Send help–my older son is turning 7

I'm not dead! Just having all kinds of crazy good things happen, some annoying things, and a whole lotta not near the internet.

I need help with the 7-year-old thing. I know this isn't so exciting for those of you in the baby stage, except that we already figured out that all of this is connected: 4 months, 8-9 months, 18 months, 3.5 years, 7 years, 14 years, etc. (I know my 35th year has been a doozy, personally. And 28 frankly sucked.)

But here I am with one kid still in the throes of 3 /2, and the other one closing in on 7. I feel like I'm in the middle of a big "Mom I hate you!" Sandwich. Sulking, bad attitude, resistance to any plan no matter how much fun, constant fighting with his brother, and just being someone no one wants to be around.

It's demoralizing. I know it's going to end at some point. The younger one will grow out of his phase, and then eventually the older one will grow out of his phase. But when? Anyone with older kids, how long does the 7-year-old phase last? Months? A year? Until I just can't take it anymore?

And remind me of some of the coping techniques we used for younger kids to breathe through it, please.

62 thoughts on “Send help–my older son is turning 7”

  1. Yay! Moxie’s back! Hope the “not near the internet” time was fun, we should all probably do that more.All I can do is encourage. I have a 7yr old nephew, and was just hearing from my mom today about how much he’s matured during the break from school. They were dealing with a lot of “I hate you!” type stuff (actually, he wrote a letter stating that mommy, grandma and grandpa were all on the “nody” [naughty] list. hee hee) and while it doesn’t magically disappear, it will get better (for him, about 2-3 months). It seems like when kids get this age they start to get that there’s a big world going on around them, and they’re trying to figure out where they fit in WHILE dealing with the fact that it doesn’t revolve around them. That’s gotta be mind-blowing.
    Hang in there…

  2. No help whatsoever, but clearly you’re not alone if the Your Seven Year Old subtitle is “Life in a Minor Key.”The seven year old I drive to school (her 4 yo brother is the real carpool-mate) seems to be growing out of the enormous chip she appeared to have on her shoulder from September to November. (May birthday) But boy, just watching her mom AND babysitter (mom works, babysitter–for 2yo brother– comes at 8, carpool leaves at 8:10) trying to get her out the door (appropriate coat, appropriate shoes, hair brushed, etc.) makes me fear for that age. Everything with a side of extra sulk.
    Courage, Moxie.

  3. I have no advice but did immediately think that Hedra had written something about social and emotional brains and 7 year olds. My son is only 3 now (and goodness how delicious the last few weeks have been, I think that 3 years and 7 weeks rocks….we are bracing for a renewal of the side we had a brief glimpse of just after he turned 3).I hadn’t thought that the 7 thing went on forever…oy. I hadn’t planned on dealing with me issues at 42!
    Hang on…!

  4. And here I was going to redirect you to my 7-is-not-my-favorite-year post. I see I don’t need to…Still, additional sympathy anyway. Seven is different with Mr B, and frankly not quite as bad as it was with Mr G – at least not bad in the same ways. On the other hand, I’m pretty much losing it on Mr B daily, so it isn’t exactly roses.
    Currently, Mr B is all attitude and helplessness, simultaneously. He can’t get dressed by himself (shades of when he was 3 1/2, and ‘needed help’ putting on every item of clothing), he needs someone to stay with him every moment (not out of anxiety, but because he dislikes being lonely – and I can sympathize, but I also have to get dressed, get fed, get out the door in the morning… AHHHH!).
    The best part of 7 has been standing with just him at the bus stop most mornings. He’s silly, he’s funny, he wants so bad to relate that he relates non-stop. It is fun.
    And then there’s the entire rest of the day.
    Sigh.
    Eight rocks, by the way. Eight is a long way from now. It took Mr G about a year to go through the 7 thing. I’m not hopeful about it taking less with Mr B.
    Best advice (for me, too) is to step back and not take it personally – they really cannot help it. It’s entirely in the brain wiring. Recognizing how hard it is on them, how confusing the world becomes when you can’t reach into your head for your automatic coping mechanism and find… ANYTHING of use… pretty sucky. Makes me think about what it is like to get old, in a way – loss of access to automatic functions everywhere. Stressful, disturbing, frustrating.
    And hence I’m stressed, disturbed, and frustrated. Usual rules apply – however I feel is how he’s feeling that he’s not coping with. He’s ensuring I express those feelings to help releive them from his side. Easier to be sympathetic (not easy, just ‘ier’) when I keep that in mind.
    And thanks. I really needed to write that out, for my own sake. Your timing rocks. (I’m not even going to go into the lock-jawed stare-down and subsequent lateness getting out the door plus authoritarian b*tching at the kids all the way to my mom’s house… um. Can I start today over, please?)
    Note that my blog has been, er, sparse lately, too. Whee, seven. NOT my favorite age (I think I’ve said that before)…

  5. Moxie, you’ve read How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk, right? I’m wondering if revisiting (or reading the first time, if you haven’t already) that book might help. Especially with the 7 year old.But that and a load of sympathy is all I’ve got.

  6. “All attitude and helplessness, simultaneously”Yes, yes and yes. That is a seven year old boy. Or at least the one I lived with. Who is now eight and getting much better at being human again. Seven was just a weird age for me to witness and try to parent. How is it that they know EVERYTHING but are capable of doing NOTHING by themselves except play video games and be sarcastic? On the flip side, he did want to be involved (on his terms) and he never isolated himself. He wanted us around – just would be miserable with an audience. Stepping back and disassociating him from my own issues that his frowny face, nothing doing attitude stirred up was the only way to get past it. Because it just was how he was for a while. I was late to that realization and many a struggle was had trying to convince him that the world wasn’t nearly as awful as he kept saying it was. Hopefully some of this insight will save you and others that headache. It’s a phase – it will pass. Just like I’m pretty sure younger will not still be leaving my arms and legs bruised with bite marks at seven. So there’s progress to be made at every stage. 🙂

  7. Moxie, I have to confess that your plight gave me a glimmer of happiness. Eldest is 5 1/2 and lately she is a huge pain in the posterior, if I may be frank. So much so that I’m feeling kind of depressed and sad most of the time. And also feeling like maybe what I have is a horrible, horrible little girl. So when you describe DS thusly:”Sulking, bad attitude, resistance to any plan no matter how much fun, constant fighting with his brother, and just being someone no one wants to be around.” I must admit I thought, oh my God, I’m not the only one???? {Throws up hands in despair}

  8. I have a 7 year old daughter. I think it got worse at 6 1/2 and got better around 7. Lots of sleep issues, clothing issues, sensory issues, unhappy with everything, unable to cope with anything off routine. Now, when I hesitate and wonder if these socks will make her yell, she just laughs. How could socks make her insane, silly mom? So I am just left feeling insane.But she’s an August birthday and we went with the normal grade (she’s the youngest in her class) so she seems sometimes more in sync with older kids in her age cohort. And other times, at least a year behind.
    I think the worst of each phase is about 4 month long. Either that, or I am used to it by then.
    And despite finding her much nicer to live with lately, I should be prepared for spring, when she is 7.5, to be a pain, shouldn’t I?

  9. Still sick, hope this tracks?Yes, you’re in the middle of an “I hate you sandwich”, I love that one, it describes it perfectly. And it sucks that we, in our parent role, can’t just turn around and yell, “well I don’t like you very much right now, either!”
    Seven is a tender age, filled with tons of concerns, worry, a quick rush to anger, and blame. There’s lots of I hate you and you don’t understand, sounds just like 3.5 doesn’t it! The truth is the lack of understanding about feelings and social situations that was expressed loudly and with lots of belligerence at 3.5 has now resurfaced but turned inward and is being assessed through a 7 yr olds *new* ability to reason. The child can become confused and overwhelmed and that can cause reactions.
    Seven can be a very internal, sad, filled with worry and/or anger type of a stage. It’s as if the blinders have been taken off and life is not so carefree any more. The child feels that there are “big” responsibilities now and he must be as perfect as possible in order to measure up. Things like school, homework, rules, and siblings and family situations are all filled with a new internal pressure now. At seven the need to get everything pretty prefect is paramount, the need to finish things is critical; the need to belong to the peer group is also huge. The child’s brain is coming into *true* logical reasoning and is now focusing in on the details of situations like never before. Now instead of ignoring a parent or sibling’s feelings or words a seven year old seems to zero in on every nuance and tries to hold the parent or sibling accountable for every word or feeling. This is their way of trying to make sense of how things work and the chaos going on inside of them as reasoning begins to blossom.
    A 7 is very unsure of this new ability to reason and that causes him to worry, he wants the parent to see how much he has grown and that causes him to be bold, and he can’t articulate either one of those needs—so he reacts. This is one of the basic underlying principle of childhood, when I don’t know how to handle my new way of seeing the world I begin by lashing out and/or reacting, then you correct me and send me the new rules, then I test the new rules and you show me what I’m missing so I can learn some more and then I incorporate all this new information into my psyche and finally we move on. That of course is the very short version.
    How to handle this? It’s can be very challenging not to become worried that there’s something really wrong here because it can go on for so long.
    This isn’t the best age for long discussions about what’s wrong or why he’s behaving this way. Long talks can result in circular discussions filled with lots of tears. You can’t ignore any of this either so some discussion is needed. This age is more about empowering his new way of seeing the world as long as his behavior remains within the boundaries, rules and values you’ve set for your family. A parent’s role at seven is more about being a role model and a stable influence as he experiences the chaos inside.
    Seven is also a perfect time to have a family meeting and reestablish of rules or adjust the rules now that he’s older. Having a meeting like this before going back to school may be the perfect time.
    I created the Umbrella Rules for children 4-7. The Umbrella Rules are a set of rules that are so broad that all behavior fits neatly under each statement. Things like “be nice”. Be nice means be nice to me, brother, animals, plants, chair, cars, toys and on and on. Enforcing the Umbrella Rules allows a parent to remind a child of how they’re supposed to act and treat others no matter how they’re feeling without the need to punish. Details for this method are in seminar #9 on my website.
    Seven is very hard and they do seem to know it all and yet react as if incapable of handling all that is on their plate! Seven is a great primer for 12 yr old girls and 13 yr old boys. Yes, I hate to be the one to tell you but this is a glimpse of what’s to come. With that in mind you can see how important it is to enforce what ever rules you do have in your family and work with them and work with them before the tween years appear and kids absolutely go under ground with feelings.
    I didn’t want to insult your wisdom by going into any further detail because you really know what to do, it lives inside of you and you know it. Trust you heart, your instincts, and just try to wait two breathes before responding and you’ll be fine!

  10. @Hedra, just read your post that was linked above and have 2 reactions:1. “They drop things as they walk again, out of mind, out of hand. They get angry easily, and blame it on others. They’ll stumble over shoe laces and not think to tie the shoe. They’ll stand there and stare blankly at something, knowing there was something they were supposed to do with it, but unable to access the information (which they then may feel angry, resentful, scared, about and look for someone to blame). They think they know better than everyone, and at the same time they’re blundering through all sorts of rules and reminders and guidelines and … whee.
    They’re also really easily wounded, emotionally. Everything hurts different. They take things personally.”
    That made me crack up because it describes ME right now as a new mommy 🙂 Apparently I’m regressing…
    And “But once I got loud enough, I heard myself, realized that I’d hit the signpost for ‘parenting a child that isn’t actually here anymore’ and could stop and change tracks” That really helped me today because I realized that I’m trying to parent a 3-month-old with my newborn tricks and I just need to stop trying to swaddle her when she screams because it doesn’t work anymore…she’s teething, not gassy for goodness sake.
    Sorry for the tangential comments on Hedra’s post, you can go back to your regularly schedule comment thread about 7-year-olds (I have nothing to add, never having parented a 7-year-old, never having taught a 7-year-old and having been a perfect 7-year-old myself)
    🙂

  11. Ohh! I’m in the throes of seven. This is helpful. I need to try to see his helplessness as a stage and not just laziness or a plea for attention. So many things he used to be able to do alone and now I can’t leave the room and expect anything to be done. And the sassiness? I cannot stand it.

  12. Does anybody think the odd years are tougher? I agree that eight is lots better than seven, but nine is driving both me and my husband nuts. :-(I don’t mean to hijack; I think I just needed to vent a little.

  13. Hi Moxie,I recently found out about your blog, and enjoy reading it. As a parent coach and mother of a seven-year-old boy, I felt compelled to respond to this one.
    One way to get through challenging times is to keep your focus on what you can teach your child. Children do go through developmental changes and have difficult times. We as adults have times that are more stressful than others. Here are some ways to help yourself and your son:
    1. Empathize. “You are feeling angry and having a hard time right now.” Think of what a relief it can be that someone is attempting to understand how you feel. It’s a relief for children and adults.
    2. Help your child find ways to calm down when he is calm: “You’ve been having a hard time lately, what do you think would help you calm down? You could try taking deep breaths. You could try counting backwards from 10…” Help him find something that works for him. Remind him during the next outburst to give it a try.
    3. Don’t take it personally. He doesn’t really hate you. He’s just not using his words because he doesn’t know how to. Give him words. What would he say if he could truly express his feelings? “My body feels uncomfortable. I’m frustrated…” Give him words now, and it can help for rough times ahead. For more on helping kids with emotional intelligence: http://tinyurl.com/989r74
    During rough times, it can be helpful knowing you are doing the best you can to help your child. Make sure to take care of yourself too! Hang in there!!

  14. Boy my brain is still sick I missed one crucial thing. All of this new development tends to cause a child to slide backwards a bit emotionally and physically. The “I can’t do it” comes out again.After writing my post I began remembering what taller was like when he was seven. This was the age when doing any chores or homework was met with I’m can’t, not good enough, not smart enough, don’t know enough. He would refuse to begin his chores or homework because he was afraid that he wouldn’t finish it or get it right.
    This also became the first age that he and his beloved dad began having issues. Dad wanted him to get these things done and taller would procrastinate until dad came in and walked him through it. It was either that or it would become a huge emotional deal for hours before any homework could begin. This went on and on until taller began to see that he was capable, around age 8.
    And this was also the age when he would trip over everything, whether it was there or not! That happens somewhere between 6-7 and is the physical discombobulating that happens when the brain is off being busy learning something really big. Sorry I forgot that piece.

  15. Do you have “Becoming the Parent You Want to Be”? It’s geared toward younger kids, but the section on “Learning to Value Struggle and Disequilibrium” has been the most helpful thing I’ve found for my son’s rough ages so far (but he’s just four)–not so much for specific preschooler behaviors but for a calm, responsible stance myself.

  16. I’ve taught 2nd grade for the last 8 years. The beginning of the year is always rough because of those seven year olds! They crave order and routine and will not be thrown off their schedule without a meltdown. Have pity for any substitute that may come their way because they could, in fact, teach the class themselves. They are noticing everyone around them and trying to find their little niche in the group. They must tattle on everyone, especially their best friend. They are hopelessly disorganized. Most of the boys have zero imagination at this age because they are completely obsessed with video games. Most of the girls have established themselves in a little clique and pick one girl per day to torture. Yes, at age 7 most kids are a total mess. At age 8, the world is much brighter!

  17. you know what? dont call me a bitch. i ‘donated’ to the tip jar and i’d like to see ‘ask moxie’ go back to being the community it used to be. what is the point of referring friends or buying t-shirts if it is no longer the site it used to be. its not all about moxie. its ask moxie.

  18. Because the several comments above have already covered the basics in responding to your plea for advice and encouragement — and because in many ways you answered your own question at the end of you wonderful post — I am going to dole out what often works for me when all else fails.I should warn you, though, this sort of thinking is *not* for everybody (like my mother in law, who really hates when I go here).
    When things get tough (I have a two year old boy who is, ahem, very assertive), I engage in mental gymnastics. That is, I imagine how incredibly WORSE it could be: kidnapping, rare fatal disease, being an Iraqi mother, dying in a plane crash on the way to visit relatives. (I told you: this ain’t the most acceptable approach). The thing is — and I’m not a self-righteous person, so you can’t accuse me of being self-righteous, try to put it into perspective. Yes, it’s a phase (and, if we agree that _The Wonder Years_ was onto something, then this phase signals development), and yes you will get through it.
    You’re amazing mom — look at the many moms you inspire — and I have no doubt that you’ll survive what definitely sounds like a difficult position. Not to mention the fact that you’re flying solo (perhaps not the best metaphor, given the aforementioned examples of worst-case-scenarios). You rock, Moxie, even when your kids say otherwise!!!

  19. “Sulking, bad attitude, resistance to any plan no matter how much fun, constant fighting … and just being someone no one wants to be around”Hmm, this sounds suspiciously like my husband. But I was pretty sure he was older than 7… 😉

  20. @rudyinparis Thank goodness I am not the only one with a 5.5 with a bad attitude!!! She is all too often a rude know-it-all who only listens when she is in full agreement. And the worst part is that she readily admits that she knows exactly why she keeps getting into trouble and doesn’t care/have enough self cotrol at the time of the infraction to stop herself. Half of the time she is a delight. The other half I am ready to sell her.

  21. 7 was stinky. I was ready to send him to a military boarding school. One thing that worked well for us was charts. We’d list 3-5 behaviors that we wanted to improve, such as Talk Nicely, Be Kind to Sister, etc. We even broke it down to morning (7-11), afternoon (11-3), and evening (3-7). He’d get either a smiley face, so-so face, or sad face. There was no reward attached to the happy faces. For our son, getting a smiley face was enough. It worked remarkably fast. It also helped us figure out what was really making us crazy.8 (2nd grade) has been awesome for us.

  22. whoa. whoa. i couldn’t not comment after reading mhati’s comment. i do not have a 7 year-old – best of luck. i do, however, have a kid, and that’s why i’m here – to be a part of a loving, supportive, pro-mama, educated, proactive community of parents. moxie, (IMO) your job is not to post a new question every day; nor is it to talk less about yourself. you have worked so hard to build this amazing community that celebrates parents doing their personal best every single day. if someone does not care to hear about your life, they have every right to not check your site. part of the reason (i believe) people love you and your site is because YOU come through in your posts – this isn’t some sterile, impersonal, generic advice site that asks you to follow rules and steps. i’ll stop before i go on too long. i know mhati is absolutely entitled to her opinion, and i wanted to voice mine as well. single parenting is so FRIGIN’ hard sometimes, and you can type about your life all you want and need – i’ll listen. go on with your bad self, moxie!!

  23. I don’t really have anything in particular to add to the coping with a 7 year old discussion. However, I’ve frequently found that lamaze breathing is much more useful once you’ve left the delivery room and are having trying times as a mother. :^) Hopefully 8 will be here before you know it.

  24. My husband just described dealing with our 3-year as “like trying to hang wallpaper on fog”. I really liked that and had to share. I do not like dealing with the 3-year old. At all. I am so with Ames and Ilg on this one – send them to pre-school and grandmas’ houses.On the 3.5, 7, 14, 28 thing…my sister was 14 when my mom sent her to live with my dad. Apparently, my mom was smarter than I gave credit.

  25. Just to add to what greatkid said, sometimes what Moxie throws out to the crowd from her life (in lieu of “Q&A”) can be a great opening for discussion of data points or the collection of shared wisdom (like the post from last week on eating, or any number of sleep posts).This Q is for more than just parents of 7 year olds.
    And even if it were “7 year old specific”?
    For those of us who aren’t there yet, it’s nice to know that it’s coming and how to deal with it and that it passes.
    I saw a mom at Starbucks today taking her toddler out alone because his baby sister was born a few days ago–my kids are exactly the same distance apart as hers. I told her it was hard at the beginning, but her eyes lit up when I described how they (sometimes) play together. Just knowing there are bright spots to come can be a gift.

  26. I’m with you sarcasticarrie….3 is kicking my ass. Preschool is worth every penny. I remember a while back (maybe a year or two) Moxie did a post on 3 year olds and a ton of people weighed in with comments, data points, and ideas for dealing with them. While NONE of it applied to me at the time or anything I was going through (like the elusive 40 minute nap of an 8 month old infant…) I copied and pasted the post and all the comments into a word document and titled it “Read in December 2008”. And it has been very useful.All this to say that even though the 7 y/o stuff doesn’t apply to me, it WILL someday and I find it all valuable information. It doesn’t have to be a Q and A for me to get something out of the (constructive) comments. Thanks, Moxie for what you do. In your spare time. When you’re not looking for freelance work, busting your ass to meet deadlines, and raising your kids. What you are going through at any point in time IS applicable to me and my life – not only with your kids, but in your personal life too…..as you already know.
    🙂

  27. I thought 7 was great. But then again, 3-6 was so absolutely miserable that just about anything would have been an improvement. He’s 3 months shy of 9 now and just a delight as he finally “gets” all kinds of stuff. Now #2 is 6.5 and is finally coming out of the 3-6 misery. Things would be looking up except that #3 has entered the terrible twos about 6 months ahead of schedule. Good times.Hang in there.

  28. I considered this a Q&A, with the Q being from Moxie. Format differs slightly when it is her own question, but it was still a plea for help from a mom who feels she’s trapped or losing it or lacking skills or out of her depth, the way most Q&A’s are.I understand what mhati wants, and yes, there was discussion, and yes, we did mainly trend toward ‘more Q&A, fewer open posts, please’ it seems – but that doesn’t mean NO open posts, and it IS a holiday time, when things are a bit looser in focus usually. Mhati may not have the same holiday patterns and may therefore not recognize that this isn’t ‘standard time’, it is an *interlude* in the pattern of the year. Let Moxie get back home and get settled and let the new year start, mhati – she’ll get back to more Q&A’s – from others – when she’s had a chance to settle, I’ll bet. Have some patience, though I know if you don’t understand the pattern it is harder (plus it sounds like you really yearn for the traditional Q&A’s so much you can probably taste it).
    I also hope that (as the year settles in) the balance tips toward more Q&A’s overall (since that brings out the best in the commenters), but it isn’t my site, and even if I paid her $10K through the tip jar (if only!), I would still have no ownership of her choices, and would not be the boss, and would have to live with how it flows out from the source, which means (and has meant) that 90% of the time, the questions are about things I’m well past. I comment because I can feel the pain of the questioner. Yesterday, I could feel Moxie’s pain, and was living it simultaneously, too. That makes it a Q&A, to me.

  29. I don’t usually comment but I wanted to thank all of you wise moms for your advice and experiences.I have a 7yo boy and sometimes I wonder what I did wrong. Mom2Boys described it perfectly – “How is it that they know EVERYTHING but are capable of doing NOTHING by themselves except play video games and be sarcastic?” OMG — exactly.
    My two cents is that going back to the basic simple rules (from when they were 3.5!) seems to calm him down, when he can see that not EVERYTHING is changing. We still don’t hit, we don’t call names or use bad words, we use our manners, we take turns, we have to bathe and brush our teeth and let the dogs out…
    Anyhow, thank you for the wisdom!

  30. @Mhati & the person who called her a not-so-kind name in the last thread – I believe the Basic Simple Rules that Dawn spelled out in her excellent comment (12/31 @9:51am) apply not only to children, but to all of us adults who wish to comment on Ask Moxie:1) We don’t call names or use bad words.
    None of the women who post here ever deserves to be called a female dog, especially someone who finally has the guts to post under something besides “anon.”
    2) We use our manners.
    Just because you leave a tip in Moxie’s jar, it doesn’t mean you suddenly get to call the shots. As this is not Burger King, you don’t get to have it your way. Complaining with an air of entitlement has never been an effective way to get great service in life (but it’s a surefire way to get spit in your fries.)
    3) We take turns.
    It’s Moxie’s turn right now to get some answers. This is HER site, and she has earned the right to manage it as she sees fit. As hedra said, most of the US is mentally on holiday from about Dec 23-Jan 2, so it’s not business as usual. We need to adjust our expectations accordingly.
    Carry on, Moxie! I respect you so much & learn a lot from Ask Moxie, no matter what the format. At slower times like these, I really enjoy reading through the older posts.

  31. I figure that this is an advice site for parents and Moxie is a parent too. Sometimes she needs help from everyone else.Things evolve and as long as there is still value here and people helping each other and commiserating, maybe complaining about the site itself is counterproductive. Take what appeals to you and ignore the rest.
    Happy new year! Although I am not happy to learn that 7 is a bad year. 3.5 to 4 with our twin boys is killing us. Maybe they progress soon.

  32. Moxie, I have no advice. My son is 15 mos and I am completelyl in the dark about what the future will being.ALl I have is this – You are a strong woman and I know you will get through this will grace. Hang in there.

  33. Can anyone recommend any books about social/emotional development ages 6 onwards? I have a 6 yr old son who is definitely displaying a lot of what Moxie and Hedra talk about but I am completely in the dark about what is really going on. Would love to learn more – is there a Wonder Weeks type of book for this age?

  34. @koshercow, the Your X Year Old series is probably the best one to use. It has some rather funny ancient references (70’s), but the facts of development haven’t changed. They’re a good followup series to the Wonder Weeks, essentially capturing the same concepts – the up and down, the forward and back, the things that will drive you nuts but are neither your fault nor theirs, and how to help them through to the next stage.

  35. I am the mom of an 8-month old boy. My Name is Roger Vivier Shoes.Full-time, and my husband is mostly a stay-at-home dad. Our situation is pretty great, although I wish I worked 3 or 4 days a week instead of 5, but that’s life, right?

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  37. Bully Ray: I give my extra chicken bones to the hlesomes people, I give my extra dollar bills to strippers, hell I even give my extra whiskey to my little kiddy tat pumpkin.Roode: You’re a good man. LMAO. Season’s beatings, I mean, greetings everyone.

  38. Agreed. It’s completely a repcest thing. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with seeing something of the sort, so just go about your business privately. That’s that.Also, at Rachel, there’s a slight difference between a woman wearing a bikini (which, unless you’re flaunting some ridiculously large cleavage, typically cover the same area as a bra and knickers) and seeing a breast with a child attached to it. I don’t typically go to the beach with two kids (which I don’t have) hanging off each one as a method of covering them up because of legal nonsense to get sun/play in water. Most people aren’t bothered by just seeing a breast. While people understand breastfeeding to be natural, it’s just not something everyone is comfortable with actually seeing, often during certain activities (my biggest issues have always been that I don’t want to see someone breastfeeding while I’m in a restaurant or while I’m trying to do my job).

  39. breastfeeding in said public batohrom? Sure some of the restrooms in high-end clothing and department stores have lounges in the batohrom, but I doubt any of the mothers complaining about being asked to move to a batohrom were in places with such facilities. So instead what should she do? Attempt to feed her child while standing? Sit on the floor of dubious cleanliness (and likely in the way of anyone actually there to use the facilities)? Public restrooms rarely have lids on their toilets, so it’s not even like that’s a viable option. Without taking any of my other opinions on the subject into account (like wishing it were normalized so that people would no longer see it as weird or gross, but just how things are, effectively making this problem null and void), this is my issue with asking someone to breastfeed in a batohrom. It is simply an unfeasible option logistically speaking.

  40. I found the letter:Maternally uifanrAMID the debate regarding maternity leave and the return of mothers to the workforce, I would like to add to Farah Farouque’s argument that Australia should implement mandatory paid maternity leave (The Age, 9/5). Few people seem aware that the revised IR laws have actually removed any right to unpaid maternity leave, let alone a guaranteed paid income.One of the five minimum entitlements that covers all AWAs states: Up to 52 weeks’ unpaid maternity leave. How exactly is up to a minimum?I learnt of this minimum standard the hard way when I fell pregnant on an AWA. My employer of three years sought external legal advice on what leave they could deny me without opening themselves up to a lawsuit.I have subsequently been denied any unpaid maternity leave and I’m a Federal Government employee.How does the fairness test apply to that boss?Name and address suppliedI’m sure readers of The Age with actual legal expertise will advise the writer in tomorrows paper , but that strikes me as just wrong as well. The up to wording means that it is not compulsory for her to take a full year’s leave, not that the employer can interpret up to as equivalent to zero.

  41. This is ridiculous and I serouisly hope that no pregnant woman or potential mother to be stumbles across this post OR these mostly horrible comments. I hate the human race sometimes for all of it’s stupidity and judgement! Every single mammal on the planet has breasts. Every single mammal on the planet uses those breasts to feed their children. NONE OF THEM (except humans) USE A BLANKET TO COVER UP OR GO HIDE IN PRIVATE TO FEED THEIR BABIES!!! NONE OF THEM (except humans) MAKE EXCUSES AS TO WHY THEY CAN’T BREASTFEED AND USE A CHEMICAL SUBSTITUTE TO FEED THEIR YOUNG!!!! It’s breastfeed or die! Every other mammal on the planet finds a way through their breastfeeding issues or gets help from another mother and is able to feed their young. NONE OF THE OTHER MAMMALS MAKE FUN, JUDGE, GIVE DIRTY LOOKS OR WRITE RIDICULOUS, IMMATURE, UNEDUCATED BLOGS ABOUT THE BREASTFEEDING MOTHERS!!! Except humans, of course, because we are just oh so intelligent. IT’S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT MAKE ME WANT TO WHIP OUT MY TITS IN PUBLIC AND MAKE A BIG SHOW OF BREASTFEEDING!

  42. Here in our place breastfeeding are often use by many mortehs since they were quite busy with their jobs, household choirs, etc.But when i become a mother if ever i’m home I breastfeed my son not because it is cheaper but because I strongly believe that Breastfeeding strengthens the bond between mother and child.

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