Happy Birthday to Ask Moxie!

Three years ago was my first Ask Moxie post ever!

As some of you may recall, it kind of started as a joke. I used to leave advice on other people's blogs (mostly along the lines of "you're doing a good job–ignore the dogma") so some of my friends and readers said I should start an advice blog. So I did, thinking it would be kind of fun and funny.

And it was. And then it got kind of serious, and I started to get emails from people needing real help. At the same time, writing Ask Moxie was the only thing that made me feel like a worthwhile person (when I was in a crushing marriage). It let me know I was worth something.

So I thank you all for reading and commenting. For needing me and for giving to me. There are a lot of you out there now, and I'm working on a way for us all to connect more in 2009.

This is what I want you all to know on Ask Moxie's birthday:

You are doing a really good job. Both at parenting, and at being who you're supposed to be. Even if you don't feel like much right now, that's just the externals: sleep deprivation, drudgery, survival, making decisions you never thought you'd have to make. If now feels like a super-crappy time, it's probably because you didn't notice yourself spinning the chrysalis. You're inside now, working on stuff, and soon you'll come out and stretch your wings.

Those of us who are starting to come out the other side aren't forgetting what it's like, and we'll be here to help you.

Have a great year, everyone!

48 thoughts on “Happy Birthday to Ask Moxie!”

  1. Dude. You made me cry.Happy anniversary, Moxie! Your message is an incredible one. Thanks you, thank you, thank you.
    Could say so much more but, you know, the damn tears…

  2. Happy Birthday to Ask Moxie! I hope your three-year-old is your friend and not your enemy.I’m putting in yet another request for the Ask Moxie Facebook group. If you don’t want to do it because you’ll have to use your real name, I’m sure one of the rest of us could set it up.
    Happy Thanksgiving to all!

  3. Happy Birthday! In my top-10 favorites list of Being a New Parent is this site. This is where I get my support and my best answers to my questions….and where I come after last night’s endlessness. My 6 month old-teething-trying-to-walk-sleepless-baby does not seem like such an outlier when I come to this site and read other people’s stuff. I just adjust my expectations, try to relax, and remember that this will not last forever.Just yesterday I was wondering if donating to this site counts as a Christmas charity? As much as I love the Heifer organization, Ask Moxie is more meaningful to me.

  4. You made me cry with this post. I’m glad that you are doing better, but I wish I could be as strong as you. I guess I’m still spinning that chrysalis, and it’s taking an awful long time. Your blog makes me believe there is an end to the worst of it. Thanks!

  5. Happy blogiversary!I agree that all of us are probably doing a better job than we think. It is easy to get bogged down in the details. I can honestly say that in my own life, I do not know one single “bad” mother. Everyone is trying their hardest and they all love their child with only their best interests in mind. It is easy to lose sight of that!

  6. I just don’t know what I would have done without you, Moxie. I just don’t know. Something, to be sure. It would have been OK, it’s true.But, in this day and age where so many of us just don’t have the kind of physical community of mothers surrounding us (not that that would always be an ideal thing), this site serves such an important role.
    And, for all of you out there reading what she’s saying about the chrysalis and wondering if this will be true for you too, listen to the guru. She’s right. So right. The day will come when you turn a corner and the things that were so oppressive just aren’t that way anymore. They may still be there, sure, but they won’t be such burden. In the meantime, know that you are not alone.

  7. Happy birthday to Ask Moxie! Do you have anything on your birthday wish list? Right now the Motorola Krave is at the top of mine. I’ve been a fan of the Krave ever since I started working with Motorola. I love the full touch screen display and 2 megapixel cameral. Definitely check it out online at Motorola.com/krave. It’s at the top of my list this holiday season.

  8. Looking forward to many more!My little baby H is 2 weeks old today, so I know I’ll be a more active Moxite…Moxier…Moxian? in the weeks & months to come.
    Thanks for sharing yourself and the space, and enabling the community.

  9. Happy blogiversary, Ask Moxie!I also don’t know what I would have done without you, this great site and all the wonderful people here. You all helped me through so many things from dealing with sleep regressions (in fact, I was planning to go back and read some sleep posts today, because OY!) to recognizing my PPD and seeking help for it. Moxie, you are just an inspiration and I’m so glad that you have this site.
    And now with #2 on the way, I know I’ll need this site even more! Where were those posts on dealing with siblings again? 😉
    Also, thanks to everyone for your congrats and well wishes the other day. I was so busy getting out of town and then on vacation without a computer that I finally went back and read all the replies just yesterday. Thank you all for your support and kindness! Second trimester starts either next week or the week after (I never know if it’s supposed to be at 12 or 13 weeks).

  10. Happy Blogoversary! This site filled the hole left when I went back to work full time and could no longer go to breastfeeding support group. Thank you for the site.

  11. I want to reinterate this: “You are doing a really good job. Both at parenting, and at being who you’re supposed to be.”I remember 28 years ago after my daughter was born I was given this advice: “Remember, the baby doesn’t know any more about being a baby than you do about being its mother. You will figure it out together.” At that moment in time, I vowed not to be enslaved to books by so-called experts and just follow my instincts.
    It must have worked. 28 years later, I am the extremely proud parent of a just-about-perfect young lady.
    Keep on doing what you’re doing; turn to each other for support but remember, in the end YOU are this child’s parent an only you know what is best for him/her.

  12. Moxie, I’m not a mom, but yours is still one of the handful of blogs out of 100+ in my RSS reader that I click first when I see there’s a new post.I think you’re an extraordinary person and I love reading your Moxie-brand of practicality, kindness, and smarts. I’m still thrilled about you highlighting one of my comments over a year ago (about getting presents for your kids’ teachers).
    And I know if I’m ever lucky enough to become a mom, which seems less and less likely to me single at 37, I know I’ll be re-reading Ask Moxie again and again. Either way, though, this spinster aunt is grateful that you exist and thanks you for your generosity of spirit in writing this blog.

  13. Happy Blog Birthday!I’m so much better at being a mom than I would have been if I hadn’t found this place. I bet I would be doing more or less the same sorts of things, but without nearly the confidence I have, let alone the reasons.
    I’m always so very happy to see a Moxie post!

  14. Happy Anniversary Moxie and Readers! I only came on board about 10 months ago at the 4 month sleep regression but am well and truly hooked. I can’t believe its only been 3 years – so many words of wisdom. Here’s to the next 3 years and many more beyond.

  15. Happy Birthday ask Moxie!The most wonderful thing about this site is that it offers support and wisdom from countless walks of life that YOU bound together. Then it empowers those who have walked the dark roads of sleep deprivation, regressions, development issues etc.etc by allowing them to share their experiences with those who are just starting out.
    Thank you so much.

  16. I have turned to your blog countless times in my nine-month-old’s short life. Thank you so much for all that you do. You make me feel normal and worthy.Thank you so much, Moxie!

  17. Happy birthday and Thank you Ask Moxie!!! I sent your words on to two of my new mama friends. Before baby, I was a lone wolf but everything that has happened has helped me see how much I need community in my life. I love this site and I love Moxie and all the readers and commenters who are so brave and have so much to teach. Thanks all!!!

  18. Happy b-day, Ask Moxie! You’re such an amazing writer, and such a strong, sure-of-yourself woman. I can’t imagine parenting without you (and of course the wonderful Moxites!).

  19. wow, thanks. I *really* needed to hear that today.And — happy birthday! Thanks so much for all you do. This is a wonderful, supportive and helpful community.

  20. Happy blogiversary Moxie!!! I’m so glad that this effort has meant as much to you as it does to us. You’re a shining beacon of sense and grace to so many people.

  21. Happy 3-year Blog-iversary, Moxie!!!!What can I say to the woman who gave me a virtual home all those lonely nights awake with my crying, beautiful baby in those early, unconfident days of motherhood? Thank you for bearing witness.
    @caramama – Congratulations! We’re so honored to have heard your news here, first! 😉

  22. @hush – Thanks!p.s. To those who didn’t see it when I announced it a couple weeks ago, I’m pregnant, but still in the first trimester (okay, that was obvious in the first comment, I know). BUT I’m not announcing on my blog yet, so please don’t put anything in comments over there. Hubby doesn’t know I told you all, and I’ll be in big trouble if he finds out. But I couldn’t help myself! I was dying to tell you all.
    Sorry for the hijack!

  23. “….and she was a beautiful butterfly!”Awesome.
    Thanks, Moxie. I’m so glad Bella told me about your blog and the wonderful community I’ve discovered here. If there’s one blog I recommend to new moms, it’s yours.
    (@Bella – big mooshy hug coming in t-minus 48 hrs…no kiss, lest I pass on this supercrud I’ve got).
    To a new year full of discovery, joy, and emergence. xoxo Chaosgirl

  24. Happy Anniversary Moxie! This is my favorite Mommy Blog. You have helped me through so many tough situations with my two and I have learned so much from you and the other commenters.I recommend this site to every mom (and dad) I know…
    Thanks for your kind words and for being there for us everyday. We love you and Ask Moxie is definitely one of the things I am thankful for!

  25. Happy Birthday Ask Moxie – and thanks for this blog.For me, this birthday brings somewhat mixed feelings, because as Ask Moxie took off, I lost your voice from another community (you know which one I mean).
    But I’ve still loved seeing the result of the chrysalis to butterfly process. And learned so much about parenting from you and your amazing community.

  26. Thank you, Moxie. This place is my island of sanity and honesty, my sole daily online stop. You’ve kept me afloat and built a true community.I’m honored to be a Moxite, and am so glad I found you all.

  27. Happy belated bday to Ask Moxie!! thanks for all you do Moxie, and for creating this blog/space/community. I’m very grateful for it all. I can’t remember exactly when I found you as the first year is a blur, may have stopped by, but started coming hardcore last year about this time. It’s been so helpful and made me feel less isolated. thanks for the inspiring words, I needed that.

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