Primal Scream Thursday

I’m so, so sorry everýone for disappearing on you. Let’s have a little primal scream here. As usualy, everyone’s issues are unique so there’s no misery poker. No issue too big or small to post.

Here are mine:

1. I went completely AWOL on you and didn’t even realize it until yesterday.

2. I was on a business trip and got a speeding ticket. I can call next week to get the amount I owe, which I fear will be as much as the cost of an actual car.

3. My apartment looks like a bomb went off in it. Still boxes, and I can’t find the hardware to put my couch or dining table back together.

4. I’m freaking out slightly about my kids getting older and not wanting me anymore.

See, mine are kind of whiny and not so bad. What are yours?

196 thoughts on “Primal Scream Thursday”

  1. Mine, also minor:1. realizing old friends may not be people I can turn to any more (good thing I am making new friends, I suppose)
    2. feeling overwhelmed at work – too much to do, not enough time
    3. living in a house while the knob-in-tube wiring is being completely updated is not fun (also, dusty).

  2. Mine, also minor:1. realizing old friends may not be people I can turn to any more (good thing I am making new friends, I suppose)
    2. feeling overwhelmed at work – too much to do, not enough time
    3. living in a house while the knob-in-tube wiring is being completely updated is not fun (also, dusty).

  3. Nothing serious here either. Mine:1. Ambrosia (ragweed) season and I’m suffering bigtime. Have decided that I need the vaccine next year. That or I need to move back to Australia.
    2. Second option is far more appealing as my MIL (who lives downstairs) is particularly aggressive and annoying at the moment.
    3. This heat wave!!

  4. Nothing serious here either. Mine:1. Ambrosia (ragweed) season and I’m suffering bigtime. Have decided that I need the vaccine next year. That or I need to move back to Australia.
    2. Second option is far more appealing as my MIL (who lives downstairs) is particularly aggressive and annoying at the moment.
    3. This heat wave!!

  5. Frustrated that our new daycare keeps sending home notes saying that Rabbit is hitting the staff…without any indication that they want to talk to us about it or what they expect from us or what they are doing. Angry that this means that I am going to have to engage in this relationship and lead the way AGAIN. Is there no one else out there to lead???AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  6. Frustrated that our new daycare keeps sending home notes saying that Rabbit is hitting the staff…without any indication that they want to talk to us about it or what they expect from us or what they are doing. Angry that this means that I am going to have to engage in this relationship and lead the way AGAIN. Is there no one else out there to lead???AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  7. My husband and I decided last night to go ahead and file for divorce. I am relieved, excited, and terrified. We have at least 60 days living in the same house before he can move out….and in that time I need to find a place for me and my boys to live that we can afford, which might mean breaking the lease we currently have. I have been keeping this decision under wraps for a few weeks from my family, so today I am going to tell my parents and I look forward to their support and help. Mostly I feel such a huge sense of relief that we are out of this no-man’s land of “will we or won’t we?”, and out of that “we’re really trying to work it out” phase that was not working for either of us. Now we can just move forward. I’m praying for dignity, grace and as much peace as possible. For me the scariest thing is anticipating all the sucky things that I don’t know about that are most surely on their way….I know it’s going to be hard. I know I’m going to have a hard time figuring out a visitation schedule that works for both of us….I come from divorced parents, so I have a fair idea of how I’d like things to go from the kids’ point of view….but I’m not sure what to look out for as an adult. Advice, ideas on navigation through this process, mistakes you made that you wish you had known about ahead of time….all welcome.But hooray for me! This is a good thing.

  8. My husband and I decided last night to go ahead and file for divorce. I am relieved, excited, and terrified. We have at least 60 days living in the same house before he can move out….and in that time I need to find a place for me and my boys to live that we can afford, which might mean breaking the lease we currently have. I have been keeping this decision under wraps for a few weeks from my family, so today I am going to tell my parents and I look forward to their support and help. Mostly I feel such a huge sense of relief that we are out of this no-man’s land of “will we or won’t we?”, and out of that “we’re really trying to work it out” phase that was not working for either of us. Now we can just move forward. I’m praying for dignity, grace and as much peace as possible. For me the scariest thing is anticipating all the sucky things that I don’t know about that are most surely on their way….I know it’s going to be hard. I know I’m going to have a hard time figuring out a visitation schedule that works for both of us….I come from divorced parents, so I have a fair idea of how I’d like things to go from the kids’ point of view….but I’m not sure what to look out for as an adult. Advice, ideas on navigation through this process, mistakes you made that you wish you had known about ahead of time….all welcome.But hooray for me! This is a good thing.

  9. Julie, I wish you all the best. I only have the child of divorce perspective, so not much advice.My primal whines are:
    -34,000 people descended on my town this week (back to college!) and I am still in shock. God, people are exhausting.
    -3 of the 4 people in my house have pinkeye.
    -My easy sweet kid has turned into a 3 year old monster and my high-drama kid has turned into a nearly 6 year old paragon of maturity and sense. My world is reeling!

  10. Julie, I wish you all the best. I only have the child of divorce perspective, so not much advice.My primal whines are:
    -34,000 people descended on my town this week (back to college!) and I am still in shock. God, people are exhausting.
    -3 of the 4 people in my house have pinkeye.
    -My easy sweet kid has turned into a 3 year old monster and my high-drama kid has turned into a nearly 6 year old paragon of maturity and sense. My world is reeling!

  11. Just small things really, I am trying to count my blessings.1. I wish my bright, curious 23 month old would just STOP fiddling with stuff, specifically MY stuff. This morning I would have sold both my children for tuppence ha’penny. Now they are both asleep so I’ve taken them off Ebay!
    2. I wish my parents could sell their house and make the move they want to be near their mothers. They have had such a hard time for the last few years, so they deserve a break.
    3. I’m nervous about swine flu. Should I get my two children who are under 2 vaccinated? What about the future pregnancy we have planned? I’m trying to be calm and wait and see and take advice from trusted health care professionals, but this just niggles away at my thoughts in the background.
    4. My 23 month old is waking me up more at night than the 4 month old. I WANT MORE SLEEP and I want her to sleep the night through in her own bed, not sleeping on top of her poor father’s head(yes, really).
    5. I started running and it felt good and I want to do more I just need a bit of oommph to get myself out there and doing it. See lack of sleep above.
    Ahh, that feels better, nothing like a good primal scream on a Thursday!

  12. Just small things really, I am trying to count my blessings.1. I wish my bright, curious 23 month old would just STOP fiddling with stuff, specifically MY stuff. This morning I would have sold both my children for tuppence ha’penny. Now they are both asleep so I’ve taken them off Ebay!
    2. I wish my parents could sell their house and make the move they want to be near their mothers. They have had such a hard time for the last few years, so they deserve a break.
    3. I’m nervous about swine flu. Should I get my two children who are under 2 vaccinated? What about the future pregnancy we have planned? I’m trying to be calm and wait and see and take advice from trusted health care professionals, but this just niggles away at my thoughts in the background.
    4. My 23 month old is waking me up more at night than the 4 month old. I WANT MORE SLEEP and I want her to sleep the night through in her own bed, not sleeping on top of her poor father’s head(yes, really).
    5. I started running and it felt good and I want to do more I just need a bit of oommph to get myself out there and doing it. See lack of sleep above.
    Ahh, that feels better, nothing like a good primal scream on a Thursday!

  13. i’m just glad you’re ok, moxie. i was a bit concerned.mine are whiny, too. why ask parents of preschoolers to sell very expensive wrapping paper & candy? why not just ask for a donation? anyway, that’s what i did, just ask friends & family for $$.
    my mama & toddler-helper extraordinaire is having fun in alaska. yay for her & we’re doing great, but waah anyway.
    because of conflicting schedules, no time in foreseeable future to visit boyfriend in arlington. waah.

  14. i’m just glad you’re ok, moxie. i was a bit concerned.mine are whiny, too. why ask parents of preschoolers to sell very expensive wrapping paper & candy? why not just ask for a donation? anyway, that’s what i did, just ask friends & family for $$.
    my mama & toddler-helper extraordinaire is having fun in alaska. yay for her & we’re doing great, but waah anyway.
    because of conflicting schedules, no time in foreseeable future to visit boyfriend in arlington. waah.

  15. I have had several weeks of shoulder pain that so far is made better by ibuprofen and rest. I am hoping beyond hope that it’s not a torn rotator cuff or anything else that requires surgery – I don’t know how I’d do the not-driving or rehab with 3 kids. The babysitting and driving help I’d need would be a nightmare and possibly impossible.OTOH, I’ve had to severely curtail my movements and while I have a high pain tolerance, chronic pain is wearing.

  16. I have had several weeks of shoulder pain that so far is made better by ibuprofen and rest. I am hoping beyond hope that it’s not a torn rotator cuff or anything else that requires surgery – I don’t know how I’d do the not-driving or rehab with 3 kids. The babysitting and driving help I’d need would be a nightmare and possibly impossible.OTOH, I’ve had to severely curtail my movements and while I have a high pain tolerance, chronic pain is wearing.

  17. First cases of swine flu reported at T’s daycare this week.School starts back up for me and for A who is going into third grade this coming Tuesday. I’m going to miss my nights at home with the family.
    I wish we could sell our house because the one bathroom is getting really cramped.
    Life is actually going just fine but I just can’t shake this restless, isn’t there more to this feeling. I hate that. I know it could be worse, I know I have it good. I push the feelings and thoughts away but they keep coming back and I hate, hate it. Started jogging. Hoping to out run it.

  18. First cases of swine flu reported at T’s daycare this week.School starts back up for me and for A who is going into third grade this coming Tuesday. I’m going to miss my nights at home with the family.
    I wish we could sell our house because the one bathroom is getting really cramped.
    Life is actually going just fine but I just can’t shake this restless, isn’t there more to this feeling. I hate that. I know it could be worse, I know I have it good. I push the feelings and thoughts away but they keep coming back and I hate, hate it. Started jogging. Hoping to out run it.

  19. I’m ready to sleep through the night – I spoke up recently and said I’d like to be the Daisy leader and now I’ve been consistenly waking up between 4 and 5 am, thinking about all the (mostly fun) things I’d like to do and have to remember and on and on. The tiredness and distractedness is making me short with my family, which is no fun for anyone, and so not the point of signing up for the job (that I am totally jazzed about!).Work is crazy busy. School starts Monday. Meet the teacher is tomorrow.

  20. My primal screams are:-my milk seems to be drying up, the freezer is empty, husband is bringing baby to work just to make it thru this week.
    -looking for a new job before current contract runs out in 2 months.

  21. I’m angry that I’m allowing myself to neglect my job in a serious way to help out my SAHD spouse while the daycare is on vacation. And angry that he doesn’t get how much I’m sacrificing. And that he played video games when I took baby off his hands for an hour last evening, leaving the house in its current state of chaos. I’m angry that when I put in an effort to get the kitchen or even the house clean, he slacks off even more with the tidying. So the only way to decrease my resentment is to slack off on the cleaning too, which means we have a depressingly messy house.But I do have to remember how amazingly good he is with the baby.
    And daycare starts again tomorrow!!!
    So if he doesn’t start doing a bit of housework then I will have a really big reason to be pissed off.
    No, he does not have another job besides SAHD – only non-paying jobs that he insists on taking on, and then he tacitly expects me to neglect my (paying) job to give him time to fulfill these extra commitments he’s made.
    Yes, I know it’s tough to be the homemaker.
    But COME ON!!!!

  22. I’m angry that I’m allowing myself to neglect my job in a serious way to help out my SAHD spouse while the daycare is on vacation. And angry that he doesn’t get how much I’m sacrificing. And that he played video games when I took baby off his hands for an hour last evening, leaving the house in its current state of chaos. I’m angry that when I put in an effort to get the kitchen or even the house clean, he slacks off even more with the tidying. So the only way to decrease my resentment is to slack off on the cleaning too, which means we have a depressingly messy house.But I do have to remember how amazingly good he is with the baby.
    And daycare starts again tomorrow!!!
    So if he doesn’t start doing a bit of housework then I will have a really big reason to be pissed off.
    No, he does not have another job besides SAHD – only non-paying jobs that he insists on taking on, and then he tacitly expects me to neglect my (paying) job to give him time to fulfill these extra commitments he’s made.
    Yes, I know it’s tough to be the homemaker.
    But COME ON!!!!

  23. I am having a new baby on Monday, and one of my cats has decided to start having litter box issues. I spent the last week scrubbing floors and washing sheets every day, until I finally gave in and took him to the vet yesterday – where they told me they needed to do $500 worth of diagnostic work. It took me bursting into tears in the lobby for them to realize that no, I really DON’T HAVE $500. They’re treating him for what they think they have, and I’m supposed to get him back Friday, but who knows if the litter box issues will remain solved.Also, my two year old has gone full-bore nutso, with the screaming and the destructiveness and apparent dedication to driving me COMPLETELY INSANE. She wants to climb on me, hit me, poke me, tickle me, grab me, yank my hair….it’s never-ending. Did I mention that I’m having a second baby on Monday?
    And my house is a mess. *sigh*

  24. I am having a new baby on Monday, and one of my cats has decided to start having litter box issues. I spent the last week scrubbing floors and washing sheets every day, until I finally gave in and took him to the vet yesterday – where they told me they needed to do $500 worth of diagnostic work. It took me bursting into tears in the lobby for them to realize that no, I really DON’T HAVE $500. They’re treating him for what they think they have, and I’m supposed to get him back Friday, but who knows if the litter box issues will remain solved.Also, my two year old has gone full-bore nutso, with the screaming and the destructiveness and apparent dedication to driving me COMPLETELY INSANE. She wants to climb on me, hit me, poke me, tickle me, grab me, yank my hair….it’s never-ending. Did I mention that I’m having a second baby on Monday?
    And my house is a mess. *sigh*

  25. had a root canal yesterday- jesus they hurt! kind of put a monkey wrench in many plans for yesterday and today. this is why regular dentist visits are a good thing. how bout including dental in a public option? oh, wait.my uncle has been having a bad week. he doesn’t know where he is or when it is. he’s not sleeping well, which isn’t helping in the least. it’s wearing on us and shortening my temper. sigh.
    the bean is in a big cling-on phase right now. but, with the twist of “i want you, pick me up, now i’ll hit you, put me down, no don’t put me down, wah!!!” god help me.
    we are going on vacation saturday! which is good except for all the packing i need to do. i am looking forward to being away from here and having fun, scared that we are basically just moving the chaos from one location to another unfamiliar more rustic one.
    only good things for you, julie.

  26. had a root canal yesterday- jesus they hurt! kind of put a monkey wrench in many plans for yesterday and today. this is why regular dentist visits are a good thing. how bout including dental in a public option? oh, wait.my uncle has been having a bad week. he doesn’t know where he is or when it is. he’s not sleeping well, which isn’t helping in the least. it’s wearing on us and shortening my temper. sigh.
    the bean is in a big cling-on phase right now. but, with the twist of “i want you, pick me up, now i’ll hit you, put me down, no don’t put me down, wah!!!” god help me.
    we are going on vacation saturday! which is good except for all the packing i need to do. i am looking forward to being away from here and having fun, scared that we are basically just moving the chaos from one location to another unfamiliar more rustic one.
    only good things for you, julie.

  27. @ Julie Good luck and hooray for getting you and our family out of limbo. No advice other than to keep working on great communication with your ex.This is a good week for this post.
    My son is getting 6 teeth at once.
    My BFF has an aunt with anxiety/depressive disorder. BFF identifies with the disorder and for years has been saying things to me like “Make sure I get help quickly if I ever get that bad.” Last week the aunt killed herself and BFF is unhinged. She lives 1000 miles away; we’ve been doing 2 hour phone calls daily. I’m the only one she has to talk to that isn’t also going through it. The good news is I think she’s finally ready to find a good therapist.
    I had a wisdom tooth out yesterday. The lead up was actually worse than the procedure. It was just like being pregnant, everyone that had their wisdom teeth out told me the scariest stories and scenarios. I was silently freaked out. I’m so glad it is over.
    We found out this week that our 14 year old dog has cancer. We’ll have to make a decision soon. We put her on steroids to make her more comfortable for now.
    I’ve had some minor health issues lately that tells me I’m not making my own health a priority. I need a diet change and more exercise – and lose a few dozen pounds. Right now I’m tired and can’t seem to get myself going. This week I’m resorting to a lot more videos than I’m comfortable with. This is not the mom I want to be.
    Everyone has a lot on their plate. My sisters have their own individual crisis to manage. BFF can’t even see straight. My support system is smaller than it was before the baby.
    Most of my good friends without kids won’t be having them. Many of them have taken a giant step back. It’s as if they don’t want to know what they’re missing. I’ve been expecting them to eventually fall in love with my kid, but now I realize this new distance might be permanent. This week I really needed them.

  28. @ Julie Good luck and hooray for getting you and our family out of limbo. No advice other than to keep working on great communication with your ex.This is a good week for this post.
    My son is getting 6 teeth at once.
    My BFF has an aunt with anxiety/depressive disorder. BFF identifies with the disorder and for years has been saying things to me like “Make sure I get help quickly if I ever get that bad.” Last week the aunt killed herself and BFF is unhinged. She lives 1000 miles away; we’ve been doing 2 hour phone calls daily. I’m the only one she has to talk to that isn’t also going through it. The good news is I think she’s finally ready to find a good therapist.
    I had a wisdom tooth out yesterday. The lead up was actually worse than the procedure. It was just like being pregnant, everyone that had their wisdom teeth out told me the scariest stories and scenarios. I was silently freaked out. I’m so glad it is over.
    We found out this week that our 14 year old dog has cancer. We’ll have to make a decision soon. We put her on steroids to make her more comfortable for now.
    I’ve had some minor health issues lately that tells me I’m not making my own health a priority. I need a diet change and more exercise – and lose a few dozen pounds. Right now I’m tired and can’t seem to get myself going. This week I’m resorting to a lot more videos than I’m comfortable with. This is not the mom I want to be.
    Everyone has a lot on their plate. My sisters have their own individual crisis to manage. BFF can’t even see straight. My support system is smaller than it was before the baby.
    Most of my good friends without kids won’t be having them. Many of them have taken a giant step back. It’s as if they don’t want to know what they’re missing. I’ve been expecting them to eventually fall in love with my kid, but now I realize this new distance might be permanent. This week I really needed them.

  29. My niece (just turned 1, lives 5 minutes from us) was diagnosed with “swine flu” yesterday. The midget is in day care 3 days a week, and I just assume this thing is going to run rampant through day care centers. UGH. I’m getting worried. Really worried. We are embarking on trying for #2, but that scares me too (I had HELLP last time and don’t want it again).The midget’s 2 year temper tantrums are in full swing, and it stresses me out.
    I can’t seem to sleep past 4:30 or 5:00, even though I’m totally exhausted.

  30. My niece (just turned 1, lives 5 minutes from us) was diagnosed with “swine flu” yesterday. The midget is in day care 3 days a week, and I just assume this thing is going to run rampant through day care centers. UGH. I’m getting worried. Really worried. We are embarking on trying for #2, but that scares me too (I had HELLP last time and don’t want it again).The midget’s 2 year temper tantrums are in full swing, and it stresses me out.
    I can’t seem to sleep past 4:30 or 5:00, even though I’m totally exhausted.

  31. My father-in-law didn’t acknowledge my husband or my daughter for their birthdays last week. This goes so far beyond the usual passive-aggressive bullshit, I can’t even take it. We sent out evites for her 3rd birthday party, and he viewed it FOUR times without RSVPing. I guess clicking the “Will not attend” box would have been too much for him.I’m trying not to let it get me down, because we’re surrounded by family we love, and my daughter doesn’t lack for grandparents. But I know it broke my husband’s heart that his own father either forgot his birthday or didn’t care enough to acknowledge it with a phone call.
    Feels SO GOOD to get that out. Whew.

  32. My father-in-law didn’t acknowledge my husband or my daughter for their birthdays last week. This goes so far beyond the usual passive-aggressive bullshit, I can’t even take it. We sent out evites for her 3rd birthday party, and he viewed it FOUR times without RSVPing. I guess clicking the “Will not attend” box would have been too much for him.I’m trying not to let it get me down, because we’re surrounded by family we love, and my daughter doesn’t lack for grandparents. But I know it broke my husband’s heart that his own father either forgot his birthday or didn’t care enough to acknowledge it with a phone call.
    Feels SO GOOD to get that out. Whew.

  33. 1) My old job told me that I had to work 4 days instead of 2.5 (and they could)and so I very luckily got myself a really good new job. The only problems now are…1) I’m scared I won’t live up to their expectations,
    2) In trying to live up to their expectations, I will be working every hour God sends and not appreciating my time with my (nearly) 2 year old,
    3) That I really want to get pregnant soonish and that could well piss off the new job,
    4) No chance of getting pregnant as breast feedinf the (nearly) 2 year old is still having an effect on my cycle. I’m trying to get her down to 2 sessions a day but she is NOT happy about this.
    UGH! Anyway, just minor ones really, mostly worrying about things rather than actual things.

  34. 1) My old job told me that I had to work 4 days instead of 2.5 (and they could)and so I very luckily got myself a really good new job. The only problems now are…1) I’m scared I won’t live up to their expectations,
    2) In trying to live up to their expectations, I will be working every hour God sends and not appreciating my time with my (nearly) 2 year old,
    3) That I really want to get pregnant soonish and that could well piss off the new job,
    4) No chance of getting pregnant as breast feedinf the (nearly) 2 year old is still having an effect on my cycle. I’m trying to get her down to 2 sessions a day but she is NOT happy about this.
    UGH! Anyway, just minor ones really, mostly worrying about things rather than actual things.

  35. You always know just when I need this!My 22 month old is hell on wheels right now! We went on vacation last week (3 hour time dif) and he started cutting his 2 year molars, two of them. We are home now and he is still miserable. Crying in his sleep even. I’m so at my breaking point- I know he is well past his.
    Add, my friend is coming tomorrow for the weekend even though I asked that she wait due to our just coming home from the trip. I just want a nap and for my kid to smile again. Mostly the latter.

  36. You always know just when I need this!My 22 month old is hell on wheels right now! We went on vacation last week (3 hour time dif) and he started cutting his 2 year molars, two of them. We are home now and he is still miserable. Crying in his sleep even. I’m so at my breaking point- I know he is well past his.
    Add, my friend is coming tomorrow for the weekend even though I asked that she wait due to our just coming home from the trip. I just want a nap and for my kid to smile again. Mostly the latter.

  37. @Julie–Good luck. I’m a child of divorce and a divorced parent. It’s not easy.My primal scream? My eldest has swine flu coupled with pneumonia. Tuesday was one of the scariest days in my life as I watched him spiral downward into hallucinations and disorientation. He’s on the mend now, but I’m waiting for the youngest to get it (the middle child had it first). I start teaching next week, am the new chair of the department, and I’ve missed EVERY meeting this week b/c of the health issues at home. I’m sure there are more absences to come. I *hate* missing work.
    Because of all of this, the house is in total disarray, and I have no energy left to do anything about it. Which makes my husband (who is already in a bad mood b/c he started teaching yesterday) even crankier… you can see where this is going.
    Sick kids, cranky and stressed parents… the perfect way to wrap up the summer.

  38. @Julie–Good luck. I’m a child of divorce and a divorced parent. It’s not easy.My primal scream? My eldest has swine flu coupled with pneumonia. Tuesday was one of the scariest days in my life as I watched him spiral downward into hallucinations and disorientation. He’s on the mend now, but I’m waiting for the youngest to get it (the middle child had it first). I start teaching next week, am the new chair of the department, and I’ve missed EVERY meeting this week b/c of the health issues at home. I’m sure there are more absences to come. I *hate* missing work.
    Because of all of this, the house is in total disarray, and I have no energy left to do anything about it. Which makes my husband (who is already in a bad mood b/c he started teaching yesterday) even crankier… you can see where this is going.
    Sick kids, cranky and stressed parents… the perfect way to wrap up the summer.

  39. The baby has chicken pox (too young to have received the vaccine).And my work lost power last night, so the pumping station lost pressure, so there is no potable water and no one thought to head to Costco and buy a pallet to bring in so there are a bunch of people who are thirsty and uncaffeinated (yikes!). It is not pleasant. I didn’t know about the boil order until after I got here or I would’ve brought my own (or not come in). At least we have water for the flushing back. That would’ve sent me home.

  40. The baby has chicken pox (too young to have received the vaccine).And my work lost power last night, so the pumping station lost pressure, so there is no potable water and no one thought to head to Costco and buy a pallet to bring in so there are a bunch of people who are thirsty and uncaffeinated (yikes!). It is not pleasant. I didn’t know about the boil order until after I got here or I would’ve brought my own (or not come in). At least we have water for the flushing back. That would’ve sent me home.

  41. Nothing too serious here, but I really need this today.My husband’s job is making him stressed to the point of exhaustion.
    Nervous and excited (and sad) that DD is heading off to Kindergarten next week.
    A little sad that my 10 month old seems to be weaning, but hoping it helps with his 4 AM wakings.
    Trying to wean myself off depression meds for the second time since DS was born. The first attempt was a complete disaster, so I’m scared about it and hyper sensitive to the signs of relapse. Any advice?

  42. Nothing too serious here, but I really need this today.My husband’s job is making him stressed to the point of exhaustion.
    Nervous and excited (and sad) that DD is heading off to Kindergarten next week.
    A little sad that my 10 month old seems to be weaning, but hoping it helps with his 4 AM wakings.
    Trying to wean myself off depression meds for the second time since DS was born. The first attempt was a complete disaster, so I’m scared about it and hyper sensitive to the signs of relapse. Any advice?

  43. We are still in limbo about the house we are trying to buy. It looks like we are actually going to be able to close which is good, but I am sick of living out of boxes.My daughter is SO READY to start preschool, and she will in a week and a half, but each day I get another report of her rude behaviour. She actually bit her friend yesterday. She’s bored and destructive because of it, and I have no solutions to that, sofortheloveofgodstoptellingmeaboutit.

  44. We are still in limbo about the house we are trying to buy. It looks like we are actually going to be able to close which is good, but I am sick of living out of boxes.My daughter is SO READY to start preschool, and she will in a week and a half, but each day I get another report of her rude behaviour. She actually bit her friend yesterday. She’s bored and destructive because of it, and I have no solutions to that, sofortheloveofgodstoptellingmeaboutit.

  45. * My 14-month-old is getting 6 teeth at once. One molar is in, one is almost all the way in, two have just poked through. Two eye-teeth are working their way through. He’s miserable, miserable, miserable. Two big scream-fests last night. All he wanted to do was nurse and I’m cycling right now so I think my supply has dipped, so he was frustrated at that, too. But this morning, he was acting like nothing happened, except he’s got a bit of a hoarse cough (I think/hope just from the screaming.)* I’m bored with my job but it pays well and I have a lot of flexibility. I’m just not sure what I want to do next and probably shouldn’t try to change things while the little man is so little. (We are one-and-done and have taken steps to permanently ensure that, so at least there’s not the add’l uncertainty of a possible 2nd kid.)
    * When he started eating more solids a few months back I started gaining weight. I’m TOTALLY DEPRESSED and filled with self-loathing about that, but am finding it impossible to find any time to *move* at all. Can someone point me to a T-TAPP primer or something?

  46. * My 14-month-old is getting 6 teeth at once. One molar is in, one is almost all the way in, two have just poked through. Two eye-teeth are working their way through. He’s miserable, miserable, miserable. Two big scream-fests last night. All he wanted to do was nurse and I’m cycling right now so I think my supply has dipped, so he was frustrated at that, too. But this morning, he was acting like nothing happened, except he’s got a bit of a hoarse cough (I think/hope just from the screaming.)* I’m bored with my job but it pays well and I have a lot of flexibility. I’m just not sure what I want to do next and probably shouldn’t try to change things while the little man is so little. (We are one-and-done and have taken steps to permanently ensure that, so at least there’s not the add’l uncertainty of a possible 2nd kid.)
    * When he started eating more solids a few months back I started gaining weight. I’m TOTALLY DEPRESSED and filled with self-loathing about that, but am finding it impossible to find any time to *move* at all. Can someone point me to a T-TAPP primer or something?

  47. OH. MY. GOD. WILL. YOU. KIDS. PLEASE. STOP. WHINING?!Ahem.
    Was up late working, or trying to. Will be doing the same tonight. Plus cooking. Plus the whining kids will still be here tomorrow. I mean, I’m happy for that, because I love them, but pleasefortheloveofkatestopwhining!

  48. OH. MY. GOD. WILL. YOU. KIDS. PLEASE. STOP. WHINING?!Ahem.
    Was up late working, or trying to. Will be doing the same tonight. Plus cooking. Plus the whining kids will still be here tomorrow. I mean, I’m happy for that, because I love them, but pleasefortheloveofkatestopwhining!

  49. @Julie, all the best to you, be gentle with yourself during these times of change@bkwym, Yay, new baby Monday!!!! hopw all goes well cat-wise –
    Only thing nagging away at the corner of my mind when my younger daughter and Bill may arrive in Boston at pretty close to the same time. Younger daughter is so welcome…. major hurricane, not so much. I need to have faith that she will deal with any missed connections and delays common-sensibly. She got a bit of my husband’s Norbert Wiener-like tendancies.
    And Moxie….? Slow down, gal! You don’t want points on your license ($$$ ouchies much more than the ticket itself, afaict) and besides, we want you around for a very long time – for your boys and for US 😉

  50. @Julie, all the best to you, be gentle with yourself during these times of change@bkwym, Yay, new baby Monday!!!! hopw all goes well cat-wise –
    Only thing nagging away at the corner of my mind when my younger daughter and Bill may arrive in Boston at pretty close to the same time. Younger daughter is so welcome…. major hurricane, not so much. I need to have faith that she will deal with any missed connections and delays common-sensibly. She got a bit of my husband’s Norbert Wiener-like tendancies.
    And Moxie….? Slow down, gal! You don’t want points on your license ($$$ ouchies much more than the ticket itself, afaict) and besides, we want you around for a very long time – for your boys and for US 😉

  51. I’m tired of being broke. Not poor, thankfully, but little extra once bills are paid, food is bought, etc. So no way we’ll ever be able to buy a house so we can live somewhere bigger. Which means no second child (even if DH wanted one, which he’s not sure he does).And the 2-year-old and I both have colds, which is annoying because I have a LOT to do this week, and I have no energy. Blah.

  52. I’m tired of being broke. Not poor, thankfully, but little extra once bills are paid, food is bought, etc. So no way we’ll ever be able to buy a house so we can live somewhere bigger. Which means no second child (even if DH wanted one, which he’s not sure he does).And the 2-year-old and I both have colds, which is annoying because I have a LOT to do this week, and I have no energy. Blah.

  53. Not really a scream, let’s say it’s a Primal Grunt of Frustration:My DH, currently SAHD, has an awesome opportunity but is depending on a friend to basically partner with him but said friend is being stubborn. DH is equally stubborn so it’s at a bit of a stalemate which leaves *us* in limbo.
    We have no one upon whom we can depend for childcare. We need to hire a babysitter/daddy-helper because we need a break here and there, but no extra money to do it right now (see: “in limbo” above)
    My job-share partner has decided not to return to work from maternity leave so I’m filling in which means more money (yay!) but also more time away from home and DH shouldering quite a bit (see: “need a break” above).
    We just need one or two things to fall into place and then – I hope – we’re golden.
    Big HUGS to all of you going through stressful situations! Sometimes it really does help just to let it out, even if it doesn’t magically solve anything. 🙂

  54. Not really a scream, let’s say it’s a Primal Grunt of Frustration:My DH, currently SAHD, has an awesome opportunity but is depending on a friend to basically partner with him but said friend is being stubborn. DH is equally stubborn so it’s at a bit of a stalemate which leaves *us* in limbo.
    We have no one upon whom we can depend for childcare. We need to hire a babysitter/daddy-helper because we need a break here and there, but no extra money to do it right now (see: “in limbo” above)
    My job-share partner has decided not to return to work from maternity leave so I’m filling in which means more money (yay!) but also more time away from home and DH shouldering quite a bit (see: “need a break” above).
    We just need one or two things to fall into place and then – I hope – we’re golden.
    Big HUGS to all of you going through stressful situations! Sometimes it really does help just to let it out, even if it doesn’t magically solve anything. 🙂

  55. Happy thoughts to everyone out there. What an effing mess life is.As for me, my 8-month-old is in mommy-attachment mode. I would carry him around all day in his wrap if I could, but I have to go to work. I cried all the way from daycare to the office every day this week. I know technically I am giving him what he needs (diapers, shelter, etc.) by working, but he obviously doesn’t understand this and I’d rather be giving him what he needs by snuggling him and reading to him and making him feel at ease. Rather than working at a sucky job I hate, coming home to cook/clean/laundry/prep for next day while he shuffles around on the floor with my step kids until it is time for me to put him to bed. Husband randomly participates for about 30 seconds out of each half hour; mostly staring at computer.
    Thanks for the chance to vent.

  56. Happy thoughts to everyone out there. What an effing mess life is.As for me, my 8-month-old is in mommy-attachment mode. I would carry him around all day in his wrap if I could, but I have to go to work. I cried all the way from daycare to the office every day this week. I know technically I am giving him what he needs (diapers, shelter, etc.) by working, but he obviously doesn’t understand this and I’d rather be giving him what he needs by snuggling him and reading to him and making him feel at ease. Rather than working at a sucky job I hate, coming home to cook/clean/laundry/prep for next day while he shuffles around on the floor with my step kids until it is time for me to put him to bed. Husband randomly participates for about 30 seconds out of each half hour; mostly staring at computer.
    Thanks for the chance to vent.

  57. I’m due in 2 1/2 weeks with #2 and freaking out that, as a VBAC hopeful, I won’t go into labor on my own and will be pressured into a repeat C-section and won’t be able to pick up my 2yo son for 8 weeks.Ahhhh… thanks for the chance to vent!

  58. I’m due in 2 1/2 weeks with #2 and freaking out that, as a VBAC hopeful, I won’t go into labor on my own and will be pressured into a repeat C-section and won’t be able to pick up my 2yo son for 8 weeks.Ahhhh… thanks for the chance to vent!

  59. Nothing bad, but if you’re asking me to whine:We are usually a healthy family, but my 8 year old son has been suffering with diarrhea for what seems like a lifetime but is probably a week, maybe two. And my 5 year old daughter has weird bumps on the backs of her legs that her doctor seems to think is a virus of some sort manifesting itself in a weird bump-like way.
    I am ready for school to start, but it’s still 3 weeks away.

  60. Nothing bad, but if you’re asking me to whine:We are usually a healthy family, but my 8 year old son has been suffering with diarrhea for what seems like a lifetime but is probably a week, maybe two. And my 5 year old daughter has weird bumps on the backs of her legs that her doctor seems to think is a virus of some sort manifesting itself in a weird bump-like way.
    I am ready for school to start, but it’s still 3 weeks away.

  61. Here’s as primal as primal gets for me:My brother died by suicide last month and the grief and the guilt are close to unbearable. But I’m bearing.
    I’m unemployed and finding it hard just to breathe, bathe, and brush my teeth, much less spice up my resume and muster the energy and enthusiasm I need for a real job search.
    (You kindly published two of my questions a couple of years ago about how to be a good aunt without being too pushy or interfering. I may be writing you soon for advice from you and the team on helping my nephews – ages 4 and 5 months – cope with their father’s death now and for the rest of their childhoods.)
    Thanks for this forum. I needed the scream.

  62. Here’s as primal as primal gets for me:My brother died by suicide last month and the grief and the guilt are close to unbearable. But I’m bearing.
    I’m unemployed and finding it hard just to breathe, bathe, and brush my teeth, much less spice up my resume and muster the energy and enthusiasm I need for a real job search.
    (You kindly published two of my questions a couple of years ago about how to be a good aunt without being too pushy or interfering. I may be writing you soon for advice from you and the team on helping my nephews – ages 4 and 5 months – cope with their father’s death now and for the rest of their childhoods.)
    Thanks for this forum. I needed the scream.

  63. OHMYGOD THANK YOU for posting this today.Came back from a weeklong vacation Saturday (our first in EIGHT YEARS) to find:
    Our bank cashed the check for the mortgage company that we sent and postdated (YES, I KNOW, now, you can’t do that. We did not know that then, obviously). Because they honored the check plus every little zing we did with our debit card while out of town? $507 in overdraft fees. Our bank SUCKS ROCKS HARD. I have called and begged them to reverse the fees and so far they won’t. Mind you, if they had just not honored the check like they should have done we’d be out some from the mortgage company and some from the bank, but nowhere near $500. Need I say, we absolutely can’t afford to have $500 vaporized from our checking account. There’s a reason we haven’t been on vacation in eight years and it’s not because we looovvvee our city so much.
    Because the house was vacant for a week, air built up in the pipes or some such and every time we used water, it would back up into the basement. So we have wet, sodden clothes downstairs (which were on the basement floor waiting to be washed because one thing you definetly bring back from a vacation with little kids is mounds of dirty clothes). The plumbing problem, thank whichever God of your choice, seems to have resolved itself. But we had to move the dryer because some of the water was coming out of a pipe right behind it, and I couldn’t get it hooked back up last night, so no laundry.
    Which is necessary because Tuesday morning, the baby came down with some sort of pukey nastiness. He was better yesterday but just a little bit ago puked juice ALL OVER ME. And my favorite shirt I put on thinking “wow, I might even make an effort to look cute today.” I am worried because he’s barfing up just about any liquid we give him and refusing to drink much. And it’s been super hot here since we got back (another thing adding to my crankiness, I HATE heat).
    And last night, when my husband opened out garage door to get the shopvac for me to vaccum out the dryer vent hose, the garage door broke. The cables that lift it and the tracks are all effed up and the wheels feel off. Because we can totally afford to fix something else with the $500 we just lost.
    AND, while he was dealing with that, the dog commenced to puke everywhere. We have ONE rug in this house, and guess where the majority of both the baby’s and the dog’s pukes landed?
    I’m beginning to wonder if the cottage we stayed in was over an ancient Indian burial ground or something, because WTF??

  64. OHMYGOD THANK YOU for posting this today.Came back from a weeklong vacation Saturday (our first in EIGHT YEARS) to find:
    Our bank cashed the check for the mortgage company that we sent and postdated (YES, I KNOW, now, you can’t do that. We did not know that then, obviously). Because they honored the check plus every little zing we did with our debit card while out of town? $507 in overdraft fees. Our bank SUCKS ROCKS HARD. I have called and begged them to reverse the fees and so far they won’t. Mind you, if they had just not honored the check like they should have done we’d be out some from the mortgage company and some from the bank, but nowhere near $500. Need I say, we absolutely can’t afford to have $500 vaporized from our checking account. There’s a reason we haven’t been on vacation in eight years and it’s not because we looovvvee our city so much.
    Because the house was vacant for a week, air built up in the pipes or some such and every time we used water, it would back up into the basement. So we have wet, sodden clothes downstairs (which were on the basement floor waiting to be washed because one thing you definetly bring back from a vacation with little kids is mounds of dirty clothes). The plumbing problem, thank whichever God of your choice, seems to have resolved itself. But we had to move the dryer because some of the water was coming out of a pipe right behind it, and I couldn’t get it hooked back up last night, so no laundry.
    Which is necessary because Tuesday morning, the baby came down with some sort of pukey nastiness. He was better yesterday but just a little bit ago puked juice ALL OVER ME. And my favorite shirt I put on thinking “wow, I might even make an effort to look cute today.” I am worried because he’s barfing up just about any liquid we give him and refusing to drink much. And it’s been super hot here since we got back (another thing adding to my crankiness, I HATE heat).
    And last night, when my husband opened out garage door to get the shopvac for me to vaccum out the dryer vent hose, the garage door broke. The cables that lift it and the tracks are all effed up and the wheels feel off. Because we can totally afford to fix something else with the $500 we just lost.
    AND, while he was dealing with that, the dog commenced to puke everywhere. We have ONE rug in this house, and guess where the majority of both the baby’s and the dog’s pukes landed?
    I’m beginning to wonder if the cottage we stayed in was over an ancient Indian burial ground or something, because WTF??

  65. Whew, reading some of the other concerns puts a little perspective.I’m thrilled that I finally ditched a professional relationship (retirement/investment advisor) that was totally bad and I’ve been meaning to quit for years (yes, years).
    I’m pissed that I just got the statement that says it cost me $600 to move from bad company to good company. Grr.

  66. Whew, reading some of the other concerns puts a little perspective.I’m thrilled that I finally ditched a professional relationship (retirement/investment advisor) that was totally bad and I’ve been meaning to quit for years (yes, years).
    I’m pissed that I just got the statement that says it cost me $600 to move from bad company to good company. Grr.

  67. My husband is so wonderful, it’s hard to complain about him… but…When I need his help, especially in the middle of the night, I need him to just do what I’m asking. Don’t ask if the baby really needs to be changed–I wouldn’t have woken him up if the baby didn’t need it! Don’t snap at me that you are moving as fast as you can when you obviously could be moving faster–there is a reason I’m telling you to hurry, like the leaky poop we had to deal with at 2:30 this morning. Yes, it turned into “we” because I ended up getting up to help get a new onesie and other stuff. Next time, I’ll go back to sleep and he can take care of it on his own. Or move faster when I say hurry.
    I’m not getting good sleep with the baby the past few nights. My c-section incision and ab muscles are really sore right now. I need him to help without a big hassle. I’m grumpy enough as it is.
    Also, I need to go to sleep earlier. That would help a lot.
    In general, things are going really well, though! I’m adjusting to having two kids pretty well.
    Now, I’ll go back and read the comments!

  68. My husband is so wonderful, it’s hard to complain about him… but…When I need his help, especially in the middle of the night, I need him to just do what I’m asking. Don’t ask if the baby really needs to be changed–I wouldn’t have woken him up if the baby didn’t need it! Don’t snap at me that you are moving as fast as you can when you obviously could be moving faster–there is a reason I’m telling you to hurry, like the leaky poop we had to deal with at 2:30 this morning. Yes, it turned into “we” because I ended up getting up to help get a new onesie and other stuff. Next time, I’ll go back to sleep and he can take care of it on his own. Or move faster when I say hurry.
    I’m not getting good sleep with the baby the past few nights. My c-section incision and ab muscles are really sore right now. I need him to help without a big hassle. I’m grumpy enough as it is.
    Also, I need to go to sleep earlier. That would help a lot.
    In general, things are going really well, though! I’m adjusting to having two kids pretty well.
    Now, I’ll go back and read the comments!

  69. Just primal squeaks from me:-big big workshop coming up on weds that I’m teaching for the first time. Just nervous.
    -meanwhile, last day of preschool is tomorrow and I”m running around trying to get a nice parting gift and do a cool art project for Mouse’s preschool teacher, who is the coolest person in the world
    -still don’t know who Mouse’s K teacher will be and they may not tell us until Monday, the first day of school. No big deal really, but she really wants to know.
    Lots of hugs to those of you dealing with the hard stuff!!!!

  70. Just primal squeaks from me:-big big workshop coming up on weds that I’m teaching for the first time. Just nervous.
    -meanwhile, last day of preschool is tomorrow and I”m running around trying to get a nice parting gift and do a cool art project for Mouse’s preschool teacher, who is the coolest person in the world
    -still don’t know who Mouse’s K teacher will be and they may not tell us until Monday, the first day of school. No big deal really, but she really wants to know.
    Lots of hugs to those of you dealing with the hard stuff!!!!

  71. OK, here I go:1. Have some major dental work coming up this year ($$), but at least overcame the anxiety I had to make that 1st appointment, so half of the battle is over.
    2. Have my 5-month-old in a home daycare I truly like, only to have my daycare provider tell me they’re moving. By Sept. 1. I have about a week to find a new daycare, and the zillions of calls I’ve made in the past 2 days haven’t gotten me anywhere. The center I toured yesterday is $143 more a week than I’ve been paying.
    3. Investment property we desperately need to sell still isn’t selling. And there’s always something to fix in it. ($$)
    4. Just found out this week that my department is being re-organized. I’m scared that wherever I end up here, my new boss won’t be as understanding of my crazy schedule and I’ll have to quit.
    Normally, my motto is to live in the moment, but lately the present moment is pretty sucky. I’ve been indulging more and more in daydreaming and just trying to float in the present until the present improves.
    Thankfully, health for the 4 of us is good right now (touch wood).

  72. OK, here I go:1. Have some major dental work coming up this year ($$), but at least overcame the anxiety I had to make that 1st appointment, so half of the battle is over.
    2. Have my 5-month-old in a home daycare I truly like, only to have my daycare provider tell me they’re moving. By Sept. 1. I have about a week to find a new daycare, and the zillions of calls I’ve made in the past 2 days haven’t gotten me anywhere. The center I toured yesterday is $143 more a week than I’ve been paying.
    3. Investment property we desperately need to sell still isn’t selling. And there’s always something to fix in it. ($$)
    4. Just found out this week that my department is being re-organized. I’m scared that wherever I end up here, my new boss won’t be as understanding of my crazy schedule and I’ll have to quit.
    Normally, my motto is to live in the moment, but lately the present moment is pretty sucky. I’ve been indulging more and more in daydreaming and just trying to float in the present until the present improves.
    Thankfully, health for the 4 of us is good right now (touch wood).

  73. 1.my mother’s breast cancer has spread to her lungs and she is moving in with us next month while she tries to sell her house in the worst economy ever so that she can be closer to her grandson.2.i start school next month and i have no idea how i am going to pay for day care for my 2 year old.
    3. my 2 year old is a charismatic charmer with everyone but me. with me he screams and yells and climbs up on the countertops and refuses to play with any toys because he would rather mess with my computer/camera equipment/glasses/phone or tear the pages out of his books.
    4. i know he just wants more of my attention, but that doesn’t make it easier, it just makes me feel like a bad mom for not being more engaging and playful.
    5. my husband can’t get over how awful i was when i was pregnant (2 years ago) and post-partum and still responds to things that i say as if i am attacking him. i feel like i am married to someone who doesn’t like me and if we don’t get over this we are going to have to reevaluate whether we can stay married.

  74. 1.my mother’s breast cancer has spread to her lungs and she is moving in with us next month while she tries to sell her house in the worst economy ever so that she can be closer to her grandson.2.i start school next month and i have no idea how i am going to pay for day care for my 2 year old.
    3. my 2 year old is a charismatic charmer with everyone but me. with me he screams and yells and climbs up on the countertops and refuses to play with any toys because he would rather mess with my computer/camera equipment/glasses/phone or tear the pages out of his books.
    4. i know he just wants more of my attention, but that doesn’t make it easier, it just makes me feel like a bad mom for not being more engaging and playful.
    5. my husband can’t get over how awful i was when i was pregnant (2 years ago) and post-partum and still responds to things that i say as if i am attacking him. i feel like i am married to someone who doesn’t like me and if we don’t get over this we are going to have to reevaluate whether we can stay married.

  75. Yesterday, oh dear. Yesterday I was full of RAGE. Not dangerous rage directed towards anyone I love, but a general rage-at-stupid-people rage. It was a combination of hormones (having the Mirena means you never really know if/when you’ll get your period) and I was just sideswiped by post-MS, as I like to call it – and having too much “people” time. Three days of social functions in a row, and I was seriously grumpy. It didn’t help that a huge-ass SUV tried to RUN ME OVER in a turning lane, either. It didn’t help that I dealt with my frustration by telling my 2 year old, who is ultra fond of ear-piercing shrieking, to SHUT UP. I never, ever say that to him, and I felt seriously guilty over it.Also, I would like to tell people who ask me when we’re having another one to please, just STOP. They seem to expect that since I have a 2 year old, I need to get back on the baby bus. I’m tired of hearing “Oh they wil play together!” “Oh, they will be best friends FOREVER!” That’s definitely not our plan and I’m happy if managing a 2 yr old and an infant worked for YOU, but it’s absolutely not going to work for ME, but thanks for your opinion! GAH!

  76. Yesterday, oh dear. Yesterday I was full of RAGE. Not dangerous rage directed towards anyone I love, but a general rage-at-stupid-people rage. It was a combination of hormones (having the Mirena means you never really know if/when you’ll get your period) and I was just sideswiped by post-MS, as I like to call it – and having too much “people” time. Three days of social functions in a row, and I was seriously grumpy. It didn’t help that a huge-ass SUV tried to RUN ME OVER in a turning lane, either. It didn’t help that I dealt with my frustration by telling my 2 year old, who is ultra fond of ear-piercing shrieking, to SHUT UP. I never, ever say that to him, and I felt seriously guilty over it.Also, I would like to tell people who ask me when we’re having another one to please, just STOP. They seem to expect that since I have a 2 year old, I need to get back on the baby bus. I’m tired of hearing “Oh they wil play together!” “Oh, they will be best friends FOREVER!” That’s definitely not our plan and I’m happy if managing a 2 yr old and an infant worked for YOU, but it’s absolutely not going to work for ME, but thanks for your opinion! GAH!

  77. If this post had come three weeks ago, I would have had so much to say. I was tired without reason (meaning getting plenty of sleep but still exhausted all the time), depressed, bored and unfullfilled in a job I used to love, worried about family planning, feeling like a perfectly shitty mother, and in general hating life.Fast forward to today – I finally (after two years of complaining about my health and weight) made a commitment to dropping dairy and wheat from my diet. A week after that my energy levels soared! I can think and plan clearly, and I suddenly had the strenght to tackle the harder issues. I nailed down a plan with my husband to (a) start trying for #2 January 1 and (b) leave my firm to start my own practice after #2 arrives.
    And… I potty trained my 23 month old son – he’s in underwear full-time during the day and after the first three days of peeing EVERYWHERE, he’s been basically perfect ever since – even with the pooping and the using of public washrooms(he does have a bit of a jelly bean addiction tho) – so I feel like a rockstar momma.
    So, I know this is primal scream – Hugs to all of you. Sorry to be a Suzy Sunshine – but I hope for all of you that the problems you are facing now are the bottom, and the turnaround is right around the corner.

  78. Maura—I’m so sorry for your loss.Julie—good luck as you move forward with the divorce.
    (Sigh.) As for me—I am SO SICK of my single mom neighbor, who I have never been anything but nice to, clumsily fawning over and flirting with my husband. It’s gotten really bad, you guys. I mean, I am having a harder and harder time trying to rise above it. I’m not threatened by her, and DH knows what’s going on, and he gets it—but it just makes me so angry because she is, frankly, something of a stupid cow. And it seems that she thinks I don’t notice her clumsy attempts to devalue me and her awkward, weird flirting style actually makes me feel embarrassed for her. And I think her baby daddy (who could, I suspect, be outsmarted by a carrot) was married when she got pregnant, so I’m thinking she already has displayed that she doesn’t respect other women and relationships.
    I keep biting my tongue, and biting my tongue. That’s the right thing to do, right? I mean, we share a backyard and other than this, have a pretty decent reciprocal relationship.

  79. I’m waiting for the results from a blood test my daughter got yesterday to see if her liver is functioning properly. I’m glad we had the test done, and it’s probably nothing, yadda, yadda, yadda, but I can’t help myself from thinking of the worst/using Dr. google to freak myself out about what the worst could actually be.My daughter is one year old and has never had any serious illness (counting blessings….) and so just even getting the blood drawn was hard. Thinking of the bad possibilities is an emotion I’ve never had before. Ugh.

  80. Sam I hear you! Hooray for you for knowing your limitations! I have had enough of the same question. Looking after a two year old and working nights with a relationship pushed to the brink; no I am not having another anytime soon.my scream
    With 23 month old all day. He just started pushing and hitting and today kicking. No idea why or where he picked it up. Upset about it and sick and tired of all the dark judgment looks from all the other mothers/nannies.
    Working nights and exhausted.
    Partner is exhausted and stressed.
    Relationship is stretched to maximum limit and is beginning to tear.
    Hate living in 90 degree heat in a dirty city where people are so hostile and rude and don’t even help my 8 month pregnant friend with her 2 year old in the stroller down the subway steps.
    Have no financial independence.
    Partner going overseas for a week and HIS relatives are coming to stay. They have their own toddler so its not going to be much of a help.
    but I do have my health, my basic civil rights and some great french new wave cinema to watch over the weekend!

  81. Oh Maura, I’m so sorry. What a difficult time this must be for you.Anonymist- I’m sorry for your troubles. Maybe your 2 yo is picking up on your stress about your mother? Or maybe he’s just being 2. My delightful 2 yo makes me want to scream sometimes, too. We had the camera issue, too. We finally found an old camera to give her to play with, which helps. Sometimes.
    Julie- good luck! I’m glad you’re out of limbo, and hope everything works out well.
    Olivia- do you have a support group or anyone you can turn to for advice on the milk issue? I mostly didn’t have a supply issue, but there were definitely months where things dipped enough to make me nervous. My remedies were: more water, more protein (steaks! hamburgers!), fenugreek (until I smelled like maple syrup), and a beer with the last pumping of the day (this may or may not have helped supply- the evidence is spotty- but it made me relax).
    Caramama- maybe you need to call in the reserves this weekend so that both you and Londo can catch up a little on sleep? What you described sounds like our house when we’re both super sleep-deprived!
    AmyinTexas-I’m glad your child is getting better! That would be scary.
    Whoever was wondering whether or not to get the swine flu vaccine, I know my answer (I’ll have a newborn when the vaccine becomes available, so will still be on the priority list)- heck, yes, I’m getting it, and so are Hubby and my 2 year old. It is very similar in formulation to the flu vaccines we get every year, and the latest predictions I’ve seen (based on experiences in the southern hemisphere) are that this is the strain that is likely to be circulating this year.
    My issues are really minor in comparison. I’m 6 weeks from my due date and trying to get ready to be out from work and to get our home life ready for a newborn. AND I’ve suddenly decided to second guess how my first birth went and work on being more prepared for this one…. and I’m really, really tired because I’m not sleeping well at night. So I mostly just walk around thinking “ARGH! I’m out of time!” Which isn’t helping anything.
    So, really, I need to get back to work. Thanks for the vent!

  82. @anonforthis: yes, I meant to also mention that I’ve cut dairy, caffeine, wheat and processed sugar out of my diet, and lost 23 pounds (without exercising). It started as an elimination diet to figure out what I was eating that was bothering my infant and screwing up my skin, and the weight loss was just an added bonus. I’m basically following the Paleo diet (lean protein, veggies, fruit, no processed foods, no grains).My sister was so impressed with my results that she’s done it, too, has lost 10 lbs and no longer has inflammatory pain in her knee (the same knee her MD wanted to replace).
    So if anyone is having low energy or weight issues, or has an breastfed infant who is very sensitive to what you eat, I highly recommend going off wheat/gluten and sugar. It’s made a tremendous difference in my life!

  83. Thanks for this Moxie. I was getting a little worried about you . . .Here are my primal wimpers:
    1. Our apartment is being renovated and is uninhabitable. We are living with 2 dogs and a toddler in the basement. It could be a lot worse, but we are in week 3 and it’s getting old.
    2. Work, work, work. I’ve turned over a new leaf and am coming into the office every day to work on my book manuscript, but damn if it doesn’t make me feel soooooooooo anxious and torn up inside.
    3. I’ve inexplicably gained weight. I’m trying to up my exercise a bit and will check with the doctor about my thyroid condition.
    4. The antidepressant I’m on interferes with my sleeping AND makes me super tired and drowsy during the day. Double whammy.
    Nothing too bad.

  84. Really, I should be primally screaming at the top of my lungs, but for some reason, I’m rather serene.1- DH was fired last week. From the job he got after being laid off for 5 months just before DS was born. Argh. The $$ concerns me less. We’re not rich, but we’ll get by, and he seems to be fairly lucky/able to find work usually. I’m more concerned to the effects on his morale and confidence.
    2-My biggest fear is that he got fired because of his tendency to be short and sometimes rude when he feels like someone doesn’t think well of him or if he just doesn’t get along with them / has a different working style. He needs to address some issues from his childhood, which I think are the root of why he acts he way he does with certain emotional triggers. He needs therapy, but is not really open to it and talking about his feelings is like pulling teeth. He’d rather solve it in his head and work on it quietly himself. Which, yeah, gets you so far. But he needs some outward objectivity and re-framing assistance.
    3- DH doesn’t get along with my BFF. She and I had an arguement about it. He is getting better in the way he treats her and I know he’s trying. But still has a block (did I mention therapy?) Basically, even though he has issues, I was saying it takes 2 to tango. Mostly, I’m just annoyed as BFF doesn’t live in the same city, and I’m fine with keeping the relationships seperate if that’s the way we need to go to keep the peace. I’m not giving either one up. Argh.
    4- It occured to me that the medication he takes daily may be part of the culprit for the mistaken feelings of being mistreated (& therefore the talking back on his part). Double Argh.
    5- I went back to see my therapist – Yay! Feels nice to have the outlet for just talking openly about everything. But wholly crap it’s expensive. Not good considering point #1.
    6- The thing that most pissed me off yesterday was the condescending e-mail we got from DH’s bro who was pissed after we went to use his pool and left a few things amiss by accident. I sent an apologetic (for what we did) e-mail back that clearly said ‘do not condescend to me when you have something to say. It was an accident on our part. It would have been nice to have the benefit of the doubt. I assume you were just angry and upset, that is why you were condescending. So if it’s something else, call me as this needs to be discussed.’ Enough of the passive-aggressive BS that infiltrates DH’s family. The buck stops here and I aint takin’ it.

  85. Glad everything is (relatively) OK Moxie!My issues:
    I’m 5 months pregnant and feel like s*@#! I’ve been having just about every pregnancy symptom in the book but the big one is that my back hurts all the time (no exaggeration), and I can’t sleep well at night so I’m constantly exhausted. And now I’ve started getting these intense dizzy spells that prevent me from walking more than a couple blocks without sitting down, which is difficult since I live in an urban area and take a train many places. Plus I have to sometimes stand for 30+ min at my job, which I will have to try to get out of as often as possible. And then I’m getting REALLY worried about what I’m going to do when the baby’s born. I hate my job and it makes me miserable, but we can’t afford for me not to work. We could survive if I got a good paying part time job, but I can’t look for that until after the baby is born. If I do have to go back to my current job, I’ll have a 2 hour *one way* commute once I take the baby to daycare. All that for a job I hate? Sounds pretty miserable but I don’t know what else to do.
    All these things along with normal anxieties about birth, parenthood, etc. are really weighing me down.

  86. Hugs to Maura and all of you, really.Here are mine:
    1. I have been covered in ridiculously ugly and itchy hives for the entire week because I used some random product while staying at my mom’s, a trip that was supposed to give me a chance to relax, but did the exact opposite.
    2. 200 lb man, 80 lb dog, 30 lb baby and me in 650 sq ft apartment. Not for lack of trying. We look at houses EVERY weekend, make offers, and the news about it being a buyer’s market is complete BS on the west side of LA. But that doesn’t stop people from telling us constantly that it is. We really don’t know where else to go, though. Our entire support system is here. ILs are in Rochester, NY, which is just not an option for us – job-wise, weather-wise, IL drama-wise.
    3. Too much to do at work in waaaay too little time, spotlight on me for next round of promotions, feel like I am failing miserably despite spending 40+ hours a week here on my “part time” schedule (and part time pay). UGH.
    That felt good, thanks. I was worried about you, Moxie!

  87. Hugs to Maura and all of you, really.Here are mine:
    1. I have been covered in ridiculously ugly and itchy hives for the entire week because I used some random product while staying at my mom’s, a trip that was supposed to give me a chance to relax, but did the exact opposite.
    2. 200 lb man, 80 lb dog, 30 lb baby and me in 650 sq ft apartment. Not for lack of trying. We look at houses EVERY weekend, make offers, and the news about it being a buyer’s market is complete BS on the west side of LA. But that doesn’t stop people from telling us constantly that it is. We really don’t know where else to go, though. Our entire support system is here. ILs are in Rochester, NY, which is just not an option for us – job-wise, weather-wise, IL drama-wise.
    3. Too much to do at work in waaaay too little time, spotlight on me for next round of promotions, feel like I am failing miserably despite spending 40+ hours a week here on my “part time” schedule (and part time pay). UGH.
    That felt good, thanks. I was worried about you, Moxie!

  88. Saw an attorney to move forward with divorce on Monday.LK had a seizure at school Tuesday morning.
    Dog diagnosed with untreatable tumor, so we had him put to sleep Tuesday afternoon.
    But! we are still standing. It’s amazing the peace I feel in the middle of all this.

  89. Saw an attorney to move forward with divorce on Monday.LK had a seizure at school Tuesday morning.
    Dog diagnosed with untreatable tumor, so we had him put to sleep Tuesday afternoon.
    But! we are still standing. It’s amazing the peace I feel in the middle of all this.

  90. Too much child abuse at work. Too many battered kids, and now one that I admitted last week has died in the picu.

  91. Too much child abuse at work. Too many battered kids, and now one that I admitted last week has died in the picu.

  92. Very minor issue!My patience is running thin for my 2y.o. daughter. I am starting to count the days before I go back to work (teaching). Still 2 1/2 weeks. I know, how can one complain about that? I’m just not cut out to be a SAHM. I think it’s more the household responsibilities than my child. I know when I get back to work I’ll be itching to come home again. The good thing is #2 is due in January – so really only 4 1/2 months of work then I’m off again!

  93. Very minor issue!My patience is running thin for my 2y.o. daughter. I am starting to count the days before I go back to work (teaching). Still 2 1/2 weeks. I know, how can one complain about that? I’m just not cut out to be a SAHM. I think it’s more the household responsibilities than my child. I know when I get back to work I’ll be itching to come home again. The good thing is #2 is due in January – so really only 4 1/2 months of work then I’m off again!

  94. 1. 15 month old is becoming an insomniac. He wakes more nights than not lately (molars, I hate you!) and screams in his crib, doesn’t want to be held or rocked, and can’t seem to settle down in our bed. This leads to hours on end of wakefulness for Momma.2. I miss passion. I miss romance. I miss sex. I want an actual relationship, not this roommate-like exsistence we have. And I don’t know how to get it back. I am starting to understand why people have affairs and it scares me.

  95. 1. 15 month old is becoming an insomniac. He wakes more nights than not lately (molars, I hate you!) and screams in his crib, doesn’t want to be held or rocked, and can’t seem to settle down in our bed. This leads to hours on end of wakefulness for Momma.2. I miss passion. I miss romance. I miss sex. I want an actual relationship, not this roommate-like exsistence we have. And I don’t know how to get it back. I am starting to understand why people have affairs and it scares me.

  96. Minor stuff…1. I start teaching again in a week and a half, and my mother-in-law has been unable to do her usual childcare for two of the last three weeks, so I’m not up to speed with my preparations. She promises to make up for it next week, but I still don’t know how I’ll be ready in time!
    2. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to schedule my cardio workouts at a time when I’m happy about working out, and my 19-month daughter is either happy to be riding along in her stroller or is in someone else’s care.
    3. My inquiries about turning my part-time job into either full-time or at least more were turned down flat. Nothing about me, just school policy, but it’s still frustrating since a little additional income would be so helpful.

  97. Minor stuff…1. I start teaching again in a week and a half, and my mother-in-law has been unable to do her usual childcare for two of the last three weeks, so I’m not up to speed with my preparations. She promises to make up for it next week, but I still don’t know how I’ll be ready in time!
    2. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to schedule my cardio workouts at a time when I’m happy about working out, and my 19-month daughter is either happy to be riding along in her stroller or is in someone else’s care.
    3. My inquiries about turning my part-time job into either full-time or at least more were turned down flat. Nothing about me, just school policy, but it’s still frustrating since a little additional income would be so helpful.

  98. @Anon for this one – I am right there with you in the relationship department. I feel like my husband is a roommate too, or maybe a business partner. We communicate about the kids, or the house or whatever, and there is no passion or romance for us. When I try to talk to him about it, he says it’s just because we’re so tired and it will get better, but I really don’t know.I’m not working hard enough at my job, and pretty soon somebody is going to notice and I’m afraid I’ll get fired. I’m not working hard because I’m completely unfulfilled and probably have more than a touch of PPD.
    All of this makes me feel suffocated and trapped. And I don’t seem to be able to motivate to make any of it better.
    Good luck to everyone. Hugs.

  99. @Anon for this one – I am right there with you in the relationship department. I feel like my husband is a roommate too, or maybe a business partner. We communicate about the kids, or the house or whatever, and there is no passion or romance for us. When I try to talk to him about it, he says it’s just because we’re so tired and it will get better, but I really don’t know.I’m not working hard enough at my job, and pretty soon somebody is going to notice and I’m afraid I’ll get fired. I’m not working hard because I’m completely unfulfilled and probably have more than a touch of PPD.
    All of this makes me feel suffocated and trapped. And I don’t seem to be able to motivate to make any of it better.
    Good luck to everyone. Hugs.

  100. I’m trying to keep my feet on the ground…unlike my usual motto, which would be “live in the present moment”, the present moment seems to suck so much lately that I’ve been daydreaming my way through my days…floating along. It’s the weirdest feeling. I’ll start thinking about things, and then my mind says, “No, thank you,” and just starts drifting off to think of something pleasant, like winning the lottery, or moving to a Carribbean island. I think a lot of people are feeling that way now.

  101. My son went for his kindergarten orientation this morning (meet teacher, see classroom, go for bus ride). While the parents got talked up by the principle, the kids went into the library for story time and I later discovered my son lost it and when they tried to calm him he hit a teacher so he was removed. He’s not a hitter, but he does have trouble adjusting to new situations and whatif he can’t handle full-school, full-time and he’s just disruptive to the other kids. His teacher pulled me aside and asked if anybody from his preschool had mentioned having a teachers assistant just for him. She’s really nice but I’m really freaking out, now.

  102. I’m so sorry for those of you going through such a rough time. My “screams” are more fears than actual problems, but they’ve been adding to my stress level for weeks.1) I’m afraid my husband and I will have problems conceiving. We’re two months away from trying (have a trip to take, first!), and I want a baby, his baby, so much I can almost feel it in my arms. I have no reason to think things won’t work out, but I can already tell I won’t have any patience with the process.
    2) I am terrified healthcare reform will be derailed, or that what finally comes out of Washington will be useless. I know so many people who are believing all the hype and far right-wing fears, I go around having angry, imaginary conversations with them in my head every day. I know it’s not healthy but it’s bothering me so much. My current insurance plan is great, but my husband works for a very small business and after we have a baby (see item 1!), I plan to quit and will lose my insurance. We’ll already be scaling back to the max so I can stay home (although I’ll hopefully get some freelance work), but I think adding two more people to his plan could significantly reduce his paycheck. Not having an inexpensive public option available (ok, really not having a single-payer system, but even I can’t dream that big) could completely derail all my best-laid plans. I can’t keep working just for health insurance, I really can’t.

  103. So sorry Maura – such a hard situation. So many people to take care of but you also have your own grief to deal with. You are an awesome aunt and will continue to be so.My issues – I can so relate to the other anon posts about wanting romance and not just a roomate relationship. Went to a wedding with my husband last weekend where we didn’t know many others so it was really just the two of us hanging out at the reception. It was so hard to have a conversation and it was so obvious that we weren’t comfortable touching each other (as simple as holding hands, my husband rubbing my sholders). Makes me very sad and scared for where we are headed. Not sure how to break that cycle – we may be too far in at this point to turn back?
    I’ve been feeling like a bad (as in ineffective) mom lately. The kids have switched into a new phase and I don’t seem to be able to discipline very well. Nothing I do seems to work and we all just wind up yelling at each other and crying.

  104. No screaming here, just a little crying1. The dog was diagnosed with cancer 3 months ago and she seems to be coming to the end. We are all sad, but my husband is having a VERY difficult time with this. I just want to make sure that she doesn’t suffer and we make the right decision at the right time.
    2. School started today for my daughter.
    3. Preschool starts in 2 weeks and I am so not ready to get rid of my little guy for 2 mornings a week.

  105. @ Maura – I am so, so sorry for your loss.@ Julie – Best wishes starting your new life and getting through this next phase.
    For me – we are moving on Monday and I’m still convinced there is no way we will ever be ready in time.
    Two year old is getting still working on his molars. Will he ever stop teething and being so cranky?
    I really need to get both kids out of our bed. I can’t even remember the last time my husband and I had, um, relations.

  106. Mine are really minor too but here goes. My 3 yr old is having some adjustment issues to the new baby, especially now that daddy is back at work. So I’m juggling a defiant 3 yr old and a 3 week old. Its a real challenge because my 3 yr old is usually so laid back and obedient. But the tantrums and defiance. Oy! Luckily, he love, love, loves the baby so at least that hasn’t been an issue.But said 3 yr old is boycotting his naps which he still needs. The other day he fell asleep face first on his rug playing trains because he was so exhausted. And wet his bed early this morning because he was so exhausted and sleeping so soundly. Changing him at 5am was so much fun after I had just been up for 45 minutes nursing the baby.
    And finally, I want to smack my SIL for her bitchy comments via e-mail about our breastfeeding efforts. BF was a dismal failure last time due to a number of issues although I exclusively pumped for 4 months. But this time it is going great and my husband noted that in an e-mail to her and indicated that the baby has a marathon nursing session at night and then sleeps for a 4 hour stretch. Great, right? No…she has to say that I should be co-sleeping and nursing the baby in my sleep and I’d get more rest if I “trusted in mother nature and nursed the baby in my sleep like a bear cub”. W.T.F?! Dude, with my big bosoms that is so not going to work and besides the “correct” comment is more along the lines of “great, I’m glad its going well.” There was more bs in her e-mail and I know I should ignore it because she has some Asberger tendencies at best and is borderline crazy at worst but still argh!
    And finally, I need to start trying the baby on bottles in the next week or so since I have to go back to work. But nursing is going so well and I’m terrified I’ll mess it up. But I need him to take a bottle for 4 days out of the week when I’m at work.

  107. @Michelle- we introduced our daughter to bottles at 3 weeks and successfully breastfed until she was 23 months old. I know that “nipple confusion” happens, but I don’t personally know anyone who had that problem. I do, on the other hand, know several people who had a really hard time getting their baby to take a bottle after waiting until >6 weeks to introduce it.So go for it. I think the odds are that you won’t mess up the breastfeeding at this point.
    Does anyone have a good itch-relief cream? I have pregnancy-induced eczema on my shins and PUPPs on my tummy and generally itchy skin in between. And it is driving me INSANE. I’ve tried cortisone, benadryl, olive oil, just about every lotion I can think of… and the only thing that stops the itching is ice. Which I can’t do all the time. I can’t believe I left this out of my earlier whine.

  108. nothing too major today but:1. my car needs a new catalytic converter by the end of next week. At least I had just paid off my credit card bill.
    2. school starts next week and my good sleeper has stopped going to bed. So i’m pretty behind in class prep. the bad sleeper is still bad but I’ve learned to work around that.
    3. my easy course has gained so many extra students beyond the cutoff that I”m going to have to restructure and it won’t be quite as low-maintenance as before. My other 2 classes? new preps. i’m terrified.
    4. Finally, in the back of my head, my husband works for a town government and is beginning to worry about budget cuts if the economy doesn’t pick up. just as our childcare costs more than double (2nd kid and increasing child #1’s hours). I hate to think about it.
    otherwise, things ok. haven’t thought about leaving the 4.5year old at the firestation even once today.

  109. Cloud – baking soda and water mixed to form a paste. I had scabies last summer (gross, I know) from an infested dorm bed at the summer program where I was teaching. It was the only thing that gave me any relief.

  110. Cloud – baking soda and water mixed to form a paste. I had scabies last summer (gross, I know) from an infested dorm bed at the summer program where I was teaching. It was the only thing that gave me any relief.

  111. I just moved to Texas for grad school and feel incredibly alone.I’m scared of starting my MA/Ph.D. program next work, afraid I can’t handle the workload, and worried about balancing teaching and research.
    I miss my boyfriend terribly.
    I wish I had just one friend here.
    I’m worried about finances and feel like I’m already zipping through my savings with all these unforeseen expenses. I’m trying to figure out how much I can cut back without making life really hard for myself.
    I’m angry at myself because there’s a lot I should be doing to get ready for next week, and I can’t seem to make myself DO anything productive.
    All that said, a lot of you here are dealing with so much more (and handling it so gracefully). I’m sending good thoughts to everyone.

  112. I just moved to Texas for grad school and feel incredibly alone.I’m scared of starting my MA/Ph.D. program next work, afraid I can’t handle the workload, and worried about balancing teaching and research.
    I miss my boyfriend terribly.
    I wish I had just one friend here.
    I’m worried about finances and feel like I’m already zipping through my savings with all these unforeseen expenses. I’m trying to figure out how much I can cut back without making life really hard for myself.
    I’m angry at myself because there’s a lot I should be doing to get ready for next week, and I can’t seem to make myself DO anything productive.
    All that said, a lot of you here are dealing with so much more (and handling it so gracefully). I’m sending good thoughts to everyone.

  113. @Cloud – Rhuli-gel (maybe Ruli-gel?) at the drugstore on the shelf with the benadryl cream / calamine lotion. Clear, non-staining and very soothing & effective.

  114. Trying to deal with the fact that my marriage is in trouble or at least headed that way and we need to get into therapy really soon. It’s going to be hard work and there will probably be a lot of tears (on my part, exhausting). I guess I should look forward to maybe things getting better. Do I want my husband to be someone he’s not or just a better version of him?My beautiful 4 year old daughter is growing up so fast and I’m already freaking out that she’ll be starting kindergarten in a year. And she already knows how to push my buttons, how are we going to get through adolescence?
    Thanks for the chance to vent. Peace and light to you all.

  115. Trying to deal with the fact that my marriage is in trouble or at least headed that way and we need to get into therapy really soon. It’s going to be hard work and there will probably be a lot of tears (on my part, exhausting). I guess I should look forward to maybe things getting better. Do I want my husband to be someone he’s not or just a better version of him?My beautiful 4 year old daughter is growing up so fast and I’m already freaking out that she’ll be starting kindergarten in a year. And she already knows how to push my buttons, how are we going to get through adolescence?
    Thanks for the chance to vent. Peace and light to you all.

  116. I’ve got some stupid, ultimate First World type of “problems” that are laughable & pale in comparison to the many real, heart-wrenching problems so many have shared here… So I am sending out many positive thoughts to all who need them – particularly to those dealing with grief, family illnesses, and ailing marriages.

  117. I’m sending out my love and support to all of you. Things are pretty good here, just some minor worries:*got diagnosed with gestational diabetes on Monday. Only 10 weeks left, so it’s not that long to be doing this, but does anyone have any suggestions on what to eat from people who have been there? SO. Darn. CONFUSING.
    *worried about our jobs in this economy, like everybody…
    *worried about taking care of the baby and 2 year old in 10 weeks after the 2nd c-section. Hoping this second one is less painful than the first?
    Love and good wishes to all of you…

  118. I’m sending out my love and support to all of you. Things are pretty good here, just some minor worries:*got diagnosed with gestational diabetes on Monday. Only 10 weeks left, so it’s not that long to be doing this, but does anyone have any suggestions on what to eat from people who have been there? SO. Darn. CONFUSING.
    *worried about our jobs in this economy, like everybody…
    *worried about taking care of the baby and 2 year old in 10 weeks after the 2nd c-section. Hoping this second one is less painful than the first?
    Love and good wishes to all of you…

  119. I’m sending out my love and support to all of you. Things are pretty good here, just some minor worries:*got diagnosed with gestational diabetes on Monday. Only 10 weeks left, so it’s not that long to be doing this, but does anyone have any suggestions on what to eat from people who have been there? SO. Darn. CONFUSING.
    *worried about our jobs in this economy, like everybody…
    *worried about taking care of the baby and 2 year old in 10 weeks after the 2nd c-section. Hoping this second one is less painful than the first?
    Love and good wishes to all of you…

  120. @M&M – I have a 4 month old and I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with her. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise! Since I had to watch my diet so closely I only gained 25 pounds the whole pregnancy and felt GREAT! Here is what I ate mostly and my diabetes was completely controlled:eggs, cheese, lean meats, lots of vegetables, cottage cheese, activia yogurt (it’s one carbohydrate serving). Sourdough bread doesn’t effect your sugar like many other carbs. Anyway, this could go on forever, but I’m also a nutritionist, so if you want some help just email me at kxpatterson@gmail.com and I would be happy to share some tips.

  121. @M&M – I have a 4 month old and I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with her. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise! Since I had to watch my diet so closely I only gained 25 pounds the whole pregnancy and felt GREAT! Here is what I ate mostly and my diabetes was completely controlled:eggs, cheese, lean meats, lots of vegetables, cottage cheese, activia yogurt (it’s one carbohydrate serving). Sourdough bread doesn’t effect your sugar like many other carbs. Anyway, this could go on forever, but I’m also a nutritionist, so if you want some help just email me at kxpatterson@gmail.com and I would be happy to share some tips.

  122. Dear Sweetie Cakes Baby,1. If you have a horrible ear infection please notify me in some way. Please?
    2. Please let me leave the room without losing your ever-lovin’ mind, once in awhile, EVEAH.
    3. Can we consider weaning as a team … soon.

  123. Dear Sweetie Cakes Baby,1. If you have a horrible ear infection please notify me in some way. Please?
    2. Please let me leave the room without losing your ever-lovin’ mind, once in awhile, EVEAH.
    3. Can we consider weaning as a team … soon.

  124. Mad that our school system didn’t sufficiently publicize vaccination requirement changes. Mad that our pediatric practice screwed up and missed a vaccine and that I didn’t catch it. Mad that I think its an unecessary vaccine. Discouraged about health care reform and about continuing to pay for bad care. Angry that I provide health care that I think is less than optimal- mostly that is just adequate to the moment.

  125. Mad that our school system didn’t sufficiently publicize vaccination requirement changes. Mad that our pediatric practice screwed up and missed a vaccine and that I didn’t catch it. Mad that I think its an unecessary vaccine. Discouraged about health care reform and about continuing to pay for bad care. Angry that I provide health care that I think is less than optimal- mostly that is just adequate to the moment.

  126. Had the biggest fight with my boyfriend over him not telling me he would be uncontactable for four days while he was away on a ski trip. He’s not the talking type, but would like to know whether he’s on the grid so I can call him, even if he doesn’t call me.Am trying to remember that he doesn’t quite know how to argue constructively yet and seems to be good a pushing my buttons when he is angry. And then despite my better judgement, I retaliate.
    Finally I need to remember that he’s terrible at apologising with words, but his actions always speak about his true intent. Now if only he could try to remember that I primarily use words.
    I am also scared that instead of being the better person and letting things go once I have voiced my concerns or feelings, I am deluding myself about the compatibility of our relationship and am letting things go unresolved because I am scared of being alone.

  127. Had the biggest fight with my boyfriend over him not telling me he would be uncontactable for four days while he was away on a ski trip. He’s not the talking type, but would like to know whether he’s on the grid so I can call him, even if he doesn’t call me.Am trying to remember that he doesn’t quite know how to argue constructively yet and seems to be good a pushing my buttons when he is angry. And then despite my better judgement, I retaliate.
    Finally I need to remember that he’s terrible at apologising with words, but his actions always speak about his true intent. Now if only he could try to remember that I primarily use words.
    I am also scared that instead of being the better person and letting things go once I have voiced my concerns or feelings, I am deluding myself about the compatibility of our relationship and am letting things go unresolved because I am scared of being alone.

  128. I was going to post some totally trivial problems, but now I just want to send hugs and positive thoughts to all of you with real trouble. I am crying reading these comments.

  129. I was going to post some totally trivial problems, but now I just want to send hugs and positive thoughts to all of you with real trouble. I am crying reading these comments.

  130. Minor but feels major at this moment:I will have to scream if another child says “Mama” but doesn’t actually want anything. Why do kids do this? It is driving me insane! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

  131. Minor but feels major at this moment:I will have to scream if another child says “Mama” but doesn’t actually want anything. Why do kids do this? It is driving me insane! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

  132. I had a biiiiig fight with the in-laws about their critical comments, their perfectionist attitude, and their non-encouraging words. I haven’t spoken to them in 3 weeks. And we live 10 minutes away from them.Sigh.

  133. I had a biiiiig fight with the in-laws about their critical comments, their perfectionist attitude, and their non-encouraging words. I haven’t spoken to them in 3 weeks. And we live 10 minutes away from them.Sigh.

  134. @Lisa – I have done both — the antianxiety withdrawl & crippling migraines. When my stomach couldn’t keep anything down from an especially bad one, I would go to my PCP for a triptan injection to get the meds in while bypassing my stomach. He also gave me some prefilled syringes to do it myself at home (gah!). There is also a triptan nasal spray you might be able to get.For the withdrawal … God, I have nothing. It’s awful, I know. Could you cut an extra pill in half and take a tiny, tiny dose to help you get through the weekend? Good luck, honey. What a combo.

  135. @Lisa – I have done both — the antianxiety withdrawl & crippling migraines. When my stomach couldn’t keep anything down from an especially bad one, I would go to my PCP for a triptan injection to get the meds in while bypassing my stomach. He also gave me some prefilled syringes to do it myself at home (gah!). There is also a triptan nasal spray you might be able to get.For the withdrawal … God, I have nothing. It’s awful, I know. Could you cut an extra pill in half and take a tiny, tiny dose to help you get through the weekend? Good luck, honey. What a combo.

  136. @Jen – I don’t know if you’re reading anymore, but I had the exact same issue while pregnant – dizzy/ fainting spells associated with walking. It was terrifying and pretty debilitating. I figured out that the problem was low blood sugar, so I went on a strict low blood sugar diet (basically a diabetic diet, only not quite as strict -high protein, low sugar) and it helped. It also just smoothed out after the 2nd trimester ended.@ Michelle – I agree w/ Cloud. DH & I started our exclusively breastfed baby on a bottle at 5 weeks and he did beautifully, no problems. Other friends waited much longer and had bottle-resisters.
    My primal scream:
    * we moved for like the fifth time in three years to another rental
    * soon my DH will work 6 hrs away from me & DS.
    * I’m so exhausted and fed up and stressed out I could scream, so I don’t have enough patience for DS, who never.stops.

  137. @Jen – I don’t know if you’re reading anymore, but I had the exact same issue while pregnant – dizzy/ fainting spells associated with walking. It was terrifying and pretty debilitating. I figured out that the problem was low blood sugar, so I went on a strict low blood sugar diet (basically a diabetic diet, only not quite as strict -high protein, low sugar) and it helped. It also just smoothed out after the 2nd trimester ended.@ Michelle – I agree w/ Cloud. DH & I started our exclusively breastfed baby on a bottle at 5 weeks and he did beautifully, no problems. Other friends waited much longer and had bottle-resisters.
    My primal scream:
    * we moved for like the fifth time in three years to another rental
    * soon my DH will work 6 hrs away from me & DS.
    * I’m so exhausted and fed up and stressed out I could scream, so I don’t have enough patience for DS, who never.stops.

  138. God, is this perfect timing. I’m sitting here feeling sorry for myself. Yesterday I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety in addition to the depression I’ve been fighting. I’ve become so angry and violent I scare myself, can’t imagine what I am doing to my two small kids. I don’t know who I am anymore. Don’t know who I will be. I started taking the new meds and I’m already not feeling right. Am I going to feel like this for the rest of my life? Am I going to pass this on to my kids? I know this is not cancer. Things can be a lot worse. I have a lot to be thankful for but I just can’t seem to find any peace or happiness. I’ve never felt so alone.

  139. God, is this perfect timing. I’m sitting here feeling sorry for myself. Yesterday I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety in addition to the depression I’ve been fighting. I’ve become so angry and violent I scare myself, can’t imagine what I am doing to my two small kids. I don’t know who I am anymore. Don’t know who I will be. I started taking the new meds and I’m already not feeling right. Am I going to feel like this for the rest of my life? Am I going to pass this on to my kids? I know this is not cancer. Things can be a lot worse. I have a lot to be thankful for but I just can’t seem to find any peace or happiness. I’ve never felt so alone.

  140. Thanks for the outlet…1. My family has just learned that my father – an amazing, gentle man – has a very rare disease that will certainly end his life, probably within a year
    2. My children are 4 and 2 and absolutely adore their Grandpa – how will I explain why he isn’t here anymore?
    3. My brother is in his 25th year of alcoholism and is in another downward spiral
    4. While I love my job, I am overloaded with work and just don’t have the concentration for it right now
    5. I have pain in my hip that has been there for a year and no amount of physio seems to help it
    On the other hand, I have loads of good friends whom I know will be there to help me through this, enough time left to ensure that my father knows just how much I love him, two beautiful, beautiful boys and a husband I love. I am trying so hard to stay focused on these things and to be grateful for the perspective this stage of my life is giving me…it’s hard though.
    Thanks again for the outlet.

  141. Thanks for the outlet…1. My family has just learned that my father – an amazing, gentle man – has a very rare disease that will certainly end his life, probably within a year
    2. My children are 4 and 2 and absolutely adore their Grandpa – how will I explain why he isn’t here anymore?
    3. My brother is in his 25th year of alcoholism and is in another downward spiral
    4. While I love my job, I am overloaded with work and just don’t have the concentration for it right now
    5. I have pain in my hip that has been there for a year and no amount of physio seems to help it
    On the other hand, I have loads of good friends whom I know will be there to help me through this, enough time left to ensure that my father knows just how much I love him, two beautiful, beautiful boys and a husband I love. I am trying so hard to stay focused on these things and to be grateful for the perspective this stage of my life is giving me…it’s hard though.
    Thanks again for the outlet.

  142. I need a friend. Someone who is close by, who I can trust completely, knows what it’s like to be pregnant, and could help me when number 2 gets here.I have people I see, but not someone I truly can trust. I’m not an extrovert and that’s hard. The people I’ve been ‘putting time into’, hoping that they may become that person have seemed to have found other friends.
    I’m 4.5 months pregnant, feel alone and I wish just someone I know would let me feel happy about being pregnant (apart from family). All the women I know here are experiencing infertility, miscarriages or considering having to abort. I want to feel happy, I want to enjoy this 2nd and last pregnancy. But can’t talk about it with friends, because of what they are going through. I have got to the point where I want to hide from everyone and that’s not good fr an introvert like me.
    My almost 3yr old daughter is an extrovert, extremely affectionate and CANNOT play by herself. I need space, but we cannot afford daycare. I’m hoping that she will be able to start Kindy next year (New Zealand). But I”ve heard the waiting lust can be long and she most likely won’t get in until she is 4. Which means 2 kids and the desperate need for space.
    HUbby is awesome, but I have trouble talkng.
    I know I have pregnancy depression, but don’t want to take care of myself. I ‘forget’ my vitamins all the time, and I want to exercise, but am so, so tired.
    I can’t sleep, I stay up until 2 am most night and when I get to bed I can’t turn my brain off. Last night I go to bed at 9pm and today I feel even worse.
    Things could be much worse I know.

  143. I need a friend. Someone who is close by, who I can trust completely, knows what it’s like to be pregnant, and could help me when number 2 gets here.I have people I see, but not someone I truly can trust. I’m not an extrovert and that’s hard. The people I’ve been ‘putting time into’, hoping that they may become that person have seemed to have found other friends.
    I’m 4.5 months pregnant, feel alone and I wish just someone I know would let me feel happy about being pregnant (apart from family). All the women I know here are experiencing infertility, miscarriages or considering having to abort. I want to feel happy, I want to enjoy this 2nd and last pregnancy. But can’t talk about it with friends, because of what they are going through. I have got to the point where I want to hide from everyone and that’s not good fr an introvert like me.
    My almost 3yr old daughter is an extrovert, extremely affectionate and CANNOT play by herself. I need space, but we cannot afford daycare. I’m hoping that she will be able to start Kindy next year (New Zealand). But I”ve heard the waiting lust can be long and she most likely won’t get in until she is 4. Which means 2 kids and the desperate need for space.
    HUbby is awesome, but I have trouble talkng.
    I know I have pregnancy depression, but don’t want to take care of myself. I ‘forget’ my vitamins all the time, and I want to exercise, but am so, so tired.
    I can’t sleep, I stay up until 2 am most night and when I get to bed I can’t turn my brain off. Last night I go to bed at 9pm and today I feel even worse.
    Things could be much worse I know.

  144. My dad is being slow to recover from his open-heart two-valve-replacement, aortic-anuerysm-repair, atrial-fib-ablation surgery followed by installation of pacemaker… funny, at 78 years old and not terribly fit, he’s not bouncing hack from the surgery the way they had hoped. Booger. He is grumpy, but good natured about it at the same time, so that’s a mercy. Kind of grumpy in a funny way to keep it light (even though he is deeply disturbed by his slow recovery, as well, just won’t say so directly).The job posting I’ve been pimped-er-staged for is looking less fun and more dogsbody-ish as of today. Crap. Considering the godawful sum they’re billing me at (rate-wise), you’d think they’d look for more interesting things for me to do. And they want me full time, and I am NOT doing that one full time. Sorry. You put me there full time, I may have to find another job. ARGH. On the plus side, my boss is still willing to fight for me to do what I want to do, so there’s good odds I’ll stay at half-time on that. Fingers crossed.
    School. Ohmygod, school is starting next freakin week, I don’t know if we have enough uniforms for either kid, we have to buy shoes and school supplies and meet the teachers and do the open houses (two) and *AAAAHHHHHHH* Not ready! Totally ready for them to be back in school, just not ready-ready.
    My friend at work (male) is still trying to figure out what to do with me, as I keep insisting on being a better friend than he’s expecting or feels he deserves. He’s flustered and alarmed by the fact that me (and ep!) are offering to help them move, like pack and clean and heft and drive the truck if he wants us to. He still really doesn’t get why I’d go to the effort, and/or is worried about how he’ll owe us for the rest of his life and will never be able to repay the debt. Which is incorrect, since I really am acting out of gratitude for his help earlier on, making this job sane and/or fun (usually fun when it wasn’t sane). But ARGH, it drives me nuts that he gets all gosh-gee-whillakers on me. Just take the offer of help, dammit. Stupid intercultural issues. Not a bad problem to have, but just irritating some days.
    Still trying to navigate a) me liking work, b) ep starting a business, c) ep also working half-time, d) kids, e) kids, f) kids, and g) house/garden/life. How to do that and not be grumpy-pusses at each other (me and ep) all the time … I’ve turned to exercising (started middle-eastern dance again, getting WAY back in shape, ouch), which helps a little. Not enough.
    While I don’t have cancer, I may still have to have a hysterectomy if I can’t stop the whole gushing thing. The D&C did help a little, but not enough. I’m hoping that some alternative work might help some more. If I can hold out long enough, I can hit menopause and shut down rather than hysterectomy. The exercise may help, too. I’d like a tummy tuck, but it isn’t in the finances… (stupid twin skin still there, even though I’m fairly slim at this point – not down to ideal weight by any means, but getting there). Ugh. Surgery… but the stupid stand-up-and-gush thing really SUCKS.
    Niece is pregnant. Not married. Catholic.
    Nephew is in Afghanistan (airborne infantry, risk risk risk risk risk).
    And all in all, things are still good. Just lumpy. I still want to join the scream, but it is overlain with the gratitude for sane friends and decent people and wonderful hubby job and kids who rock (and thank god are heading into the next regulation stage).
    Best to those of you dealing with serious real heavy issues. Mine are more worry-and-fret plus annoy.
    Maura, you are a good person to be concerned with their wellbeing over the long haul. Nothing like that in my family, so nothing real to offer but my condolences.
    Julie, best of luck – only child-of info her, but I recommend getting counseling for the kids on a regular basis. I’m the only one of my sibs who had that (kind of happenstance), and it seems to have helped for managing the adult relationships.
    @meggimoo, add dairy for me – I can do a little wheat now and then, but never cow dairy. That’s my whammy for joint pain, inflammation, skin problems (worse than usual, anyway).
    @Amy, I feel for you. That first stomach lurch downward is a horrible drop. Fingers crossed for you (we did liver, immune function, cystic fibrosis, blood disorders, you name it, year and a half to find out he was lactose intolerant plus fructose malabsorbing, plus another two years to figure out that just like me and half the rest of my family, his collagen structure is just ‘off’). I still remember when they took seven vials of blood, and it seemed like there should be none left in him at that point. WAAHHHH! Fingers crossed that it is nothing/minor or an anomaly, but that they can figure out what it is as well (not knowing is sucky, too).

  145. My dad is being slow to recover from his open-heart two-valve-replacement, aortic-anuerysm-repair, atrial-fib-ablation surgery followed by installation of pacemaker… funny, at 78 years old and not terribly fit, he’s not bouncing hack from the surgery the way they had hoped. Booger. He is grumpy, but good natured about it at the same time, so that’s a mercy. Kind of grumpy in a funny way to keep it light (even though he is deeply disturbed by his slow recovery, as well, just won’t say so directly).The job posting I’ve been pimped-er-staged for is looking less fun and more dogsbody-ish as of today. Crap. Considering the godawful sum they’re billing me at (rate-wise), you’d think they’d look for more interesting things for me to do. And they want me full time, and I am NOT doing that one full time. Sorry. You put me there full time, I may have to find another job. ARGH. On the plus side, my boss is still willing to fight for me to do what I want to do, so there’s good odds I’ll stay at half-time on that. Fingers crossed.
    School. Ohmygod, school is starting next freakin week, I don’t know if we have enough uniforms for either kid, we have to buy shoes and school supplies and meet the teachers and do the open houses (two) and *AAAAHHHHHHH* Not ready! Totally ready for them to be back in school, just not ready-ready.
    My friend at work (male) is still trying to figure out what to do with me, as I keep insisting on being a better friend than he’s expecting or feels he deserves. He’s flustered and alarmed by the fact that me (and ep!) are offering to help them move, like pack and clean and heft and drive the truck if he wants us to. He still really doesn’t get why I’d go to the effort, and/or is worried about how he’ll owe us for the rest of his life and will never be able to repay the debt. Which is incorrect, since I really am acting out of gratitude for his help earlier on, making this job sane and/or fun (usually fun when it wasn’t sane). But ARGH, it drives me nuts that he gets all gosh-gee-whillakers on me. Just take the offer of help, dammit. Stupid intercultural issues. Not a bad problem to have, but just irritating some days.
    Still trying to navigate a) me liking work, b) ep starting a business, c) ep also working half-time, d) kids, e) kids, f) kids, and g) house/garden/life. How to do that and not be grumpy-pusses at each other (me and ep) all the time … I’ve turned to exercising (started middle-eastern dance again, getting WAY back in shape, ouch), which helps a little. Not enough.
    While I don’t have cancer, I may still have to have a hysterectomy if I can’t stop the whole gushing thing. The D&C did help a little, but not enough. I’m hoping that some alternative work might help some more. If I can hold out long enough, I can hit menopause and shut down rather than hysterectomy. The exercise may help, too. I’d like a tummy tuck, but it isn’t in the finances… (stupid twin skin still there, even though I’m fairly slim at this point – not down to ideal weight by any means, but getting there). Ugh. Surgery… but the stupid stand-up-and-gush thing really SUCKS.
    Niece is pregnant. Not married. Catholic.
    Nephew is in Afghanistan (airborne infantry, risk risk risk risk risk).
    And all in all, things are still good. Just lumpy. I still want to join the scream, but it is overlain with the gratitude for sane friends and decent people and wonderful hubby job and kids who rock (and thank god are heading into the next regulation stage).
    Best to those of you dealing with serious real heavy issues. Mine are more worry-and-fret plus annoy.
    Maura, you are a good person to be concerned with their wellbeing over the long haul. Nothing like that in my family, so nothing real to offer but my condolences.
    Julie, best of luck – only child-of info her, but I recommend getting counseling for the kids on a regular basis. I’m the only one of my sibs who had that (kind of happenstance), and it seems to have helped for managing the adult relationships.
    @meggimoo, add dairy for me – I can do a little wheat now and then, but never cow dairy. That’s my whammy for joint pain, inflammation, skin problems (worse than usual, anyway).
    @Amy, I feel for you. That first stomach lurch downward is a horrible drop. Fingers crossed for you (we did liver, immune function, cystic fibrosis, blood disorders, you name it, year and a half to find out he was lactose intolerant plus fructose malabsorbing, plus another two years to figure out that just like me and half the rest of my family, his collagen structure is just ‘off’). I still remember when they took seven vials of blood, and it seemed like there should be none left in him at that point. WAAHHHH! Fingers crossed that it is nothing/minor or an anomaly, but that they can figure out what it is as well (not knowing is sucky, too).

  146. 1. I am withdrawing (day 4) from my anti-anxiety medication, feel like a blown-out egg.2. I have a 3 day sinus migraine, not from withdrawal, but from this crazy hot and unstable east coast weather.
    3. A cup of coffee/glass of wine made me feel almost normal, but after taking advil for my head, I’ve ruined my stomach and can;t take more advil, have a drink, or sip coffee.
    4. Since I don’t look crazy, The usual is expected of me, but I am ringing like a bell.
    5. MY three year old daughter’s next-door best girlfriend is mean and teaching mine to scowl, to say “You can’t…!”, and to want to be FIRST at EVERYTHING. Mean girls suck.
    6. I am expected at my mil’s tiny beach cottage tomorrow for the weekend, where there will be 9 kids under 8 and no beer or coffee or traditional medications to help me.
    7. Did I say my head hurts?

  147. 1. I am withdrawing (day 4) from my anti-anxiety medication, feel like a blown-out egg.2. I have a 3 day sinus migraine, not from withdrawal, but from this crazy hot and unstable east coast weather.
    3. A cup of coffee/glass of wine made me feel almost normal, but after taking advil for my head, I’ve ruined my stomach and can;t take more advil, have a drink, or sip coffee.
    4. Since I don’t look crazy, The usual is expected of me, but I am ringing like a bell.
    5. MY three year old daughter’s next-door best girlfriend is mean and teaching mine to scowl, to say “You can’t…!”, and to want to be FIRST at EVERYTHING. Mean girls suck.
    6. I am expected at my mil’s tiny beach cottage tomorrow for the weekend, where there will be 9 kids under 8 and no beer or coffee or traditional medications to help me.
    7. Did I say my head hurts?

  148. I work on a major special event (3-day music festival) and it starts Friday night and I’ve been working 14-hour days all week and can’t sleep.My daughter starts kindergarten next week but because of said special event I have not even had time to think about it.
    I think my hot water heater is going out. Great timing!
    (But all the important stuff is well and truly in place — this too shall pass, and the event’s weather forecast is even good. Thinking of those who have real, long-term stuff going on.)

  149. I work on a major special event (3-day music festival) and it starts Friday night and I’ve been working 14-hour days all week and can’t sleep.My daughter starts kindergarten next week but because of said special event I have not even had time to think about it.
    I think my hot water heater is going out. Great timing!
    (But all the important stuff is well and truly in place — this too shall pass, and the event’s weather forecast is even good. Thinking of those who have real, long-term stuff going on.)

  150. 1. My 14-month-old is not sleeping well at all. Am seriously hoping the molar that refuses to just break through already is to blame, and once that’s taken care of, we can all get some rest.2. I have to spend the majority of the upcoming weekend with my fiance’s family. I can usually tolerate them for a few hours, but an entire weekend is asking a bit much. Then we have the upcoming Labor Day family reunion out in the boonies. Oy.
    3. Even though my son won’t be ready for preschool for a couple more years, I’ve started researching. The one I’d like to send him to costs $420 a month. Note to self: Win lottery.
    4. Everyone around me is getting pregnant and it kind of makes me miss it. Not enough to actually have another baby though.
    5. My sister is on her third round of Clomid – please let this be the one that works!

  151. 1. My 14-month-old is not sleeping well at all. Am seriously hoping the molar that refuses to just break through already is to blame, and once that’s taken care of, we can all get some rest.2. I have to spend the majority of the upcoming weekend with my fiance’s family. I can usually tolerate them for a few hours, but an entire weekend is asking a bit much. Then we have the upcoming Labor Day family reunion out in the boonies. Oy.
    3. Even though my son won’t be ready for preschool for a couple more years, I’ve started researching. The one I’d like to send him to costs $420 a month. Note to self: Win lottery.
    4. Everyone around me is getting pregnant and it kind of makes me miss it. Not enough to actually have another baby though.
    5. My sister is on her third round of Clomid – please let this be the one that works!

  152. 1.) I’m freaking out because my kid is starting school on Monday. I so hope we’ve made the right decision about where and when we’ve sent him.2.) I’m freaking out because my career is at a crossroads, and I can’t decide if I should go for it when the odds are stacked against me or if I should cut my losses now and begin again. Both decisions have long-term consequences and uncertain chance of success.
    3.) I’m freaking out because I want to have another child, but there are several preventing factors at the moment that I have little control over that have to before resolved even before we can try, and the clock is ticking.
    4.) And I’m freaking out because another year has gone by and I still haven’t found the time to take care of myself in the way that I need.

  153. 1.) I’m freaking out because my kid is starting school on Monday. I so hope we’ve made the right decision about where and when we’ve sent him.2.) I’m freaking out because my career is at a crossroads, and I can’t decide if I should go for it when the odds are stacked against me or if I should cut my losses now and begin again. Both decisions have long-term consequences and uncertain chance of success.
    3.) I’m freaking out because I want to have another child, but there are several preventing factors at the moment that I have little control over that have to before resolved even before we can try, and the clock is ticking.
    4.) And I’m freaking out because another year has gone by and I still haven’t found the time to take care of myself in the way that I need.

  154. is it too late to jump in? I missed this yesterday.Our baby-sitter went AWOL – not replying to phone calls, emails, zilch. Just decided to not show up. So now, I am trying to juggle a 7 month old, work because I have no days off left (I was in the hospital my older son for 1 week, and home taking care of him for 2 weeks after, so my time-off is totally shot for the year), interview new nannies, and frantically trying to figure out our finances to get someone to come and help a few hours a day and to figure out how to afford a new one.

  155. is it too late to jump in? I missed this yesterday.Our baby-sitter went AWOL – not replying to phone calls, emails, zilch. Just decided to not show up. So now, I am trying to juggle a 7 month old, work because I have no days off left (I was in the hospital my older son for 1 week, and home taking care of him for 2 weeks after, so my time-off is totally shot for the year), interview new nannies, and frantically trying to figure out our finances to get someone to come and help a few hours a day and to figure out how to afford a new one.

  156. * We’re broke. Sooooo broke. The good news is, I seem to have scored a job, even though it’s a recession and there’s a 3 year SAHM gap in my resume. So we’ll have more money soon. But despite sending out *billions* of applications and working my meager network the best I know how, this job was my only interview. Nobody else was even slightly interested in me. And I’m terrified, because the job offer is pending reference and background checks. What if something goes wrong? It shouldn’t, but you never know. I’ve got to start writing checks for daycare next week – what if the job falls through? It’s not like I have a second option to fall back on.* Honestly? While I adore each of my children, I hate being a mom of two. I had wanted to stop at one, but my husband wasn’t okay with that. (He’s one of those who thinks only children tend to be “weird.”) Anyway, I went ahead and had the second kid, so I’ve got to make the best of it…but it’s hard.
    * We signed a 4 year lease for a house in June. And the place is an utter pit. So many things are broken. We have mice! We have mold in the basement! And we can’t get our cheap fucking slumlord to do a thing about it. It’s my own home and I hate being here because the place is so gross. How can I live here for 4 years???

  157. * We’re broke. Sooooo broke. The good news is, I seem to have scored a job, even though it’s a recession and there’s a 3 year SAHM gap in my resume. So we’ll have more money soon. But despite sending out *billions* of applications and working my meager network the best I know how, this job was my only interview. Nobody else was even slightly interested in me. And I’m terrified, because the job offer is pending reference and background checks. What if something goes wrong? It shouldn’t, but you never know. I’ve got to start writing checks for daycare next week – what if the job falls through? It’s not like I have a second option to fall back on.* Honestly? While I adore each of my children, I hate being a mom of two. I had wanted to stop at one, but my husband wasn’t okay with that. (He’s one of those who thinks only children tend to be “weird.”) Anyway, I went ahead and had the second kid, so I’ve got to make the best of it…but it’s hard.
    * We signed a 4 year lease for a house in June. And the place is an utter pit. So many things are broken. We have mice! We have mold in the basement! And we can’t get our cheap fucking slumlord to do a thing about it. It’s my own home and I hate being here because the place is so gross. How can I live here for 4 years???

  158. @anonny — how old are you kids? what do you dislike about having two? Are they issues that will resolve as they get older?I’m so curious and would love to hear your perspective, as I think I want another but my husband *really* just wants to stick with one. It’s not the idea of having two that appeals to me, it’s just that I want another kid because I’m watching my toddler grow up so fast and, I don’t know, I just feel like I’d like to go through all this again and have another little soul in our lives. But yeah, the reality of actually having two kids doesn’t appeal to me. Weird? How do people on the fence decide this issue? It’s such a huge issue, and yet I just don’t know which way I want to go.

  159. @anonny — how old are you kids? what do you dislike about having two? Are they issues that will resolve as they get older?I’m so curious and would love to hear your perspective, as I think I want another but my husband *really* just wants to stick with one. It’s not the idea of having two that appeals to me, it’s just that I want another kid because I’m watching my toddler grow up so fast and, I don’t know, I just feel like I’d like to go through all this again and have another little soul in our lives. But yeah, the reality of actually having two kids doesn’t appeal to me. Weird? How do people on the fence decide this issue? It’s such a huge issue, and yet I just don’t know which way I want to go.

  160. @Sarah…I just had my 2nd 5 months ago, and I have to say, it is hard. Like anonny, I adore my children individually, but together, I felt extremely overwhelmed until just recently. (oldest is 3-1/2) I still have moments where they both need us at the same time and that’s challenging, but I think the hardest part is that neither parent is “off” now.Before, I could leave my son with my DH and go to a movie. Not that I can’t do it now, but it’s far more challenging to have to care for an infant and a preschooler together. I know this is only temporary, and that eventually they’ll be doing more of the same things, and it’ll be easier. After all, I had 2 because I wanted a sibling for my son…I didn’t really do it for my benefit, IYSWIM.
    So I’m looking forward to the time when they’re both old enough to go on adventurous vacations with us, or camping trips, or bike rides…you get the idea.
    YMMV, but for me, I think you go through the pain before you get the gain. But I wouldn’t trade my baby girl for anything. Just to see what other kind of person we can “make” is a trip in itself! :o)

  161. @Sarah…I just had my 2nd 5 months ago, and I have to say, it is hard. Like anonny, I adore my children individually, but together, I felt extremely overwhelmed until just recently. (oldest is 3-1/2) I still have moments where they both need us at the same time and that’s challenging, but I think the hardest part is that neither parent is “off” now.Before, I could leave my son with my DH and go to a movie. Not that I can’t do it now, but it’s far more challenging to have to care for an infant and a preschooler together. I know this is only temporary, and that eventually they’ll be doing more of the same things, and it’ll be easier. After all, I had 2 because I wanted a sibling for my son…I didn’t really do it for my benefit, IYSWIM.
    So I’m looking forward to the time when they’re both old enough to go on adventurous vacations with us, or camping trips, or bike rides…you get the idea.
    YMMV, but for me, I think you go through the pain before you get the gain. But I wouldn’t trade my baby girl for anything. Just to see what other kind of person we can “make” is a trip in itself! :o)

  162. @Sarah- I was on the fence until one day I wasn’t. Hubby wanted two, I had always thought I wanted two until I had such a handful for #1!Then, at some point, I just looked at my daughter playing with my husband, and knew that we should have another one.
    Now I’m 34 weeks pregnant and KNOW we’re done. No way I want to be pregnant again. Ugh.
    Sorry- that’s not much help.
    I do think that the fact that I have very helpful family and friends and know that we will still get the occasional break (thanks to my saint of a mother, who will happily care for two little kids while Hubby and I get a night away) made it easier to get off the fence.
    @annony- congrats on the job! Your references and background check will be fine. Both of my last job moves came off of only interviews. To save my ego, I have put that down to the rather specialized nature of what I do!

  163. @Sarah- I was on the fence until one day I wasn’t. Hubby wanted two, I had always thought I wanted two until I had such a handful for #1!Then, at some point, I just looked at my daughter playing with my husband, and knew that we should have another one.
    Now I’m 34 weeks pregnant and KNOW we’re done. No way I want to be pregnant again. Ugh.
    Sorry- that’s not much help.
    I do think that the fact that I have very helpful family and friends and know that we will still get the occasional break (thanks to my saint of a mother, who will happily care for two little kids while Hubby and I get a night away) made it easier to get off the fence.
    @annony- congrats on the job! Your references and background check will be fine. Both of my last job moves came off of only interviews. To save my ego, I have put that down to the rather specialized nature of what I do!

  164. 1. High need 5 year old, is aggressive, weepy, hostile, and overtired. This new phase started about 2 weeks ago, and I keep wondering ‘what is bugging him’?2. Constant battle in my head over if we should raise kids in my or husband’s home country (12 plane hours apart).
    3. Horrid PMS since youngest was born (2006) and fearing greatly the ominous dark creature lurking ahead a few years…menopause!

  165. 1. High need 5 year old, is aggressive, weepy, hostile, and overtired. This new phase started about 2 weeks ago, and I keep wondering ‘what is bugging him’?2. Constant battle in my head over if we should raise kids in my or husband’s home country (12 plane hours apart).
    3. Horrid PMS since youngest was born (2006) and fearing greatly the ominous dark creature lurking ahead a few years…menopause!

  166. 1. I’m 34 weeks pregnant this week. Had to haul my screaming, writhing, kicking almost-3-year-old out of the Mall today after chasing her around because she wouldn’t stay with me. She’s *fast*, and I feel like an undernourished snail these days. She proceeded to keep screaming in the car for the 1/2 hour home….I have no idea how I’m going to deal with this when there’s an actual newborn in the house.
    2. The incompetent web developers engaged by my tiny nonprofit who fired themselves last Spring keep coming back to haunt me. I go on maternity leave in 3 weeks, and I am having trouble coping…
    For balance, in good news, my mom’s endometrial biopsy says she *doesn’t* have uterine cancer. I’m more grateful about that than I could have imagined.

  167. 1. I’m 34 weeks pregnant this week. Had to haul my screaming, writhing, kicking almost-3-year-old out of the Mall today after chasing her around because she wouldn’t stay with me. She’s *fast*, and I feel like an undernourished snail these days. She proceeded to keep screaming in the car for the 1/2 hour home….I have no idea how I’m going to deal with this when there’s an actual newborn in the house.
    2. The incompetent web developers engaged by my tiny nonprofit who fired themselves last Spring keep coming back to haunt me. I go on maternity leave in 3 weeks, and I am having trouble coping…
    For balance, in good news, my mom’s endometrial biopsy says she *doesn’t* have uterine cancer. I’m more grateful about that than I could have imagined.

  168. 1. Learning how to work a full time teaching job and still be the mom I used to be when I only worked part time… this is really hard and sucks a lot.2. Not feeling like I’m getting what I need from my partner during this hard transition (he’s staying home with the babies).
    3. Still not getting any sleep (one year old and 2 and a half year old conspire against me).
    4. Did I mention that I am tired?!

  169. 1. Learning how to work a full time teaching job and still be the mom I used to be when I only worked part time… this is really hard and sucks a lot.2. Not feeling like I’m getting what I need from my partner during this hard transition (he’s staying home with the babies).
    3. Still not getting any sleep (one year old and 2 and a half year old conspire against me).
    4. Did I mention that I am tired?!

  170. @to those who are thinking about a second chld(but aren’t sure they want one)My kids are exactly 2 years apart ( 4.5 and 2.5) and although my son was pretty young when his sister came along, there are benefits having them close together ( jealousy, for one, isn’t such an issue with two year olds – until they get to 2.5 that is). If the first is relatively ‘easy’ it really is a bonus, but if s/he isn’t , well, things can only be better with no. 2, right?
    The hardest part, was not the first 6 months, when my daughter was still exclusively breastfed. Introducing solids and preparing another meal for me and hubby and a third for my son who was still not eating what we were, was by far the worst time! Three meals at three different times ( multiply this by 3 for breakfast, lunch and dinner). All I ever felt I was doing was ‘providing nutrition’ in some form to my family.
    Now everyone eats the same food, at the same time ( usually). The kids go to bed at the same time, both are out of nappies, and we rarely have to drag out the stroller anymore these days. They have a companion, so on those rainy ( or suffocatingly hot)days, they have someone to fight ( whoops, did I say that. I meant play) with, other than me. And they really are just a joy at these ages ( although I am quite looking forward to my little one turning 3).

  171. @to those who are thinking about a second chld(but aren’t sure they want one)My kids are exactly 2 years apart ( 4.5 and 2.5) and although my son was pretty young when his sister came along, there are benefits having them close together ( jealousy, for one, isn’t such an issue with two year olds – until they get to 2.5 that is). If the first is relatively ‘easy’ it really is a bonus, but if s/he isn’t , well, things can only be better with no. 2, right?
    The hardest part, was not the first 6 months, when my daughter was still exclusively breastfed. Introducing solids and preparing another meal for me and hubby and a third for my son who was still not eating what we were, was by far the worst time! Three meals at three different times ( multiply this by 3 for breakfast, lunch and dinner). All I ever felt I was doing was ‘providing nutrition’ in some form to my family.
    Now everyone eats the same food, at the same time ( usually). The kids go to bed at the same time, both are out of nappies, and we rarely have to drag out the stroller anymore these days. They have a companion, so on those rainy ( or suffocatingly hot)days, they have someone to fight ( whoops, did I say that. I meant play) with, other than me. And they really are just a joy at these ages ( although I am quite looking forward to my little one turning 3).

  172. Just thinking of all of you with huge, difficult and sad life events happening. I hope that you all get what you need to get through it.@ Sarah. I have a 3+ year old and a nearly 1 year old. And I am finding that it gets better… it’s not that it’s easier… it’s just that I am not as tired and just have more resources to try and cope. In the first months, 2 kids was just too much. But, thankfully, now, I realize that 2 kids is right. Just right. And it’s such a relief as it was my husband who really wanted it.
    Again, hearing your primal screams everyone. Sorry I can’t do anything to help. But I’m listening.

  173. Just thinking of all of you with huge, difficult and sad life events happening. I hope that you all get what you need to get through it.@ Sarah. I have a 3+ year old and a nearly 1 year old. And I am finding that it gets better… it’s not that it’s easier… it’s just that I am not as tired and just have more resources to try and cope. In the first months, 2 kids was just too much. But, thankfully, now, I realize that 2 kids is right. Just right. And it’s such a relief as it was my husband who really wanted it.
    Again, hearing your primal screams everyone. Sorry I can’t do anything to help. But I’m listening.

  174. OMG – I so need this! It isn’t a Thursday but I am going to participate!1. My father hasn’t spoken to me since we had a falling out almost 2 years ago – hasn’t acknowledged the birth of my son who is 14 mths old now, but can call my aunt (his ex-sister-in-law) to discuss an illness with her.
    2. My husband just doesn’t get how insensitive he can be. He is now a SAHD and I have had to return to work due to him losing his job (thanks to everyone who was too greedy to recognise that they couldn’t afford to pay the loans they were getting). I hate having to be away from my kids every day and want to be back home. I hate driving the crap car as I am now the breadwinner. I hate not being the person who gets to spend each day with our babies….
    3. A friend had a new baby and I wasn’t offered a cuddle. Said friend didn’t EVER offer me a cuddle of 1st born, and then when we went to visit new baby (2nd born), he was handed straight over to another friend who arrived after us! What have I done that is sooooo terrible? I am really starting to dislike this girl but have to be pleasant as hubbies are mates. Plus, said friend always got cuddles of my babies, and with my second born, my husband handed him over to her before many relatives even got a cuddle! I was so upset and am having real difficulty dealing with the emotions that have resurfaced with the birth of her child.
    There. Not major I know and I really should be thankful for what I do have.

  175. OMG – I so need this! It isn’t a Thursday but I am going to participate!1. My father hasn’t spoken to me since we had a falling out almost 2 years ago – hasn’t acknowledged the birth of my son who is 14 mths old now, but can call my aunt (his ex-sister-in-law) to discuss an illness with her.
    2. My husband just doesn’t get how insensitive he can be. He is now a SAHD and I have had to return to work due to him losing his job (thanks to everyone who was too greedy to recognise that they couldn’t afford to pay the loans they were getting). I hate having to be away from my kids every day and want to be back home. I hate driving the crap car as I am now the breadwinner. I hate not being the person who gets to spend each day with our babies….
    3. A friend had a new baby and I wasn’t offered a cuddle. Said friend didn’t EVER offer me a cuddle of 1st born, and then when we went to visit new baby (2nd born), he was handed straight over to another friend who arrived after us! What have I done that is sooooo terrible? I am really starting to dislike this girl but have to be pleasant as hubbies are mates. Plus, said friend always got cuddles of my babies, and with my second born, my husband handed him over to her before many relatives even got a cuddle! I was so upset and am having real difficulty dealing with the emotions that have resurfaced with the birth of her child.
    There. Not major I know and I really should be thankful for what I do have.

  176. Sarah-having two is hard because it’s sometimes twice the work, but it’s also really great. I love watching my kids interact with each other. I love having two different little “perspectives” in our house at any given moment. I love being able to have a conversation with my daughter who is 3 and then cuddling my sweet little boy who is 8 months old. When my daughter’s antics drive me nuts, I turn to my sweet boy and listen to him coo at me. When I wish for my baby to be able to be a little more independent, I feel lucky that my daughter is getting to be so independent. I also love knowing that each of my kids will have a companion for life. Yeah, they may not be best of friends forever, but my husband and I will make sure they are respectful and kind to each other until the day we die. (After that, they will hopefully continue to be good to each other).Selfishly, I am also really thankful for my baby’s easy-going happy personality because my daughter sure gave us a run for our money! She is still a “spirited child” although in many areas she is easier than her brother. (She was/is much less adventurous) I am also really thankful that I get to experience life with two kids because it has made me a more relaxed person. I think that had we only had one child, we would have focused on her every move way too closely and it would have led to a less than healthy sort of environment for her to grow up in. I compare the kids now and appreciate each of their strengths MORE and I am able to let go of the little annoyances better. This was not always the case, but I feel that I have grown as a parent especially after we started getting some sleep!
    No primal scream right now, but I am sending virtual hugs to those of you on this blog struggling with one issue or another.

  177. Sarah-having two is hard because it’s sometimes twice the work, but it’s also really great. I love watching my kids interact with each other. I love having two different little “perspectives” in our house at any given moment. I love being able to have a conversation with my daughter who is 3 and then cuddling my sweet little boy who is 8 months old. When my daughter’s antics drive me nuts, I turn to my sweet boy and listen to him coo at me. When I wish for my baby to be able to be a little more independent, I feel lucky that my daughter is getting to be so independent. I also love knowing that each of my kids will have a companion for life. Yeah, they may not be best of friends forever, but my husband and I will make sure they are respectful and kind to each other until the day we die. (After that, they will hopefully continue to be good to each other).Selfishly, I am also really thankful for my baby’s easy-going happy personality because my daughter sure gave us a run for our money! She is still a “spirited child” although in many areas she is easier than her brother. (She was/is much less adventurous) I am also really thankful that I get to experience life with two kids because it has made me a more relaxed person. I think that had we only had one child, we would have focused on her every move way too closely and it would have led to a less than healthy sort of environment for her to grow up in. I compare the kids now and appreciate each of their strengths MORE and I am able to let go of the little annoyances better. This was not always the case, but I feel that I have grown as a parent especially after we started getting some sleep!
    No primal scream right now, but I am sending virtual hugs to those of you on this blog struggling with one issue or another.

  178. Ok, so Moxites were right once again. I had my husband give the baby a bottle on Friday night. Took the bottle with almost no fussing and went back to nursing just fine for the next feeding.Thanks for the nudge to just do it!

  179. @Shelley – In case you’re still reading this, are you talking about Outside Lands? We’re going but can’t get a feel for how kid-friendly it is. Seems like no ins and outs? I *so* don’t want to add to your stress here. Just thought I’d ask.In any case, everything about it looks great, so GOOD JOB!

  180. Thanks so much to those who wrote in response to my post (and to those who read and felt kindly, even if you didn’t comment.)it’s a puzzle to me how the kindness of strangers can mean so much, but it does. Thank you, and thanks, Moxie, for letting me scream. I’m rooting for all of you.

  181. Glad it helps, Maura – it is strange, but yeah, I agree, strangers caring helps.@Sarah and others thinking about two (or struggling with two) – I’ve talked to a lot of people about the one/two/many thing, and it really varies. If you didn’t want the additional, it is hard to not resent the times when the work is extra hard. It’s a long haul to the ‘easier’ stages if you went in kicking and screaming…
    And also, if you didn’t completely get buried under your first and have to rearrange and revise and re-tune and figure out your whole life again with the first, in my observation you end up doing it with the second, and that makes it look like it is ‘all the fault of having two’ – but it is really more about where your own experience line was, not the specific number. My mom called it ‘hitting the wall’ – you either hit it with the first, or second, or if you’re really really organized and have easy kids, with the third. After you hit that wall, though, things are not as hard comparatively – that is, each child is sometimes more than 1 additional effort multiplier, but often less than 1. My mom’s opinion goes like this (her experience): With one you can tuck the child into your life (if they are easy enough), and be a couple with a baby. With two, you can wrangle and have a hand for each, but your life may screech to a temporary halt while you figure out how to wrangle two. With three, you no-longer have two hands for each child, and have to really ramp up your organization skills and mental management, plus drop a bunch of standards. At four, you’re refining the skills you learned with three, but are now working to make that smooth instead of sometimes a little rough. With five, you no longer have enough hands for one hand on each child, so it is all about strategy and planning, and really freakin creative solutions (scr*w the rules/expectations, do what works). After five, it matters not a bit how many you have, because the structure and approach, strategy, method, tools, techniques, organization, yadda yadda are in place. Granted, if you have multiples, it is a hammer to the head because you have to leap to the next level (or more) without the intervening stage to prep on… (My mom had seven.)
    I found that once the younger could play on their own safely with the older (which depends on BOTH their ages and abilities), the effort dropped HUGELY. Close together means that happens sooner, IMHO.
    We’d had four years of Only with the first, and it was still a lot of work at the 4 year mark to handle just the one. Meanwhile, the effort with the next (and the first, also!) dropped as the sibling was more able to interact reasonably well. At 14 months or so, there was a shift. Again at 18 mo, 24 mo, 2 1/2, though those were mainly gradual progressions. At 3 1/4, the load dropped suddenly one level, and at 4, a huge change toward ‘hey, I actually have time to myself some days!’ But that didn’t happen with just one. So the flip side of the effort of two younger than that being sucky is that after that point, the only still needs your interaction, and the sibling-ed kids have sibs to take up some of the weight.
    Whether you prefer one or the other, though, is very individual. I do miss the chance to interact without interruption with the eldest(s). I get some time to do that, but having younger kids sacrifices many of those opportunities.
    The first six months of any child’s life added to the family is survival hunkering, not enjoyment, for me, so I’d say don’t measure yet! Even the best add-in (Mr B, second child) was a complete life mangle for the first six months – and he was a SLEEPER!
    At this point, though … holy cow it is fabo. The girls are nearing 5, the boys are almost 8 and almost 12, and … well, most people don’t want or need this many kids (our friends keep watching us and saying ‘uh, we’ll stop at two, thanks!’), but I love love love the sibling thing. Watching Mr B light up about showing his sister the really cool sharks (she loves sharks, he knows this) at the aquarium was total mommy melt. Squish. But that ain’t happening for a while if you have a new baby, so the payoff is rather set to a delay.
    I recommend Siblings Without Rivalry for helping with the inevitable sibling-personality-mismatch (developmental/age or inherent). The older two are a bad fit (intellectual introvert vs emotional extrovert, hello oil and water!), but manage to love each other anyway. A lot, even.
    Good luck on deciding, for those who haven’t… and good luck on adapting and learning to love (eventually, or at least cope effectively with) the situation you have. Each stage is a new chance to discover that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all (or the opposite, for the stages you don’t like much!). New season, new opportunity, new discovery. Ebb and flow.

  182. @AnonForThis: How are you? I wish I had seen your post days ago but I was undergoing withdrawal from medication. (Mrshaley, I love you, thank you for your note. I simply ran out and can’t get a gp in this god-forsaken medical wasteland to write a script and can’t get a psychiatrist to call me back) I love my medication, not for Bi Polar, but anxiety. 16 years ago it saved me and made me– after several weeks of adjusting to the physical side effects–feel willing to take on relationships and life. I have been taking the same thing ever since (until now, in this health care hell-land). Stick with your meds, get a doctor who is responsive (keep trying), be as present as possible with your kids, as self aware as possible. DO your best to Fake IT until you stabilize. I have no idea what its like to be BP or to take your drugs, but hang in there, we’re gunning for you! Do your research, too. BP seems to be a pediatric and maybe adult diagnosis dujour. Not that you aren’t, but there’s some weird trend. I hope you are okay.

  183. This is Not Your Father’s HR Frustration over ineffective recruitment practices and high turnover are spurring a more integrated view of hiring and managing employees BusinessWeek.com Analyst Picks and Pans: Citigroup, Amgen, Blockbuster Why Be an Ethical Company? They’re Stronger and Last Longer The Postal Service’s Bid for Deliverance Broadband Stimulus and the Underserved How to Discount (If You Insist) Most popular • Most viewed • Top rated • Most e-mailed Ambush! Her new look makes son’s jaw drop Man charged in largest-ever ID theft scheme Some Obama promises must wait Fans a-Twitter over Eric Dane sex tape China one-dog law has owners hot under collar Most viewed on msnbc.com Drug compound kills breast cancer stem cells Guitar legend Les Paul has died at 94 Godric makes joyful exit on ‘True Blood’ Study: Fire used to make tools 75,000 years ago Cave complex may lie beneath Giza Pyramids Most viewed on msnbc.com Man charged in largest-ever ID theft scheme ‘School of Rock’ set to open in Oklahoma U.S. troops might go to hot spots in north Iraq Q&A on health care co-ops Couple: ‘Squirrel crasher’ pic ‘100 percent’ real Most viewed on msnbc.com By David Bogoslaw updated 8:00 p.m. ET, Mon., July 27, 2009 Human Resources is no longer about hiring, firing, and managing benefits. Top companies are realizing that a holistic approach to what has come to be called “talent management” — one that aligns a company’s goals with succession planning and employee career objectives — can produce big cost savings. Smart companies have long recognized the shortcomings of hiring based on automated keyword searches of electronically filed resumes, and have begun to have candidates fill out customized applications online. Forcing applicants to provide specific data to help guide a selection process gives employers more control than relying on information the applicant wants to share, says Fritz Drasgow, who teaches a graduate Planning and Staffing course in the School of Labor & Employment Relations at the University of Illinois. With unemployment poised to top 10% by summer’s end and pessimists projecting a rate even higher before the recession ends, this would seem to be a strange time for companies to bemoan ineffective recruitment and hiring practices. But a lot of companies have become more serious about finding the right people for open positions — or retaining their best performers — precisely because they don’t want to lose them in the tighter labor market they foresee once the economy rebounds. Story continues below ↓advertisement | your ad here A Turnaround on Long Island Consider North Shore-Long Island Jewish Health System, which employs nearly 40,000 at 14 hospitals, a major medical research institute, and several long-term care facilities and trauma centers. The company has cut spending on recruitment advertising by $7.7 million a year with help from an aggressive focus on leadership development for existing employees, says Joseph Cabral, director of human resources for the Great Neck [N.Y.] system, the country’s third-largest independent, not-for-profit healthcare organization. As part of its effort to align workers with company goals, North Shore-LIJ has built what Cabral says is the largest corporate university in health care. Its Center for Learning & Innovation is modeled after General Electric’s (GE) John F. Welch Leadership Center for employees. That, plus the Critical Care Fellowship Program, which extends employees’ education, has resulted in a low turnover rate, he says. While most hospitals struggle to stay fully staffed with nurses, “my CEO [Michael Dowling] loves to say, ‘I don’t have a nursing shortage,'” boasts Cabral. “A lot of that has to do with how you treat your workforce.” Golden Corral, a family-style restaurant chain based in Raleigh, N.C., with 480 franchises, reduced its manager turnover rate from 50% to 20% within three years by adopting a new screening system. At $25,000 to hire and train each manager, that translates to significant savings. The chain also trimmed its worker turnover rate from 148% to 90% after 18 months. Additionally, private equity firms are increasingly hiring HR professionals to assess the competency of the executives in the companies in which they are considering an investment. They understand that the closer the alignment between a new acquisition’s leadership and the company’s agenda, the better the chances of profit, according to a February 2009 article in Human Resource Executive magazine. HR departments have generally been slow to invest in technology that can boost efficiency compared with the billions of dollars they spend on payroll, general ledger, and customer relationship management [CRM] systems, says Michael Gregoire, chief executive of Taleo (TLEO), a Dublin [Calif.] firm that supplies HR software to North Shore and other companies such as Honeywell International (HON), Hyatt Hotels, and Barclays (BCS). In the past, HR managers did not have tools “to understand where does talent come from and how to get talent into the organization, and once they’re in, how to pay them and keep them motivated and [manage] succession planning,” he says. Taleo’s technology lets clients build a database of applicants that can be tapped when they need to fill a position. “Every time you’re looking for a new candidate, you’re not starting from scratch,” Gregoire says. Identifying Internal Talent North Shore-LIJ is still building its talent database. When Cabral became head of HR in 2006, he began to wonder why the company — which employs nearly 9,000 nurses — had to advertise whenever it needed a nursing manager instead of hiring from within. The main reason? “We didn’t have a system in place to identify the talent we did have and therefore couldn’t prepare them for their next role in the organization,” he says. Fitting the right people to the right jobs has become more precise as companies increasingly turn to software programs that assess temperament and character instead of just skill sets. The best candidate for a position may already be a company employee, but the company has no way to measure his performance or gauge his leadership potential. “As an HR professional, you should have your finger on the pulse of the organization, you should be the head cheerleader, you should be there to add value and input to setting objectives,” Cabral says. “It’s a very different environment than even five, seven, or ten years ago.” Many companies are now venturing far beyond rudimentary personality assessments with newer “psychometric” testing, which measures knowledge, abilities, attitudes, and personality traits as a way to determine a candidate’s compatibility with a position. Studies by Gallup and other polling outfits consistently show less than 30% of employees are truly engaged in making a business successful, says Lloyd Gottman, chief executive of Denver-based Synergetic Systems, which helps companies improve employee engagement. “That means managers and business owners are making bad decisions [in hiring or promoting people] 70%-plus of the time,” he says. Psychometric assessments aim to reveal information that leads to decisions that make the difference between a 30% and 75% success rate of employee engagement with company goals. Typical areas of inquiry include such topics as knowing whether an applicant prefers cognitive to physical work, working alone or with others, a harmonious or contentious environment, and being a follower or a leader. Services Predict Performance Psychometric assessments are becoming increasingly popular among recruiters in spite of the added expense. Industrywide, they run from $35 per head for entry level positions to $500 per head for senior executive jobs. On average, the return on investment is $20 for every dollar spent on these tests, as measured by the resulting drop in worker turnover and how much less companies are losing, Gottman says. “It costs so much to recruit, interview, hire, onboard, train, and develop an employee who leaves 90 days later,” he says. “When you think of training them, if it’s a 30-day training time, you’ve wastedone month’s salary to get them up to speed.” Kenexa (KNXA), a Wayne [Pa.]-based software and services company, is also expanding to this field. The company employs nearly 100 psychologists, researchers, and statisticians to design, validate, and link HR practices to business outcomes. Its services and materials are meant to predict performance rather than just outline prior experience, says Troy Kanter, Kenexa’s president and chief operating officer. The increasing focus among compensation committees on the idea of tying salaries and bonuses to performance is highlighting the need for performance data, says Gregoire at Taleo. “This is bopping HR back up to the true executive realm rather than an administrative realm buried under the CFO’s organization,” he says. “If 70% of your assets are based on people and you’re treating that asset administratively as opposed to strategically, how do you expect to grow and prosper?” Copyright © 2009 The McGraw-Hill Companies Inc. All rights reserved.

  184. The almost Utopian Hadbahedi is contrasted with its rival, Triphala. Whereas Triphala is clearly a place inhabited by those with loose morals – it’s where you go for liquor and chicken dinners, and its fame is built upon its political candidates (a criminal running from jail and the owner of a distillery) – Hadbahedi is a paragon of goodness and virtue. No alcohol is permitted, the residents are largely vegetarian, there is no crime. The residents of Hadbahedi Life in Hadbahedi is not perfect though: the electricity is only on sporadically throughout the day, the local newspaper is a weekly instead of daily, the airport is shared with rival town Triphala. The residents of Hadbahedi are not unhappy with their lot, yet, they long for a little more, and they dream of the possibilities of something just a little bit better.

  185. I loved the kettle caramel flavor, so did my boyfriend. The popcorn is crunchy since it is covered with caramel. It sounds wierd but it is worth the try!Check these guys out for really good, and unique, flavors. The cheese course duo is one of my favorites, but I’ve liked everything I’ve tried. Too bad they’re in Scottsdale. Time for a trip back.

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