Checking in

I miss you! I miss questions! But I am knee-deep in work. Perhaps waist-deep in work.

I realized this morning that I'm in the phase of the project in which four hours actually seems like a decent amount of sleep at night, and the work has started doing itself. The rhythm of the project has kind of found its way into my brain waves, so I'm just producing, not really thinking hard about it. It's not flow. It's some kind of half-world of brain activity and typing. Human : vampire :: flow : this state.

Perhaps I will entertain you with some cute kid stories.

My older one came home from school yesterday with a fat lip. I asked him what happened, and he said he got kicked in the lip at recess. But he seemed pretty nonchalant about it, so I asked, "Was it fun kicking, or painful kicking?" "Oh, it was fun, Mom!" he answered. "But then the grown-ups told us we shouldn't play fight anymore, so today we're doing foot races!"

I'm not sure I'll ever understand boys.

The little one makes up songs about everything. The other day I heard him walking around singing, "We can be careful, we can be careful, we can be CARE! FULLLLLLLLL!"

I have no idea what that was about, but I'm glad he's into Safety First.

62 thoughts on “Checking in”

  1. Oh, the songs… I can’t even remember what they’re all about, but they often involve flying to the MOOOOOOOOOOOON, and sharks, and whatever they talked about in school the day before.Have fun working. Brain suck, is what we call that.

  2. It’s my last day of work and my anxiety is sky-high. I’m a little jealous of you, Moxie, because at least you have a plan for the future. My current plan involves trying not to get depressed.Anyway, can I throw a thread-jack question out to the masses? I’m hosting this baby shower tomorrow. Saturday afternoon, traditional baby shower format, all women. Also relatively small-ish. So, the guest of honor (the pregnant woman) said that some of her friends will be expecting alcohol at the party. Now, I think you could maybe work in wine or champagne, but honestly the party just seems too small to spend money on alcohol. So I said I would just bring sodas and water, and then the pregnant woman said she had stuff like vodka, tequila, etc. that people could just pour in their sodas. I feel like a baby shower where people are invited to spike their sodas is really tacky. And then the pregnant woman said we could just make margaritas or have BEER. I know I sounded like Bree VanDeKamp, but I will just not host an afternoon all-women’s baby shower with beer. Mind you the pregnant woman is not actually going to drink. I think this is just part of her overall attitude of “having this baby doesn’t have to change everything.” Hahahaha. So, what do you guys think? Should I at least bring a bottle of wine and put it out with the soda/water?

  3. @Shannon – I’d put out 2 bottle of a ‘eh’ kind of Chardonay and be done with it.My primal grumble – Mister this morning waking me up from JC’s floor at 6am, “I got up at 5:30 and didn’t even realize you guys weren’t in the bed”. Wish he would have kept it to himself.

  4. @Shannon – I’m laughting (re: Bree)…but I might bring a couple of bottles of wine and/or champagne to pacify those who MUST drink…I also have a thread jack….now that all the experts are saying “no cough or cold meds for kids under 6” I’d love to hear how you all deal with the coughing…I can home decongest with the best of them, but the hacking cough keeping them up all night? I’m at a loss…any easy tricks anybody can share?

  5. How about some nice spiked punch or mimosas? That would keep the elegant factor, while still allowing the ladies to feel tipsy. Totally reminds me of a “Sex in the City” episode where Samantha comes to a baby shower with a bottle of liquor because “I’m not pregnant, and I can drink!” Haha. But kinda tacky, too.

  6. While I know this is irksome for you, Shannon, it made me laugh and laugh. Out loud. I’m completely imagining the pregnant lady as Peg Bundy, BTW.You can class it up by doing an autumn theme and serving punch that is half apple cider and half sparkling wine/prosecco/cava.

  7. @Shannon: What seems tacky to me isn’t the beer at the baby shower (which, depending on the audience, could just be plain old fun, not innappropriate), but that she’s asking you, at the last minute, to change up the party in a sort of significant way, and then when you sort of declined, she found a way to sneak it in, i.e. spiking drinks with booze that she’ll bring along. It sounds like she’s really worried that her friends will think the shower is lame because it’s more traiditional and she doesn’t want her friends to think she’s turned into “mommy”.Depending on how close you are to her, I also think this all could be appropriate, but from what you’re saying, it doesn’t sound so. I would say that if you’re in the mood to accomodate, serve wine or something else you find acceptable, and pointedly mention your plans to the mom-to-be. Hopefully she’ll get the hint that you’ve covered her request and that she shouldn’t bring her Jim Beam.
    Weird. She sure is putting you in an awkward position.

  8. I think part of the problem is that I’m annoyed about this shower in general. She ASKED me to host it for her, she specified no games, minimal decoration, and no kids because that takes attention off of her. And if I have to hear, “We’re not going to be that couple who has no life outside their kid,” one more time, well …

  9. @Johanna, I read your comment after I posting my last one, but I have to jump back in and say you totally hit the nail on the head when you said: “It sounds like she’s really worried that her friends will think the shower is lame because it’s more traiditional and she doesn’t want her friends to think she’s turned into ‘mommy’.”I guess we all went through that, though. Another friend of mine, who is also pregnant with her first, just received several baby outfits from her aunt, as a gift for her own birthday. It’s hard to deal with “you’re not really a significant person anymore.”

  10. @Shannon: “We’re not going to be that couple who has no life outside their kid.” Oh, it is to LAUGH!Just go to Trader Joe’s, buy two Chardonnays and two Merlots from their 2 (three)-buck Chuck section, and call it done. In fact, why not just have TJ’s “cater” the party, and really be done? They’ve got all those fussy finger foods in the freezer, and the little cheese slices and the variety crackers, and you’ll put out a little spread with a little wine and have that much MORE TIME to go to Home Despot for the rental klieg lights to shine onto your buddy’s burgeoning belly.
    In any case, you’re being a good friend for doing this and putting up with the changing demands, and it’s wonderful for the perspective of how important things seem to be before you’re in the trenches with an actual baby and the crazy hormones and the overwhelming REALITY of it all. Sounds like it’s a smile-through-gritted-teeth and appreciate the brevity of it all kind of thing.

  11. @Bobbi, there was this great article a couple of years ago about a double-blind study that showed that plain old honey is actually *more effective* than cough medicine for kids–here’s the link:
    I’ve never been able to specifically find buckwheat honey as used in the study, but I’ve given Mouse honey for a cough several times and it really does seem to help. (She’s 4, I give her about 1/2 a teaspoon at bedtime if needed.)
    @Shannon, v. annoying–I’d probably go the mimosa route, just to make it all girly…and I’d try to grit my teeth and be gracious when that friend calls me in tears the first time after the baby is born. There’s really no way for her to know.

  12. @Bobbi: I know you’ve considered the magical power of honey in hot water/tea, but if my own mother needs reminding, I guess it bears repeating. I’d wonder if, especially with regard to older kids, you could talk with your ped about using a slippery elm tea or lozenge? I’ve personally used “Throat Coat” tea from Traditional Medicinals with success (it calms the tickle and soothes the scratchiness), and there are also lozenges I’ve taken…something like Two Trees? I can’t remember. They were in the grab-me area of the Whole Foods checkout line. Really effective. I don’t know a heck of a lot about slippery elm’s allergenicity or use in kids, though. FWIW, I’m allergic to tree nuts and had no problem with the stuff, since the active ingredient is sourced from the bark, not the seed, of the elm.

  13. Shannon, the nicest interpretation I can come up with for this is nervousness, and it might be best just to help her put her fears aside. My response would be, “Sweetie, your job is just to show up with the belly. I’ve got the party under wraps, and it’s going to be great.”That said, it’s seriously irritating to be asked to throw a party and then told how to do it. In real life, I’d be sorely tempted not to respond to *both* with a hearty f*** you.

  14. @Shannon – Sounds frustrating 🙁 My friend made “fake Sangria” the other night with 2 parts cheap wine, 1 part OJ and 1 part cherry juice. It was awesome and a little different…and cheap.@Bobbi – I’ve had good luck with the honey, it made my husband stop coughing the other night (he was keeping me awake and making me crazy). When I was a kid my mother used to mix up warm water with enough lemon juice for flavour and enough honey to make it tasty, and we were to sip it slowly and let it spend as much time on the throat as possible. Whether or not it was the honey, the lemon, or the warm liquid it felt really good and stopped the coughing to some degree.
    On the topic of kids songs, my almost-2-year-old has been entertaining me no end lately with “A-B-C-D-A-B-C” – since she only knows her alphabet up to D. Also “Baa baa baa sheep baa baa sheep” to the same tune. Absolutely hilarious.

  15. @effective nancy – you posted while I was posting…right now I’m dealing with the 2 little ones (too young for lozenges), but I’ll keep that in mind for the older ones too…it’s only a matter of time…

  16. “I don’t want a tacky traditional shower where, you know, people talk about me being pregnant and we play silly games… I want a tacky adult shower where my friends get toasted in the middle of the afternoon while we all lamely pretend that becoming a parent isn’t going to change my life AT ALL. But I still want the baby presents. So i still want a party. Will you throw it for me?”And who goes to a mid-afternoon baby shower expecting alcohol? “Expecting,” mind you, not “glancing hopefully around for just in case”? Sounds like she’s afraid to let down her guests’ expectations, in which case, what the heck kind of friends will they be once the baby is born?
    Wow, this guest of honor sounds a little controlling…I’d let her bring whatever bottles of alcohol she wants and set them near the punch bowl, but otherwise she should be a gracious guest instead of a control freak. If you want to go the TJ wine route that’s more than kind on your part, methinks. You’re doing your best to be a lovely hostess, and I hope you don’t have to grit your teeth too hard.

  17. @Bobbi, I’ve also heard that honey works for a cough, but I haven’t tried it. I usually use a eucalyptus rub on the chest to help with congestion.I LOVE the made-up songs. My 4YO is singing about rocket ships lately. My 2YO has a song where she lists the members of our family over and over. She also sings “Polly Pockets loves to brush her teeeeeeeth!”
    Sorry, here’s another hijack. My 4YO son is still having accidents almost daily — sometimes 2 or 3, usually just pee but occasionally BM as well. I talked to our doctor and his teacher, and they both say not to be too concerned until he is about 4.5. Well, we are almost at the 4.5 mark, and I am really starting to worry. The accidents don’t seem to bother the 4YO in the least — he doesn’t get uncomfortable in the wet or messy clothes, and if he is upset or embarrassed about the accidents he isn’t showing it. Sticker charts lost their effectiveness a long time ago. Reminders to go to the bathroom make him obstinate. My son is ahead in every other developmental area — I think he just doesn’t want to interrupt whatever he’s doing to go to the bathroom. No one else I know has ever had this much trouble with accidents. I would love some advice or even commiseration.

  18. @Bobbi- we do a pre-bed home remedy which is, basically, warmed water with cinnamon stick and lemon (no lemon if throat is REALLY raw) and a lot of honey. I’m thinkin, about a half-cup of water and a tablespoon of honey. The grown-ups drink this near-scalding. The kids drink it a bit cooler. But the soothing-tea aspect seems to help.@Shannon- sorry if you think this is snarky, but you did hijack the thread and throw it open to public comment…so…why didn’t you say “no” if you are annoyed about being asked to throw the party? Why say “yes” if you are going to be resentful?
    Seems to me like what type of alcohol to serve at a party for someone else is a minor thing in life- especially if the honoree is offering to bring the booze and you don’t even have to pay for it. If she is a good friend, then why not try to throw whatever party she wants and consider it a nice thing you did for somebody who is about to get no sleep for two months straight.
    I went to a tex-mex themed shower once where there was beer and a few bottles of non-alcoholic beer that the mama-to-be drank one with lime. It was fun- but I think that had more to do with the company than they food or beverage.

  19. Michelle, I think you’re pretty self-actualized if you could really say no to hosting a shower for a friend who asked you. Even after this burlesque workshop I still think I’d probably just say yes and go along with it…

  20. Coughing: I used this on me when I was not pregnant…I took children’s (not infant) tylenol or advil. The liquid. It was about 5 mL or so. It’s a thick syrup (mmm, fake grape) and coats the throat really well. It worked like a charm. If a kid is sick, you can probably give this to them right before bed. Also, the concentrations for infants’ and children’s medicines are different, so volume-wise you actually give more if you use the children’s type. This is a good thing if you’re doing it for the syrup-y properties. Read the labels. Be careful. Dose correctly.The first time I hosted a Mother’s Day brunch (while in the throes of infertility myself), I set out orange juice and champagne and my husband thought I was a nutjob for serving booze at 10 am. The bottle was gone by 10:15, the second one by 11:00. Let’s call it social lubricant.

  21. 4 YO with accidents. We tried the timer thing where it’s not you telling them (or asking them) it’s time for potty but the timer. Every hour or two, whatever. When it dings, the rule is they go to the bathroom and try (I throw a piece of TP in the toilet and tell him to sink it…boys! Or I say that we’ll race to the bathroom to see who gets there first).Oh, and the dinging is not my rule, it’s just The Rule. It’s the way things are in life. I’ll usually go potty then too (heck, I’m pregnant, I’ll go whenever/wherever).

  22. SarcastiCarrie – the timer thing is awesome…I wish I had thought of it when my son was 4. I’m offering commiseration, jlg, because my son is 7 and STILL can be too busy to make it on time (albeit, rarely now). It took me forever with him. My frustration was enormous at the time (makes me mad thinking about it, even now). And it was only because I KNEW he knew, but was just so wrapped up in whatever was occupying him at the time. I’m feeling your pain – maybe the timer will work for you…I’ll be trying it the next go ’round…

  23. @Shannon – Maybe she’s just a high needs friend or maybe she’s just a hormonal first-time pregnant lady stressing about inconsequential details because those are the only things she feels like she can control in her life right now? Either way I think you’ve done a good job of venting your frustration here while carrying on IRL as a friend doing her best. I think many of the suggestions already given are good and anyone of them would work in tandem with the advice to tell your friend that you’ve taken care of it and she can relax. Not that she will.:)Second the honey for a cough for kids over one and gargling with salt water for big kids and grown-ups for a sore throat. Does anyone else do that or just my weird family?
    Not a clue with the potty training but hoping I can remember some of the tips given.
    Happy news – Bean had his best morning drop off at daycare to date!! He was all smiles and even went of his own volition into his teacher’s arms for a hug and best of all no tears as I left.

  24. I think I maybe let my frustration slip out at lunch today with pregnant friend of baby shower fame. I was saying that many Chicago moms think April is the best month to have a baby. (Note that mine was NOT born in April, so this wasn’t some kind of bragging thing.) This friend is due in December, and said, “I actually don’t mind being trapped at home all winter with a baby.” I rudely said, “Oh, and this is based on all your baby experience?” Yes, I am a bad person.

  25. @jlg My 4YO waits until the last second to go, then dances around in the bathroom trying to get the potty ring on the toilet (which she doesn’t need, it’s there for the 2.5 yo to “get inspired”). If she pees a little in her underwear she could care less. ACK!She was doing this at school–also having full fledged accidents because of Fear of Loud Flushes–so I broke down and made a potty chart. Didn’t work when she was training (last summer), but it seems to be working now.
    Anyway, if it makes you feel better, my neighbor (who is a pediatrician) had to keep reminding her daughter to go because she’d get involved in stuff. I think she finally outgrew it–with a lot of prodding–over the course of first grade.

  26. @jlg- I know that you’re not supposed to do anything negative surrounding toilet training, but with my 3 1/2 year old (toilet trained for a little over a year), I’ve basically just said that whatever activity interfered with going to the bathroom in a timely manner is over for the day (or some period of time). At first if she made it to the vicinity of the toilet she got a free pass. Now she has to actually make it onto the potty. I present it all pretty neutrally- so I see you didn’t make it to the potty. Do you think that was because you were too busy and waited too long? Mmmm. Well I think we’re done with such and such (usually TV in her case)for today. Here’s a rag to help clean up. Seems to work with a minimal amount of distress (for her) and she really doesn’t have too many accidents. Of course we’ll see how this works with the second (boy) child . . .

  27. re. the baby shower: I don’t mind alcohol at a shower. It’s not like people are going to get plastered in the afternoon, right? (…um….right?)It does sound like she’s just worried that her childless friends won’t have a good time, and I have to admit that I do not like baby shower games. Smell the diaper? Guess how big the Mom-to-be’s belly is! (UGH.) What I loved about my shower was being surrounded by supportive friends and good food. Maybe just let her know that she will be surrounded by good friends who just want to be with her before the baby and it doesn’t really matter what you do. Her real friends will be there, alcohol or no.

  28. @Shannon, I don’t know if they have it at any of the stores where you live, but you might try “Chick Beer.” There’s actually a brand called chick beer, but I think it’s spelled in a weird way, and I can’t find it anywhere on the Internet – but I know it exists, I’ve tried the rasberry flavored one :). There’s also various flavored beers or ciders that serve the same purpose (I’m particularly fond of pear cider – made with Guinness like a black and tan it’s even more awesome, but I digress). Anyway, it’s just a thought – maybe a little less tacky than regular beer, can be worked into the theme of a women-only party, but not likely to get anyone nearly as tipsy as hard liquor. It’s a little bit “college dorm,” but if your friend is willing to spike the punch, it doesn’t seem like she’d mind :P.

  29. @Shannon–I laughed out loud at your last comment.My in laws are a bunch of alcoholics and let me tell you that NO party, no matter what time of day, in this family, is too early for alcohol!
    I’d go with a couple of bottles of cheap chardonnay or make a fruit-y, girly punch with champagne.
    As your for friend’s life not changing… ask her to get back with about March/April!
    To tie the alcohol and cough threads together… my mother swears by bourbon, honey, and lemon for a bad nighttime cough. I’ve tried it… it works on the cough for a little while, but I find lozenges works better for me. But this still doesn’t help with the kids… unless they’re the time to like a drink in the afternoon! 😉

  30. @jlg, a boatload of hugs! Not sure I have useful advice but I’ve noticed that my 4 1/2, who ordinarily gets super upset about any accident, will be really blase about them if she’s somehow gotten scared of going. A while back, there was this time she got freaked about tweezers (long story), and just started peeing on the floor with no reaction…and then this past week, she had had a fever and gotten kind of constipated and had an ouchy poop. Well, once she got better she apparently decided not to poop anymore and the predictable consequences, including a big #2 accident at school, ensued. We were able to work through it with her in each case once we figured out what the fear was. Is there anything your son is scared of or doesn’t like about the potty? Just a possible direction to go. Hang in there!Oh, one more thing for the too-young-for-lozenges set: there are these zinc lollipops for kids, I think the brand is Runny Rhino or something? Anyway, they are known as “cough drop lollipops” at our house and I always stock up on them for the winter.

  31. our 3.5 yo still poops in his underpants. on purpose. he’s “scared” of the potty (big and little) and won’t go. he’s not afraid to poop in a pull-up, so his very creative montessori teacher has been taping a pull-up in the toilet (like a bridge over the water) to see if that helps. we’ve only been doing this a couple of days. maybe it’ll work…..

  32. Oh Shannon, I’m with you. This might be my mean streak coming out, but aren’t you just KIND of sitting on the edge of your seat to see how this friend deals with Having a Baby While Not Changing Her Life at All and Being Trapped In Her House During the Winter? I’m sorry, but Smug Moms are bad enough, but Smug Moms-To-Be??? Intolerable. Is there a way you can get a webcam into her house without her knowledge? Might make for some good TV during the cold winter months as you recover from this Directed Baby Shower.I’d like to think that on another day I might be more erring toward giving her the benefit of the doubt and all that, but……sorry. Not today. I’m glad you got that little zinger in at lunch. Don’t feel bad. She’s asked enough of you already.

  33. @Julie, thanks, because I’m feeling so bad about it. But seriously?! Being trapped in your house on a cold winter day without a baby (from what I recall) is totally relaxing and cozy. Being trapped in your house on a cold winter day with a baby tends to make you stir-crazy.

  34. @Shannon, just serve the liquor, it will be fine. Your friend doesn’t seem like much of an Emily Post reader, and by association, I doubt the people in this circle are going to judge their hostess using such a yardstick. Etiquette is really all about respect for people’s feelings. However you feel about her reasons, your guest of honor would feel better if you served alcohol. “Tacky” is so hard to define these days anyway, so don’t give it another thought. Good luck – you sound like a good friend. Be careful not to become a doormat though.

  35. Thanks, everyone, for the potty training advice/commiseration. I don’t think fear is an issue (although for a while I did need to check the bathroom for spiders before he would go in). I’ll try the timer idea — taking myself out of the situation in that way might make him more willing to go.@professor mama I laughed when I read about the pull-up. Too funny!

  36. Laughing out loud at the image of @bobeesah’s bunch of women plastered at an afternoon baby shower. I think women who are pregnant and already have other children should get baby showers; they’d appreciate it so much coughing. Ice chips. if you pound them down really small, you can even give them to younger kids. Usually works pretty well for me.
    @Mom2boys- Yay for your daycare dropoff! That’s a heartwarming image.

  37. @Shannon- I’d definitely do a cheap champagne and OJ mimosa and be done with it. I also agree that there should be some sort of Olympic sport around gritting your teeth and not telling the clueless Mom-to-be that no matter what she thinks, her life is going to change after the baby is born. And if it doesn’t, someone will probably call Child Protective Services. I also want a related event around not slapping people who make fun of me for having to keep to my baby’s schedule at night. My standard response (which is getting snarkier as I have to repeat it) is that when the person laughing at me for needing to get the baby home by 8 wants to come and get up with said overtired baby at 5 a.m., I will be willing to discuss it. Otherwise, we’re sticking to the schedule and hoping she sleeps past 6.In my more charitable moments, I think that there are some things you don’t get until you’re living it. I’m probably equally clueless about something.
    On the cough thing- if the baby is too young for honey, warm water with a healthy dose of brown sugar may also help. I make a grown up version of that with whiskey, which works better than any cough syrup I’ve found. I don’t think the whiskey is the key ingredient- I think that is there to make the grown ups drink it!

  38. @Cloud, so true, so true about bedtimes. Recently I was talking to my father-in-law about keeping nap schedules, and he said, “You know, I don’t know when everybody decided the whole world had to revolve around the kids.” Well, I think keeping schedules is for the good of us all!

  39. @Shannon- I suspect that the whole world revolved around kids when your father in law had a toddler, too- he just didn’t know it. I keep to a schedule because experience shows that makes our days easier, and I suspect your mother-in-law did too!

  40. @Cloud – “In my more charitable moments, I think that there are some things you don’t get until you’re living it. I’m probably equally clueless about something.”Amen to that. I had some rather uncharitable thoughts recently when a friend who just gave birth to her first was telling me all about her breastfeeding challenges, and how she felt she had to start formula supplementing with a bottle because baby wouldn’t latch, and how she just couldn’t use a SNS because it was so messy, and how she wanted to cry and give up. Part of me really felt for her, and gave her every encouragement to stick with it.
    But another part of me remembered her smugness. This was the same once childless friend who looked askance at me for supplementing my first child with formula, and had the gall to give me the “breast is best lecture” when my son was one week old and I was doing everything by the LLL book, thank you very much. She simply had no clue about low supply, and didn’t seem to know just how much she didn’t know. I’m still bitter that she couldn’t be more understanding. Before our conversation ended I said “Well, now you get it. Welcome to the club.” And I’m pretty sure she finally understood me.

  41. @hush…..those are the moments that make it worth listening to all the bullshit people dish about about topics they know nothing about. Hope you enjoyed it (gee I’m snarky today).@Shannon, we are a scheduled family too. The thing is, as the kids get older, their little bodies can handle a little more flexibility, so YOU can be a little more flexible too. But until about the age of 2-ish, we were pretty rigid about naps and bedtime. And I would ALWAYS clarify, the schedule is not for the child (though the child does benefit from it)….the schedule is there for MY sanity. Because I am the one dealing with 5-8 middle of the night wakings if my darling son does not shut his little peepers at 6:30 PM on the dot, I am the one who gets up at 4:30 when he decides the day is starting. Not my husband, not my parents, not my in-laws, and certainly not my single, childless friends who think that waking up at 8 AM on a Saturday/Sunday morning is “waking up early”. “Being flexible” translates to “making MY life hell”.

  42. Jig re: potty. This sounds like the unconscious I-will-not-pay-attention-to-my-need-to-pee-or-poop-stage at 4.Children during the preschool years only have 4 things they can be in complete control of. When and if they sleep, eat, pee or poop and how fast they move from one place to another.
    When the power struggle, aka unconscious need to show you just how powerful I am stage appears most, boys especially, seem far too interested in doing other things other than getting to the bathroom.
    Choices: The timer is always a *great* thing. The timer becomes the bad guy, not the parent.
    Taking away whatever was keeping him from peeing is another good idea. The toy, or TV show can be returned as soon as the child makes one or two successful potty runs or you can give the toy or show back tomorrow, whatever works in your home.
    Another idea is to share with the child the things that can’t happen when you’re wet or stinky. Things like hugs, sitting on the sofa, eating, these things can’t happen when you are wet or stinky. This works better for really little ones who care about lack of hugs or time spent with you.
    Boys just seem to have a wet spot for a while after they are “potty trained”.
    It seems like you think this is a slightly bigger issue by the way you’ve described this and by the way you described what the Dr. said? Is that correct or not?
    If your guts say this is a slight bit bigger than just being distracted, then go with that. Be your sons advocate when discussing this with the Dr.
    The next step will be to determine if this is a sensory, physical or control issue.
    The Dr. will have you think about whether or not you feel there is any pressure in the home as a result of the accidents. Is there? If so, then remove the pressure.
    Another question the Dr will ask will be, have there been any changes in his life? If so, the new situation may be causing him to control what he can in his life, and that would be whether or not he goes potty, remember this is not conscious. If that’s going on then you’ll need to help him deal with any new things in his life.
    I had an experience a few weeks back that perfectly illustrates a need to control something after witnessing something I couldn’t control. I looked outside and saw a huge King snake on the side of the house. I can deal with that. But as I was watching, the snake began to climb the tree! I was so creeped out, that I went in and began cleaning the entire house. I had a deep unconscious need to control something since I couldn’t control the snake. That’s what I meant by the unconscious need to control something, for preschoolers it’s eating, sleeping, peeing or pooping or how fast they go.
    Good luck.

  43. @Bobbi- coughs and such. This is an old trick passed down the generations in my family and works wonders: mix a little tumeric with the honey. Tumeric is a natural antibiotic so it works against the cough while the honey soothes and raw and sore throat. we actually give this mixture to our son regularly when a cough spell is going around the neighborhood.

  44. @Shannon — It’s her baby shower. I’d give her what she wants. I like the mimosa idea and you can buy relatively inexpensive bubbly for that.I need some support here. I’m going on day 5 of wee one with ear infection (first one), me with throat infection, and DH away on business. I’m exhausted, and periodically running a fever.
    Oh he’s up again…

  45. @jlg: We had the same issue with my 4.5 yr old daughter last year. She was having poo and pee accidents and claimed she wasn’t aware she had an accident. Turns out it was serious constipation; the sensation of always having full bowels made her not know she had to pee and (*yuck*) liquid poo was leaking out around the solid mass and giving her the accidents.Gross, but something to ask your doctor about as it’s very easily fixed.

  46. OK, you guys are a lot kinder than I am today. My first thought in response to the below: “Honey, karma is a bitch.”Now I think I’ll go have one of those mimosas.

  47. Re: baby shower with alcohol. I threw my baby shower in the mid-afternoon and had it catered by a local Italian place. We had pasta, bread, and salad which was a good excuse for serving copious amounts of red wine. My friends, with and without kids, appreciated it. I have been to too many showers with noxious sherbert punch that made me want to vomit so I flat out refused to do “traditional” shower food and drink. We played a “match the baby pic to the grownup” game and a “match the stupid celebrity baby name to the parent” game- both were hits with non-kid friends. I think childless people have a hard time at baby showers, for whatever reason, and alcohol makes them feel a little less alien to the event. No beer, no hard liquor but open the wine so they can eat, drink and be merry.

  48. Do you have red, white, and blue swirled crocs or red/white or red/black crocs? My chirlden want them in swirled school colors or patriotic swirled colors. I have seen copies like this.L Van Puffelen

  49. I hear you on that extra six hours. I would use mine for sleep.@Major Tara: Thanks for shouting If only I magnae not to gain weight, I am somewhat content.@Iota: Wise midwife. I am just trying to cut out every other pain au chocolat. Two a day sounds a bit much even when breastfeeding. Iron power? Haha. Soft dough is my middle name

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