Second verse

Having a second child can suck, no?

I mean, let's all assume the disclaimer that we love our children and would give our lives for them, and are thrilled to have been able to have a first child and a second and more if we have them, and we wouldn't trade them for $50 billion or all the uninterrupted reading time in the world. And to all those of you still in the struggle to have your second (or first, or third, or fourth, or wherever you're stuck) child, we wish there was a way we could make it all happen painlessly and easily and for free and with no emotional stress for you and RIGHT NOW. So no one here is being ungrateful, and we wanted this child.


It's hard. The dividing of the energy and awareness. The two conflicting needs. The knowing what's coming next and just wishing you could either fast-forward to it or through it. The insecurity of having felt like you were finally figuring out how to parent #1 and then #2 comes along and is an Entirely Different Person and you're, in a lot of ways, at square one all over again.

And you just feel bone-tired all the time, and cranky, and incompetent. It's like being in a snowglobe that's just been shaken violently.

I'm hoping that those of us who've survived the first year of having more than one child can give some support and perspective to those of you still in it. I'll start:

Consistency is for suckers. Your second child is not your first child, and the sooner you can connect with that and make decisions based on that, the better it will be for everyone. My first child was a Tension Increaser, so I couldn't let him cry for even 30 seconds or he'd escalate for hours and never fall asleep. My second child needed to cry to release enough tension to fall asleep. I struggled with letting him cry for weeks before I gave in to letting him create his own white noise, and then sleep became so much easier for all of us. If I'd really connected with the idea that they could be so different, I'd have saved a lot of struggle. Giving each of your kids what they *need* is good parenting. As long as you're not actually favoring one over the other, you don't have to make things equal or do things the same way you did with your first.

This isn't the rest of your life. Wow. I can still remember waking up in the morning and thinking, "How am I going to do this for the rest of my life??" Well, it's not. Even though the days all seem the same right now, at a certain point you'll find yourself being annoyed that your kids can't agree on which DVR'd episode of Phineas & Ferb to watch together. And that will, honestly, be the worst thing that happens to you in a four-hour stretch. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes kids are jerks. Yes, the precious, rainbow-pooping lights of your life, but jerks nonetheless. Kids are little teeny people, and people all act like jerks, intentionally or not, every once in awhile. It's ok to be in touch with the fact that your kid's not doing you any favors. And, I'd argue, it's really really ok to let kids who are old enough to process it know when they've hurt your feelings.

You're not the only one. Remember when you had your first kid, and people kept saying things like "Treasure these precious moments" and you felt like a horrible monster because it was so hard, and then you met just one person who was willing to say "Of course I love my baby but this is way worse than I thought it would be"? Well, yeah. This was way worse than I thought it would be. (But then it got way better.)

FWIW, I felt like things got sharply better when my younger one was about 11 months old.

Now, anyone else out there who feels like they're mostly on the other side of the shock of having a sibling for your first one? What do you have for parents still in the trenches? At what point did it get better?

110 thoughts on “Second verse”

  1. Thank you for this post today Moxie!! I am in the thick of feeling hopeless about life with two (my youngest is 4 mos, oldest is 2) and I really need these constant reminders that the state of sleeplessness chaos that is our life right now is temporary.

  2. No advice, just trying to suck it up–Little Girl is 8.5 mo, is creeping quickly and lots of trouble (at least more trouble at this age than her brother, who wasn’t interested in mobility until 10-11 mo). Her daytime sleep is great (first’s was awful), but nighttime is hungry time (he slept a bit better).Yes to the crankiness, perpetual exhaustion. Yes to the guilt: when I spend time with #1, I feel badly I’m not spending as much time with #2 and vice versa. Did anyone feel intense anxiety at random times during the day when engrossed in activity with one child, like OHMYGOD–WHERE IS THE OTHER KID? I still have those, but they’re rare now, it’s a relief not to feel that 5 times a day.
    Luckily, #1 (at 3.25 yo) is resilient and very bookish (ie: we don’t have to run around constantly to amuse him) and #2 is extremely easygoing in personality. Besides a few brief episodes of jealousy, it has been calm on the sibling rivalry front (I know it won’t last long!) since #1 mainly ignored #2. Lately, he gives her the sweetest goodnight kisses (her eyes read pure terror or bafflement, I’m not sure which), the sight of which makes my heart melt. And then I go back to wishing I could nap for a month.

  3. I’d love to know at what point it gets better. My older son loves having a baby brother, and I’m crazy about both of them, but it’s very difficult for me feeling like I’m pulled in two (sometimes more!) directions at once.

  4. This is SO timely. I’m really struggling right now (older son is 3, younger son is 3 months).I think some of it was expectations…since I’d done the baby thing before that it would be significantly easier the second time around. And it is, in certain ways, but the hard parts are even harder!

  5. My daughter, the spirited-and-poor-sleeper one, is now 3 years old. My son, the second child, is almost 10 months old. And I bid you good day from the other side!I didn’t realize I’d feel like I’m on the other side, so soon, but here I am. Waving you all on over. Promising things will get MUCH better soon–for most of you, at least! And I’ve been on this side since the baby was about 8 months old.
    I am often expressing how difficult this parenting thing is. But right now, I’m going to go on and on (as I tend to do) about how wonderful this being a parent of two children is. I LOVE IT! I love being a mom to two children. I love having my two kids with me, doing things with them, playing with them. Heck, last night I told my husband that I love doing their laundry! Sorting their little clothes and even checking for stains! This, from the woman who was so depressed last year while pregnant that I didn’t know how I would possibly manage with two kids!
    So think of me, if you are depressed or worried or anxious or whatever. PLEASE get some help to get you through whatever you are going through. There is a good chance that once you’ve gotten help and once you are on the other side, you will be as happy, amazed and thrilled with having two kids as I am. (Yes, this really is me writing this. And I don’t think I’ve been possessed or taken over by aliens.)
    Things that have helped get me to the other side:
    -Like Moxie said, my second is SO different from my first. A little controlled crying sleep training was what he needed to start sleeping better after the 6 month mark.
    -Once the baby started crawling, things have been much easier for me to handle the two by myself. I can put him on the floor in a child-safe room, and I don’t have to worry about him much because he generally goes where he wants and can do what he wants.
    -And the best part about having two? Even though the second doesn’t get as much attention from me and hubby as the first child did, the second also gets the attention of the first. In fact, my daughter loves to entertain my son, and he LOVES to watch his sister. It’s so much easier to me, having them entertain each other instead of it having to be mommy mommy mommy all the time!

  6. Great post! I feel like with a 10 month old and a 2 1/2 year old I am just on the precipace of it getting easier, but WOW has it been an intense year! In addition to sleep and just the magnitude of demand, now that the little one is mobile it seems like never ending conflict over stuff.One question I’d love to hear others experience with is – how can you nuture a positive relationship btwn siblings? I find myself so frustrated and upset when my son is rough/mad at/hostile towards his sister. I understand that he’s had to adjust to a lot and they are only 20months apart so it’s a little intense, but geez, I really want him to love her and sometimes I’m not sure we’re going to get there.
    Any thoughts?

  7. Oh Mox, you’ve done it again. I am 5 months pregnant with #2 – Baby Girl is 14 months old. They will be 19 months apart. This was not planned (but very much wanted, I love my baby, what a precious gift, blah blah blah, vomit). Baby #2 is due the first day of high school football season. Husband is a high school football coach. I am alone – ALONEALONEALONE – for 4 consecutive months. Closest family is 90 miles away. Friends are few and far between. I am a working career-minded mom. Who has time for friends?HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS?
    I’ll never be able to afford 2 in daycare, we’ll never be able to live on one salary. I want to know how to physically survive this. Grocery shopping, showering, for cripe’s sake going to the damn bathroom, doctor’s appointments, laundry? How do you even do laundry? Do you velcro the older one to the walls while you strap the younger one in a swing?
    I fear drowning… My mantra is breathe. I am not the first, I am not the last, and time passes quickly. The sun still rises every day right? Right?

  8. @Meghan: I actually think a lot of it might be age. I have noticed a dramatic difference in my daughter’s development since right about when she turned 3. She seems to have a great ability for understanding all sorts of things, from empathy to scheduling.But we did do some things to encourage the sibling bond:
    -We’ve had a dog and cat since before my daughter was born, and we’ve been teaching her since birth to be gentle and careful with them. We transferred that to the baby brother.
    -Although I can let them play together, they still require pretty much constant oversight (or over-listening). I’m often running interference on who had what toy and making sure the 3 yo doesn’t hug too hard or pull the baby down when he’s trying to crawl away.
    -We’ve been discussing the need for “space” but I don’t think she truly understood the concept until her recent developmental spurt.
    -We are often pointing the things that the baby can’t have or can’t do, and playing up all the things she can do and have.
    -We are sure to keep her toys from the baby if she really doesn’t want to share. If it’s a baby-approriate toy, we encourage her to share because she also likes to play with his toys. But if she really doesn’t want to, she does not have to share. (Our peditrician suggested having a special toy or area for her toys that is off-limits to the baby, but we haven’t needed that just yet.)
    -I highly recommend the use of baby dolls and/or stuffed animals for the older sibling to play with while you are taking care of the baby. With continued encouragement, my daughter plays with her dolls in all the same ways as we take care of her brother. So if I have to put the baby to bed, she wants to put her doll to bed and that keeps her out of my hair when I need to concentrate on the baby.
    I will add here, though, that I feel this is one area where we have (so far) lucked out. Sure we did things to help, but (so far) the adjustment to being a sibling has gone pretty well.

  9. Thank you for this post. Whew. I think I’m getting to that point. Almost. I think the nice weather this weekend is helping. (#2 is 2 weeks shy of his first birthday. #1 is 3 1/2.) But then we have a night like last night, where baby is screaming intermittently from 2:30am till 7am when we get up and I feel like I’m back at square one.For me, one of the hardest thing to accept about the last year (really, the last year and nine months–pregnancy #2 was no picnic) is that, though I always thought I wanted 3 kids, I cannot go through pregnancy and newborn-stage again. I cannot imagine putting myself through it again. And that makes me sad and makes me ask myself lots of follow-up questions about choices I’ve made and priorities I seem to have.
    On the other hand, this morning in the car, both kids had little egg-shaped shakers in their hands, and they were shaking them together and watching each other and laughing so hard and it was the best thing I’ve ever seen.

  10. I started reading this blog because I thought it provided helpful parenting tips, but I feel like lately it has just devolved into constant negativity. What exactly did you expect parenting to be? Granted, I’m only on baby #1 (1 year old), but it’s fantastic and I LOVE being a mother (I don’t even mind the middle of the night wakings, which are still happening), and I never felt like a “horrible monster.” It’s not all sunshine and daisies, and I’m not denying that a lot of women have a difficult time adjusting to parenthood, but please stop trying to paint us all with such a broad brush. If you don’t have children yet and are reading this blog, don’t believe everything you read!

  11. @MerrilyNJ, I remember feeling just the same way! The logistics of having two really threw me into a fuzzy terror. I think I remember even asking here about what the best process was to get them into the car–which one first? (Short answer: whichever one is most mobile, get them in and secured first.) The answers do come. You find your stride and your style.I’m definitely on the other side of it–with a 6 and a half year old and a 4 year old. There are still hard moments… almost every night there’s the tussle over who is Mama going to lay with…. and Younger cries and and Eldest is called on, yet again, to be the Mature Big Sister. (I find scheduling special outings with just me and Eldest helps the dynamic tremendously.) I find myself saying, calmly: There is just one of me and there are two of you. I am trying my hardest to make you each happy. Let’s figure this out together.

  12. This might be the best parenting column I have ever read. I really, truly thought we weren’t going to survive with two children (now 3 and 1), but now, everything is OK. My youngest had tremendous colic, and my husband once came home from work at midnight, 2-year old passed out with a blanket on the floor and the baby and me both crying- him screaming and me crying that I had ruined our 2-year old’s life by having another baby. But now, things are pretty smooth. It’s amazingly horrific when you are in those first few months, but it gets better sooner than you think. ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. AG – it’s great that you are so happy and positive all the time. Not all of us are and this is a unique place to come for that support. There are plenty of “mommyblogs” that are all sunshine and daisies, so maybe you’d be better off reading one of those.I like it that people can be honest about the not-so-great aspects of being a parent here. I don’t think Moxie is saying everyone is that way, but those of us who are appreciate having a safe non-judgmental place to vent/get support.

  14. The days where I’m the best with my kids (almost 4 and 7.5 months) is when I don’t try so hard. When I let them lead. It’s so hard to do that, though. Sometimes, there are just things that need to be done and when they don’t cooperate everything seems to fall apart. The thing that saves me is knowing that I can try all over again tomorrow and that the oldest bounces back quickly and as soon as she’s proclaimed me the meanest mommy ever, she’s back to thinking that I’m the best thing ever.The thing that I feel the most guilt over is that I’m enjoying my youngest so much, when I was in a bit of a fog with his sister when she was a baby. It’s not because he’s a “better baby”, but that *I* am better. I feel like she knows…

  15. ARC -I am not “so happy and positive” all the time. I have struggled with depression my entire life and I know that many people have a hard time of it–with life generally, and with kids. I don’t want to minimize that. It just seems like Moxie’s posts are increasingly all about how much it sucks to be a parent. And when I first read her post today, I thought “gee, it’s going to be awful when I have another child” until I remembered that some her posts on how awful parenting an infant can be did not mirror my experience at all and only served to make me anxious about things that never ended up happening for me. You’re right, I should probably just stop reading the blog, but as I said, I did find it helpful for some things when my daughter was younger, and all I was trying to say is that it’s a shame that to get to the helpful things, one has to wade through so much negativity.

  16. There is one big advantage to having #2, (or 3 or 4, etc.) and that is the feeling that you KNOW that this too shall pass. I had a hard time seeing the end of hard periods with my first born and now the perspective that I have based on her development has helped me with my younger two. It also helps with my older child as I can see that she has also matured and developed. So just know that if you wait it out you will be okay. I also realized after having one, that if the babies had to cry for a little bit because I was unavailable, it was not as dire as I once thought it was.

  17. MerrilyNJ:Take whatever help you can get. Remember that what seems big to you is nothing at all to people who are not similarly swamped. I wish there were some sort of lantern people could project into the sky, a la Batman, when they need something but can’t seem to manage it. Take the baby for a walk? Bring you a sack of groceries? No problem!
    Buy whatever help you can, at least for the early months. Drop off laundry at a wash-and-fold laundromat, or hand it over if they offer pickup. Serve easy meals that look nothing like what you believe meals should look like. Get a housecleaner. Have a neighborhood kid play with your older child in the afternoons while you collapse nearby and nurse. Never, ever tell yourself that you have to do something yourself just because other mothers do or because you think you technically could.

  18. I swear Moxie, you have a camera in my brain and in our house. Oldest is 2.5 and youngest is 4.5 months. My son was indifferent when his sister was born, but in the last 2 weeks has become so quiet and sort-of depressed like? It gets worse when he sees that I am holding the baby and it breaks my heart. I am a very active play-partner for my son and now that I can’t do it they way I used to do….modified with baby in arms, it is almost as if he has given up on me and I HATE that feeling.I can’t wait to read the rest of the posts because I am totally living this right now.

  19. Wow, timely, timely. And my initials also happen to be AG, but I don’t use that “handle”! @AG herself, I am thrilled that you are having a great experience. I read this blog for advice as well, but also for the empathy and the relief that I don’t have to put on a brave and shining face all the time. In real life, I am sure most of us appear far more upbeat and positive; perhaps this is just a place to let go of that for many of us.I’m heading for child number two within three weeks and I’m very nervous, so this post and comments are reassuring to me. Currently, my mantra is “at least I’m not nauseous,” since this has been a difficult pregnancy. I’m hoping this mantra will sustain me through the tension and sleeplessness. And caramama, this preg seems to mirror your second(not to mention that my 2.5 year is also sleep-challenged and spirited!)–thank you very much for sharing that things get better.

  20. My youngest daughter is 8 1/2 months old and my oldest daughter turned 3 last week. Life got easier when my youngest learned to crawl. Thankfully, she did so earlier rather than later (~6 1/2 months). For the first time this morning, my oldest got down and asked my youngest “Do you want to play with me?”. That really struck me because it showed how my oldest’s perception and appreciation of my youngest is changing. They now share a room and they are starting to do a lot more together. My oldest is a real wild child and my youngest is so easy-going that she is the perfect match for my demanding 3 year-old. Be prepared for the first 3 months to be the hardest work of your life, but, if it’s any consolation, it’s all such a blur now.The one thing I really resent being told (and by everyone, it seemed) was that the 28 months age difference was “perfect”. There is no perfect age difference. My two was the MOST terrible terrible two year old and adding a newborn halfway through was no walk in the park. No matter what the age difference between the children, there are always going to be advantages and disadvantages.

  21. My mom told me: sometimes they will both cry at the same time. I had a very hard time accepting that. That I couldn’t seamlessly move from one’s needs to the next.And my first child is very intense, and difficult in ways I haven’t quite figured out yet. Having the second, easygoing one, relieves me of the worry that I did or am doing something to make her that way (well, unless it was having her brother when she was 2).
    And right now? They’re laughing sweetly together, having just solved their fight over which Zoboomafoo episode to watch.

  22. Firstly my kids are spaced almost 24 months apart. I find coping came (and went) in waves. My second was great right at the beginning. My first had always been an easy kid and we didn’t have any regressions with him nor did he seem jealous about the new addition. So apart from some sleep issues from 4-6 months with no.2, the first 6 months were relatively easy.It started to get hard when I started introducing solids at 6 months. Hard in that I was constantly having to nourishing someone. The little one was still nursing every hour, the older one wasn’t quite eating what we were, and then the solids themselves for bubs and a meal for us adults. It was exhausting constantly being at the burners.
    I have always said the worst time was actually in the second year for us. No. 2 who had been sleeping thru the night since we sleep trained at 6 months and who went down with minimal fuss, started to wake like 4-8 times a night from 20 months onwards. Falling asleep by herself had now become impossible. The worse time was just before she turned 2 (as she was in her own bed and not contained behind bars) with sometimes up to 8 night visits a night! Then magically at 2 she started to sleep thru again with minimal nightwakings.
    My kids are now 5.25 and 3.25. The 3 y.o. sleeps pretty well now, although we have a developmental thing going on now that makes naps harder. They are great friends. They fight a bit, but in general get along like a house on fire. On rainy days I count my lucky stars. They are great company for each other.

  23. we adopted siblings (6 mos and 18 mos) in November and honestly (looking back) had NO idea what we were getting into! Now, at 11 mos and 23 mos (both May babies), we are just starting to feel a tiny bit on top of it. Having two that totally NEED you all the time is challanging. Finding the balance feels sooo good! We have found that the kids naturally gravitate the parent that’s going to best meet their needs in that moment (or stage). So, we divide and nurture. And collapse on the couch together when the day is done.I love this blog and have been reading for years… as we considered having children, as I miscarried and as we decided to take the adoption road.
    Thank you for being here and keeping it real.

  24. It’s all relative…I had a twins when my oldest was 3. There were days during that first year after the twins were born that I truly didn’t think I would survive. Having horrible PPD didn’t help things much either. The guilt over being unable to be in three places at once was overwhelming. However, now that I am 2 years into parenting 3 children, I can honestly say that it is much, much easier and the majority of our days are wonderful. It started to progressively get easier once the twins turned one. Basically, I have learned to embrace the chaos. There is no way I can ever attain the standards I had when it was just my oldest. Surprisingly, this has made us all much more happy and relaxed.

  25. I don’t know whether to thank you or cry- I’m 6 months along with #2 and #1 is a DREAM KID- he’s 2.5 and just totally the light of my life (cause he sleeps and has all of his teeth, now) and while I’m thrilled at the idea of this new person and learning his personality it terrifies me to know he is not going to be his brother, I know what to do with that one- this one, a whole new ball game- I’m tired just thinking about it.

  26. Oh! I can do this!!I found that it got much easier once number two was more then just a “lump” – in that he was not just a baby that sat around, but a child that could move and play with his brother. Around the time when number 2 was a year old, and number 1 was around 3, I would say, like the others. It got much easier (okay, DIFFERENT) once they were 4 & 2.
    If I can interject, the third is a much easier transition, at least, it has been for me. My boys are 5 & 3, and the baby (a girl! Yay!) is now 4 months, and I feel it’s getting a bit easier already. Except for the sleeping, but we won’t talk about that.
    I remember standing back and watching the 2 boys play together, and being really amazed. It does get better. It really does.
    Oh, and my second? SO different from my first. But a lot like me, I think – I get him. My husband has a harder time understanding his needs and moods, too, which is often amusing to watch!

  27. @AG – I really liked your comment because it reminded me to appreciate that this is a space where vastly differing viewpoints can be shared in such a respectful, intelligent way.I don’t agree at all with your sentiment that Moxie is “trying to paint us us all with such a broad brush” – on the contrary! Most parenting blogs seem to do that – they tend to assume we all want to buy certain products, or if we’re having a bad day, we’re depressed, or that we all believe in the same One True Way or what have you. I hang around with the Moxites because @Moxie is one of the few bloggers who understands and celebrates how life & parenting is never always all positive or all negative, but is painted in shades of grey; it’s a both/and, not an either/or. The discussions here are the most nuanced & thoughtful around. But like capri pants, they are not for everyone at every stage of their life, and that’s ok!
    The recency effect aside, I get why acknowledging the dark underbelly can also be seen as “negativity.” I tend to see it as a positive thing because it is authentic, and it echoes a certain realism (for some) of parents’ lived experiences, and that great ambivalence so many of us face everyday. I appreciate it when folks can feel free enough to shed the “mask of motherhood.” Lord knows I don’t have the balls to do it IRL, hence why I’m here and why I blog.
    There is a fine line, I think, between keeping it real (which I enjoy) and fear-mongering (which I detest). I hope prospective parents are keen enough to be able to listen to someone else’s experience – be it good or bad – and not automatically rush to the assumption that “This is totally going to happen to me!” And I also hope that if the shit never hits the fan at someone’s house, that they count their blessings instead of unfairly labeling someone who has had to live it much differently. I hope that helps a little bit.

  28. I tell people that I can’t have number 2 because I am so spoiled with number one. He’s a very well-behaved baby and I know #2 would be a hellion.. because no 2 babies are alike.

  29. First off, I love this blog and the commenters! No matter if the posts are “negative” or “positive” there’s always some post that I can really relate to and realize I am the only parent with this issue/this behavior/this funk/this whatever.I have two kids 16 months apart and even though it can be challenging, my kids are great playmates. I definitely don’t spend as much one on one time with each of them but they have eachother and I’m ok with that.
    Now we are on to the third. I have no idea how the mix will change but I’m sure this blog will be there to see us to the other side.

  30. Read Hush’s post. She says all that needs to be said.Moxie, I need to hear the things you say before I realize it. You keep me sane in an insane world. Thank you.
    Out sleeplessness is coming from a 3 month old and a spirited and sleepless 2 year old. It gets better.
    I think that having older children to help with the littler ones is a big bridge and huge benefit to having more than 2. Our 11 year old is a gift when nap time comes and 2 year doesn’t want to lay down. She’ll lay in his bed and cuddle him until he sleeps. It keeps him from getting up and making it harder on himself to get to sleep. She’s also a great holder of the baby. She will camp on the couch with a boppy or hold the baby belly to belly while watching tv. It gives a chance to get laundry in or dinner made or. or. anything that needs to be done.
    It’s hard to have 2 little ones.
    It’s so worth it.

  31. I never thought of Moxie as “negative”, though I can see your point, AG. I find it a great place for advice and commiseration, but my experiences are not always the same. In this case, I am 4.5 months into being a mom of 2 (older daughter is 3.25), and can honestly say it has been relatively easy thus far. Granted, I have what is certainly a super easy baby in #2 and do not have any issues with PPD. I’ve definitely had more issues with #1’s adjustment to being a big sister. While she loves the baby, she has a lot of jealousy and is not happy when I am nursing or otherwise focusing on the baby. I’m much more concerned about the coming months and things like sibling rivalry and sharing a room.But those of you who are pregnant or thinking about #2, it’s not necessarily rough going at the beginning. As always, appreciate the broad range of experiences and opinions here.

  32. # 1 turns two later this month. # 2 arrived in emergency c-section, two months ago. Placenta previa. I have mastitis. My back is spasming, so I can barely lift my own feet, let alone the babies. Did I mention I just turned 40 and we have no food in the house? I am in California, and my mom is in NJ. Knuckles are white…just hanging on…

  33. Jessie, I am not trying to convince you, but “no two babies are alike” has felt like one of the biggest myths of the second child, for me. Of course they are both individuals and not exactly alike–but they are way more alike then they are different. When writing up an ad for a mother’s helper for #2, I looked up the old ad I had written for #1 and was shocked to find I had used almost exactly the same language, even down to the part where I wrote about how strangers always ask, “Is s/he always so happy?”That’s not to say it has been all sunshine and rainbows, but mostly having 2 has been manageable: just a lot busier. (#1 is 3, #2 is now 10.5 months. #2 isn’t mobile yet but is much more independent and can sit and play for a long time on her own.) I miss having free time to myself, but know this isn’t forever. I love seeing them interact and be interested in one another. I love that they have more nuclear family to rely upon now.
    I do have a very flexible work-at-home-part-time job, and although the juggling is difficult, I think it’s probably the least of all the available evils, as we can afford to keep sending the older to daycare while I stay home with the younger. If I were home with both at once I would be OK, but it would be a lot harder.
    [I go back and forth about a third. I really want one, as I have two sibs and really enjoyed that. Financially it would be rough, and I’d like to get some kind of a career started again. Sleep is much much better with #2, but I have much less of a “cushion” now, so I’m worried about that as well. My husband doesn’t want a third. But I’m afraid I will regret it forever, and deeply, if we don’t.]

  34. Twins here..I never had the luxury (or the curse) of one child so I am not an expert on the transition but I can tell you that two at a time offers an interesteing perspective: my kids don’t know what it is like to EVER have their every need met all the time. Even as infants, they were both fed when someone got hungry. It is a small thing but somehow they figured out that the needs of the indivual never outweighed the needs of the group. As hard as it is (and holy sh*t. it. is. hard) I find a tremendous comfort in that they are learning a lesson that will serve them well in their future emotional endeavors. The do both know that I meet their needs eventually… Delayed gratification is a tough thing to sell to a three year-old…nonetheless two of them!One last bad cliche- equal is not fair and fair is not equal. No two kids are the same and treating them that way is wrong. Second bit of tough love- you’ll always have a favorite…don’t let people tell you that they don’t. I have a favorite for a while when one kid is being an absolute jerk and then that stage passes and the other child become the “jerk du jour”.

  35. Like others, this place is one where I am comforted by the very fact that everyone’s story is different–and yet we are parents going through something similar everyday. So, for me, the negative stuff actually helps. Where else can moms say that sometimes it sucks being a mom? Thanks for keeping it real, Mox.For me, the second child has been a 180 degree shift. I never thought I’d have two. We swore we were done with #1. There are 4.5 years between my kids and I recognize this is much easier than having an infant and a toddler. Yes, it was starting over, but everything else has been easier the second time around. I joke that my oldest is STILL harder than an infant at times.
    Love, The Other Side (where people sleep at night)

  36. Two is hard. Soooo hard. And then they laugh together and that, after they return to hitting/biting/pushing each other, is the reason I endure.

  37. Leorah, thinking of you. It will get better, I know you know that. Oh, man, hang in there. I’ll be hoping for the very best for you.

  38. Thank you thank you!Your posts always soothe, and I really appreciate the space to be honest about the “underbelly of motherhood”.
    I thought number one was hard (just turned 3) until #2 arrived (6 months ago).
    everyone said “the second one is so much easier” so I had that expectation.
    joke was on me! my second makes my first look like a dream child. ๐Ÿ™‚
    it has been a LONG 6 months, but yesterday they were sunggling together and #1 was reading the baby a book.
    Thanks everyone for the reminder that it gets easier; I am on the mommy hampster wheel right now.

  39. Yes. All I can say is Yes. My first is 3 (today!) and my second is 6 months old (last Friday!) and sometimes I think I’m coping well, and sometimes I think I’m drowning.To whoever asked about nurturing the sibling relationship- get a copy of Siblings without Rivalry. It is excellent. I plan to re-read it until it is permanently ingrained in my consciousness…. OK, maybe not, but it IS full of good ideas and sensible advice.
    @MerrilyNJ- some of the freak out you are experiencing right now is probably the pregnancy hormones. I remember periodic freak outs while pregnant with #2. In a way, it was easier when #2 was on the outside, and I could just deal with the issues that came up instead of fretting about the issues to come. I’m sure I’d still be fretting about the issues to come now if I had the time, so maybe its good that I don’t! Anyway, you will figure it all out.
    I have to come back later when I have more time and read everyone’s comments, because I’m sure there are some words of wisdom in them- there always are.

  40. I completely agree with @Jess; the less I try to accomplish during any given day and the more I let them move along at their own pace, the easier it is for all of us. That isn’t always practical, but it tends to make the days run a little more smoothly.I am just coming out on the other side. Oldest (boy) is 2.75 and youngest (girl) just turned 1. The first 6 months (not counting the first two weeks) were actually easier IMO than the second 6 months, due to the personalities of my kids. #1 has always been pretty easygoing and there wasn’t much jealousy at the beginning because he frankly just wasn’t that interested in his sister. #2 slept like a dream from about 8 weeks until about 6 months. Around 6 months, the sh*t hit the fan. #2’s sleep went in the crapper, I struggled with recurrent blocked ducts and mastitis and #1 finally got jealous when he realized #2 could play with his things and was suddenly getting lots of attention at mealtimes. It was crazy hard breastfeeding all day and making 3 different meals at every mealtime. Honestly, that was probably the toughest part of the first year for me. When #2 started crawling (around 8 mos.), things started looking up. She started sleeping through the night again soon after, and they even started playing together occasionally. Now #2 is almost walking and they are really enjoying each other’s company. When one or the other of them is stuck with just me for more than 30 minutes or so (usually naptimes- I am at home with both all day), they start looking for the other and are ecstatic when the other appears. And things are only looking up; it will be a great day when #2 masters walking. #1 is high energy and likes to run all day long and is just crazy for his sister to be able to chase him.
    So it was easier than I expected at first, then it got harder, and now the pendulum has swung back the other way. There will always be challenges, but it has been so much fun to see them learn to love each other.

  41. I’ve got 3.5 year old and 6 week old daughters. Dd1 was our super high needs, MFPI baby who screamed constantly the whole first 3 months until I eliminated EVERYTHING from my diet.Dd2 is what I like to call “God’s Apology.” She is super mellow, sleeps great (she was 9.5 pounds at birth, so that helped!), and hardly ever cries.
    All the same, when Dd2 does have a crying stint (even if it’s only a few minutes), I can feel the empathy draining away from my body. I am pretty sure I have a PTSD response to infant crying; I just shut down! So I’m pretty thankful for an easy baby.
    I totally resonate with Moxie’s comment about not knowing how to juggle two conflicting needs. I feel like I’m either letting discipline slip away with Dd1, or otherwise being WAY too hard on her. She’s a big kid (45 pounds, 6x clothing) and very verbal; it’s hard to remember she’s ONLY three years old!
    We’re relying on a lot of movies – Netflix has Blue Planet on instant view. Today Dd1 was narrating her lunch with David Attenborough’s accent. LOL.
    I want to shout out for Plancenta Encapsulation. I’m taking mine as a preventative measure for PPD, and when I forget a pill I can literally FEEL the darkness closing in!!

  42. So does this mean I shouldn’t have a second kid? DH and were thinking of trying this summer, but we’re both freaked out by it. We both WOH and adore our DS.

  43. I’m on the other side as well, with a 1-year-old and a 4-year-old (well, mostly on the other side).2nd baby seemed like night and day from my son…she was calmer, seemed to sleep better from the beginning, etc. As she gets older, she’s becoming more like the kid he is…rotten sleeper, never wants to miss a thing, too smart for her own good.
    The thing that was the hardest for me with 2 was the feeling that I couldn’t do it all. I couldn’t be there for each of them in the way I wanted to be (that part gets easier). It really hit home when my DD started crying one day, and my son said, “Mommy will be there in a minute.” How many times a day do I say that?
    BUT. But. There is magic in these days, too.
    They adore eachother (for now, anyway). It has allowed some of the intense focus to come off of our DS, which has been really good for him. He is learning he doesn’t get everything he wants right when he wants it. Not that we would have intentionally spoiled him had he been an only, but it would have been far easier.
    I wouldn’t go back, but I don’t think I would have a 3rd, either. (Chances are I would get a 3rd non-sleeper, and I’m just too old not to get good sleep for that many consecutive years!)

  44. To me, child #2 got easier when:1. I finished breastfeeding him (at 1 year)This gave me the feeling that I had more freedom and could go to girls night or whatever w/o speeding home in a panic to feed the little guy.
    2. My kids started playing together (This probably started happening when the little one was 8 or 9 months and just keeps getting better.)
    I definitely relate to the feeling of attention being divided and just being tired all over again. But now that my older is almost 4 and my younger is almost two, I feel like things are really evening out and becoming fun consistently for us as a family.
    Good luck to everyone who’s just hanging on. It’ll get better!

  45. @L. – I’m glad you say that your two are more similar than different. We’re currently TTC #2 and really looking forward to having another baby. Our daughter has been very easygoing and delightful – we’ve had a really fun year with her – and we tend to joke with friends, “yeah, we know the second one will be totally difficult! Payback for the easy first baby”… I think it’s preemptive as our daughter slept through the night pretty much since about 8 weeks and we haven’t had any trouble with her so friends with more challenging children like to make themselves feel better (I think?!?) by making us scared for the second! So, I’m glad to know that it may not actually be that way!

  46. @Leorah- where in CA are you? If by chance you are in the San Diego area, send me an email at wandsci at gmail dot com, and then click through to my blog and leave me a comment saying you sent me an email (so that I’ll go check that account).I will totally bring you food.
    I am serious. It would be my small way to thank the universe for the awesome support I got from my mother after my C-section.
    Have you seen a doctor about the back spasm? I had that problem, also about 2 months post C-section, and a couple of days of muscle relaxant + some serious doses of ibuprofen made a world of difference. My doc found a muscle relaxant that was safe for nursing (Baclofen, if you’re curious). My theory was that since the C-section knocked out my abs, my back did double duty and it just threw in the towel after a couple of months.
    @Susan- Hubby and I both WOH, too. It is hard, but I am very glad we decided to have a second baby. Getting to see my first be such an awesome big sister is one reason that jumps to mind right now.

  47. You weirdly always have posts that are perfect for me when I’m going through a crappy time.I have a 3yo who is FIGHTING potty training and a 5monthold who sleeps like shit (don’t all babies tho? He’s really a sweety pie otherwise)and I work outside the home. My house is a shambles. We work on the house and yard all day saturdays while passing the kids back and forth and then TRY to relax a little on sundays between visiting with grandparents and staring at the rest of the shitty mess in our house that we don’t want to screw with b/c we want SOME kind of weekend. We always have one baby or kid in our bed and never have sex. Thank god b/c if I got pregnant now I might shoot myself. Kidding. Kind of.
    But I love my kids! Glad it will get easier! And my husband better stop calling the 2nd child the “middle” child or I will BEAT him!

  48. Oh, and @Leorah- if the thought of some random internet stranger delivering the groceries isn’t your thing (or you are nowhere near San Diego!), did you know that Von’s delivers?

  49. OK, apparently I can’t shut up about this today.@Susan, another thing that occurred to me: I actually think that in some ways, being a WOHM was easier than being a SAHM when the second one came, at least for the first few months. Our toddler kept going to day care, and I got three months of intense time with the baby before I went back to work.
    Of course, the downside is that now that I’m back at work, there is less time to go around, but with a truly co-parenting Hubby, that is not so bad. Oh, it is guilt-inducing and I definitely have my moments of being consumed by guilt. But when I look at things rationally, it is not so bad.

  50. @Carmen – You should get the grandparents over to visit with the kids while you and your hubby work on the house or relax! And I love the idea of calling the second one the middle child. It will drive my hubby crazy. I will start doing that as soon as I get home. hehe.

  51. THANK YOU! Perfect timing.(Sorry in advance, I needed to get this off my chest…. Also bad grammar, no time as children crazy. I can’t wait to read all the comments.)
    I have a 3 year 4 month old and an 8 week old. I want to strangle the 3 year old. What happened to her? She is ‘nutso’ I have lost my well behaved child and now have a maniac. My 8 week old has reflux (just like older sister had) and is feeding 1.5-2 hours 24 hours a day, interrupted by blood curdling screaming.
    I feel guilty because I just want to be with my baby and not have anything to do with my older one because I can’t control her (baby seems so much easier the second time around). I know she needs to run around and burn off energy but I’m exhausted and trying to figure out naps for the younger one – he is much better when I can give him a good nap in the morning, which of course is when we need to go out.
    My daughter is on a waitlist for Kindy, but won’t start for some time, I can’t afford childcare (husband just lost job, and i resigned from my crappy night job a little while ago). My daughter is still recovering from chickenpox (she is recovered but still picking off scabs and screaming.) My husband’s family visited for 2 weeks and left a whirlwind and made me feel even worse about everything.
    I am so OVER people telling me the first 6 weeks are the worst and it gets better – that’s crap. It is getting WORSE not better. In fact I thought it was relatively easy the first 6 weeks, at least the baby was only waking 2 x a night.
    My mantra at the moment is ‘No blame, No Credit’ – don’t take the blame for when things go wrong and don’t take the credit for things go right (otherwise I’ll set myself up for trying to ‘recreate’ what worked only to be disappointed when it doesn’t).
    Also I’m so sick of saying to daughter “I’m sorry” “You have to wait” “Go find something to do!” (Which she won’t as she doesn’t like to play by herself, she LOVES people and is all over the baby when he is awake, poor thing.)
    Ok, 2 kids screaming now….

  52. I’m eight months pregnant with #2 and I’m sure I’ll be coming back to this post and comments over and over and over again! I’m not that nervous about having two, but perhaps it’s a bit of denial!! I’m lucky to have a long maternity leave, and my older one will be in some kind of child care so I can focus on the baby during the day. Also I’m a single mom for parts of the week, and the bonus to this (possibly the only bonus!) is that it gives me a chance to work with my toddler on waiting patiently for mommy, that she can’t do everything he wants right away, that she has other things to do. So far, he’s doing well. We’ll see how the transition goes! Mostly I’m just really excited. (Ok, this must be denial, because clearly I’ve forgotten how difficult the first three months can be – those moments of sobbing by the side of the crib WHY WON’T YOU JUST SLEEP?)

  53. PS I don’t know what I’d do without Moxie and this community of parents who listen and comment without judgment to all the stresses, anxieties, fears, and rages of parenthood. Thank GOD there’s a place where we don’t have to pretend to be perfect!

  54. @Leorah- if you are in the West LA/Santa Monica area, contact me at clarkmama at gmail dot com and, like Cloud, would be happy to pay back the universe for all the support I’ve gotten here from Moxie and her site.

  55. I was woefully underprepared for mothering 2. I guess I just sort of thought it would all fall into place but then the evening we came home from the hospital with my son, my husband had to go out and get dinner during which time my 2 year old daughter got her finger caught in her dresser drawer and started screaming. I had just gotten Baby Shark Gums to latch on to me but pulled him off after hearing my daughter scream and pretty soon we were all crying and I thought, “What kind of an idiot thinks this is a good idea?” I was so torn over which kid to comfort and felt so guilty- figuring my mothering instinct auto-pilot must be broken, or WORSE non-existent.Now at 4.5 and 2 I am safely on the other side and have been since my son was 15 months. It may have taken us a little longer since my son was definitely the needier (read:screamier) of the two but we got there, and if WE can get there, I think nearly anyone can. It does feel like a never-ending cycle that first year for many of us but at some point, sometimes without you even noticing, you’re a little bit more free and things do eventually fall into place. A hard-won place, and certainly different from the place you were in before #2 came along, but a good place nonetheless.

  56. We had our second son when our first was 3 1/2. With the older one, we’d finally gotten to a point where life was relatively smooth. We had some autonomy, more flexibilty, we were able to pick up some old hobbies again. When we had our second, we found ourselves firmly back at square one (as expected).I agree with other posters who said that the first 6 months with #2 were easy (so easy that I was almost tempted to try for a 3rd). After 6 months, his sleep pattern changed and things got harder. Now he’s 1 year and sleep is still somewhat funky. He’s a late teether and I think that’s contributing.
    Life isn’t crazy-hard, but with my little one still taking 2 naps a day, I’m feeling house-bound and trapped. Even though the weather hasn’t been great here (Portland, OR), we all do better when we can get outside. And with both our kids, my husband and I have found that our own communication/connection is not as strong during that first year.
    There are still many, many joyful moments. But I know that, in general, things could be easier. I’m not on the other side yet. But I’m hopeful that I’m close. (Please, let me be close!)

  57. For us, better was right around 3 and a bit years old for whoever was youngest. And by that I mean REALLY better. Easing up, breathing room, having 15 minutes to talk after dinner without needing to help someone with something.Now, at 12, 8, 5, and 5, it is amazing. My blogging has slowed way down because there’s maybe one crisis a week, and half the time they’re mine, not the kids’. New stuff is unusual. I have a bit of a handle on who they are, and on the process of evolving my parenting to meet where they’re going. I still miss (ALL THE TIME), but I recover, and they’re old enough to give me time and space to try again, and again.
    About the good being way better than expected? Yes. Way way better. The whole thing is much bigger than I expected. There are intense periods, and rethinking, and I haven’t managed to get to where I never ever yell. So the ‘rolling with it’ still goes on. Adapting, changing, remembering stuff I’ve forgotten (like, whoops, forgot to tell Mr B about “Effective Prudent True”… how’d THAT happen?).
    And the energy is now also flowing back in my direction. Mr G is thinking about what I need, what would be good for me, encouraging me to do things I wouldn’t usually think of doing, just because a) he thinks I’d be good at it, and b) because he’d like to see me try. It is only in flickers so far, but the adult-parent to adult-child relationship is developing. Sometimes he is stubborn ‘I don’t want to work out this problem with my brother, I just want him to GO AWAY’ but sometimes he is ‘hey, why don’t you dance for performance? You should dance at the next event Aunt M has’ and ‘I like that you don’t dance like someone your age’ (cracked me up on that one, but I got the intention). And the intentions are starting to come out more skillfully.
    It’s good. It is really really good.
    Caveat: My opinion today is colored by the fact that I am on vacation for a week, and the kids are all on vacation for a week also – but they’re at my mom’s. Nobody here but us chickens… ๐Ÿ™‚

  58. Oh, and on the ‘each is different’ thing – ours are all different in different ways. I don’t have one easy, one hard, polar opposites (except I do have the introvert-extrovert polarity). It is way more complex than that. They’re just each very THEM, just as if I’d pulled four random people off the street. How they express each emotion is different, how they express their needs is different… and yet, they’re also very clearly related, and close.They are kind of each their own planet. Maybe in the same solar system, but what drives each is unique.
    Oh, and I only got one ‘good sleeper’ and one ‘bad sleeper’ but fortunately having four makes it clear that they’re really just ‘their own data point’ – having two makes it easy to think in terms of opposites, good/bad, easy/hard. Having four makes it very clear that there is no such thing as even ‘just one continuum’. Not that I think everyone should have more, just be aware of whether you think in terms of polarity/opposites (if one is strong for this area, what is the other? Opposite, also strong, related strong, what? Does that create a straight line, with one ‘better’ than the other?).
    Oh, and we also both WOH for most of this time. This week is clearing out 12 years of accumulated clutter that we haven’t had ‘project time’ for since the first was born… Which means I have to get back to work, now! ๐Ÿ™‚

  59. (clarifying – even on the Introvert/extrovert, the ‘polarity’ is really just range, style, type, and needs – but we do get conflict over that more than other things…)

  60. I disagree, but I have a 4 3/4 year gap between my first and second. Plus I get to stay home for a year with both boys. There have been times when I thought I was going to snap on the five year old, but they haven’t lasted long. Having a five year old who can make his own sandwiches, get his own drinks, toilet independently, and endlessly entertain me with the talking, and talking, and talking. Plus he goes to preK 3 hours a day to see his buddies and I get a break where I can go to the gym or grocery shop with only the baby & I don’t feel one whit bad about that.I have to say from the mothering perspective a nearly 5 year gap is A OKAY.

  61. I totally needed this today!!!!! I am in the midst of that first year haze with number 2 (oldest is 2.5 and baby is three month old) and it has been so intense that it’s almost unbearable on some days. But, as usual, your insights are totally spot-on, Moxie.Number 2 is not Number 1. Nor, in my case, is she what is ‘expected’ in a second child. I think I’ve been struggling so much because because I’ve had some bizarre notion that I can get her to be that baby. That, like most other second children I know, she should be able to fall asleep on the go, should like to be carried in the various carriers I’ve tried, should be easygoing and quietly fit into the lifestyle we’ve developed as a family. Ha-ha. Did I not learn from baby #1? I’ve been calling her stubborn in my head but it turns out, maybe I’m the stubborn one. She’s a tension increaser, needs to be bounced on the ball for every nap, only naps for thirty minutes at a time, is spitty, gassy, and screams like we’re burning her feet if not attended to immediately.
    So, I think the best piece of advice that I will begin heeding immediately is that you need to throw expectations out the window and reset your lifestyle to accomodate the new one, not try to jam them into your existing one. For us that will mean a few things things: 1) We cannot be the ‘out and about’ types for the forseeable future because if she screams when we’re out, there’s absolutely nothing I can do to soothe her (will someone please invent a go-go Gadget bouncy ball?!). 2) At three months, I still cannot function without A LOT of help from family, friends, and babysitters. It’s no time to be proud. 3) My oldest simply has to live with many hours of screaming a day and scattered attention from me. 4) Sometimes, I will call my baby a jerk — even out loud (GASP!). It doesn’t make me a bad mom. It doesn’t mean I’m horribly negative. Quite frankly, it just helps me add some humor to a tough moment to see me through to the next one.
    I’m sorry this is so long but I also wanted to speak to the negativity thing. Admitting things are difficult or problematic is not what I consider negativity. Seeking help or consolation is not negativity in my book, either. Plus, I personally find sarcasm pretty cathartic and I’m pretty sure misery loves company — it helps to know that you’re not alone. I spent many a night with my first reading comments about unhappy babies and managed to laugh out loud, even through my own tears. I pictured other poor parents doing lunge walks around the house and it helped me. It’s not negative to talk about how hard things are. It’s life and this community has been essential to my growing into my new roles. Thank you Moxie and everyone who makes this forum great!!

  62. Oh my word, I can’t believe how timely this was for me, Moxie. Thank you! I just wanted to comment right away, and now I’ll go back and read all the others. My second is 10 months old, and I’ve just recently begun missing my old life, the one with #1 (who was 4 y.o. when #2 was born), the one with more freedom and more sleep and less marital strife, etc. etc. I missed it very early on, and then that went away for a long time, so it really surprised me that I’ve been feeling kind of slightly resentful of #2 even though I am so very much in love with her. Such weird, contradictory emotions. Which is motherhood, in a nutshell, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Anyway, thanks again.

  63. Our son was a surprise 2nd child. Our kids are 370 days apart- I was not ready for him- I was perfectly happy with our daughter. Now I can’t imagine life with out him. He is our mellow man (thank God and knock on wood) Our daughter is HIGH drama- I don’t honestly think we would willing consider another child at this point.I feel guilty because he is so easy going that we do not pay enough attention to him. I fear I am giving him the wrong signals-scream loud enough or cry long enough and you will get a reaction out of mommy and daddy.

  64. I’ve been a long time lurker and just have to say that this post is exactly what I’ve been thinking of lately. I have a two year old and am planning on trying for number two soon. I have always known I want two kids, but now that I have one and am just feeling a bit more sure of who I am as a mom and who she is as a toddler I am SO afraid to mess with our rather nice routine. I feel like I just have to take a giant leap of faith and know that no matter the initial chaos, it will all be okay in the end. In a way reading that others feel/felt the same way makes taking that leap a little easier.

  65. I haven’t been home all day, forgive me, I haven’t read any of the posts. Now before you read this, know 2 things. I ADORE my kids, and I make my living as a parent educator. For years I perceived that being a parent educator meant I *should* only talk about the *good* stuff with regard siblings. I’m over that now and tell the truth, pretty or not. The truth is having siblings is HARD!!I’m still laughing at what moxie said. I, too, don’t want to rain on anyoneโ€™s parade. I wish, hope, and pray that everyone who wants a child gets to have a child. I honor those who know they don’t want a child because itโ€™s their truth.
    IMHO does having siblings get any easier? No it gets different, in some ways better, and in some ways worse. It takes the patience of a saint and the creativity of a master artist to live through the interactions siblings put a family through.
    All kidding aside, I tell parents that when a second child comes into the family you can *count* on the second child being different than the first one. Why? Because the personality and temperament youโ€™re familiar with has already been taken by the first child. The second child needs to be unique, so he needs a different way of looking at things and a different way of reacting to things.
    I great image I like to use are those old-fashioned pegboards. Thereโ€™s a hole for mom, dad, first child. When the second child comes along he doesnโ€™t try to squish in the same hole as the first child, he needs his own hole so he can be his own unique self in the family, so he comes with a different personality and temperament.
    My children adored each other for the first 8 years of life. Seriously, they rarely had issues. AND THEN IT HAPPENED! Tall turned 11 and decided his brother was too young and not cool. Of course being 11 was way cool so he began to leave taller out of everything. Taller was crushed. He had grown up thinking this was the relationship he and his brother would always have. When things changed little bro began to hate big bro, really resent him and emotionally distance himself from him, oh the fun. This went on for about 7 years. Then big bro went off to college and magic occurred, their relationship went back to really appreciating each other again.
    Do I think it was magic? Are you kidding me-no! I have to be honest here and say I worked really, really hard to provide them with tools to express themselves. I knew in the end their relationship was going to be what they made it to be and nothing I could possibly do would change that. But I wasn’t going down without a fight either! I insisted they learn tools to express their feelings to each other the good, the bad, and the ugly. Being honest about their feelings is what I believe kept a thread of love alive inside of them. Those tools are what stopped permanent damage from occurring.
    So in the end did it get easier, no. It got different. I smile and tear up when I see them together now. For us it was so worth it having a sibling.
    BTW, how do I know the communications tools were a major part of what kept the thread of love and relationship alive between my sons? I know because my sister and I weren’t that lucky!

  66. Wow- thank you. I love this post and all the comments. All of them! They are so helpful. I am three weeks away from giving birth to #2, and my little one just turned 3 two days ago. I need all the help and advice I can get. I have been reading a couple of books- Your 3 Year Old- Friend or Enemy? (Hilarious title, couldn’t resist) and From One Child to Two (very good- and helpful). I am glad to read such varied stories here- it really helps to know whatever I am going to go through is probably “normal”!

  67. @Alice: Have you asked your doctor about medicine for the little one’s reflux? One of our sons had (has!) terrible reflux, and baby Prilosec (by prescription) has made our lives a lot better. Also, if you’re formula-feeding, switching formula can sometimes work miracles.I just finished reading Siblings without Rivalry and it seems like it will be really useful — but I can’t say from experience yet, because our little guys (twins) are only 11 months old (8 months adjusted).

  68. @Cloud, thanks for your comments — I follow your blog and have been interested in your transition to two children. It helps to see other WOH Moms making the transition. My DH is a true coparent also, but it just boggles the mind to think about how we would all get out the door in the morning.

  69. Imagine this scene: I am home alone with my two kids (ages 4.5 and 14 months). It’s late afternoon when tempers are ragged, close to #2’s bedtime and #1 has been throwing up off and on all day. #1 is currently in bed with the Big Red Bowl next to him. #2 (newly mobile) is crying and wandering around the house because he wants to go outside-he hasn’t been outside all day because of his big brother’s barfing. Every now and then he wanders into the doorway to cry/yell at me and then wanders away again. I hear #2 in the kitchen opening and closing cupboards, crying/yelling, and I’m ping-ponging back and forth between the two of them. #1 is wailing that I CANNOT leave his side for one instant because he’s going to throw up any minute (he was not kidding. He did). But #2 is in the kitchen banging around with something, crying crying crying. I get up to go make sure he’s safe, but #1 yells “Here it comes!” and barfs into the bowl. At that moment, I hear a cupboard close loudly from the kitchen, and #2 is really wailing now. This was one of those times that was really hard while I was going through it, but despite how hard it was, I was also kind of watching myself from above and laughing my ass off at how freaking crazy it was.What helps: arranging schedules so I get a little bit of alone time with each kid every day (#2 goes to bed super early so I can have an hour or two alone with #1). Doing things together – #1 loves to sit in the chair when I put #2 to bed. He will “read” him stories and hold his bottle. And mostly a sense of humor. The worse the situation, the better and funnier story it makes for later. I try to imagine telling those stories at the holidays when the boys are older to give them a clear idea of how hard it was to be on my own with them….I plan to tell them at Thanksgiving so they will have ample time to shop for a suitable Christmas gift. Pooling of money will be encouraged but not required.
    And @hush…as usual, you rock.

  70. @MG – Thank you for the comment. We’re doing the ‘least drug like’ option now (under guidance of doc). I’m in New Zealand and you can buy OTC ‘Infant Gaviscon’ which puts a layer on top of the milk and lines the ‘pipes’. We only give it at it’s worst (4p-8a), and if that stops working we’ll try Infacol (similar to Mylicon) and if that doesn’t work then it will be Losec (Prilosec). Trying to minimise the drugs, but if I need to I will. So far Gaviscon will work if timed perfectly otherwise its 45mins of screaming until it seems to kick in and he has exhausted himself. At which point older daughter is trying to ‘help’ too, which is even more annoying, but I love that she is trying to help.

  71. @Susan- I don’t know if this helps or hurts, but I’ve found that the morning routine isn’t too bad. It is our evening routine that frankly kind of sucks. But even that is manageable.

  72. I love these posts – I have a 2 1/2 year-old girl and a 10-month-old girl who wakes up every hour. Everyone says it gets easier but honestly sometimes it feels like it’s getting harder. #2’s sleep is getting worse, and we all travel so much I fear that it will never resolve. I’m imagining that when breastfeeding is finished I will feel a little less torn in so many directions. I’m secretly wanting to wean but conflicted about that since #1 got it well into her second year. I’m feeling that I can’t win no matter what; yikes! #1 loves her little sister but there are, shall I say, small moments of aggression which seem to be happening more and more. WHEN WILL IT GET EASIER, AND HOW WILL I KNOW? Ha ha.

  73. My oldest was three when my youngest was born. I got really adept at nursing a baby while walking around. We watched a lot of Dora.The fun part, as my second got older, was remembering all the similar things my first had done at that age that I’d already forgotten about. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I wish I could remember when it started to get better. I know it got a lot better when my youngest was four and oldest seven. But I think it got quite a bit better before that.
    I also made some mama friends through the local UU church and that helped tremendously.
    Also, I had PPD with both, so I’m sure that colored the whole experience.
    The thing about parenting is it always changes. I’m so much better at parenting elementary school age kids. I just love it. I wish I’d known that when I had a baby and toddler.

  74. This post has generally scared the crap out of me. Am in early pregnancy with number #2 and the morning sickness is killing me, making it difficult to deal with #1. We’ve tried for a while to get pregnant with #2 so it is planned, prepared for, budgeted for, etc. etc. And now I am freaked right out.

  75. Fear not, Jac! Or fear, if you’re so inclined. Who am I to tell you what to do? But I think what mothers with “yeah, it sucked” posts are saying what they are as empathy and caution, not as explanations of why we wish we hadn’t done this.We bear a message of “Brace yourself!” not “Run awaaaaaay!”
    Also, the unbridled adorableness of siblings doting on each other more than compensates, even if you can’t always feel the joy.

  76. I was surprised by Moxie’s post. So I have to add my data point. I love having two. It’s not easy, but for me, much better than being pregnant with the second one. I was so EXHAUSTED, and couldn’t deal with #1.But I LOVE having two kids. The baby is only 4.5 months old, but he’s our easy baby. the main key for us is that my husband is now home every night because it’s so hard otherwise. I can put them both down on my own, but it’s a bit chaotic; and that adds up on week days. We both WOH, and kids are 4 years apart. The oldest is our high-needs child, definitively “wild and wonderful”, hyper-reactive, sensitive, creative, silly and craving attention. His behavior deteriorated at home for 3+ months after the birth of the baby, but now he’s returning to his normal self. The baby is a peaceful, happy soul, who loves to observe and smile.
    There are time when we forget to go grocery shopping on the weekend, or someone gets sick, or my husband’s out of town for several day, and then that week is just about surviving. But then the next weekend, you try to reset, and start again.
    What keeps me going is seeing the two kids together – it’s just so wonderful. From the time the baby was born, he responded to my voice and his brother’s. The big one is also fascinated with the little one and how he can influence him. I’m sure part of it is that he gets attention for being nice to his baby, but he does it even when he doesn’t know I’m looking.
    I hope I’m not jinxing things. ๐Ÿ™‚

  77. These are all the thoughts I have when I consider trying for #2. Just carrying and delivering #1 was stressful enough, I don’t know how I’d handle another pregnancy.Then I have no idea how we could afford to put #2 into daycare. I honestly feel I could be fine being mom to a singleton….but….I grew up with lots of siblings and I know how important those relationships are, so am I being selfish if I don’t have #2??? E is 22 months now, and I don’t feel a lot of pressure to have #2, but I know I’ll be fielding those questions soon enough.

  78. I just wanted to chime back in and remind everyone of a few things.-Things will get better! Then, they’ll get worse. But then? They will get even better! It’s all cyclical, and though we may be on different cycles than each other, things will cycle again.
    -Most kids are surprisingly adaptive and resilient. It may take some time for them to adjust, and you may feel bad that one or both simply have to cry for longer than you want them to. But they will be okay. I seriously doubt any of us reading this site are neglectful parents–those are the parents who may cause serious issues for their kids. We parents who care but have to juggle are simply modeling how to juggle and helping our kids learn how to be part of the overall family and think of others’ needs.
    -You do what you have to do to get through, and the kids will be okay. We had to use the TV WAY too much while I was pregnant with our second born and while we were figuring out how to incorporate the baby with our schedule. But my daughter is fine and watches very little now.
    -Aiming for a good, solid B is a great goal (credit to hedra!). That is 85% of the time doing things the way we think they should be done. And not 85% of the day, but over the life of our children! I was not my best parenting self while pregnant and depressed, but that was for a few months out of my child’s life. Other months, I totally rock. I don’t aim for 100% perfect parenting, cause that would probably bit me in the butt anyway and screw up a kid in another way entirely!
    -The goal of this parenting gig is not a short term goal. You didn’t get pregnant to be pregnant or have a baby to simply have a baby. You had/are having a child/children who will become your grown children. The first few years are especially hard, but there is pay off in the long run. Keep your eye on the long-term goals of raising children into adults!
    Having one kid is hard. Having two kids is hard. I’m guessing having more is hard. But also? Incredible! Maybe right away, maybe not for 3 or 4 years. Your mileage may vary, but we are all going to get there!

  79. Hi – just going to pipe in with one thing that works for us but understanding that it may need some tweaking for folks with 2 singletons. We have boy twins. They just turned 5. The first year was increadibly difficult. We basically just got through it – felt like we were barely keeping our heads above water every day, most moments. After the 1 year mark, each month got better and better. Seeing the way my boys interact (most the time) just melts my heart. I absolutely love that. I know there is no guarantee that giving your child a sibling will mean they will love each other or be friends so that can’t be the reason you do so. However, those moments when it does happen are so precious.Anyway, what works for us is to have date night. But a different date night. Every Friday my husband takes a twin to a restaurant of the twins’ choice and I take the other twin to a restaurant of his choice (can’t be the same restaurant). The following Friday, we switch boys. It was hard at first – one boy really fought it and cried so hard to be separated but now it is our routine and I think those date nights are important for so many reasons. Gives each child their own one-on-one time, helps my husband and I to really learn how to have a conversation with our children, etc. We saw a twin speaker one time that said if you foster the individual that many time it is easier for them to be friends. We started this right around when the boys were 1 1/2 or 2 years old.
    For those of you with 2 singletons, maybe the first date nights would be with the older child either switching off between parents while the other stays home with the baby or even better getting a sitter for the younger child and both parents taking the older child out (even something simple and short like ice cream instead of dinner would feel special). Once the younger gets old enough, then you could do the alternating dates with each parent.

  80. Late to comment… but I’m in the middle of this too. Younger is 2 months, older is 2 3/4. It is hard hard hard. Younger is a crap sleeper. Last night she was up every hour. Older is in my room at 7:00 a.m. ready to go, and I’ve had only a few hours of sleep in 30 minute chunks. Ugh.Anyway, I just want to address the whole debate on whether this is “negativity” or not. It’s not. I love my children, I love being a mother, and I wouldn’t change this for the world. But admitting that it is hard and that there are some moments at 3 a.m. when I question why the heck we did this is not being negative. It’s being honest and real. Maybe there are some moms out there who never ever melt down and have moments where they wish they had their old life back, but I’m not one of them, and this is something that is harder to admit IRL than it is to admit here.
    I think that people who have it easy just don’t come here because they aren’t desperately googling “my baby won’t sleep” and “stick a fork in my eye” at 4 a.m. So the people who wind up here are the people who need to be here to know that they aren’t the only mothers on the planet who find this parenting thing to be the hardest thing they’ve ever done.
    I just don’t think anyone should mistake that for feeling regret or for not liking motherhood. It’s like hiking up a mountain. It’s effing hard but everyone who does it is proud of it, brags about it, loves that they did it and wouldn’t change that they did it. That’s how I feel about my children.
    Now I’m going to go stick a fork in my eye because I’m so freaking tired.

  81. @caramama “your mileage may vary” made me laugh out loud!@hedra, hush, sharon, and cloud – thanks, as always. Love to read your posts.
    We’ll be deciding about whether to have #2 by the end of the year (truth be told, I’m late right now, but I digress). I’ve always figured that the first two years with 2 were the most physically demanding – but then less physically demanding after that because they have each other to play with. Now I’ll have to ruminate about the mental and emotional demands.
    I too feel as if I’d be cheating my son out of something important by denying him a sibling (I won the sibling lottery, for the most part). But I also want to make sure one more won’t derail us. That would be far worse for him than being an only child.
    At some point I would love to have a post on only children.

  82. I’m also going to reiterate the ‘two was easier than one’ thing – though for the first six months of any new child’s life, we just hunker and deal… but really, two was soooo much easier than the transition to one child. So don’t panic. Just know that if you have a hard time with it, you can come back and not feel alone. If you love it, you’re also not alone.And I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE having more than one child. One was HARD in many ways. One is always being the playmate, always doing this the first time, always scrambling to keep up, and wondering whether it was something I did, or not my fault (for anything). I eased up on myself a lot after two (I probably would have done so eventually with one, it just happened faster with two). And they really did (and do) enjoy each other. They got lucky in the sibling lottery, too, though I credit “Siblings Without Rivalry” for helping me keep from setting them up badly against each other.
    One was hard. Two was hard, but only 1.25x as hard as 1 (easy by comparison, and sometimes 2 was .75x as hard as 1 – easier!). Four was hard (okay, twins is hard). But it is all good. Very very good.

  83. Helllllooooo, if anyone is still reading. I was reading these and formulating my comment while my 2-year-old was tantruming on the floor (he was at the stage where I would just piss him off all he more if I tried to comfort him). Then, his 5-year-old big sister came out of the back room where she was watching TV, laid down with him and hugged him and kissed his cheek and soothed him. He calmed instantly. And THAT, my friends, is what makes the berzerk moments worth it. They’re becoming very close, He’s always loved her from birth, but she pretty much ignored him the first year (daughter was NOT happy about losing her position as queen of all she surveys–she was not only our only but my parents’ only grandchild that lived nearby, so she got TONS of attention).It’s hard to divide your attention, and I found the second year harder than the first because I suddenly had to watch TWO mobile children. But these awesome moments remind me why we did it.

  84. Thank you, Moxie. And, thank you, everyone for providing much-needed data points, advice and humor. You have given me new hope in life and I love you for it.I’ve been in the thick of it (2 under 2, no sleep, tandem nursing issues, crazy insane tantrums, food sensitivities, potty training Elder, you name it, it’s happening to me right now) for five months now, and we don’t know how we’ve managed to make it this far without forks in eyes (to steal a phrase from one of the comments above). When I emerge victorious on the other side, I’ll be sure to return here and post my 2 cents.
    For now, though, thanks. This helps. So. Much.

  85. I am 10 weeks pregnant with my second and have already been warned that life will really suck for the first year. I know that telling myself this will not prepare me for what is to come, according to all these posts, but still. Yikes. I keep thinking, if my mom and my sister could raise 3 kids, I can do this, too.

  86. We decided to stop at one after a difficult pregnancy (hospital bed rest for 11 weeks) and a very strenuous first two years. Also, economically and emotionally, it is the right decision. I have this other relationship in my life — my partnership with my husband — that is, in its own way, needs as much nurturing and mindfulness as parenting does. So, it’s all about balance.That said, the stories about sibling love are quite touching and I *totally* get why people choose to have more than one.
    The diversity of experiences on this blog is a gift.

  87. I LOVE two kids! I think it is so much better than one. I think that is mostly for two reasons:1) We spaced our kids almost 5 years apart on purpose.
    2) My second child is so much easier than my first (see #1, we waited so long because I was expecting a super challenging kid again.
    Having a second has brought out some wonderful qualities in our first child.
    That said. We are done. No third for us.

  88. Ditto to what Rosie said. I feel like I barely survived the first year of #1 with my own sanity & my marriage intact. I emotionally want a second child, but intellectually am scared to death of what it will do to me and my family.So I would love to hear more stories of why it’s *worth* it to take the plunge for #2…???

  89. Wow, I have to chime in here too. We have three girls, ages 5, 10.5, and 12. Our first Going from no kids to one was WAY harder to me than going from one kid to two (and that’s even with them being 19 months apart and the second one being a ‘surprise’)… Looking back, I probably had mild PPD with the first, but by the time we had our third (and she was totally planned) I was completely honest with anyone who asked that I just don’t really enjoy my babies until they are about 5 or 6 months old. I find those bleary first months just dreadful until they are well in the past… And I should add that my first was by FAR the ‘easiest’ baby (again, really only obvious two other babies and 12 years later!).

  90. For me, the worst part of adding #2 to our family was figuring out how divide my time/attention fairly without guilt. The absolute best advice I got about intergrating a second child into your life I read in a magazine at the OB’s office at my 6-week followup for #2. After I read it, it became my mantra and got me through the whole first year, when things got markedly better. It is–When both kids want something (not NEED something), always favor your older child over your baby. And make a big deal over the fact that you are making the baby WAIT.
    This is very counter-intuitive, but it works. Your older child will notice and respond positiviely to the fact that you got her drink while telling to wait that you’ll get him out of the swing in a minute. Your baby will never remember that he was allowed to fuss in the swing for a few minutes.
    A need from either child trumps a want, of course, and there will be many, many, many times when the baby needs something and the older ones just want something. It all evens out. Following this advice helped me enormously because I had a clear rule to follow. It gave me permission to make the baby wait occasionally and it made a HUGE difference in my daughter’s behavior/emotions. I also think it made her enjoy being the big sister a little bit more!

  91. I agree with Hedra. For me, transitioning from 0-1 child was MUCH more difficult than transitioning from 1-2. With the second, I didn’t have to adjust to fragmented sleep – my body went right back and knew what it was doing when the baby cried at 2 AM. It’s just…..easier because I’ve already adjusted my life to incorporate kid hours and kid meals and kid needs… two is just more of the same minus a TON of anxiety about why he’s not eating/sleeping/pooping. With my first, you could not fart in my house without me shooting daggers from my eyes for fear the baby would wake up. With the second…sorry pal. It’s just loud here. If you want to sleep, you’d better just deal.For those who have kids who are 12-24 months old and terrified to have a second but feel like you want one….just give it a little more time. It took at least 24 months before I wouldn’t automatically think, “Better you than me” anytime anyone announced a pregnancy. But then suddenly….I was ready. And if you never feel like you’re ready….one is perfectly fine too. Don’t let people bully you into two if you just don’t want two.
    But yes. I love having two, despite how hard it is, the barfing incident I posted above is really just the funny/bad stuff. The funny/love stuff is much more, and better and amazing.
    “Leap, and the net will appear.”

  92. @AG — you just wait until your child turns 3. You will know what the negativity is all about. Trust me.I am in the midst of the chaos once again as I now have 4 yo boy, 2 yo girl and 4 mo girl and a husband who travels four days a week. I finally feel like I am holding my head above water, but just barely. The new baby is still eating multiple times overnight, but I just roll with it and feed her in bed and get some sleep.
    Best advice I can give moms dealing with a new baby with older siblings is to get some help. Anyone who offers, take them up on it. If possible, get a mother’s helper. I am a SAHM and the budget is tight, but we made it happen. I have a college girl who comes twice a week for two hours at dinner-bath-bedtime to give me another set of hands. Best $50 I spend a week.
    Also, don’t feel like you have to be equal. Your older will need you more for playing and reading and things like that. Your baby will need you for pure physical things like a food source. It’s OK to tend to the older one while the baby cries — the baby won’t remember it.
    Just hang in there. It’s hard. But having a 2yo and a 4yo, I can tell you it gets so much easier when the youngest is about 18 mo. Then they can actually play together and interact and you can tell them work out (some) squabbles on their own.

  93. This is so great to read right now, since I have #1 (Jan 2009) with #2 on the way (September 2010(?)). I have a friend that went through this and she said the first year is hard, but it eases up after that. I need to talk to her again… I do like the advice about tending to #1 first. Hopefully, that will stick with me until September.Thanks Moxie-ites for painting a realistic picture. Although I really won’t know what I am in for until #2 gets out… #1 has been super easy, so my DH and I are worried.

  94. Very late to post… not sure anyone’s still reading. I did want to post more positive thoughts to those thinking about #2, though. Our first (almost 2 1/2)was such a hard transition – he turned my life all upside down. He was also a very high needs baby – didn’t sleep, always needed to be held. He got so much happier and easier when he was mobile by himself and is now a sweet, happy, very active boy.#2 (5 mo.) is an easy-going, flexible boy who sleeps. (Well, he slept well until last month…) Going from 1 to 2 was so much easier for me than going from 0 to 1. And seeing how sweet my toddler is with his baby brother is like nothing else. I love having two kids!

  95. This is timely. My Husband and I had wanted 2 and then we had our Son. Yes, he poops rainbows (when he poops) but my pregnancy was very difficult, he was colicky until 6 months, I had PPD and at 14 months he still doesn’t sleep through the night. We’ve since decided that we’re “one and done.” We’re older parents – I’m almost 39 now and DH is about to turn 40 and we simply don’t have the energy or the strong enough desire to have another child.I sort of feel nostalgic when I see a pregnant lady and think “well… maybe…”
    Thanks for snapping my shit back into place.

  96. Five year age gap, so things are peachy with us. But what I see with friends, is that the balance can be hard, but mostly what is hard is the older child. Unless the baby is a massively high-need child, the pattern I notice in our circle is that the baby is fine–maybe a source of some sleep deprivation, but essentially fine; it’s just that the older child is suddenly giant and difficult and unknown and there’s no time to relearn how to parent him.But, like I said, it can be really lovely. It has been for us. Hyperemesis sucked rocks, but going from 1-2 has been mostly wonderful. Certainly no harder a transition than 0-1.

  97. I’ve never posted before but I like to lurk, and as many others have commented, I’m often impressed by how you comment on what’s happening in my own life. I was terrified in pregnancy #2 of all that has been mentioned before – my adorable and relatively easy 2 1/2 year-old would be jealous, neglected and lost. To some extent I was right, she does sometimes seem to wonder where her old life has gone, but it’s not the end of the world and I’m very very very grateful to be reminded it’ll get better.

  98. Anyone still reading this with any advice on room sharing? Ours are 11 months (still having sleep issues) and 3.75 years. When the younger cries (several times a night due to teething/bumping into cot/resettling) the older one gets disturbed and may complain loudly or get the giggles. Half considering moving one of them into our room but don’t want to. Does the room sharing thing ever work or get easier?

  99. Great tips. My kids used to love being in the kitchen with me when they were litlte. Now that they are teens they are rather more self-occupying and I need to entice them into the kitchen with a challenge!I love Montessori Services. Their items are so down-to-Earth and affordable.

  100. We should be the first of our singibls to have a baby. We are both the oldest child and we both have four younger singibls. None of our singibls are married or in relationships so I would be really surprised if one of them wound up having a baby before us.As far as friends go, I am pretty much behind every one. And I am only 23. Almost everyone I know is married and has one or two kids, or their first is on the way.

  101. I don’t know of any books off hand besides an exceellnt chapter in Kids, Parents, and Power Stuggles , by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Let me know if you find any. I’d like to add some to my reading list too.

  102. I love this post and topic! I remember long seummr afternoons as a child, rearranging my dolls till they were just right , lying on my bedroom floor looking out the windows at the clouds, snuggling up in my bed to read for long stretches of time. I needed that as a child, and still do as an adult (though I don’t get much of it these days!).I feel like I have it a bit easy in allowing for boredom my eldest (5 1/2) has played well on his own from an early age. He seems to (mostly) redirect himself and find new things to do with minimal involvement from us. I will sometimes eavesdrop a bit to the elaborate stories he is making up with his animals, legos or star wars figures. Very cute. However, when he does get bored enough to complain about it, it is pretty dramatic! Thanks for the reminders of the value of not trying to fix it. I love the idea of shaving cream

  103. I wold never leave my children with their faehtr if they were acting strangely .Your children are more important than anything and if anything happened to them you would never forgive you self

  104. Hi Debbie thanks for sarihng our article about kindergarten prep with your readers. I just found your blog and love what you’re doing here. I have to admit you got me thinking a little bit about a triathalon (oh good grief. I need help SPELLING triathalon could I possibly do one?!?). Look forward to reading more.Hope you’ll come back and visit Especially as your son gets older we have lots of fun activities for you to do with him. Let us know what you think we love feedback and ideas from parents.Good luck with the blog! Kat (keden AT education DOT com)

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