Good news from a long-time friend!

A lot of you know Sharon Silver, who has been a reader and commenter here for years, and who I sometimes ask to either write a post or to comment on a question. She's a speaker and an actual expert (as opposed to, say, me) on child emotional development.

She's also the best resource I've found on parenting kids who are 2 and 3 and 4 years old. You know, that age range in which you've read Haim Ginott and Faber and Mazlisch and Lawrence Cohen, and you can feel the connect between those theories and how you want to be parenting your child, but the kid is just simply too young to have the whole "talk about it" method work. Especially when it's stuff like throwing food, throwing tantrums, throwing your keys into the garbage can at a big-box retailer I no longer go to, etc. So you feel like there's this parent you *could* be, but that doesn't connect with the frustrated, white-knuckling parent you often *are* with a kid that age.

Sharon has concrete actual ideas about what to say, how to say it, and what to do to change your interactions with your kids at that age into positive ones. She emphasizes strengthening your relationship and providing firm boundaries.



It's called Stop Reacting and Start Responding: 108 Ways to Discipline Consciously and Become the Parent You Want To Be, which sums it all up nicely.

I've only read the first 10 pages because I've been swamped at work, so a full review is forthcoming, but I love what I've read so far. It's just Sharon: no BS, and she assumes you're a good parent who just needs some concrete techniques that work. It's written in short sections that cover specific topics, so you don't have to read the whole thing before you can start using it.

It's a perfect gift for yourself or for anyone else you know who has or will have a preschooler. So please go over to her new book site at and buy a hard copy (US$12.95–cheap!) or the E-book (US$9.95–super-cheap!) and/or congratulate her.

I'll read the whole thing while I'm at my parents' this weekend, so I'll put up a full review. And you might even get an extra bonus review from my mother. Heh.

I am just thrilled that Sharon has a book out after all of the caring, thoughtful work she's been doing for parents for years. Yay!

50 thoughts on “Good news from a long-time friend!”

  1. Wonderful! I’m looking forward to reading it. My almost-three-year-old is breaking me, I tell you, and I haven’t got the physical strength to back up my word (ie, walk him through things, make him do things hand-over-hand).

  2. Cool! I’d love to have it, but will it be available on Amazon soon? I have free Prime shipping and prefer to buy my books that way, or on Kindle. I just went and looked and it’s not on Amazon currently.

  3. This is fantastic! I’ll definitely put it on my reading list for 2011. And I’ll read it quickly, before my 3.5 year old finally succeeds at driving me over the edge. 🙂

  4. Congrats on the book! I’m relatively new here and don’t quite know people yet, but from the looks of it you sound like an expert Id love to read. Yay! Best of luck to you.(And the timing for me is fabulous, having spent 2 days yelling and feeling guilty about yelling at the 14-month-old, who decided to hell with naps and swapped that for being awake from midnight till 2… patience, patience, patience…)

  5. Congratulations, Sharon! I’ve been feeling at my wit’s-end about my toddler (he bit his father this weekend) & thinking I should head over to Proactive Parenting & sign up for a seminar. I’ve always really loved Sharon’s advice here. I’ll definitely be buying this book!

  6. The timing on this couldn’t have been more perfect, thanks for mentioning it Moxie.I just asked my husband last night if he would read a parenting book. He is such a drill sargeant with our 3 1/2 year old and it drives me nuts. He agreed so I’ve downloaded it and am looking forward to reading it WITH him.

  7. I just got home.First, thank you to Moxie for your lovely words! And thanks to all of you for the warm wishes.
    A couple of things.
    Sarah S., so sorry you saw our newsletter as spam. We will, of course, stop sending the newsletter when someone downloads a tip, thanks for that point of view.
    To all of you with slightly older children, 5, 6, 8, 10. The tips in this book work well for you as well. The book is for ages 1-10.
    The tips share a new perspective about the situations you face everyday, the feelings of both parent and child, and another way to handle things. There are tip about siblings, arguing, disrespect, and more. So, those of you with slightly older children, this works very well for you too.
    AND my new blog has a holiday wish for all of you, and for humanity. I hope you stop by and read it.
    Thank you SO much Moxie. You’re one of the BEST resources a mom could have!
    I hope everyone Has a wonderful holiday season.

  8. Thanks Sharon . It wasn’t so much that you sent me a newsletter, but the format was unreadable in my mail client, so I couldn’t find the opt out link easily, and also you put all the email addresses on the ‘to’ field, which is a privacy concern. I then tried to leave a comment on your website, but that also involved submitting a form with my email address for you to contact me, which at that stage was the opposite of what I wanted. Plus, I never actually received the tips.

  9. Congratulations, Sharon! I have always so enjoyed your commentary here at Moxie’s place. You have such concrete and reasoned suggestions for situations that just make me throw my hands up in exasperation. I can’t wait to read your book.OTOH, I do not think that I have a single friend with whom the gift of an unsolicited parenting book would go over well. Nope, not a one. Perhaps I’ll just stick to getting a copy for myself. 🙂

  10. girdtmom @December 20, 2010 at 11:58 PMI hear you! I’m amazed at how many have purchased the book as gift for friends and relatives. Possibly they’re able to do it because the first books are First Edition Autographed copies and can be given as a special-one-time-gift and not a comment on someones parenting???
    Sarah, Thank you again for you comments. This is a completely new system we’re using, it’s 2 weeks old. I see we have an issue. I’m grateful that you’re sharing. No one else has had this issue, not getting the tips, so I’m concerned. Here’s my email address, let’s continue this off line.

  11. Glad it is for olders, too… I think I’ll nab a copy with my Xmas money.I have developed a nice reputation for giving people ‘useful books’ – to the point that nobody takes it personally at all, that I can tell. At this point the babyshower commentary from the assembled friends is ‘OOH, you got Hedra’s Bookshelf! Those books ROCK! I really like (whatever book)…’ I figured making it a standard practice would take away any ‘singled out for Help because YOU are going to need it’ feelings. It’s now more like ‘everyone needs help now and then, wa-hoo!’ Heh.
    I admit I was pretty miffed when my childless sister sent me a stack of books when I was pregnant with my first, but I got over it. Especially since she sent me How to Talk (plus some others). My little brother was a little taken aback at the bookshelf set, but then said ‘huh, you know, I think she just wants us to be the best parents we can be’ – plus it means I am not always offering them advice directly – I know they’ve got the books.

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  16. sharon seo – Heather and Jon~ thank you so much for the beautiful pitruces! Bo and I adore all our amazing photos!!! you guys are truly an inspriation! we are so excited for our wedding day!!!

  17. Liz Arcus this is one of my favourite wendidgs of yours Benji ! i know it was a challenging day for everyone but it looks so beautiful . Oh, my goodness and all the attention to detail Sharon has put into the day, wow! a great wedding, beautifully captured Ben

  18. David, Sharon, The reason I write is 2 fold: Firstly a frneid passed on David’s blog after the end of May Thames Turbo Triathlon to encourage me to sign up for the one at the end of Aug It worked & I am in! It looked like the conditions were terrrible on that day but David, you did brilliantly to finish in around 1hr 20secs & your run times are superb (unfortunately my weakest discipline of the 3). How’s your training going for the one in Aug? Secondly I did my first BPTT last weekend in training for the Hampton Pool triathlon on Aug 27th & realised I finished 2 people ahead of you Sharon well done on your new PB. What a great event & so well organised too.Good luck for Aug 27th if you are both taking part.Matthew

  19. Janice Gindel – Carol, you must be on Cloud 9!!! Your grandchildren are soloooo precious, the pics are outstanding!! Love the one of Baby Jack smiling while his Dad is holding him & Casey kissing Jack!! Love them all, sending lots of love & congrats to you & Jr., and Phil & Meg!! Dave & I are so happy for you, God bless!!

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