and how good it can feel. At whatever point in life we may currently be, it is a precious gift to have that light shine back from someone else.Happiness to you and everyone else here at A.M.

  3. I think I posted this quote over when we were talking about cancer a couple of months ago, but I find it refreshingly honest about one of the truths of suffering: ‎”. . . there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it.” – C.S. Lewis. It’s a signpost for me, because it liberates me from that sticky-sweet-, reality-denial of those who say “Everything happens for a reason!” There isn’t always a lesson learned, neatly wrapped up. Sometimes the best we can do when the waves are crashing over us is hold our breath and wait until it has passed. Sometimes that really is the best we can do. The waves crash, and then subside, and we find we can pick up and keep swimming.

  4. For most of us, life as a mom of young children just plain sucks.It does get better, one way or another. My way was major doses of Zoloft. It was AWESOME.
    Remember: by whatever means necessary.

  5. My adorable seven month old has poor motor control, can’t hold his head up or sit up,(hypotonia) and he has microcephaly. This after my first little girl was born still, five years ago. In between, my perfectly healthy, challenging, gorgeous, loving three year old. So I am both exceedingly grateful and profoundly disgusted with the universe right now. Life is awfully hard to endure sometimes. But on the other hand, I have many blessings. The NOW is all there is, right?No signposts, unless you count the YIELD sign that should probably become my guide at this point–might as well yield to the forces that be, since I’ve clearly got no control.

  6. The JourneyOne day you finally knew
    what you had to do, and began,
    though the voices around you
    kept shouting
    their bad advice–
    though the whole house
    began to tremble
    and you felt the old tug
    at your ankles.
    “Mend my life!”
    each voice cried.
    But you didn’t stop.
    You knew what you had to do,
    though the wind pried
    with its stiff fingers
    at the very foundations,
    though their melancholy
    was terrible.
    It was already late
    enough, and a wild night,
    and the road full of fallen
    branches and stones.
    But little by little,
    as you left their voices behind,
    the stars began to burn
    through the sheets of clouds,
    and there was a new voice
    which you slowly
    recognized as your own,
    that kept you company
    as you strode deeper and deeper
    into the world,
    determined to do
    the only thing you could do–
    determined to save
    the only life you could save.
    Mary Oliver

  7. Thank you for this, Moxie. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, this sleep thing has got me going a bit mental again. I went to my Christmas party last night (I;m still off on mat leave), and 2 colleagues with younger babies have STTNers. And they look at me with pity and a bit of craziness when I tell them my 14-month-old is up at least once–if not 3 times–and has to be boobed back to sleep.I didn’t even mention the cosleeping. I felt like a freak! Just when I was starting to make my peace with it. Ugh.
    On the upside, even though baby woke up screaming when I came in at 1, and took forever to put back down (no boob as I had wine), she actually woke for the day at 10. There’s an upside to things once in a while!

  8. Thanks Moxie! Just, Thanks. I am struggling with an extreme inability to concentrate due to depression and anxiety. My medication (celexa) has helped enormously with the anxiety attacks-no longer throughout the day but once every couple of months? I’ll take it! But, it has not helped with the fatigue and lack of motivation. But through your post and other’s comments, I realized that while one day I don’t even want to get out of bed, the next day might be a good one.

  9. @Tina-you’re not alone!! Everyone’s different, you know? Even babies and mommies. My DS woke 1-3 times a night until 18 months when I told him no more nursing at night. Oh, how he protested the first couple of nights, but it wasn’t a long, drawn out affair, luckily. He still woke up often, but at least my back started to get a break from less nighttime nursing.Co-sleeping is harder, but maybe a sippy cup of water offered would help you feel like you’re offering something. But even if you or baby is not ready for that, it will happen one day and to hell with those smug moms of STTNers. 😉

  10. This is definitely what I needed to hear today (and probably for the rest of the days this year)…signposts that confirm that I am indeed not lost but just working through the heavy brush trying to get back on the trail again.For me, it happens to be career right now (and thus money and life/lifestyle) where I feel like someone else has taken the reigns and I really need to get them back again. Really.
    Like @Rudyinparis’ quote says, I definitely feel that I’ve been through this cycle before in different areas of my life. I really have to remember that every time in the past I have gotten my self out and through to the other side, and triumphed. I can count on myself. I have proof. It’s amazing how often I can forget that. It’s often hard, and ugly and painful in the actual doing. But if I push through, I can get there.
    I really like the idea of signposts as I can see each of you standing by the side of the road, with your own particular signpost with it’s own particular message, and the road does not seem so dark and lonely anymore. There are even some of you whacking through the brush along side me.

  11. @ Tina – shortstack is 28 months old. First we coslept all together. Then we power-weaned at 14 months because of some meds I needed to take. That went to dad/son cosleeping in one room and me in the other. Now Husband & I take turns co sleeping with him with the other one in the “big bed”.I have quit talking about it to people because the fact that it WORKS FOR US is immaterial to the fact that it seems strange to them. Shrug.

  12. @the milliner: Amen.@Tina – I’m waving from another corner of sleep hell. My DS#1 slept through he night at 8.5 months. But I’m getting my comeuppance now!!!

  13. I have a 4yo, 21mo and 4mo and I am so happy being a mom of small children most of the time and people tell me that it is the happiest time of my life and I AGREE. Sort of. I lvoe them and they are so cute and sweet and cuddly and sometimes I just. want. to. effing. SLEEP. And wake back up when they’re all sleeping all night and in school most of the day and can get themselves in the car and out of the car themselves and my back doesn’t hurt from carrying them. And then I feel guilty for it because I am wishing away their babyhood. Sort of? I feel like when I appreciate it I appreciate it in a melancholy way where I am sad they will grow up and change? I am not making any sense. I am tired. I am happy and not medically depresed and have a good marriage and am so lucky. But holy hell I’m tired.

  14. Oh! And when I mention that I’m looking forward to when they’re a bit older I get the whole “well if anything it gets harder!” thing from people who have teenagers. And I kinda want to punch them in the face.

  15. Oh, it made me so sad for then-you to go back and read that post, knowing what came between then and now. I’m glad the song helped you start to find your way.

  16. My favorite quote for the tough times in life is: “Things always work out well in the end. If things aren’t going well, it is not the end yet.” My college physics professor claimed it was a Brazilian proverb, but he could well have made it up. I don’t care, I love it, because it reminds me to keep slogging.For all of you in sleep hell: it will get better! I actually used to lie to people when they asked how Pumpkin was sleeping, because I got tired of the pretty much useless suggestions. Now I have fun answering “pretty well- she’s usually only up once a night!” to people who ask how Petunia (who is 14 months old) is sleeping, and watching the shock on their faces.
    I also take more pleasure than I should in the fact that one of the kids I know whose parents were soooo smug about how they “taught” her to sleep through the night at 6 months old now have a 3.5 year old who won’t stay in her bed, while I have a 3.5 year old who sleeps through the night most nights. I manage to sound sympathetic when I talk to them (I think), but on the inside, I’m thinking “you’re not so smug NOW, are you????”

  17. Thanks all! You guys always make me feel better. I know we’ll look back on sleep problems as a little blip on the map–and a time when we got to know our babies so well. Just hard to stay focused in the blur of being tired a whole lot.And Moxie, you rock. I love this place. Always a shoulder to lean on or someone to help feel a little better. It’s a rare reprieve in a big sea of bullsh*t. 😉

  18. Two things I have learned:Bad times are not forever. They are a season. You can get through this season.
    Grief is not bottomless. Don’t be afraid of it.

  19. @Tina et al. – My relief at knowing other parents of 14 mo + children that do not sleep through the night is incalculable. Thank you for posting. I also love your second post, Tina. Ditto that.

  20. When I read comments about how difficult or challenging or frustrating or tiring it is having young children, I feel sad and angry. This is not a judgement. I know I should probably stop reading, but I’m always hoping to read about the joy and bliss and pride and utter euphoria of being a parent. I feel so lucky.

  21. @Jaycee- I do find parenting difficult, challenging, frustrating, and tiring. I also find it joyful and blissful and am incredibly proud of my girls. To me, these things are not at all mutually exclusive. The thing is, there are lots of places where it is OK for me to talk about the joy, bliss, and pride. The glory of Moxie is that she gives us a place to talk about the other parts, too.

  22. @cloud. totally. I adore my 5 month old feisty, teething, up-at-least-3 times-a-night, “spirited” girl, but here one can vent without being judged. One can say: “It is/can be/is not tough,” without somebody jumping down your throat. This blog has helped me so much. I was not coping and dreading going to bed every night, but reading this has really helped. I still have really dark moments, but then I come here and everything gets perspective.And, yes, I do love when those smug parents, who once said to you, “What is colic?” and “What do you mean you still feed her in the night?” also are challenged by their perfect babies. Do not get me wrong, I am VERY happy for the non-smug ones, but the smug ones…
    Thank you ladies, thank you Moxie.

  23. This morning we got our Christmas tree, and the music from my childhood is playing, and I’m so unbelievably unhappy. I’m lonely because my parents are both gone and all my grandparents and I live far from any other family and far from my husband’s family. My husband has been overworked for the last 6m and has been bringing work home nights and weekends for I don’t know how long. I have a 6yr old who has adhd and behavioural problems at school. I have a (now) 4yo who’s a typical 4yo psychotic.I feel like there is no end to it. I’ll never stop grieving my parents. I’ll never stop feeling lonely. Christmas is the straw on my back every year.

  24. @ Kelly,I won’t make much of a sign post but you’re not the only one on the painful, lonely road of Christmas.
    Strange but true, I get dreams of being lost and not being able to read the sign-posts in the beginning of December. Sometimes I walk, others I drive, but I’m always lost and it’s always cold.
    My husband is also at work, and at work at home. I’m alone with DD for days and evenings and nights on end. She misses him .
    It’s economic reality. 2010 has been such a year for many of us. @ the Milliner I’m thinking of you. This year is also the coldest start to December in Northern Europe for decades. It’s strange how we all want this ” White Christmas” until it comes.
    My parents and grandparents are gone, too, and surviving relatives are estranged utterly. Yes, I left for self-preservation but I was not wanted for the festive occasions anyway.
    The Christmases of my early childhood, with my father living, were some very fraught times, and I always felt and outsider, but they nevertheless were rooted in a place and there were traditions and not all memories sad or bad.
    But they’re gone, gone, gone. I’ve tried everything in my adult life, from Christmas Perfect magazine style, to ignoring it. More the former than the latter.Until I made a peace with it.
    Now I have a DD, the miracle against hope or expectation, and she’s nearly three. Here due date was December 31, but she was overdue. That actually was the best Christmas I had, utterly focused on life inside.
    Now it’s the challenge of building traditions for her with a past like a burnt out village. In a different country. Actually it’s easier than I expected.
    But I feel sad, and cry, and mourn much at this time too. Accepting it has made it easier.
    The thing about Christmas, and its antecedents here in Europe is that it’s a combination of things. The Christian part was added by the early church to existing holidays and festivities. Like Easter, and Halloween.
    Taking the more recent idealisation from Dickens’ Scrooge to Coca Cola’s jolly Santa and malls open 24 hours out of it, there are two different strains to the tune of Christmas past.
    The Roman Saturnalia in December, the day of the invincible Sun on the 25th and the feast of the Calends on January first is the jollier of the two. Cards, parties, gifts, overspending, good eating, parties all the way. Roman authors on the overspending and overindulgence are very interesting to read, nothing new under the sun.
    The Nordic, Germanic Yule, is much darker and was intricately linked with nature and agriculture.
    As the harvest was done, and the leaves fell and winter loomed around the autumnal equinox the veil thinned and ancestors who’d died were with the rest of the tribe in spirit.
    The tribe gathered to use up the perishable foods and look back and bond tightly, as the most difficult time of the year lay ahead. The deep winter of no fresh foods, and the coldest time when most people died. Spring was a long way away and daylight hours short. The fires, the logs, the food, the togetherness helped prepare.
    At the end the spirits of the ancestors were sent off with fires and fireworks beyond the veil again.
    I grew up in a germanic country, and we had fireworks indeed on New Year and Sauerkraut still too, to symbolise no fresh food. It wasn’t necessarily the jolliest and there was a strong sense of melancholia. Families didn’t get on necessarily but still gathered. Until we didn’t.
    That’s over now, but it helps me not to see Christmas as the bringer of happiness. And to cut myself slack to be have the odd cry or feeling of desolation. Which conversely has made me happier and not stressed.
    ” Have yourself a merry little Christmas” sums up a lot of how I feel at this time.
    I worry and am sad for DD, who’s an only child, without grandparents. There’s so much I would have given her but can’t.
    You don’t in my experience get over missing the loved ones you lost. And you miss them more at Christmas because your wish does not come true.
    It seems that it’s said a lot here lately, but it’s not mutually exclusive. The sadness, and the joy of the season. Be easy on yourself, and let it be.
    I find that foods, making them or importing them, just to appear once a year makes for a good feeling and a good way to help DD build her Christmas memories.
    I told you, not a guide post. Sorry.
    T

  25. @Cloud, yes, you said it. This is a safe place for me- I didn’t know that this part of motherhood really existed. My boy is lovely, he’s my light. My heart belongs to him. I have really hard days though. I try to bring up the hard parts to my husband and although he is supportive, he doesn’t get it, and you all get it. That’s priceless. When I found Ask Moxie, I started crying reading old posts. It was like, “Oh my goodness, I’m not alone. I’m not alone!”I’m at a bit of a crossroads right now with my husband’s family. I feel like years from now I’ll wonder why I didn’t get off my high horse and go to counseling. I have a lot of boundary issues with them, with preserving my and my son’s cultural identity, with forgiveness.
    Is it stubborn and unkind of me not to think of my inlaws as family? I did like them once and appreciated their kindness to me, but I’m beginning to think that there’s a “family card,” people use when they behave badly. “But you’re family! I’m allowed to violate your boundaries and tell you what to do. But you’re family, your son belongs to me too.”
    The signpost I’d like to share is the crossroads sign! And Robert Frost’s poem, “Two roads diverged in a wood and I–
    I took the one less traveled by
    and that has made all the difference.”

  26. @Jaycee, I can speak only for myself, but the times I need this site most is when things aren’t going well. When my son is being a joy (which is most of the time) I don’t need someone to hold my hand and remind me that this is a phase and will pass someday. I think by the very nature of this being a site where parents come to find solutions to difficult problems or at least find solidarity when those problems have no solution skews the comments more towards the negative aspects of parenthood. Again, speaking only for myself, I also don’t feel it is necessarily appropriate, when a discussion is going on about a problem, to jump in saying ” that’s so funny, we’ve NEVER had trouble with that, my kid just love to share and he’s taught me so much about true generosity of spirit.” So I tend to keep the more positive parts of parenting to myself on this site.

  27. @Lumberjack – it’s too bad you don’t live in Seattle. You seem to articulate how I’m feeling quite often.And I also come here when things are rough, and it’s nice to see that there are people who care deeply about their children and parenting well, but also get that it’s hard and unpleasant at times.

  28. @Wilhelmina, BIG HUGS for you, especially now, at this time of year. And you can bet that if you lived on this side of the pond in our neck of the woods we’d be inviting you and your family over on Xmas eve to start our own little tradition.@wealhtheow, ITA with your assessment as to why the comments here can seem to skew to the seemingly negative. Add me to the list of those who find solace and encouragement here.

  29. Here’s one by author Gerald G. May from The Wisdom of Wilderness:”Love is the pervading passion of all things that draws diversity into oneness, that knows and pleads for union, that aches for goodness and beauty, that suffers loss and destruction. Love is the Power that births and grieves, the laughter that fills the heavens, the tears that water the earth. Love is the energy that fuels, fills, and embraces everything everywhere. And there is no end to it, ever.”

  30. Not a signpost, but an experience of things getting better:7 months ago I was pregnant with a challenging three year old and my husband had just left me suddenly for a new relationship. I knew intellectually that things would get better, but felt sure that better would never be as good as before. That I would always be sad and grieving over my broken life.
    Now I have a sweet tempered baby, a calming-down four year old, a body that is no longer in pain and a positive co-parenting situation. I was recently disoriented to find that I’m happier and more peaceful now than I’ve been in years. Yes, life is really hard, but a big cloud is gone that I never even noticed when it was here.

  31. The only signpost I can think of right now is “Things will look better in the morning”.We’re in a rough patch here too. Baby won’t STTN (almost 11 months and never has) and currently refuses to take naps. Yup, NO NAPS. And I’m about to return to work for a job I hate and hubby has promised to stay home with the Hedgehog but he still hasn’t finalized his exit plan at work (I think either they don’t take him seriously, or he’s waffling, or both) and I need to figure out the daycare situation just in case but I’ve been on waiting lists since I was pregnant and the only bite has been a place far from home which would be a huge PITA to get to since I also don’t have a car and transit is terrible in this city. Not to mention we can’t even afford it because despite my husband working ALL THE TIME he makes hardly any money (commission – and he hasn’t been paid in a month, and it’s not retroactive when he does get paid). To top it off he’s so exhausted when he comes home from work he can hardly deal with the baby.
    We both have elderly parents who cannot help as they can barely care for themselves, as well as we both have disabled siblings that they are busy with.
    And I feel like I’m expected to be a Domestic Goddess since I’m on mat leave.
    These are truly dark days. Thank god for this site, and you people. Because of it, I don’t feel so alone.

  32. There is a song by a group called Plumb called “Hang on”. The lyrics in the chorus always seem to fit for me in situations like this.Hang on when the water is rising
    Hang on when the waves are crashing
    Hang on, just don’t ever let go
    Hang on when you’re barely breathing
    Hang on while your heart’s still beating
    Hang on, just don’t ever let go

  33. @Jaycee, yes, WRT what others have said about coming here (to this site) in times of need and trouble. But also, honestly, having a young child is not (on average) the high point of my parenting experiences. Speaking as a stepparent to now adult stepkids and a parent to a (now) preschooler, I can say that for me there’s more joy and bliss and pride and utter euphoria of being a parent to kids older (than preschool) and less (on average) of that with the 4-and-under set. But I too feel very lucky, not least for having some sense (from my experiences with my stepkids) of what joy lies ahead. And there’s plenty of joy in the here-and-now too and I’ll go comment on that in the post Moxie put up after this one.

  34. @ARC, Ohhh yes, I would love to meet like minded mamas! I live in Alaska so Seattle is actually the closest big American city. We visited earlier this year and the parents we saw, at least downtown, were different than what we’re used to seeing. A lot of dads wearing babies, older parents, a lot of doting on our baby from strangers- lovely city you live in!

  35. I have reached such a low point with my three-year old. I see myself turning into my father as my daughter cries and asks for Daddy – it feels like she hates me. What child hates her mother and prefers her father?? She and I fight nonstop. How do you FIGHT with a 3yo? I don’t even know how to explain this to people. I feel like I’m drowning and suffocating and I brought this all on myself. Why did I have children if I am SO BAD AT PARENTING?My 4.5 month old has some kind of food allergy and is covered head-to-toe in rashy eczema. He’s up every 3 hours. I have cut dairy, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, shellfish and seafood out of my diet, at the allergist’s request. I feel like my whole life is collapsing simply because I can’t rise to the occasion.
    I am miserable.

  36. @Johanna- it is totally possible to fight with a 3 yo! I’ve even lost on occasion, which is particularly humbling.I hope you don’t mind if I say this: I suspect you’re fighting with your 3 yo because you are too sleep deprived to be more patient and figure out a better plan. Can you get some help at night and get a little more sleep? Or during the day so you can nap?
    Once you get enough sleep to feel human again, maybe you can figure out which battles with your 3 yo really need to be fought and which can be handled some other way.
    Big hugs. This is a heck of a lot to expect yourself to be able to handle gracefully. Cut yourself some slack. Your 3 yo. loves you and you love her. This is just a phase and you’ll get through it.

  37. @ Johanna,I agree with everything that @ Cloud said, and yes, Big hugs from me too. You’re not at all bad at parenting. You’ve hit a very rough phase, but you’re the best parent there could be for your children.
    Sure you can fight with a three year old. And when you’re not getting any sleep, are having to eat a diet that does your head in and are desperately worried about your little baby covered in eczema you cannot expect to be at your best herding your cats, I mean parenting your toddler.
    Please do get some rest it will help enormously. You need more rest.
    I’m not a doctor AT ALL, but my daughter, now one month shy of three, has had severe eczema from birth. She also has severe allergies to dairy, eggs, peanut and members of the bell pepper family.
    It is true that food allergies do affect eczema. I found that she had immediate and life threatening reactions to eating allergens, but also eczema flare ups if I ate them when I fed her or when the quantity of protein was too low to cause an immediate reaction.
    But eczema needs treatment by itself. Once I took my daughter to a paediatric dermatologist her eczema got under control when she was 8 months and it’s stayed under control but needs continuous care and treatment by itself.
    Mercifully she’s not had any allergic reaction this year. But the eczema has not gone away. And still flares.
    A dermatologist can also patch-test your baby to see what the allergens are, if any.
    I’m not a nutritionist either but cutting out so many foods at once can be hazardous. Eggs are a big allergen for eczema sufferers too. I found that eliminating all dairy and eggs and peanuts worked for me, but that was after my daughter was tested.
    I’m not saying don’t listen to your allergist, but I would say to get help for the eczema. Because honestly, avoiding all allergens does not cure eczema. Allergens complicate and worsen eczema but there is more to eczema.
    I’m sorry about the soap box, and I don’t mean to rant at you when you’re so at the end of your rope, but eczema is often under-treated.Many people believe it’s all down to allergens and it’s not.
    Once it’s under control you may well find that your baby sleeps much better too. I hope sharing my experience helps a bit.
    Hugs again!

  38. @Cloud and @Wilhemina: Thanks so much to both of you. The first order of business is more sleep, definitely. Today we are trying him on Nutramigen (we thought previously that he might be allergic to it) again so if that works, my husband can do a couple overnight feedings.As for the eczema, we know that he’s allergic to dairy but suspect there might be other foods, too, thus the super restricted diet. We are definitely treating the eczema itself, though, with long soaks in the tub, VaniCream, Desonide and the occasional Hydrocortisone. It really does seem to be getting better. I’m hoping that if we can get the baby’s issues under control then my daughter’s mood will improve because the entire mood of the house will improve, not least of all my own. I know that I have been just as much of a beast as she has.
    Anyhow, thanks again. It helps so much to have these words of encouragement.

  39. @Johanna, I really hope the formula works this time! If it doesn’t, though, your husband can still help in the middle of the night. When my babies were young- particularly during the god-awful 6-11 month phase- I pumped before bed so that my husband could give a bottle. It was totally worth the hassle. I personally need about 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep to feel human, and that bottle was a sanity saver. It will take a few days for your body to adjust to your request for milk at the new time, but you’ll get there.And no matter what- he’ll sleep eventually. It WILL start to get better. Hang on!

  40. Your question made me do some raereasch. We were told to wait until after she was 1yo, but only for a choking hazard reason. My 3yo was 18m when she first had peanut butter (for other health reasons). My 15mo has had peanut butter already, no problems. Her doctor said it was fine.However, I will give you these two sites I found that say they shouldn’t have it until they’re three years old because of a risk of allergy. -The 2nd one actually says that the American Academy of Pediatrics is the one that recommends the older age range.Good luck!

  41. dotors say not to give PB to them till they are at least a year old and also no honey till at least two. every doctor i have teakld to says the same to me.Plus i am on wic it is a program where they give you checks for food like milk, cheese, cereal, farmula, jucie, PB, eggs and so on. this program aslo gives them regular check ups for iron and such but they have also recomended the same age frame for those foods.

  42. I gave my daughter penaut butter at 1 yr old i felt like my daughter could handle it i gave her a pb j sandwich i cut it into little bites and gave her a big cup of milk to go with it. she was fine. my doctor told me 3 years old for crackers any types of foods other than fingers foods(my daughter would grab stuff off my plate or pulle my hands towards her and take bites off my sandwich,burger)

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