Q&A: tandem nursing blues

Lisa writes:

"I need some help to wade through a bucketload of postpartum tandemnursing emotions, and maybe some reader experiences and data points.
Help please!

My son is almost 2 1/2 and nursed throughout my
pregnancy, but at the very end would only latch for a few seconds at a
time, once or twice a day. Well, now that my daughter has arrived (2
weeks ago) and the milk is a-flowin, he's on me all.the.time.  I had
always thought I'd let him self wean (and even naively thought that
maybe it would be soon), and was game for tandem nursing, but now I'm
feeling really conflicted.

Some of it is just the sheer logistics of nursing two, especially
when he's so adamant and persistent and acrobatic.  He of course always
wants to nurse when his sister does, and trying to keep her latched in
the midst of his acrobatics is no small feat.  But a deeper part comes
from an emotion I feel really guilty about – he just seems so BIG now
compared to his baby sister and I feel resentful when he's groping at
me.  I love my son with every fiber of my being and I don't like
feeling resentful and annoyed about a nursing relationship that has
been so great for over 2 years. I've been trying to keep my cool but I
worry that I'm not going to be able to keep it up for long.

Not surprisingly, those around me think the obvious solution is
weaning him. But I think that pushing him to wean now is probably the
worst possible timing ever, with all the upheaval in his life.  But I'm
struggling to think clearly about how to change the behavior so that he
nurses a little less often, or a little less vigorously, or something.
Maybe it's the cluster of postpartum emotions + the figuring out of how
to be mom to two + oh did I mention his nanny had to leave us a few
weeks ago so I have no child care and am looking for a new babysitter
for him?  But I feel stuck.  Any insight?"

Then she wrote an update:

"The update is that I've started weaning my toddler by cutting out the
demand nursings; now we just nurse upon awakening, at naptime, and at
bedtime. Still too many for me but at least I can tell him "we only
nurse at bedtime" etc when he tries to attach himself mid day.

But I still feel the visceral resentment, and de-latching/detaching
him at the end of those 3 nursing times is getting increasingly
difficult. It's like he knows there are limits now so stretches each
time to the maximum possible. I'm going to keep on keeping on and
figure that my return to work at the end of maternity leave will be a
natural dropping of the naptime session and sometimes the morning
session too.

The piggyback question that this raises for me is re: the advice
everyone seems to give about making changes when siblings arrive.
"Don't move to a big kid bed/potty train/take away pacifiers when the
baby comes or the older child will associate the change with the baby
and this will fuel sibling rivalry." How true is this really? How long
is it true for? Keeping in mind that my son is exactly 2 1/2 so gearing
up in a big way for that half year disequilibrium.  We need to change
bedtime but I can't wait until he's three!!"

The first thing I want to say is that I never tandem nursed, but I have felt the feeling of wanting to jump out of my skin while a child nursed, and it's horrible. It makes you want to run away, and makes you feel guilty about wanting to run away. It makes you feel like a bad mother and bad person, because your child wants something and you resent giving it. It's a tough place to be.

But it's also natural. I'm not sure there are any women who've tandem nursed who haven't felt at least some of that feeling. I'm betting it also varies by the ages of the kids, and by how much the older one nurses and how often, etc.

Parenting is always about boundaries. And you can only prioritize your kids so much before it becomes unhealthy for you. One of the hidden gifts of nursing (that I never really figured out until I had an older child) is that you're forced to navigate the changing border of your needs vs. your kids' needs all the time, so that by the time things get really high-stakes you're already used to it.

FWIW, I never thought the reason not to change things when a new baby came was to prevent sibling rivalry. I thought it was because too many changes would overload your child and would make the changes less likely to succeed. So this is another case of a solution is only a solution if it's not worse than the problem–if weaning makes things better for you, and gives you more resources to parent both your kids, then that's the solution. If weaning causes you more stress (as it does for some people), then it's not a solution. Only you know which is the case for you and your family.

Plenty of 2 1/2-year-olds have been weaned when a younger sibling was born. Plenty of them have continued to nurse. Even more of them weren't nursing by that point at all. It's my strong suspicion that we wouldn't be able to tell the difference among them, and that their relationships with their siblings weren't affected by that at all. (If anyone's got any research confirming or negating that, please let us know.)

Your son is important, and your baby is important, but you are important, too. Raising good people is partly about teaching them how to respect other people's boundaries. If you can come up with a solution that makes all of you feel good, that would be a parenting utopia. But while you're figuring out who to prioritize here, remember that there's no wrong or right answer, and you and your son are going to get something valuable out of whatever decision you make.

Can anyone comment on tandem nursing? Suggestions or empathy? Virtual chocolate?

0 thoughts on “Q&A: tandem nursing blues”

  1. I’m so happy for this topic today! I don’t have exactly the same problem – in fact the externals are kind of the opposite: We want to have another baby, but I still have no AF, in spite of cutting the nursing down to once a day. The beanie is 13 months old, and dropping the morning feed was hard; now I’m contemplating weaning him as the other way to get my body back on track. But I don’t want to wean him! I’m not ready and he loves it – every time he pulls at my shirt I wish I could let him nurse. So anyway, the particulars are different, but the emotional results the same – the tug of war of feelings and trying to figure out how to prioritize (feels irrationally like I’m choosing the [fictive] new baby over him).I have lots of empathy – but I wish I had a helpful suggestion! It sounds like you want to wean him but feel guilty about it. Moxie is totally right – in every parenting decision, your needs have to be taken into consideration and also the need of the new baby to nurse in a connected way to you. Sounds like a gentle phasing out of nursing the toddler is a good plan of action – I didn’t have any trouble with my son dropping feedings one at a time, with some space between dropping. He pulls at my shirt still, but he doesn’t cry or freak out. Also maybe you could introduce some kind of Super Fancy Special Amazing Cup for him to drink out of and/or some Special Toddler/Mommy cuddle time so he doesn’t feel kicked out by the new baby.

  2. I don’t have anything for this topic, but I just wanted to say how much I like this community. Most other places would either be filled with people who glorify tandem nursing – “It is the most wonderful, beautiful thing ever and it is impossible for anything to be bad about it” or completely reject it as a possibility. I just love how this site respects that we choose to do things for our babies and yet find them challenging.

  3. My kids are 2 yrs, 9 months apart and I’ve been tandem nursing for the last 16 months. I’ve been ready for my older one to wean completely for a few months but we have a lot of transition in our lives right now (moving across the country in two weeks) and I’m just not going to push her to wean on top of such a huge transition. While I’m happy to have been tandem nursing – because I think it was/is important to my daughter – I’ll be happy when she weans.I guess my only suggestions are to set firm boundaries (which it sounds like you’ve done). And that I think the key to avoiding daytime nursing issues is to keep busy/active, but I know how hard that is if you a) have a newborn and b) have no childcare.
    As for the visceral thing – one trick I picked up from another tandem nursing mom was this – for her, and us, bedtime is a “nurse for a long time” nursing session but all others are limited by “counting to ten”. I let my daughter nurse for a minute or so and then gently tell her it’s time to count. Usually she lets go at “one” but if we get to ten, I enforce the boundary.
    Good luck and lots of chocolate!

  4. Been there, exactly. My son nursed through my pregnancy, was down to once a day, and it all went to heck when his sister was born. For two months or so my guilt induced me to let him nurse on demand and it was HARD. After that I tried to cut back to just morning, naptime, and evening – we’re doing anywhere from 2 to 5 big nursings daily now, 7 months later, and he’s probably still nursing more than the baby.Some days it makes me insane, other days I just shrug and say “Maybe he’ll wean when she does.” Trying to limit the length of sessions doesn’t work very well and I often have to just push him off. But it keeps the peace, gets him to nap when otherwise he wouldn’t, and just seems to be what he needs. I never intended to tandem nurse, but the alternative always seemed worse. You do what you have to.

  5. Oh, and I highly recommend “Adventures in Tandem Nursing”, by Hillary Flower, if you just need to feel a bit less like you’re doing something incredibly bizarre just by tandem nursing. “Mothering Your Nursing Toddler” by Norma Jane Bumgarner also has chapters on tandem nursing and nursing older toddlers, which I found very helpful when feeling particularly antsy.

  6. My 2.8 yr old son is still nursing, but he is an only child. I feel the same way you do, but am not also caring for a newborn. I have also had success in limited nursing to the times you mentioned. When he seems to want to nurse for an eternity and I have had enough, I do the counting trick that Stephanie in PR mentioned (my son grins and counts with me, then usually happily jumps off)…or I mention something really fun for us to go do together that makes him want to stop (go play cars, get a yummy snack, etc.).

  7. First of all, congratulations on your new baby and props to you for nursing through pregnancy, which I know from experience is not all sweetness and light when you are utterly exhausted and feel sick and your breasts are so sensitive you want to just cry. Just saying.I can only tell you what I did, because every mom-child pair and every family has to do what is right for them.
    (But first I want to plug La Leche–if you can find a toddler meeting, please consider going. Really first rate discussions of NEEDS vs WANTS, how to gently create boundaries and limits, etc. from people who have done it or are living it every day.)
    My kids are closer together–less than 2 years–and I wanted to let my older one nurse until at least 2, because I had in my head that this is what she was entitled to. (I own this as my own bullshit.) Nursing through my first trimester with my surprise pregnancy was painful, and this was the point when I started imposing limits: “You can nurse while I sing the ABCs, then you have to stop, etc.” At the same time, I could continue to rely on it for naps, calming her, making her feel secure, so I was so glad to be able to push through the physical pain for the psychological benefits, as it were.
    The first week or two of tandem nursing was as described, a lot of “Nurse me!” all day, every day, which was not the 3-4x times a day as it had been before baby #2 was born. I don’t know what compelled me to do this (guilt?), but it worked: I let #1 nurse whenever she wanted to, but with strict time limits (only for 1 minute, only until the count of 10, whatever the moment called for). After a week or so of that, she saw that I was still accessible to her in that way, and she returned to her regular schedule. (She has always been a schedule-oriented kid.)
    It was fine for a while, but when #2 was about 9 months old (so #1 was about 2 1/2), and it was my husband’s busy time at work, so he wasn’t home at bedtime, that things started to fall apart at the bedtime nursing. Everyone was tired and cranky and refused to stay calm while the other nursed. (My own personal limit was that I did NOT enjoy nursing both at once. It happened maybe only 4-5 times in the 26 months that I tandem nursed, and it had to be a real emergency; I could really only handle one at a time on me.) At that point we introduced SPECIAL BIG GIRL CHAPTER BOOKS to read at night instead of the before bed nursing. (Fill in what might catch another child’s fancy.) Special time with her, but not nursing. It made things less hairy.
    Naptime nursing got dropped with the nap, at just over 3 years old. Morning nursing, the most important to her, did not go until a week after her 4th birthday. At that point it was ridiculous to me—I had limited her a long time before to mere seconds because it was causing terrible strife between the kids and made me feel awful every morning. But, like I said, she was so schedule oriented she seemed to really NEED those 10 seconds to put her entire day in order. When it came to weaning we talked about it for a long, long time beforehand. Did not offer special presents or a party or anything, because I did not want make it a big deal. I opened the calendar to her birthday month and let her pick the day. I wanted the last nursing to be fabulous. It wasn’t. But in the end it took her only 2 days to get over the “bereft,” and she’s never expressed any kind of jealousy or bad feelings towards her nursling brother (who still is, at age 3+).
    I totally agree with Moxie, in that you have to make room for your own needs and wants and personal space. It can be so hard and frustrating to set those limits and stick to them when you’re tired and emotional and sick of repeating the same five sentences over again when all you want is a nap, a shower, and…did I eat today? I don’t remember. (Watch out for that.) The typical advice for dealing with 2 year olds–DISTRACT! GO OUTSIDE!–can be difficult to impossible to achieve with a tiny nursling in tow also.
    You’re doing a great job. Your son and your daughter are lucky to have you–so please make sure you take care of YOU.

  8. Well, I don’t have a data point per say, but some similar things that happened when my son was born and my daughter was 23 months old. My daughter weaned gradually with very little encouragement from me at 14 months. When she saw her little brother nursing 9 months later, though, she wanted to nurse. She didn’t remember how to latch, so she basically pretended to nurse a couple of times in the first few months. I think with her it was more of a “brother gets to do it so I want to” type of thing, which faded once he was 3-4 months old, and she saw that we had other special things we did without brother. I did make sure to talk about those special things we did without brother while we were doing them. “Oh, BigGirl and mama are reading night-night stories/playing on the slide/etc, brother’s too little for that.” All I can say to you otherwise is GOOD LUCK!

  9. I think that a big part of the issue is not particular to tandem nursing. No matter what the age gap, when there’s a new baby, the older sib is going to “need” mom more – My two are 5 years apart and when El was born, her 5 year old sister would insert herself into my lap or have a crisis whenever I was trying to (bottle) feed the new baby.I think it’s similar to when you’re on the phone and then all of a sudden the little kid can.not. play by himself anymore or needs juice real bad or insert invented crisis here. Since you are not available, he needs you now. Frankly, the 15 year old still has moments like that – like when you’re on the phone is the only good time for him to ask you a question.
    That feeling is tough, but as you guys get going you will find strategies to deal with it, and it’ll get easier because older brother will mellow out too, and realize that you’re not going anywhere. You could have older brother go pick out a story and snuggle up or sit on the other half of your lap, and you can read to both while nursing or snuggle up and watch a show together while nursing the baby.

  10. I second @Kate’s suggestion to get with the toddler group at your local LLL (La Leche League). There is no substitute for interaction & support from people IRL who are going/have gone through the same challenges & are making similar tandem nursing choices as you.Mad props to you for being able to nurse for 2.5+ years – you’ve gone longer than the AAP (1 year) and WHO (2 years) recommendations. By these standards, you have already gone above & beyond the call of duty for your elder child. I also want to add that if your feelings of resentment and annoyance remain, there is absolutely NO SHAME in calling it quits. These feelings may be your body’s way of telling you something. I really believe that when we mothers begin to disregard our feelings, we ignore certain warning signals meant to keep us mentally & physically healthy. Good luck to you!

  11. No advice on Tandem, but I sure know the feeling Moxie describes. I weaned my daughter right at 2 (my choice, she would have gone on I think) because there seemed to be a reasonably good opportunity between sets of teeth. I wrote a cute little book to help her out with it–little verses about what big kids do instead of nursing. I put pictures in and bound it with ribbon and we started reading it once we were down to 2 nursings a day. I think it really helped. I’ve posted this before, but I’m happy to share the book–click the link in my sig to get to a page with my email if you’d like to see it.

  12. At 2, and at 2 1/2, I had the same reaction – even without tandem nursing. That AAAHHHH RUN AWAY feeling for me is actually sign of one of the developmental disregulation stages. It’s the I want to QUIT! feeling. Followed by guilt or rolled up with resentment, or both.So, not just the tandem, there, IMHO – mainly the age.
    I found it easier to wean (and also to gain control of the behavior) between the fussy stages, rather than in them. In them, I just hunkered down and got through. Then as the pressure eased up, putting on more speed on the transition was ideal – though harder to remember to DO when things are working okay! I will admit freely that I mainly ended up pushing the process for outside factors at those points, not because I remembered all by myself. Sigh.
    I haven’t read the Adventures in Tandem Nursing book …but I’m a contributor to the Adventures in Gentle Discipline book, same author, and I would definitely recommend her work for helping you feel sane and not alone. Probably some good ideas available for helping you cope, too.
    For me, those stages were about nursing manners, limits, finding my personal line, learning how to communicate what my line was before it was too late, problem-solving between the two of us (I want this, you want that), finding distractions, etc. With twins (my only real tandem experience), the nursing frenzy (jealousy or parallel demand reaction) around the fussy stages was INTENSE. And SO irritating, because it looked so much like jealousy.
    BUT, some nice research-based information for ya – what appears to be jealousy is actually early version of empathy. It is the ability to understand the other child’s experience (and therefore want some of that, too) that is the first stage of real empathy development. Cognitive empathy comes second, but this version – as annoying as it is for us – is not unimportant. You can comment on that, recognize it, and reflect it back positively – you really understand your baby sister, you can see that she is nursing, and can picture how nice that is for her. That reminds you that you like it, too. You two are alike – you both like the same thing.
    That may also help you cope with the sibling concern (which I found was not a real concern, in the end – my kids were all completely aware that it was not the BABY’s fault that things changed, it was OUR fault as the adults. Some kids may blame the baby if that seems emotionally safer, but by 2 1/2, they’re IMHO more likely to place that squarely on Parental Shoulders). If you don’t have it, Siblings Without Rivalry is a good book for learning how to frame the interactions so that they learn how to navigate their relationship more effectively.

  13. At 2, and at 2 1/2, I had the same reaction – even without tandem nursing. That AAAHHHH RUN AWAY feeling for me is actually sign of one of the developmental disregulation stages. It’s the I want to QUIT! feeling. Followed by guilt or rolled up with resentment, or both.So, not just the tandem, there, IMHO – mainly the age.
    I found it easier to wean (and also to gain control of the behavior) between the fussy stages, rather than in them. In them, I just hunkered down and got through. Then as the pressure eased up, putting on more speed on the transition was ideal – though harder to remember to DO when things are working okay! I will admit freely that I mainly ended up pushing the process for outside factors at those points, not because I remembered all by myself. Sigh.
    I haven’t read the Adventures in Tandem Nursing book …but I’m a contributor to the Adventures in Gentle Discipline book, same author, and I would definitely recommend her work for helping you feel sane and not alone. Probably some good ideas available for helping you cope, too.
    For me, those stages were about nursing manners, limits, finding my personal line, learning how to communicate what my line was before it was too late, problem-solving between the two of us (I want this, you want that), finding distractions, etc. With twins (my only real tandem experience), the nursing frenzy (jealousy or parallel demand reaction) around the fussy stages was INTENSE. And SO irritating, because it looked so much like jealousy.
    BUT, some nice research-based information for ya – what appears to be jealousy is actually early version of empathy. It is the ability to understand the other child’s experience (and therefore want some of that, too) that is the first stage of real empathy development. Cognitive empathy comes second, but this version – as annoying as it is for us – is not unimportant. You can comment on that, recognize it, and reflect it back positively – you really understand your baby sister, you can see that she is nursing, and can picture how nice that is for her. That reminds you that you like it, too. You two are alike – you both like the same thing.
    That may also help you cope with the sibling concern (which I found was not a real concern, in the end – my kids were all completely aware that it was not the BABY’s fault that things changed, it was OUR fault as the adults. Some kids may blame the baby if that seems emotionally safer, but by 2 1/2, they’re IMHO more likely to place that squarely on Parental Shoulders). If you don’t have it, Siblings Without Rivalry is a good book for learning how to frame the interactions so that they learn how to navigate their relationship more effectively.

  14. No advice on Tandem nursing at all, but when I was weaning my son, it helped me a lot to have his Dad around, or even a friend to help distract him with cuddles, activities and other yummy things to eat. Perhaps you need to find some other one on one bonding to gradually replace the breastfeeding. So instead of a morning breastfeed on waking, your partner could take your son while you feed the little one in private, and then you swap and spend some really special alone time with the toddler.I agree with Moxie, you need to make yourself a priority, otherwise you might exhaust yourself, and then you’re good for no-one! Sometimes you have to fit your oxygen mask first…

  15. No advice on Tandem nursing at all, but when I was weaning my son, it helped me a lot to have his Dad around, or even a friend to help distract him with cuddles, activities and other yummy things to eat. Perhaps you need to find some other one on one bonding to gradually replace the breastfeeding. So instead of a morning breastfeed on waking, your partner could take your son while you feed the little one in private, and then you swap and spend some really special alone time with the toddler.I agree with Moxie, you need to make yourself a priority, otherwise you might exhaust yourself, and then you’re good for no-one! Sometimes you have to fit your oxygen mask first…

  16. No advice on tandem nursing: I did it, but it was with twins so they were used to the drill all the way through.Just my 2 cents worth about the sibling rivalry: I agree with Moxie, I don’t think it’s about INCREASING sibling rivalry by making all these transitions. It’s not about the relationship between the siblings so much as it’s about the AMAZING changes going on at 2.5 years old. Regardless of whether there was a new sibling, 2.5 brings on the beginning of a new-found understanding of jealousy. Before that, kids don’t really have the capacity to understand the complexities of competing relationships. Of course, a new sibling really ramps up those emotions big time, but they’d be sorting some form of them out anyway (jealousy of dad with mom, jealousy of mom’s time in general with ANYTHING else, etc.). All the research I’ve read makes no link to worst sibling relationships/rivalry and transitions like weaning and so on. I’ve written quite a bit about the jealousy onset at 2.5 years here, if you’re interested:
    http://bedtiming.typepad.com/bed-timing/25—3-years/

  17. Here’s my tandeming story. Son was 2y11m when daughter was born in November. So my poor boy had New Baby, then Thanksgiving family craziness, then his birthday, then potty training, then Christmas craziness. I let him have unrestricted access to the breast during all this time (my boobs were so full and I felt like we both needed it); prior to the baby he had been down to nightime, nap, and an occasional morning. He really really needed to nurse to go to sleep–apparently my time in the hospital was a total disaster sleepwise.He slept with us (the baby, to my shock, preferred a crib as strongly as my son preferred my company) and woke up every time I got up to nurse the baby, sobbing until I was done. When the baby was two months old, I felt like I had enough energy to nightwean him again, which actually went pretty smoothly and helped the nightwaking issue. For the first time he would accept my husband’s comfort when he woke up and I wasn’t there.
    I was also very concerned about too many changes at once and him associating these changes with the baby. He liked his baby sister a lot but would get very impatient to nurse when she was nursing. After he was nightweaned, I took a few weeks to get him back down to nights and naps only. I was pretty much okay with tandeming in theory, but bedtime was such a logistical nightmare. Nobody could wait, or the one I’d just gotten to sleep would pop up as I was trying to nurse the other one down. There was a lot of crying all around. My husband wanted to help but there was no way to fit him in. Naps were worse (and at this point I had no guarantee the boy would take one even if I got the baby down at the right time). So much crying and yelling. And this was during the dark and cold winter when we’re all cooped up inside and not getting enough vitamin D. Not my best moments as a parent.
    So I felt like I had to stop nursing the boy to sleep, and since that was the only time he nursed, that meant weaning. We talked about it quite a bit beforehand. He was not cool with the idea at all. I counted down the last six or so nursings. The last one was a nap. He was 3y3m, so I tandemed for four months. I just told him “It’s time to be all done with milk.” No more explanation was asked for or given. (He does not go for the “big boy” line of argument.) He didn’t ask why the baby still got to nurse and he didn’t seem resentful or jealous when he saw her nursing. It went pretty smoothly, actually. He was obviously sad but he didn’t carry on about it, and he was able to easily make the transition to falling asleep without nursing. The naps went away for good though.
    He is now 3y6m, and last month he went through a bit of a rough patch where he was acting out for no reason that I could figure out. I don’t remember if he said it first or I did, but it came out that he missed nursing. “I wish I was still little and could have milk.” And I said something like, “You wish you were still little, it is hard to be all done with milk. Does it make you sad? Does it make you mad? It’s okay, I know it’s hard, you’re doing a good job being all done. Do you want to cry about it? It’s okay, you can always talk to me and cry about it.” And he went through a week or two where he would need to go through that with me every other day or so. Extinction burst of sorts, I suppose.
    And since then, smooth sailing. We even moved him to his own bed/bedroom and he is handling that with surprising grace as well. I would not have predicted that he could have handled so many changes in such a short time, but he did.

  18. Here’s my tandeming story. Son was 2y11m when daughter was born in November. So my poor boy had New Baby, then Thanksgiving family craziness, then his birthday, then potty training, then Christmas craziness. I let him have unrestricted access to the breast during all this time (my boobs were so full and I felt like we both needed it); prior to the baby he had been down to nightime, nap, and an occasional morning. He really really needed to nurse to go to sleep–apparently my time in the hospital was a total disaster sleepwise.He slept with us (the baby, to my shock, preferred a crib as strongly as my son preferred my company) and woke up every time I got up to nurse the baby, sobbing until I was done. When the baby was two months old, I felt like I had enough energy to nightwean him again, which actually went pretty smoothly and helped the nightwaking issue. For the first time he would accept my husband’s comfort when he woke up and I wasn’t there.
    I was also very concerned about too many changes at once and him associating these changes with the baby. He liked his baby sister a lot but would get very impatient to nurse when she was nursing. After he was nightweaned, I took a few weeks to get him back down to nights and naps only. I was pretty much okay with tandeming in theory, but bedtime was such a logistical nightmare. Nobody could wait, or the one I’d just gotten to sleep would pop up as I was trying to nurse the other one down. There was a lot of crying all around. My husband wanted to help but there was no way to fit him in. Naps were worse (and at this point I had no guarantee the boy would take one even if I got the baby down at the right time). So much crying and yelling. And this was during the dark and cold winter when we’re all cooped up inside and not getting enough vitamin D. Not my best moments as a parent.
    So I felt like I had to stop nursing the boy to sleep, and since that was the only time he nursed, that meant weaning. We talked about it quite a bit beforehand. He was not cool with the idea at all. I counted down the last six or so nursings. The last one was a nap. He was 3y3m, so I tandemed for four months. I just told him “It’s time to be all done with milk.” No more explanation was asked for or given. (He does not go for the “big boy” line of argument.) He didn’t ask why the baby still got to nurse and he didn’t seem resentful or jealous when he saw her nursing. It went pretty smoothly, actually. He was obviously sad but he didn’t carry on about it, and he was able to easily make the transition to falling asleep without nursing. The naps went away for good though.
    He is now 3y6m, and last month he went through a bit of a rough patch where he was acting out for no reason that I could figure out. I don’t remember if he said it first or I did, but it came out that he missed nursing. “I wish I was still little and could have milk.” And I said something like, “You wish you were still little, it is hard to be all done with milk. Does it make you sad? Does it make you mad? It’s okay, I know it’s hard, you’re doing a good job being all done. Do you want to cry about it? It’s okay, you can always talk to me and cry about it.” And he went through a week or two where he would need to go through that with me every other day or so. Extinction burst of sorts, I suppose.
    And since then, smooth sailing. We even moved him to his own bed/bedroom and he is handling that with surprising grace as well. I would not have predicted that he could have handled so many changes in such a short time, but he did.

  19. Wow. I applaud you for trying, and going forward.My first son only nursed 7 months, so it wasn’t an issue. My second, however, was forcibly weaned (albeit quite gradually) by me when I got pregnant in April. I couldn’t take it – being grabbed, being touched, the entire nursing experience – it became like torture.
    I thought it would be hard to wean him, but it went really smoothly, such that I don’t even remember his last feed. He still sees my breasts and announces the “mummy milk” but now he knows that they are for the baby. (I had a minor scary moment when I first told him that the mummy milk was for baby, and he gave me the scariest, “how dare you” look…then he smiled, and all was well)
    I expect he’ll want to try again when baby is born, and that’s okay. Even now, only 2 months after weaning, I don’t think he remembers how to latch properly.

  20. Wow. I applaud you for trying, and going forward.My first son only nursed 7 months, so it wasn’t an issue. My second, however, was forcibly weaned (albeit quite gradually) by me when I got pregnant in April. I couldn’t take it – being grabbed, being touched, the entire nursing experience – it became like torture.
    I thought it would be hard to wean him, but it went really smoothly, such that I don’t even remember his last feed. He still sees my breasts and announces the “mummy milk” but now he knows that they are for the baby. (I had a minor scary moment when I first told him that the mummy milk was for baby, and he gave me the scariest, “how dare you” look…then he smiled, and all was well)
    I expect he’ll want to try again when baby is born, and that’s okay. Even now, only 2 months after weaning, I don’t think he remembers how to latch properly.

  21. (Haven’t read the comments – sorry!)I nursed my oldest until she was 28 months old, including 9 months of pregnancy and 9 months of tandem nursing. I did NOT have a granola crunchy earth mother experience. I pretty much hated every minute of it. I finally was able to wean my oldest by traveling to a wedding with my youngest, and leaving the oldest with Dad. When I got home, I told her that if she nursed I’d have to go away again, and since I didn’t want to go away again, she couldn’t nurse.
    I remember that nursing resentment. I’ve talked to lots of moms who have had it while only nursing a single child. I can’t imagine how moms of multiples do it. I really believe that it’s a hormonal thing, because you are sitting there nursing and feeling it, and you can think, “This doesn’t make any sense…” right in the midst of it, but that doesn’t change the feeling. Maybe it’s our body’s way of telling us that we need a break? I don’t know. I don’t think that it makes you a bad person, or a bad mother, or that it’s anything you have control over. I think of it the same way I think of PPD – a hormonal reaction that can only be managed, not controlled.
    I can tell you this – do not waste your money on the LLL’s tandem nursing book (the one with a frigging superhero mom on the front – talk about pressure through imagery!). It was no help whatsoever.
    Here’s what helped me – I nursed the baby on my “good” side and gave the side that didn’t produce as well to the big kid. I nursed the baby on the left all the time and the big girl on the right. Some people say that’s a bad idea, but it really worked for us. They’re both weaned now, and I’m no more lopsided than I was before.
    I did a lot of nursing lying down. I would lay on my left and nurse the baby, and the toddler would stand behind me, lean over my body, and nurse “tops” as she called it. I could kind of zone out and go to my mental happy place, and try to ignore feeling like a dairy cow. Sometimes I could get away with reading a magazine while they nursed. At least my body was resting, even if I wasn’t asleep. If the baby fell asleep that way, I’d turn over and let the toddler lie down and nurse her side, then we’d all nap together.
    I only nursed the toddler at naptime and bedtime. I made exceptions if she got hurt and really needed it, but I had to limit her for my own sanity.
    We have a book called “What Baby Needs” that is by Dr. Sears that talks about what the older kid can do while baby is nursing. We actually read that book a lot while I was nursing the little one.
    I relied a little more heavily on TV than I am proud to admit. It’s a habit we still haven’t broken.
    Set a timer and tell your oldest that when the timer goes off, he’s done. Start with 4 or 5 minutes, whatever you can stand, and work down gradually from there. Also, I gave my kid a choice – do you want nur-nurs or do you want M&Ms? – when I really couldn’t stand it. She sometimes chose the M&Ms.
    If you need to wean your oldest, you should do so, and the guilt can go to hell. I warn you that the LLL will be NO help when it comes to weaning. It’s just not part of their directive. They call what I did (going away with the baby) “weaning by abandonment” – to hell with them. It would’ve been “weaning by suicide” if I hadn’t done it when I did. You do what you have to do for your sanity and your family and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re wrong.
    Sibling rivalry really kicked in, around here, when the baby became mobile and she could play with the toys (that the big one inevitably wanted Right Now!), take things, etc. If you’re going to make any big changes in where he sleeps or anything, I’d do it now. I think it would be more traumatic when the S.R. kicks in – about 6 months from now.
    Gotta run!! Hope this helps. Visit my blog at prettybabies.blogspot.com and look at the tag “two under two” for lots of helpful hints and tricks!!

  22. (Haven’t read the comments – sorry!)I nursed my oldest until she was 28 months old, including 9 months of pregnancy and 9 months of tandem nursing. I did NOT have a granola crunchy earth mother experience. I pretty much hated every minute of it. I finally was able to wean my oldest by traveling to a wedding with my youngest, and leaving the oldest with Dad. When I got home, I told her that if she nursed I’d have to go away again, and since I didn’t want to go away again, she couldn’t nurse.
    I remember that nursing resentment. I’ve talked to lots of moms who have had it while only nursing a single child. I can’t imagine how moms of multiples do it. I really believe that it’s a hormonal thing, because you are sitting there nursing and feeling it, and you can think, “This doesn’t make any sense…” right in the midst of it, but that doesn’t change the feeling. Maybe it’s our body’s way of telling us that we need a break? I don’t know. I don’t think that it makes you a bad person, or a bad mother, or that it’s anything you have control over. I think of it the same way I think of PPD – a hormonal reaction that can only be managed, not controlled.
    I can tell you this – do not waste your money on the LLL’s tandem nursing book (the one with a frigging superhero mom on the front – talk about pressure through imagery!). It was no help whatsoever.
    Here’s what helped me – I nursed the baby on my “good” side and gave the side that didn’t produce as well to the big kid. I nursed the baby on the left all the time and the big girl on the right. Some people say that’s a bad idea, but it really worked for us. They’re both weaned now, and I’m no more lopsided than I was before.
    I did a lot of nursing lying down. I would lay on my left and nurse the baby, and the toddler would stand behind me, lean over my body, and nurse “tops” as she called it. I could kind of zone out and go to my mental happy place, and try to ignore feeling like a dairy cow. Sometimes I could get away with reading a magazine while they nursed. At least my body was resting, even if I wasn’t asleep. If the baby fell asleep that way, I’d turn over and let the toddler lie down and nurse her side, then we’d all nap together.
    I only nursed the toddler at naptime and bedtime. I made exceptions if she got hurt and really needed it, but I had to limit her for my own sanity.
    We have a book called “What Baby Needs” that is by Dr. Sears that talks about what the older kid can do while baby is nursing. We actually read that book a lot while I was nursing the little one.
    I relied a little more heavily on TV than I am proud to admit. It’s a habit we still haven’t broken.
    Set a timer and tell your oldest that when the timer goes off, he’s done. Start with 4 or 5 minutes, whatever you can stand, and work down gradually from there. Also, I gave my kid a choice – do you want nur-nurs or do you want M&Ms? – when I really couldn’t stand it. She sometimes chose the M&Ms.
    If you need to wean your oldest, you should do so, and the guilt can go to hell. I warn you that the LLL will be NO help when it comes to weaning. It’s just not part of their directive. They call what I did (going away with the baby) “weaning by abandonment” – to hell with them. It would’ve been “weaning by suicide” if I hadn’t done it when I did. You do what you have to do for your sanity and your family and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re wrong.
    Sibling rivalry really kicked in, around here, when the baby became mobile and she could play with the toys (that the big one inevitably wanted Right Now!), take things, etc. If you’re going to make any big changes in where he sleeps or anything, I’d do it now. I think it would be more traumatic when the S.R. kicks in – about 6 months from now.
    Gotta run!! Hope this helps. Visit my blog at prettybabies.blogspot.com and look at the tag “two under two” for lots of helpful hints and tricks!!

  23. No time to read the other posts. I want to tackle this from another angle.First let me say that nursing two is a heroic thing to do, congratulations on your strength. I have no fast and hard research about whether or not this affects the sibling relationship. I can say it may or may not, I think boundaries are the best way to handle it until you wean.
    Stephanie in PR at 7:06: I LOVE the idea of count to ten. It feels like a perfect boundary for a 2 yr old to me. It says, “you can have this, and isn’t playing more fun.” It doesn’t create resentment toward baby; it empowers the 2.5 to be the bigger one without anything being taken away.
    Here’s what I want to address. The resentment, the internal need to stop the breastfeeding of the older one is your body, mind and spirit sending you a message about YOUR needs. It’s your mommy sense in full swing; it’s what’s true for you no matter what the books or others say. Honor your mommy sense in whatever way you want to, but don’t ignore it.
    When a mom ignores her mommy sense she’s swallowing her feelings. Those feelings have to go somewhere. Most of the time they lay there quietly until more are pilled on top of them and then we blow. When you add hormones and postpartum to the situation you can imagine that this won’t take too long.
    The honoring of your feelings is hard especially when the feelings don’t match up with the dream, wish and desire you had before the new baby arrived to nurse both of your children. You must feel conflicted between what you dreamed would happen and the feelings you’re having now that it is happening.
    To help YOU and get you back to balance, look into the conflicted feelings and decide what’s true for YOU and what YOU really want. Once those feelings are honored clarity will show up and you’ll have the all the strength and courage to do what YOU want to do, not what others think you should do.
    If you decide to nurse both, I would institute the count to ten method and I believe this will naturally begin the weaning process. Doing it this way becomes the best of both worlds. You recognize that you’re weaning, so you have less frustration and resentment. Your son gets to wean naturally and without resentment too. There’s no “it’s happening today and that’s the way it goes” type of method. I believe using that type of policy *could* begin sibling rivalry; it all depends on YOUR child.
    The last point I want to bring up is that mothering is an instinctual process; it comes from your heart and reads the unseen and unheard parts of raising a child, that’s your intuition at work.
    This is something that develops as time goes by. We’ve all had the experience of waking a few seconds before the baby does and wondering why we’re awake and then we hear the child, that’s mommy sense at work. You’ll need to be comfortable using your intuition and be able to trust it as your children grows. It will tell you when it’s time to institute a boundary. It will tell you when your child is sick. It will tell you when to draw the emotional line with them when they’re having a “fit”. Honoring YOUR feelings is how this is accomplished. If you don’t honor YOUR feelings you’ll begin to feel conflicted about what to do and when to implement things in the future.
    Congratulations on the new baby. And please do what YOUR heart tells YOU to do.
    I have a bit of news. I now have my own “TV” show on MomTV, a new online resource for moms. If you want to hear more from me and be able to ask me questions directly join me every Wednesday beginning June 24th at 10 am PST at MomTV.com. My 1-minute video to introduce the concept and myself will be up by this Friday. This is the URL for the show: http://momtv.com/ProactiveParenting.html
    I don’t know where my profile is or where the 1 minute video of me will appear. See you there.

  24. No time to read the other posts. I want to tackle this from another angle.First let me say that nursing two is a heroic thing to do, congratulations on your strength. I have no fast and hard research about whether or not this affects the sibling relationship. I can say it may or may not, I think boundaries are the best way to handle it until you wean.
    Stephanie in PR at 7:06: I LOVE the idea of count to ten. It feels like a perfect boundary for a 2 yr old to me. It says, “you can have this, and isn’t playing more fun.” It doesn’t create resentment toward baby; it empowers the 2.5 to be the bigger one without anything being taken away.
    Here’s what I want to address. The resentment, the internal need to stop the breastfeeding of the older one is your body, mind and spirit sending you a message about YOUR needs. It’s your mommy sense in full swing; it’s what’s true for you no matter what the books or others say. Honor your mommy sense in whatever way you want to, but don’t ignore it.
    When a mom ignores her mommy sense she’s swallowing her feelings. Those feelings have to go somewhere. Most of the time they lay there quietly until more are pilled on top of them and then we blow. When you add hormones and postpartum to the situation you can imagine that this won’t take too long.
    The honoring of your feelings is hard especially when the feelings don’t match up with the dream, wish and desire you had before the new baby arrived to nurse both of your children. You must feel conflicted between what you dreamed would happen and the feelings you’re having now that it is happening.
    To help YOU and get you back to balance, look into the conflicted feelings and decide what’s true for YOU and what YOU really want. Once those feelings are honored clarity will show up and you’ll have the all the strength and courage to do what YOU want to do, not what others think you should do.
    If you decide to nurse both, I would institute the count to ten method and I believe this will naturally begin the weaning process. Doing it this way becomes the best of both worlds. You recognize that you’re weaning, so you have less frustration and resentment. Your son gets to wean naturally and without resentment too. There’s no “it’s happening today and that’s the way it goes” type of method. I believe using that type of policy *could* begin sibling rivalry; it all depends on YOUR child.
    The last point I want to bring up is that mothering is an instinctual process; it comes from your heart and reads the unseen and unheard parts of raising a child, that’s your intuition at work.
    This is something that develops as time goes by. We’ve all had the experience of waking a few seconds before the baby does and wondering why we’re awake and then we hear the child, that’s mommy sense at work. You’ll need to be comfortable using your intuition and be able to trust it as your children grows. It will tell you when it’s time to institute a boundary. It will tell you when your child is sick. It will tell you when to draw the emotional line with them when they’re having a “fit”. Honoring YOUR feelings is how this is accomplished. If you don’t honor YOUR feelings you’ll begin to feel conflicted about what to do and when to implement things in the future.
    Congratulations on the new baby. And please do what YOUR heart tells YOU to do.
    I have a bit of news. I now have my own “TV” show on MomTV, a new online resource for moms. If you want to hear more from me and be able to ask me questions directly join me every Wednesday beginning June 24th at 10 am PST at MomTV.com. My 1-minute video to introduce the concept and myself will be up by this Friday. This is the URL for the show: http://momtv.com/ProactiveParenting.html
    I don’t know where my profile is or where the 1 minute video of me will appear. See you there.

  25. I have nothing on tandem nursing- I weaned Pumpkin when she was 23 months and I was 2 months pregnant. I couldn’t handle the increase in nausea that came with nursing, and I just felt it was time for us to quit. I have two observations that may or may not be useful, though:1. The “jumping out of your skin” feeling may be partially linked to hormones. I used to get that feeling when nursing during my period. It was weird, and I hated it, but after the first couple of months, at least I knew it was temporary!
    2. When I weaned Pumpkin, I first tried the usual “send Daddy in ” trick, and that did not work at all for us. For us, it worked better if I went in and just said no. Pumpkin would cry a little bit, but then she’d snuggle in and be OK. It was like she needed to know that even without the nursing, she could still have mommy. I wonder if your older child could use some non-nursing mommy time to replace some of the nursing?
    Good luck, and be kind to yourself on this, whatever you decide to do!

  26. I have nothing on tandem nursing- I weaned Pumpkin when she was 23 months and I was 2 months pregnant. I couldn’t handle the increase in nausea that came with nursing, and I just felt it was time for us to quit. I have two observations that may or may not be useful, though:1. The “jumping out of your skin” feeling may be partially linked to hormones. I used to get that feeling when nursing during my period. It was weird, and I hated it, but after the first couple of months, at least I knew it was temporary!
    2. When I weaned Pumpkin, I first tried the usual “send Daddy in ” trick, and that did not work at all for us. For us, it worked better if I went in and just said no. Pumpkin would cry a little bit, but then she’d snuggle in and be OK. It was like she needed to know that even without the nursing, she could still have mommy. I wonder if your older child could use some non-nursing mommy time to replace some of the nursing?
    Good luck, and be kind to yourself on this, whatever you decide to do!

  27. I’m trying for a another baby and my 21 month old is mostly down to morning, nap and bedtime nursings. I have to say, that this post absolutely describes my fears if I’m lucky enough to fall pregnant again and I don’t wean her before the birth. I really do want to wean but each nursing session seems so important to her. I don’t think I have it in me to force the issue. She seems to really need those sessions and looks forward to them.I’m going to try the book idea and the suggestion that she is a big girl now and nursing is for little babies. I also thought that I would try chocolate milk in the morning and pre breakfast painting sessions to keep her mind off The Boob!!
    I hate the way I sometimes feel, almost anxious, when we snuggle together in the middle of the day…just in case she asks and I have to say no and she gets upset! It’s a horrible feeling that I think may make me think twice about nursing any subsequent babies past a year.

  28. I’m trying for a another baby and my 21 month old is mostly down to morning, nap and bedtime nursings. I have to say, that this post absolutely describes my fears if I’m lucky enough to fall pregnant again and I don’t wean her before the birth. I really do want to wean but each nursing session seems so important to her. I don’t think I have it in me to force the issue. She seems to really need those sessions and looks forward to them.I’m going to try the book idea and the suggestion that she is a big girl now and nursing is for little babies. I also thought that I would try chocolate milk in the morning and pre breakfast painting sessions to keep her mind off The Boob!!
    I hate the way I sometimes feel, almost anxious, when we snuggle together in the middle of the day…just in case she asks and I have to say no and she gets upset! It’s a horrible feeling that I think may make me think twice about nursing any subsequent babies past a year.

  29. @Kate & @Tina, what beautiful stories. It sounds like you guys really worked on mutually satisfying nursing relationships with everyone. Nicely done. A joy to read.@Amy, it sounds like maybe you had an off-putting experience with LLL. That’s frustrating to hear because I know LLL has a lot of information to help with tandem-ing and weaning at any stage. I’m working on becoming an LLL Accredited Leader and I’ve studied things the organization has published on this very topic. It sounds like maybe the group you hooked up with was on the militant side when you are feeling more moderate. That’s so disappointing to me — I’m sure it must have been for you, too. Weaning is a legitimate and honorable step in the nursing relationship and a conscientious LLL Leader will help a nursing mother through it, even if their opinions of weather or not it should be happening at that time do not line up.
    So of course, @Lisa, I’m also going to recommend hooking up with an LLL Toddler Meeting if you can find one. Even if your local Group does not hold Toddler Meetings, often nearby Groups in a larger urban area may do so. And naturally, ‘Adventures in Tandem Nursing’ is a great resource if you are not going to choose to wean at this time.

  30. @Kate & @Tina, what beautiful stories. It sounds like you guys really worked on mutually satisfying nursing relationships with everyone. Nicely done. A joy to read.@Amy, it sounds like maybe you had an off-putting experience with LLL. That’s frustrating to hear because I know LLL has a lot of information to help with tandem-ing and weaning at any stage. I’m working on becoming an LLL Accredited Leader and I’ve studied things the organization has published on this very topic. It sounds like maybe the group you hooked up with was on the militant side when you are feeling more moderate. That’s so disappointing to me — I’m sure it must have been for you, too. Weaning is a legitimate and honorable step in the nursing relationship and a conscientious LLL Leader will help a nursing mother through it, even if their opinions of weather or not it should be happening at that time do not line up.
    So of course, @Lisa, I’m also going to recommend hooking up with an LLL Toddler Meeting if you can find one. Even if your local Group does not hold Toddler Meetings, often nearby Groups in a larger urban area may do so. And naturally, ‘Adventures in Tandem Nursing’ is a great resource if you are not going to choose to wean at this time.

  31. @anon- I got pregnant when Pumpkin was 21 months old, and she was very much needing to nurse. She was down to 3-4 nursing sessions a day, but anytime I tried to take one away, she’d just add another one at a different time. I gave up, and wondered if I’d end up tandem nursing. But then the nausea got too bad, and I decided to try again, and it went very differently. I weaned her at 23 months with very little fuss.So you may have no problem at all- if you’re ready to wean, you may just need to wait until your daughter is a little less needy. I remember 21 months as a very needy time- she just needed more of ME in so many ways. At 23 months, she wasn’t like that. Now, at 26 months, she’s in another needy phase, but that’s another story.

  32. @anon- I got pregnant when Pumpkin was 21 months old, and she was very much needing to nurse. She was down to 3-4 nursing sessions a day, but anytime I tried to take one away, she’d just add another one at a different time. I gave up, and wondered if I’d end up tandem nursing. But then the nausea got too bad, and I decided to try again, and it went very differently. I weaned her at 23 months with very little fuss.So you may have no problem at all- if you’re ready to wean, you may just need to wait until your daughter is a little less needy. I remember 21 months as a very needy time- she just needed more of ME in so many ways. At 23 months, she wasn’t like that. Now, at 26 months, she’s in another needy phase, but that’s another story.

  33. I just wanted to second (third? more?) the recommendation from hedra, above, about reading Siblings Without Rivalry to help deal both with worries about and the actuality of raising siblings without, well, rivalry. (Sorry to be redundant there.) It’s been beyond helpful here–I’ve got a 5.5-yr-old and a 3-yr-old.I never tandem-nursed, but I have a possibly highly devalued two cents to offer more generally. Everyone probably already knows this, but it was enlightening and comforting to me: When Younger was born and we had to curtail an activity or something for Older, we always explained it as a behaviour we expected of Older, not “because of” Younger. For instance, “Don’t shout because it is quiet time now,” rather than “Don’t shout because Younger is sleeping.” It helps keep the focus and the blame on us and not on the sibling. Of course, I’ve only got a sample of two, so who knows? (Sometimes I feel like the guy in that Steve Martin movie who thinks flushing the toilet makes the phone ring. I like to see cause and effect, but I suspect I imagine most of it.)

  34. I just wanted to second (third? more?) the recommendation from hedra, above, about reading Siblings Without Rivalry to help deal both with worries about and the actuality of raising siblings without, well, rivalry. (Sorry to be redundant there.) It’s been beyond helpful here–I’ve got a 5.5-yr-old and a 3-yr-old.I never tandem-nursed, but I have a possibly highly devalued two cents to offer more generally. Everyone probably already knows this, but it was enlightening and comforting to me: When Younger was born and we had to curtail an activity or something for Older, we always explained it as a behaviour we expected of Older, not “because of” Younger. For instance, “Don’t shout because it is quiet time now,” rather than “Don’t shout because Younger is sleeping.” It helps keep the focus and the blame on us and not on the sibling. Of course, I’ve only got a sample of two, so who knows? (Sometimes I feel like the guy in that Steve Martin movie who thinks flushing the toilet makes the phone ring. I like to see cause and effect, but I suspect I imagine most of it.)

  35. My first few months of tandem-nursing were just about the most miserable thing I have ever done as a mother. There were a lot of contributing factors besides the tandem-nursing, but it was a big one. I am currently tandem-nursing for the fourth time, so obviously it got better. :-)One of the most helpful things I took from Norma Jane Bumgarner’s book was the advice to make your peace with nursing or weaning. While I was waffling about whether I wanted to wean or stick with it, I think my son picked up on my ambivalence and clung tighter to nursing than he might have if I had been resolute about weaning. Not that I needed to make any long-term decisions like “I’m nursing until he’s five!” — but it might have helped to say to myself, “I’m going to keep nursing for another two weeks, and then I’ll see how it’s working.”
    With my oldest son, I hit on a combination of limits and that worked for us. Like you, I told him he could only nurse at certain times of the day. At those times, as long as he was minding his nursing manners (i.e., no gymnastics and quiet hands) he could nurse as long as he wanted. I chose times when the baby was sleeping and so whenever the toddler nursed I would immerse myself in a book. It distracted me from the antsy feeling, gave me a welcome chance to read without interruptions, and gave him a feeling of control. The kitchen was only open at certain hours, but the buffet was all-you-can-eat, so to speak.
    I wish I had known at the outset to complain carefully. If you let them, people will rush in to tell you that you are frustrated because of this crazy nursing thing when in fact you are frustrated (or at least I was frustrated) because you are doing a really difficult job for someone who is unlikely to say, “Wow, Mom, I really appreciate your patience and generosity with me.” If I had weaned my son I would have had to find different strategies for meeting the needs that nursing filled, most of which would not have allowed me to read Thackeray at the same time. I think my first tandem-nursing relationship was the most difficult because that relationship has always been (and continues to be) the one that stretches me most. So count me as one more voice in support of LLL — almost ten years later I still feel grateful to an LLL pal who was also tandem-nursing and understood both my frustrations and my motivation to continue.

  36. My first few months of tandem-nursing were just about the most miserable thing I have ever done as a mother. There were a lot of contributing factors besides the tandem-nursing, but it was a big one. I am currently tandem-nursing for the fourth time, so obviously it got better. :-)One of the most helpful things I took from Norma Jane Bumgarner’s book was the advice to make your peace with nursing or weaning. While I was waffling about whether I wanted to wean or stick with it, I think my son picked up on my ambivalence and clung tighter to nursing than he might have if I had been resolute about weaning. Not that I needed to make any long-term decisions like “I’m nursing until he’s five!” — but it might have helped to say to myself, “I’m going to keep nursing for another two weeks, and then I’ll see how it’s working.”
    With my oldest son, I hit on a combination of limits and that worked for us. Like you, I told him he could only nurse at certain times of the day. At those times, as long as he was minding his nursing manners (i.e., no gymnastics and quiet hands) he could nurse as long as he wanted. I chose times when the baby was sleeping and so whenever the toddler nursed I would immerse myself in a book. It distracted me from the antsy feeling, gave me a welcome chance to read without interruptions, and gave him a feeling of control. The kitchen was only open at certain hours, but the buffet was all-you-can-eat, so to speak.
    I wish I had known at the outset to complain carefully. If you let them, people will rush in to tell you that you are frustrated because of this crazy nursing thing when in fact you are frustrated (or at least I was frustrated) because you are doing a really difficult job for someone who is unlikely to say, “Wow, Mom, I really appreciate your patience and generosity with me.” If I had weaned my son I would have had to find different strategies for meeting the needs that nursing filled, most of which would not have allowed me to read Thackeray at the same time. I think my first tandem-nursing relationship was the most difficult because that relationship has always been (and continues to be) the one that stretches me most. So count me as one more voice in support of LLL — almost ten years later I still feel grateful to an LLL pal who was also tandem-nursing and understood both my frustrations and my motivation to continue.

  37. I’ve been tandem nursing my 2 1/2 year old since her baby brother arrived 10 months ago. I have been very fortunate to have had a very good go of it (after surviving the first month or two which were just plain hard hard hard).Initially I set 3/day boundaries on the toddler’s nursing (because I was losing my mind). Currently, she only nurses once/day (before her nap). I can put her to bed at night w/o nursing… though she always asks, “Do you have more milk in your boobs?!” And I say that I’ll have more milk for her the next day and bust out the almond milk 🙂
    I would be happy to continue this way until the little one weans, but I’m getting pressure to cut to cord and wean the toddler. I feel pretty confident that she’ll be fine when I do end the last nursing session, but I’ve been thinking about waiting until we get through the 2 1/2 year old stage. I’ve also been thinking about waiting until we’re at the point when the little one only nurses a few times/day so it isn’t in her face all the time… though I think this is more for me than her.
    I’ve finally realized that when it comes to nursing/weaning (and just about everything else), it isn’t so much what you do but how you do it. Unfortunately, the “how” is so individual and it takes knowing yourself and your babies.
    No matter what you do, be kind to yourself… and I wish you the best of luck!!

  38. I’ve been tandem nursing my 2 1/2 year old since her baby brother arrived 10 months ago. I have been very fortunate to have had a very good go of it (after surviving the first month or two which were just plain hard hard hard).Initially I set 3/day boundaries on the toddler’s nursing (because I was losing my mind). Currently, she only nurses once/day (before her nap). I can put her to bed at night w/o nursing… though she always asks, “Do you have more milk in your boobs?!” And I say that I’ll have more milk for her the next day and bust out the almond milk 🙂
    I would be happy to continue this way until the little one weans, but I’m getting pressure to cut to cord and wean the toddler. I feel pretty confident that she’ll be fine when I do end the last nursing session, but I’ve been thinking about waiting until we get through the 2 1/2 year old stage. I’ve also been thinking about waiting until we’re at the point when the little one only nurses a few times/day so it isn’t in her face all the time… though I think this is more for me than her.
    I’ve finally realized that when it comes to nursing/weaning (and just about everything else), it isn’t so much what you do but how you do it. Unfortunately, the “how” is so individual and it takes knowing yourself and your babies.
    No matter what you do, be kind to yourself… and I wish you the best of luck!!

  39. @jamie: “I wish I had known at the outset to complain carefully.” that statement and reasoning describe so many of my parenting decisions. I will tuck your comment into my heart & pull it out when i’m doubting myself. Thank you!

  40. @jamie: “I wish I had known at the outset to complain carefully.” that statement and reasoning describe so many of my parenting decisions. I will tuck your comment into my heart & pull it out when i’m doubting myself. Thank you!

  41. These are incredible. Thank you all so much.I think I’m going to hire a babysitter for 3 hours just so I can read and digest these in a more focused way; right now I’m just feeling them and crying.
    I love this place.
    Lisa (of the original post)

  42. These are incredible. Thank you all so much.I think I’m going to hire a babysitter for 3 hours just so I can read and digest these in a more focused way; right now I’m just feeling them and crying.
    I love this place.
    Lisa (of the original post)

  43. @Amy, I asked around and was told that my local LLL was NOT the place to go if you were a) interestedin weaning methods, or b) a working mom. Instead, it was recommended that I look into Nursing Mothers, Inc. – Which I then didn’t bother with, either. But it was useful to know that a) groups vary, and b) there are other resources than LLL for breastfeeding!My main resources ended up being other moms I knew, plus an online group. Knowing that it is crawl-out-of-skin time any time there is a fussy stage, and that weaning is MUCH easier in the easy stages between fussy/disregulated stages was highly useful.
    I will definitely second Sharon’s advice to find out where you stand, yourself – what you need, what you want, what will feel right for you. There may be many needs under there that are not being met. There also may be an interpretation of what the constant demands MEAN – the feeling that I didn’t count, that my kids would take all of me and never notice that it was killing me – yeah, that needed to be addressed. When I could separate the problem into what was on my side of the line (what I need, want, deserve) and their side of the line (what they need, want, and deserve), I could usually navigate to a solution. Often, I could just release my hold on a mistaken interpretation, too. Just reminding myself of how desperately I needed reassurance and contact at age X or Y (since I can remember being in disregulated stages quite clearly) was often enough to bring me to empathy – though I still needed to make a way for me to get my needs met, too.
    Enlisting epeepunk for help getting those needs met was part of it, too. It was always very helpful for him to provide the gratitude that my kids were not cognitively able to express.
    @Jamie, I love the clarity of that ‘complain carefully’ statement. YES. Even people who trusted my choices would get trapped by their own expectation that ‘complain = need for someone else to solve the problem for me’ instead of ‘complain = vent’. My mom, in particular, was always stuck when it came to complaints – she just wanted to make it better so I wasn’t uncomfortable, tired, or overloaded, and her answer was usually ‘well, take the kid out of the equation’ – sometimes that was a useful answer (like, ‘hey, how about I take the kids for a few hours, and you get something done that you want to work on’), and sometimes not (‘don’t you think it is time you weaned them?’… uh, no, I don’t, or I’d have just said that.)… Complaining carefully also means framing it so they know what you need from the conversation.

  44. @Amy, I asked around and was told that my local LLL was NOT the place to go if you were a) interestedin weaning methods, or b) a working mom. Instead, it was recommended that I look into Nursing Mothers, Inc. – Which I then didn’t bother with, either. But it was useful to know that a) groups vary, and b) there are other resources than LLL for breastfeeding!My main resources ended up being other moms I knew, plus an online group. Knowing that it is crawl-out-of-skin time any time there is a fussy stage, and that weaning is MUCH easier in the easy stages between fussy/disregulated stages was highly useful.
    I will definitely second Sharon’s advice to find out where you stand, yourself – what you need, what you want, what will feel right for you. There may be many needs under there that are not being met. There also may be an interpretation of what the constant demands MEAN – the feeling that I didn’t count, that my kids would take all of me and never notice that it was killing me – yeah, that needed to be addressed. When I could separate the problem into what was on my side of the line (what I need, want, deserve) and their side of the line (what they need, want, and deserve), I could usually navigate to a solution. Often, I could just release my hold on a mistaken interpretation, too. Just reminding myself of how desperately I needed reassurance and contact at age X or Y (since I can remember being in disregulated stages quite clearly) was often enough to bring me to empathy – though I still needed to make a way for me to get my needs met, too.
    Enlisting epeepunk for help getting those needs met was part of it, too. It was always very helpful for him to provide the gratitude that my kids were not cognitively able to express.
    @Jamie, I love the clarity of that ‘complain carefully’ statement. YES. Even people who trusted my choices would get trapped by their own expectation that ‘complain = need for someone else to solve the problem for me’ instead of ‘complain = vent’. My mom, in particular, was always stuck when it came to complaints – she just wanted to make it better so I wasn’t uncomfortable, tired, or overloaded, and her answer was usually ‘well, take the kid out of the equation’ – sometimes that was a useful answer (like, ‘hey, how about I take the kids for a few hours, and you get something done that you want to work on’), and sometimes not (‘don’t you think it is time you weaned them?’… uh, no, I don’t, or I’d have just said that.)… Complaining carefully also means framing it so they know what you need from the conversation.

  45. Thank you to EVERYONE! I am due in 1 week, and the sensitivity and pain didn’t stop after the first trimester, as I was promised. THey promised it would end!! Argh!!!And no matter how much pain I am in, cry out, etc The Boy is in love with the boobies. (he’s barely 2) I thought at least he would respond to the pain cues with some alarm or something as he’s so sensitive to my emotions and mood. But no.
    So here I am, as planned, heading into tandem-nursing-land, with barely one raw nerve left to rely on.
    We already do the 2 minutes during the day (per side–he will NOT nurse just one side), and 4 – 5 minutes at night. The good news is he seems to have a new internal clock and knows exactly how long those times are, popping off right when they end, w/o help. This helps with the 5 minute warning before leaving the park/bath/yard etc. The bad news is, he knows he can ask to nurse again just 2 minutes later, and so far, it doesn’t work to say “but you just nursed! remember?” Distraction doesnt’ work either. So he’s still nursing about 8 times per day. I just realized maybe I’m encouraging it by nursing him every time he has any little fall etc–I think it also makes him whine a lot, just so he can come nurse. (Where do they learn that intolerable whining noise? Like fingernails on a chalkboard. . .)
    No idea how I’m going to cope with the new LO–I hope I get the great rushes of oxytocin that made nursing such a fun time with DS for the first 15 months.
    And I hope the soreness of the nipples doesn’t continue. I’ll feel terrible if I just despise nursing #2, b/c I’m nursed out by #1 already. Augh.
    My new motto about the arrival of the sibling: I Hope To Cope!
    Thanks again to all–I’ll revisit your posts when the time comes.

  46. Thank you to EVERYONE! I am due in 1 week, and the sensitivity and pain didn’t stop after the first trimester, as I was promised. THey promised it would end!! Argh!!!And no matter how much pain I am in, cry out, etc The Boy is in love with the boobies. (he’s barely 2) I thought at least he would respond to the pain cues with some alarm or something as he’s so sensitive to my emotions and mood. But no.
    So here I am, as planned, heading into tandem-nursing-land, with barely one raw nerve left to rely on.
    We already do the 2 minutes during the day (per side–he will NOT nurse just one side), and 4 – 5 minutes at night. The good news is he seems to have a new internal clock and knows exactly how long those times are, popping off right when they end, w/o help. This helps with the 5 minute warning before leaving the park/bath/yard etc. The bad news is, he knows he can ask to nurse again just 2 minutes later, and so far, it doesn’t work to say “but you just nursed! remember?” Distraction doesnt’ work either. So he’s still nursing about 8 times per day. I just realized maybe I’m encouraging it by nursing him every time he has any little fall etc–I think it also makes him whine a lot, just so he can come nurse. (Where do they learn that intolerable whining noise? Like fingernails on a chalkboard. . .)
    No idea how I’m going to cope with the new LO–I hope I get the great rushes of oxytocin that made nursing such a fun time with DS for the first 15 months.
    And I hope the soreness of the nipples doesn’t continue. I’ll feel terrible if I just despise nursing #2, b/c I’m nursed out by #1 already. Augh.
    My new motto about the arrival of the sibling: I Hope To Cope!
    Thanks again to all–I’ll revisit your posts when the time comes.

  47. Only here for a little moral support. My daughter is THREE and a half and still nursing. Actually she will be 3 1/2 when the baby arrives in August. We have nursed through pregnancy (holy painful nipples, batman!!!) and I was hoping (a/k/a being naive) that she would self-wean before the baby arrived.Well … it started looking good. We were down to just a few minutes before bed time (100% of the time) and then a few minutes in the morning (50% of the time) and not even a request to nurse any other time! Woo-hoo! I thought.
    Well, the colostrum is in and, apparently, it is good. She wants to nurse a LOT now. How I am going to nurse her and a baby I have no clue … but … things tend to work themselves out.
    I also second the recommendation for “Adventures in Tandem Nursing.”
    Sending you good thoughts and strength … nancy

  48. Only here for a little moral support. My daughter is THREE and a half and still nursing. Actually she will be 3 1/2 when the baby arrives in August. We have nursed through pregnancy (holy painful nipples, batman!!!) and I was hoping (a/k/a being naive) that she would self-wean before the baby arrived.Well … it started looking good. We were down to just a few minutes before bed time (100% of the time) and then a few minutes in the morning (50% of the time) and not even a request to nurse any other time! Woo-hoo! I thought.
    Well, the colostrum is in and, apparently, it is good. She wants to nurse a LOT now. How I am going to nurse her and a baby I have no clue … but … things tend to work themselves out.
    I also second the recommendation for “Adventures in Tandem Nursing.”
    Sending you good thoughts and strength … nancy

  49. The salary beetewn the two won’t matter in the beginning. It IS worth getting the extra education for the BSN in the end as you progress through your career though. I have worked in healthcare (RN) staffing for over 15 years and I promise that many of my clients require a minimum of a BSN for any type of leadership position. Although many ADNs have advanced, that is not the future of nursing and many I know have now been going on for the MSN. The BSN opens many more doors for you in the future and can help you fast track through jobs better than an ADN.

  50. The salary beetewn the two won’t matter in the beginning. It IS worth getting the extra education for the BSN in the end as you progress through your career though. I have worked in healthcare (RN) staffing for over 15 years and I promise that many of my clients require a minimum of a BSN for any type of leadership position. Although many ADNs have advanced, that is not the future of nursing and many I know have now been going on for the MSN. The BSN opens many more doors for you in the future and can help you fast track through jobs better than an ADN.

  51. I’m really glad for you to share this ecenripexe. This is the first article I came across regarding wean from pumping. The articles on the net are mostly wean from breast, and I yet come across article regarding wean from pump. Boy that a relief.I am in the dilemma of when to wean Ig from pump (am pumping exclusively) since he was reaching 1 year old. Now he is almost 14 months old. Although I still pumped 4 times a day with 2 times in the office, I’m starts to get impatient, as you mentioned, the supply dropping and not as much to pump anymore, added I’m using manual pump at office.I’m pumping since the day Ig is born. So whether I admit it or not, I kinda use to pumping. It’s troublesome of course but I can’t help but want to keep pump, knowing that more EBM for Ig definitely will be a plus for him . ..

  52. I’m really glad for you to share this ecenripexe. This is the first article I came across regarding wean from pumping. The articles on the net are mostly wean from breast, and I yet come across article regarding wean from pump. Boy that a relief.I am in the dilemma of when to wean Ig from pump (am pumping exclusively) since he was reaching 1 year old. Now he is almost 14 months old. Although I still pumped 4 times a day with 2 times in the office, I’m starts to get impatient, as you mentioned, the supply dropping and not as much to pump anymore, added I’m using manual pump at office.I’m pumping since the day Ig is born. So whether I admit it or not, I kinda use to pumping. It’s troublesome of course but I can’t help but want to keep pump, knowing that more EBM for Ig definitely will be a plus for him . ..

  53. You did such a great job! The cake and cookies came out great! And Miss Izzy lkoeod like she had a great time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY and GOOD JOB Mama!Candace (NYStateofMom) recently posted..

  54. You did such a great job! The cake and cookies came out great! And Miss Izzy lkoeod like she had a great time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY and GOOD JOB Mama!Candace (NYStateofMom) recently posted..

  55. HM is one of the best jobs for travel. Every unit is aensgisd at least one Corpsman, and every Navy instillation has a medical department of some sort. I would say, as a former Corpsman, that HM is the best job in the Navy, and has the best travel opportunities for out of any branch. The only jobs that would provide more travel are special operations, which is not available for women.In six years I went to the following places on official orders:Great Lakes, ilSan Diego, CALas Vegas, NVGuamTokyo JapanMisawa, JapanOkinowaPalauYokoto, JapanOsan, S. KoreaPaddaya, ThialandSadahepe, ThialandChuukThis was without ever being on a ship, and not counting vacations.

  56. HM is one of the best jobs for travel. Every unit is aensgisd at least one Corpsman, and every Navy instillation has a medical department of some sort. I would say, as a former Corpsman, that HM is the best job in the Navy, and has the best travel opportunities for out of any branch. The only jobs that would provide more travel are special operations, which is not available for women.In six years I went to the following places on official orders:Great Lakes, ilSan Diego, CALas Vegas, NVGuamTokyo JapanMisawa, JapanOkinowaPalauYokoto, JapanOsan, S. KoreaPaddaya, ThialandSadahepe, ThialandChuukThis was without ever being on a ship, and not counting vacations.

  57. I have an 18 month old and he’s adamant about basret milk. This is my second boy and he’s totally different from my first. I weaned my first son at 7 months and it was very easy, but my second one is very stubborn. I hope and pray that these tips are effective.

  58. I have an 18 month old and he’s adamant about basret milk. This is my second boy and he’s totally different from my first. I weaned my first son at 7 months and it was very easy, but my second one is very stubborn. I hope and pray that these tips are effective.

  59. Reading this made me realise snotehimg I reuse fruit shoot bottles, I keep my sisters, Cams etc wash them out and use again with juice or milk etc. But what must it look like to see Lexi drinking from one to other people that dont know Although she is 9 months not 5 I still wouldnt gfive her a fruitshoot tho lol x

  60. Reading this made me realise snotehimg I reuse fruit shoot bottles, I keep my sisters, Cams etc wash them out and use again with juice or milk etc. But what must it look like to see Lexi drinking from one to other people that dont know Although she is 9 months not 5 I still wouldnt gfive her a fruitshoot tho lol x

  61. everyone looked surprised, they thought Cheap Air Jordans Man spotted belly 100,000 troops on the mountain, want to get 100,000 troops to achieve this goal, in the chaotic? Li a place on the planet, but, Wang Cheap Air Jordans ‘s require large out they were expecting. Cheap Air Jordans secretly smile, in fact, anxious to get these thousands of troops, and determined to win, but, with their understanding of the nature of some difference in terminology, in the final analysis, all aimed , requires that they willingly, not under the agreement in force. the crowd because Cheap Air Jordans does not show the strength of the people immediately believe the contrary, their eyes reveal the suspect is not difficult to imagine that there is not that a slave state, but the entire ? Li planet, nor is it an era, but for generations to come, because they experienced the pain of being a slave, the heart is extremely annoying that they are slaves, hate what they become slaves and aristocrats, like the wild days Sen positions so that the liberation of slaves in the Mountain Man belly is already very great, but they never thought to liberate all the slaves, Heaven has hundreds of thousands of troops were able to use Belly Man into fierce mountain terrain to reach the dragon the two countries do nothing, but he would not dare to attack a nearby town, and their shortage of troops, not to mention a country, of course, the whole? Li slaves on the planet that is more impossible, and would like to have not thought about. Cheap Air Jordans said management is now the world’s slaves, they understand what it means, that is, all countries with the world and against the nobility, on their belly Mountain Man this force, attack a town is hard, even as the capture of a town but also how, can be indifferent watching those noble slaves occupied the city, looked at them helplessly, of course, impossible, would discredit, this is all noble things, not that a state of things. easing their stress, wild days of storage Sen said: impressive, however

  62. everyone looked surprised, they thought Cheap Air Jordans Man spotted belly 100,000 troops on the mountain, want to get 100,000 troops to achieve this goal, in the chaotic? Li a place on the planet, but, Wang Cheap Air Jordans ‘s require large out they were expecting. Cheap Air Jordans secretly smile, in fact, anxious to get these thousands of troops, and determined to win, but, with their understanding of the nature of some difference in terminology, in the final analysis, all aimed , requires that they willingly, not under the agreement in force. the crowd because Cheap Air Jordans does not show the strength of the people immediately believe the contrary, their eyes reveal the suspect is not difficult to imagine that there is not that a slave state, but the entire ? Li planet, nor is it an era, but for generations to come, because they experienced the pain of being a slave, the heart is extremely annoying that they are slaves, hate what they become slaves and aristocrats, like the wild days Sen positions so that the liberation of slaves in the Mountain Man belly is already very great, but they never thought to liberate all the slaves, Heaven has hundreds of thousands of troops were able to use Belly Man into fierce mountain terrain to reach the dragon the two countries do nothing, but he would not dare to attack a nearby town, and their shortage of troops, not to mention a country, of course, the whole? Li slaves on the planet that is more impossible, and would like to have not thought about. Cheap Air Jordans said management is now the world’s slaves, they understand what it means, that is, all countries with the world and against the nobility, on their belly Mountain Man this force, attack a town is hard, even as the capture of a town but also how, can be indifferent watching those noble slaves occupied the city, looked at them helplessly, of course, impossible, would discredit, this is all noble things, not that a state of things. easing their stress, wild days of storage Sen said: impressive, however

  63. If a school has a ninrusg program (not just the pre-reqs) it should result in a degree. If it is a bachelors, the degree will be a BSRN; if it is a community college, it will be an associates degree (ADN). THEN after graduation you are eligible to take the NCLEX exam to become a REGISTERED nurse get state licensed (either the BSRN or the ADN allow you to do this).A LPN is a totally different program from the RN one. Usually it is a 1 year vocational program. You can not get a RN from a vocational LPN program.

  64. If a school has a ninrusg program (not just the pre-reqs) it should result in a degree. If it is a bachelors, the degree will be a BSRN; if it is a community college, it will be an associates degree (ADN). THEN after graduation you are eligible to take the NCLEX exam to become a REGISTERED nurse get state licensed (either the BSRN or the ADN allow you to do this).A LPN is a totally different program from the RN one. Usually it is a 1 year vocational program. You can not get a RN from a vocational LPN program.

  65. The Malibu 2 XL paddles detlncey as a single, which not all double kayaks do.At 34 inches wide, it is a going to be very stable. The wooden kayaks I build are 22 to 24 inches wide and I go fishing and crabbing in them.61 pounds is about par for a 14-foot plastic boat. Some women would struggle getting it onto the car top by themselves. Thule and Yakima both make roller systems that allow you only lift half the boat’s wieght, even by yourself.You should figure it is a warm-water boat. I paddle my closed-deck boats past little icebergs, literally, but that’s with paddle jacket, neoprene gloves and a good spray skirt. With a sit-on-top, you must use a wet or dry suit to stay warm if it is windy or cold. Snug fitting lycra tights and tops would be a way to extend your season a bit using what you may already have in your closet.Sit-on-tops in general are very stable but not as fast as narrower boats. They can handle moderate chop and small waves, but you can’t lean them on edge and surf in them like you can with whitewater boats and some touring kayaks. You also have limited gear storage. Fine for a day trip if you lash a dry-bag behind you. But no space for overnight camping gear.Overall, it seems a good match for your uses.$739 at REI

  66. The Malibu 2 XL paddles detlncey as a single, which not all double kayaks do.At 34 inches wide, it is a going to be very stable. The wooden kayaks I build are 22 to 24 inches wide and I go fishing and crabbing in them.61 pounds is about par for a 14-foot plastic boat. Some women would struggle getting it onto the car top by themselves. Thule and Yakima both make roller systems that allow you only lift half the boat’s wieght, even by yourself.You should figure it is a warm-water boat. I paddle my closed-deck boats past little icebergs, literally, but that’s with paddle jacket, neoprene gloves and a good spray skirt. With a sit-on-top, you must use a wet or dry suit to stay warm if it is windy or cold. Snug fitting lycra tights and tops would be a way to extend your season a bit using what you may already have in your closet.Sit-on-tops in general are very stable but not as fast as narrower boats. They can handle moderate chop and small waves, but you can’t lean them on edge and surf in them like you can with whitewater boats and some touring kayaks. You also have limited gear storage. Fine for a day trip if you lash a dry-bag behind you. But no space for overnight camping gear.Overall, it seems a good match for your uses.$739 at REI

  67. Ah, yes. The search for the perefct nursing spot. I remember that well. There is a lot to consider. I always wanted a quiet, out of the way place, both for my own comfort and so my little one was not distracted.I actually found that some designated Mommy rooms were not at all comfortable. Case in point – Babies R Us. They had a Mother’s room, but it has these terrible hard plastic couches and extremely harsh lighting. I preferred to find a nursery model and use one of the gliders. I’d turn it so it was facing the “wall” of the display, and position my shopping cart so it blocked us. Was almost like being at home. 😉

  68. Ah, yes. The search for the perefct nursing spot. I remember that well. There is a lot to consider. I always wanted a quiet, out of the way place, both for my own comfort and so my little one was not distracted.I actually found that some designated Mommy rooms were not at all comfortable. Case in point – Babies R Us. They had a Mother’s room, but it has these terrible hard plastic couches and extremely harsh lighting. I preferred to find a nursery model and use one of the gliders. I’d turn it so it was facing the “wall” of the display, and position my shopping cart so it blocked us. Was almost like being at home. 😉

  69. Because so many people delfuat on their student loans, the government is very hesitant to give them out to people declaring bankruptcy. Bankruptcy is a legal way of delfuating on your loans to get out of paying them. I’m surprised you got a car loan, but I bet your interest rate is much higher than someone who didn’t claim bankruptcy.

  70. Because so many people delfuat on their student loans, the government is very hesitant to give them out to people declaring bankruptcy. Bankruptcy is a legal way of delfuating on your loans to get out of paying them. I’m surprised you got a car loan, but I bet your interest rate is much higher than someone who didn’t claim bankruptcy.

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