I just am not having luck with hitting the right buttons to make things post when I want them to. I started my new job Monday and was traveling for it yesterday, and didn’t realize this hadn’t posted. Sorry about that.
“I just found out I’m pregnant, and we’re thrilled. But my husband is about to finish grad school. We’d always thought when he finished we’d move about 800 miles from where we live now, for a better climate and slightly better job market for his field. Now that we’re having a baby, we’re starting to rethink. Both of our families live within 30 miles of us. The job market here is fine, if not as hot, as the other place. And I’m just worried that if we move to this new, exciting place and have no family support and have no friends yet by the time the baby’s born, I’ll feel trapped and isolated and miserable.
OTOH, if we don’t go now, will we ever know if we like it there?”
This is a tough one. And I think you’re going to have to sit down and really talk with each other to evaluate how you’d feel about raising achild close to family and away from family. Think about how introverted or extroverted you are and how easily you’d be able to make friends, and how entrenched you are in your current community.
Then assess (and you may want to talk to family members about this) realistically how much help your family will be to you. Will they help woth childcare? Do you want them to help with childcare? Will they be supportive but distant? Is there a high levelof conflict and drama in your families?
All these things are the kinds of things that will help you assess what to do. And there’s no right or wrong answer, just what works for you. Some people are better parents in the middle of their tribe, while others are better when they’re freed from familial expectations. Some people leave, only to wish they’d stayed to have help, while others pass up a new place only to find that they don’t get as much help at home as they’d thought they would.
I can’t be a good data point, because I’m living in a place I don’t want to be living, way too far from family. But for those of you with actual control over where you live (within the limits of jobs, etc.), what did you choose and why? Is it working out as you expected? Would you do anything differently?