Not dead

Just work trip, then avalanche of catching up, then (and now) sinus/headcold/missing neti pot/misery. Can't think well for love or money.

Questions:

1. What one thing, if removed from your life, would make parenting more fun for you?

2. What one thing, if added to your life, would make parenting more fun for you?

Answer in the comments, please, and editorialize at will about any current issues you're experiencing.

My answers:

1. Little League

2. Realistically: a washer and dryer in my building. Unrealistically: a household manager in the style of Tony from "Who's the Boss?".

151 thoughts on “Not dead”

  1. Ha! Now I don’t feel so bad about gazing longingly at Carla every time I watch Mad Men.What would I like to have removed? Cold viruses. Or half my husband’s workload.

  2. 1. Night wakings/feedings.2. An extra hour in the day somewhere between 4 and 6pm, that we could spend hanging out without the pressure of dinner, bath, bedtime.

  3. 1. being woken up in the middle of the night – for nursing (2 month old) or potty breaks (3.5 year old) or sex (husband with bedtime several hours later than mine).2. my best friend living in town. I really want someone to co-mother with.

  4. 1. Bedtime. Boys will not go to sleep and that is the part of the day I dread the most.2. My job to miraculously go from full time to part-time/flex time (with same pay of course!) so that I could have more fun with the boys.
    Moxie – sorry your head is a stuffy mess.

  5. great to see you, snick! thinking of you the other day…hmm. 1) right now, the word ‘no’ (toddler…nuff said.)
    2) a part-time job / childcare combo in northern va when we move there this summer. i’m worried about working that all out.

  6. 1. my ex2. free on demand babysitter tied with the ability to have a rational conversation with a two and a half year old about using the potty.

  7. 1- Whining, tantrums, whining/tantrum combinations2- A higher salary/more money to treat myself to a babysitter and/or other luxuries I enjoy.

  8. 1. The 45 minutes between when my son gets picked up from school and when my daughter does. Only enough time for one (short) errand, if we go home he’s often tired and really needs to nap but there isn’t enough time before we have to get her. The two block walk to/from her school is a minefield, sometimes mollified with snacks, bribes, or piggyback rides, sometimes…not.2. Serious, regular housecleaning help. I feel like an asshole saying I want someone to wash my dishes and straighten up, but if I were in a neater environment I think I would be less stressed out all the time. I don’t seem to be equipped with the organizational skills to keep my house neat, neither is my husband, and keeping things (un)reasonable is an unending war of attrition.

  9. 1. remove messy environment (requires husband to think neatness is exponentially higher on the Quality-of-Life scale)1a. I hate to think about it, but what if we didn’t have a computer? Or, It only worked for an hour at night?
    2. Putting my needs first and acting on them (neat household, new glasses–I can’t see a damn thing with these contacts, exercise, weight-loss, thyroid function eval., showers, leg shave, lotion, etc.)

  10. 1. My commute. 2 hours everyday down the drain, which makes me a bit of a frantic mommy when I get home.2. A housecleaner–I’m horrible at it, and the kid is at that baby stage where EVERYTHING goes in his mouth, so I feel like the worst mom in the world most days because I’m sure he’s eating more cat hair than should be allowed.

  11. 1. Teething2. Childcare. Ideally it would be grandparents living closer to provide childcare. Then I could stop stressing about trying to do the internship I need to finish my MEd.

  12. 1. power struggles with my 4.5 y.o. over bedtime and pretty much anything else2a. dinner magically cooking itself while I pick up the kids, so I can give them the attention they need when we all walk in the door
    2b. time for me to exercise/do yoga/meditate/take a walk, etc. even 2x/week, and the $ to hire a babysitter to enable this (DH is terribly overworked and even more stressed than I am.)
    As I’m writing this, I realize that what I want most is to feel like I’m actively and intentionally living this life, rather than just moving zombie-like from one day to the next, one item on the master work/family To-Do list to the next.

  13. 1–My dogs. I know, I love them, but gah! They add so much work!2–A better childcare situation. Maybe a nanny share in the neighborhood or a retired grandma to help out.

  14. 1. Teething/night wakings in my babe they are intertwined.2. Due to no sleep I don’t do much with my down time but try and nap or just lay on the couch, I’d love some real me time where I feel more in possession of my brain. I crave the time/enegry/creative process time I had before life with child. After a year of numerous night wakings I’m void of a personality. At least I feel that way.
    I believe if our well is full we have more to give, not too much giving around here…..

  15. 1. germs! with a 3 y/o in preschool germs are everywhere and a i hate for her, me or the baby to be sick.2. a salary and/or personal chef

  16. @creatingbalance, I had that feeling too. It crept away very slowly, starting when I joined a book club when my daughter was about a year old. Those people saved my intellectual life. Really.Eventually I started blogging, joined another book club, started jogging, read the damn newspaper from time to time, etc.
    Hugs into the dark void from the other side.

  17. 1. Long winters–are rough with a little one, though I really appreciate this gorgeous weather because of it. mmm!2. Child sleeping well (and me). going on 4 years, it’s getting old. My body is so screwed up, even if when I have a chance to sleep, it physically can’t now.

  18. 1. Tie between potty training a resistant 3 year old and night-feedings with the baby. Can’t decide.2. Whenever my husband wistfully wishes for something, I always say, “If you’re wishing, just wish for a million dollars… then we can get X AND still have $950,000 to buy everything else we want/need.”
    PS: I would by a Tony as well.

  19. PPS: Been up since butt-crack of dawn, locked my keys in the car at the babysitter’s (luckily kids were not in said car… and yes, I’ve done that before), and have been uncharacteristically mainlining caffeine all morning. I am now pumping and wondering if I should just toss this milk so the baby and babysitter don’t have a weird day 3 weeks from now when they use this milk.My house is beyond a distaster, we are busy for the next 3 weekends and then I’m having a thyroidectomy and will be in the hospital 1 or 2 days depending on if they find cancer (gasp!) and I’m already worrying about how the hubby will handle both boys who both wake up at night by himself….
    I love my life so much and am soooo blessed and I KNOW this but man today is kicking my ass peeps.
    Sorry, I just did a “primal scream” post. My bad:)

  20. 1. Night wakings/feedings2. My Mother living in the same city as we do (aka the ‘free on demand babysitter’ that @mom2boy talks about), tied with a cleaning person to do a complete spring cleaning + regular cleaning 1x per week.
    2.5 Ditto @Koshercow…Lots and lots of $$, so that as so well put by @Carmen, “we can get X AND still have $950,000 to buy everything else we want/need.” Brilliant!
    @CreatingBalance, Here Here!
    @Kate, thanks for the words of encouragement.

  21. 1. Oh, it is so wrong to say this, but… my 17-month-old. Or maybe I should say, this particular half-year disequilibrium, which so far is the one I have the hardest time handling. (I’ve only experienced through age three so far…)2. A job. Preferably full-time and in my chosen field, but you know, whatever.

  22. 1. REMOVE transition tantrums i.e. every morning when i ask my older son to get out of bed in the morning and dress himself. also REMOVE constant food preparation.2. ADD a ground floor with a sliding glass door into the back yard so they can play outside without me, but still be visible.

  23. 1. Arguing with DH about everything.2. More money or less work. (But not less money and less work.)
    3. More good-family/friends-that-are-family around so I feel that the things in my life are more plentiful than scarce.
    PS: For those of you wanting housekeeping to make life easier: I spend $80 for 3 hrs. of work every three weeks and it MAKES ME SO HAPPY. The way champagne makes me happy. See if you can budget for it. It’s worth it!

  24. 1. An easy bedtime. By the time Younger Son is asleep, I’m totally exhausted from all the back-and-forth, mental energy, threats, etc. it’s taken to get him there & am usually unproductive the rest of the evening.2. House cleaner.

  25. 1. a. My own temper and tendency to get seriously annoyed seriously fastb. other children’s birthday parties every. single. weekend! (Can’t wait until he’s old enough just to drop off at a b-day party!)
    2. Realistically: More exercise (helps with temperament problem referenced in 1.a.) Unrealistically: a housekeeper/au pair/personal assistant

  26. @sfsaf: Ditto! We have a cleaning lady for $75 every other week– there is absolutely nothing better than coming home to a clean house that someone else cleaned for you! Worth every single penny (if I had to make a choice I would gladly trade cable tv, eating out for lunch, and other treats for a housecleaner).

  27. 1. My husband’s inability to think on his feet and rise above the chaos when it comes to parenting. The ability not to get sucked into negative/chaotic situations is gold, and he ain’t got it. We’d all have more fun if he did.2. A twice-weekly housecleaner. Unrealistically: lots of money to pay other people to deal with issues that are endlessly bogging me down.
    I have so many things I want/need to do to run our household (repairs, improvements, problem-solving) and just not enough hours in the day to do them on top of having fun with The Boy, the horse and the hubby (not necessarily in that order).

  28. REMOVE tight finances – still living in the newish house, month-to-month grind, haven’t rebuilt FU fund up. Tired of worrying.ADD another day to the weekend. (Money would be good too, of course). I worked 4 day weeks last fall, burning vacation. I miss it.

  29. 1. The commute home from work via day care.2. Family members who lived close by or almost-like-family friends who lived close by.

  30. 1. Remove one day from my work week. I’d even take the corresponding pay cut.1a. Also, remove tantrums. DS has just now, after 2.5 years of being completely unflappable, discovered The Tantrum. Please God just make it go away.
    2. Add local dear friends. Or even just one.
    2a. Give DH the ability to take on a household task that is not optional (e.g., mow the lawn, vacuum) but necessary (e.g., groceries, pay bills, laundry). Having all the “if it doesn’t get done, very bad things happen” tasks on my shoulders is getting very old.

  31. 1. Husband’s south beach diet requirement – seriously, it is getting better but finding things that work for all 3 of us has been a chore while Mouse was little.2. 5 extra hours in week for yoga/writing/reading. I’d be such a better person in general.

  32. @marci, we recently moved to northern Virginia and I was able to find part time care for my almost 3 yo in high quality centers. Every place I looked had immediate availability for part time of various schedules, as well as full time. Where I lived before, 3-6 month waiting lists were the rule, even for questionable centers, and part time care was very difficult to find. I was shocked by how easy it was to find a place for him that worked for us.I can’t help you with a job, as I need one myself, but perhaps knowing that daycare is easy to find will ease your mind.

  33. My comment disappeared!But here it is again:
    1. Housework.
    2. I third (fourth?) mrscarmacho: I’d love a true friend to talk to. (She doesn’t even have to help me with stuff! Just be a sympathetic ear and be persistent with getting together to do stuff! And be unrelated to my employment or my spouse’s.)

  34. Remove: NIGHTWAKINGS!!! I don’t know how much longer I can go w/o at least a couple good nights in a row…Add: 2 or 3 more hours in each day, or a pause button, so I can get all the stuff done that I slack on because I’m always so freakin’ tired.

  35. 1. My job2. Money.. boatloads of money.
    Why? Are you playing fairy?!
    It’s amazing how many people said nightwakings.. it’d be an interesting tally.

  36. 1. Remove the not-listening that makes me repeat myself fifty times a week. (I’m sure this is a Parenting Issue, but still.)2. Add close friends in town. This has been an ongoing thing with me. I’ve taken steps but I guess not enough, or it takes time, or some such.

  37. @eep – thanks. i’m from a really small town & my mama’s been keeping him, so i have few experiences to draw on & it’s all overwhelming. i just want it all done – moving, job, daycare, all decided & past.

  38. 1. the computer. fo’ real. I find myself reading blogs and news and stuff rather than engaging with my children.2. a housekeeper.

  39. 1. Remove at least one child’s bottles and nightwakings (unfortch these seem to be necessary for both of my 2 children under 3 at this time and it is killing me!!!)2. Friends here who are generous, fun, and who actually call me/back and follow through with plans.

  40. 1. Potty training.And the pressure to make SOME FREAKING PROGRESS with it or else my son won’t be accepted into public nursery school in September. I know it is still only April, but he’s turning three in July and I feel like a failure for not yet figuring out how to help things along.
    2. A bigger apartment
    In the meantime, I’ve accepted having a kid’s room full of half of our books and a living room full of half of my son’s toys, but man, I’d love to have a space big enough to organize rationally.

  41. 1. Bedtime. Dreaded. Going on 2 years of extended bedtime rituals and eyes finally shut at 10pm earliest, often 11pm+2. An apartment with proper rooms, not open plan (cf. above).

  42. 1. Naps and naptime and anything associated with naps2. My clone so I can spend some quality time one on one every day with each of my little bunnies

  43. @motherdaughter, how old is the little night owl & does she still nap? (I have one, now 6. Not saying I have a magic bullet – I don’t – but feel free to ping me for commiseration or ways to make peace with it.)

  44. I don’t know what I want to get rid of (maybe 3.5yr old’s clinginess?) but I was thinking the other day How I wish I could freeze time like that girl on Out of This World. Just put my fingers together and I could do everthing plus sleep. Now I have to choose between the two.

  45. @Kate – one redeeming feature of our place is a generous kitchen. I think it is probably even big enough to keep two sets of everything. But I can see why bulk retailers like Costco haven’t caught on in Europe — what the heck would we do with six months worth of canned tomatoes, or a 12-pack of rolls of paper towels?Bringing over most of the books was non-negotiable for us, too. And my husband buys new books and CDs with no restraint whatsoever, alas. I can be all smug about it because I’ve recently discovered the municipal library, hee hee.
    @paola, and everyone else whose commented on how hard it to make friends. Yes. Me too. I know I’m surrounded by moms, in my building, in the park, but I never manage to exchange more than two words with anyone. Maybe it’ll get easier when my son starts school next year (which brings me back to potty training, *shudder*).
    Or else we’ll just have to start up some sort of mommy speed-dating service? “Find your match in 15 minutes! Less time than it takes to herd your toddler to the car most mornings!”

  46. 1). My own ADD-ishness, which can make it really hard to engage with and enjoy my kids. My brain is always changing the channel and that makes it tough to really savor these moments.1a) My dislike of playing at the park.
    2) Patience
    2a) A decent night’s sleep without kids or snoring husband awakening me.
    2b) A large infusion of cash and/or big new client.

  47. 1) Remove: My job. I’m working full time at a job I hate, but starting a photography business I love. Can. Not. Wait. for the day photography will pay my bills and I can quit the hated job. In the meantime, I’m working full time at both, plus caring full time for my son during the day. Removing the job would grant me so much more time in my day to be a better parent.2) Add: Washer and dryer
    2a: Ditto Catherine, omgah, Ditto.
    Give DH the ability to take on a household task that is not optional (e.g., mow the lawn, vacuum) but necessary (e.g., groceries, pay bills, laundry). Having all the “if it doesn’t get done, very bad things happen” tasks on my shoulders is getting very old.

  48. 1. Massive whining/crying fits over something not going the way we never knew he was expecting. Despite the no-whining rule. Also, cajoling.2. Confidence that the crazy stuff I put my kids through (dragging them halfway around the world for my work to places where we seem very strange and are far from our communities) isn’t going to mess them up in the long term.

  49. 1. Night wakings!!!!2. Someone to watch my baby every morning for 1.5 hours so I can complete my yoga session and know that I am going to get to!!

  50. @Alice, I feel the same way: love to cook, but daughter doesn’t like my cooking creativity, or even when I think she will, she doesn’t. I miss cooking with flair.

  51. @maria and lots of others. I also am struck by how many people said “friends”/ or good friends nearby. And someone else said, friends who actually call back and follow through on plans. YES!And I thought it was just me.
    We need a post about this or some kind of rant…

  52. 1. My now-not-peeing-the-bed 2.5 year old is now up 1 or 2x a night to go pee and must have me go with him. ARRGGG.2. One of those little monkey helpers for these late night pee trips.

  53. 1. housework/the daily dinner grind2. cheaper babysitting options! and/or more $$ for more days of preschool…
    Right now we’re paying more than we can actually afford for two days a week of full-day language immersion preschool and it’s so incredibly awesome, I dream about 5 days a week. Luckily that’s what we’ll get next year, with Kindergarten!
    Housework/cooking will still loom daily, I just wish I could figure out a better system for getting it done. I do well for a while and then either the house starts to look ratty and cluttered or we lag on groceries and start eating out a lot, or both, and it makes me feel like a Bad Mom.

  54. Maz, do you have a YMCA near you or other gym with childcare? Our Y takes kidlets as young as 6 months. They also have yoga classes where you can bring your younger-than-6-month-old. It’s very nice.

  55. motherdaughter, I would also be happy to brainstorm sleep solutions with you. I have a formerly VERY BAD SLEEPING child who is now a dream sleeper. I am not saying that this is all due to my intervention, but I’ve been down many roads wrt sleep and read many books and all that, and if nothing else I can provide commiseration and the promise that It WILL Get Better.

  56. Another remove nightwakings!And another add money… just enough to get rid of debt and be able to pay bills on time…

  57. Parisienne…We are moving to Paris next year and I do worry about the space issue. Can I ask how many sq meters you are in? How many would make you happy?

  58. Well, it sucks that so many of us seem to need a good friend or two, but at least now I feel like I’m not a weirdo. Needing more time just edged out the needing a friend for me.

  59. 1. My internet addiction2. The ability to require only 6 instead of 8+ hours of sleep per night. (Would also accept 27 hour days.)

  60. 1. (a) My 2-year-old’s resistance to moving to her own bed,(b) My various and sundry mental health problems, especially my ADD.
    2. ยฃ600,000 (approximately $1,000,000) That’s enough to sustain our current modest lifestyle indefinitely without either of us having to work.
    2 more realistic: Good friends in town, especially if they had kids and were willing to do a regular babysitting exchange.

  61. @TB – we have 62 square meters (approx. 620 square feet) with two bedrooms, which is generous by Parisian standards. But we also have seven (!) bookcases of double-shelved books and CDs, and a floor loom. And an almost three-year-old. And a packed basement storage unit that I shudder to think about. So it is tight.100+ square meters is what I dream of, but that definitely means moving further outside of Paris. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, since I’m finding that after seven years the whole urban living thing is getting a bit old. But it means moving away from my in-laws, who are a very important part of my parenting support system and who currently live 5 minutes away from us. Sigh…

  62. @ parisienne, wow! Tiny!We are in 107 sq meters now and finding it smallish (also due to layout and the kitchen space being completely insufficient for a kosher lifestyle–2 sets of everything) compared to what we had in NY. Israeli-born Israelis, we’ve noticed, tend to have far less “stuff,” but my husband and I were only willing to part with a certain percentage of books.

  63. Wow, I feel like I have it so easy!I pay my mum (who is an enjo consulant) $50 for two hours of cleaning. She is supposed to come every week, but lately its been every two or three weeks.
    Today we finalised the loan to buy our new car. Finally, I will have a decent car that wont break down on me every few months when I have a child in the back! I’m very excited – it is a Hyundai i30 wagon. *does a little dance*
    My husband is in the process of closing down his business and he is working for another small company so our money is looking good for now (we wouldn’t be able to afford the new car on his old salary). Will have to wait a few months to see how permanent it is.
    Unrealistically:
    1) REMOVE My son is ASD. Life with Autism is so damn hard – on everybody. Just the driving around to therapy is hard, not to mention the day-to-day stuff that doesn’t work as easily as it should.
    2) ADD More time. I would love more time to play with my boys, exercise, read, the usual.
    Cheers!

  64. 1. Sleeping issues (we’re working on it);2. My mother nearby, enough money to hire a super-nanny, or a moving to a beautiful cul-de-sac with all my friends who have kids next door where we can trade off “services”!

  65. Ok time to be serious:1. REMOVE – Hubby’s job uncertainty. Either he finds a new job (which is practically impossible considering the work climate at the moment) or his company ‘s bottom line has to improve. Like out of sight, which is equally improbable.
    2. ADD – Kids need to spend more time with their dad. As a result of the above, dad is at work far too much and when home spending too much time on the internet looking for a job.
    Re, the friend thing. Me too!! On park days I come home just a little bit sad ‘cos I realise that there is no one there who is remotely similar to me. I’m not looking for a photocopy of myself, but someone with ‘similar’ thoughts on parenting, or political views. Instead I get a playground full of pregnant smokers, mums who encourage their kids to smack each other on the head, or use at least one swear word per sentence. I find i am more and more drawn to grandmothers whose old style parenting is similar to my own.

  66. For those of you whose partners are not pulling their weight (I refuse to say “help” — how does one help around one’s own damn house?):http://www.newyorker.com/humor/issuecartoons/2010/04/26/cartoons_20100419#slide=7
    My peerless spouse used to start doing whatever I was doing. He thought the fact that I was doing it meant it needed to be done. I pointed out that the fact I was doing it meant it was getting done.
    Anyway:
    (1) My need for sleep.
    (2) A dog, because it would make us all happier.

  67. REMOVE: The distance between the Moxites so we could help each other with all this stuff …ADD: Moxieville! Wouldn’t it be nice to move to Moxieville so we could all be friends, Moxie could use my washer & dryer and everybody could get a safe babysitter whenever we needed one?!?!

  68. You know, paradoxically enough, hearing others wish that they had local close friends somehow makes me feel better. I hear so much about the importance of having these close friends, of getting together with them regularly (“girls night out” and whatnot) that it’s begun to make me feel like a failure for NOT having them.Thank you, fellow Moxites, for once again reminding me that even though it may suck, it’s probably perfectly normal!

  69. To remove? Two days ago I would have said the uncertainty about official word on hubby’s tenure review, but we just found out that he got it so we’re doing a giant happy dance!!! So now, I will say all the extra crud/crap we have in our house – I am in the mode to majorly purge, but get stymied by where to take all the stuff that is perfectly good, but we just don’t need.To add? More sleep, more time in the day, more friends. I love the mommy speed dating concept, but also need the extra time after job and home stuff to pursue the friendship. So, if anyone is in the greater Allentown, PA area with a toddler, and likes doing outdoor stuff, let me know!

  70. 1. My part-time job. Or toddler tantrums.2. Realistically: more mommy-friends to keep me from being swallowed by the world of a 2-yr-old. Unrealistically: I’ll take Moxie’s idea of Tony from “Who’s the Boss?”! Brilliant! I’d love to have a clean house without having to do it!

  71. 1. Remove: nightly struggle over going to bed. Newly-potty-trained boy now wants to get up and go pee several times before falling asleep. Still in crib, needs help. Taking more than 1 hour to fall asleep.2. Add: I’d like to say housekeeping, which would be nice. But I’m thinking a lot of money instead.

  72. About friends, it seems like everyone feels like they don’t have any real ones! Even people I know IRL who I thought were really popular and extroverted and, therefore, had tons of good friends – they, too, have recently told me they are missing deep connections.It gets old having to be the one who reaches out to people instead of them initiating. If I never called or emailed no one would ever spend any time with me. Oh well – I better get over it, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  73. Remove: in-law irresponsibility issues with money that affect our family in several large waysAdd: free (and good) childcare/nanny from 4:00-6:30 p.m. (post-nap to dinner time).

  74. Remove: (do I have to pick just one?)- Nightwakings!!!
    – 3-hour daily commute
    – meal preparation
    Add: (do I have to pick just one?)
    – the ability to freeze time so I can do what I need/want to do without feeling like I’m borrowing time from something else
    – bigger house with a YARD and a GARAGE (ah, the dreams!)
    – finally start our home web design biz so I can be work from home and kids will spend less time in daycare

  75. 1) Worrying about what and how much my son eats. It causes me much distress.2) Housekeeper/chef. I am much happier when things are neat and tidy and I cannot relax/play if the environment is messy.

  76. Setting aside the “more money, more space” things as already saidRemove: Cold viruses (which lead to tantrums and lack of sleep and extra nursing and night wakings and disrupted work schedules and all kids of misery)
    Add: Grandparents in town (which could lead to more adults around to pay more active attention to my 3 and a half year old and – *gasp* the occasional night out that didn’t cost me $100 in babysitting money)

  77. Can I say it also makes me feel strangely better that other people feel like they always have to be the one to reach out or call or invite or whatever? I have that feeling SO STRONGLY that I start to regress to middle school and assume that no one really likes me.

  78. @hush — I have this thing where, if I initiate coffee or dinner or something, and the other person doesn’t absolutely leap into my arms and follow through immediately, I assume she’s Just Not That Into Me and I should back off. Not that she already has a full life and it slipped her mind, or that she was counting on me to follow up because she feels the same way I do (both plausible scenarios in some other universe.) I’m starting to get the impression that I should push a little harder before I give up, to give generous people like you a break! ๐Ÿ™‚

  79. 1.a) Night wakings/feedings. Enough already.1.b) Scrubbing the poop from baby clothes multiple times a day. I am not exaggerating. EVERY TIME the 3 mo. old poops, it blows out either the back, front, leg, or all of the above. Her poops are comically explosive. Seriously all this poop scrubbing is driving me batty. And yes I’ve tried other diapers, other sizes, pretty much everything that I can think of other than switching to cloth. Which I don’t really want to do (gosh is it earth day and I’m saying this?).
    2. More sleep. I say more sleep because that would give me more patience, more tolerance, more understanding, more willingness to get down on the floor and play, more creativeness to do crafts and fun games. More sleep would make me a better mom to my 2 year old. And it is so unfair that even though the 2 year old is not responsible for the sleep deprivation, she’s the one that is missing out because of it, not the baby.

  80. 1. Sicknesses, teething and anything that affects the sleep in my house.2a. More hours in the day and especially in the night.
    2b. Things to be less expensive! Or, I suppose, more money. Mainly, the ability to give my kids the childcare that I think would work best for them and can no longer afford/never could afford.
    I’m having a really tough time emotionally lately because I saw my daughter starting to get bullied the other day. I’m really upset and pissed off. I don’t know what is normal in terms of kicking, hitting, name calling, gaining up on, etc. at other pre-schools. If anyone has any advice (or sympathy), can you please come by my blog and give me a little love? I feel really weird asking, but I’m just so upset.
    Oh, also…
    @DC Area People – We’re doing a May Meet Up! Please come to my blog and vote for a day that works for you and comment on the post with any ideas for where to meet/what to do (I’m thinking the Playseum in Bethesda).

  81. REMOVE:-4.5 y.o. DS’s night wakings (going on 7 months)
    -teething (effing SIX y.o. molars???)
    -stuttering
    -weird vertigo/ear noises that last occurred when 2 yo molars came in & ENT said connected to teething, and now ENT seems flaky & saying scary things. also other ear problems (ruptured ear drum etc.)
    -allergies!
    ADD:
    -more sleep for everyone
    -bigger house or same size w/functional floor plan.
    -calm & peace for me instead of all anxiety all the time.
    -time w/husband
    -friends
    -a class or something for me

  82. Okay, finally read the comments, so of course I have a long list of responses.@paola – Ha! Your first one cracked me up! But you know that your #2 can lead to #1…
    @Jen – I almost changed my #1 to the pets (we have a cat and dog). I feel ya!
    @Creatingbalance – I know just what you mean about feeling void of a personaility! It took a long time after our firstborn for me to start feeling at all like “me” again, and then I was pregnant again. Luckily, I’m feeling more like “me” a lot sooner this time. Likely because my son sleeps better than my daughter did. Hang in there! You will get yourself back soon!
    @Carmen – Gah! That’s a lot going on! I hope your surgery goes well, and I’m sure your husband will handle the kids just fine.
    I agree with @sfsaf and @BlueBirdMama. The money we spend on the housecleaners has been worth every penny, even though we had to go down to once a month. I would rather give up cable TV (though not internet), and we have given up many other things, before giving up the cleaning people altogether.
    @yasmara – I should add your #1 to mine, except it’s my older child. It is SO draining!
    @Jan – I love the idea of having an hour that no one else knows about!
    @motherdaughter – We’ve been through that same thing with bedtimes. Now that my daughter is three and able to handle more and use logic more, I am finally taking baby steps to get her to sleep by herself. 3.5 weeks, and I’m now able to sit next to her bed while she lies in it and listens to music to go to sleep. But couldn’t have done it before, especially if she had a nap. Good luck!
    @snick and @AmyinMotown – Good to hear from both of you!
    @CrazyMama – Oh, yeah! I need a monkey helper for so many things!
    @Slim – Ha! Love the cartoon.
    @MrsHaley – I think you have the best answer! LOVE it!
    @parisienne – We definitely need the mommy speed-dating! Did you have that much room in your kitchen before you did the remodeling?
    @hush – I feel that way about blogs, actually. If I’m commenting and commenting on someone’s site, but they don’t come by and return the interest, after a while I stop commenting or reading. Making bloggy friends can be difficult, too, and I don’t want to be the one always trying and trying. You know?
    @Jenny – I need other people to continue to invite me in real life to things, especially during the winter. I really will have a great time and want to do more with someone, but I get so busy and never have a good time to call, which is why I often find keeping up with people on the internet is easier. Don’t give up on everyone so soon!
    @Melba – “gosh is it earth day and I’m saying this?” haha! I remember that Dooce had the same issues with her baby. We had quite a few, but not every time. Oh, but my 10 mo is now on antibiotics, which is giving him diarrhea, which of course leaks on everything. Ugh!

  83. 1. The commute to work…oh, how I hate it. The other option would be to reduce my work hours slightly…2. a husband who was home every day (he is an airline pilot and so is gone an average of 15 days per month). This is not realistic as he’s working his dream job. So, realistically…his airline to start flying near where we live so I could take advantage of the wonderful flight benefits…hopefully it will happen someday!

  84. Re @bluebirdmama and @AmyinMotown – yes, need more patience! Lose this yelling gene!Add: either money or space. Hard to do without both.

  85. Are any of y’all who want more mama-friends in Seattle? Because we could hang out. Seriously, leave me a comment here or on my blog or something.@Melba – we had a time when we had blowouts *every diaper*. What helped was to move up a size even though our babe was nowhere near the low weight on the next size. I think she was wearing a size 4 diaper at 16 lbs. And within the same size, different brands work differently. We used 7th generation for a long time, but are now using Target brand because they leak less right now (she’s 22lbs).
    Things are pretty good for us right now, though I would like to remove the extra poundage (baby-related and just general laziness). With the babe, I can’t seem to get it together to get into a decent exercise routine.
    I would like to add the extra time and inclination to go through the 6 million photos and videos I’ve taken of BabyT and organize, edit and post them online for the family. I’m several months behind.

  86. Pmp, 62 sq. meters sounds like what we are looking at; actually, I’m glad to know it’s “normal” for a middle-class apartment, because I was thinking, well maybe everyone in Paris is super rich and they live in 100+ sq. meters…I actually don’t think I will mind the space issues at first, but after stuff starts to accumulate, it can feel like any space is too small. Maybe this will be the first time in my life that I don’t accumulate stuff constantly…one can dream…
    And, floor loom – that is so cool! my clutter is not so purposeful.

  87. 1. the incessant need to do non-baby-related work – it makes me resentful when my sweet 16 m.o. will not nap or play by herself2. a husband who doesn’t complain, particularly about the occasional getting-up-with-the-babe. He does (generally) pull his weight, but he bitches & moans the whole way through.
    To all of those who are lamenting the baby-related loss-of-personality… I posted the same thing a short 4 months ago. And everyone told me what I can now say is true: wait ’til the little one hits 12-13 months. It all gets better :).

  88. Remove: Screaming. By any and all parties, including me.Restore: Work. I sure wish I could work my pre-baby job part-time while she’s in school, okay preschool, beginning this fall. I didn’t love all the people, and I didn’t love all the work, but I sure miss it. It was an excellent identity for me, and I wish I could show my daughter that women can and do work at interesting jobs.

  89. 1. REMOVE guilt over not doing parenting tasks the “right” way (whatever that is). Everywhere I look, I get messages – usually conflicting messages – about how to raise my child, how to get pregnant, when to get pregnant, what to do during pregnancy… it’s exhausting doing the research to figure out what I want to do with all that information. And I keep wondering, did my own mother and grandmothers do this? Probably not.2. ADD – I hate to say it, but money is the one thing that if I had more of, my other challenges in life would appear less like hurdles and more like speed-bumps. I could pay off my college & grad school loans. We could pay off the mortgage on the house. We could pay off all our credit card bills and never use them again (cash only, or write checks). We could pay our amazing babysitter more per hour, because right now we can only afford to pay her $5.15/hr but she is worth about $20/hr! I know she says she’s “only doing it because she loves kids” and she “doesn’t need the money,” (isn’t she a dream!?!) but I feel awful not paying her what she’s worth.
    On the “friend front,” I knew I wasn’t the only one feeling friend-deprived, but to read in stark detail how other moms go to the playground and feel isolated, alone and yearning for connection… this is an epidemic, ladies! Moxie, would you consider doing a post on this topic so we can share friend-making and friend-keeping stories, advice and support with each other in a more on-topic way? Pretty please? ๐Ÿ™‚
    @MrsHaley, I’d move to Moxieville tomorrow!

  90. Wow, just came back to read the new comments and add a couple of things I thought of and you guys are so on the same wavelenght!1. REMOVE: Guilt. Guilt about parenting, housekeeping, being depressed, not exercising, not eating/providing healthier food these days, spending too much time watching netflixโ€ฆ remove all guilt. Also, remove depression and anxiety. Ok those things are pretty related.
    2. ADD: Health insurance. Also a dog, and a sense of safety, and lawn-care.
    I took an online domestic threat assessment last night, and the results were that the threat level in my situation is *8* out of *10*. Scary, and also no wonder I’m depressed and anxious.

  91. 1. my fulltime job (I get to stay home)2. a job of equal income and security for my husband
    Basically, I just want role reversal so that we’re back in the traditional set-up. I truely believe that there is a reason things have been that way for so long.
    And before I get bashed: I’m not saying YOU have to do it. It’s what I want.

  92. So many have said Housecleaning. I hear you. I know money is tight, but it is worth every penny. Hire a teenager. They work cheap. Even if she doesn’t do a fabulous job, it’s better than what I do. Because I just don’t get it done at all.

  93. remove:my job so I could just be a mom for a few years instead of a hmaster on a wheel
    add:
    the faith that someday it will get easier/
    the ability to really enjoy my kids more of the time instead of being so haggard.
    I love this post by the way; thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚

  94. remove: nightwakingsadd: a little more money so the mr isn’t so stressed and we can do something frivolous every now and then and I don’t have to go back to work

  95. 1. Guilt..heaps of mommy guilt (mostly right now over 22 mo. little man who refuses to eat…thus my rediscovery of Moxie when I googled “HELP my toddler is not eating!”)2. Energy…and thereby more creative juices flowing to the brain to get on the floor and play endless hours of dinosaurs with my daughter and not be bored out of my mind

  96. 1. Night wakings (8 month old twins)2. More options for nice things to do with my 4-year old (where I live there’s very little)

  97. remove: my dog (I love him, but it’s a long story)add: A once a week house cleaner please! Man, how that would change my life.

  98. remove: money/husband job stress (husband job stress really effects me and the mood of the house and is tied directly to how much money we have)add: a cleaning lady every week and a babysitter every other.

  99. 1. What one thing, if removed from your life, would make parenting more fun for you?My 3yo’s refusal to let her father do anything for her.
    2. What one thing, if added to your life, would make parenting more fun for you?
    An entertaining babysitter magically appearing for that crazy hour from 6-7 p.m. when my sweet little child becomes a monster.

  100. Remove: Nits! Remove every last one and all their eggs from the planet.Add: Personal chef/beautician for on-call facials, pedicures and waxing (nothing XXX, just brow, legs etc).

  101. Questions:1. Germs. We’ve had a lot of bad luck with our little bacterial and viral friends this first year of life. I think we would do a lot more if I wasn’t having to constantly evaluate the risk-benefit qualities of every single scenario.
    2. Sleep! I have such a difficult time enjoying things when I’m so sleep deprived! I really feel like I’m missing out because I’m so tired all the time.

  102. 1. REMOVE: my easily-triggered temper and lack of patience with my 1- and 2-yo (tantrums/mealtime wars x 2!!). Also, less work stress for hub, who has no energy after his 12-hr days.2. ADD: an extra hour after kids go down to just relaaaax with hub on the couch, as the kitchen cleans itself ๐Ÿ™‚

  103. Remove: hour long commute to and from workAdd: Part time, flex time, partial work from home job with same pay so I can have more time with my family.

  104. Hi I just watched a clip fneauritg one of your recipes on The Best Thing I Ever Ate . It was Michael Symon fneauritg your restaurant and your recipe for sausage gravy and biscuits. That is one of my favorite foods of all time and yours looked absolutely wonderful!! I live in Traverse City, MI so quite a long way away from where you are. My oldest son is returning home after serving several years in the U.S. Navy upon a nuclear submarine. I would love to fix this for him when he returns home, but I did not see the recipe on your website. Would it be possible for you to e-mail the recipe to me? I would be very grateful to you if you could do that. I am sure my son and the rest of my family that will be returning home for his homecoming would be very appreciative. Thank you very much Denise Carpenter

  105. april is like emerging from a cave. I love tanikg care of my plants, starting seedlings (for the first time ever after many phone consultations with my mom), and seeing my children relish the sun-shine and fresh air. Now, if I could only find a sunscreen that doesn’t use nano-technology. Any ideas? Happy April to you!

  106. Suhas Patil Posted on Namaskaar Kautubh saaheb,It was great to see your mail after a long long time and I was happy to see the good news about the wesbite of Kishoreda.In fact, I was discussing about you in the last week to one my office colleague on the day of KKโ€™s birth anniversary โ€ฆ.and what a coincidence, here you are with a wonderful wesbite.I am really happy to see this and also happy to see that our server has not yet blocked this wesbite. Otherwise, normally, all the sites are blocked by our IT Security. Congratulations to you, Pavan and all other your team members for such a great initiative. I have visited the site & looks wonderful, but will go through thoroughly later.I am really happy to see that I will be again link to Guru and also to all of you by this wesbite. Special thanks to you.With kind regards

  107. Posted on Hello Pradeep jiThanks for the comment.This site is a tribtue by me ( K C Pingle Dubai ) and Pavan Jha (Jaipur) to one of the greatest legends that India has ever seen.We want to make it as interactive as possible. Initially it will be difficult to make it a free for all forum, but we welcome articles from fellow fans. We would put them up, if found hatke and interesting.

  108. Posted on Excellent Pavanbhai & Kaustubh! I can see two songs behind Kishoreda’s biuateful sketches :1. Kashti Ka Khamosh Safar Hai2. Chhota Sa Ghar HogaGlad to see the legendary Robin Bhatt’s comment here !Cheers,Qamaal

  109. Asim Posted on Folks,site is indeed very good and going to be rcehir as we have huge no of kishore kumar fans in this world. i must admit that this site has taken me to the nostalgic era of kishore da.thanks all.

  110. Vishal Posted on Rana and gang should not only be bguhrot to justice but they should be tortured to death and it should be visible to each and every citizen of INDIA so that next time no fucking bastard can even think about teasing a girl nor kill anyone punishment should be cruel! Cut their balls and throw it away..may be next time a girl walks in the midnite no one would ever dare to misbehave!I give a salute to both keenan and reuben.!May ur soul rest in peace ur fight will never go vain.! Please don’t mind about the abusive words..rana and gang do not deserve any kind of respect..

  111. Posted on It’s unbelievable the anoumt of trauma women go through after entering the period of adolescence. I remember quite a few incidents of being groped on my way back to home from school, in an autorick and so on. Mothers teach us right from childhood, how to be prepared for such incidents’, not think too much about them and just move on. In our state too a a young police official, Bapi Sen, was kicked and beaten to death by his own colleagues for protesting about them harassing a woman. This can’t go on forever. We can’t go on witnessing the deaths of Keenans and Reubens and all the Bapi Sens of our country and do nothing.

  112. Posted on Actually, I’d like being more kidlike all year round! I think maybe I’ll work on that for the new year meinteg each new day with the enthusiasm, excitement, and awareness as if I’m seeing things for the first time. Love your blog and I’ll be back!

  113. kothija Posted on May you be safe where-ever you are Leong Jin. May your family have stntrgeh to wait through. Sending you love and light, may you be guided back home soon.

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