Back to life primal scream

It feels like everyone's a little (ha!) discombobulated about getting back to normal life after whatever kind of spring break (and maybe Passover or Easter) celebrations you had. I got off scot-free (my kids went away for a week with their dad, and then we went out for dim sum for Easter dinner) so I'm just my normal harried self. But I know some of you have had some experiences that ranged from quietly diminishing to rage-inducing.

Let it loose here, please. And if you have nothing to vent, perhaps you could give some support to those who do. I'd give you all a hug and a glass of wine if I could.

105 thoughts on “Back to life primal scream”

  1. I strongly suspect DD ( 3.25 almost exactly) is entering the 3.5 y.o transition (and therefore sleep regression), even though she is barely out of the last one!! Last night she awoke at 3 am and didn’t fall back to sleep for longer than 15 minutes. Then she he was up for the day at 7.30. She is presently snoozing ( has been since 11.45) and I am debating whether to leave her a bit longer or wake her now (as I don’t want this nap to interfere with her night sleep.)Any chance that this was all a fluke and she was up for the earache ( that bizarrly changed ears everytime I asked her about it)she complained about???

  2. My abusive X is now asking for custody as well as visitation. Today was to have been the (first) hearing but my lawyer couldn’t make it and I don’t yet know when it’s been rescheduled to.My daughter is a) adjusting to a (great!) new school, b) having her half-birthday decompensation, and c) picking up on my stress and anxiety over the X’s insane and scary machinations. So for the past week or two she’s been doing a remarkable impression of a kid who’s been raised by wolves.
    I’m almost out of ambien, which is the only thing that’s allowed me to get any sleep in the past 5 weeks.

  3. Why is it so mucher easier to see and remember the things that make me think @$&*!(!!!!!!!!!$*#&@)!!!! than it is to see the bigger picture of a functioning family with three individual minds that does pretty well day to day?

  4. Husband deep in work pattern that had him depressed for over 2 yrs. Still not over that.Trying to encourage him to stand up for himself (read: take breaks to eat, sleep, and use the bathroom while not on a conference call).
    Burning the candle at both ends = candle burns out twice as fast. Yes? Who’s with me?
    I need his assistance to get ready for my little one’s birthday, which is this week. Really, I just need him for half an hour (during normal business hours, not at 3 in the morning), and I will take care of the school party and the picnic with friends. As of yet, I’m not sure that will happen before the birthday happens.
    My house is a literal disaster. Company coming for the weekend.
    I am tired because I am lying awake at night, listening to him on the phone with his boss, on the phone with the far east, and worrying that he is going to be swallowed alive. Of course I made $1200 freelancing last year, so I can encourage him to step back and take a less intense job. Not.

  5. Son’s preschool at suburban-NYC JCC took a 1.5-WEEK break for Passover. For non-Jewish readers, Passover is celebrated on the first 2 days & the last 2 days (8 days in total) ONLY FOR THE VERY OBSERVANT! The JCC is not a religious place; it’s more cultural & it’s a community center. It’s also not really serving the needs of the community, which in my case, includes PEOPLE WHO WORK FULL TIME TO AFFORD THE TUITION!Sorry for the shouting & the bitching about a real first-world problem, but 1) I don’t have enough vacation time to cover all days off in this place; and 2) after 10 days out of the routine, my son was a mess & definitely ready to go back to school
    AND, there are 7 weeks of school left; *3* of them are full, 5-day weeks. The others? 2 weeks each have 1 day off for parent-teacher conferences (for 4-year olds); 1 week has ANOTHER (minor) Jewish holiday; and the third? A STAFF DEVELOPMENT DAY! 2 weeks before the end of school?! Really?! The teachers have staff development on the afternoons of conference days. That one day is annoying me more than all the others combined.
    Whew. Thanks for the scream.

  6. I finally decided to go on PPD meds. I’m getting pressure from family that it may not be safe, but I know I need to do it to keep my sanity. (Regain my sanity?)I’m picking up the meds today. I think it is a big step in caring for myself and doing what is needed. I should have done this months ago when I realized I had a problem… and I need to trust I am not damaging my child by taking doctor approved medication…

  7. Hubby is on week FOUR of an EIGHT WEEK Trip, leaving me home w/3 (ages 8, 4, and 3) kids and a full time job. AND he may have to extend for 2 extra weeks. I’m trying to get the basement finished (contractors) AND son just started his first team-league sport w/practices twice a week and a game on Saturday. The kids are all in different schools and everything added together is making me BATTTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYY.

  8. DS has been going through teething hell since Friday. He’s drooling enough to soak about 4 t-shirts/bibs a day. And he’s drooling so much that 1/2 the time he’s spitting it out and getting totally upset because there’s too much saliva in his mouth. And waking himself up from his afternoon nap in a pool of wet on the bed & his shirt. Fever off and on all Sat & Sun. Fist-banging-wet-noodle-don’t-touch-me temper tantrums galore. And to top it off, woke every hour or so last night from 10pm – 6am. Tempra wasn’t working like it usually does (gotta aget some motrin for tonight). The poor guy is just having a really hard time of it. I ended up sleeping 1 hour in bed, then 1 hour on the rocking chair with DS. Wash, rinse, repeat the whole 8 hours. I am exhausted today. And a little discouraged.DS clung to me when I left him at daycare this AM (when he usually is too interested in the other kids to even say goodbye to me). And the manager of the daycare (who is amazing) is off sick, so I’m a bit worried that his (extra) needs will not get attended to. When will these damn effing canine teeth push through? I swear he’s been cutting them for 4-6 months now.
    And while I’m on the subject, when is our 21/22 month easy period going to kick in??!! And why does it seem that the worst teething episodes are in the ‘easy’ periods? Which essentially removes the easy part.
    And the last part of the rant is that we were 0 for 2 on our errands this weekend. We finally get it together to get something done this weekend – bring old tires & rims to the eco centre, and bring my portable sewing machine in to get serviced so I can work in the evenings in the living room and simultaneously get some projects done and fulfill my need to do something fun/creative instead of watch TV. (Industrial machine, which I normally use, is in the room next to DS’ and is too loud to use at night when he’s sleeping.) Well, ecocentre had a line up way too long for the time we had and we got to the service centre for the sewing machine 15 minutes too late. Argh. Just one of those days, but man, totally annoying.
    OK, rant over. Better go get another coffee.

  9. We moved to Northern Virginia in February, right after the blizzards, when I was 7.5 months pregnant. I had to quit the job that I loved, and put the house that I thought I would grow old in on the market. And toss the world of my 2.75 year old into chaos.But I was dealing with everything, and adjusting to staying at home for now. The baby was born 19 days ago, and all was going well. And then over the weekend he got sick. We are now in the hospital with RSV. They did a spinal tap to rule out meningitis, poked him full of holes, irritated the hell out of him, and he still can’t breathe.
    My only experiences with hospitals have been the births of my boys. I don’t know how to handle all the cords and lines when all I want to do is hold my baby or change his diaper. I feel sad and alone and frustrated. 2010 has not been a good year so far.

  10. eep- That sounds truly awful. Hang it there. I hope you get a sympathetic nurse who shows you how to hold your baby with the wires.My little rant sounds positively exuberantly chipped in comparison. Because really? Scarlet Fever? You have to be kidding me. Who gets Scarlet Fever while already on the antibiotics for strep throat? Who does? My kid, that’s who. Fortunately he’s 4 and not 14 because I am pretty sure that the skin peeling off of his groin at 14 would really freak him out.
    And the good news: My small kid is not (completely) deaf after recurrent ear infections and ear tubes. This is most excellent. He is still mute, but we’ve been referred to speech language pathology. I’m waiting on the intake call. And, autism is not suspected (any more).
    But the best part is that my husband is in his crazy busy time at work, so it’s been all me for all of this the past week while also holding down my own full-time job during crazy busy (but less than husband’s) time at work. The good news is we got some Grandma help during their Spring Breaks. The bad news is they’re back at work so if one more thing goes wrong, it’s going to be just me sitting in the corner rocking back and forth that a crazy person.

  11. @MomOthree – good for you for prioritizing your health! I was at a recent conference that made it SO SO SO clear that children are so much healthier when their depressed Moms are get treatment and get healthy. So you definitely will not be damaging your child!

  12. @eep – so sorry to hear that. had a much older (21 mos) kid hospitalized for RSV a few years ago and that was bad enough. it’s an awful bug but hospitals are very good with these things these days. hope you have lots of help with the older one and can focus on that sweet baby. many many good thoughts and hugs to you, and try to remember to breathe a little bit yourself.@VHMprincess, that just seems too long for a work trip! I don’t blame you a bit for going bonkers!
    @themilliner, this tooth shall pass. sorry it’s so horrid.
    primal squeaks from me: boss is still an immature git; slammed slammed slammed at work…but not quite as much as Mr. C, who is slammed enough that he got himself sick. Mouse got unexplained hives last week which is just a little nervous making. behind on my commitments to help school with their fundraising website, which is no joke in this environment; Mouse’s birthday is Friday and I’ve got a ton to do before her treasure hunt party is ready…and the weather may not cooperate for having it at the park as planned so I could end up with 15 kids in my flat. haaaaa. and my mom is coming for the weekend and has already made noise that Mouse’s chosen birthday dinner (chicken pot pie) has enough fat to keep her up allllll night – “not that there’s anything wrong with chicken pot pie, she just hasn’t eaten that much saturated fat in years”…(not true actually, you should see xmas at her house, as it should be as far as I’m concerned but I’m bracing for a million little critiques) bleah. NBD all of it but I feel better for squeaking.

  13. Back to school/work for me today. Wah. Don’t wanna. For the first time in 7 years I actually felt like I had a vacation – the kids spent a reasonable amount of time with their dad and I actually had a few days where I was able to do whatever the hell I wanted to do the minute I felt like doing it. And granted, what I felt like doing was going to the supermarket or hardware store….but the luxury of not wrestling 1-2 kids into and out of the car was heavenly. I also had the chance to get back to my running which has saved my sanity lately. Tonight is the first night my baby (14 months) will be sleeping over at his dad’s all night (my 4 year old has been doing it since we separated in September) and I’m grateful that my ex is in a place where he’s actually understanding my anxiety and sadness over this and bending over backwards to accommodate me and communicate with me about things like what to feed the kids, and checking in with me to let me know how they’re doing. I don’t expect it to last (it never does), but I’m going to appreciate it while it does. And I’m going to try to enjoy my afternoon and night of no parental obligations by working late and preparing myself for the week as opposed to flying by the seat of my pants every day, meandering through the supermarket, and going for an early evening run to help clear my head and center myself. My kids decided to help me with this transition as well by waking up last night at midnight (14 month old) and from 2:30 – 3:00 AM (4 year old). I hope everything goes okay tonight. I feel okay about it since my boys will be together, and the 4 year old is super excited to have his brother overnight at their dad’s house, and the 14 month old adores his dad and is always happy to be there. Anxious and sad though too. This feels more like a primal sigh than a scream.

  14. Hugs, chocolate, vino etc…to all moms making it through every day. I hope the universe hears your primal screams and sends grace and good fortune your way.Not much to scream about at the moment, which I’m being grateful for.

  15. Primal moan – morning sickness. Blech. Husband travelling too much for work leaving me single parenting pretty much every other week since January. SO DS is watching WAAAAAY too much TV since I can barely move off the couch at the end of the day and we’re eating take-out at least twice a week because I want to barf every time I open the fridge door.So, trying to focus on the positive: I really, really wanted this pregnancy to happen. Husband’s job is super amazing and I am so proud of him, and he’s going to be here all summer barely working at all. DS is learning to love all the Disney movies I love.
    @maria – hang in there. I think about you often. Hopefully judge will see through X’s bullcrap.
    @lisa – I feel your pain! Sometimes it seems that our entire school system is completely set up to hinder working parents – like its operating under the assumption that every family has one SAHP.
    @VHMPrincess – extended business trips suck. I am in awe of single parents everywhere.

  16. @sarcastiCarrie– we had scarlet fever over spring break too! It took three trips to the pediatrician to get them to figure out what I knew all along! Dr. Google rocks and my 4 yo boy seems cured but his rash has not begun to peel (can I hope it won’t?). Who gets that prarie disease from the dark ages, indeed? Luckily, not my 4 month old. Not yet anyhow.

  17. Tired of feeling like I exist to help facilitate DH’s social life. Tired of feeling like I come in second to his top priority which is to be having this social life (without me.) Tired of having a handsome husband who seems to think his only recourse to women being disrespectful of our relationship is to take the utterly passive route. Is it too much to ask that he maybe be an active agent in affirming our relationship? Really REALLY tired of our single Mom neighbor being nicer to him than me and insinuating herself and her son into our lives. I.e, into getting my husband to play a Daddy role for her son. Look, I have always been super nice to her and will continue to be. I know it must be hard. But once it again it looks to be a long spring and summer for me. It’s one thing to encourage her son to play with DH and our girls, another thing to put herself in there so that I feel like a weird third wheel. I don’t know how to handle this, but I suspect the only recourse I have is to grit my teeth. Bummer Monday. Thanks for the primal scream.@Maria, thinking of you.

  18. @anon4this, my husband is going through a similar thing. And I am having a really difficult time with it. I am angry. It sucks. No answers, just commiseration.And I need more help at home. My little one watches cartoons all morning while I try to do freelance work in the same room. NOT COOL. But I can’t seem to find decent childcare. Who knew I’d someday be wishing my family lived closer.

  19. Hugs to everyone who clearly needs this more than I do.I really have nothing to complain about, but I won’t let that stop me. I’ve been feeling drained lately, with a 3 year old in one of her periodic “I want only Mommy, not Daddy” phases, and a 6 month old who has suddenly decided to wake up every 3 hours at night for no reason we can figure out. I know from the first time around that I need 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep to feel human, and we can’t figure out how to get me that consistently. ARGH.
    You know how we always say “put your own oxygen mask on first”? I can’t figure out what my oxygen mask even is. I feel tired and cranky and not myself, and I can’t figure out how to fix it. It is driving me nuts.
    @themillner- we’re teething, too. My god, the drool is unbelievable. This is a candidate cause for the every 3 hour wake up routine, but tylenol hasn’t helped, so we’re not sure what to think. Argh.
    @Charisse, I had unexplained hives once for something like 6 weeks. I finally figured out that it was a new “flavor” of laundry detergent that I’d bought. I almost went insane in the time it took to figure that out.
    @Rudyinparis- I wish I lived near you so that I could take your husband aside an sort him out. Politely, of course. Do you suppose he is a little flattered by the attention? That is fine, but he needs to recognize that basking in it is hurting someone he cares about and cut that out. I’m feeling grumpy right now, so I’d sort your neighbor out, too. But I suspect that would be less successful than talking to your husband. She probably knows exactly what she’s doing. He probably hasn’t really thought it through.
    @Jac, @anon4this2- how about getting some educational DVDs from the library and/or recording your favorite educational-type cartoons? I find this reduces my guilt about the screen time. When I was pregnant, Dora came into our life with a vengeance. We’ve learned a lot of Spanish words. We are currently enjoying a “learn Chinese” DVD and can now all count to 10 in Chinese. TV may not be ideal, but some time it is really, really helpful. In our house, the choices are 1. TV after work and home-cooked meals. 2. No TV after work and fast food. I choose option #1, and feel fine about it. I guess what I’m really saying is that there is some sort of similar choice being made in your homes, too, and I’d lay odds that your option #2 sucks worse than what you’re doing, too.

  20. Actually we weathered spring break fine…although it was 2 weeks with no preschool. Luckily we have a fab part-time nanny to watch the kids (while I work from home) and she was able to work extra hours. We found her from SitterCity after 1 false start and many interviews.But my 8 month old has a severe ear infection and is teething to boot. The antibiotics have kicked it but he is still being very clingy and fussy. And he’s biting me when I nurse him. OUCH! I was completely ready to wean him last night.
    My preschooler got frequent ear infections (until he turned 2) and I guess I sort of blamed it on being in daycare and only being on breastmilk for 4 month. Well the baby is not in daycare and is exclusively breastfed. Yet we still have ear infections. I guess even breastmilk doesn’t conquer faulty eustachian tubes!
    And then we had some drama with my stepson’s bio-mom. My husband has full custody and she gets visitation every other weekend (at my husband’d discretion). This has been the case since they divorced 7 years ago. Well we found out something disturbing about her care (not related to my stepson but his just turned 3 yr old half brother). So it looks like we might have to call social services. I know she’ll make us out to be the villains and how we’re doing this to keep my stepson from her. And we’ll have to try to shield my stepson from all this drama as much as possible. Oy!

  21. An hour ago I would have gotten on here and complained about how whiny my 2.5 year old has been lately. But now both kids are napping and I am enjoying my morning coffee at 1:15pm and don’t feel much like complaining. Crazy how just a few minutes of peace can make a world of difference.Big hugs for all.

  22. Haven’t posted here in awhile, but I need a little primal screaming.After nearly a year away from the workforce, I’m starting a new job shortly. I’m sick to death of all the congratulatory conversations I’m having, and would like someone to recognize that since I’ve always wanted to and have loved staying home with my kids, I’m going to miss it. A lot. I’m grieving the loss right now, not really celebrating.
    Am pissed as hell at the husband right now. He’s the worst offender of item #1 up there, being absolutely delighted at the extra money I’ll be bringing in. And we’re at odds over child-rearing. I do most of it, which we’re both fine with. But I resent his tendency to bitch and moan about the way I’m doing it (“coddling” is how he refers to many of my attempts to identify and use teachable moments rather than institute my will and get them to obey like little automatons). Then he gets pissed if I suggest that perhaps I know a little more about this than he does, both because of experience and research. Tells me that just because he hasn’t “read a billion books by Dr. Phil” that I don’t get to discount his opinion. (I swear I only discount his opinion when he’s wrong and I’m right. Is it my fault that’s such a large percentage of the time?) And really? That’s your big argument? You’re pissed because I READ? Because I’m taking the whole raising-kids thing seriously, as if it were, you know, important, as opposed to just another fun extra-curricular activity to be shoved in a closet when you get tired of it? Please do shut up.
    Anyway, screaming match in front of the kids on Easter Sunday that didn’t really get resolved because our company arrived and neither of us wants to bring it all up again. And we both probably said a few things we didn’t mean (or at least didn’t mean to say). After a week we’ve probably sort of tacitly agreed that it’s “over” but I’m left feeling kind of raw.

  23. Am sending out big waves of support and refreshment to all of you, plus hearty laughter at NotSoAnonRudyinParis.I am not going to complain about anything because it seems so minor, but my jaw aches so clearly I cannot handle even minor problems well.

  24. @Cloud—thanks. I would love, actually, for a (relatively) disinterested party to intercede! The deal is, I don’t think he’s flattered—I think—I know–it makes him uncomfortable and distressed. He knows full well what’s going on, but, see, the thing with him is he is almost entirely unable to set boundaries with people. So, in a way, I feel for him. But on the other hand… I feel like I‘m left out on a limb. I can’t talk to the neighbor, no way. I’m just trying to emulate Grace Kelly here. Or Victoria Beckham, who I in no way resemble, but DH kind of looks like her husband, so I’m guessing she has to deal with this kind of thing with grace and dignity as well.Hi Slim!

  25. @RudyinParis- so my little talk with your Hubby would be about manning up and doing something that makes him uncomfortable for the sake of his lovely wife, who does so much for him. (Actually, I think my husband would react much like yours- he would have no idea what to do and would end up doing nothing and I would simmer with resentment but I can’t channel Grace Kelly for long, and I’d eventually yell at him. Or the neighbor. Or both. So I really feel for you!)@Jan- I’m sorry you’re having to go back to work when you don’t really want to. I hope you can find something good in it for you, eventually. Can I make a suggestion, which you are free to ignore? I don’t think the arrangement of having you do most of the child care will work once you’re back at work. Anyway, I know it wouldn’t work for me- there just aren’t enough hours in the day. So maybe the trade off your husband needs to make in order to get to enjoy that extra money is that he needs to become more involved, and that doesn’t mean swooping in and disrupting what you know works with your kids because it doesn’t match his parenting expectations. That means taking the time to discuss parenting ideas with you, and to find an approach that will work for both of you. And then DOING it, not snarking about it from the sidelines.
    But like I said, totally ignore that if you don’t think it is relevant to your situation. And good luck with the transition back to work.

  26. Let’s see. My father passed away 2 weeks ago. My grandmother passed away over the weekend. We sold our house and have to be out in about 2 weeks but we won’t have a new place to move into for about another 6 weeks so we’re about to be homeless and staying with my inlaws for about a month. I’m taking a day trip to my grandmother’s funeral this Wednesday, which will be the first time my still-nursing young toddler will have ever not had me at bedtime and I have no idea how he’s going to take it. Here’s my primal scream. GAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

  27. @eep, where are you in NoVa? I have twins who are 39 days old and an almost 3 yo. If you don’t have a network here and need someone for playdates and/or drink wine with, maybe we can meet up. The DC area isn’t always the friendliest for newcomers bc a) it’s so transient and b) everyone *thinks* they are really important (rolls eyes).

  28. @eep–I’m also in NoVa–let me know if you want someone in the area to hang out with…Frustrated with my moms group–people are not doing what they said they were going to do, and since we’re linked with a national organization and I”m the president of my chapter, I’m the one getting shit for it, and I’m going to have to either take on the duties of 3/5 of my board or find people to take their place. So not what I signed on for. If people could just commit to 15 minutes a week to do what they said they’d do, it would spare me an enormous amount of grief and would mean that I don’t spend 45 minutes a week doing all their stuff for them instead of getting to spend time with my husband. I haven’t my hair cut in 6 months–my husband and I haven’t had a date in 6 months.
    On top of it all, it looks like my son is going to need speech therapy, which means I really won’t have time to take over other people’s responsibilities. I’m sorry, but I can’t put your convenience ahead of my son’s development. It seems like everywhere I look on the internet, people are reporting these fascinating conversations they’re having with their 2.5 yo kids, and I just feel like a complete failure that my child isn’t there yet.

  29. @Madelyn, Thanks for the offer. I would love to take you up on that, you know, once I am not in a hospital. I am in Herndon, you can email me at elizpreston at gmail dot com. Thanks again, I feel more at home already!

  30. Cooperative Preschool. Does any parent actually have time to help run a preschool while being a parent of preschool aged kids? What kind of stupid idea is this? Cooperative Preschool grumble grumble grumble.

  31. @ Eep Cara Mama http://caramamamia.blogspot.com/ has organized some events for locals. I live in DC suburb in MD-while I can’t really get together on weekdays, I can do things on weekends. I have a three year old boy who would love to spend some time running around with other little kids!I am sorry, it doesn’t help with the baby and the hospital and the wires (I am so sorry and hope that they get to the bottom of this soon) but hopefully it is something to look forward to.
    You can e-mail me at strugibear at gmail dot com.
    @SarcastiCarrie-my son decided to get Scarlet Fever this week which has completely confused me as he was on antibiotics for Step…did he get them a day late enough for the toxins to build up? Hope your little one is feeling better.
    Kate

  32. Thanks everybody for the encouragement.@angela, that is such a good point! I couldn’t do it either.
    @Shana, I’m so sorry about your father and your grandmother. Your toddler will be ok, and the extra nursing time when you get back may help you feel more centered after the funeral. Don’t forget to take care of yourself!

  33. Hugs to all of you and sending good vibes for less stress.My (minor) quibble is the 6 month old who formerly slept 11 hours+ at night for months, who has now gotten up 3-4 times per night for 2 nights out of the last 3. Fortunately she naps great during the days to make up for it, except:
    my parents are visiting from far away and are sort of grumbling about how she’s sleeping all the time. But in this house we DO NOT wake sleeping babies. Sigh.
    Also these awesomely loving, excited grandparents are overstimulating all of us with their constant, loud baby talk. baby girl doesn’t get a moment to process any of this, and hubby, dogs and i are sort of reeling from all the noise in the house. (We’re typically quiet, mellow people.) I know we (and baby) need to get used to different kinds of people/personalities, but when I’m so tired, ouch.
    And then I feel guilty that I’m not cheerful, fun, cruise director daughter, planning fun things for all of us to do.

  34. @”Want to be Anon” married to Beckham look-alike (Oh, Rudy!): What @Cloud said. And also, I gotta ask… What’s your gut telling you about the situation? DH being “almost entirely unable to set boundaries” is a big red flag. (Disclaimer: I used to date a guy who totally reminds me of how you describe your DH, so that’s coloring my response today, as I have ‘he’s cheating’ on my mind but will attempt to put that aside…)I know you have shared this very icky problem with us here before, some months ago, so I imagine it has been weighing very heavily on you. You sound sure your DH is a totally passive participant in all of this who really, truly, deeply, does not want female neighbor’s attentions. At all? Not even a little bit? And yet it persists.
    I feel for you, and sympathize with your discomfort. You and I seem to have a very similar personality pattern – we want to keep up certain appearances, and “be nice,” and play along with lonely, shitty people who we kind of feel sad for… to the point of not being our authentic selves and engaging in soul-crushing fakery because we are afraid of what would happen if we starting calling people out.
    I wonder if a counselor could help you & DH come up with some strategies for handling these emotions. It sounds like this won’t be the last time another female wants your guy, and you’re disappointed with his lack of boundaries about it.
    @eep – I’ve been thinking of you – glad to hear baby is born and well. Wishing you many new friendships in No Va!
    @maria – Hugs to you my friend!
    @angela – Cooperative Preschool – I hear you. If that’s what you really want, then don’t give up – otherwise drop-off preschool can be an awesome thing, too! My BFF had some very bad co-cop experiences in Chicago (not the workload, but crazy bad unwelcomingness from the other families “how did YOU find out about US?” crap). A few bad apples really can spoil the bunch. Our co-op here in Podunkville is the real deal so far. Solid, non-judgy solid folks we look forward to spending time with, so the “work” is fun. Good luck to you.

  35. Oh and @Anonymouseketeer – Notice all of the typos in my previous comment there? I, too, have a 6 mos old who used to sleep but is suddenly up 5+ times a night. Good times!! I hope your folks help you make it so you get to be the one sleeping all the time!

  36. Mine is silly, but I did scream primally when it happened… My mother-in-law spent Easter with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend who live about four hours away. It was just the three of them. They decided to get a cake for dessert and my mother-in-law brought the leftovers home for my children. Nice yes?This cake, I sh*t you not, would serve 40-50 people. It was a sheet cake from Costco, the giant ones they sell. Three pieces were eaten, and the rest was on my kitchen table (insert primal scream, “WHAT IS THAAAAAT?”) as I arrive home from work.
    Thank god my husband took it to work the next day and his co-workers ate it. I think my mother-in-law is a bit put out.

  37. There are 2 things that are absolute hell. They sound funny and maybe one day I will laugh about them, but even my DH doesn’t understand how upset this makes me.a) getting 20month old in the car
    b) changing diaper, especially poopy diaper on said 20 month old.
    Both involve SCREEEEEEAMMMING for at least 30 minutes. THe diaper changing is the thing I dread the most. I can’t get her to physically lay back long enough to do the &%^$%&ing stupid strap. She is stronger than Hercules. Of course DH walks in lays her back and she totally cooperates for him. Poop ends up all over me, my hand, the table, the wall. AND I AM SICK OF IT. I hate that she can be so so happy, then a complete hysterical, snotty mess ALL BECAUSE OF A F-ing diaper.
    Same thing for the car.

  38. spent the weekend packing up husband’s grandma’s apartment because she’s just moved into a nursing home. The kids were assholes every time we went to visit at the home, and my husband’s aunt actually told me she thought I didn’t love my daughter as much as my son because I held her to a higher standard of behavior (she is nearly 6, he just turned 3). As in, not yelling at great-grandma that she didn’t want to be there. Because I m a terrible horrible no good very bad mother, I didn’t allow my daughter to play at the playground right after we left the home.Yes, I know the transition of g-grandma in a home is tough for them too, and they were uncomfortable in a new environment and out of their elements, but is it really too much to ask for them to refrain from being actively terrible? REALLY? I had brought snacks coloring books – they weren’t expected to perform, but wanted them to respond when asked a direct question, to keep their shoes off the furniture, not yell at anyone, and not knock down any old people (success, but barely on that one). That doesn’t seem like a terrible bar to set. And an “I’m disappointed in you” speech and denial of the reward seems like the appropriate response.
    Gah. What a lovely weekend. And of course, right in the middle of it, I got a rager of a period. As in, I added up 90ml lost yesterday alone. That’s a lot of diva cup emptying for a road trip.

  39. Remodeled kitchen during consecutive blizzards. Kitchen is lovely. Money is gone. While cleaning up from renovation, we discovered that the wall (plaster, full of lead paint) is wet in one corner of the the dining room, and the floor has pulled away from the baseboard. Should mention that we have had this looked at by several people and now need an engineer- with the happy news that it can take months to figure out where the water is coming from. Should mention that husband has sadly, slowly devolved into a huge jerk for various reasons and this will not likely improve matters.

  40. @hush and @Cloud – seriously, I have a couple of other friends with 6 month olds who are suddenly not sleeping well either. Is it a full moon or something?@Koshercow – maybe 20 month olds are just irrational, but is there something your husband does differently that makes your baby chill for him? maybe you could try it? Or just have him do as many diapers as possible… good luck!

  41. This seems so trivial compared to what everyone else is going through but I am frustrated.My almost 5 month old decided she only wants to eat a substantial amount at night. We went from eating at 7 PM, 1 AM and then 7 AM to 7 PM, 10, 1, 4, and just a few sips at 8. During the day she is so interested in what her almost 3 year old brother is doing….going into a dark quiet room for each feeding is not an option. Sigh…. Growth spurt? Doubt it since she isn’t interested in eating during the day. Any tips on how to get back to our old pattern?

  42. I just lost my primal scream! aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  43. @Koshercow, can you change her standing up? Or at least partly, to reduce the poop EVERYWHERE problem? That age is one where they are completely wired to be on their feet or on the belly, because everything is about locomotion. They *hate hate HATE* to be on their backs, you can’t walk or crawl that way. Mixed with age-appropriate limit-testing and quest for independence, and it’s a perfect storm of DO NOT CHANGE MY DIAPER!I’m guessing Dad has an easier time because of a combination of novelty (you change her most of the time, right?) and male firmness.
    The only thing that sort of worked for me was letting her stand up while I changed her. I got to be pretty quick at it, and it reduced the screaming, not to zero but at least to some percentage less than 100% of the time.

  44. @anonymouseketeer – my husband is stronger and able to forcibly get her to lie back on the changing table (sounds horrid, but i mean she can’t squirm out of it like she does with me). So, she doesn’t even try any more. It kills me every time. With me she wrestles like an octopus and even when I very determinedly kind of lie over the top of her, she absolutely still is able to squirm out of it every time.I do ask him to change her as much as my dignity will allow.

  45. @koshercow – don’t worry about dignity – just think of it as the most efficient way to get the job done ;)@maria – that is brilliant (standing up)! I’ll have to remember that.

  46. @maria and @anonymouseketeer – thanks for the support and suggestions! Yes, to hell with dignity!! But it does still make me feel down on myself when I ask him (he works at home and it is hard enough to keep boundaries). But anyway.I do change her standing up sometimes for just pee. I’ll try it for the poop too. Couldn’t be worse, could it, could it?
    Ahhh, can’t wait for potty training. After weaning. HA!

  47. @Charisse, ‘This tooth shall pass’…nice. I think I’ll plaster that everywhere in our house.@Cloud, I mean seriously, how can one tiny person produce so much saliva? My little guy has always drooled, but these last few days have been insane. And all those wet clothes that get crunchy when they dry = extra laundry. Yay. I think I might take him to the dr. tomorrow to make sure he doesn’t actually have an ear infection or something. And to add salt to the wound (or however the saying goes), I tried to give DS thick & goopy infant advil tonight. He was protesting, so I tried to do it quickly, but put too much in too fast and he threw up all over us. It’s definitely one of those ‘yes, I suck as a parent’ days. Argh. Yes son, I really am trying to make you feel better, not worse.
    @koshercow – been there done that. Oh how I feel your pain. On both accounts. I have no remedy for the car seat. Usually our struggle is over him wanting to walk around more, so if we have the time I walk with him to get him tired, then he doesn’t resist as much. But there are many times when we don’t have the time. Maybe I just need to work out at the gym more.
    As for the diaper change, I’m not going to suggest changing him while standing. Well, I suppose it might work if you use disposables. We use cloth so it was just out of the question to consider that. And, well, maybe I’m not just coordinated enough. FWIW, DS relaxed about (most) diaper changes around 21 months. But 12-21 months was hell. It would drive me completely batty. I just muscled through. We don’t use a strap (I hold him the whole time he’s on the table) so I guess my mama powers increased due to the fear of him falling off. I found the key was to hold both his ankles and get his knees bent. Was easier to keep him lying down like that. More control. Sometimes I changed him on the floor if he was doing that board straight thing. And I’m with @Anonymousketeer, forget about dignity. Efficiency and hygiene (for your kid) are the goals.

  48. I have a 2.5 year old foster son whom we are going to be able to adopt (hopefully by this summer). We are a two-mom family, and I feel as though my partner and son are doing wonderfully when it comes to bonding. I, on the other hand, feel as though I haven’t been able to bond as easily with him, and I am not sure how to induce bonding with him. We do a lot of the obvious things; one-on-one play time, bath time, bed time stories and songs, outings together, etc. And while we occasionally have great moments together, I still feel like there is something that isn’t clicking between him and I the way it appears to have clicked with he and my partner.Any thoughts? Ideas?

  49. @Koshercow – screw the dignity! There will be plenty of things that are easier for you than for your husband as you parent, so let him do this!@the milliner, I used cloth diapers, and it was fine for poopy standing up changes as well as pee. I used fairly structured diaper covers and maybe that helped? Not to say that there wasn’t a fair amount of wiping involved! But at least we didn’t so much have the screaming, flailing struggle. Oh, and definitely changes were on the floor or the bed most of the time by that point. I got too nervous about her flinging herself off the changing table. Although I guess in public bathrooms we still used the tables, cause yuck!

  50. My primal scream is for sleep… or lack thereof. And for how I torture myself by reading stupid parenting books that say my 12 week old is perfectly capable of sleeping through the night by now, and that the only reason she isn’t is because I’m “accidental parenting” or using a “prop” with the pacifier and by rocking her to sleep and I can’t get her on a routine for the life of me. Who ARE these babies in these books who will sleep for their prescribed hour and a half nap and will eat until full every time? Don’t these babies ever wake up after 1/2 an hour and refuse to go back to sleep, throwing the routine out the window? Don’t they ever refuse the breast, or have a fussy feed, and need to eat again in an hour? WHO ARE THESE BABIES WHO ARE SO BLOODY PERFECT AND SLEEP ALL EFFING NIGHT LONG???Ah. That’s better.

  51. If I can’t manage to go back to work soon I am going to go stark raving mad. Sometimes I think I already am. The good news is that I really really – no, REALLY this time! – realized this over the weekend and will do whatever it takes, whatever it requires of my husband/family in the long run… and even though it is very likely that this will require a 1.5 hour one-way commute every day. Gah.@koshercow, have you thought about some beginning potty-learning? We start young here, and it seems to help with the diaper change hysteria a bit for some reason. Now that I think of it, my older daughter was actually 20 months when she really started getting it and did most of her business on the toilet as long as she was naked. I think Early Start Potty Training may have been the book I liked best.

  52. @Melba – IMNSHO those books are a crock. Some babies do sleep like that, but they are very much in the minority. For the vast majority of babies, it is a physiological impossibility to sleep uninterrupted for 12 hours at 12 weeks.There is the rare set of circumstances where everything comes together to allow to it happen (eg all of the following co-occurring: baby was born big, baby is gaining rapidly, baby has a low metabolic rate, baby is temperamentally introverted, baby has a mellow disposition, baby has an unusually large stomach capacity, and mom’s milk is like a firehose). None of those things are things you can will into being.
    Just because it can happen occasionally, doesn’t mean it is reasonable to expect that it always will. Just because an occasional person can run a four minute mile does not mean that is reasonable for you to expect your son to do it, even if you do read all their training manuals
    You just don’t have that baby. Instead, look at the baby you DO have, and figure out the best way for you to rest in the circumstances you actually have.
    Don’t waste time berating yourself.

  53. @koshercow – a few times in particular when my son was younger i set a change pad on the floor/bed, sat down by his feet and *ever so gently* used my feet to pin his shoulders down. it kind of involves some flexibility because you have to figure out if you can maneuver the diaper change from under your knees or over them. hope that makes sense!

  54. Thanks GinaFordshouldgotojail. I know I shouldn’t read the books and shouldn’t take them to heart. But when I’m exhausted and desperate, I look for a solution, and find some “expert” who basically makes you feel like a failure. Damn you Hogg, Sears, Ferber, Panley, did I miss anyone? i’m sure I did.The sad thing is that I learned this lesson with my first. When she was about 12 weeks old also, my husband took away all the parenting books and my sanity improved. Mind you my first baby DID sleep like a champ, going from 10 pm to 5 am without waking up by the time she was 3 months old. I am the same parent doing the same things, and this baby of course is her own little person with her own ways and isn’t just like her big sister was. I do accept her for who she is, but man am I tired.
    I’ll put away the books now.
    Also, @Kosherkow, when my toddler started doing the diaper fits, I switched to Pullups and did it standing. I even got her to bend over for the heavy duty wipe jobs. Somehow this wasn’t as offensive as a lay down change! And we had the car fits too, those I never did figure out how to control/handle. Forcing a kid’s butt into the back of the seat is not a pretty maneuver, we all know there’s only one way to do it. But you have to get the kid in there somehow!

  55. @Melba – I’m with @GinaFord… We have an “easy”, mellow 6 month old, and even she is still not on a routine or schedule. She eats when she wants to (or screams bloody murder) and naps when she wants to. I think she ate about 17 times yesterday. So yeah, at 12 weeks, I’m not sure it’s reasonable to expect a set routine.When I need it, I get more sleep around here by nursing in bed, and then I just nap after the baby falls asleep. (Especially helpful lately with all the night wakings.)
    Seriously, it’s not something you’re doing/not doing. It’s totally your baby’s vibe/personality/whatever. Burn the book(s).

  56. My husband must be CIA, he dug this out of the laptop for me:#1) what’s with this Scarlet Fever? 3 in 37 posts??? That’s too much. Doesn’t it sound a bit like antibiotic resistant streptococcus? nn#2) SOme of you are working soooo hard! I hope you have enough $ to hire a sitter alot, and if you can’t find one, check out the online nanny services that promise references and background checks.nn#3) Just say “NO” to sports/activities that require more than one slot per week when husband/ex is not participating. Promise ice cream and popcorn on those days, instead, or bathtub-shaving cream-painting, or bathtub jello. Something you can stay home with and clean up from a non-upholstered/non-carpeted zone. Practice: “Sorry, we can’t”. “We’re not going to do that because then you’d miss the jello-in-the-tub party every tuesday thursday and Saturday morning!”nn#4) say yes to drugs and all help! I bottle fed and took drugs and made it through after 10 months. Balls-out ask for help. Demand it, if you have to. Keep asking for what you need. You have every right. nn#5) Primal Scream: Oh these f-ing monstrous, bionic Northern Virginia Ants!!!! They are every-fucking- where. In every room, in the food, in my long hair, in our beds at night. We are in a lovely rented 50 year old brick town house that has used so much pesticide over the years that these robots will not die. Its a small place and our 4 year old still rolls and lolls and crawls all over, AND DH lost a testicle to cancer so is obsessively afraid of chemicals, spends hours naturally chasing them down and filling holes and studying where they come in, yet conscientiously not crushing them. No really, he is sweeping up and releasing the live ants. We have used every natural rx, vacuumed millions, and now we seem to be onto the next species, that cares not for boric acid and sugar. I’m SURE if we poked a hole in the ceiling, ants would pour out.nn#5b.) DD (4yo, exposed to nicotine, crack and what-have-you in utero) in 14 days has had 12 in a row with at least one tantrum a day, usually 3 or 4 that last 30 minutes. It so hard not to be coercive,and time out just doesn’t work. FU, Time Out!nn#6) I am obsessed with the weight i have been gaining over 4 years, especially in the last year, but can’t seem to stop it. I dream about it. I don’t have sex about it. Last spring I trained for a half-marathon and gained 10 pounds (NOT MUSCLE, STOMACH) eating carbs and saying “I’m running a marathon.”nnthank you for reading, I love you

  57. @koshercow- ah, the young toddler car seat meltdown phase. Go hang out outside a day care at pick up time, and you’ll see that you are not alone. I got through that phase with a mixture of force, distraction, and bribery (i.e., I used whatever worked on any given day). It ends sometime before 2.@Melba- my first child didn’t sleep through the night until she was 2. When she started, it was because she was ready, not because of anything I did. I’d given up sometime around 1 year, I think. Things got a lot better in our house when I stopped trying to fix her sleep and started trying to find ways to get me enough sleep. If you think it would help, go to my blog and click on the “sleep” label and you can read the whole sordid history.
    My second sleeps much better- or she did before someone called the meeting of 6 month olds and told them to stop sleeping. She has already gone through one period of sleeping through the night, something my first daughter didn’t do until after she turned 2. I swear we haven’t done anything differently. Some kids just sleep better than others.

  58. @Kate – it will click, just give it time. And you will never have the exact same kind of relationship with him that your partner does, because you’re different people and will bond in different ways. My daughter totally goes to her dad for goofing off and playtime, likes him to give her her bath and get her ready for bed. She goes to me when she gets hurt or is upset and needs comforting. She wants me to read her bedtime story and tuck her in. She’s bonded in totally different ways with my husband and me, so maybe that’s what’s going on with you and your foster son? How long has he been with you? Maybe you just need to find your groove with him, and over time you’ll suddenly realize what your relationship with him is all about, and how its different than his relationship with your partner.I hope that made sense. Good luck with the adoption, that’s a wonderful thing. 🙂

  59. DH and I just flew back from a job interview for him. It would involve a cross country move, while I am 7mo (or more!) pregnant, 2ish months from now. Also trying to close on our first home there in time for the tax credit. Also, 3.5yo dd! We spent over an hour on the plane ride home trying to figure out logistics and still don’t have anything resembling an elegant solution. Also, while every possible sign points to yes, he doesn’t have an official offer yet (#$%#^!$! out-of-town administrators!), which means he can’t actually get the logistics with current employer worked out yet to figure out how much, if any, COBRA we’ll have to use to make sure the birth is covered. Did I mention that all our family lives a thousand miles away? And that he still has 3+ weeks of travel to complete for his current job. And even more complicating details that I won’t bore you with here… [insert primal scream here.]

  60. @Melba Re Kate: beautifully said! I think that works for me, too. My daughter likes daddy for almost everything, EXCEPT baking, boo boos, & snuggling with my pillowy self. Can’t think of anything else. Pretty much the rest of the time I keep house and swear to myself if he did more housework, she’d think I was fun, too…Relax, let it flow, try not to pressure yourself or him.
    Hugs!

  61. @Lisa, I hear you! About the weight gain (I’ve never before understood that whole “the weight is a layer of protection” thing, but that is totally what I’m doing. And obsessing because I hate it.@Melba, sleep deprivation is awful. It’s not your fault, it’s not your baby’s fault, it’s not the pacifier’s fault or anything. It’s life with an infant. It sounds like you really really need a break. Can you get someone, anyone, to babysit for an afternoon and let you get a nap? Even if you nap at home and they bring the baby in to nurse, or give her a bottle, or whatever. Things might look a lot less bleak if you got a little rest.
    Oh, and also? Have you tried letting the baby sleep in the carseat on top of the dryer while it’s running? My daughter slept there for HOURS once when she was about 3 months old.

  62. To all of you suffering through sleep deprivation and night-wakings. I feel your pain. The only thing that comforts me is the knowledge that “Every time one baby sleeps, another has to be awake.”My DS slept through the night once in 12 months. It was right after Christmas and the same night that my sister’s fabulous sleeper kept her awake all night long. So I have proof.
    Eventually, the little ones will sleep reasonably well i.e. you will feel human again. And then you’ll do dumb stuff like stay up late reading parenting blogs instead of going to bed.
    Nite nite every one!

  63. @Lisa- San Diego is one giant ant hill, I swear. I once had an epic infestation at an apartment I was renting. I got obsessive about putting all food in air tight containers and wiping up any water spills. That, plus filling holes and several rounds with the Windex really helped.Good luck!

  64. @KateMy daughter goes thru periods where she is particularly attached to me and doesn’t want anyone else. These periods have been at major transition times, like 18-24 months, 2.5-3 and she is starting to do it again now at 3.25. And then not all the time, thankfully. But she is particularly ambivalent towards her dad during these times, much to his disappointment, but once they have passed, she is back to doting on him.
    I’m sure it is just the timing. YOu are doing a fantastic job! They are a fickle lot 2.5 year olds. You’ll see, soon your LO will want only you.

  65. the only way i can sleep for more than two hours at a stretch is by going off my PPD meds. i have a kid (5yo) with asperger’s who screams constantly and is aggressive towards his little brother (3yo). my 3yo did not get a spot in kindergarten for next year so i am stuck for a long while yet.

  66. Dear Momof3,I haven’t finished reading through all of the posts but I wanted to say I’m glad you are taking steps to care for yourself. PPD is awful. Be well and know that this is a good step. Your family will come around when they see you are feeling better. Good thoughts your way.

  67. @anon4this2: The anger! I know. I feel like the world’s biggest jackass. But so angry: at him, at the work situation, at his therapist, at the kids, at myself for not being able to be the breadwinner.I wish I weren’t too tired to go running. (and that I had the time)
    Instead I drink a lot of tea. It doesn’t really help.

  68. Don’t have time to read all the comments, because I don’t have my own computer! Which is what I want to scream about.How can the IT guy think it’s at all okay to leave with my computer at 1:30 yesterday saying he’ll be back soon with a loaner computer and then not come back until 5:00 to tell me they are all out of loaners?!?! Did he really think I could sit around the office all day doing NOTHING? ALL my work is on the computer! Thank goodness I had the presence of mind (and impatience) to go home and work on my computer there yesterday.
    But now I’m back in the office, and still no computer. Wait, that was a knock on the door. Could it be my computer????

  69. Mia– have you tried a different dosing schedule, for instance taking 1/4 your usual dose , but at regular intervals, or taking it all in the morning, or taking it all at night? I took my meds all at night, but then couldn’t wake, so nibbled on them throughout the day. There is a surprising spectrum of flexibility with these drugs. I find ZOloft wakes me up too early then I can’t go back to sleep, so I take it with dinner, in stead of at bedtime like I used to. Regardless, they do make me sleepy every day, and by 3 pm I am desperate for a nap. I turn on the tv, block the doors with heavy furniture and sleep, begging my daughter to let me. I ususally don’t feel refreshed right after, but an hour later, I’m much better. Good luck! ps lots of autism spectrum support at mommy meltdown on facebook.

  70. @Maria, You are far more talented than I! Yeah, we use pre-folds with an extra cloth liner, so there are too many parts to keep together while trying to get it on a wriggling toddler.@koshercow, whatever works, works. Just wanted you to know that if the standing thing didn’t work for you…you’re not alone!

  71. @juliejaw11, no tips, just sympathy.DS was a little older (8 months, maybe?) but went through exactly what you describe. I even complained about it as reverse cycling because that seemed to fit it to a T. I could only get a decent nursing out of him if DD was at preschool (only 9 hrs/week) or sleeping herself (thankfully she still napped at that age and went to bed by 8pm). He hadn’t been a great sleeper until that point, but hadn’t needed to nurse 4 times at night either. I rode it out–couldn’t even drink coffee because he was sensitive to caffeine!–it must have gotten better because he nursed until 3y4m and I still have (most of) my faculties.

  72. DC Area people: I’m about to post about a get together. Please stop by my blog later today or tomorrow and let me know when and where is good for you all!@paola – I’m going with fluke! It certainly is just an earache, maybe in both ears. There’s still the chance that she’ll go back to sleeping well! I have hope for you!
    @maria – Glad your daughter is adjusting great to the new school. So sorry about the other crap! Does X know where you are now? I’m praying that he’ll be laughed out of court for even thinking about custody!
    @MomOthree – YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DAMAGE YOUR CHILD BY TAKING MEDS FOR PPD! Sorry to yell, but I feel that strongly about it. As my doctor pointed out to me while I was pregnant and very depressed, the research has shown quite clearly that depression has very bad affects on children (in the womb and outside), but research has not shown any clear indication of damage to children when mothers take doctor-approved medication for depression. I am currently taking z0l0ft while nursing (and took while pregnant), and it has been one of the best decisions I ever made for myself and for my children. Good for you, getting the medication you need!
    @the milliner – ” And why does it seem that the worst teething episodes are in the ‘easy’ periods? Which essentially removes the easy part.” AMEN! We seem to have the same problem in my household. I hope things start going smoother for you and yours!
    @eep – Congrats on the birth, but so sorry about baby being so sick! My niece had to have spinal tap to check for meningitis when she was a month or two old. It was rough. Also: EMAIL ME! I live on the Maryland side of DC, but it’s not far and maybe I can help in some way! Please let me pay forward some of the help I received after I had my second child!
    @SarcasticCarrie – Much hugs and sympathy! Scarlet fever? That’s crazy! So glad the younger one is not deaf and you are going to get some speech therapy.
    @Charisse – Good luck getting everything done! And if you Mom doesn’t want that much fat for dinner, tell her to eat a salad instead of the chicken pot pie! 😉
    …Only part way through comments… will come back later to read and respond more… I finally have my computer, but now have a day and a half worth of work to catch up on!

  73. @Koshercow – Did your 20 month old and my 16 month old get together and conspire against us. I’ll add that my son also SCREAMS when I put him in his stroller as well as the highchair, car seat and for diaper changes. This has been going on for a long time. It’s tough.

  74. @juliejaw11- have you tried a nursing cover? I had *some* luck with that. Of course, sometimes she just thought it was another fun toy to play with.

  75. @Julie – So great that your ex is being so understanding and cooperative! I hope you had a wonderful night to yourself!@Jac – I really believe that if there is any time in your kids life when you let them watch WAY to much TV and eat whatever, it’s when you are pregnant. You do what you’ve got to do to get through it.
    @Rudyinparis – Hugs to you! I hope that your hubby comes to his senses and prioritizes you and is more active in supporting your relationship. I hope the grace and dignity work, because I would probably be bitchy and too direct. (And very funny sign-off name.)
    @Cloud and @Anonymouseketeer – We went through a period with the baby boy around 6 months when he would wake up every 1-2 hours, so I feel you both! I’m happy to report that with a little sleep training (the Baby Sleep Boot Camp I came up with) and help from my SIL and expressed milk in bottles, we got to the other side and he’s been generally sleeping a ton better. You’ll figure out how to get through it! I have faith in both of you!
    @Michelle – My now 3 year old has been getting ear infections, and they totally suck! I hope your baby’s clears up soon. And sorry about all the drama with your husband’s ex!
    @Jan – Oh, honey! You are in a tough spot. I wish I had some good advice, but I am tending towards Cloud’s wish for Rudyinparis: I want to take your husband aside and sort him out! You keep on doing what you are doing. Oh, here’s a thought: What if you treated your husband like the kids and try to identify and find teachable moments so he will hopefully come to see that what you are doing is working? Good luck returning to work! It will definitely be tough. Bring lots of pictures into your new office.
    @Shana – So sorry for your losses and not having a new place to move into yet.
    Okay, catching up, but taking me time…

  76. @koshercow – When we went through the same thing, we switched to Pull-Ups. It. was. fantastic! Made it pretty easy to change even a poopy diaper standing up. Also, it was new and therefore interesting to the toddler. We also tried her on the potty, especially when she looked like she was or was about to poop (we’d run her over to it). It’s so much easier to clean up once they actually poop on the potty.@Kate – I found that my daughter went through different phases around 2-3 of wanting either only me or only my spouse. My best suggestion is to keep doing what you are doing and give it more time. Good luck!
    @Melba – THOSE BOOKS LIE!!! Through them out, and keep parenting your child. When my son was just two weeks over 6 months old, my SIL gave me the night off and took him and four bottles of expressed breastmilk. Halfway through the night I woke up to pump, and when I put the bottles in the fridge, I found a note from my SIL asking for more milk. He had drank ALL FOUR BOTTLES! Did I mention he was over 6 months old? I did? Let me say it again: He was over 6 months old and was so hungry during the night that he drank a total of 6 and a half bottles that night. Eff the stupid books. Some babies are hungry and some (like my daughter) are simply unable to self-soothe back to sleep. You know your baby, and the author of those books do not. /rant
    @GinaFordshouldgotojail – AMEN!
    @Lisa – Your husband rocks for recovering that! I was going to suggest boric acid, but I see that they don’t like it. I got nothing but sympathy. It’s the time of year when we have to keep our counters and floors spotless or else the ants will invade and I will spend WAY to much time killing the little buggers every morning. Grrr.
    Okay, all caught up. I had a really terrible day yesterday and am super stressed at work, but I apparently don’t want to scream about it. I just want to hug you all virtually. 🙂

  77. I am suddenly thankful to be plagued by mosquitos and not by ants. I never thought I’d ever have anything nice to say about mosquitos.Virtual healing to you all. I hope today is a little brighter.

  78. I’m not usually (up until now, never) the bitter infertile, but I am so angry about a pregnancy in my parter’s circle of friends that I could… I don’t know. I’ve been ranting and raving both in my head and to my partner, who is (rightfully) confused at the head-spinning and pea-soup-vomiting. It’s a complete change from my usual response- a day of sadness, maybe a little weepy over all the what-could-have-beens- that I am almost scaring myself. Thank gord I see my therapist on Monday; if it’s not out of my system by then I can talk to him about it and hopefully work it out.

  79. Cara mama, U ROCK! Thanks for touching on so much! @SO totally anon, at one point in my life I thought of ordering myself a custom bumber sticker that said ” Yes, I’m Bitter”. Sometimes it feels good to indulge, I just don’t know if its healthy. DH thinks I embrace my dark side with a bit too much enthusiasm. He keeps me on the straight and narrow. I’m hoping these ants have a very short half-life. Then yes, we are on to mosquitoes. Are they bad in Charlotte? We’re moving….

  80. @caramama – you are awesome 🙂 last night was better, mostly. We put the baby to sleep in our bed, figuring she’d get up before we went to bed, and we’d move her. Except that she didn’t. Which is great, except my husband had to sleep on the couch because we don’t dare move her while she’s sleeping. 🙂 Can’t have everything, I guess.

  81. Caramama, you are such a considerate person! I feel like I know who you were in high school–the girl who was popular for all the *right* reasons.

  82. @So totally anon for this one – It’s okay to be bitter and not yourself. Infertility is SO FREAKING HARD to go through (BTDT). It’s absolutely okay to feel an entire range of emotions, especially negative ones, when you are going through it. Two kids and many years later, I’m still a bit (ormaybemorethanabit) bitter. My only caveat to “feel what you feel and don’t feel bad about it” is that people should be very careful not to take it out on their partner. It’s hard for both people to go through, but it made it easier for us when we took a we’re-in-this-shitty-experience-together attitude. Good luck!Thanks, you guys. I just really love the primal scream posts because I feel like we really get to know each other and are here to support each other outside of the normal kids/non-sleeping/parenting issues.
    @Rudyinparis – I was not popular in high school. I was more the girl who got along with just about everyone, but my best friends went to private schools. I just like people, I guess. 🙂
    Oh, also I was thinking about you and your issue this morning. You see, we have a neighbor whose 3 yo daughter also goes to my daughter’s pre-school. When I first recognized the father as the neighbor, I immediately said I know you and started chatted. I noticed he was nice, but a little stand-offish that time and a few other times. He is a very good-looking man, and so I made a point to talk about my husband a few times and the one time I saw his wife, I made sure to talk with her and let her know who I was. He seems more comfortable talking to me now. I’m hoping to start having playdates with them, and we exchanged numbers. But I am on the same schedule as the dad, so I see him all the time. But because he is so good looking, I want to be very sure that no one gets the wrong idea. Anyway, I thought about your issue when I ran into him again this morning. Did I mention he is very good looking? I’m in no way interested, but he is nice to look at. I’d still rather look at my own handsome husband! 😉

  83. Yeah, Caramama, that’s just it—you, with your handsome neighbor, are following the sort of unspoken social contract—you mention your husband, introduce yourself to the wife, etc… the thing with my neighbor is she isn’t following these implicit rules and it makes things uncomfortable, for both me and my husband. It’s hard, if not impossible, to call people out for not following what are subtle, cultural understandings. It’s baffling and confusing. Mostly, I don’t blame her at all for her thoughts and evident fantasies, but I do wish she was better at keeping them to herself!

  84. @Rudyinparis – I have no idea how you would explain something like that, or frankly how you would deal with it at all! It actually took me a lot of thought to figure out what was going on with this guy. When my husband and I first had a brief encounter with him and his wife (plus all our kids), he was very friendly and warm and talkative, as was his wife. It was months later when his daughter started at the pre-school, and I was very surprised that he was so stand-offish. It took quite a few encounters to figure it out. And I’m pretty in tune socially, so I imagine it would be really hard to navigate in other circumstances.Or she knows and just doesn’t care. In that case, it’s even more difficult to navigate! Ugh!

  85. @caramama, Thanks for the virtual hug! Happily, things have returned back to normal. The teeth aren’t through yet, but the intense pain/waking/temper tantrums are gone…for now.

  86. I’m days late, but I need to scream, even if no one is reading. My three-year-old is pushing me to the limit and I am at the point of not really liking her. We just bought our first home, but I’m starting to not like it. It is a townhome in a new town and I have no energy to go out and build a network…again. I’ve moved every two to four years recently, just long enough to meet people, but not long enough to make permanent friends. I’m pregnant, due in Jul,y and I am not looking forward to bringing another personality into this world that I have to figure out and parent. After a fantastic friend pointed out that I am depressed, I got counseling. After my first meeting, the counselor wasn’t available for over a month, so I’ve been trying to handle all these emotions with help from very good friends and my supportive husband. I get teased by having bouts of feeling okay and then get slammed when my DD acts up at school and throttles a kid, hits the teacher, and screams at everyone. Then I find myself crying in front of people at the school and over the phone to my hubby. Parenting is not for wimps, and I’m feeling kinda wimpy.

  87. I really love your blog!I’ve bookmarked it and told my blogger freak friends about it. It’s intelligent, sometimes funny and always refreshingly honest. Keep Up The Good Work!

  88. Cavewoman Snow #1 $3.75 because I have been flliowong Budd since the Caliber Press days;Hate Annual $ 4.95 because you can’t live without Peter Bagge annual humour!Ultimate X-Men Marvel’s Greatest Comics #1, $1.00 I usually buy every low price copy to keep a reading copy of comics I have loved a lot (this being the case) or to try new titles;Walking Dead #84, $2.99 because I want to read it every month, as always (the Italian edition publisher and translator are friends and both from my town, btw ;Godzilla Kingdom of Monsters #2 $3.99 I love everything Godzilla and the new mini was very fine;Mighty Thor #1, $ 3.99 Just saw the movie yesterday and it was great, great director Kenneth Branagh as expected, very good Stracz screenplay also, easy to follow for absolute newcomers too but with sufficient nerd references too;Secret Avengers #12.1 $2.99 I have ordered all Point One issue so far, the premises sounds good!FF # 2 $ 2.99 well, Jonathan Hickman stories have been great so far, so I have great expectation about this new title, although Spidey inclusion sounds odd to me, but when Walt Simonson did that several years ago, it was a lot of fun, so we’ll see .My total is really $ 26.65, I breached a few but I think that FF # 2 deserves this! )

  89. , you are a wonderful phaohgropter and an even better friend. When I read your post, I can’t believe that many years have gone by and how long we’ve know each other. Maybe it’s just all of our collective youthful approaches to life. Thanks again. You have a beautiful craft and I hope you keep seeing the world through your camera lense.

  90. This sad news was reported on my msaesge board by Mark Dooley, who wrote: It is with the greatest sorrow that I pass on the news that Elizabeth Sladen, known to all Doctor Who fans as the spunky Sarah Jane Smith, the Third and Fourth Doctor’s companion and star of her own highly successful spin-off The Sarah Jane Adventures, has unexpectedly passed away. Details are still pending. I met Ms. Sladen back in the 90 s and she was absolutely one of the most gracious celebrities I’ve ever met. Also incredibly immortal. It is tragic that Sarah Jane’s adventures have come to an end not only on TV, but here in the real world. I think I’m going to pop in School Reunion just to remind myself of what a wonderful thing it was to bring Liz back into the Doctor Who fold and just what a fantastic actress and human being she was. I am sad beyond words at this tragic news. I never had the honor meeting the actress, but I loved her work.Tony Isabella

  91. – Dear Kyle and Allison:This website is anzaimg and you can see all the hard work you have put into it. We enjoyed the look back at your last 3 years.What!! Is it really 3 years already??? You guys look so good andtotally in love which I must say makes the parents of Allison very happy and proud of all the great things you have done together. We had a great evening drinking wine and crusing thruall your very inventive pictures. Dad wants to know where you comeup with all the places you shoot. You pick or the couple picks.Hey but in the end it’s all look fabulowso.We are very proud of both of you. Kises and Hugs Mom and Dad

  92. Owe kredyty maja to do se, ze ich oprocentowanie jest wybitnie nieprymitywnego, a obok to calkowici labiedza, iz sa one horrendalnie kosztowne.Owo zas zdradza, ze w najblizszych latach to wlasnie dlugi w goldwasserach dominuja bazar kredytowy w Polsce, a kredyty monetarne beda tworem niszowym w celu najbogatszych uzytkownikow.
    Bezspornie, debet gotowkowy moga bractwo pod nagane ale wrecz te postaci, jakiego maja artyzm kredytowa.
    Zaczynamy kompletnie fuksem – od chwili promocji wierzytelnosci .
    Tamta mialka terminologiczna roznosc powoduje, iz w Polsce debet pozabankowy moze byc jednoczesnie tanszy niz 24% i drozszy anizeli 100%!
    http://www.inouibook.com/zap-cash-advance-loans-immediate-short-term-installment-loans-united-kingdom
    http://rogerkri.com/node/73007

  93. Podczas gdy jest bialoglowa najnizsza sposrod mozliwych (kredyt na 10 lat), rezygnujemy bankowi w sumie o powyzej 5000 zlociutkich wiecej, anizeli jesliby zadecydowac sie na najwyzsza stope (debet na rok).We wrzesniu – co rowniez typowe tudziez ogladane odkad wielu lat – po pozyczki entuzjastyczniej dosiegaja persony cielesnego przewodniczace aktywnosc nieekonomiczna – obdarza.
    Co z niebiezacego, iz zadluzenie gotowkowy istnieje niedrogi, skoro a w gruncie rzeczy go nie zdobede? Z takiego rozwiazania wysiada raz za razem wiecej jednostki oraz… raz po raz nagminniej przedrzeznia sie az do firm pozyczkowych.
    I to czestokroc prosto pod spodem nasze wejscie (gotowizne oferuje pracobiorca jednostce pozyczkowej)!
    Pewnym sposrod odrozniajacych sie pozyczkodawcow jest Wielkopolska Przedstawicielstwo Awansu Przedsiebiorczosci sposrod Poznania.
    http://elpoyo.com/?q=node/36235
    http://lsdd.cour-elfique.fr/content/paylessbills-summary-about-short-term-payday-cash-loans

  94. Zadluzenie jest owo udzielenie nazwanej liczbie platniczej za sprawa persone nienamacalna wzglednie instytucje na scharakteryzowane cele.SPOsRoD tego powodu petenci parabankow z zapalem postanawiaja sie na obsluge pokojowa.
    Azeby chwilowka byla iles tansza, winniscie przede kazdym w zolwim tempie zas szczegolowo przeanalizowac targ organizacyj pozyczkowych w Polsce.
    Co gorsza, natomiast saper pogrywa sie nic bardziej blednego uderzenie, pankowie spolki pozyczkowych pogrywaja sie w duzej mierze regularniej a – kiedy wykazuja tryb – nie przedluzaja malowartosciowych wnioskow ze swego postepowania.
    Temuz pozyczki spolecznosciowe z miejsca obwolano natomiast rozstrzygnieciem zachwycajacym, jakie powali wyzwanie nieroznym pozyczkom pozabankowym, zas nawet kredytom gotowkowym!
    chwilówki bez bik

  95. I pozyczki bez BIK plasuja sie na taz lejecie tamtej piramidy.Formalnosci sklejone z zaciaganiem kredytu konsolidacyjnego oczekuja tak jak gdy w losie pozostalych dlugow.
    Niemalo pozyczek pozabankowych wiaze sie chocby sposrod uiszczeniem daniny manipulacyjnych, cen roboczych lub oplat za dokladne zbadanie wniosku.
    Dla wielu sposrod nas nie ma tedy wiekszego pojecia, iz o pozyczka jest coraz ciezej. Grunt izby gdzies wynajac finanse – gdy nie w banku, to w parabanku.
    SPOsRoD mozliwosci biezacej sumiennie uzywaja wiec tamci, dla jakich chwilowka owo osobna opcja na uzyczenie pieniedzy.
    chwilówki przez internet

  96. TUDZIEz kto przekaze, nie nie ulega kwestii, bowiem rekomendowany w danym momencie ksztaltownik uzytkownika jest nagle strzezona enigma bankow.Historia sie ano, albowiem dlugi pozabankowe oprawia sie sposrod mnogoscia subsydiarnych kosztow, jakich ustawa aktualnie nie normuje.
    Nie majac naziemnych oddzialow, spolce te wysoce uciskaja osobiste wydatki, z powodu dlaczego zdolaja przekazywac niewlasne uzyski na wysoko lepszych przeslankach.
    Z pewnoscia wielu sposrod nas ofiaruje wydatne finanse za to, tak aby miec warunki dedykowac mniej wieku na comiesieczne splaty rat.
    Zadluzenie bez BIK – alternatywy
    kredyt bez bik
    http://goldgesso.garbogesso.com.br/node/89896

  97. Po trzecie: bez obslugi pokojowej zas nieobcych nadprogramowI co nimi istnieje? Owszem dopiero co, tutaj pojawia sie przeciwnosc.
    Chociazby z niebiezacego powodu, w kierunku radzie, powinno sie dac do obejrzenia, w jaki strategia instytucji pozyczkowe szachruja swoich petentow.
    Wykazuje sie gdyz, ze jest dozwolone pozyczac finanse wlasciwie z regulacja antylichwiarska (czyli na dole 24% rocznie), tudziez jednoczesnie zarabiac w duzym stopniu wiecej anizeli deklamuje uregulowanie.
    Najodpowiedniej widac to po debetach pozabankowych.
    kredyt bez bik
    http://market.e-ciuszki.eu/content/chwilowki-zdobadz-bezzwloczna

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